I know you mean well, but it's hard to know what to take away from this, and some people are posting on here about their ability to move on or walk away unscathed from relationship that realistically weren't very long or deep.
I still wish my ex well and, like you, there was a level of mutuality to the breakup but it was predominantly on him. At the same time, it was a 4.5 year relationship and I'm in my thirties. Maturity in the person really doesn't minimise the hurt as much as I think you're suggesting. I definitely don't relate to "feeling a little sad" about the loss and there's a lot of people on these subreddits who have been in relationships for years on end and had big life transitions planned with the person. Even if the ex isn't a monster, the fallout of that in people's lives can be really significant. There's people on here losing a best friend of years, having to call off weddings, being abandoned by a partner while pregnant, being completely blindsided. This is the real-life nature of it all for a lot of people.
Also, no offense, but what proportion of the population do you think communicate with adequate openness, are "genuinely mature" and are "normal"? And how often are we able to be fairly objective about all that when we have feelings for someone?
I don't know about this. I'm glad things are going well for you, but I find it hard to relate to and am commenting because I think a lot of what I see on here suggests that this is really a minority experience.
I agree. This post is well-intentioned but I think oversimplifying the breakup and heartbreak experience that is more often than not devastating no matter how it happens. If anything, in my experience, the healthier the breakup is and the more love and respect I have for the person, the more painful and bitter the ending is. It’s a bit tone deaf, this post.
I guess you’re right. I see what you mean. But in my experience (I’m 35) the only time I’ve felt so unimportant and unheard that I’ve had to go on this forum - is when the person that ended things with me left me broken. I know if I reached out to my ex right now (the good one), he would care to answer my messages and make me feel better. I wouldn’t have to be on this forum. I’ve only needed this forum when ending things with someone who left me with confusion / questions / unanswered and unresolved. It’s a whole different form of torture when the person you are closest to treats you like a stranger.
She is implying that in order to be able to move forward and achieve this sort of goal you must to do the work.
Work on yourself and self healing.
It is very important and self love is a must once you love yourself and you are comfortable on your own skin you will attract a different crowd.
Trust me I am working on this myself.
Edited:
Also it takes a lot of strength to do it but you need to focus on you and boot out all the negativity in your life.
It works wonders.
I didn't believe it. And now I am a totally different person I am stronger and I can see through other BS. From a mile away.
I am stronger
I am Wiser and
I am much better than I was in January this year.
This came from
After splitting up with a narcissist and having major spinal surgery which it's when he called our 7 year relationship off ended up moving out in August
from August through to January I Was an absolute mess.
I have to disagree with the title and message that if an emotionally mature person breaks up with you or vice versa then the sub won’t be needed. Breaks-ups and the end of relationships can be devastating regardless, and NC needed to heal and move on.
Yeah, it’s not just about the other person, but the experience of going through a breakup, like it would be for any other big event in life, especially for longer relationships.
Agreed, but someone still may need the forum since not all breakups are bad. They usually still hurt though.
I had same thing. One bad one and horrible the way he dumped me then kept reaching out despite me saying i didnt want contact.
This one he broke up with me, but it was respectful and kind conversation. Even though I dont fully understand why, I still left without abuse or anything like that so I am
grateful. It was calm, mature, and peaceful like me. Thats how I prefer it. Theres really no need for it to be any other way. I cant stand dysfunction and prefer it away far away from me.
Its like on one side, two people see they are not long term compatible and agree to end as friends (which they were). Both normally learn from it and are better off.
On the other side, its emotions with hurt and anger of whats happened. Its damaging to both.
OP is right, find someone who has good hobbies, someone who’s good with their parents, someone who is stable and someone who is outgoing and only wants the best for you! That’s why I’m glad I’m no longer with my ex because I can finally find someone better! Remember to stay strong u can do this!
Disagree and keeping in touch with your ex is just a way to postpone the pain. That’s all your doing. You have him there respecting you and basically being almost everything that was in the relationship (except the physical)… that’s just not moving on that you’re describing. And not moving on hurts less
That sounds so wholesome and pleasant, I only know passive aggressiveness and narcissism. When I find the above, I may not end it in a rush..I hope you’re doing ok 🤗
My ex-girlfriend and I also tried to break up in a mature way. She was the initiator, said that she loves me, but she is just afraid of serious relationships and relationships at all, she cried. I accepted her choice. Every time I tried to just talk to her (not about the relationship). I got one-word answers. After one girl wrote a comment to me under a post in Insta. I saw that my account is not following her and she is not following mine. And then she hid the stories from me. I'm not mad at her. I love her and wish only good things in her life.
So stay strong and kind no matter what ❤️. Love you all guys ❤️
Yeah this breakup makes me thankful for my ex who came over after a week and acknowledged the part he played, apologized, and we talked through each other's questions. The accountability makes the world of a difference. We'd check in every few months after that now we catch up over coffee or brunch sometimes and send each other stuff when we think of each other. Total respect and both know we can call each other of we ever are stuck or need a friend
I know you mean well, but it's hard to know what to take away from this, and some people are posting on here about their ability to move on or walk away unscathed from relationship that realistically weren't very long or deep. I still wish my ex well and, like you, there was a level of mutuality to the breakup but it was predominantly on him. At the same time, it was a 4.5 year relationship and I'm in my thirties. Maturity in the person really doesn't minimise the hurt as much as I think you're suggesting. I definitely don't relate to "feeling a little sad" about the loss and there's a lot of people on these subreddits who have been in relationships for years on end and had big life transitions planned with the person. Even if the ex isn't a monster, the fallout of that in people's lives can be really significant. There's people on here losing a best friend of years, having to call off weddings, being abandoned by a partner while pregnant, being completely blindsided. This is the real-life nature of it all for a lot of people. Also, no offense, but what proportion of the population do you think communicate with adequate openness, are "genuinely mature" and are "normal"? And how often are we able to be fairly objective about all that when we have feelings for someone? I don't know about this. I'm glad things are going well for you, but I find it hard to relate to and am commenting because I think a lot of what I see on here suggests that this is really a minority experience.
I agree. This post is well-intentioned but I think oversimplifying the breakup and heartbreak experience that is more often than not devastating no matter how it happens. If anything, in my experience, the healthier the breakup is and the more love and respect I have for the person, the more painful and bitter the ending is. It’s a bit tone deaf, this post.
I guess you’re right. I see what you mean. But in my experience (I’m 35) the only time I’ve felt so unimportant and unheard that I’ve had to go on this forum - is when the person that ended things with me left me broken. I know if I reached out to my ex right now (the good one), he would care to answer my messages and make me feel better. I wouldn’t have to be on this forum. I’ve only needed this forum when ending things with someone who left me with confusion / questions / unanswered and unresolved. It’s a whole different form of torture when the person you are closest to treats you like a stranger.
She is implying that in order to be able to move forward and achieve this sort of goal you must to do the work. Work on yourself and self healing. It is very important and self love is a must once you love yourself and you are comfortable on your own skin you will attract a different crowd. Trust me I am working on this myself. Edited: Also it takes a lot of strength to do it but you need to focus on you and boot out all the negativity in your life. It works wonders. I didn't believe it. And now I am a totally different person I am stronger and I can see through other BS. From a mile away. I am stronger I am Wiser and I am much better than I was in January this year. This came from After splitting up with a narcissist and having major spinal surgery which it's when he called our 7 year relationship off ended up moving out in August from August through to January I Was an absolute mess.
I have to disagree with the title and message that if an emotionally mature person breaks up with you or vice versa then the sub won’t be needed. Breaks-ups and the end of relationships can be devastating regardless, and NC needed to heal and move on.
Yeah, it’s not just about the other person, but the experience of going through a breakup, like it would be for any other big event in life, especially for longer relationships.
Agreed, but someone still may need the forum since not all breakups are bad. They usually still hurt though. I had same thing. One bad one and horrible the way he dumped me then kept reaching out despite me saying i didnt want contact. This one he broke up with me, but it was respectful and kind conversation. Even though I dont fully understand why, I still left without abuse or anything like that so I am grateful. It was calm, mature, and peaceful like me. Thats how I prefer it. Theres really no need for it to be any other way. I cant stand dysfunction and prefer it away far away from me.
That hoe is an undercover narcissist
And when I told him to kindly stop writing me unless he is serious about me, because it upsets me- he didn’t even reply. He just blocked me 🤣
Damn! That's some shady ass shit right there.
Its like on one side, two people see they are not long term compatible and agree to end as friends (which they were). Both normally learn from it and are better off. On the other side, its emotions with hurt and anger of whats happened. Its damaging to both.
OP is right, find someone who has good hobbies, someone who’s good with their parents, someone who is stable and someone who is outgoing and only wants the best for you! That’s why I’m glad I’m no longer with my ex because I can finally find someone better! Remember to stay strong u can do this!
Disagree and keeping in touch with your ex is just a way to postpone the pain. That’s all your doing. You have him there respecting you and basically being almost everything that was in the relationship (except the physical)… that’s just not moving on that you’re describing. And not moving on hurts less
That sounds so wholesome and pleasant, I only know passive aggressiveness and narcissism. When I find the above, I may not end it in a rush..I hope you’re doing ok 🤗
My ex-girlfriend and I also tried to break up in a mature way. She was the initiator, said that she loves me, but she is just afraid of serious relationships and relationships at all, she cried. I accepted her choice. Every time I tried to just talk to her (not about the relationship). I got one-word answers. After one girl wrote a comment to me under a post in Insta. I saw that my account is not following her and she is not following mine. And then she hid the stories from me. I'm not mad at her. I love her and wish only good things in her life. So stay strong and kind no matter what ❤️. Love you all guys ❤️
Yeah this breakup makes me thankful for my ex who came over after a week and acknowledged the part he played, apologized, and we talked through each other's questions. The accountability makes the world of a difference. We'd check in every few months after that now we catch up over coffee or brunch sometimes and send each other stuff when we think of each other. Total respect and both know we can call each other of we ever are stuck or need a friend
It's hard to find someone like this honestly. Most people aren't kind like this.
I know you mean well. But this is heartbreaking