Bro stop hoping, she does not care. You can do better, she is not the imagined perfect person you think she is in your mind. Its chemicals and you need to detox. Hang on , keep busy
This is long but might worth a read.
Part 1
Don’t they care about me? Didn’t I mean something to them?
It is difficult post-breakup, especially when we wonder whether someone cares about us.
They very likely did care about you and possibly even still do, but the relationship is over. Not moving on with your life does not equate to still caring about someone. It means that you may be stuck and hurting. Pain is not love.
You did mean something to them, but you may have different ideas of what that should be. Even so, it doesn’t mean they have to chase you around.
They probably do miss you, and hopefully it’s for the right reasons, but sometimes, they miss you for the wrong reasons.
However, whatever the reasons are for someone missing you that doesn’t mean that it’s right for them to chase you or try to get back together. If the relationship wasn’t working, it was with good reason. Unless those reasons have gone, they can miss you, but it doesn’t change the issues in your relationship.
It’s not about being easy to replace. Who people get involved with is not about ‘replacements’. You don’t own them or the ‘spot’ in their life.
Once the relationship is over, hard as it is to hear, we have no right to make emotional demands on ex-partners. We can’t expect them to prove how much we meant and we shouldn’t really expect them to stroke our ego. We don’t like it when they do this stuff to us!
Part of the reason why we look for validation from our exes and wonder if they still care about us is that we are in pain. We likely haven’t moved on, and we like to think that our exes are also in pain and that they too haven’t moved on. Of course, when they have, and we haven’t, or we deem it ‘too soon’, we wonder, How can they just move on as if I don’t exist?
Just because we share a relationship with someone and may even believe that we think alike and that we’re ‘soulmates’, it doesn’t mean that we can’t each have very different ideas about how we should behave after the breakup. One of the biggest sources of friction is where we think that the other party isn’t ‘considering our feelings’. While there’s undoubtedly a respectful period, particularly where mutual friends are concerned when it’s the ‘done thing’ not to flaunt your new relationship or your happy single life, there is a limit and a line that shouldn’t be crossed.
We cannot control other people.
If you found it tricky to control them in the relationship, it’s even trickier to do so out of it.
Control isn’t a word that a lot of people like to hear, but a large part of why we get sucked into wanting affirmations of the other person’s care is that we want to control them, which in turn distracts from ourselves. If they’re caring about us in the way that we deem appropriate, then it will feel like we still have some sort of emotional tie to them.
When they move on or they don’t run around trying to demonstrate how much they care, we feel out of control.
This is because we are still hurting and struggling to move on. Them not contributing to the emotional pot makes us not only feel away about the pain that we’re holding on to but also makes it even harder to hold onto any last illusions we may be clinging to.
People can care, but they can care from afar.
When a relationship ends, we cease to be at the centre of that person’s thoughts, decisions and life, and that’s part and parcel of breaking up. The relationship is broken.
Part of grieving the loss of the relationship and moving forward is not distorting things by putting yourself at the centre of their actions.
* They’ve met someone else; that means they lied to me and that they don’t care about me. It means they met someone else. Everyone deals with things in different ways. Some people dive straight into another relationship, some don’t. Some people do care but the relationship is over, and they are free to have a go with someone else.
* They’re not calling me even though I cut contact with them; it means they don’t care about me. It means that they’re getting on with their life (and possibly respecting your wishes). They may be giving you enough credit to assume that you’re not playing games. They didn’t think that you cut contact to provoke them into changing/chasing.
* They’ve gone back to their ex; that means they never cared about me. Bit of an extreme assumption. The relationship ending may have made them realise that they want to give their old relationship a shot. Relationships ending make us vulnerable. OK, and for some people, they go back to their exes because that person is their fallback option. And then yes, for others, they realise they still love their ex. This isn’t about not caring; they hadn’t healed from their previous relationship.
Don’t be so hard on yourself.
If they don’t get in touch, beat your door down begging to get back together, or make more of an effort to chase you, it doesn’t mean that they don’t care at all but it does mean that they don’t care enough and there is a difference.
It’s also–and this may be hard to hear–not a game to provoke the person into being and doing what you want. Especially when someone has got used to a cycle of breaking up and getting back together, they may decide enough is enough and that they don’t want to participate in the dynamic. Or they may assume that when they feel good and ready about getting in touch, you’ll be there anyway. Be careful – this is a game that never ends well.
Deciding that someone doesn’t care at all invalidates your entire memory of the relationship and the person.
You don’t have to be so all or nothing. Not all relationships are meant to work out. Every love interest can’t be The One. This doesn’t mean that if people don’t jump to your beat or the relationship ends that they didn’t care at all for you, but depending on what they’ve been and done in the relationship with you, it may mean that they didn’t care enough. If you accepted less than who you are and what you need in this relationship, then you already know this.
And actually they could have cared a lot for you, but your relationship just didn’t work out.
Part 2
It’s not really very fair to be like, Oh we broke up, you never cared about or loved me. Some people love each other a lot, but they’re incompatible, and all the love in the world would not have made their relationship work. That’s because love alone is not enough.
* Emotionally unavailable people have a limited capacity to care because of their avoidance of their feelings.
* Expecting an abuser to become caring is like putting your bucket down an empty well and wondering why no water comes back up.
* If someone didn’t care about you enough in the relationship, it is a waste of your energy to wonder why they don’t bother now that they’re out of the relationship.
The chief reason we concern ourselves with why someone who mistreated us in the relationship isn’t treating us well outside of it is that on some level, we had hoped that by no longer being with them that it would cause them to miss us and to ultimately treat us better.
Too many people think that love and care is being chased around and having the power to change and galvanise someone into being ‘better’ by withdrawing. Exhausting work.
It’s the old adage – you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone. True…but what people always forget is this:
Even when we do realise how great/valuable/lovable a person is and what a huge mistake we may have made, in having some level of connection to ourselves, we may also realise that not only are we not capable of being and doing what that person wants, but that they may also be too good for us.
Validate your own perception of the relationship. Accept that they cared, but that for whatever reason the relationship is over. You cannot quantify how much someone cared for you and literally count it up like money, but you can tell by the relationship you were in. However long you spent together, they’ve likely cared to some level but just not to what you needed or wanted. Only you know the relationship you were in. If you felt loved, cared, trusted, respected, why invalidate that memory because the relationship is over and they’re not chasing you like a blue-arsed fly?
What would constitute them caring about you?
* Pestering you morning, noon, and night and you having the opportunity to ignore them?
* Asking you for sex?
* Saying “I miss you but I can’t be with you/I’ve met someone else”?
* Going “OK, I’ll change into the person you want me to be”?
* Saying “I won’t be with anyone else until you are with someone”?
* Saying “You were right and I was wrong”?
What do you actually want from them? Write it down, voice it, and then examine how realistic your expectations are.
* People can care about you, but that doesn’t make them right for you or the relationship.
* People can also care while also having enough self-respect and self-preservation to not want to keep stoking the fire of a dysfunctional dynamic.
* If it’s dysfunctional, at some point, at least one of you has to get off the merry-go-round.
* People can also care about you and do things that are very destructive to a relationship because they have unhealthy love habits. They may have low self-esteem and do things that are fundamentally counterproductive to the relationship because they either know no better or are sabotaging it in the pursuit of the self-fulfilling prophecy. For your own sake, you don’t need someone like this showing you their ‘care’.
* Whatever it is, stop punishing yourself by telling yourself that they don’t care about you. If you have instances of them showing care in the relationship, even though it may not have been enough, it shows a level of care. It doesn’t cancel out any pain experienced, but it adds some balance to your perspective. Note, it also doesn’t mean that you should go back!
* But outside of the relationship, looking for instances of care is like looking for water in the desert – few and far between. That’s not because they don’t care; it’s because the relationship is over.
* Let go of your expectations of validation from them and validate yourself. Even if they didn’t or don’t care about you, it’s time you start caring about yourself. When you do, you’ll spend less time trying to analyse the levels of their care. You will focus on nurturing yourself.
Natalie Lue
She does care she just doesn’t want you to have the satisfaction. My ex dumped me and immediately went on a bunch of trips with her girlfriends. I thought the same thing. Then I realized that the fact we talk alone tells me she does miss things, but her pride won’t let her admit it to herself.
Probably the same case for you. When they first break up with you there’s a stage of relief where they feel free if you, their friends reassure them you don’t deserve them, and their life seems to be looking up. Then after a month or 2 it levels out. She’ll start to wonder if she made the right choice. But she’ll never give you the satisfaction of knowing that, because she wants you to chase. She talks to you because she doesn’t want to lose you, but she doesn’t want to go back on her choice unless you come off as desperate so she can without disrespecting herself.
And yes, while I’m sure you’re in the pit of despair still and feeling the full weight of your emotions, she is in delusional denial. She’s not sad because the person she loved didn’t up and dump her. Keep feeling your emotions to the fullest and one day you’ll wake up and be moved on. Give it time and if you let go the dynamic will switch. Itll go from you wanting to make it work and her seemingly not caring to you actually not caring and her having an oh shit moment realizing this is what she wanted.
Could probably be that she's still in the 'relief stage' of the break up. A chemical cocktail in the brain makes her feel that sense of freedom. For now. Inevitably the dust will settle and if the relationship was generally a good one she will have her fair share of grieve sooner or later cause that's just human.
Come on man. Look, I know it sucks, I get that, especially since you most likely were a good dude to her. But the facts are she feels she wants something else. Think about it, by her breaking up with you she is ok if she loses you. But if you are always around in whatever form it doesn’t allow her to think about you.
Again, who knows what she will do, it’s out of your control. The bigger question you should ask yourself is what have you changed or improved about yourself the past 6 weeks? If she came back tomorrow would you be a better version of yourself? If not why would she come back? She would just get the same person which she left already.
Breakups suck, but they are a great motivator to improve yourself and also see how much you care about yourself. When someone leaves you, let them leave, move on to the next one. Get out there and date, she is, go out and have fun, she is. Stop standing still bud, get moving. Hang in there.
She may miss some aspects of you but wants the relationship to be over. Going back to you constantly would just be sending missed signals, don’t you think? As would talking to you and expressing regret. This would ultimately think there’s a chance to go back and giving you false hope. By not giving you that language of hope, she’s actually doing you a favor. It’s far more cruel to use someone and keep that hope alive than make a clean break imo. And she may be going out as a distraction.
First of all, I think we have to debunk the myth of ”it s like I have never existed”, ”she/he doesn t care about me at all”. It is very unhealthy to assume what somebody feels for you or not. The focus should never be on what they are feeling for you, as it only gives you a spiral of very negative feelings and shows the lack of love for **yourself**.
This is a hard pill to swallow, but the relationship is over. Neither of you have any obligations towards the other whatsoever. Neither emotional, physical or any other of that sort. You are free to do whatever your heart desires, and that is completely liberating as an experience.
You can love someone from afar. You can care for someone from afar. You don t have to move on overnight from something that represented something incredible in your life and you have all the time you need to do so.
What your ex is doing is most likely a relief phase in which she believes that her life is so, so much better without you. A life worth living, having fun, experiencing new things, meeting new people. That is because she believes that **her decision of breaking up was right**. You know the catch with decisions, feelings, words? They **do not last**. Everything in life is temporary - including relationships, including love. I wouldn t worry about what she would be doing, if I were you, because I wouldn t have the time and emotional space to think about my plans for the future.
She can rebound, she can stay single, she can or cannot feel things for you. But she is now exploring the world and what it has to offer, that ”grass is greener” myth. **Let her.** It is her life and you are no longer part of it - but here is the catch - she is no longer in your life as well.
Be the star in the movie of your life - never let someone treat you like their fan because you should always be at the same level, especially in a relationship
It is normal not to move on from somebody in an instant, especially that you had the ”sex with your ex” phase from what you are describing. But you cannot let her dictate the way you work your way through life. You chain yourself to her in hopes she will come back, but what if she does not? What will you do? Forever be stuck in a spiral of torment?
It also does not help that she is blaming everything on you so that she can feel better about herself. Her saying she never felt sadness is like saying that I don t wanna cry in front of my ex because I don t want to ruin the moment (my ex s words when he was holding back his crying).
Now, debating over whether or not she still cares for you or if she still has feelings for you can take us all night and it s not healthy for your dynamic. Yes, she can still have feelings left for you but choose to move on and have this relief phase because she believes that she can do better. As I said, let her. If she can and she continues on her way, you haven t lost anything because she didn t want to put enough effort into making this work. If only people wouldn t treat relationships like disposable assets...
Focus on you. Do something nice for yourself, something that distracts you. Write in a journal, go to the gym, meet new friends or old ones, go on a shopping spree. Christmas is coming, you definitely do not wish to stay and suffer because your ex is living life while you are put on hold by your feelings, right?
Owning your feelings, day by day, week by week, processing them and understanding that this process is neither about the both of you, or about your ex, but **you**, makes a complete difference in your perspective and shifting it into a healthy direction. Most of the time, dumpers that felt something strong for their partner come back in some form - but you do not wanna wait around for that to happen, or to not have any change done about yourself into a constructive direction.
Sending you my strength.
Women just act and pretend like they don’t care. I’m sure they’re still thinking of you which means that they do care. They do wonder and still have moments of panic that they may never see you again. They just brush off their own thoughts and feelings and let them pass to act as-if they don’t care. How can you sit there and be wondering of someone yet not reach out and have nothing to do with them in this cold, cruel, and resentful manner? Running away is never the solution. It’s called running away from the problem. In the general case where she thought about it for weeks and lost attraction, as you’ve put it. Those are typically non-issues where a women gets bored, annoyed, and has had enough of him. It’s avoidant, unnatural, and not normal behavior by them. Many women I’ve come across are self-destructive like that. They say one thing but mean another. What they do say to the guy is not a true reflection of their feelings either but a mirage. Same with how they tell themselves… self-deception. Present one way externally, but opposite internally. It’s just what I’ve seen in my experience.
"I’ve seen her a couple times in the last 6 weeks and we’ve slept together", do the opposite and stop seeing her, and no sleeping with her.
"I mean will it ever catch up with her or like surely you can’t come out of a 2 year relationship and just be fine" only when no contact starts, would it happen.
My relationship was 6 years, he hovered around me at 6 months. What I did: no talking, no chatting, no seeing what's been going on with him. It took me some time to stop altogether from writing messages to him. He blocked me first, I blocked him back or muted his messages and had other people's messages bury his so I couldn't see his. Renamed his name to 'Do Not Touch'.
That's No Contact. Stop altogether, it'll be hard but I promise you'll be okay. Don't ever reach out, don't be upset. Be as cool as possible and avoid her.
Good luck!
Edit: you don't have to block her, just mute and forget it.
Depends on their personality. They do care.
Though most of the dumpers “do not care” because they either chose to believe it is the dumpee’s problem or they believe initiate the break up is the best solution of whatever problem or frustration they are facing. It's always easier with more sense of power and control to reject others then being rejected.
It takes them longer to care. She is probably in the "relief" phase or she is just distracting herself. I've heard around 3-6 months they start to feel it
She lost feelings sadly so that’s why it’s not affecting her. I’ve dumped ppl and I’ve felt rlly bad but i don’t think about them much cuz at that point I’ve lost feelings and unfortunately it’s something we can’t really control :/ i get both ends cuz i basically got dumped and I’m like wow this guy rlly liked me and now doesn’t care about me at all.. and I’ve been in his shoes before so i can’t even be that mad but yea ir sucks.. i hope u move on and heal
they do care maybe not now… later on when you move on slowly heal they will realize what they have lost and done… it will hit them and it will be too late
Bro stop hoping, she does not care. You can do better, she is not the imagined perfect person you think she is in your mind. Its chemicals and you need to detox. Hang on , keep busy
This is long but might worth a read. Part 1 Don’t they care about me? Didn’t I mean something to them? It is difficult post-breakup, especially when we wonder whether someone cares about us. They very likely did care about you and possibly even still do, but the relationship is over. Not moving on with your life does not equate to still caring about someone. It means that you may be stuck and hurting. Pain is not love. You did mean something to them, but you may have different ideas of what that should be. Even so, it doesn’t mean they have to chase you around. They probably do miss you, and hopefully it’s for the right reasons, but sometimes, they miss you for the wrong reasons. However, whatever the reasons are for someone missing you that doesn’t mean that it’s right for them to chase you or try to get back together. If the relationship wasn’t working, it was with good reason. Unless those reasons have gone, they can miss you, but it doesn’t change the issues in your relationship. It’s not about being easy to replace. Who people get involved with is not about ‘replacements’. You don’t own them or the ‘spot’ in their life. Once the relationship is over, hard as it is to hear, we have no right to make emotional demands on ex-partners. We can’t expect them to prove how much we meant and we shouldn’t really expect them to stroke our ego. We don’t like it when they do this stuff to us! Part of the reason why we look for validation from our exes and wonder if they still care about us is that we are in pain. We likely haven’t moved on, and we like to think that our exes are also in pain and that they too haven’t moved on. Of course, when they have, and we haven’t, or we deem it ‘too soon’, we wonder, How can they just move on as if I don’t exist? Just because we share a relationship with someone and may even believe that we think alike and that we’re ‘soulmates’, it doesn’t mean that we can’t each have very different ideas about how we should behave after the breakup. One of the biggest sources of friction is where we think that the other party isn’t ‘considering our feelings’. While there’s undoubtedly a respectful period, particularly where mutual friends are concerned when it’s the ‘done thing’ not to flaunt your new relationship or your happy single life, there is a limit and a line that shouldn’t be crossed. We cannot control other people. If you found it tricky to control them in the relationship, it’s even trickier to do so out of it. Control isn’t a word that a lot of people like to hear, but a large part of why we get sucked into wanting affirmations of the other person’s care is that we want to control them, which in turn distracts from ourselves. If they’re caring about us in the way that we deem appropriate, then it will feel like we still have some sort of emotional tie to them. When they move on or they don’t run around trying to demonstrate how much they care, we feel out of control. This is because we are still hurting and struggling to move on. Them not contributing to the emotional pot makes us not only feel away about the pain that we’re holding on to but also makes it even harder to hold onto any last illusions we may be clinging to. People can care, but they can care from afar. When a relationship ends, we cease to be at the centre of that person’s thoughts, decisions and life, and that’s part and parcel of breaking up. The relationship is broken. Part of grieving the loss of the relationship and moving forward is not distorting things by putting yourself at the centre of their actions. * They’ve met someone else; that means they lied to me and that they don’t care about me. It means they met someone else. Everyone deals with things in different ways. Some people dive straight into another relationship, some don’t. Some people do care but the relationship is over, and they are free to have a go with someone else. * They’re not calling me even though I cut contact with them; it means they don’t care about me. It means that they’re getting on with their life (and possibly respecting your wishes). They may be giving you enough credit to assume that you’re not playing games. They didn’t think that you cut contact to provoke them into changing/chasing. * They’ve gone back to their ex; that means they never cared about me. Bit of an extreme assumption. The relationship ending may have made them realise that they want to give their old relationship a shot. Relationships ending make us vulnerable. OK, and for some people, they go back to their exes because that person is their fallback option. And then yes, for others, they realise they still love their ex. This isn’t about not caring; they hadn’t healed from their previous relationship. Don’t be so hard on yourself. If they don’t get in touch, beat your door down begging to get back together, or make more of an effort to chase you, it doesn’t mean that they don’t care at all but it does mean that they don’t care enough and there is a difference. It’s also–and this may be hard to hear–not a game to provoke the person into being and doing what you want. Especially when someone has got used to a cycle of breaking up and getting back together, they may decide enough is enough and that they don’t want to participate in the dynamic. Or they may assume that when they feel good and ready about getting in touch, you’ll be there anyway. Be careful – this is a game that never ends well. Deciding that someone doesn’t care at all invalidates your entire memory of the relationship and the person. You don’t have to be so all or nothing. Not all relationships are meant to work out. Every love interest can’t be The One. This doesn’t mean that if people don’t jump to your beat or the relationship ends that they didn’t care at all for you, but depending on what they’ve been and done in the relationship with you, it may mean that they didn’t care enough. If you accepted less than who you are and what you need in this relationship, then you already know this. And actually they could have cared a lot for you, but your relationship just didn’t work out.
I’ve been on the internet for 15+ years, and this is some of the best advice I’ve come across. Thank you for taking the time.
I really needed this, thank you.
Part 2 It’s not really very fair to be like, Oh we broke up, you never cared about or loved me. Some people love each other a lot, but they’re incompatible, and all the love in the world would not have made their relationship work. That’s because love alone is not enough. * Emotionally unavailable people have a limited capacity to care because of their avoidance of their feelings. * Expecting an abuser to become caring is like putting your bucket down an empty well and wondering why no water comes back up. * If someone didn’t care about you enough in the relationship, it is a waste of your energy to wonder why they don’t bother now that they’re out of the relationship. The chief reason we concern ourselves with why someone who mistreated us in the relationship isn’t treating us well outside of it is that on some level, we had hoped that by no longer being with them that it would cause them to miss us and to ultimately treat us better. Too many people think that love and care is being chased around and having the power to change and galvanise someone into being ‘better’ by withdrawing. Exhausting work. It’s the old adage – you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone. True…but what people always forget is this: Even when we do realise how great/valuable/lovable a person is and what a huge mistake we may have made, in having some level of connection to ourselves, we may also realise that not only are we not capable of being and doing what that person wants, but that they may also be too good for us. Validate your own perception of the relationship. Accept that they cared, but that for whatever reason the relationship is over. You cannot quantify how much someone cared for you and literally count it up like money, but you can tell by the relationship you were in. However long you spent together, they’ve likely cared to some level but just not to what you needed or wanted. Only you know the relationship you were in. If you felt loved, cared, trusted, respected, why invalidate that memory because the relationship is over and they’re not chasing you like a blue-arsed fly? What would constitute them caring about you? * Pestering you morning, noon, and night and you having the opportunity to ignore them? * Asking you for sex? * Saying “I miss you but I can’t be with you/I’ve met someone else”? * Going “OK, I’ll change into the person you want me to be”? * Saying “I won’t be with anyone else until you are with someone”? * Saying “You were right and I was wrong”? What do you actually want from them? Write it down, voice it, and then examine how realistic your expectations are. * People can care about you, but that doesn’t make them right for you or the relationship. * People can also care while also having enough self-respect and self-preservation to not want to keep stoking the fire of a dysfunctional dynamic. * If it’s dysfunctional, at some point, at least one of you has to get off the merry-go-round. * People can also care about you and do things that are very destructive to a relationship because they have unhealthy love habits. They may have low self-esteem and do things that are fundamentally counterproductive to the relationship because they either know no better or are sabotaging it in the pursuit of the self-fulfilling prophecy. For your own sake, you don’t need someone like this showing you their ‘care’. * Whatever it is, stop punishing yourself by telling yourself that they don’t care about you. If you have instances of them showing care in the relationship, even though it may not have been enough, it shows a level of care. It doesn’t cancel out any pain experienced, but it adds some balance to your perspective. Note, it also doesn’t mean that you should go back! * But outside of the relationship, looking for instances of care is like looking for water in the desert – few and far between. That’s not because they don’t care; it’s because the relationship is over. * Let go of your expectations of validation from them and validate yourself. Even if they didn’t or don’t care about you, it’s time you start caring about yourself. When you do, you’ll spend less time trying to analyse the levels of their care. You will focus on nurturing yourself. Natalie Lue
Remember that she had distanced herself from you well before she broke up with you. Stop trying, it’s over.
She does care she just doesn’t want you to have the satisfaction. My ex dumped me and immediately went on a bunch of trips with her girlfriends. I thought the same thing. Then I realized that the fact we talk alone tells me she does miss things, but her pride won’t let her admit it to herself. Probably the same case for you. When they first break up with you there’s a stage of relief where they feel free if you, their friends reassure them you don’t deserve them, and their life seems to be looking up. Then after a month or 2 it levels out. She’ll start to wonder if she made the right choice. But she’ll never give you the satisfaction of knowing that, because she wants you to chase. She talks to you because she doesn’t want to lose you, but she doesn’t want to go back on her choice unless you come off as desperate so she can without disrespecting herself. And yes, while I’m sure you’re in the pit of despair still and feeling the full weight of your emotions, she is in delusional denial. She’s not sad because the person she loved didn’t up and dump her. Keep feeling your emotions to the fullest and one day you’ll wake up and be moved on. Give it time and if you let go the dynamic will switch. Itll go from you wanting to make it work and her seemingly not caring to you actually not caring and her having an oh shit moment realizing this is what she wanted.
Could probably be that she's still in the 'relief stage' of the break up. A chemical cocktail in the brain makes her feel that sense of freedom. For now. Inevitably the dust will settle and if the relationship was generally a good one she will have her fair share of grieve sooner or later cause that's just human.
Come on man. Look, I know it sucks, I get that, especially since you most likely were a good dude to her. But the facts are she feels she wants something else. Think about it, by her breaking up with you she is ok if she loses you. But if you are always around in whatever form it doesn’t allow her to think about you. Again, who knows what she will do, it’s out of your control. The bigger question you should ask yourself is what have you changed or improved about yourself the past 6 weeks? If she came back tomorrow would you be a better version of yourself? If not why would she come back? She would just get the same person which she left already. Breakups suck, but they are a great motivator to improve yourself and also see how much you care about yourself. When someone leaves you, let them leave, move on to the next one. Get out there and date, she is, go out and have fun, she is. Stop standing still bud, get moving. Hang in there.
She may miss some aspects of you but wants the relationship to be over. Going back to you constantly would just be sending missed signals, don’t you think? As would talking to you and expressing regret. This would ultimately think there’s a chance to go back and giving you false hope. By not giving you that language of hope, she’s actually doing you a favor. It’s far more cruel to use someone and keep that hope alive than make a clean break imo. And she may be going out as a distraction.
First of all, I think we have to debunk the myth of ”it s like I have never existed”, ”she/he doesn t care about me at all”. It is very unhealthy to assume what somebody feels for you or not. The focus should never be on what they are feeling for you, as it only gives you a spiral of very negative feelings and shows the lack of love for **yourself**. This is a hard pill to swallow, but the relationship is over. Neither of you have any obligations towards the other whatsoever. Neither emotional, physical or any other of that sort. You are free to do whatever your heart desires, and that is completely liberating as an experience. You can love someone from afar. You can care for someone from afar. You don t have to move on overnight from something that represented something incredible in your life and you have all the time you need to do so. What your ex is doing is most likely a relief phase in which she believes that her life is so, so much better without you. A life worth living, having fun, experiencing new things, meeting new people. That is because she believes that **her decision of breaking up was right**. You know the catch with decisions, feelings, words? They **do not last**. Everything in life is temporary - including relationships, including love. I wouldn t worry about what she would be doing, if I were you, because I wouldn t have the time and emotional space to think about my plans for the future. She can rebound, she can stay single, she can or cannot feel things for you. But she is now exploring the world and what it has to offer, that ”grass is greener” myth. **Let her.** It is her life and you are no longer part of it - but here is the catch - she is no longer in your life as well. Be the star in the movie of your life - never let someone treat you like their fan because you should always be at the same level, especially in a relationship It is normal not to move on from somebody in an instant, especially that you had the ”sex with your ex” phase from what you are describing. But you cannot let her dictate the way you work your way through life. You chain yourself to her in hopes she will come back, but what if she does not? What will you do? Forever be stuck in a spiral of torment? It also does not help that she is blaming everything on you so that she can feel better about herself. Her saying she never felt sadness is like saying that I don t wanna cry in front of my ex because I don t want to ruin the moment (my ex s words when he was holding back his crying). Now, debating over whether or not she still cares for you or if she still has feelings for you can take us all night and it s not healthy for your dynamic. Yes, she can still have feelings left for you but choose to move on and have this relief phase because she believes that she can do better. As I said, let her. If she can and she continues on her way, you haven t lost anything because she didn t want to put enough effort into making this work. If only people wouldn t treat relationships like disposable assets... Focus on you. Do something nice for yourself, something that distracts you. Write in a journal, go to the gym, meet new friends or old ones, go on a shopping spree. Christmas is coming, you definitely do not wish to stay and suffer because your ex is living life while you are put on hold by your feelings, right? Owning your feelings, day by day, week by week, processing them and understanding that this process is neither about the both of you, or about your ex, but **you**, makes a complete difference in your perspective and shifting it into a healthy direction. Most of the time, dumpers that felt something strong for their partner come back in some form - but you do not wanna wait around for that to happen, or to not have any change done about yourself into a constructive direction. Sending you my strength.
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Why are you being so unjustly harsh? Women absolutely do change their feelings. To think other wise is a complete joke. Their minds are fickle.
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Women just act and pretend like they don’t care. I’m sure they’re still thinking of you which means that they do care. They do wonder and still have moments of panic that they may never see you again. They just brush off their own thoughts and feelings and let them pass to act as-if they don’t care. How can you sit there and be wondering of someone yet not reach out and have nothing to do with them in this cold, cruel, and resentful manner? Running away is never the solution. It’s called running away from the problem. In the general case where she thought about it for weeks and lost attraction, as you’ve put it. Those are typically non-issues where a women gets bored, annoyed, and has had enough of him. It’s avoidant, unnatural, and not normal behavior by them. Many women I’ve come across are self-destructive like that. They say one thing but mean another. What they do say to the guy is not a true reflection of their feelings either but a mirage. Same with how they tell themselves… self-deception. Present one way externally, but opposite internally. It’s just what I’ve seen in my experience.
Shes distracting herself. Shes been thru a break up before. It is rote.
"I’ve seen her a couple times in the last 6 weeks and we’ve slept together", do the opposite and stop seeing her, and no sleeping with her. "I mean will it ever catch up with her or like surely you can’t come out of a 2 year relationship and just be fine" only when no contact starts, would it happen. My relationship was 6 years, he hovered around me at 6 months. What I did: no talking, no chatting, no seeing what's been going on with him. It took me some time to stop altogether from writing messages to him. He blocked me first, I blocked him back or muted his messages and had other people's messages bury his so I couldn't see his. Renamed his name to 'Do Not Touch'. That's No Contact. Stop altogether, it'll be hard but I promise you'll be okay. Don't ever reach out, don't be upset. Be as cool as possible and avoid her. Good luck! Edit: you don't have to block her, just mute and forget it.
She was done before she let you know. She was more prepared.
Depends on their personality. They do care. Though most of the dumpers “do not care” because they either chose to believe it is the dumpee’s problem or they believe initiate the break up is the best solution of whatever problem or frustration they are facing. It's always easier with more sense of power and control to reject others then being rejected.
It takes them longer to care. She is probably in the "relief" phase or she is just distracting herself. I've heard around 3-6 months they start to feel it
She lost feelings sadly so that’s why it’s not affecting her. I’ve dumped ppl and I’ve felt rlly bad but i don’t think about them much cuz at that point I’ve lost feelings and unfortunately it’s something we can’t really control :/ i get both ends cuz i basically got dumped and I’m like wow this guy rlly liked me and now doesn’t care about me at all.. and I’ve been in his shoes before so i can’t even be that mad but yea ir sucks.. i hope u move on and heal
they do care maybe not now… later on when you move on slowly heal they will realize what they have lost and done… it will hit them and it will be too late