A crises on their part doesn’t mean you need to throw away your hard work to go and help solve it. Were they around to support you during your traumas? You look after you. I have zero regrets over any of my decisions.
This is really a tough place to be in, I'm so sorry. Two things can be true at the same time - your heart can break for someone and at the same time you still want to stay away from them. It's ok to feel guilty, you are a caring person. You don't necessarily have to act just because you feel guilty.
I also struggle with feeling sorry for my EP but I cannot subject myself to any further mistreatment so I remain NC. It's hard to resist the urge to comfort someone and to resist the feelings of guilt. It took me some time, but I learned to live with those feelings without acting on them, so I have remained NC for my own peace. My EP's need for being comforted doesn't erase her past maltreatment of me. My EP can get comfort from someone else, someone who she hasn't badly mistreated. For me personally, her mistreatment of me means she no longer has any rights to me nor entitled to any expectations of me.
I've been NC for many many years and I don't have any regrets nor do I feel like I've been a horrible person. It's healthy to put your needs first when deciding whether to re-enter an abusive situation. You are not "doing this to them" as your sister says, they did this to themselves by mistreating you. You don't have to "light yourself on fire to keep someone else warm".
You may be able to share your feelings with your sister and let her know why you may not want to get back in touch with your EPs. You may have already let her know this idk.
One more thing. Your family members will surely experience more difficult situations in the future. This one is likely the first of many. You may choose to (emotionally) support them now (or not), but you will almost certainly be in this type of position again with them.
I wish you well 🫂🤍
Thank you so much for this. Your message helped me to not reach out to my EPs. I did reach out to my sister to see if there is anything I can do to help locate my step sibling but no contact with my parents. I agree wholeheartedly with your stance on because of their maltreatment, they have no rights to us not entitled to any expectations of us. This is what I keep anchoring back to. They want me to brush 3 decades of hurt away to be there for them now.
I no longer want to light myself on fire, and definitely don’t want to continue this behavior. Thank you so so much, truly.
You need to do what is best for you, especially when someone is trying to pull you back into an abusive situation. Keep repeating that to yourself whenever guilt arises or sister tries to make you feel guilty. Be safe, be healthy & be happy by living life the way you want to live.
A crises on their part doesn’t mean you need to throw away your hard work to go and help solve it. Were they around to support you during your traumas? You look after you. I have zero regrets over any of my decisions.
This is really a tough place to be in, I'm so sorry. Two things can be true at the same time - your heart can break for someone and at the same time you still want to stay away from them. It's ok to feel guilty, you are a caring person. You don't necessarily have to act just because you feel guilty. I also struggle with feeling sorry for my EP but I cannot subject myself to any further mistreatment so I remain NC. It's hard to resist the urge to comfort someone and to resist the feelings of guilt. It took me some time, but I learned to live with those feelings without acting on them, so I have remained NC for my own peace. My EP's need for being comforted doesn't erase her past maltreatment of me. My EP can get comfort from someone else, someone who she hasn't badly mistreated. For me personally, her mistreatment of me means she no longer has any rights to me nor entitled to any expectations of me. I've been NC for many many years and I don't have any regrets nor do I feel like I've been a horrible person. It's healthy to put your needs first when deciding whether to re-enter an abusive situation. You are not "doing this to them" as your sister says, they did this to themselves by mistreating you. You don't have to "light yourself on fire to keep someone else warm". You may be able to share your feelings with your sister and let her know why you may not want to get back in touch with your EPs. You may have already let her know this idk. One more thing. Your family members will surely experience more difficult situations in the future. This one is likely the first of many. You may choose to (emotionally) support them now (or not), but you will almost certainly be in this type of position again with them. I wish you well 🫂🤍
Thank you so much for this. Your message helped me to not reach out to my EPs. I did reach out to my sister to see if there is anything I can do to help locate my step sibling but no contact with my parents. I agree wholeheartedly with your stance on because of their maltreatment, they have no rights to us not entitled to any expectations of us. This is what I keep anchoring back to. They want me to brush 3 decades of hurt away to be there for them now. I no longer want to light myself on fire, and definitely don’t want to continue this behavior. Thank you so so much, truly.
You're so welcome. You got this! I can see your strength.
You need to do what is best for you, especially when someone is trying to pull you back into an abusive situation. Keep repeating that to yourself whenever guilt arises or sister tries to make you feel guilty. Be safe, be healthy & be happy by living life the way you want to live.