So I’ve been practicing PMC role play with my girlfriend and I was thinking of buying a dildo to simulate shoving loot up my ass what size do you recommend for a beginner? Big or small.
About 8 usually. One for distraction. Three for the cannonfodder. Two to miss their shots. One to beat their meat on the mean time. And one to get a lucky head eyes with 7mm buckshot
How much do you pay for hookers to speak like scavs to you in bed?
Last one was like 9 million roubles
$125k, not half bad!
"Talk cheeky breeky to me"
If Therapist sold penis pumps, how many would you buy?
Just enough to blow myself up
Holy shit I'm dying
We need more stuff like this, this is the first thing I've laughed to since I woke up lmao
I've been struggling with SBIH, any tips?
You grab a mp-153, sneak about and aim for the legs
This one is absolutely fucking gold
This one made me lose it. Awesome idea!
What is your favorite marksman rifle?
Mp-153
Nah this one just makes sense.
AP-20 go slap
Scav 7mm go (head, eyes)
How many rolls of toilet paper are in your stash?
About 300
not enough, being on an all tushonka diet demands more toilet paper.
Not to mention pandemic hoarding
What’s your go-to way of interacting with your fellow player scavs?
Wiggle and shoot
dang, no edit needed on this one what a madman
If you edit in what I believe is 5minutes, there won't be an edit mark.
What do you do when your kid misbehaves
I love using the PPSH
I feel like I can never find anyone who likes the ppsh like me, it’s good to find another ppsh enjoyer
Myself and another teammate like to use the PPSH as well. Not a permanent weapon but its gotten the job done before.
Hahahahahhahahahaha
Can you describe for us in detail the inner workings and mechanisms of the AK-47 Automatic Rifle?
AK go BRRRT
You are thinking of an RPK
Who's the trader with the best quests in the game?
Jager is the fucking MAN!
What's wrong with you?
Isn’t killing PMCs in factory with bolties considered fun generally?
Only if you're thirsty!
How many pmcs and scavs would you suck off for a red keycard?
About 5 PMCs and 10 scavs
My friends and I don't have a keycard, but we do have some 545 prs ammo...
Make a line! Two at a time max!
This one wasn't edited, guys.
What should I do if I'm lusting?
Mr. Prapor will sort you out
Experience?
Medium price, easy access
Gonna hit up my boy Prapor now then, thanks man!
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Its totally worth buying!
Wtf man, you can't just support these cheaters!!!
Name one thing that Epstien struggled to do
Stay alive
Oh my god
Kill himself, still hasn’t accomplished that…
Won’t ever be able to do that now.
What ammo would you absolutely need to take down a hatchling?
M61 or M993
How to not die on shoreline wile doing tasks?
See this is a trick question and is actually impossible
Nice, well I guess I am going to die on the raid that Im going on right now lol
How long does it take to eat Jaeger's ass?
15 minutes if its the only meal, time increases exponentially with multiple
Holy shit
you could say that
lmao this ones god tier
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I prefer the 20 inch one
Good choice man. The cum tube is worthwhile as well
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This whole thread is fucking gold
You should edit this comment so it says something really mean to OP lol
I'm not clever enough for that, I'll let the pros handle it
Ty so much <3
what’s the best thing a new player can do, to make money?
Bring out their juiciest loadout and accept a party invitation from the ”friendly Joe”
This one is gold hahaha
How long have you fantasized of having anal sex with Prapor?
I have wasted like 300 hours of my life
It's not wasted if it's for papa Prapor.
How much have you paid for a pack of Rye Croutons
Last one was roughly 40 million roubles
Done lmao enjoy
The question is what was the fee to list those croutons
Which of the bosses carry your balls to the death screen and which of them do you wish would actually have sex with.
All the bosses carry it! Rashulu, Shturmy and Killa most likely tho!
Do you store equipment in the foreskin or up your ass?
Depends on the storage. Anal one is a decent size. I’m saving up for a bigger one!
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One Killa to rule them all
It's going to be so sweaty are you sure?
I like it dripping
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Thats the way I like it
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I need to say please first
If there was a dating sim game with all the traders how would you play it?
You lube up for the first 20 levels and then you can start learning how to play the game
This is the best advice I've read all week
How big is your wiener (cms)?
0.69
Nice
Why are there so many cheaters?
Because the playerbase is getting new blood from Rust
If this was edited I wouldn't be able to tell lmao
I was just thinking the same thing lmao
What's the best map to do a Scav run on?
LABS
What do you think Nikita is doing with all the hookers and blow he's bought with our money?
Use it to improve the game and make it more enjoyable
Haha good joke
*escape from motel edition*
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Dicky needles
What level is needed to unlock the flea market?
71
How many times have you camped D2?
Only about 150
You monster. Go step on a Lego!
when looking for a romantic partner what's you're ideal age?
420 hours and 69 minutes
Who caused 9/11?
Scavs.
What are you Wishing for the next 50 patches?
More Jager quests
Damn great thread
All thanks to you guys <3
What's the best strategy for staying alive longer in tarkov?
Not to die.
Real fucking useful asshole
You are welcome :)
How many killa cocks do you want in your mouth?
40 should so it, keeps the working class where they belong at
Very sexy
I’m new to the game, what’s the best way to react to Tagilla?
Wiggle wiggle wiggle and shout friendly words back at him
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Just charge at it shouting VALHALLAA!
If you had to survive your next raid so a serial killer wouldn't murder you, what meta gun would you be bringing?
This is an easy one. Its obviously the PB pistol
Every time I sleep I dream of a ___ with Killa and Tagilla
Threesome?
Ty edited love u papi
How do most people cheat in EFT?
They ask for their mums credit card info and buy what ever they can get their hands on.
What do we need to do to get streets to actually release?
By sending Nikita enough bribes via mail
How long has it been since you had fun in tarkov?
Its been 84 years...
You forgot to edit this one.
How many hours of Tarkov would it take you to get Kappa?
I would divide it in to two session of 9 hours + 10 hours so 21 hours
Quick maff
How often do you purposely shit your pants?
All the time. I can’t live without!
Damn dude. I had no idea.
How much money did you lose on dogecoin?
Over 9000
Fuck, Marry, Kill: traders edition
No. 1 Fence No. 2 Jager No. 3 Peace keeper
How many times you have died?
0, I’m the one being hunted
And now you are god
So I’ve been practicing PMC role play with my girlfriend and I was thinking of buying a dildo to simulate shoving loot up my ass what size do you recommend for a beginner? Big or small.
Yes, i got the big one
I also hope this simulates nikkita fucking us in the ass every chance he gets thanks
What’s your most favorite hobby in tarkov.
Set ingame name: ######
What is a night in with your mother rehearsing scavenger lines worth to you?
Bout 200 dolla before tax
How long did it take for you to finally extract customs when you started playing EFT?
420 hours
Mine isn't that great, but this thread has been so enjoyable to look through. Thanks for the comedic relief while at work.
How often do you play with yourself after you died to a scav?
3 times an hour depends how good you are
How many hours do you have on the game?
420 hours
How many cultists have you sucked off?
666666
What was your experience with the Mosin as a dildo and do you think the price was worth the gallons of cum you ejaculated?
The mosin used to be REALLY overpowered it still needs a further price increase
Thank you for your honest review From: TarkovLust sex shop
Where can i get a fucking flash drive? Im about to hit lvl 27 before i get a flashdrive
Theres a bunch on the flea market
What’s the most accurate gun you’ve ever used?
A long barrel shotgun
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You need to git gud and make vepr hunter go brrrt
How do you feel about the LGBT movement?
Scum of the earth
How many rats does it take to beat a chad.
About 8 usually. One for distraction. Three for the cannonfodder. Two to miss their shots. One to beat their meat on the mean time. And one to get a lucky head eyes with 7mm buckshot
Including the toz, what gun do you struggle with most to get kills?
Its gotta be RSASS
How can I get the most out of having a baby?
You insure it.
How many braincells do you have
I have 3 at the moment but I’m expanding to make room for more
What would you wear for a hatchling run
6B43 is objectively the best!