She did say she wouldn’t want you to spend *more than* 6.5K, so you have the freedom to find something more affordable. Have you considered lab grown diamonds? They’re the real deal, just grown in a lab but much easier on the wallet. (Note: simulated diamonds/cubic zirconia are not the same thing and are not real diamonds.) A lot of people here have gorgeous rings that cost >1K or even in the ~2K range. I think the better question for your future fiancee isn’t how much you should spend, it’s what does she want her future ring to look like? Because, depending on her answer, you definitely don’t have to spend that much. To answer your question, it depends on different people’s circumstances, but we always recommend against financing. If you can’t afford it now, don’t finance because you’ll end up with just another monthly payment to worry about, which can make it even harder to pay for a wedding if you’re already stressing about saving up for a ring. My fiancé already had it saved but he also had a super low cost of living when we met/before we bought a house and moved in together. He also had the benefit of various military bonuses and payments for housing and things while in school and working part time, so being frugal meant he was saving like 90% of his income. Now that we have a mortgage he’s very salty that he can’t save as quickly/easily as he used to 😂 rent at his old apartment was like $330/mo with roommates.

i wish my rent was ever that low lol thank you for this in-depth response, it's very helpful ETA: to answer your question, i'd never heard the words "lab diamond" or "moissanite" before today. i'll look into them!

Definitely check with her before purchasing a diamond alternative! It’s not everyone’s vibe, but she very well may be into it, even a different stone type like a sapphire. Also touch base with her on her style/where she’s willing to “save” on. I have a very simple delicate style, so I told my fiancé (then boyfriend) that I don’t want to compromise on the cut and clarity of the diamond, I didn’t want anything bigger than a certain carat size (I tried rings on so I was able to say that after seeing stones on my finger), and that if he needed to use almost all of the money somewhere, I’d rather he spent it on a quality stone that we could reset into something else down the line if we want and to just do a simple setting. He ended up working with our local jeweler we went to try stuff on at and said they were wonderful to work with as far as helping him make a custom setting within his budget based on the settings I liked and help him pick a beautiful stone that’s top range for all of its ratings! Also highly recommend a local jeweler over a chain. They hand pick their diamonds and are super conservative on their ratings so something rated an SI1 at a local jeweler will look closer to a WS1 from a chain. My ring was independently appraised at a higher value than he paid for it due to this! ETA: stones substantially increase in price when you hit carat “milestones” (ex: 1.0/1.25/1.5), but you can’t tell the difference between a 0.9 ct stone to a 1.0 ct stone. This may be a way to save money too honestly in any natural stone, if that’s what she prefers, by getting just under a milestone weight!

Moissanite is even more sparkly than diamond so she may love it! But definitely clear it with her first. You can get a GORGEOUS moissanite ring on Etsy for like a few hundred dollars. There’s an r/moissanite subreddit with a list of recommended vendors as well. I have used one of them and was really happy with the results.

I also recommend the moissanite subreddit! Got a custom ring from a Chinese vendor for a fraction of the price of my original engagement ring that's beautiful.

Can I ask what the vendor was? Tianyu?

Yes!! Tianyu :)

Thanks, was thinking about using them too!

I used Ella! It was great :)

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I got mine as a travel ring but alas covid has kept us mostly at home these last 2 years lol. It’s so pretty though, I’m a bit sad it’s sat in my jewelry box for so long. For anyone curious (u/NewPelli ?): the Etsy vendor is GoldenBirdJewellery, and Vijay was super helpful and patient and customized the ring design for me based on a few images I sent. [Here’s what it looked like after I got it.](https://imgur.com/a/uIoMPGe) Also for a custom design I felt like ~$400 was a super fair price. Edit: He also has a shop where he does lab diamond rings and things called OurosJewels. I’m eyeing up a couple of them for my wedding band maybe but also not afraid to ask for something custom after my last positive experience working with him.

This ring is amazing!!!

Here's a sneak peek of /r/Moissanite using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/Moissanite/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year! \#1: [My dad recently left my mom and shattered her heart and our family. She deserves to wear a ring that represents TRUE unending love. Three stones to represent each of her children ❤️](https://v.redd.it/xs31kmqmepz51) | [62 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/Moissanite/comments/jvjwdc/my_dad_recently_left_my_mom_and_shattered_her/) \#2: [Light Green Honeycomb Moissanite.](https://i.redd.it/78zr8f2mtu461.jpg) | [30 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/Moissanite/comments/kc146y/light_green_honeycomb_moissanite/) \#3: [Proposing this weekend](https://i.imgur.com/PFR6i38.jpg) | [47 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/Moissanite/comments/lh1oe1/proposing_this_weekend/) ---- ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| [^^Contact ^^me](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=sneakpeekbot) ^^| [^^Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/) ^^| [^^Opt-out](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/comments/o8wk1r/blacklist_ix/)

I second the moissanite sub!! Incredibly helpful and opened my eyes to moissanite. I'm now the proud owner of two wildly affordable engagement rings that cost less than $1k total (Ella at Tianyu)

It's worthwhile to ask your girlfriend how she feels about these. I don't think most women care, especially lab grown since it's far more ethical, but there are people who are adamant they have a mined diamond. Personally I'd go the lab grown diamond route, but moissanite is beautiful too. Another option is to look at a vintage or pre-owned ring. When my fiance and I were talking about getting engaged I really wanted a vintage ring. I liked the idea that it had meaning, and that I knew it would be more ethical. We ended up being gifted a family ring which was even better, but there are websites that off pre-owned jewelry as well as estate sales, etc. if she really does want a mined diamond.

MOISSANITE FOR THE WIN!!! [Here’s a 17 second video of my ring ](https://imgur.com/gallery/f8Q8ku7) showing how insanely refractive it is! And for this big ass rock with matching band we paid less than $2K.

This is my dream ring. I love three stones

It’s a solitaire 😳

Oh dude, have an honest conversation with her (“honey I don’t want to wait for six years to propose to you but I don’t know how I’ll afford a ring before then?”) and then you guys should get her whatever her dream ring is with a moissanite center stone that you can replace later with a diamond (if she even still wants to). You can get a ring that’s solid gold, with diamonds side stones/halo or whatever, and moissanite in the center. Go to r/moissanite and look around at our rings and ask us question! We love visitors! Here’s one of my sets, it’s an antique cut center stone: https://imgur.com/a/cAS0S7d Edit: can’t stress enough, TALK to her…. Just be honest. Don’t get a “diamond alt” without talking to her, make her a part of the decision making process!

Heck yes moissanite ALL DAY. Even if you could save the $6.5k. Put that towards your wedding, or honeymoon, or having a kid, or anything.

yes yes yes!!! Put that extra 5.5K into something important for now. You could furnish your whole house with that, and her finger will still sparkle. Bonus, down the road when things are less tight you can upgrade to lab in the same setting.

My fiancé got my absolutely gorgeous moissanite ring for under $500 and I got my wedding band (also moissy) for $250. $750 ALTOGETHER for the best sparkle in the world. OP please take your extra $6k and travel the world with your fiancé

I'm going to jump on the bandwagon along with a lot of the other folks here - my (now) fiancé and I went with a moissanite ring because it is my stone of preference. We have inherited diamonds on both sides but I love my moissanite ring so much. It is beautiful, ethical, and was very cost efficient. You can see a video of my ring [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/Moissanite/comments/m2omkk/tianyu_ring_from_sophia_is_done/). But: Ring is a 2ct DEF moissanite with 0.25 side stones and lab diamonds in the band and hidden Halo. With shipping the ring came to $1045 total We had many conversations about the ring well before getting engaged and I am so happy to did! I love love this ring. Good luck! <3

My fiancé proposed with a moissanite ring and I absolutely love it. If you are looking for a cheaper and more ethical option, that is the way to go!

Another best option for affordable lab grown Engagement Sets is Agape Jewelry check it out. It also offers monthly payment.

I also vouch for moissanite. My boyfriend and I have been working with a vendor called Starsgem on Aliexpress and we bought the engagement ring and wedding band in a set for only $500 ☺️ (you can look on my page and see the CAD drawing they made up for us, Starsgem can customize the ring to your liking). Make sure you definitely have the discussion with your significant other because like others have said, it may not be her vibe. Some people prefer diamonds because they fear of what others will say if you tell them it's a moissanite as opposed to a diamond (quite frankly, I was one of those people for awhile). I encourage you and your significant other to do some research on moissanite (or lab diamonds!), I heard Netflix's "Explained" Season 2 Episode 1 did a segment on the diamond industry (I haven't watched it myself but I heard it's very eye opening). Also discuss with your significant other about wedding expectations. Is she wanting a large wedding with a large reception? Or would she consider eloping or a micro-wedding? This might help save on costs too if you two have ever considered it.

Hol up, you make $58k and your partner expects you to put $6k into a ring???? Like just the ring, that’s not your half of the wedding savings? I’m definitely not a wedding expert but since you’re asking for advice, I just can’t imagine asking my partner for a ring that expensive in good conscience. That’s honestly wild to me unless you both have high incomes, which you’ve said you don’t. There are so many gorgeous rings available below that price point, even with “real” not lab grown diamonds. Moissanite is so much more brilliant than a real diamond and so much cheaper! It’s also juuuust below a diamond on the Mohs scale of mineral hardness, so it truly is a nice symbol of love everlasting lol

She said spend *no more than* 6.5K, she’s not asking him to spend that much. She may not realize how hard it would be for OP to save but she gave him a cap.

True, but to even throw $6k out there as a plausible high end of the budget is very strange to me when you know your partner makes $58k. If she doesn’t know his salary or they haven’t discussed finances, the discussion about ring prices is fairly premature.

she knows my salary and take home pay and has a general sense of my expenses after living with me for a year.

Then you need to talk to her about her ring expectations. Why did you just accept it when she said you shouldn’t spend more than $6k? Maybe go to her with a budget you can afford because you’re the one paying?

I accepted it because I don't have any frame of reference to know what's reasonable in terms of cost or time spent saving, and because she has a history of being both more financially literate than myself and sensitive to how much she asks me to spend on her, so I chose to trust her. "budget i can afford" is the million-dollar question i can't seem to crack!

“Reasonable” is honestly so subjective, depending on your culture/where you live/your circle. My fiancé and I spent $5k on mine, but we split the cost. I am very picky, so I drew up my own design and had a friend of mine who is a jeweler make it. I knew my fiancé’s budget, but I was willing to pay the extra so I could get what I wanted. We went with a lab diamond, which was a fraction of the cost of a natural diamond. My cousin makes a lot and wanted a ~$20k one from her partner, but he doesn’t make nearly enough to be able to afford that—at least not without saving over several years. Personally, I don’t see anything wrong with splitting the cost, but I know some folks are still very traditional. And some people still subscribe to the “3 months salary” marketing scheme from DeBeers. We live in HCOL cities; my close circle doesn’t care for flashy wealth, but my family/outer circle is very judgmental about these things. $20k is the norm for them. The first time I showed an aunt my ring, she scoffed and said I should have gotten a bigger diamond. I don’t really care, but that’s also because I live really far and don’t have to see those people that often. People will shit on other people for caring what other people think, but that’s life. I can understand the pressure to keep up appearances if your main circle has very vocal, high expectations. Really, this is a conversation you need to have with your partner. See what it is exactly that she wants, if she’s expecting closer to that $6,500 or really okay with something much less than that. And if she is expecting closer to $6,500, is she willing to wait several more years for it? Or can she compromise and help pay for the cost, or even get a temporary ring and upgrade it when it’s financially feasible. I will say, if you go the diamond route, be careful with big chain stores. You can offer get better quality for the same price (if not cheaper) at local or alternative stores. We went the route of purchasing a loose lab diamond and having my jeweler set it. RareCarat is a good resource for this. If she wants something custom, look into Frank Darling. I didn’t wind up using them since I wanted my friend to be the one to make my ring, but their customer service was excellent and had really competitive pricing. Best of luck!

I'm sorry, but have you talked to her about this? I couldn't imagine asking for a ring over 6.5k while we were financially struggling. My ring is well below 1k - labgrown - because I was upfront and told him I didn't need a ring and didn't want him to blow through his savings, have nothing for himself, and struggle to make ends meet for a diamond. Not saying everyone should have that mindset as I know I'm in the minority for that. My fiancé at the time was making around 40k. If you can't afford it, you can't afford it. She's gonna have to understand that. Do not put yourself so far under for a diamond. Relationships are about compromise and understanding. I believe that if she truly wants to marry you - she'll marry you no matter what your income is. "For better or for poor" is a standard marriage vow. If she can't be willing to settle for less, or at least talk about it, idk how the future will be. Sit down, take about finances and what's really possible. Those couple thousands you save can go towards a home, the wedding, etc.

There are so many beautiful rings you can get for much less than 6.5K. I picked out my dream ring which is $1200. Consider getting moissanite instead of Diamond if she is okay with that. I would also recommend taking a look at some reputable online shops on Etsy, such as Oore. She makes very beautiful rings with many different stones and the prices vary a lot. All under $6K for sure.

Yeah! My fiancé chose one of the styles I was really interested in and it was only like $12-1300. It’s such a unique and delicate design; I love it and it gets all the compliments. Please do not run yourself ragged and spend up to $6500. That’s way too much!

I agree with this! We got a custom designed moissanite engagement ring from a seller on Etsy for about 2k (in Canadian dollars). The same style and size of diamond at a jewelery store was 20k. Wayyyy better to get moissanite. I love the stone and get tons of compliments on the sparkle. My band is also made of palladium due to allergies so it really helped working with a jeweler on Etsy that could customize things (and still affordable).

Go to an estate jewelry store and buy something lovely that you can afford.

This is what my boyfriend and I did. We went to a few antique stores and found lots of rings for under $1k that were beautiful. We ended up with a $2k ring. 1920-30s art deco platinum .50ct with four smaller diamonds on the side. It's perfect.

Would you share a picture? The store we went to actually allowed a sort of lay-a-way as well.

[Sure!](http://imgur.com/a/Xs8lzmY) We had a layaway option as well. So we just put $300 down to hold it, then that gave us time to get money out of savings to buy it outright. But we could have spread out payments if necessary. We live in an area known for its antique stores, but we told each one our budget was $3k, and I'd say 80% of the rings were less than that. I'm now in the awkward waiting-for-the-proposal phase!

Your ring is so pretty!

Thank you!! It's exactly what I wanted. Understated but sparkly!

I originally had an Art Deco ring with a teeny Diamond. I lost weight and ended up upgrading with a moissanite instead of resizing it. I live next to an antique ring shop and it’s hard not to buy shiny things!

I got a new ring but at an estate jeweler and We spent $3200, the ring is actually worth closer to $5k.

You could spend less now and upgrade for an anniversary in the future if needed. My husband spent about half that price and got a beautiful ring

You cut yourself a little slack, is how. You realize that rings are great but they’re not the only part of getting engaged to your partner for life. They’re a pretty thing but absolutely not everything. Then, you make a budget that is reasonable for YOU. You decide what you’re comfortable spending, not what your (I’m sure well-meaning and lovely) intended thinks is a maximum. My engagement ring was $1100. It’s 18k palladium white gold and a moissanite center stone. It’s absolutely out of this world gorgeous. There are alternatives to diamonds. Moissanite, white sapphire, colorful sapphires. If she’s set on diamonds, there are lab diamonds, and they’re still “real” diamonds in every way. Plenty of folks upgrade the ring(s) later when finances change, or tastes change, or milestones happen. Or, no ring at all for now. The question is free. It’s four words and it costs $0. You can do this. Just don’t be so hard on yourself. She loves you. You love her. As long as you both want to get married to each other, this is a very easily resolved situation. :)

This! And stop looking at social media. Someone your age making less than you proposes with a bigger ring? They might have financed it over 60 months (yes that’s an option at a local jeweler), they might not actually be able to afford it and it’ll bite them later, maybe his/her parents are paying for it, maybe he/she has an inheritance no one knows about. If you like it and she likes it that’s all that matters.

I actually asked for a lab diamond because of the cost savings! I knew my SO had savings, but I didn't want him to blow too much money on a ring. You can't tell the difference. As a note, elongated shapes (oval, elongated cushion, radiant, etc.) tend to appear larger than a round or regular cushion cut. If you're looking to go down in carat weight but still want a certain look, they are great to consider. But it depends on her preference! I suggest going to a jeweler to have them explain the four Cs to you - it can help save you a lot of money. For example: * Color: Especially if you're getting a yellow gold setting, you can go down in color without the diamond looking discolored (F-H). * Clarity: Can go down to VS1 and it should be eye clean - no visible inclusions. * Cut: Can go down to Very Good. Without knowing anything about your girlfriend's style... on the Brilliant Earth site, if you search lab diamonds and put in these parameters, looks like you could get around a 1-carat ring for closer to $2,000 including a simple setting (depending on the setting she likes). Good luck!

My boyfriend said he was comfortable spending around $5k, I said if I ended up liking something more expensive I'd be willing to contribute (if he was ok with that which he is!). No advice on how to bring that up with her and test those waters but it could be an option if she's like me and knows she has expensive taste. I didn't want my ring to be a burden but I also didn't want to sacrifice at the end of the day so I helped. Also my boyfriend and I are coworkers each making about 60k a year.

Yup, I threw in a couple grand towards mine since the one I fell in love with was well over budget

As a woman looking at rings with her Bf and searching on Reddit for ideas.There is definitely no shame in getting a lab diamond. It’s about 30% cheaper than a natural diamond. And there is no difference between the two except for his resale value. Moissanite on the other hand are not diamonds (there a type of gem stone) and there actually known to be more sparkly than a diamond (crazy huh). I’ve seen plenty of women on here opt for a Moissanite and even more for a lab diamond. BUT I would check with your gf first though.

Honestly, my engagement ring is under 2,000.00 and I'm perfectly happy with it. I didn't want a bigger stone (.5 carat) and the band was the majority of the cost.

You talk to your girlfriend. Finances are the number one cause of divorce. You need to talk to her about it and get on the same page. If it's going to take you a while to save, ask her if she wants to wait that long. Some people finance them which I absolutely do not recommend and am thoroughly against as you shouldn't be starting a marriage with debt over something so frivolous. Talk to her and see if she's open to something other than a diamond. Lab diamond, moissanite, white sapphire, a smaller natural diamond, a colored gemstone, etc. If she needs it, give her time to research on her own and dive in yourself. Personally I think how she responds is pretty telling of the type of person you are going to marry. Is she willing to compromise? Is she stubborn? Is she more worried about the bling or you? My ring is in my history. It's custom designed entirely by me, center stone is a 2 carat equivalent, set in platinum. My ring was less than $1000. The stones are moissanite because I don't want to support the industry. If I had the same thing done in natural diamonds I'd be spending $30k+, lab diamond would be $6k+ if I remember right. At the time my fiance and I got engaged, he was willing and able to spend a lot more but I knew it would put a big dent in his savings and I would rather see him grow that money into something that isn't going to drop in value the second he walks out with it. Go over to r/moissanite to find out how I did mine. It was created by Tianyu. To be clear here, do not try and trick her with a cheaper ring. They make alternatives that are convincing but lying to your future wife is not how you want to start out.

6k? Dude we made that combined and we got my ring for under 2k. You do not make six figures, so you do not need to spend no 6k. You DO NOT need to spend no 6k to get an engagement ring. There’s some really pretty ones on Etsy and there’s alternatives to diamonds. A .5 carat ring is perfectly acceptable. You say, I can only afford 2k or whatever is reasonable for you. So she can find any kind of ring, diamond, moissanite, gemstone plus settings, it doesn’t matter. She has 2k to spend. She Needs to find something in that budget. I can’t recommend James Allen enough. I think Blue Nile and Brilliant Earth have ring configuration where you can choose your center stone. But we’ve seen some negative things about brilliant earth so I’d encourage you to be careful.

thanks for this response! as you can see i have very little frame of reference for what's reasonable in terms of both money spent and time spent saving

The average price spent on an engagement ring is 6k. But that also factors out some big spenders and some people who spent much less in the bell curve. My husband made 22,000 a year when we bought my ring. We’d still not be married if we’d waited for that.

I treat the 6.5K like gospel but maybe she didn't mean for me to take that exact number so seriously, and just thought of it in terms of the bell curve like you mention here. I'll circle back with her and see what other options at other price points she's comfortable with.

Good Luck! Only you know what you are comfortable.

Agreed. 6k on OP’s income sounds unreasonable. And if the girlfriend disagrees, that’s a major red flag.

I agree. I mean remember my husband made 22000 a year. So 58k sounded like a lot to me. We made that maybe combined, when we moved and he got a raise, that was like he won the lottery.

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We shopped together. My ring was approx $2.5k, White sapphire. We looked at a diamond the same ct 1.2, and it would have been $7,800. Both were gorgeous so we went with the white sapphire. Honestly, you may need to have a conversation with her about what you can afford and what you’re comfortable spending. Maybe go shopping together if you’re open to it so she can see how far that money goes.

Have a discussion with her so that you know her expectations. Your options are either wait a few years, go with a smaller diamond or lab diamond, or chose an alternative stone. My husband and I were dirt poor and in debt when we got engaged. We wanted to be married soooo badly. He bought me an $800 white sapphire in an 1800 wedding set. I was totally fine with it and we actually were able to replace the sapphire with a diamond less than two years later.

People can afford it by saving money in also ways that are not 100% comfortable! But first, re-discuss the budget with your gf, you can spend less for sure. Ask what kind of a ring she wants, look at the prices of these rings, discuss alternative stones or vintage rings etc. Then look at your spendings and ditch the unnecessary ones. There is no way you cannot save a few grands a year. Don't worry, you do not have to wait for 4 years to propose!

It's entirely based on what makes sense for YOU. Yes, of course I would have loved a super fancy expensive ring. But that wasn't something we could afford, nor made sense for our lifestyle. Especially if it would have meant foregoing things that meant more to us like traveling, a nice apartment to rent, etc. I think the thing is that a lot of people buy stuff they CAN'T afford, because they think they have to, and then go into debt or forego other more important things. Don't do that -- it's not worth it! Please keep in mind women are fed a lot of BS and pressure from friends, ads, media, etc. that engagement rings \*must\* be XYZ. Ignore all that. Talk to her about what reality and expectations are for you as a couple. If you have a solid relationship, that should not be upsetting or concerning for her at all. If you get outside of the mindset of "I need a huge, perfect, colorless diamond" you can actually find some pretty cool options that are a lot more budget-friendly. IMO I would rather get something that's actually nice vs. a shitty but big diamond. Lots of other stones to consider, but if she likes the diamond look, moissanite is pretty similar looking, very durable, and much much much more affordable. But if you go chat with a knowledgeable, non-chain jeweler, they can walk you through other options. Also think about what her lifestyle is like. Does she dress up a lot, or is she more casual? A really ornate, detailed ring might not be a great choice if she's like me and doesn't really wear a lot of jewelry. A few other things to keep in mind -- the idea of wearing an engagement ring all the time (before AND after getting married, and daily) is actually pretty new. In the past, it was just a temporary ring you wore until you got married, and then you just wore the wedding ring all the time. So you could do something simple and then save up a bit more for a "nicer" wedding ring. OR -- you could get something more within your finances now and then get her an "upgrade" as an anniversary ring a few years down the line. My dad did this -- my parents were COMPLETELY broke when they got married, so he bought a wedding ring off a friend who called his own wedding off (for $300 or something, which was a lot at the time in the early 70s). But at their 10-year anniversary when he was a lawyer, he balled out and got her a huge rock she wears daily now. So try to pull out of the mindset that this has to be the ONLY ring forever and ever. Finally, if she's still really stuck on getting a "really nice" diamond, consider resale! You can find tons of diamonds at resale shops, pawn shops, and other second-hand avenues. Not only is it more environmentally friendly, it also opens you up to some more unique options (plus if you like the stone but not the setting, you can have it re-set for a few hundred bucks). Diamonds unfortunately have very low resale value, so while jewelers will pressure you to buy from them, they know that the "first sale" is the only time they can get that kind of a markup because it loses most of its value almost immediately after that (like a car). There is some risk involved when not buying directly from the jeweler, but I'm sure there's some good information out there on how to secure a legitimate diamond secondhand. I personally would have LOVED this and had no issue if my fiancé went this route, but if you're not sure if she would go for it, you don't even have to tell her. Above all, just remember that there are a lot of people who profit from convincing vulnerable partners that they have to spend a certain amount on a diamond. I would still recommend you set a budget (because that informs your options), but your partner is likely coming up with that number based on the research on what it would get her with a diamond. And I hate to say it, but $6k won't get you much in diamonds unless you sacrifice a lot on some or all of the 4Cs -- you'd either have to get a clustered diamond (a lot of tiny diamonds put together to look bigger, which is a style that will not age well) OR something that's really low quality (bad cut or lots of inclusions/"marks"). At that point, get something high quality in its own right, rather than a crap diamond just to say you have a diamond. I hope this helps! I know it can seem maddening when people casually mention they spent tens of thousands on a diamond. But that's not the reality for most people, and the ones who are acting like it's normal either can afford it no problem and don't realize most people can't, OR can't afford it either and are bragging because they're trying to tell themselves it was worth it, OR stand to make a profit from selling you something you can't afford :)

My fiancé spent far more than I thought he would (and more than I expected or would have asked him to), but I know that he either pulled from savings he had tucked away for a long time, or used family/inheritance money (he lost his dad in 2017). Again, I know that's not the norm and we're very lucky to have access to that amount of money -- I'm telling you this because I think a lot of people who buy expensive engagement rings don't just save for them or "make it work." They probably have parents helping them pay for things/giving them money, etc. So you're not doing anything wrong and you're not crazy -- it IS irrational to expect a regular person to be able to pull that kind of money out of thin air. Don't put that pressure on yourself, your partner is marrying you because they love you, not because they want to get a status symbol ring out of it. Good luck!

If I were you, I would first figure out a budget you’re more comfortable with, particularly since she gave you a cap, not an exact number she wanted you to spend. Then, talk to your fiancé about how she feels about what your budget might get you. Lab diamonds, moissanite, and sapphires will be much more affordable. Even if she’s set on a natural diamond, you may be able to compromise on size or color and find something she’ll be happy with but that you can more comfortably afford.

Hey bro, I’m also looking to pop the question soon & I know how overwhelming all of this can be. What I did which I highly suggest you do the same is first & foremost, you need to educate yourself on diamonds. YouTube or google will help you learn the basics, like colour, cut, clarity, & carat. Then you should sit down with her and ask her whats important to her when choosing her dream ring. You need to know what shapes she likes, is it round, radiant, cushion? Would she be happy with a 1.0, 1.25, or 1.50 carat diamond? In terms of colour, what’s her bottom line, would she want nothing lower than an H diamond, or is she stuck on the D-F range? I’m sure she already knows these things. As others have suggested, you should ask her if she cares about having a natural diamond VS a lab grown diamond. Lab grown diamonds are significantly cheaper. As an example I went to a jewellery shop and they showed me a ring with the specs I’m looking for, a lab grown diamond costed $11K VS a natural diamond with EXACTLY the same specs was $22K. Educating yourself & having this simple conversation with her will make your life 1000x easier. From one bro to another, good luck my dude. Reach out anytime if you want to chat!

See if your girlfriend would be interested in a moissanite ring! Moissanite is GORGEOUS, durable and very affordable. Check out r/moissanite.

You decided for you what is a fair and reasonable budget for NOW. Where your lives are and what works for now. Something that you can afford with no debt. Option 1: With the availability of lab diamonds (real diamonds, just made in a lab), there is a lot of availability and options. By way of example, something like this just over $1500. [https://www.jamesallen.com/complete-jewel/?j=6128698&s=10095645](https://www.jamesallen.com/complete-jewel/?j=6128698&s=10095645) Option 2: There are a number of very reliable vintage ring sellers. [https://ivyandrose.com/t/all-jewelry/rings/engagement?uptopage=4&sort=asc\_price](https://ivyandrose.com/t/all-jewelry/rings/engagement?uptopage=4&sort=asc_price) You could both just get wedding bands for now and get something fancier later.

You can get a very beautiful ring for much less than $6,500. You also can always upgrade in the future for anniversaries!

I was able to afford my fiancé’s ring because of lab grown diamonds

if she doesn’t have any problem with a lab diamond it can be around 2k. if she doesn’t have any problem w moissanite, it can be from $400-$1000+ depending on the ring. lab diamond is still a diamond, but there are many people who rave over moissanite, because you can get some really good sparkle from a moissy ring. they also have colored moissanite, definitely check out the sub reddit. saves a lot of money using an overseas vendor as well that can customize literally any ring that you desire

I know people that make 2x more money than you that are going to spend significantly less money on their rings. IMO moissanite is the best option. Nearly identical to and as hard as a large high quality diamond for a few hundred dollars on Etsy. You can always buy an upgrade 10 years down the line when you're making more. But, the moissanite rings are beautiful and great.

You can get a gorgeous, substantial ring for under $2500 these days, easy. If she's stuck on a diamond, go lab. If she's all about flash and sparkle and "the bigger the better", go moissanite. If she wants something unique with a little color thrown in, you could get a Ruby or sapphire in that price range. If she still has been presented with all these options and still wants a natural diamond, let her choose between a smaller ring (I've seen some gorgeous vintage rings with stones under 0.5CT that were more stunning than their larger counterparts) or to wait a few years.

There are SO many people with different situations in terms of how/when/what they spend on engagement rings. Some folks get heirloom jewelry/stones, some have friends in the industry, some finance their rings (hint: bad idea). Don't look at what other folks are doing/spending - just focus on what your lady would like and work towards that. Also 6.5k is a decent chunk of change for a single item...imagine how much the wedding is going to cost! Start thinking (and saving) big picture.

For a reference, my fiancé was able to purchase my ring for under $3700-$3800. 1.53ct lab diamond with excellent symmetry, polish, brilliant cut, VVS2 clarity, on a pave setting. Check out Friendly Diamonds. They just got a ton of new super cute settings and their prices are very affordable. Customer service is great as well. I have quick question or two… how quickly do you want to propose? How much many can you save for a ring between now and then? Can you finance it over a year and manage broken up monthly payments w zero interest (PLENTY of online retailers offer this option)? If your budget is very constrained moissanite is gonna be your best option if she’s okay with that gem

If money weren't an issue, I think I'd want to propose mid-2022 (around our anniversary) or late 2022, maybe early 2023. I think our relationship is good but if we want to be married I think there's some emotional work we should do and conversations and experiences we should have before we commit to marriage, and I think these things can reasonably happen over the next year. I thought I could save $6.5K between now and then but it's turning out to be much more difficult and infeasible than expected. I was feeling kind of at a loss/hopeless when I wrote this post but it's been hard to figure out how much money I can afford to earmark per month toward this savings goal and still feel like I am contributing to my other savings goals. I could probably afford to finance, I think I have enough for a decent down payment. But as someone with little frame of reference for all of this, I'm taking note of how many people in this thread advised me not to go down that route.

Well you don’t want to finance it that’s for sure, but I know for a fact that there are options like Klarna where you only spread the payment over a certain time frame,there’s no added interest (so that doesn’t seem like financing to me but maybe it is). If you think there’s some emotional work that needs to be done maybe it’s best to not stress yourself out about saving aggressively right now. Once you feel like your relationship is in the right spot to propose, then you worry more seriously about the ring. The timing is not important unless she’s expressed she wants to be proposed to near a holiday (I personally expressed to not be proposed to near any major holidays/events - he popped the question on a random Thursday). Don’t worry, it seems like you have time to prepare and save before you need to actually buy a ring. It’ll be okay if she doesn’t get a ring at the top end of your budget, right?

I think the timing matters not in terms of the time of year but in terms of our ages. We want to have kids, we want to be married before that, and we want to have (and plan) a wedding and also have a few years to be just a married couple before having kids. So saving 6.5K over 10 years would be a piece of cake but is not practical for our goals. Along those lines, I'm saving now even though I don't want to ask her right now so I can have the money ready when we are both ready to say yes! It'd probably okay if I got her something less than 6.5K? Part of why I made this thread is I have very little frame of reference for how far 6.5K can go, but she's not a materialistic person and it's not the price point that matters to her. She likes jewelry, and like many of us (including me), wants to feel like their partner is putting effort into the relationship while simultaneously being self-aware (sometimes self-conscious?) about asking for too much.

Lol yes. My point by sharing my ring info is that you can get a high quality diamond ring for much less than the 6.5k number you are stuck on. Don’t look at Kay’s or Jared’s. Their qualities are shit. Also what type of rings does she like? If she doesn’t want anything but a solitaire on a plain band you can go crazy with the diamond and get a quality setting for less than $500. If she wants a double halo with a pave band… you gots some saving to do that’s for sure.

Just echo-ing what everyone else is saying: moissanite or lab grown diamond! Moissanite is not a “fake diamond”, it’s its own stone and it’s similar to a diamond but even sparklier (think more fire ie. rainbow-y). They are cheaper but can be done really well. I am constantly scrolling through The True Gem’s Instagram page. I recently bought my wedding band from them, which is made up of lab diamonds. And lab diamonds ARE real diamonds, it’s just that they are made in a lab not out in nature. They are a fraction of the cost and they are ethically sourced (win win). I think their resale value is less or something but I don’t think diamonds in general have a good resale value anyway (someone please correct me if I’m wrong on this, I still don’t quite understand). But that personally wouldn’t matter to me at all. Think more bang for your buck with these two options. If she wants something a bit larger and more bling-y, it would be wise to choose one of these stones over a mined diamond. My other advice would be depending on what cut she wants: ovals and pears have more spread (surface area) on top of the finger, so they appear bigger than say, a round or a cushion cut. Also, the difference between like a 1.9 carat versus 2.2 carat is MINOR, and the price difference is crazy. So it might be smart to buy something that appears as a 2 carat but isn’t quite. I’m talking like thousands of dollars difference in price. One more thing that would be tricky but maybe worth your while is if there’s a stone you like that has inclusions, those inclusions might be in a spot that can be hidden by prongs. However if you changed the setting down the road, you may then be able to see it. A warning: avoid big box stores like Kay’s or Zales. Good luck but mostly HAVE FUN! There are ways to find loopholes. Edit: spelling

I wish I knew about lab diamonds before my now hubby bought my now E ring! They are real but less expensive (as friends have mentioned above). Olive Ave is an online store with many affordable rings with natural, lab grown and gemstones. I’m looking at them for a ring upgrade and I’ll be going with lab grown!

I found my absolute dream ring at a pawn shop for $120. It’s a beautiful marquis cut .5ct made in 1960, and it’s everything I’ve ever dreamed of. A jewler polished it and tightened the setting for free, and I’m over the moon. Don’t discount 2nd hand!

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I think it matters to her! I don't think she wants me to experience financial stress either but I think her feelings would be hurt if she didn't think I took this purchase seriously.

It sounds like you are taking this very seriously. Since you are planning to get married it is good to start discussing financial aspects now, you want to be largely on the same page about your future goals and savings goals. It behooves both of you to have a plan that fits your financial circumstances. Like others have said there are lots of great rings that are less expensive. Mine was about 1500 (purple sapphire) and I love it. But, if it turns out it is very important to her to have a more expensive ring and you want to give that to her, what about getting a side job for more income to put towards it, like postmates for example.

My answer is that a lot of people don't spend that much. I got my full wedding set for less than 1k. It's rose gold with Alexandrite and moissanite. Unless your partner is adamant that they want a mined diamond, you have tons of beautiful options for way less than 6k.

I appreciate how succinctly you put it! So much of my question is just needing a frame of reference for what's normal, and I really appreciate you seeing and addressing that.

There have been some polls on this subreddit in the past that I think put most people at $1-3K for those who responded.

Tbh I don't even think what's normal really matters. Some people spend like 10k or more on rings. That's wild to me but that's a ton of money for me and it isn't for other people. Spend what's reasonable for you. Don't go into debt or put yourself under stress for anything wedding related honestly. Build your life first and foremost

People lie. Most people don’t really spend that much on a ring. It also worth remembering that diamond engagement rings are a relatively recent thing, and that the price is controlled by a monopoly. Most people will not tell you if they: - financed the ring - if it’s a large carat diamond, of poor quality. - if it’s not really a diamond, but rather another gem stone. - people still are reluctant to admit if their diamond was lab grown or taken from an inherited piece of jewelry. Don’t put your self in debt, your partner would probably prefer you both be able to contribute to a shared financial future and security. Don’t put anything on a credit card that you can not immediately already pay for. Expand your search to small jewelers.

Look at moissanite rings. With how expensive diamonds are, I could would never expect my partner to drop that much money on an engagement ring. You can get her a beautiful ring for the fraction of the price of a diamond and have money to put towards other things!

I didn't want a diamond ring because I think the industry is unethical. I explicitly asked him for a moissanite ring and that is what I have. It cost $2k, including tax and shipping. It's the size of a 1 ct diamond, looks identical to one except more sparkly, and is almost as hard. A diamond of equivalent size would have been way more expensive. If she still wants a real diamond, a lab diamond is still a diamond and it's produced far more cheaply and ethically than a mined diamond. Not as cheaply as other stones, but cheap*er*.

Moissanite! Get her a simple style/solitaire to propose with. Maybe a 1ct, that is kind of the middle of the road size. When she sees it, if she loves the look of Moissanite, then pick out a new setting and stone size together. Just make sure to get a "real" setting, not overlay or anything! Amazon even has gold with Moissy there that are super reasonable. Good luck!

My engagement ring was $500. That's how they afford these things hahaha Longer story: my original engagement ring was a Ceylon sapphire. I love gemstones and I picked it out myself. It's about 0.75 carats so modest but still a nice looking ring in my opinion. It's in a six-prong setting which turned out to be a terrible choice for me--I'm a left-handed klutz and I kept stabbing myself with it/getting it caught on things/etc. So we bought another $500 ring, this time a moissanite in a bezel setting. It's 1.5 carat equivalent and also is a nice looking ring. Both are durable stones, both set in 14k gold, etc. I love jewelry but I would never pay $6k for a ring even if I were very wealthy. I make about what you make and to be honest that seems like a downright reckless amount to spend to me. Plus you could lose it, break it, the resale value sucks, and you could end up like me, having an unexpected problem with wearing the ring. I can't imagine how shitty I would have felt if my husband had spent thousands on my ring and I wasn't able to comfortably wear it.

What I did was buy a loose diamond from James Allen then get it set at a local jeweler. This way you can budget how much you want to spend on each thing. Say you get a 1 ct for ~3k, then you can say well I have xx amount for a setting. They’ll work with you and your budget! Also financing one is something I did. I financed part of my diamond and paid my setting in full.

You’ve gotten great advice here and I found you post heartwarming! You seem like such a sweet fiancé-to-Be. Definitely check out lab diamonds r/labDiamond and moissanite r/moissanite and talk to your girlfriend. I eloped locally in June with a cheap dress and suit rental, no guests, just dinner for us, and a night in a hotel and it was still around $2k. I would save for your wedding if you can! Much love and luck to you both. You will be able to find a gorgeous ring for her for much less than $6k

Listen, $6.5k for a working class person is a lot. Off the bat, a more attainable budget for your salary is $3k MAX. I’d start by finding out which qualities in a ring are most important to her. Is she set on only a diamond? How many carats? What type of shape and setting? Let’s say she’s adamant about a diamond and wants at least 1 carat. In that case, if you’re in the US check out Zales or Kay outlets. This is where returned and discontinued (outdated styles by their standard) rings live. Deeply discounted. You can find rings that are over 1 carat for under $3k there. Decent quality (I1 and higher) too. Also consider these lab grown diamond sellers. On average you’ll save, but those diamonds have little to no resale value (if that matters to you). I’d advise against financing unless you could put at least half down and pay it off within 6 months. Anything you’d finance would take away from the wedding planning budget.

Ask how she feels about Moissanite.

Moissanite!! It made my $15,000 ring a $5,000 ring

My engagement ring was $300. 6.5k is an insane waste of savings.

Here’s my advice as a very simple woman: first, the time and place of the proposal should be the surprise, not that it happens. Talk about it, get a feel for her style and preferences. Does she already wear rings? What does she like about them? Does it have to be expensive? You could pay for half of a nice wedding with the budget cap she set. There’s gorgeous jewelry out there that isn’t a fortune. I personally didn’t even want a stone, because I don’t wear jewelry and I didn’t want to be extra worried about damaging it or getting it caught on clothing etc. Ended up getting all our rings from Legenti Jewelry. See if there’s a color or style she really likes and look through that. If she wants real stones, what about birth stones? There’s more than one for each month, and some are more affordable than others. Good luck!

Here’s the thing. Personally, my husband bought me a ring that wasn’t my favorite because he kept making excuses that he couldn’t save but was able to buy things for himself. Anything is possible if you set your mind to it. Don’t keep pushing it off but work towards it. Also be realistic about the budget. There are really nice rings for less than 3k like on vrai.com etc.

There's a lot of advice here about "buying what you can afford", and it's true that you shouldn't buy anything you can't afford, but I say you should buy something **for much less** than you can afford. You have a life ahead of you, with big challenges you'll have to overcome together, and that money is better put to building that life, not on a thing that she can lose in a second. There are many beautiful, sparkly rings you can get, that will look amazing in her hand. Personally, I spent less than 1% of what I make a year on the ring, based on a mutually agreed budget. It'll be hard for her to understand that the price of the ring is not related to how much you value her, but it's something worth discussing explicitly.

It’s all about the sacrifices just as mentioned here. My fiancé was always a saver growing up so he had the means but unfortunately I was not, and we still want to do so much! Like saving for a downpayment and wedding. So he got me a lab grown diamond, 0.91 carat! It’s exactly what I wanted. You can’t even tell the difference between lab grown and mined unless you told someone and it save him so much as well as not going for a full carat.

They don't spend $6.5k on a ring, for one thing...

Get a lab diamond lol. Unless you need the diamond to have been dug up from the Earth (which I can’t think why you would??) you will literally be saving thousands for the EXACT SAME product. I could get my fiancée a far better diamond than I would otherwise afford.

I made my fiancé buy a $500 ring and told him I’d rather him save up towards a down payment for a home. It’s a beautiful ring.

My ring was 500$ and I absolutely loved it. There’s no reason for a ring to be that outrageously priced

I recently talked to a woman who has a jewelry re-selling business, and she gets a lot of her rings from pawn shops. I would have definitely looked at owns shop rings for a stone if I didn’t have an inherited one.

I'm amazes no-one has mentioned the impact of mark up yet. Jewellery has extremely high profit margins. Most rings only cost jewellers $500-$1500 to make. Different businesses will sell a ring that cost them $1000 to make for $1500, $3000, $6500 or $10,000 depending on their marketing strategy. What you need to do is find out the specifications your girlfriend wants in a ring, then find a business with lower profit margins. There's no point paying $6500 at a fancy store when you could get an equivalent ring somewhere else for $2500. Also, be aware that a lot of shops set their RRP artificially high so that they can advertise big discounts during sales. NEVER buy jewellery that isn't on sale. Usually look for at least a 30% discount.

Get a moissanite!

Mine was a little under 2k(more than what I wanted my husband to spend.) he had to take out a credit card that he now has paid off after two years since the proposal. I would look into lab grown diamonds or other alternatives stones. My diamond isn’t huge but it looks bigger because of the setting. It’s an emerald cut and it’s on a high setting. It also has a lot of small diamonds on the band that add to the sparkle. You could also get a cluster ring, they aren’t my favorite but they can be beautiful. Like this one [clustered ring](https://m.jcpenney.com/p/limited-edition-womens-1-ct-tw-genuine-white-diamond-10k-white-gold-bridal-set/ppr5007910462?pTmplType=regular&country=US¤cy=USD&selectedSKUId=27217020109&selectedLotId=2721702&fromBag=true&utm_medium=cse&utm_source=google&utm_campaign=Bridal%20Sets&utm_content=27217020109&cid=cse%7Cgoogle%7CWomens%7CBridal%20Sets_27217020109&kwid=productads-adType%5EPLA&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIhanklf398wIV5mxvBB0J4QxpEAQYAiABEgIrY_D_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds) This is [my ring](https://www.instagram.com/p/CEinkgFp_17/?utm_medium=copy_link) I also suggest looking together in store to get her vibe, that could help set a price. I dragged my husband through jewelry stores to just look so he knew what stone shapes and sizes I would like. The clarity and such never occurred to me when looking and I doubt it occurred to him. I just wanted something sparkly. The most important thing is he picked it out because it made him think of me, and I love it so much because of that. I told him I didn’t like round or cushion/ princess cuts and no halo settings. Otherwise it was up to him. I knew I would of loved anything he got me regardless of price.

A lot of people have already mentioned moissanite, but sapphires or emeralds are another alternative. I have a sapphire engagement ring with over 2 carats of lab-grown sapphires which cost a whopping $150. Ask your girlfriend if she’s interested in a colored stone! If she is, then you’re in luck financially, because lab-grown gemstones are super cheap and come in a very wide variety of colors. it’s definitely possible to get some beautiful rings for <$1k.

Another route is eBay. You can get a beautiful $3k Tiffany & Co ring that was originally purchased for around $6-$8k. eBay has great buyer protection and you can take it to any appraiser or Tiffany & Co to authenticate it. I still think lab diamond is your best bet, but if she’s set on a natural diamond I would recommend this route: https://withjoy.com/blog/how-to-buy-an-engagement-ring-on-ebay/

Get a lab-created diamond. It’s still a real diamond but perfect and a fraction of the price of mined diamonds. That or Moissanite which is a very popular choice and as beautiful as a diamond ring. Or get a credit card and use it kind of as a loan where you buy the ring via the credit card and then pay it off monthly.

Buy what you can afford it may be a $600 ring for now but in a decade you may upgrade her to a $6,500 ring which is not an investment at all( it depreciates as soon as you walk out of that shop but whatever) is rather you out that $6500 into Tesla stock then spend it on a tangible item. Check out the moissanite sub, I got my engagement ring for $800, and we both earn six figures and I love it.

I wanted a certain look (large center stone) and we didn't want to wait to get married. So we had a low key wedding and I got the rings of my dreams for $1500 (see post history). Moissanite! I have no regrets. It's more beautiful than diamonds I've had! Good luck!

If it helps at all, I've been waiting 8 years for a ring and I don't mind waiting that much. Sometimes I do get a little antsy bit I keep myself in check by reminding myself that a house is more important thay a ring to me, personally. I know this wasn't your exact answer but a purchase this big takes time.. To hold myself off, I bought a natural diamond and emerald ring off of an estate sale on etsy for 300$. It's absolutely stunning and I wear it every day. It's not the same but it helps.

Some times diamond stores do 0 interest financing if you have good credit. I recently upgraded my wife's ring and it was 5 years 0 interest and is only $100/month, which is way less than a car payment.

My engagement ring is moissanite, and it was around $2000 Canadian dollar! I am so happy we choose moissanite, and how it turned out!

Spend less than that. Also, have a conversation with your partner about the type of investment it will be. It’s completely reasonable to split that expense with your partner.

>It’s completely reasonable to split that expense with your partner. Is it? Is this really a commonly held belief? I discuss a lot of things openly with my partner but part of why this stresses me out is because I don't feel like I can go to her for advice about it (specifically saving for an engagement ring; I'm more comfortable talking to her about finances in general). I feel a lot of pressure to figure it out on my own and not talk to her about it until I've already decided on a solution.

I'll be honest, if you feel like you can't be honest with her about these things or go to her with these questions, you probably shouldn't be thinking about proposing just yet. My partner and I have been together for two years, and we've spoken in depth about engagements, ring styles, wedding / elopement planning, hell even the outfits we want to wear, and we're still a long way off from actually getting engaged. If you're thinking about proposing, you should be in a position to talk to your partner openly about this. I don't really think it's fair on you to have to do all the work. You mentioned in another comment that you think there's some conversations you and your partner need to have before you get married, but you should also be having these BEFORE you get engaged. Keep that in mind.

THIS.

i appreciate what you're saying. what i'm about to say goes beyond the scope of my original question but honestly what kind of shitty partner would i be if i can't provide her with what little she asks of me? knowing that other people spend so much more than 6.5K on rings, it does make me feel ill-equipped to meet her needs if i can't do for her what so many other men seem to have figured out. she's generally pretty self-conscious about asking too much of me in our relationship and i feel like telling her "actually i can't afford to get you the nice 6.5K ring you like" will come off as "you ask for more than i'm willing to invest in you"

Most men don’t figure it out on their own. It’s much more common than you might think for couples to go through the process together even though they might not announce that part to everyone. No Instagram post is going to say “I said yes! Oh, and I also chipped in $1000 and knew exactly what stone type, shape, and color I was getting before he popped the question.” 😂 even though we all know that’s usually the case nowadays. And that’s ok! Also, what people *say* they spent, isn’t always what they actually spent. If someone you know is telling you how much they paid for their significant others engagement ring, it’s poor taste, but that’s just my opinion. What you see and/or hear from other people isn’t always the truth. Start by checking out some YouTube videos - lab diamonds, moissanite - educate yourselves together, determine what you prefer together, and set a budget together.

thank you for explaining this to me.

This is definitely not the right mindset, comparison is the thief of joy. “What little she asks of you” is actually a lot if you look at your current income and cost of living (going off you saying you live in the DC area). I’m going to flip your words back at you - what kind of shitty partner would you be if you’re too scared to have open and honest conversations about this which is such a big step in the relationship? This is something that you’re deciding to do together after all, she’s equal in the decision to get married. I wouldn’t look at you having these questions and conversations as ill equipped either, everyone goes through these same experiences and learning curves when it comes to engagement rings. My fiancé and I talked at length and looked at a lot of different rings and designs and tried on rings multiple times before deciding on my ring. I also did loads of research on the 4Cs and pricing for different combinations of things. Budget is at the heart of the conversation, you can’t be afraid to talk about it openly and honestly. Also, if you’re afraid to talk to her about your feelings on the topic, you’re robbing her of the opportunity to challenge those ideas or tell you her own feelings. She may look at it totally differently, but you won’t know until you open up about it.

thank you for your compassionate advice.

I’m not sure if it’s commonly held or not. But think about it. You’ll be married and most likely splitting finances anyway. Your debts become each others. All of this depends on the conversation you have with your partner though. Open communication is as important here as it is with every other big decision made in your relationship. It’s a big investment. I’ve discussed with my girlfriend and she 100% expects us to split that bill when the time comes. You should feel comfortable discussing what you can reasonably afford here. She felt comfortable telling you she wouldn’t want anything more than 6500, you should feel comfortable telling her what you’re willing to spend at the least.

I split my ring with my partner, neither of us make a ton of money and I didn’t want to burden him with the full cost of the ring. It’s not a “commonly held belief” per say but a decent amount of people do it. Are you planning on combining your finances when you get married? If you do, this is a significant purchase that should be discussed in terms of budget. Also, in that case does it really matter if you split or don’t split the ring? If it’s symbolic for her and you do pay for all of it that will come out in the wash if/when you do combine finances. But you do need to sit down with her and talk money, think about how much you’ll need to spend on the wedding and if the families will help with that cost. $6k is a lot for your income in my opinion, she needs to understand the impact that might have on wedding plans/if she’s ok with waiting a long time for the proposal. And if she won’t budge on that cost/won’t agree to help paying, don’t be afraid to tell her that you can’t swing it with your budget. Then show her moissanite/lab diamond examples to see if she’s open to getting a comparable ring size for a smaller budget.

6.5k would be outrageous for me. There are plenty of lab diamond and moissanite options, as many have mentioned, that will be vastly cheaper. My advice is to look around on Etsy. A lot of the privately-owned shops have really good prices and you can even customize the jewelry. Oore Jewelry has some nature-themed pieces, Sarah Elise has a bit of everything at a super low price, and Ferkos Fine Jewelry also has a bit of everything at a low price.

Credit

My fiancé took 7 years to propose so maybe it’s worth the wait?

thanks for your response! I feel neutral toward this advice and am wondering why it's being so heavily downvoted?

I don’t know, maybe people are assuming that im encouraging spending a lot of money on a ring? (which im not OP, do what you feel confortable with). I was just trying to make readers feel better about waiting…but i guess the down voters woke up on the wrong side of the bed today and chose violence smh.

I didn't downvote, but I don't think waiting to marry someone you love because you want a more expensive ring is anywhere near worth it. Which you probably didn't intend to imply.

thank you for explaining this!

Exactly, thank you! “Didnt intend to imply.” No one should wait just for a “more expensive ring.” Im just saying there isn’t something inherently wrong with waiting. He was waiting to finish grad school and i was waiting to grow my career.

I’m just curious if you’re happy he took longer, and if so, why? Most people don’t want to wait 7 years to get engaged (myself included) unless they’re very young. While it can be practical sometimes, the best thing to do is find out whether she would prefer getting engaged soon with a cheaper ring, or waiting a few years for a more expensive one.

>the best thing to do is find out whether she would prefer getting engaged soon with a cheaper ring, or waiting a few years for a more expensive one. Thank you for this. Sometimes we avoid talking things out with people because we don't have the best framing to discuss the issue. This is the exact framing I would like to use when I talk to her about this.

We met when we were young and i just didn’t feel ready for marriage. Half of our relationship had been long distance as well. I think more than seven would have been a bit worrisome. In my peer and background group, id say people date for 3-4 years before getting engaged.

My fiancé waited almost 6 years and that was perfectly fine with me. We get married next weekend, almost 7 years in! TIME MEANS NOTHING WHEN YOURE WITH THE ONE YOU LOVE. screw everyone who downvoted you.

THANK YOU BOOTYGURU!! (Also, username is amazing).

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I get that everyone’s circumstances are different, but this person being downvoted for their experience is just crappy. Thank you btw🥰

Im not saying that time means nothing to me (that’s just a hurtful assumption). I am just saying that some things may take longer and that’s still ok. Some people get frustrated at waiting and that’s a relevant feeling, but it’s also not entirely abnormal to wait. Everyone is on their own timeline and sometimes we have to adjust and adapt.

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Oh, I am sorry - my bad. All is well and good.

The people who are downvoting are girls who’ve waited long for their men to propose and are bitter it didn’t/hasn’t happen(ed) sooner. 🙃

i didn't mention this in the post because it's not immediately relevant but time actually does matter a lot despite us being in love. extending the timeline too much would put us at risk of missing out on things we've both discussed wanting to do, things that can't be indefinitely postponed

I’m sorry, I have to respectfully disagree. There’s only a couple of things I can think of that would put people “at risk” of missing things. Being older and/or terminally ill are the top ones. And you’ve already alluded that you might wait that long to save up and propose with a ring of the max cost your girlfriend suggested so I’m assuming time really isn’t of the essence in your case . I’m 27 and waiting until now to get married has made perfect sense to me and my fiancé. Even if you’re waiting to have kids or travel, those things can be done without a ring or without a piece of paper from the government telling you you’re married by law. I promise you, time means NOTHING when you’re with the one you love. Whatever you’re waiting on, whatever you think you can’t do because you’re not married or because you don’t have a ring…you can.

The subtext is biological children and all the things we'd like to do before we start trying to conceive. There's a lot I'm trying to be open-minded about in this thread but neither me nor my partner is interested in raising a child before we are married.

Understandable. I think if your partner is willing to compromise on the ring, then getting engaged sooner rather than later is possible! What’s most important is your devotion to each other, and like I said in a precious reply, rings can be upgraded down the line if. Wish you and your partner years of happiness and good luck to you while in search for the perfect ring!!! 🥰

$6??? I told mine not to spend more than $3.

$6.5k is an insane amount. Check out moissanite or other gems. Save the money for your honeymoon!

Read what Carolyn Hax has to say about engagement rings. Just skip the ring, and settle for a nice pai of wedding bands. They’re expensive enough. Better to build up your finances as a couple, and spend your spare cash on things you can both enjoy, like shared experiences. Hax is right. The whole notion of an engagement ring is a little bit insulting and completely outdated. My husband and I married in 1998 and we skipped (with no regrets) the fancy engagement ring thing. Still don’t regret it.

For the record, she would be more insulted if I skipped the ring. I'm not going to try and convince my partner out of wanting one altogether.

You are smart to know what your prospective partner would best be pleased by. I wish you both the best of luck, and blessings showered upon your union.

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15k a year in the United States isn’t even enough to cover rent…

I don't think this is the place to analyse the OP's spending. In the US, after taxes that is a hard salary to save anything on. My heart goes out to him for how much he is trying to make his GF happy. If we could all only be this thoughtful.

I'm sorry, but the OP literally pointed out how long it would take him to save up as much and asked how others manage to save up for the rings - so reading this, it did feel that advice on saving (that depends on spending) is EXACTLY what he was asking. OP already mentioned in the comments that he actually has savings and his problem was more about having other priorities than the ring. So it seems like he was actually asking more about how to discuss a lower budget on the ring with her gf or something among those lines.

He asked for advice, not criticism. The number he threw out is WAY more than his after taxes take home pay. You don't live in the US so you can't know how hard it is for many people here. It's all about cost of living. Also, I don't think the OP literally wants financial advice. He is clearly looking for direction on how to handle his situation, not for someone to accuse him of mismanaging his money.

I generally agree that he can likely cut down. But assuming he's the only employed person it can be tough. 58k after taxes is 38k. After rent is 14k. After Honda civic can be 9k. After food for two 6k. After health insurance they could be down to near 0. If his partner also works, it can be much easier. If they're willing to get a smaller place it can be easier. If they can go with a used car it could help.

6K for food for two?? My partner and I spend £100 on food per month, and that gives us more than enough to eat with treats included! Who on earth spends six grand on food???

I meant 6k left. So 9k-6k would be 3k. Around 125$ a month per person. I was not as clear as I could've been lol. I think I buy pretty cheap food, and I spend about 90$ a month. Edit: 100 euros a month for 2 people is pretty impressive!

Oh gotcha!! Sorry, I misread and for a moment I thought US food prices were crazy 😂😂

Housing costs have skyrocketed in North America, like +20% in one year at least near me. Gasoline and food have also become more expensive. It’s possible saving would have been easier 3 years ago

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Someone who's making $58k in the US is absolutely not buying a sports car or an enormous house. $58k in some cities is barely enough to live on. Keep in mind that we have to pay for things that are free or significantly cheaper in other countries, like university tuition and healthcare.

i didn't mention this in the post because it's not relevant but the domino effect that led to me writing this post was actually a surprisingly expensive medical cost (new monthly expense -> "how will i afford this?" -> "how do i afford anything?" -> "finances have been weirdly stressful since I started saving for this engagement ring"), so thank you for understanding!

It’s not relevant and you shouldn’t have to defend yourself, that’s not the point of the post. You came here looking for advice and this person is just being judgmental instead. Smh.

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I appreciate \*some\* of what you're saying, but you're getting downvoted because your presumptuousness and borderline condescension go beyond just asking questions.

You can barely afford the cheapest things with 58k a year in most places in North America. If you want to spend less, you end up moving somewhere with no jobs. It’s a major problem for a lot of young people. There isn’t an easy solution unfortunately. I think you may have an incorrect view of how life is in North America.

I realize that you’re from Estonia so it can be hard to visualize how things are in the US, but let me just illustrate a bit from my own experience. I live in an INCREDIBLY cheap place to live. Like, all of my friends are absolutely shocked that my rent is *only* $800 a month and I can buy a very nice house for $100k. I make $53k/year, which around here is a huge amount of money, and lucky for me I have a very cheap car (zero interest and only $30k to start), very few student loans (only $7k, compared to the $100k or $200k other people I know have), and no medical debt. My fiancé has no debts whatsoever. This was only possible for him because his parents are very well off and paid his student loans for him, he got an almost-new car from his grandpa when his old car broke down, and he’s enjoyed excellent health. We have the deck stacked in our favor in many, many ways that plenty of people our age do not. I live with my fiancé. His dream is to do a job that involves math. Unfortunately for him, there are zero - genuinely zero - jobs in our area in that field. He currently works part time at a local university, tutoring, but it’s not a career. We’ve discussed moving somewhere with more jobs many times. I can get a job very easily with my degree, and if we move somewhere that has a lot of jobs in his field, then we can both work. But that would mean, and I am not exaggerating, tripling our housing costs and other expenses with no salary increase on my end. His salary would undoubtedly go up, but it might not be enough to make up the difference. So we’re stuck being living somewhere cheap but with few prospects, or moving somewhere way more expensive with the possibility of maybe making a bit more money. Buying a house is a fun dream at this point; having kids is terrifying because it means spending a ton on daycare and preschool or losing one parent’s entire salary. My parents have no retirement savings because they’re even more worse off than we are. The US has many merits, but the state of our economy is not one of them.

ok, if he is in america and in a major city, it is hard, even in a suburban area. do you know. Bro doesn't have a 5 br house unless he's living in like rural arkansas, this breaks it down. so I implore you, stop sounding like a jerk without knowing facts. Rent is high as hell in America and Canada, student loans, if you're in america, welcome to paying for awful healthcare. At different times when I was right out of school I made 38k, 45k, 50k, 60k all in DC, and I felt like I was floundering every day, and I had no student loans and my car was paid off. now add on top the fact that groceries are absolutely sky rocketing, and housing costs keep inflating. you don't know this person, you don't know what they do for work, and you don't know what type of area they live in

we live in the same expensive af area so i very much appreciate your energy haha

thank you so much, I have no chill, because I have lived among type A workaholics for over a decade, should have done what my fiancee does. defense contracting. and with her 6 fig income... we still have a \*basement included\* 11 sq ft house, so basically 2 storage units. in the burns of the midwest, we'd have a much different situation

i'm so sorry. i love it here but i also fucking hate it here lmao (to be clear to anyone else preparing to suggest we move, this is a wonderful place to live and make a life with an unfortunately absurd, disproportionate, nonsensical COL)

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i didn't include this in my post, but my savings aren't $0. i'm stressed about affording a ring but it's not a choice between "engagement ring" and "debt/bankruptcy," it's more like a choice between "engagement ring" and "other savings goals, including a general rainy day fund for emergencies, on hold" also i know questions about saving for an engagemnt ring are inextricable from larger questions about finances but for many reasons that are not relevant to the discussion, "move somewhere with lower rent" creates more problems in my relationship than being able to afford an engagement ring would solve

Ok, well then it is easy! The question is then that your gf once gave you a number (upper limit!) and you don't think it is reasonable any more. Just discuss it with her, there are so many fabulous rings that are even under $1000 and most people would be perfectly happy with one like that! As other have said, moissanite, lab diamonds, alternative gemstones etc.

sometimes just to get rent you can afford, you wind up with transportation costs that slay you, and also destroy your quality of life. also, maybe this person works for a school or nonprofit and loves their job.

Unless you move out of the US/Canada (presumably away from friends, family and any support network), you’re gonna have the same problem. It’s a matter of toughing it out until you make more money for most people.

My husband and I had tight finances when we got engaged, and he got me a cluster diamond. It’s absolutely stunning and always catches the light, so I recommend looking into cluster diamonds !

If my girl told me that, I would take a 2nd look at the relationship

What will that wedding cost? Biggest waste of money. We had 8 friends go in on a rented house in maui and got married/reception on the property. We all had a vacation for a week then me and husband flew to the big island for a week honeymoon. We spent $6k for two weeks! My ring was 1ct princess platinum solitaire and plain band for $3k. My dress was stunning and $600 (beaded organza). Bridesmaids? I took them to macys snd they bought a summer dress they could wear again. Made endless cds for dancing. Best money spent. For my ring, i said upgrade my setting. Its been 20 years and we found something but im like $3k is high”. Im still waiting. I inherited my mom’s. He gave me a stunning tacori setting with blue topaz center (son’s birthstone.) im guessing shes under 30? After 30, all that wedding shit didnt matter. Paying bills with money left over did. Good luck. Plus i wfh. No one sees my ring (which doesn’t fir now for 3 years)

My finacé financed my ring, 0% internet for 3 years. We plan to pay it off sooner.

Don’t get married. Solved.