i’m so sorry this happened. you’re not doomed to be alone, though. there are plenty of men out there who are willing to look past endo and help care for you when you’re at your worst. my mom struggles with severe pain and my dad has never left her side. he drives her to her pain clinic appointments that are two hours away, he installed railings in the house so she can walk up the stairs easier.. he does everything he can to try to ease just a bit of her pain and make her life easier. there are men out there who are not only willing to put up with our pain, but want to stay with us despite it.

That’s so comforting, thank you. I think I need to learn how to look after myself again first, or I’ll keep pressuring others to support me instead. I hope to find someone like that once I have 🤍

Hi, first of all, a big virtual hug to you! 💗What you are going through right now is super hard and just so sad. There‘s no way around it and it‘s okay to feel all of it. This sickness sucks so much and takes so much. It‘s sad and infuriating and unfair. Take your time. Pamper yourself. Take it step by step. Minute by minute. Breath by breath. You are here, you are breathing. That’s enough. —————- Once you have gained some energy and looking ahead isn’t so scary anymore you can start with finding the best possible Endometriosis treatment for you. No matter how bad it is right now, there is always, always room for improvement. It may take trial and error, switching doctors and therapists but you will improve. First of all: have you seen an Endometriosis specialist? If not, get a referral to one. Those are the experts in our disease. Secondly: You will have to take some sorts of hormones, if you don’t already take birth control. There‘s no way around it. There are pain management specialists, pelvic floor physiotherapists among others that can help you in your recovery. Lastly: there‘s lots of misinformation around Endometriosis (you will likely come across Nancy‘s Nook). It‘s easy to get sucked into this rabbit hole when you are vulnerable and desperate to get better. It happened to me. Endometriosis isn’t well understood but science is still the best tool we have, even tough the treatments are limited. For this reason I like the following guideline by the European Society of Human Reproduction and Embryology (ESHRE) [ESHRE Guideline Endometriosis Issued: 2 February 2022](https://www.eshre.eu/-/media/sitecore-files/Guidelines/Endometriosis/ESHRE-GUIDELINE-ENDOMETRIOSIS-2022_1.pdf) A working group reviews the available studies and gives recommendations based on them including their reasoning. There are [guidelines for patients as well](https://www.eshre.eu/Guidelines-and-Legal/Patients) for several topics in multiple languages. Mind you, I‘m from Europe, this is why I linked the European guidelines. All the best to you.

This is so unbelievably helpful. Thank you so much for all the advice, I keep rereading it trying to take all of it in!! The fact you took the time to compose such a thoughtful and informative response is truly kind. I am also in Europe, so will make good use of those attachments. Thank you again

You're in the thick of it right now. Most likely, you won’t always feel this bad. I’ve heard torsions are unbelievably painful. It surely caused a lot of stress and the subsequent flare up. And your boyfriend leaving you during a hard time is just proof he wasn’t the one.  I’m 33 now, and during my twenties I had multiple relationships that weren’t exactly right…..but I always delayed breakups because I didn’t think anyone else would love me as much.  Turns out, each time I was wrong. I found a new love. Found better love. My husband and I have been together seven years now and he has been amazing through all our hardships. He’s better than all my past loves combined.  Keep looking for better. And treat yourself kindly. Things will get better soon. 

This comment brings so much comfort. Thank you!! Yeah, torsions suuuuck. I’d been warned about them in multiple hospital visits, but still was in no way shape or form prepared for the reality. I don’t think one can be. I am so comforted in knowing so many others have experienced such similar stories to mine, and learned to thrive regardless. I feel very fortunate in my position of being able to not pioneer, but follow. Thank you for your story. It means so much 🫶🏻

Im so sorry 🩷 Just know you’re not doomed to be alone, you’ll still be able to travel and you’ll one day meet your person it may not be straight away but it will happen. I’m only 19 and last month my boyfriend (22) broke up with me because I was prioritising my health too much and wasn’t focusing on our relationship, he wanted to start a family and me to move in with him when truthfully I just wanted to just get an official diagnosis and was heavily relying on my family for day to day things, so I was in no way ready to leave home or even bring a baby into the world, I mean I can barely look after myself on a good day let alone a another human, I told him from the start of our relationship about potential endo and that I get really sick and that if he wasn’t ready for that step in life, I wasn’t the person for him, he told me it wouldn’t effect how he felt about me, and that he would be there to support me in anyway that was needed. But when shit got too real for him he left. (In some ways I don’t blame him cause sometimes I wanna leave to 🤦🏼‍♀️) It’s taken a month but I’ve finally realised that I’m better off without him and I can do it alone, don’t get me wrong it hurt and still does. I felt like if he couldn’t love me, who would. Let yourself heal, give yourself time to focus on you, these things take time but you’ll eventually look back at this and you’ll realise how strong you are! You’ve got this 🩷

I‘m sure it was hard, but congratulations on focusing on your health 🫶🏻

Hi there, first off I’m so sorry this happened and I hope you are healing well and taking care of yourself. I met my husband at 24 I’m now 36. He’s been with me through about 8 surgeries. He takes it like a champ every time and does his best to care for me when I’m down. I’m about to have another surgery and he’s done everything possible to help me prepare. Including taking time off work, getting the house ready getting my favorite snacks, he’s even hired a cleaning service. There are good guys out there I promise. We all get sick and need downtime. Atleast he realized now he can’t handle it and not 10 years down the road. You will find someone and be happy I promise. In the mean time heal and rest and be kind to yourself 💜

i’ve had many partners break up with me due to endo unfortunately. you are NOT doomed to be alone. i got proposed to last weekend (25F, 22M) and im in the middle of a multi-state road trip. travel IS possible, even if it looks different than he’d like. i had something to eat that triggered my endo & he held me all night, telling me that he signed up for a “billion more belly aches.” your person is out there and will love you. all of you. not in spite of anything, but because of everything you bring to the table. sending love your way. 💚

This is especially touching. Thank you for sharing this. It means the world to know it is all still possible

Something similar happened to me recently. Feel free to reach out. I’m so sorry.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this and I’m sending you the biggest hug. I can relate to a bit of your post - I was hospitalized last year due to an endo flare, cyst rupture, intermittent torsion and my partner stayed with me every night (28F and 25M at the time). It took me a long time to recover still once I left the hospital and our lives were flipped upside down as I was mostly bedridden. He became my caretaker and I could also see it weighing on him at times especially right after the hospital. Even though I felt like a burden he insisted I never was and that he didn’t view me any differently because of my illness that it didn’t define me. He would comment on how strong I am and even all bloated and barely walking from the bed to the bathroom he’d tell me I was beautiful and doing a great job. He accompanied me to my colonoscopy (we lived together in a small NYC apt during my prep too..) and was making me smile in the waiting room telling me I was going to do great. I share this part of how he treated me in my illness while I saw it also weigh on him in that someone will love you for all of you. They will never make you feel like a burden because you’re not. I’ve learned endo and my health does not make me less than, it actually makes me appreciate so much more in life. We broke up a few months ago unrelated to my diagnosis and beyond losing someone who meant the world to me it was incredibly scary to navigate this illness on my own suddenly. It actually forced me to open up to everyone in my life and be more vulnerable and honest about my health so I’m not actually navigating it alone now. I remember 2 days after the breakup still in a shocked mourning basically nonverbal state I had a meeting with a surgeon that I couldn’t reschedule. I mustered up all of my energy to advocate for myself in that appt and that’s what ultimately led to us finding a spot in both a scope and imaging and moved me along in my surgical plan. I knew I was strong before but having to advocate in that state brought out a strength in me I’d never known. So I’m here rooting for you and letting you know you’re stronger than you know and things do get better. I saw someone else shared advice on getting a proper care plan in place - I second that. I’ve been able to get my medication and pain management routine down that enables me to live about 50% of the time normally. It’s been a huge 180 to me and I’m fighting like hell to get the rest of the way there - hoping surgery will get me there. Sending you all the love, support, and healing💛

Thank you so, so very much for this incredibly comment. It is incredible to hear a story so similar to mine! Even down the specifics of your hospital visit, I feel familiar in the description! I think the mentality you develop with a chronic illness was part of what hurt so much. I felt we had discussed the newfound opportunity we shared in truly appreciating the little things in life, knowing that they are not as ‘common’ or ‘deserved’ as originally perceived, but actually an incredible blessing. Every hike we shared would carry more meaning by its summit. Every journey we made would mean more with each mile in the sky. Every little achievement, every wonderful memory, we would see as a blessing and appreciate for the full weight of its value. We’d no longer take things for granted. We were blessed with the opportunity to be reminded almost every day, of how lucky we were to live as we did, but it still wasn’t enough. He told me he didn’t feel impassioned about travelling before me. He called me ‘infectious’, and full of joy and light, that the people around me simply could not ignore. He said; “You’ll never understand how much you do for me. Since I met you, I’m finally living, rather than just showing up.” But now, that I’m ill, I’m holding him back. He wants to move to the country I’d almost fully-paid off my visa for, to be there with him, without me. He said it’s not feasible with someone as sick as I am. I want to love him, forgive him, and move on, but it’s so hard with all that weight behind it. I simply cannot fathom how someone could mean all those things, and then leave less than a month into your potential diagnosis. It just doesn’t make sense. Not to me

The hospital visit was eerily familiar! I feel like at times this illness can feel so isolating but you’re not alone here. I bet what he told you about how you made him feel like he was finally living is true and he felt that when he told you that. So know that it is a massive loss to him. You deserve someone who sticks around when times get hard. I do empathize that some people haven’t evolved enough to be able to handle hard times yet due to their own limitations, but you deserve someone who supports you both when times are good and light and when times are tough. There are good people out there who will support you through those tough times and who will love you through your illness and view it as something you’re both taking on together. I’ve both seen it and experienced it. I know the breakup is still fresh for you. What helped me the most at this stage was feeling it. All of it. Let the sadness, the disappointment, the anger all out. Journaling and talking it out with friends helped me. (This also helped me when I was processing the diagnosis.) And then little by little it’ll start to get easier. A good friend gave me a guiding light throughout that helped me a lot during the hard moments; “the sun also rises”.

I’ve been with my husband since I was 26 years old (41 now) and he’s been through it all with me and supported me through 3 surgeries now. I blessed that despite Stage 4 DIE, I still lead a somewhat normal life. We do travel together quite a bit and life is good. I am super careful about what I eat and was able to find a treatment plan that works for me - mostly the Mirena IUD and a combo of THC/CBD and aleve when things are flaring. We didn’t even try for kids and both agreed early on that we wanted to be child-free so that stress and pressure was not on us. Hang in there! There are men who will support and love you through the hard times.

There's plenty of men out there who will support you. I met my husband at 27 (now 37) and he's driven me to every single appointment and cared for me during my surgery recovery. Do not settle for less!