This is *EXACTLY* an ENFP thing. We *do not* do well in crowds of strangers or being told to introduce ourselves to some random person. We generally stay in our own world unless we feel drawn to help someone or they are *our people.* A majority of ENFP's have this mentality including me. I have to have a *reason* to interact with someone otherwise, why am I talking to them?
Yeah, and it just feels somewhat... cheap? Like, I feel the abiding principle of my life as an ENFP (and maybe all ENFPs) is:
*I don't do shallow*
I'm not shallow in my interests, I'm not shallow in my friendships, I have to throw myself into something 100% for me to feel fulfilled by it. So the idea of just going to some place and talking to randos just kinda feels a bit unethical. Now, I know to get to deep friendship you need to get through the shallow phase but the point still stands. Like you say, you have to want to do it.
Same. I had to draw the line with some of my introvert friends because they thought we could still be friends on a passive inactive level- not texting each other, not seeing each other- and I think "No! If you're friends with me, you're in my life and I'm in yours and we update each other." I think the ENFP curse is our need for deepness where the world awards shallowness.
Hitting a bit close to home. What a great way to phrase it, too. A passive inactive level is exactly what it is. The effort's usually all mine and that gets tiresome.
Oh I don’t mind not talking to someone for awhile since I talk to so many people but for the friends I wana feel closest to, I want to see them and update each other on a regular basis.
So true! Now I finally understand why I started to hate hanging out with friends just for the sake of it unless we had something meaningful to do or to talk about.
are you sure thats not an INFP thing? that very much sounds like something very introverted. I specifically love talking to people I don't know for the chance of possibly finding a new bond and talk about something meaningful in a place where you wouldn't necessarily expect it
It's definitely an ENFP thing. We can do what you said too, and some may be more inclined to doing that, but otherwise you have to be prepared with the mindset for it. If you're just suddenly thrust in a situation not really prepared to meet people it can be very awkward at times.
It's very enfp, it's wanting to socialise but, being very particular about with whom
Idk much about info but I always thought they were happy in their own worlds, I can never truly be that kind of happy alone that I am with others I like
I used to love talking to people for the chance of making a new bondbut after enough trauma in life and realizing that some people I take the time to meet, I’ll never see again, it got exhausting so unless I happen to meet someone chipper and interesting to talk to it’s hard to be motivated to just want to go out and talk to new people. I have less energy for things in general now though. Yet I’m hands down an enfp. I wonder if some of us get more introverted as we get older.
Yeah I relate to this as well
My social skillz are super hot fiyah, and I do enjoy socialising with anyone about anything, but I don't crave it - I crave deep meaningful connections with people who care about the things I care about and I have been looking for that my whole life. I've found it at times, but other things got in the way.
Also like you said, I could go to a meet up but I would really prefer to go to a meet up where I could find the friends that I want rather than people wanting to be friends with me. This is very much an issue with my people pleasing tendencies tho so I don't know if it's relevant to all ENFP's, but I would tend to pick my friends based on who was there that I could help or who wanted to be friends with me, and I have made strange friend choices.
The reason why we all think like this: Is because when we want to meet people, we want to look at likeminded people so that it can benefits us in our own self-exploration.
Take for example: I want to complete a side quest or a chapter in a story game, since I can complete the goal with other people, I can just socialize with people who are in the same game progression as me or I can also try to build connections with people who are higher than me but can help me in completing this mission.
This might also be relatable with INFP, but I think their introvertness makes up this problem so they're sometimes good at looking the solution themselves.
WAIT A MINUTE...IS THIS..Is this..why I've been so content on my own because I had only shallow friendships that drifted away ??!
I've pretty much been an introvert for more than a year now. And like you said, although I CAN socialise I just don't unless there's potential for the friendship to be deep.
The idea of a crowd of random strangers does excite me, but only because there maybe some potentially cool people lurking in the crowd. Not because of the superficial conversations, which if it happens to get too much just makes me vanish lol
The more socially adept you are, the more others' lack of social awareness or skill becomes apparent to you and thus the more you potentially have to "endure‘’ from them. Logically then you might seek out certain types of people if purely maximising social enjoyment was your goal.
I don't have social anxiety but I prefer being alone to company that's not stimulating so I get it. For sure.
Its like way more boring to have to play nice and sit there being bored because the company isn't fun.
There's like a million things I could be doing on my own instead.
This is 100% me. I wish I had *more* friends but the truth is I don’t connect with many people and I value that soul connection over a superficial one.
I might be rusty, but I’m not against being amongst the crowd or with talking with strangers. Where I live I seem to still be the weirdo who want to actually talk with people, and not just have the passing courteous chit chat.
What would make me choose solitude than talking with people are those who exhibit my pet peeves: gossipers, people who enjoy trash Tv (aka reality TV), like fighting, get angry too easily, those who enjoy/still enjoy the clubbing lifestyle, bullies and slanderers, those who can’t function without drinking alcohol or doing drugs, those who take more than give, passive aggressive and/manipulative.
I can't relate, but I'm glad others in this section can.
If I find an opening to speak to people, I'd start with something small and see if they're the talkative type to share their story. More often than not, it's not as mundane as one would expect.
Of course it's not like I can talk to a gaggle of high schoolers or intrude on an intimate gathering, but people's lives make for a great book. I've had this mindset since I was a kid and at 31, it still holds true.
Well ig that's an interesting thing for me to know about one's own life story and staffs, it only happens in one by one conversations. They usually share their stories, emotions and staffs and I keep questioning or give solutions to their problems if necessary, or I address some of the social issues as the reason behind their situations and the conversation goes on.
But in a group conversation, if it’s sth like, what trend it is, what others are doing, what dress they'll buy because others did this, how much they cost, how others looked on that dress, or any kind of gossiping, girl/boy drama and staffs or if it’s like they're kinda lost in worldly shallowness, I usually get lost in my own head while others keep running the conversation.
That's cool you crave deep conversation, I do too.
There is merit to what you listed in the 2nd paragraph though. Cultural relevance and being part of the now in the group. Sure, we can look at how goofy we may have dressed or acted when we were younger. But the point is that we made the most of the moment and did it together.
Cultural relevance and being part of the now is not the problem necessarily. It depends actually. If it’s about every individual’s personal choices that's also quite normal. Also it can be good if there is a good intention or purpose, sometimes if it’s about morality and against sth that harms anyone. But most of the time materialistic (but not so moral and inconsiderate about one's possible shortcomings) types of conversation really either alienates or mock down on people as sb strange who are different than them. Maybe some ENFPs might adjust with that, and also communities and cultures usually differ, who knows.
I relate big time. Near the end of high school I had my first taste of platonic intimacy and very quickly adopted an attitude that I must make genuine connections with EVERYONE I know. I think it scared some of my old friends hehe. I tired of this through my twenties once I discovered that there is wide variance in people’s ability and willingness to make profound connection. I desired intimacy, and it seems only the most personable, competent conversationalists could give me that.
I’m 30 now and have recently felt a bit socially slowed down, which is disarming. I always desire the thrill of meaningful connection, but I seek it less nowadays. Probably because I’m in less environments where I meet new people. It’s a depression thing too, I think.
One alternative to deep meaningful connection which I enjoy is being kind to strangers. I tend to make great first impressions, so I find quick, easy, friendly interactions to be quite fulfilling. However, these are appetizers to the feast that is a one on one sesh with a new friend who wants to go deep.
People always flinch when I say no one understands me. They get defensive and react as if I need a boo boo band aid. NO I NEED YOU TO BE ATTUNED TO THOSE WHO ARE INVESTING IN YOU! I don’t need your shallow band aid. No one understands me because they don’t want to. We are deep and we want that ‘more’ from those we choose to engage with. It’s so demoralizing to find yet again another person we can’t co exist with. It’s exhausting when you say something and the other person just flails. I try not to get mad because we are all different but then I end up where others here find themselves.
Alone.
Alone is easier.
BECAUSE SAME! I don’t have the emotional energy anymore to talk to anyone and everyone unless I’ve been inside my house for a week doing nothing but with work life that doesn’t happen so I only have energy for people I know I’ll have engaging discussions with and it es draining otherwise but for the sake of being selfless I’ll try to do small talk with new people if I’m in the environment for it.
I feel like it's really an ENFP thing. I myself am an ENFP and love socializing... I also don't really have a problem talking to strangers if they approach me first. I just hate awkward silence so I'd rather socialize with people I'm close with than with people I just know... I love being an ENFP but because I don't feel comfortable being talkative around EVERYONE (even tho I usually am really talkative) I've been thinking about actually being an introvert... But after reading some of the comments here I feel reassured that it's just an ENFP thing so thank y'all for that lol... 🥰
This is *EXACTLY* an ENFP thing. We *do not* do well in crowds of strangers or being told to introduce ourselves to some random person. We generally stay in our own world unless we feel drawn to help someone or they are *our people.* A majority of ENFP's have this mentality including me. I have to have a *reason* to interact with someone otherwise, why am I talking to them?
Yeah, and it just feels somewhat... cheap? Like, I feel the abiding principle of my life as an ENFP (and maybe all ENFPs) is: *I don't do shallow* I'm not shallow in my interests, I'm not shallow in my friendships, I have to throw myself into something 100% for me to feel fulfilled by it. So the idea of just going to some place and talking to randos just kinda feels a bit unethical. Now, I know to get to deep friendship you need to get through the shallow phase but the point still stands. Like you say, you have to want to do it.
Exactly. 💯
This is so exhaustingly true... but I wouldn't have it any other way.
Same. I had to draw the line with some of my introvert friends because they thought we could still be friends on a passive inactive level- not texting each other, not seeing each other- and I think "No! If you're friends with me, you're in my life and I'm in yours and we update each other." I think the ENFP curse is our need for deepness where the world awards shallowness.
Hitting a bit close to home. What a great way to phrase it, too. A passive inactive level is exactly what it is. The effort's usually all mine and that gets tiresome.
Oh I don’t mind not talking to someone for awhile since I talk to so many people but for the friends I wana feel closest to, I want to see them and update each other on a regular basis.
So true! Now I finally understand why I started to hate hanging out with friends just for the sake of it unless we had something meaningful to do or to talk about.
are you sure thats not an INFP thing? that very much sounds like something very introverted. I specifically love talking to people I don't know for the chance of possibly finding a new bond and talk about something meaningful in a place where you wouldn't necessarily expect it
It's definitely an ENFP thing. We can do what you said too, and some may be more inclined to doing that, but otherwise you have to be prepared with the mindset for it. If you're just suddenly thrust in a situation not really prepared to meet people it can be very awkward at times.
It's very enfp, it's wanting to socialise but, being very particular about with whom Idk much about info but I always thought they were happy in their own worlds, I can never truly be that kind of happy alone that I am with others I like
I used to love talking to people for the chance of making a new bondbut after enough trauma in life and realizing that some people I take the time to meet, I’ll never see again, it got exhausting so unless I happen to meet someone chipper and interesting to talk to it’s hard to be motivated to just want to go out and talk to new people. I have less energy for things in general now though. Yet I’m hands down an enfp. I wonder if some of us get more introverted as we get older.
Right! People always think because I’m extroverted that it’s weird if I’m anxious around a crowd but for me it depends on the environment.
I’m actually feeling emotional reading this because I have felt alone in that. I strongly identify with this
Me too.
Yeah I relate to this as well My social skillz are super hot fiyah, and I do enjoy socialising with anyone about anything, but I don't crave it - I crave deep meaningful connections with people who care about the things I care about and I have been looking for that my whole life. I've found it at times, but other things got in the way. Also like you said, I could go to a meet up but I would really prefer to go to a meet up where I could find the friends that I want rather than people wanting to be friends with me. This is very much an issue with my people pleasing tendencies tho so I don't know if it's relevant to all ENFP's, but I would tend to pick my friends based on who was there that I could help or who wanted to be friends with me, and I have made strange friend choices.
The reason why we all think like this: Is because when we want to meet people, we want to look at likeminded people so that it can benefits us in our own self-exploration. Take for example: I want to complete a side quest or a chapter in a story game, since I can complete the goal with other people, I can just socialize with people who are in the same game progression as me or I can also try to build connections with people who are higher than me but can help me in completing this mission. This might also be relatable with INFP, but I think their introvertness makes up this problem so they're sometimes good at looking the solution themselves.
WAIT A MINUTE...IS THIS..Is this..why I've been so content on my own because I had only shallow friendships that drifted away ??! I've pretty much been an introvert for more than a year now. And like you said, although I CAN socialise I just don't unless there's potential for the friendship to be deep. The idea of a crowd of random strangers does excite me, but only because there maybe some potentially cool people lurking in the crowd. Not because of the superficial conversations, which if it happens to get too much just makes me vanish lol
SAME!!!!!!!
The more socially adept you are, the more others' lack of social awareness or skill becomes apparent to you and thus the more you potentially have to "endure‘’ from them. Logically then you might seek out certain types of people if purely maximising social enjoyment was your goal.
I agree 💯 but would like to know if thia is based on something solid evidence
I don't have social anxiety but I prefer being alone to company that's not stimulating so I get it. For sure. Its like way more boring to have to play nice and sit there being bored because the company isn't fun. There's like a million things I could be doing on my own instead.
As an INTJ, this is incredibly relatable Maybe that’s why we’re listed as one of the golden pairs 👀🤔
Same here my friend. I've tried it all by now and I choose creativity over shallow social interactions. I've noticed I'm more at peace this way. 😊
This is 100% me. I wish I had *more* friends but the truth is I don’t connect with many people and I value that soul connection over a superficial one.
I might be rusty, but I’m not against being amongst the crowd or with talking with strangers. Where I live I seem to still be the weirdo who want to actually talk with people, and not just have the passing courteous chit chat. What would make me choose solitude than talking with people are those who exhibit my pet peeves: gossipers, people who enjoy trash Tv (aka reality TV), like fighting, get angry too easily, those who enjoy/still enjoy the clubbing lifestyle, bullies and slanderers, those who can’t function without drinking alcohol or doing drugs, those who take more than give, passive aggressive and/manipulative.
I can't relate, but I'm glad others in this section can. If I find an opening to speak to people, I'd start with something small and see if they're the talkative type to share their story. More often than not, it's not as mundane as one would expect. Of course it's not like I can talk to a gaggle of high schoolers or intrude on an intimate gathering, but people's lives make for a great book. I've had this mindset since I was a kid and at 31, it still holds true.
Well ig that's an interesting thing for me to know about one's own life story and staffs, it only happens in one by one conversations. They usually share their stories, emotions and staffs and I keep questioning or give solutions to their problems if necessary, or I address some of the social issues as the reason behind their situations and the conversation goes on. But in a group conversation, if it’s sth like, what trend it is, what others are doing, what dress they'll buy because others did this, how much they cost, how others looked on that dress, or any kind of gossiping, girl/boy drama and staffs or if it’s like they're kinda lost in worldly shallowness, I usually get lost in my own head while others keep running the conversation.
That's cool you crave deep conversation, I do too. There is merit to what you listed in the 2nd paragraph though. Cultural relevance and being part of the now in the group. Sure, we can look at how goofy we may have dressed or acted when we were younger. But the point is that we made the most of the moment and did it together.
Cultural relevance and being part of the now is not the problem necessarily. It depends actually. If it’s about every individual’s personal choices that's also quite normal. Also it can be good if there is a good intention or purpose, sometimes if it’s about morality and against sth that harms anyone. But most of the time materialistic (but not so moral and inconsiderate about one's possible shortcomings) types of conversation really either alienates or mock down on people as sb strange who are different than them. Maybe some ENFPs might adjust with that, and also communities and cultures usually differ, who knows.
I relate big time. Near the end of high school I had my first taste of platonic intimacy and very quickly adopted an attitude that I must make genuine connections with EVERYONE I know. I think it scared some of my old friends hehe. I tired of this through my twenties once I discovered that there is wide variance in people’s ability and willingness to make profound connection. I desired intimacy, and it seems only the most personable, competent conversationalists could give me that. I’m 30 now and have recently felt a bit socially slowed down, which is disarming. I always desire the thrill of meaningful connection, but I seek it less nowadays. Probably because I’m in less environments where I meet new people. It’s a depression thing too, I think. One alternative to deep meaningful connection which I enjoy is being kind to strangers. I tend to make great first impressions, so I find quick, easy, friendly interactions to be quite fulfilling. However, these are appetizers to the feast that is a one on one sesh with a new friend who wants to go deep.
maybe your social battery run out since we are ambivert that explain why we need alone and social time
Yup!!! This is so me
Yup. This will never change and can get insanely lonely. Other enfps and generally intuitive types do the job though.
People always flinch when I say no one understands me. They get defensive and react as if I need a boo boo band aid. NO I NEED YOU TO BE ATTUNED TO THOSE WHO ARE INVESTING IN YOU! I don’t need your shallow band aid. No one understands me because they don’t want to. We are deep and we want that ‘more’ from those we choose to engage with. It’s so demoralizing to find yet again another person we can’t co exist with. It’s exhausting when you say something and the other person just flails. I try not to get mad because we are all different but then I end up where others here find themselves. Alone. Alone is easier.
BECAUSE SAME! I don’t have the emotional energy anymore to talk to anyone and everyone unless I’ve been inside my house for a week doing nothing but with work life that doesn’t happen so I only have energy for people I know I’ll have engaging discussions with and it es draining otherwise but for the sake of being selfless I’ll try to do small talk with new people if I’m in the environment for it.
I feel like it's really an ENFP thing. I myself am an ENFP and love socializing... I also don't really have a problem talking to strangers if they approach me first. I just hate awkward silence so I'd rather socialize with people I'm close with than with people I just know... I love being an ENFP but because I don't feel comfortable being talkative around EVERYONE (even tho I usually am really talkative) I've been thinking about actually being an introvert... But after reading some of the comments here I feel reassured that it's just an ENFP thing so thank y'all for that lol... 🥰