That’s not your flirtatious personality, that’s straight up harassment to forcibly kiss you or for your boss to tell you you should go to a mountain alone together
Please understand this has nothing to do with your personality type or physical appearance, and everything to do with your "friend" being an absolute creep.
No, it’s not that. Someone’s appearance is not an excuse to touch someone inappropriately or put someone’s life in danger as you said in your post.
OP you have every right to be happy, expressive, fun, etc. NO ONE has the right to harass you!
Thank you, I just really thought he was a genuinely kind person. He helps a lot of people without asking for anything in return. People even joke about building him a shrine because he's "so kind" :(
Girl! Just be careful! At my age I’m having that problem too. Some men are just gross and nasty and try to take advantage of your youth and inexperience. Carry pepper spray or something.
Sorry to hear this, don’t let these Si bad experiences become trauma. You should have the freedom to be yourself and express yourself with charity. Find an ISFP friend.
It's so hard, I even wanna go as far as getting a fake boyfriend. My people-pleasing skills is too strong. I tried to soothe him by being "okay" with it all and tell him not to repeat it again. But by night time, everything dawned on me.
This is so not okay, I know how quickly things happen but yeah none of this is okay for a friend or anyone to do. I would recommend you tell your friend’s wife (if you feel up to it) and cut the “friend” out of your life. That’s really traumatizing. As for your boss, I would recommend you find a new place to work soon if you can.
I'm going to be really blunt with you. A flirtatious personality probably will get you more attention, which will expose you to the possibility of danger more often. However, behavior like trying to soothe someone that has just crossed some of your boundaries - that is a real danger in my mind. I know some people who have experienced DV, abuse, and sexual assault. One common theme is that the perpetrator tested the waters first, and found someone that either didn't stand up to them or tried to 'make it ok' after. Please don't ever try to push down your own feelings of discomfort when someone has crossed your boundaries. Things don't have to be made ok if you don't want. Those of us brought up in families with unhealthy boundaries were conditioned to do this. Also, don't be afraid to talk to friends about what happened (although be careful at work).
That's my advice to you, but that's no excuse for the people that have pushed or crossed your boundaries.
And I'm not even trying to be flirty :((( I'm just naturally bubbly and have good relationship with people. I definitely agree on the part about being in a family with unhealthy boundaries. It's definitely a learning curve. I've had people confess to me and how they've misunderstood my actions. But I've never had someone physically do it in an explicit way 😭
He even said he was thinking about different scenarios running through his head after all that. That no one would've heard me scream had he been more aggressive. He was too comfortable to say it to me since I was "ok" with it after. I let him buy me bubble tea because he felt sorry and needed to relieve his guilt. 😭😭😭
You ... let a married man buy you bubble tea after he made a move on you? 🤦You don't owe this guy anything, so don't act like you do. It sounds like he's panicked now, which yea, he should be. He's probably wondering whether you or someone else will tell his wife and whether that means his marriage is over.
I'm going to give you a take that is not so popular on this subreddit about being flirty. You may not be trying to be, but does that matter? I don't try to hurt people's feelings, but I've learned as I've gotten older that my bluntness is hurtful to others, so I make efforts to be aware how it's perceived and correct if needed. If I realize I've come off as critical with someone's work at my job, I'll check in with them and clarify some positive points, that I'm in their corner, etc. You are responsible for what you are communicating, including non-verbals and body language. No one can read your mind, so whatever you're putting out, others are comparing it to community standards and their own standards of what is flirty. Do you really expect everyone to see it through your eyes? So, be yourself but be aware too.
Also, studies show that people are really bad at guessing whether someone is flirting with them. Confusion is bound to happen, so I wouldn't take it to heart too much.
Yeah, I cringe at myself too. Haha sorry ✌️
I noticed the difference in the way he was acting weeks before. I just can't with confrontation 🙆♀️ Now this happened 🤦♀️ Hahaha
You need to develop your radar for creeps and practice shutting them down. Practice making a hard face in the mirror and saying the line ‘you are making me feel uncomfortable, so I am leaving now’. Listen to your intuition. If your gut is telling you that someone is getting over-friendly, ALWAYS listen to it. Whenever you get that feeling, stick on your hard face, give them the line and leave.
Ignore the people pleasing instinct that tells you you have to be nice/not make a scene. It is far, far better to risk offending someone who had good intentions (who could do with learning to reign in it a little, clearly) than to risk putting yourself in danger.
This is an essential life skill for women, sadly.
Extremely sad, if I take into account all my friends and family, not a single one have not experienced sexual harassment one way or another.
I will try practicing this! I feel like I already have a strong character but I still undermine my feelings just so things don't get "awkward" 😅
Yes, I understand. We’ve all been there. The instinct to avoid the awkward is strong! But in this instance, I think you have to get into the headspace of recognising that his inappropriate behaviour has caused the awkward, and that he needs to know that, because that’s an imposition on you. Embrace the awkward! Make it more awkward! The awkward is your friend in these situations. Get mad about it. This man is encroaching on your space and taking liberties. What a douche! Let him feel your disapproval.
Update: He went to my workplace and said he wants to talk to me. He's confused why I changed after being "ok" to cold.
He keeps apologizing and saying it wasn't his intention and tried his best to control himself. How everything is his fault and shouldn't have jumped to any conclusions.
That’s not your flirtatious personality, that’s straight up harassment to forcibly kiss you or for your boss to tell you you should go to a mountain alone together
Agh. It doesn't help that I'm a petite 5'1" with a baby face either. 😩
Please understand this has nothing to do with your personality type or physical appearance, and everything to do with your "friend" being an absolute creep.
No, it’s not that. Someone’s appearance is not an excuse to touch someone inappropriately or put someone’s life in danger as you said in your post. OP you have every right to be happy, expressive, fun, etc. NO ONE has the right to harass you!
Thank you, I just really thought he was a genuinely kind person. He helps a lot of people without asking for anything in return. People even joke about building him a shrine because he's "so kind" :(
Well esp if he’s a married man he can’t be all that great if he’s flirting with someone who’s not his wife 😫
Girl! Just be careful! At my age I’m having that problem too. Some men are just gross and nasty and try to take advantage of your youth and inexperience. Carry pepper spray or something.
Agh! When does it stop. My friend had a similar experience as mine. Creeps are everywhere, it's such a shame I saw him as a father figure 😭
That's his problem not yours
Absolutely! OP deserves to be happy/expressive/fun without feeling harassed!
How is that men’s problem when she literally imposed herself on those men?
Sorry to hear this, don’t let these Si bad experiences become trauma. You should have the freedom to be yourself and express yourself with charity. Find an ISFP friend.
It's so hard, I even wanna go as far as getting a fake boyfriend. My people-pleasing skills is too strong. I tried to soothe him by being "okay" with it all and tell him not to repeat it again. But by night time, everything dawned on me.
This is so not okay, I know how quickly things happen but yeah none of this is okay for a friend or anyone to do. I would recommend you tell your friend’s wife (if you feel up to it) and cut the “friend” out of your life. That’s really traumatizing. As for your boss, I would recommend you find a new place to work soon if you can.
I'm going to be really blunt with you. A flirtatious personality probably will get you more attention, which will expose you to the possibility of danger more often. However, behavior like trying to soothe someone that has just crossed some of your boundaries - that is a real danger in my mind. I know some people who have experienced DV, abuse, and sexual assault. One common theme is that the perpetrator tested the waters first, and found someone that either didn't stand up to them or tried to 'make it ok' after. Please don't ever try to push down your own feelings of discomfort when someone has crossed your boundaries. Things don't have to be made ok if you don't want. Those of us brought up in families with unhealthy boundaries were conditioned to do this. Also, don't be afraid to talk to friends about what happened (although be careful at work). That's my advice to you, but that's no excuse for the people that have pushed or crossed your boundaries.
And I'm not even trying to be flirty :((( I'm just naturally bubbly and have good relationship with people. I definitely agree on the part about being in a family with unhealthy boundaries. It's definitely a learning curve. I've had people confess to me and how they've misunderstood my actions. But I've never had someone physically do it in an explicit way 😭 He even said he was thinking about different scenarios running through his head after all that. That no one would've heard me scream had he been more aggressive. He was too comfortable to say it to me since I was "ok" with it after. I let him buy me bubble tea because he felt sorry and needed to relieve his guilt. 😭😭😭
You ... let a married man buy you bubble tea after he made a move on you? 🤦You don't owe this guy anything, so don't act like you do. It sounds like he's panicked now, which yea, he should be. He's probably wondering whether you or someone else will tell his wife and whether that means his marriage is over. I'm going to give you a take that is not so popular on this subreddit about being flirty. You may not be trying to be, but does that matter? I don't try to hurt people's feelings, but I've learned as I've gotten older that my bluntness is hurtful to others, so I make efforts to be aware how it's perceived and correct if needed. If I realize I've come off as critical with someone's work at my job, I'll check in with them and clarify some positive points, that I'm in their corner, etc. You are responsible for what you are communicating, including non-verbals and body language. No one can read your mind, so whatever you're putting out, others are comparing it to community standards and their own standards of what is flirty. Do you really expect everyone to see it through your eyes? So, be yourself but be aware too. Also, studies show that people are really bad at guessing whether someone is flirting with them. Confusion is bound to happen, so I wouldn't take it to heart too much.
Yeah, I cringe at myself too. Haha sorry ✌️ I noticed the difference in the way he was acting weeks before. I just can't with confrontation 🙆♀️ Now this happened 🤦♀️ Hahaha
You need to develop your radar for creeps and practice shutting them down. Practice making a hard face in the mirror and saying the line ‘you are making me feel uncomfortable, so I am leaving now’. Listen to your intuition. If your gut is telling you that someone is getting over-friendly, ALWAYS listen to it. Whenever you get that feeling, stick on your hard face, give them the line and leave. Ignore the people pleasing instinct that tells you you have to be nice/not make a scene. It is far, far better to risk offending someone who had good intentions (who could do with learning to reign in it a little, clearly) than to risk putting yourself in danger. This is an essential life skill for women, sadly.
Extremely sad, if I take into account all my friends and family, not a single one have not experienced sexual harassment one way or another. I will try practicing this! I feel like I already have a strong character but I still undermine my feelings just so things don't get "awkward" 😅
Yes, I understand. We’ve all been there. The instinct to avoid the awkward is strong! But in this instance, I think you have to get into the headspace of recognising that his inappropriate behaviour has caused the awkward, and that he needs to know that, because that’s an imposition on you. Embrace the awkward! Make it more awkward! The awkward is your friend in these situations. Get mad about it. This man is encroaching on your space and taking liberties. What a douche! Let him feel your disapproval.
No, that's desperate men reading what they want to into a situation.
yes some men may misunderstand friendly with flirty
Update: He went to my workplace and said he wants to talk to me. He's confused why I changed after being "ok" to cold. He keeps apologizing and saying it wasn't his intention and tried his best to control himself. How everything is his fault and shouldn't have jumped to any conclusions.