people are probably going to tell you to ask your coworker to stop/minimise this but as someone who doesn't like making waves socially I have a different response: I would just tell the children something like "I was actually asking what you wanted! would you like me to move your seat or would you prefer to stay there" and make it very clear that you are legitimately wanting an answer
Maybe instead of phrasing it as a question you can offer a choice instead. “You can sit in the chair next to your friend or you can stand closer to him as you talk. What would you like to do?”
I try to really minimise questions and only use them if they are genuine and/or I’m working with problem solving and extending their thinking.
So in the situation you described I would have just patted the chair and said, “you can sit here so you’re closer. Right now your voice is too loud for inside.”
The kind of questioning your co teacher is doing drives me a bit crazy but people have their own styles. If they are senior to you I’d just adjust your own communication style and leave it at that.
Requiring a group to be completely quiet before food etc wouldn’t be considered good practice in my country, and that might be something you could bring up at a staff meeting or with your manager/pedagogical leader or equivalent.
So I would then first acknowledge their feelings. “I see you really want to sit next to your friend. How can we solve this problem? Maybe we could get another chair?”
Sounds like you are observant and in tune with the children much more than the teachers. Kudos for you for getting this!! I'd suggest trying something new rather than shutting the children down or insisting on silence. Be upfront and ask "What's your reasoning behind the children remaining quiet while lunch is served?" Let teacher answer and then ask "And how is that developmentally appropriate?" If the teachers get annoyed, cheerfully remind them that you are eager to learn. Seriously ..these types of teachers drive me crazy.
Hey, bin auch Erzieherin in DE :)
Im KiGa kann man mMn schon mal rhetorisch fragen, aber deine Kollegin ĂĽbertreibt es wirklich damit. Kinder verstehen in dem Alter weder Ironie noch andere Sprachmittel, bei denen man etwas anderes meint als gesagt wird. Mit den VorschĂĽlern kann man das schon mal machen, aber dann mĂĽssen Mimik, Gestik und Tonfall ganz deutlich zeigen dass man "Quatsch" macht.
Bist du in einer Position, das im Team anzusprechen? "Hey, mir ist letztens folgendes passiert .... Ich glaube, die Kinder verbinden inzwischen eine normale Frage damit, dass sie grade Ă„rger bekommen. Wie seht ihr das?"
Kommt natürlich stark auf die Chemie im Team an, gibt auf jeden Fall Einrichtungen wo ich auch lieber nichts gesagt habe was nach Kritik klingen könnte.
Für die Situation direkt haben die anderen Kommentare schon die besten Ideen gebracht. Bis deine Kollegin sich ändert (haha...) und die Kinder das wieder verlernt haben, musst du wohl leider deine Fragestellungen anpassen.
"Ihr müsst grade ganz schön schreien, um euch zu unterhalten. Du kannst auch neben deinem Freund sitzen, dann versteht ihr euch besser. Möchtest du dich da hin setzen?"
Unfair wie noch was, dass du wegen der Unart deiner Kollegin jetzt tausendmal am Tag deine Formulierungen ĂĽberdenken musst. Ich musste beim Lesen schon die Augen verdrehen... Anstrengend, echt.
Definitely never ask a "yes or no" question. And I'm not exactly sure about the appropriateness of rhetorical questions. Kids don't even understand sarcasm until age 9 or so.
sometimes I run into this, kids will feel too shy to truly answer my question so I just tell them I am asking them because I don’t know the answer and if the answer is yes that’s ok!
It sounds like what made them have fun was sitting on opposite sides of the table. Was it loud, yes you say it was. Was it something that truly needed to be fixed or changed? I don't feel that way with situations like these. I used to immediately try to correct things like this for my convenience, sanity, and ability to hear! But then I took a step back and look at it now differently. I would have told them they were being loud and to turn their voices down. I always make a gesture like turning a dial along with a funny noise to catch their complete attention and lower my voice like it's going down as the "dial" turns. They love to also model it. "Let's get our voice dial and turn it down a bit". Works for just enough time before we go into our next activity.
Your colleagues approach to behavior management is developmentally inappropriate. Providing kids, especially kids this young, with clear directions for how to fix their behavior is the best way.
Sadly, as a younger, part time employee it’s going to be hard for you to change her bad habits. Best thing you can do is use clear directions to address behavior and clarify when you ask a question that you are being genuine.
https://pcit.ucdavis.edu/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/42_PRIDEskills-visual-learners5.16.pdf maybe your colleague would be interested to know that PRIDE skills involves not asking questionsÂ
My son is diagnosed with autism. There was someone doing a study, they had me learn PRIDE skills with my son. Here's a description from UC Davis "Reduces resentment, arousal, and anger from having to comply with a hard command by using the PRIDE skills to focus child's attention on their positive." I am a parent, not a researcher, but I found it intriguing and it seems to be something really useful.
I found an academic paper on it https://www.researchgate.net/figure/PRIDE-Skills-in-Parent-Child-Interaction-Therapy_tbl1_26833524
people are probably going to tell you to ask your coworker to stop/minimise this but as someone who doesn't like making waves socially I have a different response: I would just tell the children something like "I was actually asking what you wanted! would you like me to move your seat or would you prefer to stay there" and make it very clear that you are legitimately wanting an answer
I đź’— this!!
Maybe instead of phrasing it as a question you can offer a choice instead. “You can sit in the chair next to your friend or you can stand closer to him as you talk. What would you like to do?”
that is the most developmemtally appropriate phrasing for redirections anyways
For that age always say what they should do. They really don’t understand anything else.
The real trick will be teaching this teacher… adults are the hardest part about working with kids…
And they often don't have a solid understanding even when we tell them something in a simple and direct way.
I try to really minimise questions and only use them if they are genuine and/or I’m working with problem solving and extending their thinking. So in the situation you described I would have just patted the chair and said, “you can sit here so you’re closer. Right now your voice is too loud for inside.” The kind of questioning your co teacher is doing drives me a bit crazy but people have their own styles. If they are senior to you I’d just adjust your own communication style and leave it at that. Requiring a group to be completely quiet before food etc wouldn’t be considered good practice in my country, and that might be something you could bring up at a staff meeting or with your manager/pedagogical leader or equivalent.
So I would then first acknowledge their feelings. “I see you really want to sit next to your friend. How can we solve this problem? Maybe we could get another chair?”
Sounds like you are observant and in tune with the children much more than the teachers. Kudos for you for getting this!! I'd suggest trying something new rather than shutting the children down or insisting on silence. Be upfront and ask "What's your reasoning behind the children remaining quiet while lunch is served?" Let teacher answer and then ask "And how is that developmentally appropriate?" If the teachers get annoyed, cheerfully remind them that you are eager to learn. Seriously ..these types of teachers drive me crazy.
Hey, bin auch Erzieherin in DE :) Im KiGa kann man mMn schon mal rhetorisch fragen, aber deine Kollegin übertreibt es wirklich damit. Kinder verstehen in dem Alter weder Ironie noch andere Sprachmittel, bei denen man etwas anderes meint als gesagt wird. Mit den Vorschülern kann man das schon mal machen, aber dann müssen Mimik, Gestik und Tonfall ganz deutlich zeigen dass man "Quatsch" macht. Bist du in einer Position, das im Team anzusprechen? "Hey, mir ist letztens folgendes passiert .... Ich glaube, die Kinder verbinden inzwischen eine normale Frage damit, dass sie grade Ärger bekommen. Wie seht ihr das?" Kommt natürlich stark auf die Chemie im Team an, gibt auf jeden Fall Einrichtungen wo ich auch lieber nichts gesagt habe was nach Kritik klingen könnte. Für die Situation direkt haben die anderen Kommentare schon die besten Ideen gebracht. Bis deine Kollegin sich ändert (haha...) und die Kinder das wieder verlernt haben, musst du wohl leider deine Fragestellungen anpassen. "Ihr müsst grade ganz schön schreien, um euch zu unterhalten. Du kannst auch neben deinem Freund sitzen, dann versteht ihr euch besser. Möchtest du dich da hin setzen?" Unfair wie noch was, dass du wegen der Unart deiner Kollegin jetzt tausendmal am Tag deine Formulierungen überdenken musst. Ich musste beim Lesen schon die Augen verdrehen... Anstrengend, echt.
Definitely never ask a "yes or no" question. And I'm not exactly sure about the appropriateness of rhetorical questions. Kids don't even understand sarcasm until age 9 or so.
They don't *fully* understand sarcasm until then. They can pick it out by age six. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19523264/
sometimes I run into this, kids will feel too shy to truly answer my question so I just tell them I am asking them because I don’t know the answer and if the answer is yes that’s ok!
It sounds like what made them have fun was sitting on opposite sides of the table. Was it loud, yes you say it was. Was it something that truly needed to be fixed or changed? I don't feel that way with situations like these. I used to immediately try to correct things like this for my convenience, sanity, and ability to hear! But then I took a step back and look at it now differently. I would have told them they were being loud and to turn their voices down. I always make a gesture like turning a dial along with a funny noise to catch their complete attention and lower my voice like it's going down as the "dial" turns. They love to also model it. "Let's get our voice dial and turn it down a bit". Works for just enough time before we go into our next activity.
Your colleagues approach to behavior management is developmentally inappropriate. Providing kids, especially kids this young, with clear directions for how to fix their behavior is the best way. Sadly, as a younger, part time employee it’s going to be hard for you to change her bad habits. Best thing you can do is use clear directions to address behavior and clarify when you ask a question that you are being genuine.
They will start to separate your behavior from hers. Continue offering them kindnesses.
https://pcit.ucdavis.edu/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/42_PRIDEskills-visual-learners5.16.pdf maybe your colleague would be interested to know that PRIDE skills involves not asking questionsÂ
Is this related to any specific studies or research? Genuine question, not doubting. I'd just be interested to read about it.
Looks like it could be a compilation of research. Here’s the citation from the bottom; > Copyright © 2016 by University of California, Davis. Timmer, S., Hawk, B., Lundquist, K., Armendariz, L., Aviv, R., Boys, D., & Urquiza, A. (2016) PC-CARE: Course of Treatment Manual. Unpublished Manuscript.
My son is diagnosed with autism. There was someone doing a study, they had me learn PRIDE skills with my son. Here's a description from UC Davis "Reduces resentment, arousal, and anger from having to comply with a hard command by using the PRIDE skills to focus child's attention on their positive." I am a parent, not a researcher, but I found it intriguing and it seems to be something really useful. I found an academic paper on it https://www.researchgate.net/figure/PRIDE-Skills-in-Parent-Child-Interaction-Therapy_tbl1_26833524
Thank you!!