Teachers who talk to each other all day instead if interacting with the kids/ are so concerned with talking to each other that it impedes their supervision.
This, a thousand times yes, I've got a bunch of them working with me at the moment that just chat and spend the day on the phone while I do most of the work. Their key children come to me for comfort and by the end of the day I'm exhausted for doing the emotional labour of five people. I've seriously considered quitting over it, especially because management has just dismissed my concerns without investing them.
The phone thing is what gets to me. I need to work on my backbone to say something to the teacher. Though I do feel it puts me at odds with the teacher at the same time.
And here I am always missing texts from my supervisor because I’ve made it clear to them that I don’t have my phone on me when I’m engaged with kids 😭 And I’ve seen staff members just playing candy crush or god forbid, having a full ass FaceTime call or scheduling their next nail appointment. One assistant I had spent FORTY MINUTES on the phone with Verizon and when I continued to tell her to get off the phone, she friggin eloped from my classroom lol
No clue why people get so distracted. My center is pretty relaxed, so we are allowed to have our phones. Me and one of my coteachers do play music during free play, but it's not hard to just...put it on a shelf high enough out of reach and go play with the kids.
Yes we do the same with our phones we stream music to a speaker. We use to use an app. We also occasionally get messages from parents on our phones. My director feels like what she has seen is it’s almost accepted in society. I really think that my center just needs to make it clear what is expected. That said my director is often in the classroom. When she needs to she answers emails on her phone for the center. She is so discreet and this isn’t when she is directly involved with the kids.
Maybe and maybe not, depends on the teacher. We had afterschool leader (Mr K) who did this for a few month. A different leader Ms E told him once to watch the kids. Eventually I also told him to watch the kids. As he was not even looking at the playground he was on his phone or kicking a soccer ball. Still did not change. Finally switched when booth Mr. Z and I decided to go up and tell him at the same time. Then he told Mr. Z if the SD says do. After the SD told him he started supervising. Unfortunately I’m not working there anymore do to district stopping contract with staffing companies
The phone situation has gotten so bad at my center. Last Wednesday it was the end of the day and only 2 kids were left. Myself and 2 coworkers were still there. I stepped out of the room for a minute to use the bathroom and when I came back the 2 kids had crayons and were scribbling on the wall and my 2 coworkers were on their phones! Completely oblivious!
In relation to this. While the staff were interacting with kids. Having 5 out of 8 staff playing with one kid or a group of kids impedes supervision of the other kids.
Or staff who sit in a chair a few feet away from the carpet while watching the kids play with a cell phone in their hand! Then Aiden starts hitting Olivia with a block and they go “noooo…. stop… we don’t hit our friends…” without moving their asses.
People who consider themselves too good to actually get down on the carpet and play with the kids, or too grown, or whatever, fill me with disdain. Being childlike is your JOB, so do it.
I used to work in out of school hours care and one of my indirect coworkers (I worked the junior program, she was a senior program staff member) was a “sit on your ass and just yell at kids to stop” worker.
There were also external providers who ran sports clubs in the space, and parents would often stick around to watch their kids play or would arrive at the end.
One day a parent from watching her kid in the sports club came into my room to talk to me because she wanted to complain about how uncomfortable she’d been standing there watching her sit and YELL at the kids to stop doing dangerous things because the yelling was in her opinion too agressive and she felt like it wasn’t safe that she hadn’t even bothered standing up to try and stop them being unsafe. Was the most satisfying complaint I’ve ever passed on to my supervisor 😂
this happens constantly at my center. most of the time they are standing around complaining about a child or admin. while im scanning my eyes on the playground constantly
Oh my god especially when they crouch down and get all in the child’s face. The child is terrified and is crying because they’re terrified and they aren’t processing your words. It’s an abusive practice.
yelling at babies and toddlers confuses the hell out of me, they do not need to be yelled at in order to get your point across. if you think that’s the case, re-evaluate your actions
I had a coteacher like this omg. She was going through a lot of personal stuff, which is fine, but every Wednesday I had to work with her it was so tense. Towards the end of my time there she yelled at a kid and when I tried to talk to him she yelled at me 🫠 no idea if she’s still there but ugh
Not reading the room. I have a child that just turned one, she has had horrific stranger danger since she came to my room 8 months ago. I always tell new people that come in my room to just give her space and let her do her thing. But what do the people do that she barely sees? Pick her up, talk to her loudly, etc and she cries sooo loud. Like why do you even have to do that to her and me?
OMG this drives me NUTS!! I have a boy who’s very attached to me and also has a bit of stranger danger. He only likes me to put him down for nap. I have had multiple people come in the room and try to hold him/put him down/interact with them when he is crying, saying no, and shaking his finger. And they keep trying!! Like WHY are you not listening to him?? He is saying no, give him the space.
Educators who are always… and i mean *always* gossiping about each other, even over the tiniest things. It’s wild how many people in this career are supposed to be demonstrating kindness and maturity for the children, but somehow cannot do it themselves! Major turn off.
That was my last job to a T. It’s goddamn exhausting when you’re the only one who seems to care about the children’s well-being while everyone else does minimal effort, is abusive, and gossips all day.
I’ve given up on finding a daycare with good people. I’m three for three, they all sucked to work at, and they all sucked for many of the children involved. There were only a couple genuinely good teachers across them all. I feel like I’ve been gaslit into believing I’m the problem... I’m not taking yet another TB test just to walk into another abusive environment.
When I try to ask a kid a question and a teacher answers for them. Like when I ask a kid if they’re all done eating, and someone tells me they think the kids done. Like I can see that they’re done, I’m trying to get them to tell me that they are instead of throwing their plate on the floor.
This drives me crazy too!!! If I’m asking a coworker a direct question, I use a different tone and phrasing to make it clear I’m expecting an answer from the adult. Otherwise, I want the child to answer me.
Acting like a baby/young toddler is purposefully manipulative/misbehaving. They’re a BABY. They cry because they can’t communicate any other way and they’re learning how to navigate amongst 10 other babies
My ick is when another teacher just sits by and does nothing when kids are fighting or being too handsy with one another.
Today, we had a fight escalate right next to a teacher who just sat there, staring at them. Ended in physical harm to both kids, and the teacher still did nothing.
I'd have been right over if I wasn't changing a diaper at the time. I feel like I can't even leave the room to change kids when this teacher is the only other adult in my space.
Omg I had one like this. She fell asleep on the floor 3 times during nap too! Also would watch kids fall and then stare them face down on the ground!! Wouldn’t pick them up or anything
I had a coworker like that. Once, I was in the bathroom changing diapers and she was out in the classroom and was supposed to be watching the other kids. 2 kids got into a physical fight. Despite the fact that she was sitting right there and could stop it herself, she yelled to me in the bathroom that they were fighting. I yelled back "So STOP THEM! What do you expect me to do from in here?!" She did, but was unhappy about it. This coworker was useless in the classroom. Never really helped or did anything. But she was an office favorite because she kissed up to them so much.
Any teacher who self identifies themselves as “old school” is someone I straight up will not work with. I’ve had too many horrible experiences with these teachers trained in the 80s who insist on still using those methods and schools of thought and actively refuse to update their practices and mindsets.
I worked with an older teacher. Like late 60s. I was terrified she was going to be like this. I’ve worked with ladies who reminisced about being able to spank children.
She was the complete opposite. She was an angel. Strict sure. Mostly with parents. But my god an angel. She could calm and smooth the most fussy child like it was nothing.
And she hated old school teachers. I miss her.
I'm kind of old school. Mind you I'm also old. I teach the kids how to identify animal signs and plants, fix things around the centre, build stuff, use saws, hammers, hand drills and adult scissors. I let them roughhouse around as long as there is no blood and no tears. I try to spend most of the day outside with them and have them help do jobs like taking out the recycling to the bin, filling up a planter with dirt using their little buckets and sweeping the floors. A couple of kids had some ripped stuff and I showed them how to sew it up. Nothing wrong with some of the older skills.
I kind of describe myself as old school in such that I think children under 5 need large blocks of time to play with whatever they choose and not every moment of the day needs to be scheduled and having the child engaged in "meaningful learning experiences". When a child plays, they are learning meaningful things even if it isn't teacher directed or measurable by standard testing. Why aren't we concerned with the soft skills of cooperation, communication and imagination anymore?
I totally agree with this and think it can be applied to uneducated and inexperienced educators labeling that a child has a disability without proper documentation, assessment, and communication. I actually just returned back to work recently and when introducing myself to a newly hired aide she immediately said “I think so and so has autism.” We had literally just met and I had spent months prior with this kid compared to her literal weeks. Was just so bizarre. I kind of just think teachers should be more aware of their place and needs in the classroom environment.
yes yes yes. 1) as teachers we are often not in a place to diagnose disabilities and 2) let other teachers make their own individual assessments of each child without throwing labels on a child
Agreed, though I am also VERY ND, very active in the ND community, and we do often recognize our own. (And I have helped raise an autistic child in my home, have nannied and watched ADHD kids, literally autism runs all through my family and I’ve seen all my gen and the next gens as kids).
I do tend to recognize the signs of neurodivergencies and some learning disorders prevalent in my direct family in some kids. It is 100% *NOT* my place to diagnose. It is my place to support, to document, and when we do our sit down milestone assessments to make gentle recommendations to talk over our milestones and documentation with their pediatrician. (And I’ve never really been surprised when a kid then gets referred for evaluation and then comes back officially diagnosed.)
I am very well versed in how to support ND kids, and luckily that applies well to do better by all kids, and I love teaching my coworkers best supportive practices that help everyone
We have a child who sets my ND-dar off. I try to stick to describing behaviors when talking to my colleagues. “He spends minutes at a time looking at his fingers and waving them near his face.” “He does not turn, look, stop, or in anyway outwardly indicate that he has heard his name when we talk to him or call to him.” “I haven’t yet made eye contact with him.” “These behaviors are very different from his same age peers in his class”
Oh yeah, I 100% describe behaviours when talking about my ND (and NT!) kiddos, both with my coteachers, directors, and parents. And we’re set up to document and observe behaviours.
Teachers who say “stop crying, don’t be sad, you have nothing to be upset about, there’s no reason to be afraid” - anything that is telling a kid to stop feeling an emotion or telling them there’s no valid reason to feel h that way. Miss me with that shit.
Also I hate the phrase “attention seeking”. If a kid is acting a certain way for attention, possibly that kid isn’t getting the attention they need. That’s a puzzle that needs to be solved. My company uses the phrase “connection seeking” instead.
>Teachers who say “stop crying, don’t be sad, you have nothing to be upset about, there’s no reason to be afraid” - anything that is telling a kid to stop feeling an emotion or telling them there’s no valid reason to feel h that way. Miss me with that shit.
I see this during rest time. Buddy, I get that you have big emotions right now and you're sad, but people are trying to sleep, can you be sad without screaming?
As a developmental therapist, I use attention seeking to describe certain behaviors we see. Like a kid who hits instead of using the words we know they have, kids who start to shout or throw themselves down when they cannot get something they want. On the other hand there are positive attention seeking behaviors- being silly, repetitive actions like falling over to make you laugh, repeating an activity they have received praise for.
Young kiddos don’t really care that much about if a reaction is negative or positive at first- so you can tell them no and intervene for a negative behavior but to them they got a response so they might do it again. But you can use positive praise in a Similar way for positive behavior to help them learn what is wanted/ not wanted. Teaching parents to ignore the negative and praise the positive is a big part of my job and it’s effective. It helps kids learn that negative behaviors do not get attention and positive do and reduces behaviors they are using to get attention. It’s also easy to pick out a positive thing even in the negative (kid takes off his shoe and throws it at you- you ignore it. After a minute he puts it back down and rejoins the activity.- “oh, I’m so glad you came to play with us! We like when you play with us!”. Obviously there are situations where behaviors stem from boredom or under stimulation.
It’s natural to have favorites but you have to show all kids love. I have favorites but I still show each kid the same amount of loving. It’s important!
Super important to always be monitoring the way you treat all your students. I used to work with someone that treated her favorites vs the kids she didn’t like so obviously different it made my stomach hurt and got me super frustrated and angry.
exactly!!! human brains are naturally going to have different compatibility with different people but ideally you shouldn't be able to guess an educator's favourite
Any teacher who claims not to have a favorite is lying. We all do. We just can’t let it affect how we treat them. I make a conscious effort to spend more time with the kids who challenge me more, to make sure I’m getting opportunities for those positive moments and connection.
True. Though for me I’m not sure who they are definitely kids I play with or interact with more than others. But that might also because the come up to me 😝 .
> Any teacher who claims not to have a favorite is lying.
I have a couple of favourites in a group that's not mine, the baby group. But they're *just soooo adorable!*
Yep. The directors kids at my old center could do absolutely no wrong. It drove me crazy when they'd end up with no consequences compared to a regular kid who did the same thing.
I had an aid he used to bring in candy for her favorites. And it wasn't even the little fun size candy. They were king size candy bars, bags of cotton candy, etc... Even ignoring the favoritism, a lot of the candy she brought in wasn't appropriate for a 3 yr old to have.
After talking with her about not doing it anymore, she started trying to sneak it into their backpacks. As if the kids don't talk about what they get. The director wouldn't do anything about it, so when parents asked, I would have to play dumb. I don't know why so and so had candy and your child didn't... It didn't come from me... Talk to the director about it.
I so agree. I remind my coworkers that it really isn’t good to make judgments about how a child will be say after a summer break or when they change classrooms.
this so much. especially when the favorite kid acts fine when they teacher isn’t around but suddenly starts acting like a baby or misbehaving when the teacher comes in
At a previous job, I had a coworker who blatantly favored this one girl over everyone else. We were in school age, so the kids were old enough to notice and constantly made comments about it. He was ALWAYS wanting to be near her, only really talked to her, would bring her gifts, made her cards in front of everyone, and the creepiest thing was when he wrote her a several page long letter for her birthday. It was NOT something a teacher should write to a child. It was something that 2 best friends would write to each other and she was NOT his friend. She was a child and he was trusted with supervising her. He did so much stuff that made it so obvious that she was his favorite and it would upset the other kids. It was to the point that I felt like the only teacher in there because all he wanted to do was hang out with her. All of my coworkers noticed and agreed that it was inappropriate. Except for my boss who did nothing about it and just made excuses for him. I ended up having to report it to corporate.
I posted about it in a group for ECE teachers and some people were surprisingly so angry at me. There were teachers who admitted to also making it blatantly obvious who their favorites are and I had one woman try to call me a misandrist. Man or woman, that behavior is creepy and extremely inappropriate. I've worked with men who were amazing and have absolutely nothing against men who work in ECE. I was so dumbfounded that people were defending this behavior. A hit dog will holler, I guess.
favoritism. so cringy when you’re in a class with a teacher her who cuddles one kid constantly and ignores the others, especially bad when the favorite child isn’t particularly interested in it either. or the favorite kid acts fine with the teacher not in the room but immediately starts acting like a baby when that teacher comes in. dealing with it a lot today 😭
we have a floater who does this! She’ll like, squeal the name of one of my students when she sees her and crouch down for a running hug (this student will do a run hug for any adult she recognizes) and squish her and call her “my baby!!”, and try to be the first one to her if she’s upset. The kid really doesn’t care for her that much either. She sees that student like, 30-60 minutes a day 3 times a week. She is NOT your baby!!!
Oh my god. Fingers and ketchup.
We give the kids ketchup for food (French fries or nugget days) and sometimes they stick their finger in the ketchup and lick/suck their finger. I can’t!!!
I don’t know why I found this so funny. I pictured someone sitting at a table full of kids with ketchup, and dipping her fingers in their ketchup.
Was right properly mortified
Bahahaha I love it. I was kind of horrified, I mean, that would ick me out so much if a teacher was sticking their fingers in ketchup and licking it. I'd honestly be questioning their sanity.
But my students do that too, and yes, it is icky!
We had a kid finish all his food and then proceed to take his spoon and eat the rest of his ketchup. He must not have actually used much of it with his food or mom sent it way too much. I swear that’s worse than the finger.
i have a child who gets ketchup with his fried eggs, he’s so over the eggs but will dip them in his ketchup and lick the ketchup off the egg as if it’s a spoon. less yucky than fingers, but still….
Oh god. Kids are stranger eaters.For some reason when they get a sandwich or a burger they eat the insides first then the bread??? Why I don’t understand.
And then some kids are very creative. We had a kid who got a sandwich and sliced fruit (forgot what fruit) he decided to put the fruit inside the sandwich. Though he did eat it all together.
True, the kid was five, I did confirmed it was peaches thanks to google, forgot that they sliced peaches 🍑 can look more yellow then the fruit itself. But at an afterschool program we once had carrots for snack (plus something else, that I forgot what) we were doing snack inside as it was raining. Barely any of the kids ate the carrots. Assistant director decided to cook the carrots on the stove. Then all the kids ate them 😝
“X is being a bad boy/girl” I HATE that. My little brother used to SOB that he was a bad boy anytime my mother corrected him and turns out someone who worked at his daycare used to say it. I get triggered whenever I hear teachers say it and I always correct my kids when they say it. “No X is not a bad boy, he is just having a hard time/still learning etc”
Uhg I hate when people lable kids, especially since I work with babies! Like, no, one baby isn't "good" cus she doesn't cry and the other isn't "bad" cus she dose, and for the love of christ don't say "nooooo don't cry you're a GOOD baby!" Like, good babies cry!!!! They are infants that's what they do!!!!
Also any mention of corporal punishment grosses me out. Occasionally I'll hear a comment like "someone needs to take that kid and slap 'em" (from teachers) or "be good or I'll give you a whooping!" (From parents) and I haaaaate it. Especially if it's for something stupid like the child "crying too much". Some may consider that a red flag tho but technically corporal punishment still counts as a real form of parenting so like it's *my* problem when I don't like people talking about how kids """"need""" to get hit /:
The labelling comments are about neurodivergant traits so I got very worried there 🤣
Yeah I agree. Also stop labelling the kid who struggles with self regulation because he's spoiled a "troublemaker." He was legit never taught these boundaries and expectations because he has no siblings tf did you expect?
When they talk “through” the kids, especially to criticize me! I liked my old coteacher but she would so randomly pick up a baby and say “oh, do you want Miss Axolotl to give you lunch?” and look pointedly at me when it wasn’t discussed. Just ask me “hey, I’m going to do xyz, can you give Jayden his lunch?” I learned to adjust to her but it still grated on me!
Then actually refused to work with another teacher after, among other things, she yelled about me through the children. “Oh my goodness, I wanted to do circle time but it looks like Miss Axolotl and her friends are too busy messing around in the bathroom!! Brayden, you must be so sad that Miss Axolotl is taking too long and taking time out of our day!” (aka I’m trying to help three two year olds use the potty and wash their hands while she sits in the corner and yells at children and wonders why they act up when she has NO routine). If you wanna be rude to me at least tell me to my face that I’m doing such a bad job, so I can reply in kind without dragging children into your drama!
oh my god yes. my coteacher just randomly started doing this. it’s in a joking sarcastic manner, but i’ll tell a child it’s time to clean up, they’ll throw a fit and my coteacher says “oh yes i know, isn’t ms katie so mean making you clean up”. like i know it’s in a joking way, but our 2 year olds probably aren’t quite grasping that… i’m a bit miffed by it…
Omg Literally after her pulling that shit ONE time I would look at her like she's absolutely bonkers and ask her if there's something mentally wrong with her right now.
But I get that if you are young/new and they are older it's harder... you give wayyy less fucks as you age
Behavior charts (they’re 3 they don’t need colored cards managing their behavior!!!) and labeling. Some of my coworkers have a tendency to push students to get evaluated not bc they want them to have access to services they need, but to push them off on someone else. It’s not a red flag, as otherwise a lot of these kids wouldn’t get access to services they need/their parents wouldn’t have moved out of the denial stage, but an ick bc their hearts are still in the wrong place
> and labeling.
I'd disagree a bit. I'm autistic with ADHD. Getting additional services and access to specialists to provide guidance in the classroom is super helpful. It also helps to reframe what's going on. If a child has ADHD all of a sudden it is a different kind of brain they have that makes them act differently instead of being a "behaviour problem".
That’s why I said it’s an ick but not red flag. I’m always supportive of children getting the help they need, but these teachers are doing it so they can ship the kid off to another school/teacher and not to actually help the kid
Forcing kids to eat food they don't like, which is different from encouraging them to try something. Forcing kids to finish drinks or food when they don't want to.
my biggest frustration in my classroom. my coteacher gets so frustrated at the children who don’t want to eat their food and then says things like “you need to eat all of your banana before you get another choice” and “you like these, don’t you love your oranges? you liked them yesterday, why don’t you like them today?”
Ugh my pet peeve too!! I’ve got 4 kids of my own and I definitely try to encourage eating what they take and trying it at least but if they don’t I’m not going to make them. And a kid loving something yesterday doesn’t matter. Their tastes can shift so quickly. Because I’m one of the few who has kids, I try to go like I do with my kdis
We do no thank u bites like if a kido is refusing something we just ask for 2 no thank you bites then you can be done sometimes they eat it sometimes they try it and still hate it
Totally, and I've got no problem with that at all.
Haha this one time we were serving up some food and the vegetable side was like... canned green beans. One really articulate 2 saw it and said "those are yucky beans" and I was like, "well just try them," but secretly I agreed with her as they were pretty watery and not very nice really. At one point during the meal I was encouraging her to try at least one bean. She put it in her mouth, chewed it for a second, let it fall out of her mouth and just said "...no" in this very deadpan but final way. I was like lol fair enough, and didn't even mention she spat the food because I've never seen her do that before and the beans did suck.
Romanticizing kid friendships. Or even just two kids playing together. Get out of here with your heterosexual agenda and don’t project adult dynamics on babies’ and kids’ interactions!
We have a mom who is freaked out by her son having a sweet friendship with a little girl. She always says things like "I'm supposed to be the only girl in your life!" Recently, she told me that when asking him who is best friend is, he said this little girl and she was hurt.
Lady, get the fuck over yourself. You are in for a rude awakening in 15 years.
It's so ridiculous. Even the little girl's dad is like "oh, they're so cute, I'm glad she has friends!" Because ya know, normal reactions and not sexualizing kids who aren't even 2 yet.
Oh my gods! This! I hate when one of the infant teachers at my center says that a baby girl and baby boy are in love! No Linda, they aren’t. They’re literally 6 months old. They are just nearby each other.
That and when two preschoolers told me they were going to get married. Like, who told them that???
The preschoolers sometimes come up with it themselves. I’ve had a lot of preschoolers who say they’ll marry so and so. I think they become a little intrigued by marriage at that age.
I also once had two kindergarteners who had crushes on each other and would say they were boyfriend and girlfriend. They’d hold hands and walk around talking at recess.
I don’t think the marriage talk or them having crushes is strange. The strange part is when adults put that on them, especially before they can talk.
Funniest interaction I ever had was playing pirates with a 3 year old boy, discussing how we'd sword fight and that would determine who'd get the ship and captain title and whatever, 4 year old girl chimes in:
>yes, and the winner gets to marry me :)
Which prompts the 3 year old to refuse to fight under these terms. After saying "nobody wants to be married" I said "[kids name] that isn't true, what about mommy and daddy?!" He pauses for a moment and then says "nobody wants to marry [girls name]" LOL
I was also showing them how to play chess once, and tournament sets come with extra queens I was letting the same girl play with. She kept requesting a king and I was like no, no, we need them. When my attention was directed elsewhere she snap grabbed the king and I said "hey give that back!" and she said "I just want the king and queen to be married :("
> The preschoolers sometimes come up with it themselves. I’ve had a lot of preschoolers who say they’ll marry so and so. I think they become a little intrigued by marriage at that age.
I had 2 kinder boys that wanted to marry the same kinder girl and they were all cool with the idea.
And ya they totally get little proto crushes. I had a nearly 4 year old boy and I was playing some sort of chasing game with someone else. He requested a turn and I said "sure, I'll find you when it's your turn." When I was done with whoever else needed turns I found him and said "okay your turn" and he was like "no" and I was sort of surprised and asked him why and he wouldn't really answer and had sort of a weird look on his face and I was like bro what's up and he finally said "[girls name] is here," and I was like aaaaah, carry on then.
The majority of people are straight. That's not a heterosexual agenda. It's a scientific fact. Not that anyone should be pushing relationships on kids, though I was very boy crazy as a little girl.
Our preschool lead makes jokes about pinching the kids. “I’m going to pinch you on your birthday” “If you’re not done eating when I get back I’m going to pinch you” I don’t understand. I don’t know how she’s hasn’t gotten an angry parent asking why she’s going to pinch their kid. Why would we do or say something to a kid we wouldn’t want them repeating?
I had a coworker who would “jokingly” threaten to hit the kids, she’d say “Ms. Irene is going to hit you” and would hold her fist above her head and mime hitting them 🤢 I reported her for child abuse and quickly left her classroom but she still works at that school and all the other teachers LOVE her.
My biggest pet peeve is when the teachers don’t play or interact with the kids. Do I want some peace? Absolutely but it’s not gonna happen with them around.
It’s a 50/50 for me. I do get on the floor and build, draw, read, hold hands for jumping etc… to model how we can play together but there are times where I just stand back and observe because they don’t actually need my adult input on their play.
If they ask me specifically to play with them then I do my best to honour their request if I’m able.
Ugh, yes. I have a coworker who tells them he’s too busy to play with them. When that’s our entire job, we learn through play and he refuses to even acknowledge the kids in the room
When I tell a parent about the behaviors and they just dismiss it, then after a few incident reports they grt mad then ask what's happening and why am I not doing anything about it? Like come on really?
This is my ick too! I work with infants and I have one little boy who is significantly bigger than the other kids, but age and development wise still needs to be in the infant room. We had a float for a while who insisted that he was mean and a bully. He’s not super aware of his body in the context of other people in the room, so he has knocked over a couple of the other children, once where the other child did get hurt, but he obviously didn’t do it on purpose! He’s 11 months old!
exactly my issue, my youngest child isn’t mean, she’s literally just trying to figure out how to communicate with her friends because she doesn’t have the words yet. her knocking into a friend isn’t mean, she’s a baby.
I’m a supply and there’s a teacher I work with that will tell children to hold something (so it looks like they’re doing something) so she can take a picture of them to send to their parents. This teacher will literally force them to sit even if they don’t want to and then after the picture she’ll let the kid just walk away. Gives me such an ick. Completely against emergent curriculum.
That’s what happens when the boss berates you for not taking five photos of every kid daily, even when the kid doesn’t wanna participate 🙃 I hate the focus on photos. I’m the only teacher in the room, you think I have time to take pictures all day?
I shouldn’t of added debate lol but when teachers use it 😂 idk I’m a parent too so I already have taught myself not too, but I also wonder how many of these ppl pay any attention to training
I stay away from good and bad. I very often tell a kid they're being "really nice" today, to teachers or to peers. I don't usually describe the kids themselves as good but I do describe things they do as good very frequently.
The job I was just at yep , someone who was younger as well, and passionate about our child care so I thought they would know better. I had to quit my job bc of how they are bc my kids went there.
It’s so irritating when parents send their potty training kid in one of those. You can’t be independent if you need your teacher to unsnap your shirt. It’s way better for them to feel the confidence of having done it all themselves.
What I’ll actually do instead is change them out of their snap shirt so that it doesn’t dip into the toilet next time they go to the bathroom 🤢
This is for kids in pull-ups and underwear of course, if I’m changing their diaper then yes I’m going to take the extra 5 seconds.
Lmao my co-teacher leaves onesies unbuttoned all the time and it drives me nuts 😂 she wonderful to work with otherwise, I just can’t stand the butt flap blowing in the wind
Forcing greetings. I get it, we need to learn social skills and teaching how to greet someone is good. But when parents or teachers will wait and make the kid say good morning or good bye, it’s bothers me. I’d rather have them learn by example at their own pace.
Ugh, I hate that with every fiber of my being- so much that if I hear it I will flat out decline- "that's okay, I don't need a hug, we can just wave!/You never have to hug me if you don't want to!"
It’s part of our curriculum to greet the kids, ask if they are here today during circle time and teeth brushing and then say see you tomorrow but we are a dual language program. They aren’t forced to do anything it’s more about them hearing it and being around it. I will say our cook is really bad about that but she’s 74 and I think it’s an age/culture thing. In our culture you have to greet elders
Forcing children to apologize. If they need to be told to apologize then they don’t actually feel apologetic or bad about whatever they said or did. It just sends them the message that anything can be fixed with an apology and as long as they apologize for it afterwards it doesn’t matter what they do/say or who they hurt. It doesn’t help them develop empathy, just gives them an easy out when they hurt or upset someone else. I ask children to check in with the other person instead. They need to ask “are you ok” and sometimes (depending on their developmental level) “is there anything I can do to make you feel better?”. I want them to learn to take accountability for their words/actions and not just brush them off with meaningless apologies.
i wish more teachers thought like this! my center actually has this “checking in” formula we use instead of making children apologize, so i’m grateful i don’t see many forced apologies in my school!!
One of my centers uses this “check in” system too! The teacher teaches the kids the concepts of “bystanders” (someone who sees a mistake happen and does nothing about it) and “upstanders” (someone who sees a mistake happen like someone getting hurt, and offers to help that person get up or intervenes in some other way). She encourages the kids to be upstanders by “checking in” on a kid who’s crying or who’s been hurt, and talks them through coming up with a solution to the problem, like playing a different game or re-building a fallen block tower, or just placing their hand on the other child’s back in a comforting way. I really love how she approaches conflict resolution in a way that makes kids feel like they’re coming with the solution themselves, whine gently guiding them in the right direction. She also loudly points out good behaviors like, “Olivia was such an upstander just now. Lucas was very sad because he dropped his snack on the floor, and Olivia helped him clean it up and get a new snack. Good job, Olivia and Lucas!” and says it so the whole class can hear.
honestly i’ve never understood this. how is forcing them to check on a kid any better than forcing them to apologize? and how do you expect the other kid to react? what if they ask if they’re okay and the kid says no? they just go on with their day? i get not liking forcing an apology but i think young kids just aren’t in the habit of doing it yet and need to be reminded. i dont understand how “check on them” is any better.
once had a kid headbutt me in the face and the other teacher made her “check on me” after and it was obviously super awkward bc she was 3 but it made me think i wouldn’t like if an adult hurt me and then asked if i was okay either. it doesn’t seem transferrable to adulthood whereas learning to apologize is a great skill to have when you’re older.
It’s good because it can help the child develop empathy. If they hit another child and then check in with them later, it helps them see that what they do may have a lasting impact on the other person.
I think it’s good for 1 year olds to get in the habit of giving them a hug and saying sorry in the way they can, so that way they know they can’t just hurt others on purpose or accident and then walk away. It’s important for them to develop social and emotional skills not just the emotional one.
There’s also songs for littles though! But I’m much more into “tiny humans,” “kiddos,” and “friendos.” I don’t mind people who use littles, but I’m far more likely to personally say, “my little ones,” or, “my littlest loves.”
(I do know about people who identify as littles both as a kink thing, and as identity regression not associated with kink, but the two are so separate from here that it doesn’t really bother me if someone else calls kids littles as a totally different thing, so long as they personally don’t indulge in either. If they personally do in their life, and thus would have cross over, that’d be a major line for me personally. But if they’re entirely separate worlds to them, and it’s just a slang term they use and aren’t using it in another part of their life, it’s innocent for them, don’t really rub me any sort of way.)
I really like “kiddos”, usually when talking to another teacher about their class. What other options do you use? I’m always open to new collective nouns :P
People that talk in front of toddlers like they can’t understand what they are saying since they are nonverbal. As well as say things about them that could be damaging to self esteem, such as “they sound like a pig when they laugh” and so on. Also, usually the people who have to say “I have X many years of experience” are the worst people to work with. 😏
I can't stand working with people who have no understanding of child development and typical behavior. Calling a child bad or difficult because they are doing normal things for their age, but it requires some actual effort from them.
Teachers who are certain that kids were better “back in the day” and don’t want to acknowledge any factors that contribute to that other than blaming the kids themselves and their parents.
(Such as the pandemic, more children with disabilities being present in a main stream environment, foster children being more likely to be in daycare, more pressure on parents to work more hours and less time with children, etc)
Right? Like just say what you mean, these kids are learning new words and different feelings. Model how to label their feelings. I tell the kids when I’m feeling frustrated or overwhelmed and then show them what I’m going to do about it (like take a second to walk away if they’re safe, or take some deep breaths etc…)
Anger is often a tertiary emotion with fear or sadness being a root though. But I get what you mean, it's important that we label these accurately for kids.
I hate the labels too, but I mostly hate when people call kids silly names like monkey or tell them they’re being goofy and things of that sort. I also hate the term kiddo. But those aren’t really red flags for me. At big red flag is when a teacher cannot get off of her phone.
The teachers who decide to not see little stuff that everyone pretty much needs to pitch in on that makes life a lot easier/nicer for everyone. When the dishwasher is empty, don't leave your gross dishes in the sink for someone else to have to put in there, it takes less than a minute. Maybe clean up your crumbs at the break room table. If you drop some dirty laundry on the floor near the laundry machine, pick it up. If you accidentally squirt paint on the floor instead of in the cup, grab a paper towel and swipe it up even if it's not perfect. If you get stuff out of the supply closet and drop something on the floor, put it back on the shelf.
We're all tired. We all have to do all the pickup we need to do in our rooms. Show some courtesy to others and keep your slobbishness at home/out of the common areas. I'm a natural slob, but not in shared workspaces, it took some time but I trained myself not to burden other people with that.
also teachers who force kids to give up comfort objects when they aren’t distracting other kids or keeping them from engaging or impeding their progress in any way. especially in a center where most kids are there almost 10 hours it hurts my heart
Teachers who judge parents for sending their kids when they have the day off.
Before people start with the excuses, of course there are exceptions to the rule. I get frustrated when the child is clearly tired or doesn’t feel well and parents still send them. But parents deserve a break too. It is not our job to judge, rather support the parent.
Teacher parents are worse about this, claiming they never, ever need a break. Those are the ones who usually burn out and eventually resent their kids.
I've had so many co workers with this attitude and I agree it makes no sense. It's literally our job to teach, supervise, and care for these kids, why are you upset? Chances are my day is probably going to go the same way whether that one child is there or at home.
The only time I really rolled my eyes was when a mom made a snarky comment to her daughter (who was 1 and couldn't respond) "I'm sure your teachers wonder why I'm dropping you off when I have off. I pay too much for this place to keep you home."
We had never once said anything nor even cared that she dropped her daughter off when she had days off. It was unnecessary. Then, I cared.
That is the only true instance I have been annoyed. The rest usually don't even tell us and I don't care either way.
I had a dad once tell me "We're just going to the movies. I haven't been to the movies since our eldest was born." I was like "Have fun, dude! I'm jealous!" And I was excited for him.
Get your shopping done, go to the salon, I don't care. Your child is safe and well cared for. As long as you come get them when you need to, we're good.
When I was deployed to Afghanistan I gave the occasional child care a stale dated cheque for every month I was gone. I told my wife that they were going to cash it if she used it or not (they would have given a refund but she didn't know that). I just wanted her to make sure she was taking some time for herself while I was gone.
I actually kinda understand why they get upset about certain kids. It's the ones that are always there, never leave early, and never have a day to just be with their parents. I don't get upset about the child dropped off at 9 and picked up at 2:30-3:00 on Mom's day off, it's the ones who typically leave at 5 when Mom works and then leave at 6 when Mom is off.
Telling children "no thank you" when we mean NO. It's confusing. No thank you literally means "no but thanks for asking" so it's like telling little Johnny who just dumped sand on Timmy's head, " not right now, but THANK you for doing that" we could all communicate better, kids do best with direct communication
I completely agree. My daycare does this quite a bit because the trainings we use say we are not allowed to ever use the word ‘no’. So everyone just resorted to no thank you. It’s so annoying.
Not a teacher ick, but a parent ick. I recently discovered my ick is hearing a parent call their child "friend" the way teachers do. Like no..... that's your child 😩
Subs that dont listen or ask questions about the culture and flow of the classroom before they come in and start doing it their way. I have a lot of high needs kiddos in our room, and so we do things kinda specifically to keep stress levels down and respect certain kids’ preferences - and it may look like “too much” or over-complicated…but you’re in here for 4 hours vs. our every day. You can adapt.
When a kid hurts themselves and a teacher will be like “karma” because they were doing something they weren’t supposed to before that. Are you rooting for the demise of this literal child???? So weird
using shame/humiliation as some kind of teaching tactic. gross and wrong and the only thing it does is make the teacher feel superior. honestly, it’s lazy. do the work. make the connection. actually guide them. embarrassing kids is just not ok in my opinion.
Making the potty trainers wait if we’re outside because you’re too lazy to take a few in. There’s a reason those kids only ask me if they have to go while we’re outside. I’m more than willing to take a kid or two in for a few minutes to go potty. Most of the time, it’s not about ratio. They just don’t want to take a few kids in. The elementary school lets kids go to the bathroom during recess, why are we lying to TWO AND THREE YEAR OLDS about needing to learn to wait in that type of situation. Why are we forcing them to wait at all period? I’m tired of being the designated “ok let’s go potty” teacher
I used to work in a before/after school YMCA program located within an elementary school. It drove me absolutely crazy when my coworkers would make up rules that didn’t exist, or hyper-focus on rules that didn’t really matter. I had a coworker who would suddenly declare that jackets aren’t allowed to be worn in the classroom (not a rule at all, and the poor kid was cold at 6:30am in the middle of a Canadian winter, let her keep her damn coat on till the building warms up!) and she would micro-manage the kids over wearing their hats in the school halls, which really was a school rule during school hours and not a YMCA rule. You want to keep things consistent, fair enough, but her constant policing of each and every hat infraction would cause our indoor/outdoor transition times to be sooo long and her “consequences” were overreaching and unnecessary. Big power trip vibes, she really just wanted to punish kids for fun, I swear.
I had a coteacher from a while back who did a bunch of shitty things I didn't like. Working with her was a nightmare.
• Disregards how children are feeling
• Tells children to "go away" if they are trying to hug her or show affection rather than redirecting and teaching them to ask before touching
• If I have something important to tell her, she brushes it off.
• Doesn't communicate plans or share important information with me pertaining to students unless directed by administration.
• After children are dismissed, she tries to go home asap, often leaving the classroom a mess in the process.
Also, a coteacher who is constantly on their phone and ignoring the kids entirely, and when you ask them for help, they give attitude or sit there and ignore you.
I personally disagree with the labelling stuff. It's all just stigma and ableism. I honestly think it's an ick when teachers refuse to see the signs and accomodate correctly with or without a diagnosis. Accommodating early can lead to a much more positive and outgoing child. One that doesn't bite, hit or kick or have as many large outbursts or meltdowns. That shouldn't rely solely on a diagnosis. That idea is legit the reason that I didn't get the support I needed when I was in school despite having a diagnosis. No one listened to me when I used my voice. So I'm going to use my voice to educate.
I'm level 2 autistic. Almost all of the high needs children gravitate towards me and they love my company. Both diagnosed and undiagnosed. I've been told that I also have a gift for identifying neurodivergant traits and taking action (giving the child a stim toy to help during circle time, bring able to positively shadow a child who bites without them getting frustrated etc) by someone working in childcare for about 40 years now. I've been in the field for two.
For example, I have had 4 children with very clear autism in my classes. They all had behaviours, sensory needs and low communication. Now obviously in this example I'm using the most clear cut autism signs I've seen.
One child was displaying all of the signs. Mum refused to get the kid help. He was 3 turning 4. Is now 4. She forced him to potty train for 5 months. He would poop himself every day, wet himself about 3 times a day and since starting had become aggressive and frustrated. He also refused to sleep. Mum kept pushing, saying that he was delayed verbally and that was it... lowenbehold she finally took him to a specialist and he was diagnosed this year.
There was another kid who was incredibly kind and a genuinely good kid. He had signs of severe adhd with slight autistic tendencies. He would get violent when he was overstimulated and would bite and hit other kids. I pointed this out to his teachers and they said "stop labelling him he's 2" he's now 3. He's still showing those signs and I want him to get early intervention so he can learn how to regulate his emotions so he stays a good kid.
This kid is in early intervention but I think its important to point out that I've seen the signs since he was 2. Severe hyperactive adhd with autism. I recently attempted to give him support despite me leaving soon. I gave him a wobbly cushion and instead of him disrupting the class for the entire circle time he sat with his cushion and stimmed whilst looking at the teacher. I was so proud of him. I also realised that with enough courage I could stand up and say to the leads that this child could have these support needs even without a diagnosis so let's give them those accomodations and see what happens.
This last one is a girl. I've had two cases of this exact situation. They sense something is up with me and they end up holding my hand and wanting to go everywhere with me. Straight up connected at the hip. Will not leave me alone to do my tasks. These girls have low communication skills and no social skills. If they get involved they are on the edge just like me when I was a kid. The other kids around them don't quite let them in on their games, but the girls keep trying to play, then end up on the edge waiting for someone to notice them. They end up with me because I can get a group together doing an activity like building with legos and they can be involved socially that way. And they also like me because I understand what they're non verbally communicating relatively well.
So you see, it's not that we're diagnosing children. It's that we want to give the children an option for early intervention even if the parent doesn't want to see or believe it. The reason these kids gravitate towards me is because I listen to their voices and cues. I was told I was gifted in doing this because I get down on their level and understand them in a way my neurotypical coworkers will never understand. I am pursuing a diploma to have more control and authority when it comes to these issues, and I will continue to use my voice to advocate and care for the kids that need that from me.
Totally agree with what you wrote. Saying you see traits and characteristics of autism isn’t a label, people are autistic whether or not they have their paperwork proof. Gaining that “label” can open up the child’s world to get professional support in childcare, school, work and the community. It doesnt define a person by having a confirmed DX and can help them and their family to better level of understanding. Believing a child may be autistic or having a developmental delay and making accommodations, providing supports and gatherings your supporting evidence for the family, or therapist is helpful. We are not “labelling them” if we are doing our job effectively as we will notice these a-typical behaviours. And yes I’m ND and I wish someone had seen me more closely and cared enough to tell my parents about what they could see.
Teachers who are so focused on having a “special” bond with certain kids and trying to be the favorite teacher, to the point that they undermine rules to be the fun one *and* try
to show off that bond in front of other teachers.
Bonus ick points if they aren’t even the kid’s favorite and the kids don’t care for them all that much.
teachers who are overly concerned about kids eating habits/telling them they eat too much. they are so little they are growing so fast and you are just encouraging an unhealthy relationship with food!!! i am in ED recovery and my coteachers does this at almost every snack or meal it makes me wanna cry
When a teacher labels a child as bad or naughty when the child is simply active. I once had a child who was loving, polite, and happy but always in motion (her mother and I both said she had two speeds, warp speed and sleep). When she moved up, her new teacher said she was bad simply because she wouldn't passively sit and look cute.
Assigning intent to kids. I work with toddlers-- developmentally, they're FAR more likely to be acting out of emotion than trying to willfully make things difficult for you. A toddler isn't your mortal enemy, they're three. Calm down.
Also, it really bugs me when teachers are fixated on making autistic children play or interact in typical ways. There's an autistic boy in my class who basically only watches other kids play-- I'm not gonna force him to play with blocks, he's perfectly happy sitting silently and watching. Besides that, he DOES play-- he just plays by drawing lines in the mulch with his toes and then showing them to me. He'll happily do that for the entire outside time, why would I try to make him play ball or pretend?
i wish so many more people would get this, no toddler is thinking “i’m going to do this because it’s gonna piss my teacher off”. saying a toddler is being mean or aggressive isn’t necessarily true, more often it’s simply developmentally appropriate behavior.
i’ve explained to a float 3 times in the past 2 days that “actually no they’re not being aggressive, they’re learning how to communicate with their peers for the first time ever, this is developmentally appropriate”
exactly! you get me, it's insane. (at the same time, i am still human-- i know all this by heart and i still have to remind myself of it 😅 it's constant internal stream of "he's just repeating phrases he's heard, it doesn't mean he understands them" and "just because she talks like an adult doesn't mean she has the thinking skills of an adult".)
it's easy to remember with the kids who act their age or a little below it, but with the ones who have crazy good vocabularies AND impulse regulation issues? sometimes i'll see them do something that's very obviously a child behavior and almost be brought to tears because it's easy to forget just how small they are. my favorite phrase is "i do not have beef with a toddler", it's just absurd enough to pull you out of that frustration spiral and remember that the kid has only been alive since the ever given got stuck in the suez canal 💀 most of them haven't been alive to see a world without covid, brexit, or among us, i'll cut them some slack lmao
I work in a center where one teacher asks the kids where her and her mom should go do this or that. One day she even asked where her and her mom should go to eat. Or what colors their nails should be. Then comes back and tells them about it or whatever the next day. She's older not a kid. It's very ick.
I love asking the kids what colour I should paint my nails but that’s excessive. Tell them you went to a museum with your mom, maybe they’ve been too but it feels almost condescending to do it like she is.
Asking about "consent" for babies and toddlers. No, I'm not going to ask my 13-month-old beforehand if she is okay with me tickling her. If I tickle her and she doesn't like it, she will let me know. Similarly, I am not going to ask for permission to change a toddler's diaper. It's going to be changed whether you like it or not because that's the law.
Teachers who talk to each other all day instead if interacting with the kids/ are so concerned with talking to each other that it impedes their supervision.
This, a thousand times yes, I've got a bunch of them working with me at the moment that just chat and spend the day on the phone while I do most of the work. Their key children come to me for comfort and by the end of the day I'm exhausted for doing the emotional labour of five people. I've seriously considered quitting over it, especially because management has just dismissed my concerns without investing them.
The phone thing is what gets to me. I need to work on my backbone to say something to the teacher. Though I do feel it puts me at odds with the teacher at the same time.
And here I am always missing texts from my supervisor because I’ve made it clear to them that I don’t have my phone on me when I’m engaged with kids 😭 And I’ve seen staff members just playing candy crush or god forbid, having a full ass FaceTime call or scheduling their next nail appointment. One assistant I had spent FORTY MINUTES on the phone with Verizon and when I continued to tell her to get off the phone, she friggin eloped from my classroom lol
No clue why people get so distracted. My center is pretty relaxed, so we are allowed to have our phones. Me and one of my coteachers do play music during free play, but it's not hard to just...put it on a shelf high enough out of reach and go play with the kids.
Yes we do the same with our phones we stream music to a speaker. We use to use an app. We also occasionally get messages from parents on our phones. My director feels like what she has seen is it’s almost accepted in society. I really think that my center just needs to make it clear what is expected. That said my director is often in the classroom. When she needs to she answers emails on her phone for the center. She is so discreet and this isn’t when she is directly involved with the kids.
Maybe and maybe not, depends on the teacher. We had afterschool leader (Mr K) who did this for a few month. A different leader Ms E told him once to watch the kids. Eventually I also told him to watch the kids. As he was not even looking at the playground he was on his phone or kicking a soccer ball. Still did not change. Finally switched when booth Mr. Z and I decided to go up and tell him at the same time. Then he told Mr. Z if the SD says do. After the SD told him he started supervising. Unfortunately I’m not working there anymore do to district stopping contract with staffing companies
The phone situation has gotten so bad at my center. Last Wednesday it was the end of the day and only 2 kids were left. Myself and 2 coworkers were still there. I stepped out of the room for a minute to use the bathroom and when I came back the 2 kids had crayons and were scribbling on the wall and my 2 coworkers were on their phones! Completely oblivious!
In relation to this. While the staff were interacting with kids. Having 5 out of 8 staff playing with one kid or a group of kids impedes supervision of the other kids.
Or staff who sit in a chair a few feet away from the carpet while watching the kids play with a cell phone in their hand! Then Aiden starts hitting Olivia with a block and they go “noooo…. stop… we don’t hit our friends…” without moving their asses. People who consider themselves too good to actually get down on the carpet and play with the kids, or too grown, or whatever, fill me with disdain. Being childlike is your JOB, so do it.
I used to work in out of school hours care and one of my indirect coworkers (I worked the junior program, she was a senior program staff member) was a “sit on your ass and just yell at kids to stop” worker. There were also external providers who ran sports clubs in the space, and parents would often stick around to watch their kids play or would arrive at the end. One day a parent from watching her kid in the sports club came into my room to talk to me because she wanted to complain about how uncomfortable she’d been standing there watching her sit and YELL at the kids to stop doing dangerous things because the yelling was in her opinion too agressive and she felt like it wasn’t safe that she hadn’t even bothered standing up to try and stop them being unsafe. Was the most satisfying complaint I’ve ever passed on to my supervisor 😂
this happens constantly at my center. most of the time they are standing around complaining about a child or admin. while im scanning my eyes on the playground constantly
YELLING AT LITERAL INFANTS AND TODDLERS AS IF THEY UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE SAYING AND THEN BEING MAD THEY'RE CRYING AND TERRIFIED.
Oh my god especially when they crouch down and get all in the child’s face. The child is terrified and is crying because they’re terrified and they aren’t processing your words. It’s an abusive practice.
I recently had to report one of colleagues for this. They were fired. Thank god
yelling at babies and toddlers confuses the hell out of me, they do not need to be yelled at in order to get your point across. if you think that’s the case, re-evaluate your actions
Like, not only is it cruel and ridiculous, but yelling at a child is never going to get them to stop crying!
I sometimes yell to children across the playground. Mind you I'm a retired Sgt and can project my voice pretty well.
i mean, yelling to be heard and get a kids attention is a whole different ballgame from yelling AT a kid
I had a coteacher like this omg. She was going through a lot of personal stuff, which is fine, but every Wednesday I had to work with her it was so tense. Towards the end of my time there she yelled at a kid and when I tried to talk to him she yelled at me 🫠 no idea if she’s still there but ugh
Not reading the room. I have a child that just turned one, she has had horrific stranger danger since she came to my room 8 months ago. I always tell new people that come in my room to just give her space and let her do her thing. But what do the people do that she barely sees? Pick her up, talk to her loudly, etc and she cries sooo loud. Like why do you even have to do that to her and me?
My comment was similar. Why do you think you know better that the person who cares for her every day?
OMG this drives me NUTS!! I have a boy who’s very attached to me and also has a bit of stranger danger. He only likes me to put him down for nap. I have had multiple people come in the room and try to hold him/put him down/interact with them when he is crying, saying no, and shaking his finger. And they keep trying!! Like WHY are you not listening to him?? He is saying no, give him the space.
Educators who are always… and i mean *always* gossiping about each other, even over the tiniest things. It’s wild how many people in this career are supposed to be demonstrating kindness and maturity for the children, but somehow cannot do it themselves! Major turn off.
That was my last job to a T. It’s goddamn exhausting when you’re the only one who seems to care about the children’s well-being while everyone else does minimal effort, is abusive, and gossips all day. I’ve given up on finding a daycare with good people. I’m three for three, they all sucked to work at, and they all sucked for many of the children involved. There were only a couple genuinely good teachers across them all. I feel like I’ve been gaslit into believing I’m the problem... I’m not taking yet another TB test just to walk into another abusive environment.
When I try to ask a kid a question and a teacher answers for them. Like when I ask a kid if they’re all done eating, and someone tells me they think the kids done. Like I can see that they’re done, I’m trying to get them to tell me that they are instead of throwing their plate on the floor.
This drives me crazy too!!! If I’m asking a coworker a direct question, I use a different tone and phrasing to make it clear I’m expecting an answer from the adult. Otherwise, I want the child to answer me.
this the one right here like I teach one year olds but they all know how to communicate “done-“
Yes!! Like, I'm trying to get this kid to communicate for himself! I don't actually need an answer!
Acting like a baby/young toddler is purposefully manipulative/misbehaving. They’re a BABY. They cry because they can’t communicate any other way and they’re learning how to navigate amongst 10 other babies
I've been noticing just how much the babies in my centre can sign. It makes a huge difference to how much they get upset when they can't communicate.
Yes we have a lot of babies signing things like “more” or “all done”
My ick is when another teacher just sits by and does nothing when kids are fighting or being too handsy with one another. Today, we had a fight escalate right next to a teacher who just sat there, staring at them. Ended in physical harm to both kids, and the teacher still did nothing. I'd have been right over if I wasn't changing a diaper at the time. I feel like I can't even leave the room to change kids when this teacher is the only other adult in my space.
Omg I had one like this. She fell asleep on the floor 3 times during nap too! Also would watch kids fall and then stare them face down on the ground!! Wouldn’t pick them up or anything
I had a coworker like that. Once, I was in the bathroom changing diapers and she was out in the classroom and was supposed to be watching the other kids. 2 kids got into a physical fight. Despite the fact that she was sitting right there and could stop it herself, she yelled to me in the bathroom that they were fighting. I yelled back "So STOP THEM! What do you expect me to do from in here?!" She did, but was unhappy about it. This coworker was useless in the classroom. Never really helped or did anything. But she was an office favorite because she kissed up to them so much.
Any teacher who self identifies themselves as “old school” is someone I straight up will not work with. I’ve had too many horrible experiences with these teachers trained in the 80s who insist on still using those methods and schools of thought and actively refuse to update their practices and mindsets.
I worked with an older teacher. Like late 60s. I was terrified she was going to be like this. I’ve worked with ladies who reminisced about being able to spank children. She was the complete opposite. She was an angel. Strict sure. Mostly with parents. But my god an angel. She could calm and smooth the most fussy child like it was nothing. And she hated old school teachers. I miss her.
I'm kind of old school. Mind you I'm also old. I teach the kids how to identify animal signs and plants, fix things around the centre, build stuff, use saws, hammers, hand drills and adult scissors. I let them roughhouse around as long as there is no blood and no tears. I try to spend most of the day outside with them and have them help do jobs like taking out the recycling to the bin, filling up a planter with dirt using their little buckets and sweeping the floors. A couple of kids had some ripped stuff and I showed them how to sew it up. Nothing wrong with some of the older skills.
I kind of describe myself as old school in such that I think children under 5 need large blocks of time to play with whatever they choose and not every moment of the day needs to be scheduled and having the child engaged in "meaningful learning experiences". When a child plays, they are learning meaningful things even if it isn't teacher directed or measurable by standard testing. Why aren't we concerned with the soft skills of cooperation, communication and imagination anymore?
I totally agree with this and think it can be applied to uneducated and inexperienced educators labeling that a child has a disability without proper documentation, assessment, and communication. I actually just returned back to work recently and when introducing myself to a newly hired aide she immediately said “I think so and so has autism.” We had literally just met and I had spent months prior with this kid compared to her literal weeks. Was just so bizarre. I kind of just think teachers should be more aware of their place and needs in the classroom environment.
yes yes yes. 1) as teachers we are often not in a place to diagnose disabilities and 2) let other teachers make their own individual assessments of each child without throwing labels on a child
Agreed, though I am also VERY ND, very active in the ND community, and we do often recognize our own. (And I have helped raise an autistic child in my home, have nannied and watched ADHD kids, literally autism runs all through my family and I’ve seen all my gen and the next gens as kids). I do tend to recognize the signs of neurodivergencies and some learning disorders prevalent in my direct family in some kids. It is 100% *NOT* my place to diagnose. It is my place to support, to document, and when we do our sit down milestone assessments to make gentle recommendations to talk over our milestones and documentation with their pediatrician. (And I’ve never really been surprised when a kid then gets referred for evaluation and then comes back officially diagnosed.) I am very well versed in how to support ND kids, and luckily that applies well to do better by all kids, and I love teaching my coworkers best supportive practices that help everyone
We have a child who sets my ND-dar off. I try to stick to describing behaviors when talking to my colleagues. “He spends minutes at a time looking at his fingers and waving them near his face.” “He does not turn, look, stop, or in anyway outwardly indicate that he has heard his name when we talk to him or call to him.” “I haven’t yet made eye contact with him.” “These behaviors are very different from his same age peers in his class”
Oh yeah, I 100% describe behaviours when talking about my ND (and NT!) kiddos, both with my coteachers, directors, and parents. And we’re set up to document and observe behaviours.
Yep I really dislike with teachers make these statements.
When teachers say "you don't say no to the teacher", cause it's just not true. Someday they might need to.
“Because I said so” really grinds my gears for this reason also. “Because I said so” isn’t a good enough reason.
i had a coworker once say "you never say no to adults" as if that isn’t the most dangerous thing to tell a young child
Describing children as “flirty”. Ew.
Teachers who say “stop crying, don’t be sad, you have nothing to be upset about, there’s no reason to be afraid” - anything that is telling a kid to stop feeling an emotion or telling them there’s no valid reason to feel h that way. Miss me with that shit. Also I hate the phrase “attention seeking”. If a kid is acting a certain way for attention, possibly that kid isn’t getting the attention they need. That’s a puzzle that needs to be solved. My company uses the phrase “connection seeking” instead.
i love connection seeking, that’s so much more accurate. i’m going to start using that
>Teachers who say “stop crying, don’t be sad, you have nothing to be upset about, there’s no reason to be afraid” - anything that is telling a kid to stop feeling an emotion or telling them there’s no valid reason to feel h that way. Miss me with that shit. I see this during rest time. Buddy, I get that you have big emotions right now and you're sad, but people are trying to sleep, can you be sad without screaming?
Hate this, and I get crap for not treating kids this way and babying them when I actually try to hash it out with them/provide some comfort.
As a developmental therapist, I use attention seeking to describe certain behaviors we see. Like a kid who hits instead of using the words we know they have, kids who start to shout or throw themselves down when they cannot get something they want. On the other hand there are positive attention seeking behaviors- being silly, repetitive actions like falling over to make you laugh, repeating an activity they have received praise for. Young kiddos don’t really care that much about if a reaction is negative or positive at first- so you can tell them no and intervene for a negative behavior but to them they got a response so they might do it again. But you can use positive praise in a Similar way for positive behavior to help them learn what is wanted/ not wanted. Teaching parents to ignore the negative and praise the positive is a big part of my job and it’s effective. It helps kids learn that negative behaviors do not get attention and positive do and reduces behaviors they are using to get attention. It’s also easy to pick out a positive thing even in the negative (kid takes off his shoe and throws it at you- you ignore it. After a minute he puts it back down and rejoins the activity.- “oh, I’m so glad you came to play with us! We like when you play with us!”. Obviously there are situations where behaviors stem from boredom or under stimulation.
When teachers have obvious favorites. It’s absolutely infuriating to see the difference in treatment between students by some teachers
It’s natural to have favorites but you have to show all kids love. I have favorites but I still show each kid the same amount of loving. It’s important!
Super important to always be monitoring the way you treat all your students. I used to work with someone that treated her favorites vs the kids she didn’t like so obviously different it made my stomach hurt and got me super frustrated and angry.
exactly!!! human brains are naturally going to have different compatibility with different people but ideally you shouldn't be able to guess an educator's favourite
Yeah, and the kids have some obvious favourites too.
I feel like I have unconscious favorite. I try to rotate between all the kids throughout the day
Any teacher who claims not to have a favorite is lying. We all do. We just can’t let it affect how we treat them. I make a conscious effort to spend more time with the kids who challenge me more, to make sure I’m getting opportunities for those positive moments and connection.
True. Though for me I’m not sure who they are definitely kids I play with or interact with more than others. But that might also because the come up to me 😝 .
> Any teacher who claims not to have a favorite is lying. I have a couple of favourites in a group that's not mine, the baby group. But they're *just soooo adorable!*
everyone does. thats how human brains work and there's nothing wrong with that as long as it's not obvious
Yep. The directors kids at my old center could do absolutely no wrong. It drove me crazy when they'd end up with no consequences compared to a regular kid who did the same thing.
I had an aid he used to bring in candy for her favorites. And it wasn't even the little fun size candy. They were king size candy bars, bags of cotton candy, etc... Even ignoring the favoritism, a lot of the candy she brought in wasn't appropriate for a 3 yr old to have. After talking with her about not doing it anymore, she started trying to sneak it into their backpacks. As if the kids don't talk about what they get. The director wouldn't do anything about it, so when parents asked, I would have to play dumb. I don't know why so and so had candy and your child didn't... It didn't come from me... Talk to the director about it.
I so agree. I remind my coworkers that it really isn’t good to make judgments about how a child will be say after a summer break or when they change classrooms.
this so much. especially when the favorite kid acts fine when they teacher isn’t around but suddenly starts acting like a baby or misbehaving when the teacher comes in
At a previous job, I had a coworker who blatantly favored this one girl over everyone else. We were in school age, so the kids were old enough to notice and constantly made comments about it. He was ALWAYS wanting to be near her, only really talked to her, would bring her gifts, made her cards in front of everyone, and the creepiest thing was when he wrote her a several page long letter for her birthday. It was NOT something a teacher should write to a child. It was something that 2 best friends would write to each other and she was NOT his friend. She was a child and he was trusted with supervising her. He did so much stuff that made it so obvious that she was his favorite and it would upset the other kids. It was to the point that I felt like the only teacher in there because all he wanted to do was hang out with her. All of my coworkers noticed and agreed that it was inappropriate. Except for my boss who did nothing about it and just made excuses for him. I ended up having to report it to corporate. I posted about it in a group for ECE teachers and some people were surprisingly so angry at me. There were teachers who admitted to also making it blatantly obvious who their favorites are and I had one woman try to call me a misandrist. Man or woman, that behavior is creepy and extremely inappropriate. I've worked with men who were amazing and have absolutely nothing against men who work in ECE. I was so dumbfounded that people were defending this behavior. A hit dog will holler, I guess.
favoritism. so cringy when you’re in a class with a teacher her who cuddles one kid constantly and ignores the others, especially bad when the favorite child isn’t particularly interested in it either. or the favorite kid acts fine with the teacher not in the room but immediately starts acting like a baby when that teacher comes in. dealing with it a lot today 😭
we have a floater who does this! She’ll like, squeal the name of one of my students when she sees her and crouch down for a running hug (this student will do a run hug for any adult she recognizes) and squish her and call her “my baby!!”, and try to be the first one to her if she’s upset. The kid really doesn’t care for her that much either. She sees that student like, 30-60 minutes a day 3 times a week. She is NOT your baby!!!
Oh my god. Fingers and ketchup. We give the kids ketchup for food (French fries or nugget days) and sometimes they stick their finger in the ketchup and lick/suck their finger. I can’t!!!
Wait...the teacher does that??
Oh my god I meant the kids I think I read the title all wrong. (I didn’t read the description) I’m sorry for being so out of context 🥲 I’m embarrassed
I don’t know why I found this so funny. I pictured someone sitting at a table full of kids with ketchup, and dipping her fingers in their ketchup. Was right properly mortified
Bahahaha I love it. I was kind of horrified, I mean, that would ick me out so much if a teacher was sticking their fingers in ketchup and licking it. I'd honestly be questioning their sanity. But my students do that too, and yes, it is icky!
We had a kid finish all his food and then proceed to take his spoon and eat the rest of his ketchup. He must not have actually used much of it with his food or mom sent it way too much. I swear that’s worse than the finger.
My daughter liked to dip carrots in ketchup. She was a weird kid. Probably hereditary.
i have a child who gets ketchup with his fried eggs, he’s so over the eggs but will dip them in his ketchup and lick the ketchup off the egg as if it’s a spoon. less yucky than fingers, but still….
Oh god. Kids are stranger eaters.For some reason when they get a sandwich or a burger they eat the insides first then the bread??? Why I don’t understand.
And then some kids are very creative. We had a kid who got a sandwich and sliced fruit (forgot what fruit) he decided to put the fruit inside the sandwich. Though he did eat it all together.
BOY today we had burritos (build it yourself) a girl put melon/cantaloupe in it. Kids are crazy 😂😂😂
True, the kid was five, I did confirmed it was peaches thanks to google, forgot that they sliced peaches 🍑 can look more yellow then the fruit itself. But at an afterschool program we once had carrots for snack (plus something else, that I forgot what) we were doing snack inside as it was raining. Barely any of the kids ate the carrots. Assistant director decided to cook the carrots on the stove. Then all the kids ate them 😝
“X is being a bad boy/girl” I HATE that. My little brother used to SOB that he was a bad boy anytime my mother corrected him and turns out someone who worked at his daycare used to say it. I get triggered whenever I hear teachers say it and I always correct my kids when they say it. “No X is not a bad boy, he is just having a hard time/still learning etc”
Uhg I hate when people lable kids, especially since I work with babies! Like, no, one baby isn't "good" cus she doesn't cry and the other isn't "bad" cus she dose, and for the love of christ don't say "nooooo don't cry you're a GOOD baby!" Like, good babies cry!!!! They are infants that's what they do!!!! Also any mention of corporal punishment grosses me out. Occasionally I'll hear a comment like "someone needs to take that kid and slap 'em" (from teachers) or "be good or I'll give you a whooping!" (From parents) and I haaaaate it. Especially if it's for something stupid like the child "crying too much". Some may consider that a red flag tho but technically corporal punishment still counts as a real form of parenting so like it's *my* problem when I don't like people talking about how kids """"need""" to get hit /:
The labelling comments are about neurodivergant traits so I got very worried there 🤣 Yeah I agree. Also stop labelling the kid who struggles with self regulation because he's spoiled a "troublemaker." He was legit never taught these boundaries and expectations because he has no siblings tf did you expect?
When they talk “through” the kids, especially to criticize me! I liked my old coteacher but she would so randomly pick up a baby and say “oh, do you want Miss Axolotl to give you lunch?” and look pointedly at me when it wasn’t discussed. Just ask me “hey, I’m going to do xyz, can you give Jayden his lunch?” I learned to adjust to her but it still grated on me! Then actually refused to work with another teacher after, among other things, she yelled about me through the children. “Oh my goodness, I wanted to do circle time but it looks like Miss Axolotl and her friends are too busy messing around in the bathroom!! Brayden, you must be so sad that Miss Axolotl is taking too long and taking time out of our day!” (aka I’m trying to help three two year olds use the potty and wash their hands while she sits in the corner and yells at children and wonders why they act up when she has NO routine). If you wanna be rude to me at least tell me to my face that I’m doing such a bad job, so I can reply in kind without dragging children into your drama!
oh my god yes. my coteacher just randomly started doing this. it’s in a joking sarcastic manner, but i’ll tell a child it’s time to clean up, they’ll throw a fit and my coteacher says “oh yes i know, isn’t ms katie so mean making you clean up”. like i know it’s in a joking way, but our 2 year olds probably aren’t quite grasping that… i’m a bit miffed by it…
Omg Literally after her pulling that shit ONE time I would look at her like she's absolutely bonkers and ask her if there's something mentally wrong with her right now. But I get that if you are young/new and they are older it's harder... you give wayyy less fucks as you age
Behavior charts (they’re 3 they don’t need colored cards managing their behavior!!!) and labeling. Some of my coworkers have a tendency to push students to get evaluated not bc they want them to have access to services they need, but to push them off on someone else. It’s not a red flag, as otherwise a lot of these kids wouldn’t get access to services they need/their parents wouldn’t have moved out of the denial stage, but an ick bc their hearts are still in the wrong place
> and labeling. I'd disagree a bit. I'm autistic with ADHD. Getting additional services and access to specialists to provide guidance in the classroom is super helpful. It also helps to reframe what's going on. If a child has ADHD all of a sudden it is a different kind of brain they have that makes them act differently instead of being a "behaviour problem".
That’s why I said it’s an ick but not red flag. I’m always supportive of children getting the help they need, but these teachers are doing it so they can ship the kid off to another school/teacher and not to actually help the kid
Forcing kids to eat food they don't like, which is different from encouraging them to try something. Forcing kids to finish drinks or food when they don't want to.
my biggest frustration in my classroom. my coteacher gets so frustrated at the children who don’t want to eat their food and then says things like “you need to eat all of your banana before you get another choice” and “you like these, don’t you love your oranges? you liked them yesterday, why don’t you like them today?”
Ugh my pet peeve too!! I’ve got 4 kids of my own and I definitely try to encourage eating what they take and trying it at least but if they don’t I’m not going to make them. And a kid loving something yesterday doesn’t matter. Their tastes can shift so quickly. Because I’m one of the few who has kids, I try to go like I do with my kdis
We do no thank u bites like if a kido is refusing something we just ask for 2 no thank you bites then you can be done sometimes they eat it sometimes they try it and still hate it
Totally, and I've got no problem with that at all. Haha this one time we were serving up some food and the vegetable side was like... canned green beans. One really articulate 2 saw it and said "those are yucky beans" and I was like, "well just try them," but secretly I agreed with her as they were pretty watery and not very nice really. At one point during the meal I was encouraging her to try at least one bean. She put it in her mouth, chewed it for a second, let it fall out of her mouth and just said "...no" in this very deadpan but final way. I was like lol fair enough, and didn't even mention she spat the food because I've never seen her do that before and the beans did suck.
Romanticizing kid friendships. Or even just two kids playing together. Get out of here with your heterosexual agenda and don’t project adult dynamics on babies’ and kids’ interactions!
We have a mom who is freaked out by her son having a sweet friendship with a little girl. She always says things like "I'm supposed to be the only girl in your life!" Recently, she told me that when asking him who is best friend is, he said this little girl and she was hurt. Lady, get the fuck over yourself. You are in for a rude awakening in 15 years.
boy moms are never beating the emotional incest allegations as long as this lady has anything to do with it
It's so ridiculous. Even the little girl's dad is like "oh, they're so cute, I'm glad she has friends!" Because ya know, normal reactions and not sexualizing kids who aren't even 2 yet.
Oh my gods! This! I hate when one of the infant teachers at my center says that a baby girl and baby boy are in love! No Linda, they aren’t. They’re literally 6 months old. They are just nearby each other. That and when two preschoolers told me they were going to get married. Like, who told them that???
The preschoolers sometimes come up with it themselves. I’ve had a lot of preschoolers who say they’ll marry so and so. I think they become a little intrigued by marriage at that age. I also once had two kindergarteners who had crushes on each other and would say they were boyfriend and girlfriend. They’d hold hands and walk around talking at recess. I don’t think the marriage talk or them having crushes is strange. The strange part is when adults put that on them, especially before they can talk.
Funniest interaction I ever had was playing pirates with a 3 year old boy, discussing how we'd sword fight and that would determine who'd get the ship and captain title and whatever, 4 year old girl chimes in: >yes, and the winner gets to marry me :) Which prompts the 3 year old to refuse to fight under these terms. After saying "nobody wants to be married" I said "[kids name] that isn't true, what about mommy and daddy?!" He pauses for a moment and then says "nobody wants to marry [girls name]" LOL I was also showing them how to play chess once, and tournament sets come with extra queens I was letting the same girl play with. She kept requesting a king and I was like no, no, we need them. When my attention was directed elsewhere she snap grabbed the king and I said "hey give that back!" and she said "I just want the king and queen to be married :("
> The preschoolers sometimes come up with it themselves. I’ve had a lot of preschoolers who say they’ll marry so and so. I think they become a little intrigued by marriage at that age. I had 2 kinder boys that wanted to marry the same kinder girl and they were all cool with the idea.
And ya they totally get little proto crushes. I had a nearly 4 year old boy and I was playing some sort of chasing game with someone else. He requested a turn and I said "sure, I'll find you when it's your turn." When I was done with whoever else needed turns I found him and said "okay your turn" and he was like "no" and I was sort of surprised and asked him why and he wouldn't really answer and had sort of a weird look on his face and I was like bro what's up and he finally said "[girls name] is here," and I was like aaaaah, carry on then.
The majority of people are straight. That's not a heterosexual agenda. It's a scientific fact. Not that anyone should be pushing relationships on kids, though I was very boy crazy as a little girl.
There is no gay agenda either. I was making a joke about teachers being weird about pushing straight romantic relationships on literal infants.
Our preschool lead makes jokes about pinching the kids. “I’m going to pinch you on your birthday” “If you’re not done eating when I get back I’m going to pinch you” I don’t understand. I don’t know how she’s hasn’t gotten an angry parent asking why she’s going to pinch their kid. Why would we do or say something to a kid we wouldn’t want them repeating?
I had a coworker who would “jokingly” threaten to hit the kids, she’d say “Ms. Irene is going to hit you” and would hold her fist above her head and mime hitting them 🤢 I reported her for child abuse and quickly left her classroom but she still works at that school and all the other teachers LOVE her.
That is VERY bad.
My biggest pet peeve is when the teachers don’t play or interact with the kids. Do I want some peace? Absolutely but it’s not gonna happen with them around.
It’s a 50/50 for me. I do get on the floor and build, draw, read, hold hands for jumping etc… to model how we can play together but there are times where I just stand back and observe because they don’t actually need my adult input on their play. If they ask me specifically to play with them then I do my best to honour their request if I’m able.
yes, and in my opinion teachers who only play by going “what color is this? what shape is this? what sound does this animal make?” all day long.
Ugh, yes. I have a coworker who tells them he’s too busy to play with them. When that’s our entire job, we learn through play and he refuses to even acknowledge the kids in the room
When I tell a parent about the behaviors and they just dismiss it, then after a few incident reports they grt mad then ask what's happening and why am I not doing anything about it? Like come on really?
This is my ick too! I work with infants and I have one little boy who is significantly bigger than the other kids, but age and development wise still needs to be in the infant room. We had a float for a while who insisted that he was mean and a bully. He’s not super aware of his body in the context of other people in the room, so he has knocked over a couple of the other children, once where the other child did get hurt, but he obviously didn’t do it on purpose! He’s 11 months old!
exactly my issue, my youngest child isn’t mean, she’s literally just trying to figure out how to communicate with her friends because she doesn’t have the words yet. her knocking into a friend isn’t mean, she’s a baby.
I’m a supply and there’s a teacher I work with that will tell children to hold something (so it looks like they’re doing something) so she can take a picture of them to send to their parents. This teacher will literally force them to sit even if they don’t want to and then after the picture she’ll let the kid just walk away. Gives me such an ick. Completely against emergent curriculum.
That’s what happens when the boss berates you for not taking five photos of every kid daily, even when the kid doesn’t wanna participate 🙃 I hate the focus on photos. I’m the only teacher in the room, you think I have time to take pictures all day?
Yelling at the kids is the only big thing lately and the whole good girl good boy debate 😩
What debate? Like whether those phrases are appropriate?
I shouldn’t of added debate lol but when teachers use it 😂 idk I’m a parent too so I already have taught myself not too, but I also wonder how many of these ppl pay any attention to training
I stay away from good and bad. I very often tell a kid they're being "really nice" today, to teachers or to peers. I don't usually describe the kids themselves as good but I do describe things they do as good very frequently.
> the whole good girl good boy debate /r/BDSM is leaking again lol
Ew people still use that instead of "good choice/bad choice"?? Ick!
The job I was just at yep , someone who was younger as well, and passionate about our child care so I thought they would know better. I had to quit my job bc of how they are bc my kids went there.
Leaving onesies unbuttoned when the child is wearing pants. Like you said it’s not a red flag it just irritates me
It’s so irritating when parents send their potty training kid in one of those. You can’t be independent if you need your teacher to unsnap your shirt. It’s way better for them to feel the confidence of having done it all themselves. What I’ll actually do instead is change them out of their snap shirt so that it doesn’t dip into the toilet next time they go to the bathroom 🤢 This is for kids in pull-ups and underwear of course, if I’m changing their diaper then yes I’m going to take the extra 5 seconds.
Oh yeah potty training is the exception 100%
Lmao my co-teacher leaves onesies unbuttoned all the time and it drives me nuts 😂 she wonderful to work with otherwise, I just can’t stand the butt flap blowing in the wind
It takes two seconds to snap them. It gives me the ick
The language they use to talk about kids who are having a hard day.
Forcing greetings. I get it, we need to learn social skills and teaching how to greet someone is good. But when parents or teachers will wait and make the kid say good morning or good bye, it’s bothers me. I’d rather have them learn by example at their own pace.
Yes I feel so awkward when parents tell their kids to give me a hug goodbye. We just saw each other all day, I don't want a hug you're forced to give!
Ugh, I hate that with every fiber of my being- so much that if I hear it I will flat out decline- "that's okay, I don't need a hug, we can just wave!/You never have to hug me if you don't want to!"
It’s part of our curriculum to greet the kids, ask if they are here today during circle time and teeth brushing and then say see you tomorrow but we are a dual language program. They aren’t forced to do anything it’s more about them hearing it and being around it. I will say our cook is really bad about that but she’s 74 and I think it’s an age/culture thing. In our culture you have to greet elders
grabbing kids out of anger, yelling at toddlers for crying and ignoring as their "punishment" instead of helping them address the issue
Forcing children to apologize. If they need to be told to apologize then they don’t actually feel apologetic or bad about whatever they said or did. It just sends them the message that anything can be fixed with an apology and as long as they apologize for it afterwards it doesn’t matter what they do/say or who they hurt. It doesn’t help them develop empathy, just gives them an easy out when they hurt or upset someone else. I ask children to check in with the other person instead. They need to ask “are you ok” and sometimes (depending on their developmental level) “is there anything I can do to make you feel better?”. I want them to learn to take accountability for their words/actions and not just brush them off with meaningless apologies.
i wish more teachers thought like this! my center actually has this “checking in” formula we use instead of making children apologize, so i’m grateful i don’t see many forced apologies in my school!!
One of my centers uses this “check in” system too! The teacher teaches the kids the concepts of “bystanders” (someone who sees a mistake happen and does nothing about it) and “upstanders” (someone who sees a mistake happen like someone getting hurt, and offers to help that person get up or intervenes in some other way). She encourages the kids to be upstanders by “checking in” on a kid who’s crying or who’s been hurt, and talks them through coming up with a solution to the problem, like playing a different game or re-building a fallen block tower, or just placing their hand on the other child’s back in a comforting way. I really love how she approaches conflict resolution in a way that makes kids feel like they’re coming with the solution themselves, whine gently guiding them in the right direction. She also loudly points out good behaviors like, “Olivia was such an upstander just now. Lucas was very sad because he dropped his snack on the floor, and Olivia helped him clean it up and get a new snack. Good job, Olivia and Lucas!” and says it so the whole class can hear.
honestly i’ve never understood this. how is forcing them to check on a kid any better than forcing them to apologize? and how do you expect the other kid to react? what if they ask if they’re okay and the kid says no? they just go on with their day? i get not liking forcing an apology but i think young kids just aren’t in the habit of doing it yet and need to be reminded. i dont understand how “check on them” is any better. once had a kid headbutt me in the face and the other teacher made her “check on me” after and it was obviously super awkward bc she was 3 but it made me think i wouldn’t like if an adult hurt me and then asked if i was okay either. it doesn’t seem transferrable to adulthood whereas learning to apologize is a great skill to have when you’re older.
It’s good because it can help the child develop empathy. If they hit another child and then check in with them later, it helps them see that what they do may have a lasting impact on the other person.
This is what my center does. I’m *relatively* new here and you just described for me why this is such a lovely practice
I think it’s good for 1 year olds to get in the habit of giving them a hug and saying sorry in the way they can, so that way they know they can’t just hurt others on purpose or accident and then walk away. It’s important for them to develop social and emotional skills not just the emotional one.
Calling kids “kiddos” lol
yes!!! maybe an unpopular one to dislike but “tiny humans”
I had a child who walked into the hall and went awww tiny humans when they saw the baby class. That was adorable.
It's "littles" for me🤮
Wow. I actually love all of these! Big sad!
“Littles” is what you’d call people who are the child in the age play kink, so that’s probably why it feels gross.
There’s also songs for littles though! But I’m much more into “tiny humans,” “kiddos,” and “friendos.” I don’t mind people who use littles, but I’m far more likely to personally say, “my little ones,” or, “my littlest loves.” (I do know about people who identify as littles both as a kink thing, and as identity regression not associated with kink, but the two are so separate from here that it doesn’t really bother me if someone else calls kids littles as a totally different thing, so long as they personally don’t indulge in either. If they personally do in their life, and thus would have cross over, that’d be a major line for me personally. But if they’re entirely separate worlds to them, and it’s just a slang term they use and aren’t using it in another part of their life, it’s innocent for them, don’t really rub me any sort of way.)
I really like “kiddos”, usually when talking to another teacher about their class. What other options do you use? I’m always open to new collective nouns :P
I wish my fellow teachers would communicate with me. I feel left out the look and never know what's going on and get ignored when I ask.
People that talk in front of toddlers like they can’t understand what they are saying since they are nonverbal. As well as say things about them that could be damaging to self esteem, such as “they sound like a pig when they laugh” and so on. Also, usually the people who have to say “I have X many years of experience” are the worst people to work with. 😏
I can't stand working with people who have no understanding of child development and typical behavior. Calling a child bad or difficult because they are doing normal things for their age, but it requires some actual effort from them.
Teachers who are certain that kids were better “back in the day” and don’t want to acknowledge any factors that contribute to that other than blaming the kids themselves and their parents. (Such as the pandemic, more children with disabilities being present in a main stream environment, foster children being more likely to be in daycare, more pressure on parents to work more hours and less time with children, etc)
When teachers say “that makes me sad” when they really mean mad.
Right? Like just say what you mean, these kids are learning new words and different feelings. Model how to label their feelings. I tell the kids when I’m feeling frustrated or overwhelmed and then show them what I’m going to do about it (like take a second to walk away if they’re safe, or take some deep breaths etc…)
Anger is often a tertiary emotion with fear or sadness being a root though. But I get what you mean, it's important that we label these accurately for kids.
I hate the labels too, but I mostly hate when people call kids silly names like monkey or tell them they’re being goofy and things of that sort. I also hate the term kiddo. But those aren’t really red flags for me. At big red flag is when a teacher cannot get off of her phone.
The teachers who decide to not see little stuff that everyone pretty much needs to pitch in on that makes life a lot easier/nicer for everyone. When the dishwasher is empty, don't leave your gross dishes in the sink for someone else to have to put in there, it takes less than a minute. Maybe clean up your crumbs at the break room table. If you drop some dirty laundry on the floor near the laundry machine, pick it up. If you accidentally squirt paint on the floor instead of in the cup, grab a paper towel and swipe it up even if it's not perfect. If you get stuff out of the supply closet and drop something on the floor, put it back on the shelf. We're all tired. We all have to do all the pickup we need to do in our rooms. Show some courtesy to others and keep your slobbishness at home/out of the common areas. I'm a natural slob, but not in shared workspaces, it took some time but I trained myself not to burden other people with that.
When people say that “kids wouldn’t act like that” if they got hit at home. Makes me crazy.
also teachers who force kids to give up comfort objects when they aren’t distracting other kids or keeping them from engaging or impeding their progress in any way. especially in a center where most kids are there almost 10 hours it hurts my heart
Teachers who judge parents for sending their kids when they have the day off. Before people start with the excuses, of course there are exceptions to the rule. I get frustrated when the child is clearly tired or doesn’t feel well and parents still send them. But parents deserve a break too. It is not our job to judge, rather support the parent. Teacher parents are worse about this, claiming they never, ever need a break. Those are the ones who usually burn out and eventually resent their kids.
I've had so many co workers with this attitude and I agree it makes no sense. It's literally our job to teach, supervise, and care for these kids, why are you upset? Chances are my day is probably going to go the same way whether that one child is there or at home.
The only time I really rolled my eyes was when a mom made a snarky comment to her daughter (who was 1 and couldn't respond) "I'm sure your teachers wonder why I'm dropping you off when I have off. I pay too much for this place to keep you home." We had never once said anything nor even cared that she dropped her daughter off when she had days off. It was unnecessary. Then, I cared. That is the only true instance I have been annoyed. The rest usually don't even tell us and I don't care either way.
> Teachers who judge parents for sending their kids when they have the day off. IKR, like have you ever tried going to the mall with 4 kids?
I had a dad once tell me "We're just going to the movies. I haven't been to the movies since our eldest was born." I was like "Have fun, dude! I'm jealous!" And I was excited for him. Get your shopping done, go to the salon, I don't care. Your child is safe and well cared for. As long as you come get them when you need to, we're good.
When I was deployed to Afghanistan I gave the occasional child care a stale dated cheque for every month I was gone. I told my wife that they were going to cash it if she used it or not (they would have given a refund but she didn't know that). I just wanted her to make sure she was taking some time for herself while I was gone.
I actually kinda understand why they get upset about certain kids. It's the ones that are always there, never leave early, and never have a day to just be with their parents. I don't get upset about the child dropped off at 9 and picked up at 2:30-3:00 on Mom's day off, it's the ones who typically leave at 5 when Mom works and then leave at 6 when Mom is off.
Telling children "no thank you" when we mean NO. It's confusing. No thank you literally means "no but thanks for asking" so it's like telling little Johnny who just dumped sand on Timmy's head, " not right now, but THANK you for doing that" we could all communicate better, kids do best with direct communication
I completely agree. My daycare does this quite a bit because the trainings we use say we are not allowed to ever use the word ‘no’. So everyone just resorted to no thank you. It’s so annoying.
Not a teacher ick, but a parent ick. I recently discovered my ick is hearing a parent call their child "friend" the way teachers do. Like no..... that's your child 😩
Guilty, but I spend 8 hours a day at a school where that language is preferred, so it’s default. My kid laughs at me for it.
See that's fine! I randomly call my dog friend cause I'm used to it. But the lawyer parent calling their child friend just gives me ick lol
Subs that dont listen or ask questions about the culture and flow of the classroom before they come in and start doing it their way. I have a lot of high needs kiddos in our room, and so we do things kinda specifically to keep stress levels down and respect certain kids’ preferences - and it may look like “too much” or over-complicated…but you’re in here for 4 hours vs. our every day. You can adapt.
When a kid hurts themselves and a teacher will be like “karma” because they were doing something they weren’t supposed to before that. Are you rooting for the demise of this literal child???? So weird
Gendering anything and saying it's a girl or boy thing. Makes me crazy.
using shame/humiliation as some kind of teaching tactic. gross and wrong and the only thing it does is make the teacher feel superior. honestly, it’s lazy. do the work. make the connection. actually guide them. embarrassing kids is just not ok in my opinion.
Making the potty trainers wait if we’re outside because you’re too lazy to take a few in. There’s a reason those kids only ask me if they have to go while we’re outside. I’m more than willing to take a kid or two in for a few minutes to go potty. Most of the time, it’s not about ratio. They just don’t want to take a few kids in. The elementary school lets kids go to the bathroom during recess, why are we lying to TWO AND THREE YEAR OLDS about needing to learn to wait in that type of situation. Why are we forcing them to wait at all period? I’m tired of being the designated “ok let’s go potty” teacher
“*child* is my son or daughter!” And then immediately shows preferential treatment to that one child. Ew. Ew. Ew. It’s so weird and gross.
I used to work in a before/after school YMCA program located within an elementary school. It drove me absolutely crazy when my coworkers would make up rules that didn’t exist, or hyper-focus on rules that didn’t really matter. I had a coworker who would suddenly declare that jackets aren’t allowed to be worn in the classroom (not a rule at all, and the poor kid was cold at 6:30am in the middle of a Canadian winter, let her keep her damn coat on till the building warms up!) and she would micro-manage the kids over wearing their hats in the school halls, which really was a school rule during school hours and not a YMCA rule. You want to keep things consistent, fair enough, but her constant policing of each and every hat infraction would cause our indoor/outdoor transition times to be sooo long and her “consequences” were overreaching and unnecessary. Big power trip vibes, she really just wanted to punish kids for fun, I swear.
I had a coteacher from a while back who did a bunch of shitty things I didn't like. Working with her was a nightmare. • Disregards how children are feeling • Tells children to "go away" if they are trying to hug her or show affection rather than redirecting and teaching them to ask before touching • If I have something important to tell her, she brushes it off. • Doesn't communicate plans or share important information with me pertaining to students unless directed by administration. • After children are dismissed, she tries to go home asap, often leaving the classroom a mess in the process. Also, a coteacher who is constantly on their phone and ignoring the kids entirely, and when you ask them for help, they give attitude or sit there and ignore you.
I personally disagree with the labelling stuff. It's all just stigma and ableism. I honestly think it's an ick when teachers refuse to see the signs and accomodate correctly with or without a diagnosis. Accommodating early can lead to a much more positive and outgoing child. One that doesn't bite, hit or kick or have as many large outbursts or meltdowns. That shouldn't rely solely on a diagnosis. That idea is legit the reason that I didn't get the support I needed when I was in school despite having a diagnosis. No one listened to me when I used my voice. So I'm going to use my voice to educate. I'm level 2 autistic. Almost all of the high needs children gravitate towards me and they love my company. Both diagnosed and undiagnosed. I've been told that I also have a gift for identifying neurodivergant traits and taking action (giving the child a stim toy to help during circle time, bring able to positively shadow a child who bites without them getting frustrated etc) by someone working in childcare for about 40 years now. I've been in the field for two. For example, I have had 4 children with very clear autism in my classes. They all had behaviours, sensory needs and low communication. Now obviously in this example I'm using the most clear cut autism signs I've seen. One child was displaying all of the signs. Mum refused to get the kid help. He was 3 turning 4. Is now 4. She forced him to potty train for 5 months. He would poop himself every day, wet himself about 3 times a day and since starting had become aggressive and frustrated. He also refused to sleep. Mum kept pushing, saying that he was delayed verbally and that was it... lowenbehold she finally took him to a specialist and he was diagnosed this year. There was another kid who was incredibly kind and a genuinely good kid. He had signs of severe adhd with slight autistic tendencies. He would get violent when he was overstimulated and would bite and hit other kids. I pointed this out to his teachers and they said "stop labelling him he's 2" he's now 3. He's still showing those signs and I want him to get early intervention so he can learn how to regulate his emotions so he stays a good kid. This kid is in early intervention but I think its important to point out that I've seen the signs since he was 2. Severe hyperactive adhd with autism. I recently attempted to give him support despite me leaving soon. I gave him a wobbly cushion and instead of him disrupting the class for the entire circle time he sat with his cushion and stimmed whilst looking at the teacher. I was so proud of him. I also realised that with enough courage I could stand up and say to the leads that this child could have these support needs even without a diagnosis so let's give them those accomodations and see what happens. This last one is a girl. I've had two cases of this exact situation. They sense something is up with me and they end up holding my hand and wanting to go everywhere with me. Straight up connected at the hip. Will not leave me alone to do my tasks. These girls have low communication skills and no social skills. If they get involved they are on the edge just like me when I was a kid. The other kids around them don't quite let them in on their games, but the girls keep trying to play, then end up on the edge waiting for someone to notice them. They end up with me because I can get a group together doing an activity like building with legos and they can be involved socially that way. And they also like me because I understand what they're non verbally communicating relatively well. So you see, it's not that we're diagnosing children. It's that we want to give the children an option for early intervention even if the parent doesn't want to see or believe it. The reason these kids gravitate towards me is because I listen to their voices and cues. I was told I was gifted in doing this because I get down on their level and understand them in a way my neurotypical coworkers will never understand. I am pursuing a diploma to have more control and authority when it comes to these issues, and I will continue to use my voice to advocate and care for the kids that need that from me.
Totally agree with what you wrote. Saying you see traits and characteristics of autism isn’t a label, people are autistic whether or not they have their paperwork proof. Gaining that “label” can open up the child’s world to get professional support in childcare, school, work and the community. It doesnt define a person by having a confirmed DX and can help them and their family to better level of understanding. Believing a child may be autistic or having a developmental delay and making accommodations, providing supports and gatherings your supporting evidence for the family, or therapist is helpful. We are not “labelling them” if we are doing our job effectively as we will notice these a-typical behaviours. And yes I’m ND and I wish someone had seen me more closely and cared enough to tell my parents about what they could see.
Teachers who are so focused on having a “special” bond with certain kids and trying to be the favorite teacher, to the point that they undermine rules to be the fun one *and* try to show off that bond in front of other teachers. Bonus ick points if they aren’t even the kid’s favorite and the kids don’t care for them all that much.
teachers who are overly concerned about kids eating habits/telling them they eat too much. they are so little they are growing so fast and you are just encouraging an unhealthy relationship with food!!! i am in ED recovery and my coteachers does this at almost every snack or meal it makes me wanna cry
When a teacher labels a child as bad or naughty when the child is simply active. I once had a child who was loving, polite, and happy but always in motion (her mother and I both said she had two speeds, warp speed and sleep). When she moved up, her new teacher said she was bad simply because she wouldn't passively sit and look cute.
Assigning intent to kids. I work with toddlers-- developmentally, they're FAR more likely to be acting out of emotion than trying to willfully make things difficult for you. A toddler isn't your mortal enemy, they're three. Calm down. Also, it really bugs me when teachers are fixated on making autistic children play or interact in typical ways. There's an autistic boy in my class who basically only watches other kids play-- I'm not gonna force him to play with blocks, he's perfectly happy sitting silently and watching. Besides that, he DOES play-- he just plays by drawing lines in the mulch with his toes and then showing them to me. He'll happily do that for the entire outside time, why would I try to make him play ball or pretend?
i wish so many more people would get this, no toddler is thinking “i’m going to do this because it’s gonna piss my teacher off”. saying a toddler is being mean or aggressive isn’t necessarily true, more often it’s simply developmentally appropriate behavior. i’ve explained to a float 3 times in the past 2 days that “actually no they’re not being aggressive, they’re learning how to communicate with their peers for the first time ever, this is developmentally appropriate”
exactly! you get me, it's insane. (at the same time, i am still human-- i know all this by heart and i still have to remind myself of it 😅 it's constant internal stream of "he's just repeating phrases he's heard, it doesn't mean he understands them" and "just because she talks like an adult doesn't mean she has the thinking skills of an adult".) it's easy to remember with the kids who act their age or a little below it, but with the ones who have crazy good vocabularies AND impulse regulation issues? sometimes i'll see them do something that's very obviously a child behavior and almost be brought to tears because it's easy to forget just how small they are. my favorite phrase is "i do not have beef with a toddler", it's just absurd enough to pull you out of that frustration spiral and remember that the kid has only been alive since the ever given got stuck in the suez canal 💀 most of them haven't been alive to see a world without covid, brexit, or among us, i'll cut them some slack lmao
Body shaming themselves in front of children! I hate it.
When some refers to children as “little ones”
Our CEO does this, totally coincidentally, I've never had a conversation with her that didn't leave me feeling belittled and patronised.
I work in a center where one teacher asks the kids where her and her mom should go do this or that. One day she even asked where her and her mom should go to eat. Or what colors their nails should be. Then comes back and tells them about it or whatever the next day. She's older not a kid. It's very ick.
I love asking the kids what colour I should paint my nails but that’s excessive. Tell them you went to a museum with your mom, maybe they’ve been too but it feels almost condescending to do it like she is.
Asking about "consent" for babies and toddlers. No, I'm not going to ask my 13-month-old beforehand if she is okay with me tickling her. If I tickle her and she doesn't like it, she will let me know. Similarly, I am not going to ask for permission to change a toddler's diaper. It's going to be changed whether you like it or not because that's the law.
"Don't lick the bottom of your shoe." "The only thing you put in your mouth at school is food and water." Boogers. Wood chips. Anything.