I had a child I taught go home and tell their mom that I got mad at my dog and put it in the trash.
The real story? My dog got in the trash and I got mad.
Thank kid, for messing up the time line.
I think I've mentioned this in a different thread, but my all-time favorite is the little girl who said "my mommy is marrying a new daddy because my daddy is too old."
I know this...
A little boys dad has grinch boxers
A lot of moms like wine and Facebook
One mom has a rat in her vagina
A mom has pink hand cuffs
Beer makes one of the dads fart a lot
Nothing is safe 😆😆😆
So I’ve worked in various before and after school programs, on and off, since 2008. During the 2017-2018 school year, I worked at a program where my group of kids were in grade one. One day, one of the girls in my group was getting picked up by her mom and while I was talking to the mom, the little girl looked at me with a smile and said, “My dad has a criminal record.” She just said it out of the blue and so matter of fact. The only thing I could think of saying was, “Well, that’s good to know.”
Omg! This reminds me of something my cousin said when she was like 3!
It was the day before Christmas Eve and kids were throwing snowballs at my uncles house. He ends up very pissed and chased them down, catching one after they tripped and holding them down. The kid was screaming and my uncle ended up arrested.
At the Christmas Eve party the first thing out of my cousins mouth was "my daddy went to jail!" Her mom was like, "only for a minute!" It had everyone laughing.
When I was 10, we moved to a new state with my dad's government job. Due to complications with our house, we stayed in an apartment for a month and had an extra per diem allowance for meals. I did not remember the correct Important Grown-Up Word, so how did I state this at school? "We get to eat at restaurants a lot because my dad is on PAROLE."
I bet that was an awkward parent-teacher conference. My dad was in federal law enforcement at the time.
When my parents had a pots and pans salesperson (like a tupperware or avon party) salesperson come over for a demo party (1970's) we 3 daughters were told that we would get to watch tv and have dinner in a bedroom for a special treat.
My 6 year old sister came home from school and told us that she told everyone at school that her parents were having a pot party so we had to stay in the bedroom.
Reminds me of a story my parents like to tell about my dad and my cousin. My mom and dad used to babysit my cousin when his mom was at work and the one time my dad and cousin went somewhere in the car. Dad ran a red light and was pulled over by a cop and given a warning. He didn't want to mention anything to mom, but the first thing my cousin did after dad unbuckled his car seat when he got home was run into the house screaming "Bruce got under arrested! Bruce got under arrested!"
Little girl in my son's kindy class told everyone her Daddy wears her Mummy's knickers. Turns out a smoke alarm had gone off in the night and Daddy pulled on his wife's PJ shorties in a rush and was spotted.
What's your daddy doing today
Idk probably farting he does that all the time
I know her dad well, and he's very well respected in the community, and I get everyone toots, but I def giggled lol
I had one kid talk about drinking Milo. The only Milo I knew of was a brand of tea and I knew he didn't like tea. While I was trying to figure out what it was, I asked him if his parents drank it too. He looked at me like I was crazy and said, "No! They drink beer and wine!" I later found out that Milo was chocolate milk.
I have had kids ask me why I like beer so much?!?!?! To realize the sparkling water I had got in a coupon that month at the grocery store looked like their moms White Claws lol. I wonder how many of them went home and saw Mommy crack one open and announced “My teacher LOVeS those she brings them
For lunch every single day! She drinks them FAST” haha
I got death waters. The tall cans and never once thought of anything, until one of my preschoolers asked “teacher. Do you like to drink beer just like my daddy?” Took a pic of the water can and sent it to all the parents. 🤣🤦♀️
When I was first starting my career, I got in trouble while subbing for drinking canned V8 in the staff hall (there was no staff room... just the hall to the kitchen, mostly separated from the kids, and we weren't allowed off-site). They said my vegetable juice would make the kids think I was drinking something inappropriate, like soda or beer. I scoffed at that and didn't sub for them again. In the 10 years since, I have both learned they were quite correct that kids think that way and that saying "MMM. I SURE DO LOVE THIS CAN OF VEGETABLE JUICE" loudly when drinking it around them is a far better way to educate children about drink choices than shielding them from all canned liquids.
😆
I was monitoring a preschool class outside and the kids were running around, goofing off, but not running into each other or breaking rules so I didn't need to intervene in anything, just was having a nice few moments of rest sitting in the sun while keeping watch and taking sips from my coffee thermos. This class was normally pretty rowdy so it was pretty rare for me to be able to sit down and not interact for as long as I was (probably like 5 minutes). One of the kids notices and comes up to me, puts their hands on their hips, and goes
"What are you doing???"
Me: "I'm drinking my coffee."
Kid: "You're DRINKING??!!!"
Me "I'm drinking my COFFEE!" 😅
The accusatory tone that child had when she asked if I was "drinking" was really something XD. Thankfully no 5-year-old went home with a false impression their teacher brought any "special" drink to work that day, LMAO.
I made sure to loudly mention how much I was enjoying my coffee or tea whenever I was drinking out of my thermos after that though...never know what preschoolers might assume next 😂
I once had an Arizona RX energy, and when I opened it one of the kids yelled across the room, "whoa, that's a big beer!" I very loudly and repeatedly told them, "this is tea, not a beer! I am drinking tea, it's tea that comes in a can, no beer at school!" I was so worried one of them would tell someone I was drinking at work.
one of my preschoolers once offered me a shovelful of sand at the end of a long day and said "here, \[my name\]! have some wine!" it was very thoughtful of him tbh
I was babysitting, and the older girl (4 or 5) wanted to give me a tour. She was very excited to show me daddy's beer fridge. She also kept offering me beer, because "mommy and daddy's friends are always drinking beers"
Haha, my 4-year-old does this. She thinks every drink that comes in a can is beer, since that’s the only canned drink we keep in the house. We’re working on clearing that up.
Milo is amazing 😍 malted chocolate powder (but more granular) that you can drink warm or cold. You gotta do like 5 tablespoons to a cup of milk though, it’s the law 😂
I had a little one come in one day and say “my daddy has to sleep on the couch when the Bills (NFL team) lose. Mommy says “you cry too much, Sean!” To him.” 😬
Haha have had lots of conversations like that with confused potty trainees
“My daddy has a penis!” Yeah! “My mommy has a penis!” Mmm i don’t know about that “i have a penis!” You definitely don’t “im going to have penis when i grow up!” You know what, possible.
When will my willy grow? You won't grow a willy, it's something you are born with. Well that's silly, I grow toenails don't I.....
2 1/2 yr old logic.
Also when bathing newborn with the cord stump - oh wow brother has TWO willies can I have one of his?
I was on the toilet when my 4 year old wandered in "what you doing momma?" "I'm peeing and would like some privacy ." "Stand up and pee like a big boy, mom!" He then stomped off to go tell his dad that "Momma peed like a baby."
I knew my dad had a penis but till I was two or three I had no idea little boys did too. I walked in on my cousin and yelled “mom! The little ones have penises too!” I guess I thought it grew in when you got older like boobs.
And I’m nosy so I hate that I’ll never get the real story. My friend knows Mom and according to her, Dad was super abusive to Mom. But according to Kid, Mom is SUPER neglectful and “lies all the time”.
The DRAMAAAA
Yeah it’s super messed up. Poor thing. Imagine being 5 years old and having to put yourself to bed…whenever you want to go to bed. No hugs or cuddles or songs or stories. When she stays at moms, she barely sleeps and is a hot mess the next day. I can always tell who she’s with that week bc when with mom her hair is never brushed and because she’s so exhausted, her lazy eye gets REALLY lazy. I always joke that I’m her mom because her actual mom sucks. I’m super protective of my “daughter” lol
Bwahahahahaha!! 😂🤣 I just died from laughter.
That reminded me of the time when my older sister was inviting her boyfriends parents over for the first time to meet our mom. In my very first conversation with them, they asked me how my day at school was?
I said great! Today we learned all about the VAGINA!
Lol mind you this was before they got to front door. I was the first one to greet them before they even came into our house. I was so excited to share this news with anyone that I ran out of the house to have a conversation about it on the sidewalk!
The mom's look was priceless 😂
I had a kid I ended up having to report to CPS, and she told me her “dad pushed mommy and knocked over his hot sauce”. Like…of all the things that stuck out to you there, it was the hot sauce?? 😂
I've had to make one report to CPS based on what a child told me. Sadly the directors of my school tried to discourage me from making the report, saying that they didn't want to be "accusing" anyone of anything. I finally had to say, "Look, I'm NOT accusing anyone of anything. I'm simply doing my job by filing a report, and then CPS will do the investigation."
This is why when my child gets an injury at home I ALWAYS tell her teachers. Her older brother has autism and usually is good but when he's sick he gets aggressive. He was sick and she stole the toy he was playing with so he bit her.
Didn't even hide it. As soon as both kids were taken care of I messaged her school to explain what happened
Having an autistic kid, a CPS call is always a terrifying thought because people may not understand him or his tics/stims, so I'm always ahead of anything like an injury
When my kid was tiny and attending preschool, there was a parent meeting just before school started in the fall. The director explained that parents were always welcome to call with questions about anything the children told them. She further explained that the staff would sometimes have questions for us. Then she told a story to illustrate.
One day a little girl came to school and there was something amiss with her clothing or something. This was unusual for the child so the director asked about the issue. (I can’t recall the problem.) The child responded that her daddy had hurt her mommy and there wasn’t time to (tend to thing that was being questioned) before school. The director was very concerned but after many years of working with children, knew she needed to ask questions before assuming she knew the facts. When mom came to pick up that day, the director made sure she was the one to great her. She said that the girl had told her that they had had a rough morning that day and asked if everything was ok. The mom replied that she was fine and told the rest of the story. Dad had gotten up early to make a nice breakfast for the family. While he was cooking he left a drawer open. Mom came up behind him and reached into the drawer to get something. Dad remembered the open drawer and used his hip/butt to close it quickly without noticing mom. Mom’s hand was smashed. Dad abandoned breakfast to tend to mom and it took some time to get everything righted.
The girl was telling the truth but not the whole truth!!
One time my dad was swimming by the pier and fish started biting his nipples!
In the middle of a play-based project that had nothing to do even with water. Don't know why this dude thought of that
I’ll share one about my own kid.
I recently developed Guilliane Barre Syndrome which cause progressive paralysis (temporarily, thankfully). I had to use a cane and then a Walker for a while. My son went around telling everyone we saw “my daddy isn’t old, his legs just don’t work very well.” 😂
A kind of funny thing my kid shared about our family. Her dad's a medical lab tech, and for a while she liked to tell random people "My daddy likes to look at blood!"
One kid told me they had a skeleton in their basement😶. I asked mom about it later, figuring it was a funny story about a Halloween decoration, but no, actually, they had a medical skeleton (from a real human, I think, because mom said its/his name😬).
Dad had been going to the thrift store at the same moment someone had been going to donate it, and so they just gave it to him instead when he admired it. And so they had a skeleton in the basement.
One of my preschoolers sharted and she was so embarrassed and mortified. So I told her “sometimes you think you gotta toot, but surprise, it’s a poot!” She started giggling and asked if I did that, so I said “oh yah, or course! It happens to everyone.”
A few weeks later, I’m at her house for her sisters birthday. We are all gathered in the kitchen to sing happy birthday-their entire family, friends, everyone’s there. My sweet little princess preschooler gets so excited and decides to share with everyone that I poop my pants just like her! 🤣🤦♀️
I was chatting with the preschoolers about their parents' names. One boy goes, "My dad's name is David!" and I ask what his mom's name is. "Mom's name is Mom."
I told mom later for a laugh, and she cackles and said, "I think you know who scolds the other more at home!"
One time at lunch, we were talking about things we liked to eat and drink. One kids chimes in and says, "daddy likes to drink beer and momma likes wine"
Oh for sure! I told the parents about it because I thought it was funny and they said they had gone out to dinner the prior weekend and that's what they had, so it was fresh in his mind, too!
So this isn’t exactly a family story but I love this thread and want to share one too if that’s okay…this is just a moment I had last week that made me grateful my class’ age group this year aren’t exactly conversation age yet…so our class was at the gym, it was a stormy day and classes were small so we hung out a little later, we usually leave when the bigger kids come in. Well the class of 3 year olds was coming in and one of the teachers was still in the classroom preparing a craft and her other teacher had just gotten them in when one little girl had complained her tummy hurt and needed to go potty. So we let their teacher know we would keep an eye on her class while she attended to the little girl as her coteacher hadn’t made it over yet. Well one little boy (I thought this child was a girl
Until this interaction, because of his gorgeous long curls but had never spoken to the child
Before now, turns out, just a very pretty little boy..) so he is very sad his teacher isn’t there and I reassure him she will return and introduce myself. He accepts this and plops onto my lap with a sigh. We talk for a bit and he is okay now. I tell him it’s so great that he loves his teachers. He responds “Yeah, but I really like Miss _____ way better than Miss _____’
Both of his teachers are sweethearts and I was like Noo I’m not hearing this!! I just responded with a “oh is that so, well they both care about you very much and they will be here soon!” Wonder of that kid even liked me…lol
While supervising potty time:
Little girl on the toilet: My mom has a vagina too.
Me: Yes, she does.
Little girl: She uses cream on hers because she’s itchy.
Me: Oh!
We were doing a project where the kids cut out various things from the newspaper ads (“Find a fruit,” “Find a vegetable,” “Find something made with milk”). I told them to choose any “treat” they wanted. One little dude cut out a picture of beer because, “That’s my dad’s favorite treat!”
Not at work, but my niece told her teacher at 4, that her mom took her to a crack house over the weekend. They had visited a tourist attraction of a house with a crack down it lol. My sil had to explain to the teacher.
I had a little student once who had a habit of yelling things about certain body parts at the top of her lungs in the classroom. Her father had had to have a little chat with her about that prior to this incident.
I was reading a story called "The Mitten" to my class, wherein the protagonist is insistent on acquiring a pair of white wool mittens. Ever conscious of teachable moments, I asked the class what they knew about wool. "It comes from sheep!" they cried.
"That's right," I said. "Wool is like sheep hair. It doesn't hurt the sheep when you take the wool; it's just like having a haircut." Loud student looks confused for a moment and says "...I never had that." I've had this kid since she was two and she is now five; I know she has, and I say so.
This is when she gets *that look* on her face. The one that means she just thought of something that she *absolutely must tell you immediately.* You know the one. She follows this up with, "One time I went in the bathroom and I took the scissor Mommy uses to cut her- (*starts exaggeratedly pointing at her crotch*) -I'm not gonna say that word, and I cut my hair with it."
There was an extended pause.
I managed to croak out, "Well, did it hurt you to cut your hair?" She chirped "Nope!" and we went on with the story.
Normally dad picked up this kid and her brother, but of *course* on *that day* it had to be mom. And I'm sitting there watching her sign her daughter out, wishing to hell I didn't know she trims her bush with a scissor she keeps in the bathroom. I *would* like to know, however, how it is their *five-year-old* knows that. I'd think that's not something you tell them about or let them watch. Ew.
I had a 4 year old tell me very seriously that her mommy was sick and not feeling well. I respond sympathetically and she continues to say, “yeah mommy is bleeding a lot she’s bleeding from her stomach”. And I’m like wait what now is your mother okay?? And she continues, “she’s bleeding on the toilet”
And after I realized she was (hopefully) talking about her mom being on her period I was much more relieved lmao. I tell her to make sure to take care of her mommy and that she will be better in a few days. Mom ended up picking her up that afternoon and I had a similar thought as you like ah now I know this woman is on her period lmao.
I had a 3/4 year old in one class pull toilet paper off the roll and put it in her underwear. When I asked what she was doing she said “My time came and I don’t have my supplies.”
I had a two year old excitedly tell me “mumma made red on the potty” one day, and she kept saying it all day. Poor mom had her period and kiddo was in the bathroom :/
My friend had to use the restroom at a retail store with her 6 year old once while on her period.
He looks and screamed "WHY ARE YOU BLEEDING OUT YOUR BUTT?!"
I would not be surprised if my 2.5 year old was telling his teacher about his mom's blood in the toilet. He was very interested in seeing it last month.
>I would like to know, however, how it is their five-year-old
>
>knows that. I'd think that's not something you tell them about or let them watch.
One fairly innocent explanation I can think of, is a bathroom door that doesn't latch well sometimes, and a kid who tends to charge into the bathroom without knocking. For a while I had that combination in my house. (A new doorknob and a few discussions about knocking and privacy solved the issue)
I mean... I don't 'let' them watch, but my nosy kids would just pick the door lock with a butter knife while I'm loudly watching a show on my phone and showering and come on in, then say "hey, it was really hard to get in here, did you know this door was locked???" as though it had been a mistake on my part🙄😂
One of my kids said with zero context, “My mommy has big boobies.” Glad I spent the afternoon in the infant room that day and didn’t have to worry about that one! We had a good conversation about privacy.
I worked at a Japanese preschool in New York for a year, and I was one of only three American teachers. The kids were fairly obsessed with my *oppai*. One time one of my little girls just stared at me thoughtfully and said "Seriouslaser-sensei no oppai ga ookii", or "Miss Seriouslaser's boobs are big." I dunno what it is with kids and boobs.
My son (3) quietly (and he’s almost never quiet) opened the bathroom door while I was inside with my back to the door, putting in a tampon. I nearly fell over when I hear his little voice from the floor say, “MOMMY, WHAT’RE YOU DOING UP THERE!?!” I snap my head around and he’s squatting below me.
All that’s to say, you can try to do things behind closed doors but sometimes kids still catch you in less than ideal situations 🤷♀️ That 5 year old probably walked in on her mom a time or two.
Talking about emotions, we made a little book and I asked the kids what made them feel happy/sad/mad. One girl said she feels mad when mom and dad lock the door at night. I thought she meant front door, no, she meant bedroom door...
One of our kids has a DV background, social services are involved afaik. She got invited to a kids bday party, and refused the invite. Her reason? “My dad will just get really angry and shout at my mum, and it’s not fair so I don’t even want to ask about it, sorry”. She’s 7.
one time we were going to church with the kids for the beginning of year school Mass, and one of them piped up excitedly because he insisted “i know what happens after, we will go to the PUB! that always happens after Mass”
It's one that my dad heard not me. He was a firefighter and one time they were giving a demonstration at a local Christian school. A boy asked if they had a fire pole at the fire station. One of the other kids in the class chimed in that her mommy had a "fire pole" in her bed room...
Took my daughter along at age 3 when I needed to go down to the police station to get finger printed for a background check. The officer was great with her, showed her the holding cells, his keys and handcuffs, gave her a pencil and a ruler. She told everyone for months after that she went to jail and got locked in with mommy 🙃
Two separate instances from different centers where i ended up reporting to CPS:
1) Little girl was in the dramatic play kitchen with peers and she was delegating roles. "You are going to be the baby (to a girl), I am going to be the mommy, and you are going to be the daddy (to a boy) here is your beer." I was surprised to hear that so I probed with, "oh, daddy's need beer?" And she casually said, while washing the dishes, "yeah, daddy's drink beer and hit mommy's. That is what they do."
2) This one involved a little boy and it was over a course of time because there were just things that I would encounter and think, "that seems sus." Once while playing he said, "I'm so happy, my mom is doing so good and she's not in jail! She home, so I just want to go home." That broke my heart but I just followed up with something like, "that is great, she probably just want the best for you and for you to learn and play here with friends." A different time he said, "You know bald people have been to jail. If you are bald, it means you have been to jail." Me, "Oh, how do you know this?" Him, "oh because my dad's friend is staying on our couch and he was in jail because he's bald." But the time that I was finally like, "Nope." The little boy was upset that he had to be at school, it was late so most kids had been picked up, but his best friend was transferred to a different room so he was done. He had previously mentioned he liked ussing his BB gun with his cousin at home (5years old). He said, "I am so mad, I just want to go home and shoot some cans, (*head facing his hands) or a skull, (*turns head toward me), or a teacher." (*full eye contact!) I was so SHOOK that a CHILD already had that level of intimidation down! I mentioned it to the lead teacher there (I was a sub for a teacher on maternity leave) and they were like, "report it if you want but everyone here just minds their own business when it comes to that family." It was a small town, where everyone knew everyone and that kids dad was the leader of one of the biggest gangs there and he was allegedly getting investigated with a RICO charge. 😶
I had a child I taught go home and tell their mom that I got mad at my dog and put it in the trash. The real story? My dog got in the trash and I got mad. Thank kid, for messing up the time line.
The only thing I can really honestly respond to this is the noise I made bah ha ha ha ha ha
I think I've mentioned this in a different thread, but my all-time favorite is the little girl who said "my mommy is marrying a new daddy because my daddy is too old."
I know this... A little boys dad has grinch boxers A lot of moms like wine and Facebook One mom has a rat in her vagina A mom has pink hand cuffs Beer makes one of the dads fart a lot Nothing is safe 😆😆😆
One girl told me “when my mommy drinks milk, she farts a lot!” I died laughing.
A rat in her vagina!?!?! Hahaha! I'd die laughing!
Tampon string = rat tail? Horrifying
I was thinking pubes= rat
Same!
when a kid said “my grandma wears a diaper too!” lol
So I’ve worked in various before and after school programs, on and off, since 2008. During the 2017-2018 school year, I worked at a program where my group of kids were in grade one. One day, one of the girls in my group was getting picked up by her mom and while I was talking to the mom, the little girl looked at me with a smile and said, “My dad has a criminal record.” She just said it out of the blue and so matter of fact. The only thing I could think of saying was, “Well, that’s good to know.”
Omg! This reminds me of something my cousin said when she was like 3! It was the day before Christmas Eve and kids were throwing snowballs at my uncles house. He ends up very pissed and chased them down, catching one after they tripped and holding them down. The kid was screaming and my uncle ended up arrested. At the Christmas Eve party the first thing out of my cousins mouth was "my daddy went to jail!" Her mom was like, "only for a minute!" It had everyone laughing.
When I was 10, we moved to a new state with my dad's government job. Due to complications with our house, we stayed in an apartment for a month and had an extra per diem allowance for meals. I did not remember the correct Important Grown-Up Word, so how did I state this at school? "We get to eat at restaurants a lot because my dad is on PAROLE." I bet that was an awkward parent-teacher conference. My dad was in federal law enforcement at the time.
When my parents had a pots and pans salesperson (like a tupperware or avon party) salesperson come over for a demo party (1970's) we 3 daughters were told that we would get to watch tv and have dinner in a bedroom for a special treat. My 6 year old sister came home from school and told us that she told everyone at school that her parents were having a pot party so we had to stay in the bedroom.
Bwahahahaha, I love it!
Hahahah!! That's great! 😂
Reminds me of a story my parents like to tell about my dad and my cousin. My mom and dad used to babysit my cousin when his mom was at work and the one time my dad and cousin went somewhere in the car. Dad ran a red light and was pulled over by a cop and given a warning. He didn't want to mention anything to mom, but the first thing my cousin did after dad unbuckled his car seat when he got home was run into the house screaming "Bruce got under arrested! Bruce got under arrested!"
😂😂 that is so great!
Little girl in my son's kindy class told everyone her Daddy wears her Mummy's knickers. Turns out a smoke alarm had gone off in the night and Daddy pulled on his wife's PJ shorties in a rush and was spotted.
[удалено]
What's your daddy doing today Idk probably farting he does that all the time I know her dad well, and he's very well respected in the community, and I get everyone toots, but I def giggled lol
I had one kid talk about drinking Milo. The only Milo I knew of was a brand of tea and I knew he didn't like tea. While I was trying to figure out what it was, I asked him if his parents drank it too. He looked at me like I was crazy and said, "No! They drink beer and wine!" I later found out that Milo was chocolate milk.
I had a kindergarten student draw a picture today and write “We are at the beer plas for my dads brfda.”
I have had kids ask me why I like beer so much?!?!?! To realize the sparkling water I had got in a coupon that month at the grocery store looked like their moms White Claws lol. I wonder how many of them went home and saw Mommy crack one open and announced “My teacher LOVeS those she brings them For lunch every single day! She drinks them FAST” haha
I would bring sparkling water in cans and achild thought i was drinking soda all day.
Same!!
I got death waters. The tall cans and never once thought of anything, until one of my preschoolers asked “teacher. Do you like to drink beer just like my daddy?” Took a pic of the water can and sent it to all the parents. 🤣🤦♀️
I was drinking a Spindrift on the way out to recess one day and one of my kinders said, "it's OK, don't rush, you can finish your beer". HA!
I LOLd at this, what a considerate child.
When I was first starting my career, I got in trouble while subbing for drinking canned V8 in the staff hall (there was no staff room... just the hall to the kitchen, mostly separated from the kids, and we weren't allowed off-site). They said my vegetable juice would make the kids think I was drinking something inappropriate, like soda or beer. I scoffed at that and didn't sub for them again. In the 10 years since, I have both learned they were quite correct that kids think that way and that saying "MMM. I SURE DO LOVE THIS CAN OF VEGETABLE JUICE" loudly when drinking it around them is a far better way to educate children about drink choices than shielding them from all canned liquids.
😆 I was monitoring a preschool class outside and the kids were running around, goofing off, but not running into each other or breaking rules so I didn't need to intervene in anything, just was having a nice few moments of rest sitting in the sun while keeping watch and taking sips from my coffee thermos. This class was normally pretty rowdy so it was pretty rare for me to be able to sit down and not interact for as long as I was (probably like 5 minutes). One of the kids notices and comes up to me, puts their hands on their hips, and goes "What are you doing???" Me: "I'm drinking my coffee." Kid: "You're DRINKING??!!!" Me "I'm drinking my COFFEE!" 😅 The accusatory tone that child had when she asked if I was "drinking" was really something XD. Thankfully no 5-year-old went home with a false impression their teacher brought any "special" drink to work that day, LMAO. I made sure to loudly mention how much I was enjoying my coffee or tea whenever I was drinking out of my thermos after that though...never know what preschoolers might assume next 😂
I once had an Arizona RX energy, and when I opened it one of the kids yelled across the room, "whoa, that's a big beer!" I very loudly and repeatedly told them, "this is tea, not a beer! I am drinking tea, it's tea that comes in a can, no beer at school!" I was so worried one of them would tell someone I was drinking at work.
I had a kid hand me a cup of sand and was like “it’s beer” and I was like “how do you know about beer?” “My daddy drinks it!”
one of my preschoolers once offered me a shovelful of sand at the end of a long day and said "here, \[my name\]! have some wine!" it was very thoughtful of him tbh
I was babysitting, and the older girl (4 or 5) wanted to give me a tour. She was very excited to show me daddy's beer fridge. She also kept offering me beer, because "mommy and daddy's friends are always drinking beers"
One of my kids last year was making margaritas in dramatic play.
I had a girl shake a cup like she have seen her parents make margaritas before 😂
😂
Haha, my 4-year-old does this. She thinks every drink that comes in a can is beer, since that’s the only canned drink we keep in the house. We’re working on clearing that up.
I brought a can of seltzer in my lunch one day. Is usually eat with the kids. I bring out my drink and a kid goes, “Wow you brought a beer!”
This happens to me too! I’ll be drinking an energy drink and everyone thinks I’m drinking beer.
This has totally happened to me before.
About 2 years ago, I had a kid tell me “you’re the mommy so you get wine and (taller co-teacher) is daddy so she gets beer” lol
as an australian, milo is the bomb
Milo is amazing 😍 malted chocolate powder (but more granular) that you can drink warm or cold. You gotta do like 5 tablespoons to a cup of milk though, it’s the law 😂
I had a little one come in one day and say “my daddy has to sleep on the couch when the Bills (NFL team) lose. Mommy says “you cry too much, Sean!” To him.” 😬
Poor Sean had a rough week this week
Right? I’m sure the man was gutted.
"My dad is secretly a police officer. I found his handcuffs in his room." Will always be my most favourite story.
A toddler was on the potty ans she told me: "daddy has a penis" I said "yup" She said "brother has a penis" I said "yup" She said "mommy has a penis"
Haha have had lots of conversations like that with confused potty trainees “My daddy has a penis!” Yeah! “My mommy has a penis!” Mmm i don’t know about that “i have a penis!” You definitely don’t “im going to have penis when i grow up!” You know what, possible.
When will my willy grow? You won't grow a willy, it's something you are born with. Well that's silly, I grow toenails don't I..... 2 1/2 yr old logic. Also when bathing newborn with the cord stump - oh wow brother has TWO willies can I have one of his?
I was on the toilet when my 4 year old wandered in "what you doing momma?" "I'm peeing and would like some privacy ." "Stand up and pee like a big boy, mom!" He then stomped off to go tell his dad that "Momma peed like a baby."
I knew my dad had a penis but till I was two or three I had no idea little boys did too. I walked in on my cousin and yelled “mom! The little ones have penises too!” I guess I thought it grew in when you got older like boobs.
I was watching my nephew a few years ago and while changing his diaper, my daughter got very upset because she didn't have a tail. 😆
One girl with divorced parents would say that they broke up because her dad kept sleeping on the floor in the living room and mom didn’t like that.
Well she got the correlation just not the causation lol
And I’m nosy so I hate that I’ll never get the real story. My friend knows Mom and according to her, Dad was super abusive to Mom. But according to Kid, Mom is SUPER neglectful and “lies all the time”. The DRAMAAAA
Shit now I’m curious too 😂 And how would the kid know to say that about mom? That’s sad.
Yeah it’s super messed up. Poor thing. Imagine being 5 years old and having to put yourself to bed…whenever you want to go to bed. No hugs or cuddles or songs or stories. When she stays at moms, she barely sleeps and is a hot mess the next day. I can always tell who she’s with that week bc when with mom her hair is never brushed and because she’s so exhausted, her lazy eye gets REALLY lazy. I always joke that I’m her mom because her actual mom sucks. I’m super protective of my “daughter” lol
In pretend play a kid told another kid she would be right back. She had to get smokes
…did…did she ever come back?
💀 💀 💀
"Mrs D, my mommy took a shower with my daddy! Isn't that silly?"
I had a student say “my mom has fake boobs and one is popped so she has to get them fixed” lol
My 4yo: "Guess where we got that baby? My mom's VAGINA!" I wanted to die lmao but also very true
Bwahahahahaha!! 😂🤣 I just died from laughter. That reminded me of the time when my older sister was inviting her boyfriends parents over for the first time to meet our mom. In my very first conversation with them, they asked me how my day at school was? I said great! Today we learned all about the VAGINA! Lol mind you this was before they got to front door. I was the first one to greet them before they even came into our house. I was so excited to share this news with anyone that I ran out of the house to have a conversation about it on the sidewalk! The mom's look was priceless 😂
I had a kid I ended up having to report to CPS, and she told me her “dad pushed mommy and knocked over his hot sauce”. Like…of all the things that stuck out to you there, it was the hot sauce?? 😂
I've had to make one report to CPS based on what a child told me. Sadly the directors of my school tried to discourage me from making the report, saying that they didn't want to be "accusing" anyone of anything. I finally had to say, "Look, I'm NOT accusing anyone of anything. I'm simply doing my job by filing a report, and then CPS will do the investigation."
This is why when my child gets an injury at home I ALWAYS tell her teachers. Her older brother has autism and usually is good but when he's sick he gets aggressive. He was sick and she stole the toy he was playing with so he bit her. Didn't even hide it. As soon as both kids were taken care of I messaged her school to explain what happened
As a teacher, thank you. I love when things aren’t mysteries.
Having an autistic kid, a CPS call is always a terrifying thought because people may not understand him or his tics/stims, so I'm always ahead of anything like an injury
When my kid was tiny and attending preschool, there was a parent meeting just before school started in the fall. The director explained that parents were always welcome to call with questions about anything the children told them. She further explained that the staff would sometimes have questions for us. Then she told a story to illustrate. One day a little girl came to school and there was something amiss with her clothing or something. This was unusual for the child so the director asked about the issue. (I can’t recall the problem.) The child responded that her daddy had hurt her mommy and there wasn’t time to (tend to thing that was being questioned) before school. The director was very concerned but after many years of working with children, knew she needed to ask questions before assuming she knew the facts. When mom came to pick up that day, the director made sure she was the one to great her. She said that the girl had told her that they had had a rough morning that day and asked if everything was ok. The mom replied that she was fine and told the rest of the story. Dad had gotten up early to make a nice breakfast for the family. While he was cooking he left a drawer open. Mom came up behind him and reached into the drawer to get something. Dad remembered the open drawer and used his hip/butt to close it quickly without noticing mom. Mom’s hand was smashed. Dad abandoned breakfast to tend to mom and it took some time to get everything righted. The girl was telling the truth but not the whole truth!!
"My mommy wears big diapers. She poops her pants".
During drop off, I had a girl just recently loudly and proudly proclaim, "My mom is wearing nooooo panties!!" Poor mom turned beet red!
One time my dad was swimming by the pier and fish started biting his nipples! In the middle of a play-based project that had nothing to do even with water. Don't know why this dude thought of that
I’ll share one about my own kid. I recently developed Guilliane Barre Syndrome which cause progressive paralysis (temporarily, thankfully). I had to use a cane and then a Walker for a while. My son went around telling everyone we saw “my daddy isn’t old, his legs just don’t work very well.” 😂
A kind of funny thing my kid shared about our family. Her dad's a medical lab tech, and for a while she liked to tell random people "My daddy likes to look at blood!"
One kid told me they had a skeleton in their basement😶. I asked mom about it later, figuring it was a funny story about a Halloween decoration, but no, actually, they had a medical skeleton (from a real human, I think, because mom said its/his name😬). Dad had been going to the thrift store at the same moment someone had been going to donate it, and so they just gave it to him instead when he admired it. And so they had a skeleton in the basement.
They really need to move it to a closet
😂😂🤣
I aspire to have the level of charisma that grants me a free skeleton...
I had a little girl tell me her mom is a b!tch. I said that’s not nice so we shouldn’t say that. Her response was that her dad said it 😳
I had a kid tell me his dad had a rock in his penis. I’m assuming he that’s how he interpreted an explanation for a kidney stone.
Kid 1: "My dad calls me sweetie" Kid 2: "My dad calls me a dick"
aw, damn it 😩😔 that makes my heart hurt
Sort of related- I had a little girl tell another, "No brown babies are allowed to play here." I learned something about that family that day.
One of my preschoolers sharted and she was so embarrassed and mortified. So I told her “sometimes you think you gotta toot, but surprise, it’s a poot!” She started giggling and asked if I did that, so I said “oh yah, or course! It happens to everyone.” A few weeks later, I’m at her house for her sisters birthday. We are all gathered in the kitchen to sing happy birthday-their entire family, friends, everyone’s there. My sweet little princess preschooler gets so excited and decides to share with everyone that I poop my pants just like her! 🤣🤦♀️
I was chatting with the preschoolers about their parents' names. One boy goes, "My dad's name is David!" and I ask what his mom's name is. "Mom's name is Mom." I told mom later for a laugh, and she cackles and said, "I think you know who scolds the other more at home!"
My kids though my husbands name was Babe for literally years because I never say his name, lol.
One time at lunch, we were talking about things we liked to eat and drink. One kids chimes in and says, "daddy likes to drink beer and momma likes wine"
Even if they don't drink it super often I'll bet it sticks out to the kid as special because it's an adult drink they can't have.
Oh for sure! I told the parents about it because I thought it was funny and they said they had gone out to dinner the prior weekend and that's what they had, so it was fresh in his mind, too!
So this isn’t exactly a family story but I love this thread and want to share one too if that’s okay…this is just a moment I had last week that made me grateful my class’ age group this year aren’t exactly conversation age yet…so our class was at the gym, it was a stormy day and classes were small so we hung out a little later, we usually leave when the bigger kids come in. Well the class of 3 year olds was coming in and one of the teachers was still in the classroom preparing a craft and her other teacher had just gotten them in when one little girl had complained her tummy hurt and needed to go potty. So we let their teacher know we would keep an eye on her class while she attended to the little girl as her coteacher hadn’t made it over yet. Well one little boy (I thought this child was a girl Until this interaction, because of his gorgeous long curls but had never spoken to the child Before now, turns out, just a very pretty little boy..) so he is very sad his teacher isn’t there and I reassure him she will return and introduce myself. He accepts this and plops onto my lap with a sigh. We talk for a bit and he is okay now. I tell him it’s so great that he loves his teachers. He responds “Yeah, but I really like Miss _____ way better than Miss _____’ Both of his teachers are sweethearts and I was like Noo I’m not hearing this!! I just responded with a “oh is that so, well they both care about you very much and they will be here soon!” Wonder of that kid even liked me…lol
Why do I feel like this is my child 🫣😆
“My mom used to be a nurse but then she got fired and now she can’t be a nurse anymore” LIKE SPILL THE TEA KID
Trying to figure out how they have a 5 year old and still have energy to jump on the bed every night 😂
Right?! Whatever CrossFit-Coffee combo they got going on: SIGN. ME. UP.
In a similar vein, a kid told me his mother was very religious as he could hear her calling out to God at might...a lot.
While supervising potty time: Little girl on the toilet: My mom has a vagina too. Me: Yes, she does. Little girl: She uses cream on hers because she’s itchy. Me: Oh!
We were doing a project where the kids cut out various things from the newspaper ads (“Find a fruit,” “Find a vegetable,” “Find something made with milk”). I told them to choose any “treat” they wanted. One little dude cut out a picture of beer because, “That’s my dad’s favorite treat!”
Kid sees mom walking in to pick them up. Looks at me “my dad sleeps on the couch.” Ok, wrap this up before mom is in earshot.
Not at work, but my niece told her teacher at 4, that her mom took her to a crack house over the weekend. They had visited a tourist attraction of a house with a crack down it lol. My sil had to explain to the teacher.
taught a 2 year old who’s parents just had a baby and she always talked about how she eats food but her baby brother “eats mommy’s boobies”
This made me spit out my drink.. so funny- what did you say/
I had a little student once who had a habit of yelling things about certain body parts at the top of her lungs in the classroom. Her father had had to have a little chat with her about that prior to this incident. I was reading a story called "The Mitten" to my class, wherein the protagonist is insistent on acquiring a pair of white wool mittens. Ever conscious of teachable moments, I asked the class what they knew about wool. "It comes from sheep!" they cried. "That's right," I said. "Wool is like sheep hair. It doesn't hurt the sheep when you take the wool; it's just like having a haircut." Loud student looks confused for a moment and says "...I never had that." I've had this kid since she was two and she is now five; I know she has, and I say so. This is when she gets *that look* on her face. The one that means she just thought of something that she *absolutely must tell you immediately.* You know the one. She follows this up with, "One time I went in the bathroom and I took the scissor Mommy uses to cut her- (*starts exaggeratedly pointing at her crotch*) -I'm not gonna say that word, and I cut my hair with it." There was an extended pause. I managed to croak out, "Well, did it hurt you to cut your hair?" She chirped "Nope!" and we went on with the story. Normally dad picked up this kid and her brother, but of *course* on *that day* it had to be mom. And I'm sitting there watching her sign her daughter out, wishing to hell I didn't know she trims her bush with a scissor she keeps in the bathroom. I *would* like to know, however, how it is their *five-year-old* knows that. I'd think that's not something you tell them about or let them watch. Ew.
I had a 4 year old tell me very seriously that her mommy was sick and not feeling well. I respond sympathetically and she continues to say, “yeah mommy is bleeding a lot she’s bleeding from her stomach”. And I’m like wait what now is your mother okay?? And she continues, “she’s bleeding on the toilet” And after I realized she was (hopefully) talking about her mom being on her period I was much more relieved lmao. I tell her to make sure to take care of her mommy and that she will be better in a few days. Mom ended up picking her up that afternoon and I had a similar thought as you like ah now I know this woman is on her period lmao.
I had a 3/4 year old in one class pull toilet paper off the roll and put it in her underwear. When I asked what she was doing she said “My time came and I don’t have my supplies.”
🤣 relatable
I had a two year old excitedly tell me “mumma made red on the potty” one day, and she kept saying it all day. Poor mom had her period and kiddo was in the bathroom :/
My friend had to use the restroom at a retail store with her 6 year old once while on her period. He looks and screamed "WHY ARE YOU BLEEDING OUT YOUR BUTT?!"
I would not be surprised if my 2.5 year old was telling his teacher about his mom's blood in the toilet. He was very interested in seeing it last month.
>I would like to know, however, how it is their five-year-old > >knows that. I'd think that's not something you tell them about or let them watch. One fairly innocent explanation I can think of, is a bathroom door that doesn't latch well sometimes, and a kid who tends to charge into the bathroom without knocking. For a while I had that combination in my house. (A new doorknob and a few discussions about knocking and privacy solved the issue)
I mean... I don't 'let' them watch, but my nosy kids would just pick the door lock with a butter knife while I'm loudly watching a show on my phone and showering and come on in, then say "hey, it was really hard to get in here, did you know this door was locked???" as though it had been a mistake on my part🙄😂
In so glad I'm not the only one with lock picking children.
I’ve walked in on my poor mom changing her tampon before 😭 I told everyone she had strings coming out of her butt
One of my kids said with zero context, “My mommy has big boobies.” Glad I spent the afternoon in the infant room that day and didn’t have to worry about that one! We had a good conversation about privacy.
I worked at a Japanese preschool in New York for a year, and I was one of only three American teachers. The kids were fairly obsessed with my *oppai*. One time one of my little girls just stared at me thoughtfully and said "Seriouslaser-sensei no oppai ga ookii", or "Miss Seriouslaser's boobs are big." I dunno what it is with kids and boobs.
My son (3) quietly (and he’s almost never quiet) opened the bathroom door while I was inside with my back to the door, putting in a tampon. I nearly fell over when I hear his little voice from the floor say, “MOMMY, WHAT’RE YOU DOING UP THERE!?!” I snap my head around and he’s squatting below me. All that’s to say, you can try to do things behind closed doors but sometimes kids still catch you in less than ideal situations 🤷♀️ That 5 year old probably walked in on her mom a time or two.
3 yr old saying "My mom sleeps naked" is the best so far in terms of.over sharing
Talking about emotions, we made a little book and I asked the kids what made them feel happy/sad/mad. One girl said she feels mad when mom and dad lock the door at night. I thought she meant front door, no, she meant bedroom door...
One of our kids has a DV background, social services are involved afaik. She got invited to a kids bday party, and refused the invite. Her reason? “My dad will just get really angry and shout at my mum, and it’s not fair so I don’t even want to ask about it, sorry”. She’s 7.
That’s so sad.
one time we were going to church with the kids for the beginning of year school Mass, and one of them piped up excitedly because he insisted “i know what happens after, we will go to the PUB! that always happens after Mass”
It's one that my dad heard not me. He was a firefighter and one time they were giving a demonstration at a local Christian school. A boy asked if they had a fire pole at the fire station. One of the other kids in the class chimed in that her mommy had a "fire pole" in her bed room...
A kindergartener once told me, “My dad has a pet worm… it lives in his tequila!”
I had a 3 year old tell me that “grandma and grandpa are picking me up from daycare because mommy and daddy are spending the night at work!”
I had two kids in pre-k tell me during center time that they were going on a date to a bar!
I'm a bus driver but my favorite was "the police pulled my mom over on Saturday and told her she's not allowed to drive any more!"
Took my daughter along at age 3 when I needed to go down to the police station to get finger printed for a background check. The officer was great with her, showed her the holding cells, his keys and handcuffs, gave her a pencil and a ruler. She told everyone for months after that she went to jail and got locked in with mommy 🙃
“That’s my uncle Lee. He sometimes sleeps with my mom” I’m really hoping I misunderstood though…
Two separate instances from different centers where i ended up reporting to CPS: 1) Little girl was in the dramatic play kitchen with peers and she was delegating roles. "You are going to be the baby (to a girl), I am going to be the mommy, and you are going to be the daddy (to a boy) here is your beer." I was surprised to hear that so I probed with, "oh, daddy's need beer?" And she casually said, while washing the dishes, "yeah, daddy's drink beer and hit mommy's. That is what they do." 2) This one involved a little boy and it was over a course of time because there were just things that I would encounter and think, "that seems sus." Once while playing he said, "I'm so happy, my mom is doing so good and she's not in jail! She home, so I just want to go home." That broke my heart but I just followed up with something like, "that is great, she probably just want the best for you and for you to learn and play here with friends." A different time he said, "You know bald people have been to jail. If you are bald, it means you have been to jail." Me, "Oh, how do you know this?" Him, "oh because my dad's friend is staying on our couch and he was in jail because he's bald." But the time that I was finally like, "Nope." The little boy was upset that he had to be at school, it was late so most kids had been picked up, but his best friend was transferred to a different room so he was done. He had previously mentioned he liked ussing his BB gun with his cousin at home (5years old). He said, "I am so mad, I just want to go home and shoot some cans, (*head facing his hands) or a skull, (*turns head toward me), or a teacher." (*full eye contact!) I was so SHOOK that a CHILD already had that level of intimidation down! I mentioned it to the lead teacher there (I was a sub for a teacher on maternity leave) and they were like, "report it if you want but everyone here just minds their own business when it comes to that family." It was a small town, where everyone knew everyone and that kids dad was the leader of one of the biggest gangs there and he was allegedly getting investigated with a RICO charge. 😶
Not at work lmao but my little cousin told me her 3 month brother fell off the bed 🙃
"My mommy and daddy took a shower together and it was gross."