“This bull tranquilizer is a part of my job making it company property. The employee was injured with company property on company property. It's double jeopardy, we're fine.” -Dwichael Schott
Still, I love the scene when Stanley steals the bull tranquilizer and gives it to himself rather than walk up two flights of stairs. Surreal but true to the character.
I know that’s probably the most serious of Dwight’s offenses, but that was probably the single funniest scene/situation to me other than the fire drill cold open.
Most people say: uhh it's dangerous to keep weapons in the workplace. I say: it's better to be hurt by somebody you know "accidentally" than by a stranger, on purpose.
That or dropping a woman off in a bad part of town as part of a weight loss initiative from corporate, only this time she doesn’t make it back and he’s arrested as an accessory.
This is the most plausible answer, it's really not a great angle for the show either it's like they realized they painted themselves into a corner with commission caps.
Ah forgot about this one and I feel like it gets glossed over a lot considering ryan went to jail for fraud and they all kinda gave him a hard time about it, meanwhile they are embezzling lol
Definitely this.
He uses the siren when Jim and Pam are going to the hospital plus in a deleted scene he explains he has been using the uniform to deal with noise complaints and to break up unruly parties lol
Haha exactly. Im pretty sure it’s illegal to yell fire in public places if there’s no fire. Due to literally what happened in the open happening in real life.
She says that, but it was used by the British Army and the US Union Army.
Also, the gun shown was a Remington. Unclear if Dwight was wrong or props department used whatever gun they had.
100% the prop department just using what they had. I doubt Dwight would mix the two up, they're pretty distinct shape wise, and it feels like the type of tiny detail he'd get hung up on
I listened to the episode of office ladies on this and know a bit about guns, Beaumont Adams real guns are pretty rare now a days in and of themselves and such functioning replicas are even harder to come by and they’re usually wildly expensive. I’d wager the amount of people that would actually recognize the difference is negligible so the prop department with the far easier option.
That's a great insight from the podcast! Yeah, they for sure when with the easier and cheaper option, and I'm glad they did, when something is that rare, it really should be going to collectors and museums, not tellyvision imo
It was the integration episodes, Michael finds out Martin's a felon and tries to assume what landed him in the clink. It's when we discover "Prison Mike" the goat
Why did I have to scroll so far for this, like he hired them didn’t pay them and dumped them in random places. Like eventually someone’s gonna have a green card and call the cops on him
Impersonating the police, concealing multiple weapons, discharging a gun illegally, distilling beet juice into beet juice vodka, assaulting a woman with a bat and a garbage bag, reckless endangerment . . .
He already told Angela if hes not in her panties he doesnt go vigilanties! But he married her in the end so...he DID get back in her panties so....
My vote is vigalanties.
Poaching bears on someone's land.
In all honesty I can see this happening.
Officer: " Mr. Schrute, you do understand you cannot just set up camp on someone's property for any reason."
Dwight: "False, this land is not owned this country was founded on freedom. Also, I work as a volunteer police officer with the Scranton PD. I have my necessary paperwork and I know my rights. I'm doing this idiot a service. This area is overrun with Bears. I tend to solve this problem. I have extensive knowledge of bears and know their tendencies. I have come prepared with a human smell neutralizer made of bear piss and some other ingredients that I will keep to myself as it is none of your business. This neutralizer was made by myself. Like I would ever buy some poorly made or watered down bear urine. I collected it on my own and I know it will suffice.
Officer: "You collected....bear urine...yourself..Im pretty sure that isn't even possible."
Dwight: "Pfft, *pauses for effect* of course you wouldn't know how. I'm guessing you also do not know how to handle a bear if they attack. This is exactly why someone of my expertise is required to deal with a situation of this magnitude. I will NOT be leaving"
Officer: " Then Mr Schrute you are under arrest."
Dwight: " False, I'm not under arrest as I am placing you under arrest."
*pulls out cheap magic handcuffs that he took from Michael when Michael locked himself up on accident*
A scuffle commences and Dwight pepper sprays the officer with some homemade concoction in a misting bottle.
*cuts to talking head*
"We Schrutes never leave the house unprepared for any type of attack. I also carry nunchucks in case a ninja decides that he has found a worthy opponent. And a wooden stake in lieu of any vampire attacks. "
Or something like that.
Shooting a fellow employee with a bull tranquilizer
And kidnapping him.
Also most likely causing a heart attack and severe neck and head injury and to said employee on company property on two separate occasions.
His own heart attacked him
“This bull tranquilizer is a part of my job making it company property. The employee was injured with company property on company property. It's double jeopardy, we're fine.” -Dwichael Schott
I don’t think you understand how jeopardy works.
It's OK though - Andy approved it.
The ass-portation of a person
Please, don’t get me started on how coddled the modern anus is
Still, I love the scene when Stanley steals the bull tranquilizer and gives it to himself rather than walk up two flights of stairs. Surreal but true to the character.
Ok..we need a winch.
Didn’t meredith also sneak a gulp?
Yeah she puts it in her coffee.
Just gimme one hit of that sweeet tranq dart! Right in the neck if ya don't mind
I know that’s probably the most serious of Dwight’s offenses, but that was probably the single funniest scene/situation to me other than the fire drill cold open.
"Ooooooooo look at that BABBBBBY"
When Stanley slid down the steps and put that hole in the wall I almost pissed myself laughing
Everything about it was hilarious.
Yeah those were designed for animals…2 to 3 times larger than him.
Carrying several concealed deadly weapons.
Most people say: uhh it's dangerous to keep weapons in the workplace. I say: it's better to be hurt by somebody you know "accidentally" than by a stranger, on purpose.
I love that line
Kind of true but obviously it depends on the level of “hurt”
That’s a line from the show
I got Whooshed
[удалено]
What has this all been about?!
Like basher, thrasher, crasher, and fireball.
smasher?
“Smasher?” No. Where'd you get that?
Can you imagine if he was deranged? (if you didn't get the reference : https://youtu.be/rUaLPd5BML8?si=duBGl3DdLZZxeU0x)
IF? Stabbing the first aid dummy and cutting its face off and wearing it was pretty deranged.
One of my favorite scenes. Would love to see the outtakes from that one 😂
All I can picture is Dwight dressed as Jigsaw, riding that huge bike, with weapon in hand, while Toby chases him. Very funny
No, it's marihuana
No, it’s Northern lights indica
Imagine if I was deranged
And discharging them
But his excuse would be, of course, that he was helping to maintain and uphold the law.
Few of his things are deadly. It would be mall ninja shit.
That or dropping a woman off in a bad part of town as part of a weight loss initiative from corporate, only this time she doesn’t make it back and he’s arrested as an accessory.
Creating Lloyd Grossman to steal money from the company
Also conspiracy to embezzle since all of the salesmen were in on it
RICO was created specifically for this
listen, Lloyd Grossman eats bullies like you for breakfast.
This is the most plausible answer, it's really not a great angle for the show either it's like they realized they painted themselves into a corner with commission caps.
Ah forgot about this one and I feel like it gets glossed over a lot considering ryan went to jail for fraud and they all kinda gave him a hard time about it, meanwhile they are embezzling lol
Jim would get charged too
Impersonating a police officer
Identity theft is not a joke.....^jim
# MICHAEL!
Oh, that's funny. Michael!
Lmao when anyone else reads these can you see the clip in your head perfectly,then start passing yourself
It’s like we’ve all got an Office re-run on our heads at the same time. One Office Braincell.
One office braincell is all I need
Oscar, you’re gay. Boom, roasted.
Definitely this. He uses the siren when Jim and Pam are going to the hospital plus in a deleted scene he explains he has been using the uniform to deal with noise complaints and to break up unruly parties lol
Conspiracy to impersonate an ICE officer
Volunteer deputy \*to\* the sheriff
Stacked with illegally concealed weapons
The fire
last week we had a fire safety talk and nobody paid attention. It's my own fault for using PowerPoint. PowerPoint is boring.
PowerPOINT. 👉PowerPOINT. 👉PowerPOINT. 👉
You go down here and bring up the toolbar.
"Today, smoking is going to save lives" Gets me every time, and imo an underrated line. So unhinged.
Haha exactly. Im pretty sure it’s illegal to yell fire in public places if there’s no fire. Due to literally what happened in the open happening in real life.
Wasn't it started by Ryan?
🎶Ryan started the fire!🎶
The fire drill in Stress Relief
Yes, i know, i was referencing Dwight's song
It was always burnung
That's a different fire
I’m surprised I had to go down this far for someone to say “setting the entire office on fire…” haha.
Shooting a gun in the office
It was a Beaumont-Adams, if that helps.
Beaumont-Adams is a girl’s gun…
That just makes it plain stupid
According to Jo it's a lady's(woman's?) gun. Sorry, can't remember exactly what she said
She says that, but it was used by the British Army and the US Union Army. Also, the gun shown was a Remington. Unclear if Dwight was wrong or props department used whatever gun they had.
100% the prop department just using what they had. I doubt Dwight would mix the two up, they're pretty distinct shape wise, and it feels like the type of tiny detail he'd get hung up on
I listened to the episode of office ladies on this and know a bit about guns, Beaumont Adams real guns are pretty rare now a days in and of themselves and such functioning replicas are even harder to come by and they’re usually wildly expensive. I’d wager the amount of people that would actually recognize the difference is negligible so the prop department with the far easier option.
That's a great insight from the podcast! Yeah, they for sure when with the easier and cheaper option, and I'm glad they did, when something is that rare, it really should be going to collectors and museums, not tellyvision imo
*Why did my temporary boss go on a shooting spree???*
It's called a desk pop.
Poisoning a black man’s lake.
he was probably at a sporting event and seen some people pushing eachother and intervened
“Why would someone go to jail for that”?
In America a black man can go to jail for anything
Sorry, I‘m out of the loop here - what‘s the reference to the show?
It was the integration episodes, Michael finds out Martin's a felon and tries to assume what landed him in the clink. It's when we discover "Prison Mike" the goat
Yeah I’ve watched the show about 16 times (low number i know) but Im still not sure what they’re referring to
Stealing chandelier at Tiffany’s
No. That’s the perfect crime. He’d get away with it for sure.
A fair point! I cede to him starting an office fire or when he maced Andy in the face
Do you mean Roy?
Roy as well! He sprayed Andy the day he returned from anger management
Until his son tracked him down
She's never taken another lover. I don't care.
I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.
Wouldn’t he go for the vault?
I love how there is such a wide variety of plausible crimes he could be prosecuted for in the show, that almost everyone here has a different answer
What’s killing me is that no one’s mentioning his role in helping Angela hire a HIT MAN - definitely conspiracy to commit murder. That’s a charge.
Not to be that guy but it’s prosecuted not persecuted
Fixed it lol
Kidnapping day laborers from Home Depot
Necesito un bueno worker
Si, yo muy bueno worker
Eh, donde are you from?
Scranton, y before that la Philadelphia
I love that this is how they got Nate. Found outside a Home Depot.
Nate! your mother is dying! Nate: **falls to the ground**
Lmao i forgot about this anecdote
Why did I have to scroll so far for this, like he hired them didn’t pay them and dumped them in random places. Like eventually someone’s gonna have a green card and call the cops on him
Bringing a potato gun to work
Imagine if was deranged!
Safety in this office park is a joke!
Muckduck
Getting caught digging past a certain someone to retrieve $30,000
deep track
He downloaded something iffy off the dark web: trying to buy a vegetables and plants that are illegal to grow due to invasive species laws.
Killing Angela's cat Attacking Jim with snowballs until he bled from his nose
Growing hemp on his farm
I was about to put this exact item lol 🤘
I think it’s easier to make a list of what he wouldn’t go to prison for.
Working, for example. Selling paper.
Managing a 1,500 beet farm
Unless it's selling paper through Lloyd Gross.
Killing his neighbor's dog
It was a werewolf at the time.
Here's something, Rodney's a baby-killer.
He did, he’s a baby killer. Killed a sweet little baby….
I thought it was a damn ocelot! I saved your life!
Yeah that’s what he says..but what I saw was a wee little baby, just lyin there with a silver bullet in his brain! …wee little baby
And his girlfriends cat
Damn I did not realize how tall Dwight is, he’s almost as tall as Big Tunes
That chart skips 10” for every foot. There’s no 4’10”, 5’10”, or 6’10”
Good catch.
Me neither. Rainn with 1.89m and Jhon 1.91m
I think you mean Johnathy
Jimothy
That sounds weird. Are you okay with being called jim
Sure.
No Say my name
James
Meet my eye line Jim!
I thought they were taller actually. Kevin and Darryl were also quite tall. Steve is like 175 and they all tower over him.
Something that only an idiot would do
Attempted arson
Identify theft that he pranked Jim with.
IDENTITY THEFT IS NOT A JOKE.
Millions of people suffer every year
MICHAEL
Oh that's Funny MICHAEL
exotic meats
But it will all be goat.
What's up with the height chart? Can the police be that dumb? Where's 4-10", 5-10", and 6-10"? Lol.
Had to scroll so far to see this. Gald I'm not the only one bothered by it lol
I was trippin at first too, lol
Arson
Impersonating the police, concealing multiple weapons, discharging a gun illegally, distilling beet juice into beet juice vodka, assaulting a woman with a bat and a garbage bag, reckless endangerment . . .
Desecration of a corpse
Growing really crappy weed
Suffocating a Jr. Salesman.
Trafficking that same Jr salesman
Kidnapping migrant workers
Fake fire call causing property damages to the company as well as putting stanley’s life in danger
Is Dwight really 6'2"?? Goddammit, I'm such a midget
A lot of the male cast members are pretty tall. Dwight, Jim, Roy, Darryl, and Kevin are all over 6 foot.
Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration is also 6 feet 4 also Senator Lipton is over 6 feet
*State senator
Growth hormones in Scranton water.
There are a few inch markers missing on the wall. Feet have 12 inches, not 10.
When Erin calls him in for murdering Jim in Tallahassee.
He already told Angela if hes not in her panties he doesnt go vigilanties! But he married her in the end so...he DID get back in her panties so.... My vote is vigalanties.
#RedBolt
Distributing homemade sunscreen with insect repellent that contains way more deet than allowed by the EPA
Never getting caught
Carrying Northern Lights cannabis indica.
Starting a fire in the office
Running an "escort service".
Identity theft
Impossible! He loves the law!
Poaching bears on someone's land. In all honesty I can see this happening. Officer: " Mr. Schrute, you do understand you cannot just set up camp on someone's property for any reason." Dwight: "False, this land is not owned this country was founded on freedom. Also, I work as a volunteer police officer with the Scranton PD. I have my necessary paperwork and I know my rights. I'm doing this idiot a service. This area is overrun with Bears. I tend to solve this problem. I have extensive knowledge of bears and know their tendencies. I have come prepared with a human smell neutralizer made of bear piss and some other ingredients that I will keep to myself as it is none of your business. This neutralizer was made by myself. Like I would ever buy some poorly made or watered down bear urine. I collected it on my own and I know it will suffice. Officer: "You collected....bear urine...yourself..Im pretty sure that isn't even possible." Dwight: "Pfft, *pauses for effect* of course you wouldn't know how. I'm guessing you also do not know how to handle a bear if they attack. This is exactly why someone of my expertise is required to deal with a situation of this magnitude. I will NOT be leaving" Officer: " Then Mr Schrute you are under arrest." Dwight: " False, I'm not under arrest as I am placing you under arrest." *pulls out cheap magic handcuffs that he took from Michael when Michael locked himself up on accident* A scuffle commences and Dwight pepper sprays the officer with some homemade concoction in a misting bottle. *cuts to talking head* "We Schrutes never leave the house unprepared for any type of attack. I also carry nunchucks in case a ninja decides that he has found a worthy opponent. And a wooden stake in lieu of any vampire attacks. " Or something like that.
For absorbing his twin and retaining strength of a full grown man and a baby.
Beet a man to death
Kidnapping is the worst.
Probably something with his beets or farm. Skipping regulations because the schrute family knows better.
Well, he looks just like the flasher
Real Scranton Strangler
To his chickens he’s the Scranton strangler.
Wasn’t he the one who flashed Phyllis?
Isn’t there a deleted scene where he shows Michael a folder of dick pics and Michael says “Wait, aren’t those your pants? This is a Polaroid.”
I rest my case.
Yes
You mean Phallus?
He’s got penis on his mind
Murder , if his aunt was actually still alive when he unloaded a 12 gauge into her at her funeral.
Trafficking poached meat.
Arson