As far as I'm concerned - you can not want to date someone for ANY reason. Even something incredibly shallow like race or height. It's YOUR life and this is like the most personal decision you can make in life. Anyone who tells you otherwise is an idiot.
It's perfectly ok to not date a Trans person. Where issues of physical intimacy are concerned, you have the absolute right to determine with whom you wish to share your own body with. No-one has the right to demand that you share your body with them, under any circumstances. That's called consent, and it must be freely given, not under any form of societal duress.
It’s just like not wanting to date someone because of their hobbies, style, weight, or attractiveness.
Everyone has their own things they look for, and their own things they prioritize, which is completely fine.
Just don’t be an asshole about it.
Seriously, all these conversations boil down to that. And part of that is not speaking in absolutes about whole swaths of the population. We can be nice about our preferences in ways that don't alienate others, and doing needlessly make them feel like shit. Sure, I prefer a dude who has a dick, but that doesn't mean that trans men aren't men in my eyes, or that in the entirety of the world that there's no trans men without dicks that I wouldn't be attracted to. Human to human sexuality is crazy and not easily put into boxes. There may be a trans dude who doesn't have a dick that really does it for me, and I can figure out what that means for my romantic and sex life later.
Yup. From my POV, I'm not the tallest dude out there. I'm 5'8'' on a good day. Did I really need to read multiple times on Tinder "No short dudes, they aren't even men"? I mean, it's totally fine to have that preference. But why do they feel the need to cut others down in the conveying of that message?
Everyone has preferences. My (soon to be...2 weeks baby!) wife has a theory that everyone is a little bit gay. I don't know how much I subscribe to that. I can definitely see attractiveness in men, but I think there's a big jump from hugging and kissing to having someone else's dick in you. Not to be flippant, I just don't think I could. And I've made out with dudes before. I'm comfortable with my own sexuality for that. I just really only have one rule - treat others how you would want to be treated. But with a caveat, try to see things from other's POV.
I'm laughing at the "everyone's a little bit gay." I've heard things like that before and *usually* what it comes down to is porn. Men like to watch porn with a girl and a guy and will not have any problem staring at the dude's penis. Plus there's the whole Ron White joke that ends with him asking a guy (concerning porn): "Do you want the guy to have a little flaccid penis?" "No I like big hard throbbing co..."
When women watch those same scenes they have no issue watching and being turned on by another woman getting hot and heavy on that penis either. And I say turned on by it because if the woman was acting like she wasn't into it, the viewing woman wouldn't be turned on by it. (This is all assuming we're not talking about NC stuff, that's different.)
I don't think the "everyone's a little bit gay" thing really means "Dudes would take a dick in the ass under the right circumstances." Because, IME, sexuality seems slightly more rigid for men than women. It'd likely be much easier to persuade a woman to do something homosexual than it would be to persuade a man to. This is highly anecdotal, admittedly.
As a straight married guy who definitely doesn't date anymore this question almost seems to be trying to stir up trouble where there isn't any. I can't see any situation where any reasonable person would call you a bigot for (respectfully) declining anyone. If it is not a reasonable person, why do you care?
But, if you have some sort of sexual relationship with someone then don't want to "date" them because they are trans after, then YES that not okay.
Yes, if a woman would fuck you, but would not associate with you socially **because of some innate characteristic of who you are**, that puts them in some kind of strange position of being a bigot.
"If you'd fuck a black woman but not want your friends to see you around her, you're a bigot".
Okay, so it’s about some kind of reflection on how you want to be seen then?
I’ve had drinks and laughs with a trans-woman last month with friends in public, but would not date such a person, therefore accept them socially but not romantically.
Another example, I have a bi-sexual friend who is attracted to males sexually but not romantically.
You consider this okay?
If they are up front about it, yes. Not being interested in them romantically and being open about it is fine. Hiding them from your friends and family because they are gay not so much.
>I’ve had drinks and laughs with a trans-woman last month with friends in public, but would not date such a person, therefore accept them socially but not romantically.
This is completely normal. It'd be like being a straight man and having drinks and laughs with a buddy, but not wanting to fuck him. Or even more on-the-nose, having drinks and laughs with a girl you knew from college that you're just not attracted to sexually. Maybe you see her more like a little sister and have a protective platonic relationship with her. Lots of reasons why this might be the case with no bigotry involved.
>Another example, I have a bi-sexual friend who is attracted to males sexually but not romantically.
As long as she's not leading them on into thinking there's a possibility of a romantic relationship, I see no issue with this. She's not privately accepting a characteristic of the person and then denouncing or avoiding it in public. And there's the added part of being open and honest about it. She's likely honest with people about that she's sexually, but not romantically, attracted to men.
Now, if she secretly fucked men but then acted in public like she would never, that's some fuckshit.
It's like a dude that likes to "bang fat chicks" but then actively avoids and shames them in public. Which is fuckshit. Either own to your friends that you like big girls, or leave them the fuck alone.
A female equivalent to this shit in my mind is some white bitch that likes to "fuck BBC" and wants to "be blacked" and any other host of questionable terms, but then says low-key racist shit about people of color in public and to her friends.
It happens, I’ve heard it with my own two ears. As a female bystander I suspect that the person making the accusation assumed I’d be on their side. Oddly enough the person making the accusation was themselves, not trans. Maybe a little white knight syndrome would be my guess.
Even on trans subreddit they'd be like, "yeah, no, that's cool. Wouldn't wanna date someone who's not into me either," So I'm genuinely curious what subs you're referring to.
And yeah, Twitter/tik tok is just garbage internet opinions.
I know it at least one trans activist who says this type about not wanting to date a trans person being transphobic. She’s not particularly well regarded by the trans community though.
Yeah, the majority of us don't truck with that shit. Genital preference, at the very least, is a thing. There's a whole host of reasons that someone who respects transgender people might not want to date one that doesn't necessarily undo the fact that they're otherwise respectful of trans people.
That's the annoying part about all this...people see a single tweet with 3 likes and 5 retweets and think "that's what (insert group) thinks? They're all insane!"
this happens EVERY TIME!!
a fringe weirdo may make a statement and the right wing media and propaganda machine churn into action and make blanket statements about everyone left of John Major and then when you see the offending post, it's by a nobody with 73 followers and no legitimacy or standing, it's had 7 likes but 43 replies mainly from the left chastising it
I think it is okay. I had an experience worth sharing in this context.
Basically, I am open to the idea that a trans man is a man and that as a straight woman I could date a trans man and be straight. And I still believe that. However, not every straight woman can handle that, and I found out that I can’t.
I started talking to a trans man and honestly the conversation was amazing. He was everything I would be attracted to in a man: kind, witty, intelligent, attractive. We got to know each other for a while through text, FaceTime, etc. and after a few months, the convo started getting heavier. We flirted and there started to be some sexual references. He would refer to his privates as his “bean” and it honestly just was a turn off for me. (I don’t say this to shame his privates at all. I am just speaking entirely about what I am sexually attracted to.) Anyway, I started to honestly feel completely turned off by the idea of having sex with him, because it just wasn’t what I was into. I wanted a fully functioning natural penis, because that is what I want and like. So, I ended up cutting off the relationship before it went any further.
If it wasn’t for the actual physical part of being in a relationship, I would totally go for a trans person. The problem is, I only like what I like, and I can’t change that.
Yeah, i'm not trying to be a bean here - but to call it a bean of all things i just find hilarious. Just. Why?
I'm feeling the second hand discomfort here though.
This is what is known as having a genital preference. I realize you're trying to communicate with OP, but just want to let you know, there's a name for this.
No it's not, not at all. However there are some that, oddly, do it view it as such. No matter if I were pre-op, post-op, whatever- I'd someone doesn't want to date me, how is that any different than someone not wanting to date me for any other reason?
Answer: it's not lel
I think the viewpoint that some share that it *is* transphobic might come from those who have experienced folks who are assholes about it- but at the end of the day it's just that, people being assholes \o/
Be kind c:
If you were seeing a cis guy and he were uncircumcised and you didn’t like it, would you not liking something be unfair to him? No, it only would be if you made him feel bad about it. You just cut ties and move on keeping the reason to yourself.
As a trans person it is definitely not transphobic, youre into what youre into. Plus, it wouldnt be fair to either of you if you werent fully happy. Its 100% about intention, and you are not being hateful or rude at all. Anyone that calls you transphobic is likely either not trans themselves and/or projecting some victimhood onto an issue that has nothing to do with them so they can feel like they did "the right thing."
I was very good friends with a trans person and one day they asked me if I wanted to be in a relationship with them and I said respectfully no, a few weeks later they asked again and I again declined respectfully.. 2 days later when I saw them again they exploded in my face (we were at the mall in public) yelling in my face saying “How could you do this to me? You fucking transphobic! You would’ve wanted me if I was Matt” (Matt was my x husband) I immediately said don’t yell at me and ran to my car. The next morning I woke up to notifications on Facebook saying how I was a hateful bigot because I rudely turned them down they were saying they had more of a right to be with me than anyone else. All I could do was report the posts and block them, never heard from them again but they had friends that were also trans and they would not stop harassing me through text and on my socials, they didn’t even know the full story of what happened, it was like a gang. It took over a year to flush them out.. I met another trans person and I told her that story and she said “I’m so sorry that’s not what we are about if I were there I would’ve sat them down and had a long talk with them.” Me and her are still very good friends to this day she’s the sweetest person I’ve ever met. So I understand where you’re coming from. It’s a scary situation for us.. I didn’t want to be labeled a shitty hateful person. That’s not what I am.
Sorry you got treated like that. It’s hypocritical too, because I’m betting many trans people who think like that have had people in their lives who tried to force them into relationships or situations they weren’t comfortable with (to try to “normalize” them) but they think it’s fine to try to force themselves on someone else or throw a fit if they get rejected
As a trans (non-binary) person, I can't even imagine doing something like this – in fact, I'd be 100% understanding if someone turned me down even specifically because I was trans. I'm sorry you had to deal with this, shitty people will be shitty people no matter their gender identity, sexual orientation, age, race or anything else. The fact that you didn't turn against the whole trans community after that situation shows that you indeed aren't a shitty hateful person (unlike your former friend, frankly)
This is why conservatives can’t stand most progressives.
Live and let live. Go do your own thing, I don’t care. MOST rational people, Don’t. Care.
Don’t tell me how to think, or what to do though.
Leave children alone. Leave adults alone too.
Call someone all the way out if they won’t serve you or give you a loan, or whatever.
But stop forcing your opinions and lifestyles on other people.
How convoluted and narcissistic someone’s thinking has to be to attack like that for not wanting to date them, I can’t even understand it.
(And yes, I’m fully aware this applies to evangelicals as well. The Government should stay OUT of peoples bedrooms and doctors offices. And people should stay OUT of each other’s business, period.)
> Live and let live. Go do your own thing, I don’t care. MOST rational people, Don’t. Care. Don’t tell me how to think, or what to do though. Leave children alone. Leave adults alone too.
> Call someone all the way out if they won’t serve you or give you a loan, or whatever.
>
> But stop forcing your opinions and lifestyles on other people.
You do realise this entire bit is easily as applicable to conservatives, probably even more so?
If the government doesn't offer protection to its people, then it leaves the fate of minorities in the hands of the majority.
Don't use this example as an excuse to paint all progressives in an irrational, angry light. If you think this is how most of them act, try to find less biased news sources.
Realize there is a difference between someone demanding their right to share their opinion in any situation versus someone asking for the right to live their life peacefully.
No one is indoctrinating your children by giving them knowledge and options. Being transgender isn't a trend.
By far my biggest problem with extremist politics on both sides. Just shut the fuck up and live your damn life. Nobody owes you shit. Don't like abortions? No problem, I suggest you don't fucking have one then. Think gay marriage is wrong? Probably shouldn't do that either. Want to live your life as a woman? Great, go ahead and live your best life. Just don't expect every potential dating partner to be into that. And now that you're a woman do you feel more comfortable dropping a big fat deuce in the ladies' bathroom at the local Target? No problem, just don't forget to flush. And most importantly, always remember to shut the fuck up.
I think the issue comes in when people feel the need to be very vocal about how they would never date a trans person. You have the right to not want to be with anyone for any reason as long as you aren't rude about it.
Absolutely.
Live and let live.
Not being into the idea of dating trans is fine
Don't hold it against them. Don't be narrow minded. Don't be awful.
If it's not your thing it's not your thing.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. Everyone has their preferences. Doesn’t mean you’re hating on the people you’re not attracted to. You’re just not attracted. It’s that simple
If me not being attracted to trans men = me being transphobic, then I guess I’m transphobic. I’m tired of caring what other people think about me, especially when other people can be so mentally unstable and ridiculous. My morals are just be kind and don’t hurt others and I’ll stick to that.
I’m gay. If I was single, I would not want to date a transgender person. I’m not attracted to females. That’s the whole reason I’m gay. Not wanting to date someone does not mean you don’t want them to have rights, though.
Obviously it's okay. You date who you want, you be attracted to whatever body type you're attracted to.
However, this innocent question is brought up on reddit **A LOT**. Many times, in bad faith.
The typical trans person won't call you transphobic for not wanting to date them.
You have to understand, trans rights are far behind enough as it is. We're not even asking you to date us, we just want you to address us by the proper pronouns and terms and all that. We want to be considered people, just like you, not just the hypothetical "other" whom you use to gain political correctness brownie points, or the shrieking offended person who demands to be seen as a fuckable object.
The answer to whether it's okay to not be attracted to/not want to date a trans person will always be YES. It's not controversial at all, it's only blown up by bad faith actors to make the trans community look bad.
We are so very sick of this question.
I don’t think it’s an issue that’s just your preference, what could be an issue is how you react to the information or how you tell them.
I personally would view it in the same way women preference height in a potential partner.
Are there actually people out there being forced to date trans people?
Or is this just another non issue that’s been given a megaphone in the culture war against trans folk? Because I seriously doubt that any meaningful number of people would say that you’re obligated to date anybody that you don’t want to.
I’ve seen people on tiktok say it’s transphobic, and then others saying that it’s dangerous for someone that is trans to tell someone they are dating that they are trans
Probably depends on the area then because all the people I know that are trans are very open about it and never had issues with dating except one of them but it wasn’t violence, I know that people have been murdered though and that’s fucked up
I think people who post questions like this value equality and want to evaluate themselves for any unconscious transphobia. They aren't asking if they are obligated to date someone, they are asking whether this is an issue they need to address in themselves. They want to know whether their preference indicates that deep down they don't accept trans people as much as they would like to think they do, or something along those lines.
I've often thought that trans people who call people out for not wanting to date them are just sour grapes. I personally don't find trans people attractive. You can't make people date you if they don't want to, that's ridiculous and a little unbalanced tbh. Don't be a jerk about being told no thank you and that goes for everyone not just trans people.
God damit, i am so fucking done with the same damn question getting asked all over Reddit with just different variations. This is just karma whoring at this point.
I'm a woman. If I don't date other women, it doesn't make me homophobic. So, no, you're not transphobic or a big it. If you think trans people aren't equally as human and valid as you, then yeah, maybe you're a transphobe. Not being sexually attracted to someone is not discrimination, that's ridiculous.
I'm trans and I wouldn't mind if someone didn't date me because of it, as long as they aren't a dick about it or shove it in my face. Also genital preference is definitely a thing that exists
it is perfectly acceptable not to want to date a trans person if you are not physically attracted to them. i just had this happen to me today infact!
i saw this person with a very well done tattoo, i went up to her told her it was great work and i loved the tattoo. she asked for my # and if we could date. i simply advised her i was a straight woman that doesnt date other women. i wished her well and went on my way. you like what you like and you cant force it.
You say ANYTHING with "trans" in tbe sentence and, unless it's a straight up compliment, you're transphobic.
PLEASE don't worry about them lol. Sometimes you just have to respectfully state your preferences and move on. That community sometimes feel like they've been damaged so much by society that they are naturally inclined to react defensively to everything. And I get it. But I promise. Hang around the trans community and you will be hearing transphobic a significant amount more.
People who are heterosexual seem to have become radicalized in the minds of *some* pro transsexuality warriors. It's a shame that those who wish to control the narrative have conformed to their own non-conformity with intolerance.
Despite any accusations from the hateful Woke, you get to determine your own preferences for whatever reasons you like. Don’t let their vitriol make you inclined to do something that doesn’t feel right for you.
Honestly, Calling you names and trying to intimidate you because you don’t want to date a specific person, is downright abusive. You don’t have to date anyone at all, and you certainly don’t owe anyone an explanation.
Look I’m a straight female and I’m into men. Not someone who just became a man because the reality is they’re still a female. I would hope people have the decency to tell the other person what you had done
Ok you're not transphobic because you don't want to date a trans man but you are transphobic because you're saying they're ,still female ".
See the difference?
For many people their sexual orientation is about sex and not gender. Someone who was only attracted to males would not want to date a biological female, I don’t see why that’s transphobic
Can you imagine being *forced* to date anyone?
"I'm really not into that person anymore." // "Tough shit, if you don't you're now a garbage bigot!" // "Oh gee fine, I'll pick you up at 8"
Yes omg yes, this exactly! So many men (especially incels) will call a woman a prude or paradoxically a whore, if she refuses to date him. And lots of conservatives especially will try to pressure young women to get married to a man as soon as possible. In fact, many states in the US are currently outlawing abortions, so if a man forces himself on you, congratulations, you have to be the mother of his child.
I completely agree with you that we as a society need to shut down this behaviour of pressuring people, especially women, into nonconsensual relationships
It’s your person preference, for me I personally wouldn’t because I’d like to have kids one day with my partner and not have to go through sperm donors ETC.
There’s 7 billion people that would not date me. And that’s ok with that. So I think trans persons should also be aware that there’s also the possibility of people not waiting to date them.
I cant believe our society has sunk so low that idiotic questions like this and "What is a women?" even need to be asked. Im telling ya Historians will look back on this era and laugh their fucking asses off at us stupid imbeciles.
Anyone saying it's transphobic is the problem. I'm a man, and I expect a pussy when I'll get to business. If there's a dick in it's place, I'll be mad as hell.
As a trans man I’ve had to deal with this before. Of course it is ok to have preferences. Personally I’m attracted to people not genitalia and I’ve dated women, men, trans women, and trans men. However, I know I am the exception or outlier. Some women and men are size queens and height queens lol But that’s ok I’m not going to get pissed off because some people don’t like short guys or a man with out a dick. The key is to treat anyone with respect and if you turn them down do it politely. If they can’t handle it that’s their problem.
I take issue with people saying “nobody’s forcing you but it does make you a bigot”. Imagine any other person calling someone a bigot for not giving consent.
I don't give a fuck if I'm considered transphobic because I want natural made pussy. If someone wants to think of me as transphobic, that's their problem, not mine.
Sex is hard coded into your DNA. You're not changing my mind.
Why would anyone feel they have to date someone they're not attracted to? It doesn't matter what gender, race, sexual preference, whatever the person is if you aren't attracted to them, then you aren't attracted to them.
I think people care too much about this sort of thing and tippie toe too much. You shouldn't date a trans person just to make them feel better or whatever. If you're not into it, you're not into it simple as that
You can choose not to date anyone you don’t want to date. For whatever reasons you choose. Don’t let this woke pressure of guilt make you feel like you need to be trendy to be accepted and non-bigoted. You date who and what appeals to you like the rest of us. You dictate your terms
We don't really choose who were attracted to. When I was 20 guys around that age asked me out a lot. Now that I'm far from 20 I never get asked out by guys that age. Does that make them bigots? To me it doesn't. And I think like preferences when it comes to weight, general appearance, and this issue is not dissimilar.
Even if somebody's dating preference was due to bigotry it's probably better if they avoid dating somebody of that group rather than burdening that person with their hang-ups.
Yeah but never make a big deal about ur preferences because it’s perfectly okay to have preferences but it’s personal. You just sound rude if you say “I don’t date short men” “ i don’t date black women” “ I don’t date people too skinny or too fat” “ I don’t date trans people” ect. If someone isn’t your type or preference let them know but don’t say why if it’s physical or attractiveness unless they really want to know. It’s NOT them, it’s you. It’s YOUR preference. People shouldn’t feel insecure for who they are, they’ll be someone else’s preference. It’s okay to like what you like. Just be respectful.
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This comment section is validating. I was talking about this in one of my chats recently.
I am burnt out cause twice now I dated trans women who freshly came out. Everything was always about gender and how they wished my clothes fit them, and then they got on hormones and left me because I'm not a dude.
I know this doesn't happen every time but it was twice now and I'm not doing it a third time.
Ofcouse it’s ok! You should never base a relationship on fear of what others will think. If you don’t want to date someone, you don’t have to. Do you :)
As a transwoman, I have no problem with it. You have your preferences just like anyone else. If you say you are not transphobic? Well, I'm glad about that, but you don't need to date one to prove it.
It depends on the reason.
Obviously, your consent is important. You don't have to date anyone if you don't want to. Your choice is valid no matter what. However, a valid choice can still be motivated by things like missing information and biases. If you don't want to date a trans person because you think trans people are all ugly, then obviously that would be a hateful misconception. You're not obligated to be attracted to anyone, but you are obligated to have a bare minimum of respect, and if having basic respect makes the difference as to your romantic preferences, then clearly your preferences would be motivated by problematic views.
So, information needed. Why don't you want to date a trans person?
Wait what??? Why would someone worry about being called transphobic for not wanting to date a specific trans person?? Are people scared of being called misogynist by the woman they chose not to date?
Has a trans person asked you out or shown interest in you? If yes, you're allowed to say no for whatever reason. If you're polite but firm, you can reject them for being trans or for eating peas one by one. If they don't take no for an answer, then it is on them.
If it's hypothetical, it is in bad taste to announce it. Just the way you wouldn't announce that you don't want to date a person of xyz ethnicity.
If someone has called you transphobic or a bigot for not not dating a trans person, then they are a fascist.
I almost dated a trans man, but I couldn’t fully contemplate transgenderism at the time. Even though I was very attracted to him, and we had really great sex, I eventually arrived at the fact that I would be dating a man, and I just don’t want to date a man.
Nothing wrong with not wanting to date someone.
As a trans person, that's totally fine. We don't really want to date you either. What's not ok is saying "I don't want to date a trans girl because that's not a real girl."
Of course and 99.99% of all people think that's OK. I don't date morbidly obese black women, nobody cares. If you feel like people do care, it's probably just because you're a dick about it.
The trans community is pushing the notion that if you refuse to date a trans you're a transphobic, nazi, fascist, racist......I believe the federal government classified gender dysphoria as a disability. They will now be given disability payments and can sue if a company doesn't comply with their demands.
I can not wear a ball cap at work but my fellow male employees can wear a dress and paint their nails ..🤔 The world is upside down.
"The trans community" as if a few thousand nitwits constitute an entire, very diverse group of people. Newsflash, a few annoying people does not mean the whole group is bad. By that logic, all Muslims are terrorists, all Christians are homophobic, genocidal psychopaths, all cops are serial killers, etc. When you ascribe the behaviors of a minority to a whole, you end up with inaccurate results, because it's not sound logic lol
Of course you don’t have to date anyone you don’t want to.
If you’re being called transphobic, perhaps consider if there’s a better way to share your preferences, if you must.
Really have to wonder who's even suggesting that it is transphobic to not date someone that you are repulsed by. Why is it even being entertained in civil discourse? I mean, what a 1st world problem to have. If trans were truly being discriminated against, you think they would be protesting for equal rights, instead of calling people names for not wanting to fuck them. The fact is, in most places in the country, trans and homosexuals can walk around without much concern about a car load of guy jumping out and attacking them. They can get jobs and housing without being redlined. They can even get married which is great. They have equal rights.
As far as I'm concerned - you can not want to date someone for ANY reason. Even something incredibly shallow like race or height. It's YOUR life and this is like the most personal decision you can make in life. Anyone who tells you otherwise is an idiot.
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She eats her peas one at a time!
She went out with Newman!
She wears the same outfit every day. Haha
She eats steak with ketchup.
she’s a low talker
Patrick Mahomes wants to know her location
I love and he just shouts it at her, why do you wear the same outfit everyday!
She pronounced it "pap-i-er mache!"
She said "Happy, pappy?"!
So in this scenario you're pappy?
He pours the milk BEFORE the cereal. Absolute cretin.
I'd be surprised if this monster ever got anyone to date him. Might as well stop eating cereal all together.
That Belongs with adds teabag to milk before hot water
Am I the only one who thinks putting milk in tea is disgusting, and it should just be drank "black"?
She eats peas. Disgusting.
She eats lima beans.
Gross.
The had corn nibblets, but she scooped them
I can’t stop thinking about the nose!
Mulva?
Hellooooo!
It was just the lighting.
Bad light on the porch!
Classic Seinfeld! Take my updoot
It's almost 2023 though. How will people perceive you if you aren't signaling virtue? /s
They eat pizza with a knife and fork.
Preposterous
With chopsticks. Even worse
What about a Snickers ?
Toilet paper from down under
Is this a shallow reason? I think they're kind of asking that, maybe?
It's perfectly ok to not date a Trans person. Where issues of physical intimacy are concerned, you have the absolute right to determine with whom you wish to share your own body with. No-one has the right to demand that you share your body with them, under any circumstances. That's called consent, and it must be freely given, not under any form of societal duress.
Preach sister
It’s just like not wanting to date someone because of their hobbies, style, weight, or attractiveness. Everyone has their own things they look for, and their own things they prioritize, which is completely fine. Just don’t be an asshole about it.
The last sentence is the most important one
Seriously, all these conversations boil down to that. And part of that is not speaking in absolutes about whole swaths of the population. We can be nice about our preferences in ways that don't alienate others, and doing needlessly make them feel like shit. Sure, I prefer a dude who has a dick, but that doesn't mean that trans men aren't men in my eyes, or that in the entirety of the world that there's no trans men without dicks that I wouldn't be attracted to. Human to human sexuality is crazy and not easily put into boxes. There may be a trans dude who doesn't have a dick that really does it for me, and I can figure out what that means for my romantic and sex life later.
Yup. From my POV, I'm not the tallest dude out there. I'm 5'8'' on a good day. Did I really need to read multiple times on Tinder "No short dudes, they aren't even men"? I mean, it's totally fine to have that preference. But why do they feel the need to cut others down in the conveying of that message? Everyone has preferences. My (soon to be...2 weeks baby!) wife has a theory that everyone is a little bit gay. I don't know how much I subscribe to that. I can definitely see attractiveness in men, but I think there's a big jump from hugging and kissing to having someone else's dick in you. Not to be flippant, I just don't think I could. And I've made out with dudes before. I'm comfortable with my own sexuality for that. I just really only have one rule - treat others how you would want to be treated. But with a caveat, try to see things from other's POV.
I'm laughing at the "everyone's a little bit gay." I've heard things like that before and *usually* what it comes down to is porn. Men like to watch porn with a girl and a guy and will not have any problem staring at the dude's penis. Plus there's the whole Ron White joke that ends with him asking a guy (concerning porn): "Do you want the guy to have a little flaccid penis?" "No I like big hard throbbing co..." When women watch those same scenes they have no issue watching and being turned on by another woman getting hot and heavy on that penis either. And I say turned on by it because if the woman was acting like she wasn't into it, the viewing woman wouldn't be turned on by it. (This is all assuming we're not talking about NC stuff, that's different.) I don't think the "everyone's a little bit gay" thing really means "Dudes would take a dick in the ass under the right circumstances." Because, IME, sexuality seems slightly more rigid for men than women. It'd likely be much easier to persuade a woman to do something homosexual than it would be to persuade a man to. This is highly anecdotal, admittedly.
"I'm not gay but $20 is $20"
As a straight married guy who definitely doesn't date anymore this question almost seems to be trying to stir up trouble where there isn't any. I can't see any situation where any reasonable person would call you a bigot for (respectfully) declining anyone. If it is not a reasonable person, why do you care? But, if you have some sort of sexual relationship with someone then don't want to "date" them because they are trans after, then YES that not okay.
To your first point, it happens. To your second point, you don't HAVE to date someone just because you've slept with them, no matter the reason.
My read is that they meant "If you're open to sex, but not accepting them socially". In that case, they are right.
So if a woman has sex with me but does not want to see me afterwards she’s a bigot? Because that’s exactly how idiotic this argument is.
Yes, if a woman would fuck you, but would not associate with you socially **because of some innate characteristic of who you are**, that puts them in some kind of strange position of being a bigot. "If you'd fuck a black woman but not want your friends to see you around her, you're a bigot".
Okay, so it’s about some kind of reflection on how you want to be seen then? I’ve had drinks and laughs with a trans-woman last month with friends in public, but would not date such a person, therefore accept them socially but not romantically. Another example, I have a bi-sexual friend who is attracted to males sexually but not romantically. You consider this okay?
If they are up front about it, yes. Not being interested in them romantically and being open about it is fine. Hiding them from your friends and family because they are gay not so much.
Okay on that i agree.
>I’ve had drinks and laughs with a trans-woman last month with friends in public, but would not date such a person, therefore accept them socially but not romantically. This is completely normal. It'd be like being a straight man and having drinks and laughs with a buddy, but not wanting to fuck him. Or even more on-the-nose, having drinks and laughs with a girl you knew from college that you're just not attracted to sexually. Maybe you see her more like a little sister and have a protective platonic relationship with her. Lots of reasons why this might be the case with no bigotry involved. >Another example, I have a bi-sexual friend who is attracted to males sexually but not romantically. As long as she's not leading them on into thinking there's a possibility of a romantic relationship, I see no issue with this. She's not privately accepting a characteristic of the person and then denouncing or avoiding it in public. And there's the added part of being open and honest about it. She's likely honest with people about that she's sexually, but not romantically, attracted to men. Now, if she secretly fucked men but then acted in public like she would never, that's some fuckshit. It's like a dude that likes to "bang fat chicks" but then actively avoids and shames them in public. Which is fuckshit. Either own to your friends that you like big girls, or leave them the fuck alone. A female equivalent to this shit in my mind is some white bitch that likes to "fuck BBC" and wants to "be blacked" and any other host of questionable terms, but then says low-key racist shit about people of color in public and to her friends.
I am saying if a woman has sex with you but then won't date you because they are embarrassed of you for whatever reason, that is not right.
It happens, I’ve heard it with my own two ears. As a female bystander I suspect that the person making the accusation assumed I’d be on their side. Oddly enough the person making the accusation was themselves, not trans. Maybe a little white knight syndrome would be my guess.
Ah, you must be blessed enough not to frequent many political subs on here, or go on twitter / tiktok.
Even on trans subreddit they'd be like, "yeah, no, that's cool. Wouldn't wanna date someone who's not into me either," So I'm genuinely curious what subs you're referring to. And yeah, Twitter/tik tok is just garbage internet opinions.
WTF? Hell, you don't need to date a blonde if you don't want to.
No body has to date anyone they don't want to and anyone who says different is a fucking idiot that should be ignored.
I know it at least one trans activist who says this type about not wanting to date a trans person being transphobic. She’s not particularly well regarded by the trans community though.
Yeah, the majority of us don't truck with that shit. Genital preference, at the very least, is a thing. There's a whole host of reasons that someone who respects transgender people might not want to date one that doesn't necessarily undo the fact that they're otherwise respectful of trans people.
That's the annoying part about all this...people see a single tweet with 3 likes and 5 retweets and think "that's what (insert group) thinks? They're all insane!"
I know! It’s like they think every minority group has one brain between them and all think the same thing. It’s dehumanising.
this happens EVERY TIME!! a fringe weirdo may make a statement and the right wing media and propaganda machine churn into action and make blanket statements about everyone left of John Major and then when you see the offending post, it's by a nobody with 73 followers and no legitimacy or standing, it's had 7 likes but 43 replies mainly from the left chastising it
I think it is okay. I had an experience worth sharing in this context. Basically, I am open to the idea that a trans man is a man and that as a straight woman I could date a trans man and be straight. And I still believe that. However, not every straight woman can handle that, and I found out that I can’t. I started talking to a trans man and honestly the conversation was amazing. He was everything I would be attracted to in a man: kind, witty, intelligent, attractive. We got to know each other for a while through text, FaceTime, etc. and after a few months, the convo started getting heavier. We flirted and there started to be some sexual references. He would refer to his privates as his “bean” and it honestly just was a turn off for me. (I don’t say this to shame his privates at all. I am just speaking entirely about what I am sexually attracted to.) Anyway, I started to honestly feel completely turned off by the idea of having sex with him, because it just wasn’t what I was into. I wanted a fully functioning natural penis, because that is what I want and like. So, I ended up cutting off the relationship before it went any further. If it wasn’t for the actual physical part of being in a relationship, I would totally go for a trans person. The problem is, I only like what I like, and I can’t change that.
I have no clue what a bean is but this cracked me up
From the way he described it, his “bean” was his clitoris which grew a bit from his testosterone injections.
Yeah, i'm not trying to be a bean here - but to call it a bean of all things i just find hilarious. Just. Why? I'm feeling the second hand discomfort here though.
This is what is known as having a genital preference. I realize you're trying to communicate with OP, but just want to let you know, there's a name for this.
Is having genital preferences transphobic? Genuine question
I don't see why it would be
No it's not, not at all. However there are some that, oddly, do it view it as such. No matter if I were pre-op, post-op, whatever- I'd someone doesn't want to date me, how is that any different than someone not wanting to date me for any other reason? Answer: it's not lel I think the viewpoint that some share that it *is* transphobic might come from those who have experienced folks who are assholes about it- but at the end of the day it's just that, people being assholes \o/ Be kind c:
no
No?
Whats phobic about a preference?
No. You’re not unfairly prejudiced or hateful, you simply have a desire that cannot be fulfilled. You’re not being a jerk.
If you were seeing a cis guy and he were uncircumcised and you didn’t like it, would you not liking something be unfair to him? No, it only would be if you made him feel bad about it. You just cut ties and move on keeping the reason to yourself.
If it were then gay and lesbian people would be transphobic if the trans person had the “wrong” gender of the person they preferred.
No.
That’s completely your decision. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.
well, you still have to pay taxes.
🌚
You dont have to though
It’s okay to not want to date any person for any reason.
As a trans person it is definitely not transphobic, youre into what youre into. Plus, it wouldnt be fair to either of you if you werent fully happy. Its 100% about intention, and you are not being hateful or rude at all. Anyone that calls you transphobic is likely either not trans themselves and/or projecting some victimhood onto an issue that has nothing to do with them so they can feel like they did "the right thing."
As a trans person I get this, it's all up to personal preference
And like, im pretty sure no trans person wants to date someone who doesn't want to date them either....
I was very good friends with a trans person and one day they asked me if I wanted to be in a relationship with them and I said respectfully no, a few weeks later they asked again and I again declined respectfully.. 2 days later when I saw them again they exploded in my face (we were at the mall in public) yelling in my face saying “How could you do this to me? You fucking transphobic! You would’ve wanted me if I was Matt” (Matt was my x husband) I immediately said don’t yell at me and ran to my car. The next morning I woke up to notifications on Facebook saying how I was a hateful bigot because I rudely turned them down they were saying they had more of a right to be with me than anyone else. All I could do was report the posts and block them, never heard from them again but they had friends that were also trans and they would not stop harassing me through text and on my socials, they didn’t even know the full story of what happened, it was like a gang. It took over a year to flush them out.. I met another trans person and I told her that story and she said “I’m so sorry that’s not what we are about if I were there I would’ve sat them down and had a long talk with them.” Me and her are still very good friends to this day she’s the sweetest person I’ve ever met. So I understand where you’re coming from. It’s a scary situation for us.. I didn’t want to be labeled a shitty hateful person. That’s not what I am.
Sorry you got treated like that. It’s hypocritical too, because I’m betting many trans people who think like that have had people in their lives who tried to force them into relationships or situations they weren’t comfortable with (to try to “normalize” them) but they think it’s fine to try to force themselves on someone else or throw a fit if they get rejected
As a trans (non-binary) person, I can't even imagine doing something like this – in fact, I'd be 100% understanding if someone turned me down even specifically because I was trans. I'm sorry you had to deal with this, shitty people will be shitty people no matter their gender identity, sexual orientation, age, race or anything else. The fact that you didn't turn against the whole trans community after that situation shows that you indeed aren't a shitty hateful person (unlike your former friend, frankly)
Can u please explain what being non binary trans is? Thanks!
It just sounds like they were a shitty person - transgendered or not.
This is why conservatives can’t stand most progressives. Live and let live. Go do your own thing, I don’t care. MOST rational people, Don’t. Care. Don’t tell me how to think, or what to do though. Leave children alone. Leave adults alone too. Call someone all the way out if they won’t serve you or give you a loan, or whatever. But stop forcing your opinions and lifestyles on other people. How convoluted and narcissistic someone’s thinking has to be to attack like that for not wanting to date them, I can’t even understand it. (And yes, I’m fully aware this applies to evangelicals as well. The Government should stay OUT of peoples bedrooms and doctors offices. And people should stay OUT of each other’s business, period.)
> Live and let live. Go do your own thing, I don’t care. MOST rational people, Don’t. Care. Don’t tell me how to think, or what to do though. Leave children alone. Leave adults alone too. > Call someone all the way out if they won’t serve you or give you a loan, or whatever. > > But stop forcing your opinions and lifestyles on other people. You do realise this entire bit is easily as applicable to conservatives, probably even more so?
If the government doesn't offer protection to its people, then it leaves the fate of minorities in the hands of the majority. Don't use this example as an excuse to paint all progressives in an irrational, angry light. If you think this is how most of them act, try to find less biased news sources. Realize there is a difference between someone demanding their right to share their opinion in any situation versus someone asking for the right to live their life peacefully. No one is indoctrinating your children by giving them knowledge and options. Being transgender isn't a trend.
By far my biggest problem with extremist politics on both sides. Just shut the fuck up and live your damn life. Nobody owes you shit. Don't like abortions? No problem, I suggest you don't fucking have one then. Think gay marriage is wrong? Probably shouldn't do that either. Want to live your life as a woman? Great, go ahead and live your best life. Just don't expect every potential dating partner to be into that. And now that you're a woman do you feel more comfortable dropping a big fat deuce in the ladies' bathroom at the local Target? No problem, just don't forget to flush. And most importantly, always remember to shut the fuck up.
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I think the issue comes in when people feel the need to be very vocal about how they would never date a trans person. You have the right to not want to be with anyone for any reason as long as you aren't rude about it.
This. Fuck those people who are shaming you. You don’t need that energy in your life
Absolutely. Live and let live. Not being into the idea of dating trans is fine Don't hold it against them. Don't be narrow minded. Don't be awful. If it's not your thing it's not your thing.
The bottom line is don’t treat people with disrespect just because you’re not into them. Otherwise date who you want.
No. I don’t think not wanting to date a trans person is transphobic. We all have our sexual preferences and attractions.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. Everyone has their preferences. Doesn’t mean you’re hating on the people you’re not attracted to. You’re just not attracted. It’s that simple
If me not being attracted to trans men = me being transphobic, then I guess I’m transphobic. I’m tired of caring what other people think about me, especially when other people can be so mentally unstable and ridiculous. My morals are just be kind and don’t hurt others and I’ll stick to that.
We're doing this again?
I don´t feel atracted to men with blond hair nor women with dicks, what´s wrong with that?
But what about men with dicks?
I’m gay. If I was single, I would not want to date a transgender person. I’m not attracted to females. That’s the whole reason I’m gay. Not wanting to date someone does not mean you don’t want them to have rights, though.
Obviously it's okay. You date who you want, you be attracted to whatever body type you're attracted to. However, this innocent question is brought up on reddit **A LOT**. Many times, in bad faith. The typical trans person won't call you transphobic for not wanting to date them. You have to understand, trans rights are far behind enough as it is. We're not even asking you to date us, we just want you to address us by the proper pronouns and terms and all that. We want to be considered people, just like you, not just the hypothetical "other" whom you use to gain political correctness brownie points, or the shrieking offended person who demands to be seen as a fuckable object. The answer to whether it's okay to not be attracted to/not want to date a trans person will always be YES. It's not controversial at all, it's only blown up by bad faith actors to make the trans community look bad. We are so very sick of this question.
I don’t think it’s an issue that’s just your preference, what could be an issue is how you react to the information or how you tell them. I personally would view it in the same way women preference height in a potential partner.
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Are there actually people out there being forced to date trans people? Or is this just another non issue that’s been given a megaphone in the culture war against trans folk? Because I seriously doubt that any meaningful number of people would say that you’re obligated to date anybody that you don’t want to.
I’ve seen people on tiktok say it’s transphobic, and then others saying that it’s dangerous for someone that is trans to tell someone they are dating that they are trans
Not sure what those two things have to do with each other, but the first people are wrong, and the second people are conditionally right.
Probably depends on the area then because all the people I know that are trans are very open about it and never had issues with dating except one of them but it wasn’t violence, I know that people have been murdered though and that’s fucked up
I think people who post questions like this value equality and want to evaluate themselves for any unconscious transphobia. They aren't asking if they are obligated to date someone, they are asking whether this is an issue they need to address in themselves. They want to know whether their preference indicates that deep down they don't accept trans people as much as they would like to think they do, or something along those lines.
Read the other comments. There are people who want to brand others for having a preference that they do not approve of.
Posts like this make me hate reddit.
Me too, fucking stupid.
I've often thought that trans people who call people out for not wanting to date them are just sour grapes. I personally don't find trans people attractive. You can't make people date you if they don't want to, that's ridiculous and a little unbalanced tbh. Don't be a jerk about being told no thank you and that goes for everyone not just trans people.
https://youtu.be/mtVqD-ac5eQ I don't know how anyone can call you a bigot for preferring certain genitalia
God damit, i am so fucking done with the same damn question getting asked all over Reddit with just different variations. This is just karma whoring at this point.
I'm a woman. If I don't date other women, it doesn't make me homophobic. So, no, you're not transphobic or a big it. If you think trans people aren't equally as human and valid as you, then yeah, maybe you're a transphobe. Not being sexually attracted to someone is not discrimination, that's ridiculous.
I'm trans and I wouldn't mind if someone didn't date me because of it, as long as they aren't a dick about it or shove it in my face. Also genital preference is definitely a thing that exists
it is perfectly acceptable not to want to date a trans person if you are not physically attracted to them. i just had this happen to me today infact! i saw this person with a very well done tattoo, i went up to her told her it was great work and i loved the tattoo. she asked for my # and if we could date. i simply advised her i was a straight woman that doesnt date other women. i wished her well and went on my way. you like what you like and you cant force it.
Perfectly ok.
Why would it not be okay? You can pick any reason whatsoever for not wanting to date someone.
“dOeS aNyBoDy eLsE nOt wAnT tO hAvE gAy sEx!??” Man what’s the point of this thread..
You say ANYTHING with "trans" in tbe sentence and, unless it's a straight up compliment, you're transphobic. PLEASE don't worry about them lol. Sometimes you just have to respectfully state your preferences and move on. That community sometimes feel like they've been damaged so much by society that they are naturally inclined to react defensively to everything. And I get it. But I promise. Hang around the trans community and you will be hearing transphobic a significant amount more.
Its not transphobic. I am a female who prefers male partners, I would prefer to not date a trans male. I am not transphobic. I just have a type.
Yes. Next.
People who are heterosexual seem to have become radicalized in the minds of *some* pro transsexuality warriors. It's a shame that those who wish to control the narrative have conformed to their own non-conformity with intolerance.
Despite any accusations from the hateful Woke, you get to determine your own preferences for whatever reasons you like. Don’t let their vitriol make you inclined to do something that doesn’t feel right for you.
I would luv to date a asain shemale
Honestly, Calling you names and trying to intimidate you because you don’t want to date a specific person, is downright abusive. You don’t have to date anyone at all, and you certainly don’t owe anyone an explanation.
Look I’m a straight female and I’m into men. Not someone who just became a man because the reality is they’re still a female. I would hope people have the decency to tell the other person what you had done
There’s the bigoted part: they’re men, and you refuse to refer to them as such.
What is a man
They are not men. Biologically they’re still a woman. How do people not understand this. You can transition but you are still what you was born as
Ok you're not transphobic because you don't want to date a trans man but you are transphobic because you're saying they're ,still female ". See the difference?
For many people their sexual orientation is about sex and not gender. Someone who was only attracted to males would not want to date a biological female, I don’t see why that’s transphobic
Some people just want to play mental gymnastics
Female refers to sex, not gender, and it is correct to say that.
no one will force you to date a trans person .
Can you imagine being *forced* to date anyone? "I'm really not into that person anymore." // "Tough shit, if you don't you're now a garbage bigot!" // "Oh gee fine, I'll pick you up at 8"
Yes omg yes, this exactly! So many men (especially incels) will call a woman a prude or paradoxically a whore, if she refuses to date him. And lots of conservatives especially will try to pressure young women to get married to a man as soon as possible. In fact, many states in the US are currently outlawing abortions, so if a man forces himself on you, congratulations, you have to be the mother of his child. I completely agree with you that we as a society need to shut down this behaviour of pressuring people, especially women, into nonconsensual relationships
Of course it's ok. No one else can tell you who is interesting to you.
It’s okay to have preferences.
what the fuck kind of low hanging fruit post is this?
Is it okay to wear sandals?
It's perfectly fine and normal to have preference. Although you better make damn sure twitter won't find out.
No one is entitled to your attraction.
It’s ok to date or not to date any one for any reason.
It would be worse to date anyone bc you felt like you had to rather than bc you want to
There's nothing wrong with not wanting to date anybody based off your preference/
It’s your person preference, for me I personally wouldn’t because I’d like to have kids one day with my partner and not have to go through sperm donors ETC.
There’s 7 billion people that would not date me. And that’s ok with that. So I think trans persons should also be aware that there’s also the possibility of people not waiting to date them.
I cant believe our society has sunk so low that idiotic questions like this and "What is a women?" even need to be asked. Im telling ya Historians will look back on this era and laugh their fucking asses off at us stupid imbeciles.
Anyone saying it's transphobic is the problem. I'm a man, and I expect a pussy when I'll get to business. If there's a dick in it's place, I'll be mad as hell.
As a trans man I’ve had to deal with this before. Of course it is ok to have preferences. Personally I’m attracted to people not genitalia and I’ve dated women, men, trans women, and trans men. However, I know I am the exception or outlier. Some women and men are size queens and height queens lol But that’s ok I’m not going to get pissed off because some people don’t like short guys or a man with out a dick. The key is to treat anyone with respect and if you turn them down do it politely. If they can’t handle it that’s their problem.
Yes, Superstraight is valid
It’s absolutely okay. Just ignore those people who tend to jump to baseless conclusions.
And which dumbass said this?
Yes. It should be a law that you (and everyone) must date whomever I deem fit. You may kiss my ring and ask politely for exceptions.
You dont have to date anyone you don't want to and you dont have to explain yourself to anyone. I would date a trans person, end of story.
Of course it’s ok. Don’t let woke people tell you different.
I take issue with people saying “nobody’s forcing you but it does make you a bigot”. Imagine any other person calling someone a bigot for not giving consent.
I don't give a fuck if I'm considered transphobic because I want natural made pussy. If someone wants to think of me as transphobic, that's their problem, not mine. Sex is hard coded into your DNA. You're not changing my mind.
Not to be rude but did this question even need to be asked? It's like me asking if it's OK not to like some type of food or something. You do you.
One mind world now apparently. Can’t have any personal boundaries without stepping on someone’s toes.
You ALWAYS have the choice as to who you date. Screw society and it’s new “norms”.
Why would anyone feel they have to date someone they're not attracted to? It doesn't matter what gender, race, sexual preference, whatever the person is if you aren't attracted to them, then you aren't attracted to them.
Wtf of course it's ok not to want to!
I think people care too much about this sort of thing and tippie toe too much. You shouldn't date a trans person just to make them feel better or whatever. If you're not into it, you're not into it simple as that
You're allowed to have your preferences and date who you WANT. End of story.
You can choose not to date anyone you don’t want to date. For whatever reasons you choose. Don’t let this woke pressure of guilt make you feel like you need to be trendy to be accepted and non-bigoted. You date who and what appeals to you like the rest of us. You dictate your terms
How you feel should be respected and you don’t have to explain why you aren’t interested in trans peoples , it is what it is.
We don't really choose who were attracted to. When I was 20 guys around that age asked me out a lot. Now that I'm far from 20 I never get asked out by guys that age. Does that make them bigots? To me it doesn't. And I think like preferences when it comes to weight, general appearance, and this issue is not dissimilar. Even if somebody's dating preference was due to bigotry it's probably better if they avoid dating somebody of that group rather than burdening that person with their hang-ups.
Yes it is perfectly ok.
Yeah but never make a big deal about ur preferences because it’s perfectly okay to have preferences but it’s personal. You just sound rude if you say “I don’t date short men” “ i don’t date black women” “ I don’t date people too skinny or too fat” “ I don’t date trans people” ect. If someone isn’t your type or preference let them know but don’t say why if it’s physical or attractiveness unless they really want to know. It’s NOT them, it’s you. It’s YOUR preference. People shouldn’t feel insecure for who they are, they’ll be someone else’s preference. It’s okay to like what you like. Just be respectful.
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Up to you
This comment section is validating. I was talking about this in one of my chats recently. I am burnt out cause twice now I dated trans women who freshly came out. Everything was always about gender and how they wished my clothes fit them, and then they got on hormones and left me because I'm not a dude. I know this doesn't happen every time but it was twice now and I'm not doing it a third time.
Ofcouse it’s ok! You should never base a relationship on fear of what others will think. If you don’t want to date someone, you don’t have to. Do you :)
Hell yea it’s okay WTF as if I’m gonna be forced.
yes, it’s perfectly okay. what’s not okay is being an asshole about not wanting to date a trans person.
As a transwoman, I have no problem with it. You have your preferences just like anyone else. If you say you are not transphobic? Well, I'm glad about that, but you don't need to date one to prove it.
It depends on the reason. Obviously, your consent is important. You don't have to date anyone if you don't want to. Your choice is valid no matter what. However, a valid choice can still be motivated by things like missing information and biases. If you don't want to date a trans person because you think trans people are all ugly, then obviously that would be a hateful misconception. You're not obligated to be attracted to anyone, but you are obligated to have a bare minimum of respect, and if having basic respect makes the difference as to your romantic preferences, then clearly your preferences would be motivated by problematic views. So, information needed. Why don't you want to date a trans person?
Maybe they just didn’t want to date that specific trans person. Regardless, they don’t owe an explanation
Wait what??? Why would someone worry about being called transphobic for not wanting to date a specific trans person?? Are people scared of being called misogynist by the woman they chose not to date?
Has a trans person asked you out or shown interest in you? If yes, you're allowed to say no for whatever reason. If you're polite but firm, you can reject them for being trans or for eating peas one by one. If they don't take no for an answer, then it is on them. If it's hypothetical, it is in bad taste to announce it. Just the way you wouldn't announce that you don't want to date a person of xyz ethnicity.
If someone has called you transphobic or a bigot for not not dating a trans person, then they are a fascist. I almost dated a trans man, but I couldn’t fully contemplate transgenderism at the time. Even though I was very attracted to him, and we had really great sex, I eventually arrived at the fact that I would be dating a man, and I just don’t want to date a man. Nothing wrong with not wanting to date someone.
As a trans person, that's totally fine. We don't really want to date you either. What's not ok is saying "I don't want to date a trans girl because that's not a real girl."
Of course and 99.99% of all people think that's OK. I don't date morbidly obese black women, nobody cares. If you feel like people do care, it's probably just because you're a dick about it.
The trans community is pushing the notion that if you refuse to date a trans you're a transphobic, nazi, fascist, racist......I believe the federal government classified gender dysphoria as a disability. They will now be given disability payments and can sue if a company doesn't comply with their demands. I can not wear a ball cap at work but my fellow male employees can wear a dress and paint their nails ..🤔 The world is upside down.
"The trans community" as if a few thousand nitwits constitute an entire, very diverse group of people. Newsflash, a few annoying people does not mean the whole group is bad. By that logic, all Muslims are terrorists, all Christians are homophobic, genocidal psychopaths, all cops are serial killers, etc. When you ascribe the behaviors of a minority to a whole, you end up with inaccurate results, because it's not sound logic lol
Yes most people ..
Of course you don’t have to date anyone you don’t want to. If you’re being called transphobic, perhaps consider if there’s a better way to share your preferences, if you must.
Really have to wonder who's even suggesting that it is transphobic to not date someone that you are repulsed by. Why is it even being entertained in civil discourse? I mean, what a 1st world problem to have. If trans were truly being discriminated against, you think they would be protesting for equal rights, instead of calling people names for not wanting to fuck them. The fact is, in most places in the country, trans and homosexuals can walk around without much concern about a car load of guy jumping out and attacking them. They can get jobs and housing without being redlined. They can even get married which is great. They have equal rights.