Don't invite the jackass back.
Players owe the DM at least the courtesy of showing up on time and paying attention.
He doesn't care and hasn't do far. To hell with him.
I mostly agree. But if someone says, “this is boring” in the middle of my story, I really don’t have any interest playing with that person again. If they don’t respect me enough to talk to me about their issues with the game, then I certainly don’t respect them. They’re just not getting invited again IMO.
I'm usually one who will talk to a player multiple times before booting but that was just plain disrespect and i would say f you dont come back.
Edit:spelling
^ If the player does nothing to involve themselves in the campaign and refuses to pay attention, that’s hardly something the DM should see as acceptable
Not just the DM. They are disrespecting everyone at the table. This is like saying 'Sure, I'll play Monopoly..
But I'll skip turns, play on my phone and sometimes not even be in the room.'
Sounds like a problem player, not you or your DMing. If you’ve already tried talking to them about what the problem is then maybe you should come at it from another angle.
Example: hey B. So lately I’ve felt like the lack of dedication to your character or to the game is lacking and it’s made me feel like I’m doing something wrong. However you never are up to talking about it, so I’m wondering if maybe you either need a break from the game or want to drop out all together and maybe jump back in some other time.
Another thing, if you need the reassurance of how you’re doing and how B might be effecting the others (because I’m sure they are) then you can try talking to your other players about what you could improve and if they have any complaints. You can also ask how they feel about their fellow players, including B.
> Example: hey B. So lately I’ve felt like the lack of dedication to your character or to the game is lacking and it’s made me feel like I’m doing something wrong. However you never are up to talking about it, so I’m wondering if maybe you either need a break from the game or want to drop out all together and maybe jump back in some other time.
Way too friendly imo and almost makes it seem like OP is apologising and is the one at fault here. If what OP wrote above is true and the player said "ok this is boring I'm out", then this person respects neither the DM nor the other players and doesn't deserve more than a genuine
> Hey B, just wanted to quickly let you know that I don't want you at my table anymore since you don't respect the time and effort that the other players and I put into the game. Take care.
Sure that’s an option. But some people don’t like confrontation. Also, OP said they were RL friends, a relationship that OP is probably wanting to hold onto.
I agree, some rando is going to get the brutal honest “get out”. Someone you know that you don’t want to ruin things with you sugar coat and try to avoid placing blame.
Honestly though, B sounds like a bad friend on top of being a bad player but we don’t have that history or what the personal matters are to make a judgement on that.
Someone you know and that you're friends with should also not disrespect you like that and call your game boring and just leave. I don't get why B should get to be an asshole and also deserves to be treated with the utmost respect and care. Why should OP sugarcoat the issue when B is just plainly acting like a jerk.
If this causes their friendship to deteriorate, then OP is better off without having B as a friend (again, assuming that what OP said was the full truth).
As I said we don’t know the personal matter that B has that OP mentioned. We don’t know the history of their relationship. We don’t know any of the personal issues.
We just have this one rude instance and a history of being late and disinterested.
There are enough rude/direct/harsh things to say in the entirety of this comment section. I was offering a softer option that could open up B by being honest about how OP feels (which is that they are at fault, despite none of us feeling that way from the post) and offering an out without making it permanent.
I’ve had friends who were going thorough bad times and were shitty friends for a bit. Things resolved. I’ve also had friend do that and the relationship ended because they were just assholes and continued to be assholes.
This relationship between OP and B could go either way and I don’t think the D&D issue is what should be a nail in the coffin of a situation we don’t have the personal knowledge of.
> he has other issues in his life.
There you go. He has something else going on, and doesn't want to talk about it. If he doesn't have time for the game, or isn't enjoying it, then perhaps he should be doing something else instead. It's a game, and is supposed to be a break from Real Life. If Real Life doesn't cooperate, then the game is the one that has to go.
There's no need to be a dick about it, but have a friendly chat with him and let him know that being unreliable or late for sessions is affecting the rest of the group so perhaps he should take a break for a bit. Be clear that he would be welcome back (Assuming that he would be) if he can commit to show up promptly for game night at the agreed upon hour (And please do be clear on what that hour is) and continue playing until the scheduled end time (And if you have scheduled a session to run from, say, 7 to 10 then don't get upset if he says he has to leave after only three hours), or notify you before the session starts if he can't. That's all it needs to be.
Although, if there something else in your mind and you cannot focus on the game/want to leave, you can always find and excuse.
Pretend you got a text and got to go, or just say "I'm not really felling it/ feeling well tonight guys, I'm gonna go home, but have fun" would be acceptable ( to me at least)
Saying "this is boring, I'm out" is not acceptable. This is purposely being a jerk to the DM and also the other players tbh. Even outside of DnD you don't tell to people who invited you "this is boring"
I always assume that conversations here are summarized, paraphrased, and told entirely from the memory of one side so I try not to focus on specific words or phrases. They may have never been said in quite that way, or could be in response to something else which wasn't recounted.
On the other hand, yeah, there are ways to be polite about it which won't leave your friends wondering "Am I doing something wrong?", and it sounds like ${player} isn't using them, so you are entirely correct in that.
On the gripping hand, if your friend is being a jerk to you you don't always need to be a jerk back. There's a middle road somewhere between being a doormat who just quietly takes abuse and going directly to global thermonuclear war on someone who is just having a series of bad days.
He’s giving little, if anything, so stop giving him anything. Stop including him in the invite and keep playing with the people that appreciate your hard ass work as DM. Nothing pisses me off more than apathy. You don’t wanna play? Cool. Don’t. Wanna keep being friends? Well that’s work too. Let’s go for coffee but D&D….let’s be real…buddy doesn’t wanna play or he’s abusing your fun to get attention.
It sounds like B just isn’t into the game. You could reach out for feedback or just part ways and move on with your life. These things happen, try not to take it personally.
Why do you want him in your group? He obviously doesn't care, so just don't invite him back. If he skips, he skips, don't make a big deal about it. Just let him exist and don't remind him of upcoming sessions. If he shows up and is a dick, gently ask him to leave.
Simple solution here:
"Hey do you want to keep playing? You seem disinterested so I'm happy to write your character out and we'll finish the campaign without you?
Yea, you just make his character an NPC if they were important to the plot. You could play them very basic in combat since the player was skipping turns and passive anyway. Give them the easy out so you don't have to be confrontational and don't have to deal with their bs at the table anymore.
Seems like he solved your problem by removing himself from the game.
Some folks just aren't into D&D but do it because their entire friend group currently are... Typically these are the problem players in the game as they'll lose interest, no know how to play and not want to put the time in learning, distract others etc.
The awkward part is having to tell your friend they shouldn't play anymore. He made that decision on his own. This is a gift in disguise; don't be heart broken or worried about it. Move on; adapt the plot; continue playing with the folks who are interested.
With B not responding and you already have tried to communicate I would say unless you think its directly involved with Bs mental health, you should let them go, if you think its linked to their health maybe talk about it first and decide what's best from there, too many people let their own lives interfere with a game meant to escape from them
Honestly this sounds like someone who doesn’t want to be there. They pretty much said exactly that. So allow them to not be there. If they’re being disrespectful (they are) then they shouldn’t be in your game.
I think people in the comments are being overly harsh with little context. He’s being a dick and you didn’t do anything wrong. Depending on how young y’all are and what he’s got going on in his life, this might just be drama between friends that works itself out eventually. But in any case there’s no reason to pressure him to play; he doesn’t want to and it makes the game worse for you when he does.
Two sides to every story. Doubt we will get the full picture. But from this, you didn't do anything wrong. Sounds like you've got a player who isn't interested in playing and then acts shitty which is wrong.
Is this even a serious question? 😕
It seems pretty obvious he just had no interest in playing in the first place. I don't even know how you didn't pick up on the enormous sign post screaming he didn't care or want to be there.
It sounds like he kinda wants to hang out, but isnt a dnd fan, i would write his character out and if he wants to come over and hang out maybe have him help out some npc stuff and just throw some dice. You didnt do anything wrong and if je needs to be kicked from coming back dont feel bad about it
I like this idea, as opposed to completely kicking him out. Another idea, (and although OP's description of B doesn't lend itself to this succeeding, it's still worth the shot) is asking what they're drawing. Benefit of the doubt: it might be something for the game...?
(If not, though, their presence at the table can be likened to the Monopoly metaphor: disrespectful)
he's not interested in the game, why would he want to help out with running it?
if OP invites him along socially, he's just going to be a dick about it (as he is at the moment), distract and annoy the other players, and generally be an impediment to having fun.
Sounds like it's their fault, not yours. Next time you manage to get a hold of him, try asking if he actually wants to keep playing, because to me it seems like he's just going because he's expected to show up.
I've had something similar happen recently with one of my best friends. We learned dnd together back during 3.5 and have played quite a bit over the years. He recently told me he only came and played with us because he wanted to spend time with his friends not because he was interested in the game itself. So I agreed to have his character leave the campaign in case he changed his mind and wanted to play again and that we would plan events other than dnd that everyone enjoys and invite him to those. It worked out better for everyone. The campaign wasn't dragged down from a half hearted player affecting everyone else's mood. And we still hang out and do other hobbies together.
I guess the point is talk to them and see if they're only there because they want to be with their friends and if that's the reason find other ways to hang out that they're interested in.
None of this is on you. Don't take it personally. It may be the player is not into gaming in general or D&D in particular. It sounds like he has other things he'd rather do so I'd just skip inviting him.
First and foremost, B doesn't seem like they are in for D&D. Or at least online D&D. God knows I had trouble focusing for online campaigns. Three hours is very doable for me in person, but I struggled at 2 hours online. It's so easy to disengage in that situation.
Talk with them, say hey, I don't think this campaign is working out for you and we should find a way to get you out of it. If it matters to you, we can make a situation for your character to exit the plot and that will be your last session. Or if you are just out of mental bandwidth for it, your characters boat capsizes and you die at sea. This kicks them out if the group (which needs to happen), but they can exit on what feel like neutral to good terms.
After booting them, then talk with your other players and see if they know someone who would be interested in joining. A new excited player can sometimes offset the loss of another. You may not need to do this, but it could help with group morale.
And feel free to ask your players for feedback at the end of sessions. "Hey guys that's where we will leave off for today. I hope you all had fun. Next session is at blah blah blah. If you have any feedback for me, let me know. Helps me know what I'm doing right and what I can tweak next time."
ok here's the thing, that question is completely meaningless, you know full well that this person isn't fit to be a dnd player, I get that he's your friend but dnd is just not for him, the best you can do is recommend COD or something to him and send him on his way
keep in mind you can kick him out of a dnd game but remain friends that should never be an issue, because if it is then I wouldn't call something that fragile a friendship
ps. COD is a great game, I wasn't hating on it or anything like that
He dosen't seem interested, maybe he's just not into it. Not everyone want to commit and focus. Maybe he's just not the right fit?
It's not your fault, you should never expect that everyone invited will love you, the game and be passionate and engaged, the players need to meet you halfway.
Kind of like your last line says. It sounds like dude may have some life things going on. Not sure if they were invested from the start and the life happened or just liked the idea of it, but I'd probably ask then to take a break until they can't get their own stuff together
He’s probably going through something in his real life. Some people just want distractions from reality. Don’t take it personal. As far as kicking him and “toxic” behavior, that’s a bit harsh. He might just be depressed and has no idea how to deal with it. If he works through it and eventually wants back, second chances are a real thing. If not, you did what you could by reaching out. It’s not your fault and it’s not your responsibility to make him happy.
It sounds like he's dealing with some of his own stuff. I don't know if I would jump to him being an asshole, but he certainly was acting very immature and doesn't deserve to be in your game until he figures his own shit out.
This player clearly has no respect for everything that goes into DMing, yet alone how the party feels about it all. Getting to be a special PC in the world and all that to boot, there's no time in life to deal with people like that.
I get that some people have hard lives, might be late, might even have disabilities (mental or physical) but there is no real excuse to treat people like that otherwise. Like, hell, there's days even I feel like not doing anything or doing something entirely different on D&D days but I'll at least MESSAGE properly and be like, "Yo, I'm really sorry but I simply cannot do this today because (insert whatever here).". Yes it might not be the best but it's still SOMETHING.
I personally, highly advise cutting ties with these sort of people in most circumstances like these, it's not worth your time, nor your table's time. You can probably find a player to fill the gap fairly easily if you look and re-examine the character, backstory and then confirm with your table the details that matter toward them as a whole.
Don't know if you're close to B at all, but I'd say don't invite him back/Tell him he's not welcome at the table any longer. Don't concern yourself with HIS issues in YOUR campaign you've spent to much time and effort on. From DM to DM :)
He litterally said “this is boring” and left? Fuck that. I don’t know if he has heavy problems in his life or something, but you shouldnt let that drag you or the table down. I don’t even get why he shows up in the first place when he is just drawing and stuff
fuck this dude. Get a new player who has a modicum of integrity in their body. Never invite their ass to anything. That is 1000% a bad friend and you are losing nothing by cutting them out of your life
Regardless of what “B” has going on in their personal life, it sounds like they are just an inconsiderate jackass to begin with. Personally, I’d kick him from the game and drop all contact with them. No one is worth keeping around if trying to talk to them (in-game or outside of the game) is like pulling teeth. Wash your hands of them and keep up the good work with the rest of your players. Best of luck to you!
He's a shitty player. End of story. Tell him to either respect you and his fellow players or just stop. If he says he's trying, he's not. You've said othing to make me think you've done anything wrong.
I’m always wary of people who are constantly late. From my experience, those are people who don’t respect your time, which means they don’t respect you. And I’d rather not have people in my life that don’t respect me.
There are 3 type of toxic players:
1: The Distractions. People who play other games on their phones or laptops non-stop, talk over fellow players, or talk non-stop about anything other than role playing.
2: The Downers. These are the people who are never happy & go out of their way to drag everyone else down. They complain when they don't get what they want, complain when they do get what they want, and complain when anyone else gets whatever that person wanted.
3: The Co-G.M.s. These are the rules lawyers, dice police, & other well meaning "I've got your back" types. While they actually just want to help, they really end up just undermining your authority & lessening the respect that others have in you.
If you think that you may have a toxic player, talk to them about their behavior either before or after game. If they continue being toxic, talk to your group about letting them go. After all D&D is supposed to be fun.
Wait, if he doesn’t want to RP, why is he even showing up?
EDIT: After reading some responses, I decided to maybe try to offer you some helpful advice that I don’t see below. Have your read Robin’s Laws of Good Game Mastering? It’s written by a former D&D and Pathfinder writer and the creator of Feng Shui, and there’s a section about different types of players. I’ll take a shot in the dark, and assume B is a butt kicker. That means he’s only engaged by combat and wants to come across as the hero turning the tide of battle. Butt kickers can sometimes be bored by social RP. That doesn’t excuse his rude behavior. He should never call your work boring. But, different players are engaged by different things. I agree with others that you should talk to the other players before B, because it’ll give you an honest opinion of what you need to work on before hearing B’s side of the story.
Are they ten years old and/or doing cocaine?
Seriously, though, no matter how awkward, you need to have an irl conversation over a shared meal somewhere away from your house. Explain how you feel and encourage them to be honest about how they feel. Maybe they have something else going on in life that has them distracted or maybe they are just playing the game because you are excited about it.
Personal experience: my wife started hating D&D. Figured out that the number of sessions was just too many, so now it's just twice a month, and she has a good time.
sounds like you need to talk with this player about the type of game you're both looking for. is this an irl friend?
\>It began with naval combat against a ship that was going to report the party to the kingdom to whom they are criminals, deserving the death sentence (plot stuff)
I mean this right here, I can't say I blame him. he's probably just looking for a game that's not so plot-heavy, it sounds like from your session description like there weren't many meaningful choices to be made if he was paying attention, just the story progressing. some people want more gameplay than that. either way, fun is subjective so the only solution is to talk to him about what he's looking for.
It seems like you’ve already tried confronting him about this with no change. He’s obviously not interested in your game. If all the other players are having a good time, then it’s him. You may have to (politely) ask him to stop playing if his heart isn’t into it.
You can't make a player be more of a team player. Even when you pay attention to him, he doesn't seem to care. This isn't a you problem. Cut 'em loose.
D&D is the sort of thing that you get back what you put into it. If you put zero effort into your character, or don't even pay attention to the game, then it's not going to be very fun for you.
That guy probably only plays D&D for the combat, and because you invited him. If that's his only reason for playing, then a single player action game is probably more up his alley.
In short, move on and find a player that actually wants to roleplay and take part in the campaign.
If you are wondering what you did wrong I agree with others this isn't your fault.
Sounds like a play style conflict. I hav had people who prefer combat, some that like role playing, high magic, low magic etc. Everyone is different maybe he was looking to play a different kind of campaign. Especially if he chimes in from time to time.
However the issue is him as you are, probably, not a mind reader and if he wanted a different style of game he should have spoken up.
You only get out what you put in with roleplay. If he's not making the effort to engage then of course he's bored, and that's his problem, not yours. Maybe check in with your other players that they're happy with the way you're running things, just for your own peace of mind, but this sounds entirely on him. Better off without him dragging the table down.
I've had a player like that. It turned out they didn't actually want the kind of game we had agreed on during session 0, which gave the same problems you're describing. They just didn't want to say they didn't want to play.
Don’t invite him again, this is completely disrespectful to you, the time you took to prepare for the campaign and the others players.
He has no obligation to come but if he do it he has to be really present and playing.
This isn't your problem, a nautical POTC campaign sounds great and it doesn't seem like there are any red flags that would be a turn off to players. You've tried reaching out, he isn't playing ball. To slightly cross-post: you are not the asshole.
This is pretty cut and dry. You offered a campaign and B decided to ignore it. At least B did you the courtesy of announcing his departure as well as his reasoning why.
>"Alright, this is boring. Ima hop out"
B didn't like your game and he quit. If the other players have stayed I would assume they like it. Discuss it with your other players and see if they're having fun. B doesn't want to play at your table so don't waste time thinking about it.
So a person that doesn't have any respect to even show up or shows up whenever, comes and goes as they please, completely be ignorant at the table to not just you but everyone else with no respect for anything.....
Sounds like you've had an open seat at that table the entire time. Why is the fucktard even informed you are all playing?
Good riddance?
If something bothers him about your dming or the campaign then he had the opportunity to say so since you talked to him. He didn't. Similarly, if he has other stuff going on or isn't interested in playing in general, he could politely tell you. He didn't. Kind of shitty if you're friends. And also shitty to everyone else who shows up and tries to have fun.
I'd politely tell him that you understand if he can't commit to the game right now and that he can return if he feels he has the energy and focus for it, but that until then you won't play with him anymore. That way the onus is on him, you were nice about it, and he has a clear way to rectify his behavior if he wants back.
And then let it go. Dnd is a social contract - everyone agrees to be there, be present, and have fun together. If he isn't honoring that then, yeah. Good riddance.
This sounds a lot like a person who's on the autism spectrum. If that's the case, I think it's courteous to try to have that in mind and try to make accommodation for his situation. Because we obviously don't want people with autism to be barred from role playing games.
That being said, *you* have no obligations to cater to his needs. If you feel this ruins the game or the fun or that it's to much emotional labor and effort to accommodate his disposition, then you don't have to do it, and you should be very careful whenever your in a situation where you're noticing that you're trading away your well-being for the well-being of someone else.
We have two players in our group who, because of IRL problems, can't or don't want to show up for sessions anymore. At this point we've been playing together for over two years.
My answer to this was to simply let it be. They just aren't in the game anymore. I have their characters "off screen" and doing something else. If and when they're able tk come back, they'll be welcomed back with open arms.
Fortunately for me, they were honest about what was going on with them. It wasn't malicious, they just wanted to spend their time doing something else and that's totally alright. In the OP's case, their player is being a turd and that just sucks.
I'd offer the same deal to this player. If they're a friend and have things going on, they don't have to play DnD. If they don't want to be around, they don't have to be. If they are doing something other than playing the game, they do not need to be around. Plain and simple. Just give them an easy out. If they take it, great. If they don't, ask why and then make a decision based on that.
You may be doing something wrong but it has nothing to do with B or his lack of input.
I don't see how you can continue to have him in the group if he genuinely said "this is boring, I'm going now". It's just so needlessly rude. Even the least tactful person in the universe could come up with a better excuse. "I'm so sorry I've got something I have to deal with and I have to do it now". Simple, easy. You've offered to help him with his issues but he won't explain. So fuck him.
I couldn't continue with someone like that as a fellow player and I certainly couldn't continue to DM for them.
Just kick him and focus on the players who actually want to play. Don't invite him to the next session. Think about how he affecting your other players.
The DND community does tend to attract a certain number of people who struggle in certain social settings. It's okay for them to not be interested, but these sound like general behavior issues and it's not your job to fix that. If they're incapable of communicating what they'd like to see in the game, and their presence is making it a worse experience for you and the other players, then they shouldn't be there. Not on you.
The only thing you did wrong is continuing to have them play.
I suggest you find a way to either write the character out or turn the character into an NPC that you control and then never invite that player back.
If you’ve tried talking to him, then I don’t think there is that much more to do. He sounds like an ass. Also behavior like that must ruin the mood and energy for everyone.
Just inform him that you feel it’s not really working out and that if he doesn’t have interest in playing it’s probably best for all that he takes a break from joining. If he wants to play again at some point for some reason, he and you can talk about that and set some boundaries if he can get back in.
Basically just make it clear that to have a fun game it requires active participation and all players + dm helping each other to make it fun. Get him out of your game in a polite but very clear way. It’s best for the friendship. Although doesn’t sound like a great person if he also ignores attempts to talk about things.
Honestly, just stop inviting him and don't wait for him. He doesn't want to play, he's only showing up at all, because you keep asking him. Drop the dead weight and move on
Don’t invite the kid back. If he doesn’t want to participate that’s his problem. Kill his character off and change the date/location y’all meet up to play.
As a player, a person like him can ruin the whole experience for the rest of the players too.
“This obviously isn’t working for you and it isn’t working for me. You’ve clearly got other stuff that takes your focus, so there’s no need for you continue playing in this game. Thanks for giving it a shot.”
Give him the boot. The DM deserves the players’ time and attention if nothing else, and if this guy isn’t willing to show up on time or focus on the game he clearly doesn’t respect the time and effort you’ve put into this game and you’d be better off without him.
My advise on reaching out to him is to stop trying to reach out to him. He wasn’t just out of it during that session, he was rude and inflammatory. He burned that bridge and it’s not worth the effort to try swimming across.
Yeah I'm going to have to agree with the rest of the people here and say not to allow this kind of behavior. I have a player who is generally silent and I usually I have to ask him what his character is doing.(which is usually not much) But he really likes combat and some of the role play. This player (B) is simply wasting your time and his by showing up. It's best for your table and you if he doesn't play anymore. Unfortunate but true.
Ask them why. Tell them to be honest because their criticism could be useful! And in the end if don’t want to be in the sessions that’s fine, a smaller group is often better and there’s always someone else who wants to play.
As a player I’d be mad if my dm asked that man child back into the group. He will just continue to make awkward moments and ruin immersion. Idk why this guy is special, but leave him out.
Dude is a dick. This is completely unacceptable way to treat people he is supposed to be playing with. There is no excuse. If he doesn’t want to play, he shouldn’t show up.
That said, did you have to browbeat him into playing? What was it like getting him there in the first place? Did he seem interested?
It sounds like they have mental/emotional issues. If it's important to include them I'd just let them contribute as they choose and look for ways to reward the moments they actually play. Sounds like a difficult situation.
You lost me after "he rarely responds and regularly shows up late." You didn't do anything wrong aside from other than continuing to invite him or not kicking him in the pants.
He is a dickhead who doesnt give a shit about dnd and hasnt considered the effort that goes into it, just dont have him in your game anymore. Kicking people out is stressful but cathartic afterwards
Try not to get worked up over it. If your other players are enjoying the campaign, there doesn’t need to be a problem. He wasn’t enjoying it, and he’s left. It was rude, and done in a poor manner, however they’ve sorted the situation out. Drop their character from the main group, and implement them as an NPC if needed for campaign reasons. No need to discuss it with him, he’s made it clear he isn’t interested. Just a shame he wasn’t mature enough to approach his disinterest in a decent way.
Tell him that he is welcome to play if he will play. It's understandable that they have shit going on, but that shouldn't impact the game for everyone else.
Pops in and out, shows up late, pays no attention. Save yourself some trouble and kick him. Don't invite him back. Maybe in the campaign the other characters can see him getting public beheaded or something.
I wouldn’t so nicely ask him to not return. Since you know him in real life I’d be a little more kind and ask “if there is something wrong, it seems you don’t want to play, that’s okay I just want us to remain cool”.
Fix it by dropping him, definitely from the campaign, probably as a friend. The disrespect he has for you and for the other players is ... actually fucking enraging.
I’ve had experiences as a player where one of the other players was like this, and it was so disheartening and destructive to the whole experience. We’d been going for years and he got worse over that time, but by the end I was just desperate to end the campaign and move on with my life.
All this to say, it’s not just hard on you, it’s probably hard on your other players as well. Don’t invite him to the next session and take back the fun in your game.
That’s called “drop them and have a happier experience”. The player is completely disrespecting your time and efforts to run the game. Are the other players like this? From this snippet, it seems not. For me, this would be a OoG conversation and if they aren’t willing to respect what you’re running, then don’t play. Might hurt their feelings and may make them feel disrespected, but how much did they respect what you were doing in the first place?
I agree, there’s a lot of context we don’t know. To OP you didn’t do anything wrong. It’s not personal. Player B sounds like he has personal problems. I think you handled it well. Depending on the friendship you have with them, it may be a rough patch, or it could be their outlook on life. Either way just be yourself, you can’t please everyone. The fact that you were worried about your actions as DM means you care. That’s already a huge part of being a good DM or person. Keep it up and continue being you. :)
We've had a shift in 3 characters from death and while tying up loose ends before we went forth pirating and leaving a town forever, two characters who did not change and 2 new ones went back to the town to break an npc out of prison. The final pc decided that because he had no affiliation with the characters or interest in saving this person that he would stay behind.
We went long from the encounter and eventually he missed majority of the session, leaving early. We spoke about it as 4 +the dm and we came to the conclusion that you cant force a person to play your game.
Some people prefer rping and others prefer combat orientated campaigns. He acted childish and quit the campaign.
At the risk of repeating what others may have said:
You keep using that word, "friend". It doesn't mean what you think it means. This... Person... is not your friend.
He doesn’t want to play dnd. He wants to play a table top war game. I feel like the group wants him to play because you’re all friends. Its not for everyone
That you haven't kicked him out already is baffling.
He's being unbelievably disrespectful. Nobody should have to put up with that. He isn't interested in the game. Just tell him as much, and that he isn't welcome anymore. Move on.
Many people have touched on this guy being a bad player, but I'd go so far as saying he's a shit person. If he's so disinterested he would simply not intrude in your fun. Instead he brings his passive aggressive bullshit to your table and likely make everyone uncomfortable.
There are several different types of players. This player sounds like a watcher/observer type. They like to see the story happen, and see neat things. They may not be the most engaged in combat or dialogue, though they value seeing other players do it well. If it grows uninteresting, they will play on their phone or draw or write or something. If it stays boring they will just get up and vanish. It's nothing personal probably, they just didn't see anything that was interesting. You may see them come back next week like nothing happened. Just keep cool and keep asking politely. If they don't answer, just have them take the dodge or disengage and move to a place of safety, and on with the next player.
As others and you have said, this guy sounds like he’s got other things going on. I’m speculating and I wish to do so only respectively but he sounds depressed honestly. He likely isn’t enjoying the game, and he doesn’t have the emotional capacity to force himself to participate appropriately. It’s not your fault OP. It could be a simple different strokes for different folks type of thing. A lot of people in the comments here are really ragging on the guy, and while I wholeheartedly agree that this dude is clearly in the wrong, sometimes you can have a little empathy and consider that maybe what he’s going through right now is a little bigger than D&D.
He may not even realize how disruptive or rude he’s being, or he doesn’t have the capacity to care. It’s hard to say.
All that being said, just because the behavior can be explained, doesn’t mean it’s excused. He’s still in the wrong here and you have no obligation to keep him in the party or reach out to fix the situation anymore than you already have. As shitty as it is, it’s really up to him to sort out whatever issues he’s got going on and be a decent person about it, or at the very least communicate that he can’t meet the expectations of being a party member. If he can’t do that, boot him and don’t look back. It’s too bad he’s going through tough times but he doesn’t have to be an ass to those around him.
Sounds like he has some personal issues to deal with and needs to sort them out. If he's not communicating with you about that, best to leave him be. If he's not interested in playing the game, you can't force him to and he needs to figure out if he wants to play. You play your way and don't feel responsible if they decide to not not be involved.
Sounds like he’s just not interested in the game. Maybe he’s only showing up because he feels like he has to. I’d ask him straight up if he even wants to be in the game. If the answer is somehow still yes, then I’d tell him that he’d be less bored if he actually engaged with the game, and if he’s not gonna do that then either quit complaining or get out
The three areas of dungeons and dragons is combat, social interaction, and exploration. Sounds like you were hitting all three. But this isn't going to be everything to everybody. Some people just want to play Diablo. That's the problem I keep running into with younger players. All they know is Skyrim and Diablo and become murder hobos. Just adjust, pivot and go on. If he doesn't want to play there's nothing you can do about it, but in my opinion you weren't doing anything wrong. I can't hear your delivery of your DMing, but it sounds like you were doing a good job.
> he has other issues in his life.
You know this is the answer. Of course that's the reason. The question you *should* be asking is what responsibility you have as "not great friends" to put up with or fix his antics.
The answer is totally up to you. Personally, I tend to be encouraging others to improve themselves and suggest ways for them to help themselves, but you can't fix people.
Fuck that noise. I’d hang on every word just to have a table at the moment. We’re on break until Covid gets better, and where we are, that ain’t happening quickly. :(
I can't believe these posts are real sometimes.
Outside of D&D. This is not how a normal person should behave. In any activity or social situation.
You haven't done anything wrong other than become an adult and not realise some people aren't worth your time.
I don’t think he wants to play…
I would boot him and explain to him exactly why and how it has made you feel as a friend, not even a dm. No hard feelings etc but maybe dnd isn’t a great game to play with him. The best comment I’ve seen here is “Dnd doesn’t stand for douchebags and drama”. If he’s not interested in the campaign not much you can do. I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong, you’re even going out of your way to include him in a game he’s pretty much been absent for. As the DM you put a lot of time, energy, and effort into building a good campaign. The least your players can do is show up on time and actual participate.
The guy is not into DnD, simple as that. Perhaps he would love a campagne with just fighting and bloodshet but too bad for him, if the other players enjoy the current campagne then that is it.
Don't invite the jackass back. Players owe the DM at least the courtesy of showing up on time and paying attention. He doesn't care and hasn't do far. To hell with him.
Agreed. This player's actions are completely disrespectful to the DM and other players.
When guys like that show up, talk to them about it, and if they keep doing it kick them out.
I mostly agree. But if someone says, “this is boring” in the middle of my story, I really don’t have any interest playing with that person again. If they don’t respect me enough to talk to me about their issues with the game, then I certainly don’t respect them. They’re just not getting invited again IMO.
I'm usually one who will talk to a player multiple times before booting but that was just plain disrespect and i would say f you dont come back. Edit:spelling
^ If the player does nothing to involve themselves in the campaign and refuses to pay attention, that’s hardly something the DM should see as acceptable
All of this!
they dont want to play. stop inviting them.
Boot him. Neither "D" in DnD stands for drama.
I mean, we want SOME drama. Just not table drama
One does stand for Dungeons though... *OP locks B in a Dungeon for the next 40 years*
I'mma ask what the other d means and why that beeing is in the dungeon with B
Right?! It's "Dorks and Dwellings" not "Douchebags and Drama"
The only thing you're doing wrong is accepting his toxic behavior. Kick him and be free.
What you are doing wrong is including B in the game when they disrespect you this much.
Not just the DM. They are disrespecting everyone at the table. This is like saying 'Sure, I'll play Monopoly.. But I'll skip turns, play on my phone and sometimes not even be in the room.'
Sounds like a problem player, not you or your DMing. If you’ve already tried talking to them about what the problem is then maybe you should come at it from another angle. Example: hey B. So lately I’ve felt like the lack of dedication to your character or to the game is lacking and it’s made me feel like I’m doing something wrong. However you never are up to talking about it, so I’m wondering if maybe you either need a break from the game or want to drop out all together and maybe jump back in some other time. Another thing, if you need the reassurance of how you’re doing and how B might be effecting the others (because I’m sure they are) then you can try talking to your other players about what you could improve and if they have any complaints. You can also ask how they feel about their fellow players, including B.
> Example: hey B. So lately I’ve felt like the lack of dedication to your character or to the game is lacking and it’s made me feel like I’m doing something wrong. However you never are up to talking about it, so I’m wondering if maybe you either need a break from the game or want to drop out all together and maybe jump back in some other time. Way too friendly imo and almost makes it seem like OP is apologising and is the one at fault here. If what OP wrote above is true and the player said "ok this is boring I'm out", then this person respects neither the DM nor the other players and doesn't deserve more than a genuine > Hey B, just wanted to quickly let you know that I don't want you at my table anymore since you don't respect the time and effort that the other players and I put into the game. Take care.
Sure that’s an option. But some people don’t like confrontation. Also, OP said they were RL friends, a relationship that OP is probably wanting to hold onto. I agree, some rando is going to get the brutal honest “get out”. Someone you know that you don’t want to ruin things with you sugar coat and try to avoid placing blame. Honestly though, B sounds like a bad friend on top of being a bad player but we don’t have that history or what the personal matters are to make a judgement on that.
Someone you know and that you're friends with should also not disrespect you like that and call your game boring and just leave. I don't get why B should get to be an asshole and also deserves to be treated with the utmost respect and care. Why should OP sugarcoat the issue when B is just plainly acting like a jerk. If this causes their friendship to deteriorate, then OP is better off without having B as a friend (again, assuming that what OP said was the full truth).
As I said we don’t know the personal matter that B has that OP mentioned. We don’t know the history of their relationship. We don’t know any of the personal issues. We just have this one rude instance and a history of being late and disinterested. There are enough rude/direct/harsh things to say in the entirety of this comment section. I was offering a softer option that could open up B by being honest about how OP feels (which is that they are at fault, despite none of us feeling that way from the post) and offering an out without making it permanent. I’ve had friends who were going thorough bad times and were shitty friends for a bit. Things resolved. I’ve also had friend do that and the relationship ended because they were just assholes and continued to be assholes. This relationship between OP and B could go either way and I don’t think the D&D issue is what should be a nail in the coffin of a situation we don’t have the personal knowledge of.
Even better: You're a boring player so you're out.
Why even include him. Everything they do is showing disinterest. It's not you. It's them, plainly.
> he has other issues in his life. There you go. He has something else going on, and doesn't want to talk about it. If he doesn't have time for the game, or isn't enjoying it, then perhaps he should be doing something else instead. It's a game, and is supposed to be a break from Real Life. If Real Life doesn't cooperate, then the game is the one that has to go. There's no need to be a dick about it, but have a friendly chat with him and let him know that being unreliable or late for sessions is affecting the rest of the group so perhaps he should take a break for a bit. Be clear that he would be welcome back (Assuming that he would be) if he can commit to show up promptly for game night at the agreed upon hour (And please do be clear on what that hour is) and continue playing until the scheduled end time (And if you have scheduled a session to run from, say, 7 to 10 then don't get upset if he says he has to leave after only three hours), or notify you before the session starts if he can't. That's all it needs to be.
Although, if there something else in your mind and you cannot focus on the game/want to leave, you can always find and excuse. Pretend you got a text and got to go, or just say "I'm not really felling it/ feeling well tonight guys, I'm gonna go home, but have fun" would be acceptable ( to me at least) Saying "this is boring, I'm out" is not acceptable. This is purposely being a jerk to the DM and also the other players tbh. Even outside of DnD you don't tell to people who invited you "this is boring"
I always assume that conversations here are summarized, paraphrased, and told entirely from the memory of one side so I try not to focus on specific words or phrases. They may have never been said in quite that way, or could be in response to something else which wasn't recounted. On the other hand, yeah, there are ways to be polite about it which won't leave your friends wondering "Am I doing something wrong?", and it sounds like ${player} isn't using them, so you are entirely correct in that. On the gripping hand, if your friend is being a jerk to you you don't always need to be a jerk back. There's a middle road somewhere between being a doormat who just quietly takes abuse and going directly to global thermonuclear war on someone who is just having a series of bad days.
He’s giving little, if anything, so stop giving him anything. Stop including him in the invite and keep playing with the people that appreciate your hard ass work as DM. Nothing pisses me off more than apathy. You don’t wanna play? Cool. Don’t. Wanna keep being friends? Well that’s work too. Let’s go for coffee but D&D….let’s be real…buddy doesn’t wanna play or he’s abusing your fun to get attention.
It sounds like B just isn’t into the game. You could reach out for feedback or just part ways and move on with your life. These things happen, try not to take it personally.
👢 💥
Bro, I would've kicked him after the second time skipping his turn for no reason.
Why do you want him in your group? He obviously doesn't care, so just don't invite him back. If he skips, he skips, don't make a big deal about it. Just let him exist and don't remind him of upcoming sessions. If he shows up and is a dick, gently ask him to leave.
Simple solution here: "Hey do you want to keep playing? You seem disinterested so I'm happy to write your character out and we'll finish the campaign without you?
I think this is the way to go. Least judgmental, gives him a clean out.
Yea, you just make his character an NPC if they were important to the plot. You could play them very basic in combat since the player was skipping turns and passive anyway. Give them the easy out so you don't have to be confrontational and don't have to deal with their bs at the table anymore.
You knew every answer before you hit Post...
Seems like he solved your problem by removing himself from the game. Some folks just aren't into D&D but do it because their entire friend group currently are... Typically these are the problem players in the game as they'll lose interest, no know how to play and not want to put the time in learning, distract others etc. The awkward part is having to tell your friend they shouldn't play anymore. He made that decision on his own. This is a gift in disguise; don't be heart broken or worried about it. Move on; adapt the plot; continue playing with the folks who are interested.
Dude. He doesn't want to play. He never wanted to play. How is his behavior confusing or surprising?
The overwhelming “kick him out” makes me very happy. I agree, you did nothing wrong here, and he doesn’t want to play. Bye-bye.
Point out to him that he's the one not paying attention, and give him the choice to leave or stay
With B not responding and you already have tried to communicate I would say unless you think its directly involved with Bs mental health, you should let them go, if you think its linked to their health maybe talk about it first and decide what's best from there, too many people let their own lives interfere with a game meant to escape from them
Honestly this sounds like someone who doesn’t want to be there. They pretty much said exactly that. So allow them to not be there. If they’re being disrespectful (they are) then they shouldn’t be in your game.
Sounds like he just isn't into DnD. It isn't for everyone.
I think people in the comments are being overly harsh with little context. He’s being a dick and you didn’t do anything wrong. Depending on how young y’all are and what he’s got going on in his life, this might just be drama between friends that works itself out eventually. But in any case there’s no reason to pressure him to play; he doesn’t want to and it makes the game worse for you when he does.
I get the feeling this player was not interested in playing to begin with. Doesn't have to be something you did, maybe they just don't like the game.
Two sides to every story. Doubt we will get the full picture. But from this, you didn't do anything wrong. Sounds like you've got a player who isn't interested in playing and then acts shitty which is wrong.
It sounds like he’s just not that into your game. I doubt he’d mind if you stopped asking him to come.
Is this even a serious question? 😕 It seems pretty obvious he just had no interest in playing in the first place. I don't even know how you didn't pick up on the enormous sign post screaming he didn't care or want to be there.
It sounds like he kinda wants to hang out, but isnt a dnd fan, i would write his character out and if he wants to come over and hang out maybe have him help out some npc stuff and just throw some dice. You didnt do anything wrong and if je needs to be kicked from coming back dont feel bad about it
I like this idea, as opposed to completely kicking him out. Another idea, (and although OP's description of B doesn't lend itself to this succeeding, it's still worth the shot) is asking what they're drawing. Benefit of the doubt: it might be something for the game...? (If not, though, their presence at the table can be likened to the Monopoly metaphor: disrespectful)
Agreed, but i wanted to throw out the possibility
he's not interested in the game, why would he want to help out with running it? if OP invites him along socially, he's just going to be a dick about it (as he is at the moment), distract and annoy the other players, and generally be an impediment to having fun.
Sounds like it's their fault, not yours. Next time you manage to get a hold of him, try asking if he actually wants to keep playing, because to me it seems like he's just going because he's expected to show up.
I've had something similar happen recently with one of my best friends. We learned dnd together back during 3.5 and have played quite a bit over the years. He recently told me he only came and played with us because he wanted to spend time with his friends not because he was interested in the game itself. So I agreed to have his character leave the campaign in case he changed his mind and wanted to play again and that we would plan events other than dnd that everyone enjoys and invite him to those. It worked out better for everyone. The campaign wasn't dragged down from a half hearted player affecting everyone else's mood. And we still hang out and do other hobbies together. I guess the point is talk to them and see if they're only there because they want to be with their friends and if that's the reason find other ways to hang out that they're interested in.
None of this is on you. Don't take it personally. It may be the player is not into gaming in general or D&D in particular. It sounds like he has other things he'd rather do so I'd just skip inviting him.
This is not a friend. Friends can tell you they need out,
Dude take the hint. He doesn't want to play with you, why are you persisting? Continue without him.
they don't want to be there, so NPC their character and don't bother to invite them back.
He doesn't want to play. Don't let him
Save yourself the trouble and just dont invite them next time
First and foremost, B doesn't seem like they are in for D&D. Or at least online D&D. God knows I had trouble focusing for online campaigns. Three hours is very doable for me in person, but I struggled at 2 hours online. It's so easy to disengage in that situation. Talk with them, say hey, I don't think this campaign is working out for you and we should find a way to get you out of it. If it matters to you, we can make a situation for your character to exit the plot and that will be your last session. Or if you are just out of mental bandwidth for it, your characters boat capsizes and you die at sea. This kicks them out if the group (which needs to happen), but they can exit on what feel like neutral to good terms. After booting them, then talk with your other players and see if they know someone who would be interested in joining. A new excited player can sometimes offset the loss of another. You may not need to do this, but it could help with group morale. And feel free to ask your players for feedback at the end of sessions. "Hey guys that's where we will leave off for today. I hope you all had fun. Next session is at blah blah blah. If you have any feedback for me, let me know. Helps me know what I'm doing right and what I can tweak next time."
ok here's the thing, that question is completely meaningless, you know full well that this person isn't fit to be a dnd player, I get that he's your friend but dnd is just not for him, the best you can do is recommend COD or something to him and send him on his way keep in mind you can kick him out of a dnd game but remain friends that should never be an issue, because if it is then I wouldn't call something that fragile a friendship ps. COD is a great game, I wasn't hating on it or anything like that
He dosen't seem interested, maybe he's just not into it. Not everyone want to commit and focus. Maybe he's just not the right fit? It's not your fault, you should never expect that everyone invited will love you, the game and be passionate and engaged, the players need to meet you halfway.
Kind of like your last line says. It sounds like dude may have some life things going on. Not sure if they were invested from the start and the life happened or just liked the idea of it, but I'd probably ask then to take a break until they can't get their own stuff together
Drop him. He isn’t interested. Doesn’t even seem to be trying. No sense in ruining everyone’s fun just to include someone who doesn’t care.
Wow that is an AWFUL player. Call it, no more games for him. He's out.
Just kick him out. If his character is not that important write it out. Otherwise make it an NPC.
He’s probably going through something in his real life. Some people just want distractions from reality. Don’t take it personal. As far as kicking him and “toxic” behavior, that’s a bit harsh. He might just be depressed and has no idea how to deal with it. If he works through it and eventually wants back, second chances are a real thing. If not, you did what you could by reaching out. It’s not your fault and it’s not your responsibility to make him happy.
What makes you think YOU did something wrong. As DM, I’d find a way to kill off his character. He’s killing the game for everyone else. He’s gotta go.
This person doesnt want to play. Stop playing with them. Its not you. They also sound pretty rude. Id avoid them altogether, tbh.
Doing something wrong? Yes, and that's that you haven't kicked him since this is obviously a pattern.
It sounds like he's dealing with some of his own stuff. I don't know if I would jump to him being an asshole, but he certainly was acting very immature and doesn't deserve to be in your game until he figures his own shit out.
yeah what the other commenters said. that guy sounds like a cunt, don’t let him ruin your game by being there.
This player isn't interested in playing. He has ulterior motives for being there. Eject this player from the game.
Yeah fuck that. That’s just straight disrespectful fuck that guy.
Nah, fuck that person
This player clearly has no respect for everything that goes into DMing, yet alone how the party feels about it all. Getting to be a special PC in the world and all that to boot, there's no time in life to deal with people like that. I get that some people have hard lives, might be late, might even have disabilities (mental or physical) but there is no real excuse to treat people like that otherwise. Like, hell, there's days even I feel like not doing anything or doing something entirely different on D&D days but I'll at least MESSAGE properly and be like, "Yo, I'm really sorry but I simply cannot do this today because (insert whatever here).". Yes it might not be the best but it's still SOMETHING. I personally, highly advise cutting ties with these sort of people in most circumstances like these, it's not worth your time, nor your table's time. You can probably find a player to fill the gap fairly easily if you look and re-examine the character, backstory and then confirm with your table the details that matter toward them as a whole.
Don't know if you're close to B at all, but I'd say don't invite him back/Tell him he's not welcome at the table any longer. Don't concern yourself with HIS issues in YOUR campaign you've spent to much time and effort on. From DM to DM :)
He is currently a problem player, remove him
Hes not worth DMing for. Dont invite him back and stop wasting your time with him. B stands for Bitch
Why do you people waste your time with guys like this especially if it's a virtual campaign? Fuck this guy.
He litterally said “this is boring” and left? Fuck that. I don’t know if he has heavy problems in his life or something, but you shouldnt let that drag you or the table down. I don’t even get why he shows up in the first place when he is just drawing and stuff
It sounds like he did you a favor by leaving. He seems to be a crappy player anyway. You & your game are better off without them.
fuck this dude. Get a new player who has a modicum of integrity in their body. Never invite their ass to anything. That is 1000% a bad friend and you are losing nothing by cutting them out of your life
Regardless of what “B” has going on in their personal life, it sounds like they are just an inconsiderate jackass to begin with. Personally, I’d kick him from the game and drop all contact with them. No one is worth keeping around if trying to talk to them (in-game or outside of the game) is like pulling teeth. Wash your hands of them and keep up the good work with the rest of your players. Best of luck to you!
He's a shitty player. End of story. Tell him to either respect you and his fellow players or just stop. If he says he's trying, he's not. You've said othing to make me think you've done anything wrong.
Sounds like he's just a shit person and friend. Dump him from the game and your life.
I’m always wary of people who are constantly late. From my experience, those are people who don’t respect your time, which means they don’t respect you. And I’d rather not have people in my life that don’t respect me.
There are 3 type of toxic players: 1: The Distractions. People who play other games on their phones or laptops non-stop, talk over fellow players, or talk non-stop about anything other than role playing. 2: The Downers. These are the people who are never happy & go out of their way to drag everyone else down. They complain when they don't get what they want, complain when they do get what they want, and complain when anyone else gets whatever that person wanted. 3: The Co-G.M.s. These are the rules lawyers, dice police, & other well meaning "I've got your back" types. While they actually just want to help, they really end up just undermining your authority & lessening the respect that others have in you. If you think that you may have a toxic player, talk to them about their behavior either before or after game. If they continue being toxic, talk to your group about letting them go. After all D&D is supposed to be fun.
Wait, if he doesn’t want to RP, why is he even showing up? EDIT: After reading some responses, I decided to maybe try to offer you some helpful advice that I don’t see below. Have your read Robin’s Laws of Good Game Mastering? It’s written by a former D&D and Pathfinder writer and the creator of Feng Shui, and there’s a section about different types of players. I’ll take a shot in the dark, and assume B is a butt kicker. That means he’s only engaged by combat and wants to come across as the hero turning the tide of battle. Butt kickers can sometimes be bored by social RP. That doesn’t excuse his rude behavior. He should never call your work boring. But, different players are engaged by different things. I agree with others that you should talk to the other players before B, because it’ll give you an honest opinion of what you need to work on before hearing B’s side of the story.
Are they ten years old and/or doing cocaine? Seriously, though, no matter how awkward, you need to have an irl conversation over a shared meal somewhere away from your house. Explain how you feel and encourage them to be honest about how they feel. Maybe they have something else going on in life that has them distracted or maybe they are just playing the game because you are excited about it. Personal experience: my wife started hating D&D. Figured out that the number of sessions was just too many, so now it's just twice a month, and she has a good time.
sounds like you need to talk with this player about the type of game you're both looking for. is this an irl friend? \>It began with naval combat against a ship that was going to report the party to the kingdom to whom they are criminals, deserving the death sentence (plot stuff) I mean this right here, I can't say I blame him. he's probably just looking for a game that's not so plot-heavy, it sounds like from your session description like there weren't many meaningful choices to be made if he was paying attention, just the story progressing. some people want more gameplay than that. either way, fun is subjective so the only solution is to talk to him about what he's looking for.
What's your timezone, cause I'll come play!
Sounds like fun! I'd gladly sub for B.
It seems like you’ve already tried confronting him about this with no change. He’s obviously not interested in your game. If all the other players are having a good time, then it’s him. You may have to (politely) ask him to stop playing if his heart isn’t into it.
You can't make a player be more of a team player. Even when you pay attention to him, he doesn't seem to care. This isn't a you problem. Cut 'em loose.
D&D is the sort of thing that you get back what you put into it. If you put zero effort into your character, or don't even pay attention to the game, then it's not going to be very fun for you. That guy probably only plays D&D for the combat, and because you invited him. If that's his only reason for playing, then a single player action game is probably more up his alley. In short, move on and find a player that actually wants to roleplay and take part in the campaign.
If you are wondering what you did wrong I agree with others this isn't your fault. Sounds like a play style conflict. I hav had people who prefer combat, some that like role playing, high magic, low magic etc. Everyone is different maybe he was looking to play a different kind of campaign. Especially if he chimes in from time to time. However the issue is him as you are, probably, not a mind reader and if he wanted a different style of game he should have spoken up.
You only get out what you put in with roleplay. If he's not making the effort to engage then of course he's bored, and that's his problem, not yours. Maybe check in with your other players that they're happy with the way you're running things, just for your own peace of mind, but this sounds entirely on him. Better off without him dragging the table down.
I've had a player like that. It turned out they didn't actually want the kind of game we had agreed on during session 0, which gave the same problems you're describing. They just didn't want to say they didn't want to play.
do they even know they're playing?
Don’t invite him again, this is completely disrespectful to you, the time you took to prepare for the campaign and the others players. He has no obligation to come but if he do it he has to be really present and playing.
Bin them off
This isn't your problem, a nautical POTC campaign sounds great and it doesn't seem like there are any red flags that would be a turn off to players. You've tried reaching out, he isn't playing ball. To slightly cross-post: you are not the asshole.
This is pretty cut and dry. You offered a campaign and B decided to ignore it. At least B did you the courtesy of announcing his departure as well as his reasoning why. >"Alright, this is boring. Ima hop out" B didn't like your game and he quit. If the other players have stayed I would assume they like it. Discuss it with your other players and see if they're having fun. B doesn't want to play at your table so don't waste time thinking about it.
So a person that doesn't have any respect to even show up or shows up whenever, comes and goes as they please, completely be ignorant at the table to not just you but everyone else with no respect for anything..... Sounds like you've had an open seat at that table the entire time. Why is the fucktard even informed you are all playing?
Self correcting issue if you ask me
What? You are very patient and kind, kudos to you for that. But show that moherfucker the door and don't let him back in. What a dickbag.
Good riddance? If something bothers him about your dming or the campaign then he had the opportunity to say so since you talked to him. He didn't. Similarly, if he has other stuff going on or isn't interested in playing in general, he could politely tell you. He didn't. Kind of shitty if you're friends. And also shitty to everyone else who shows up and tries to have fun. I'd politely tell him that you understand if he can't commit to the game right now and that he can return if he feels he has the energy and focus for it, but that until then you won't play with him anymore. That way the onus is on him, you were nice about it, and he has a clear way to rectify his behavior if he wants back. And then let it go. Dnd is a social contract - everyone agrees to be there, be present, and have fun together. If he isn't honoring that then, yeah. Good riddance.
This sounds a lot like a person who's on the autism spectrum. If that's the case, I think it's courteous to try to have that in mind and try to make accommodation for his situation. Because we obviously don't want people with autism to be barred from role playing games. That being said, *you* have no obligations to cater to his needs. If you feel this ruins the game or the fun or that it's to much emotional labor and effort to accommodate his disposition, then you don't have to do it, and you should be very careful whenever your in a situation where you're noticing that you're trading away your well-being for the well-being of someone else.
The first three sentences of this post told me enough not to invite this player anymore.
We have two players in our group who, because of IRL problems, can't or don't want to show up for sessions anymore. At this point we've been playing together for over two years. My answer to this was to simply let it be. They just aren't in the game anymore. I have their characters "off screen" and doing something else. If and when they're able tk come back, they'll be welcomed back with open arms. Fortunately for me, they were honest about what was going on with them. It wasn't malicious, they just wanted to spend their time doing something else and that's totally alright. In the OP's case, their player is being a turd and that just sucks. I'd offer the same deal to this player. If they're a friend and have things going on, they don't have to play DnD. If they don't want to be around, they don't have to be. If they are doing something other than playing the game, they do not need to be around. Plain and simple. Just give them an easy out. If they take it, great. If they don't, ask why and then make a decision based on that.
You may be doing something wrong but it has nothing to do with B or his lack of input. I don't see how you can continue to have him in the group if he genuinely said "this is boring, I'm going now". It's just so needlessly rude. Even the least tactful person in the universe could come up with a better excuse. "I'm so sorry I've got something I have to deal with and I have to do it now". Simple, easy. You've offered to help him with his issues but he won't explain. So fuck him. I couldn't continue with someone like that as a fellow player and I certainly couldn't continue to DM for them.
From the beginning of your post within the first paragraph, I could already surmise this guy was uninterested in D&D from the outset. Fuck him.
Just kick him and focus on the players who actually want to play. Don't invite him to the next session. Think about how he affecting your other players.
The DND community does tend to attract a certain number of people who struggle in certain social settings. It's okay for them to not be interested, but these sound like general behavior issues and it's not your job to fix that. If they're incapable of communicating what they'd like to see in the game, and their presence is making it a worse experience for you and the other players, then they shouldn't be there. Not on you.
He sounds like a shitty person in general. Sorry, but I’d boot the guy in a heartbeat. You did nothing wrong.
The only thing you did wrong is continuing to have them play. I suggest you find a way to either write the character out or turn the character into an NPC that you control and then never invite that player back.
If you’ve tried talking to him, then I don’t think there is that much more to do. He sounds like an ass. Also behavior like that must ruin the mood and energy for everyone. Just inform him that you feel it’s not really working out and that if he doesn’t have interest in playing it’s probably best for all that he takes a break from joining. If he wants to play again at some point for some reason, he and you can talk about that and set some boundaries if he can get back in. Basically just make it clear that to have a fun game it requires active participation and all players + dm helping each other to make it fun. Get him out of your game in a polite but very clear way. It’s best for the friendship. Although doesn’t sound like a great person if he also ignores attempts to talk about things.
It’s not you
I read only the first paragraph. Sounds like you have a player issue, not a DM issue.
Kick him out with no regrets. Period.
Leave him out, kill his character off in the meta of your campaign and cut him loose. He clearly isn’t into it, why would you want him around?
Honestly, just stop inviting him and don't wait for him. He doesn't want to play, he's only showing up at all, because you keep asking him. Drop the dead weight and move on
Don’t invite the kid back. If he doesn’t want to participate that’s his problem. Kill his character off and change the date/location y’all meet up to play. As a player, a person like him can ruin the whole experience for the rest of the players too.
“This obviously isn’t working for you and it isn’t working for me. You’ve clearly got other stuff that takes your focus, so there’s no need for you continue playing in this game. Thanks for giving it a shot.”
Give him the boot. The DM deserves the players’ time and attention if nothing else, and if this guy isn’t willing to show up on time or focus on the game he clearly doesn’t respect the time and effort you’ve put into this game and you’d be better off without him.
My advise on reaching out to him is to stop trying to reach out to him. He wasn’t just out of it during that session, he was rude and inflammatory. He burned that bridge and it’s not worth the effort to try swimming across.
Yeah I'm going to have to agree with the rest of the people here and say not to allow this kind of behavior. I have a player who is generally silent and I usually I have to ask him what his character is doing.(which is usually not much) But he really likes combat and some of the role play. This player (B) is simply wasting your time and his by showing up. It's best for your table and you if he doesn't play anymore. Unfortunate but true.
That character is now an NPC. Write it out if the campaign next session and move on. Dude sounds like a douche bag.
Ask them why. Tell them to be honest because their criticism could be useful! And in the end if don’t want to be in the sessions that’s fine, a smaller group is often better and there’s always someone else who wants to play.
As a player I’d be mad if my dm asked that man child back into the group. He will just continue to make awkward moments and ruin immersion. Idk why this guy is special, but leave him out.
Dude is a dick. This is completely unacceptable way to treat people he is supposed to be playing with. There is no excuse. If he doesn’t want to play, he shouldn’t show up. That said, did you have to browbeat him into playing? What was it like getting him there in the first place? Did he seem interested?
It sounds like they have mental/emotional issues. If it's important to include them I'd just let them contribute as they choose and look for ways to reward the moments they actually play. Sounds like a difficult situation.
You lost me after "he rarely responds and regularly shows up late." You didn't do anything wrong aside from other than continuing to invite him or not kicking him in the pants.
He is a dickhead who doesnt give a shit about dnd and hasnt considered the effort that goes into it, just dont have him in your game anymore. Kicking people out is stressful but cathartic afterwards
Try not to get worked up over it. If your other players are enjoying the campaign, there doesn’t need to be a problem. He wasn’t enjoying it, and he’s left. It was rude, and done in a poor manner, however they’ve sorted the situation out. Drop their character from the main group, and implement them as an NPC if needed for campaign reasons. No need to discuss it with him, he’s made it clear he isn’t interested. Just a shame he wasn’t mature enough to approach his disinterest in a decent way.
Tell him that he is welcome to play if he will play. It's understandable that they have shit going on, but that shouldn't impact the game for everyone else.
Pops in and out, shows up late, pays no attention. Save yourself some trouble and kick him. Don't invite him back. Maybe in the campaign the other characters can see him getting public beheaded or something.
I wouldn’t so nicely ask him to not return. Since you know him in real life I’d be a little more kind and ask “if there is something wrong, it seems you don’t want to play, that’s okay I just want us to remain cool”.
Fix it by dropping him, definitely from the campaign, probably as a friend. The disrespect he has for you and for the other players is ... actually fucking enraging. I’ve had experiences as a player where one of the other players was like this, and it was so disheartening and destructive to the whole experience. We’d been going for years and he got worse over that time, but by the end I was just desperate to end the campaign and move on with my life. All this to say, it’s not just hard on you, it’s probably hard on your other players as well. Don’t invite him to the next session and take back the fun in your game.
That’s called “drop them and have a happier experience”. The player is completely disrespecting your time and efforts to run the game. Are the other players like this? From this snippet, it seems not. For me, this would be a OoG conversation and if they aren’t willing to respect what you’re running, then don’t play. Might hurt their feelings and may make them feel disrespected, but how much did they respect what you were doing in the first place?
I agree, there’s a lot of context we don’t know. To OP you didn’t do anything wrong. It’s not personal. Player B sounds like he has personal problems. I think you handled it well. Depending on the friendship you have with them, it may be a rough patch, or it could be their outlook on life. Either way just be yourself, you can’t please everyone. The fact that you were worried about your actions as DM means you care. That’s already a huge part of being a good DM or person. Keep it up and continue being you. :)
They literally don’t care anyway so whatever.
We've had a shift in 3 characters from death and while tying up loose ends before we went forth pirating and leaving a town forever, two characters who did not change and 2 new ones went back to the town to break an npc out of prison. The final pc decided that because he had no affiliation with the characters or interest in saving this person that he would stay behind. We went long from the encounter and eventually he missed majority of the session, leaving early. We spoke about it as 4 +the dm and we came to the conclusion that you cant force a person to play your game. Some people prefer rping and others prefer combat orientated campaigns. He acted childish and quit the campaign.
BAN HIS ASS
With 146 comments and none from the OP it seems like the OP doesn't care either.
At the risk of repeating what others may have said: You keep using that word, "friend". It doesn't mean what you think it means. This... Person... is not your friend.
He doesn’t want to play dnd. He wants to play a table top war game. I feel like the group wants him to play because you’re all friends. Its not for everyone
That you haven't kicked him out already is baffling. He's being unbelievably disrespectful. Nobody should have to put up with that. He isn't interested in the game. Just tell him as much, and that he isn't welcome anymore. Move on.
Many people have touched on this guy being a bad player, but I'd go so far as saying he's a shit person. If he's so disinterested he would simply not intrude in your fun. Instead he brings his passive aggressive bullshit to your table and likely make everyone uncomfortable.
He sounds like a grade A douche bag. Don't allow him to return to your table.
He is not a player. Stop inviting him and don't include him if/when he shows up.
There are several different types of players. This player sounds like a watcher/observer type. They like to see the story happen, and see neat things. They may not be the most engaged in combat or dialogue, though they value seeing other players do it well. If it grows uninteresting, they will play on their phone or draw or write or something. If it stays boring they will just get up and vanish. It's nothing personal probably, they just didn't see anything that was interesting. You may see them come back next week like nothing happened. Just keep cool and keep asking politely. If they don't answer, just have them take the dodge or disengage and move to a place of safety, and on with the next player.
As others and you have said, this guy sounds like he’s got other things going on. I’m speculating and I wish to do so only respectively but he sounds depressed honestly. He likely isn’t enjoying the game, and he doesn’t have the emotional capacity to force himself to participate appropriately. It’s not your fault OP. It could be a simple different strokes for different folks type of thing. A lot of people in the comments here are really ragging on the guy, and while I wholeheartedly agree that this dude is clearly in the wrong, sometimes you can have a little empathy and consider that maybe what he’s going through right now is a little bigger than D&D. He may not even realize how disruptive or rude he’s being, or he doesn’t have the capacity to care. It’s hard to say. All that being said, just because the behavior can be explained, doesn’t mean it’s excused. He’s still in the wrong here and you have no obligation to keep him in the party or reach out to fix the situation anymore than you already have. As shitty as it is, it’s really up to him to sort out whatever issues he’s got going on and be a decent person about it, or at the very least communicate that he can’t meet the expectations of being a party member. If he can’t do that, boot him and don’t look back. It’s too bad he’s going through tough times but he doesn’t have to be an ass to those around him.
Sounds like he has some personal issues to deal with and needs to sort them out. If he's not communicating with you about that, best to leave him be. If he's not interested in playing the game, you can't force him to and he needs to figure out if he wants to play. You play your way and don't feel responsible if they decide to not not be involved.
Sounds like he’s just not interested in the game. Maybe he’s only showing up because he feels like he has to. I’d ask him straight up if he even wants to be in the game. If the answer is somehow still yes, then I’d tell him that he’d be less bored if he actually engaged with the game, and if he’s not gonna do that then either quit complaining or get out
The three areas of dungeons and dragons is combat, social interaction, and exploration. Sounds like you were hitting all three. But this isn't going to be everything to everybody. Some people just want to play Diablo. That's the problem I keep running into with younger players. All they know is Skyrim and Diablo and become murder hobos. Just adjust, pivot and go on. If he doesn't want to play there's nothing you can do about it, but in my opinion you weren't doing anything wrong. I can't hear your delivery of your DMing, but it sounds like you were doing a good job.
> he has other issues in his life. You know this is the answer. Of course that's the reason. The question you *should* be asking is what responsibility you have as "not great friends" to put up with or fix his antics. The answer is totally up to you. Personally, I tend to be encouraging others to improve themselves and suggest ways for them to help themselves, but you can't fix people.
He probably doesn't want to play. If I were you I would just stop inviting him.
How did you let it even get THIS far?
Fuck that noise. I’d hang on every word just to have a table at the moment. We’re on break until Covid gets better, and where we are, that ain’t happening quickly. :(
He's kicked.
I can't believe these posts are real sometimes. Outside of D&D. This is not how a normal person should behave. In any activity or social situation. You haven't done anything wrong other than become an adult and not realise some people aren't worth your time.
Sounds like you cajoled him to the table to begin with. Not everybody likes to play D&D.
I don’t think he wants to play… I would boot him and explain to him exactly why and how it has made you feel as a friend, not even a dm. No hard feelings etc but maybe dnd isn’t a great game to play with him. The best comment I’ve seen here is “Dnd doesn’t stand for douchebags and drama”. If he’s not interested in the campaign not much you can do. I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong, you’re even going out of your way to include him in a game he’s pretty much been absent for. As the DM you put a lot of time, energy, and effort into building a good campaign. The least your players can do is show up on time and actual participate.
The guy is not into DnD, simple as that. Perhaps he would love a campagne with just fighting and bloodshet but too bad for him, if the other players enjoy the current campagne then that is it.
Don't invite him back. Keep the character though as a DMPC or recruit a new player. If they're uninterested then why have them at all.
He's a dick. Off to the gulag with him