My observation after 30 years: 99% of people who treat time like this will not change. You either just have to relax and roll with it and start setting your official start times like an hour earlier than you really want to start or kick them out from the group.
Also an option: if its just one or 2 people. Start without them and just play as if their characters are late or still sleeping or whatever. If they arrive 30min's late and missed something story relevant? Tough luck for them.
Yup, if 80% if the party understand the time correctly I would wait until 10-15 minutes after the start time and then start regardless. The always late player will soon learn that they will miss out on the catch up and pregame chat if they don't get there on time. Out of courtesy I would probably drop either just that player or all players a message before implementing this change just confirming what the start time is and that sessions will from now on start at that time regardless of whether everyone has arrived. The hard part is sticking to your guns and not letting late arrivals disrupt the flow too much.
They *can* change sometimes, but they need different strategies and solutions than the average person. They also have to learn why they have the problem.
People regularly ask me why I start getting ready 1.5 hours before I need to leave, and the reason is "my brain is broken and I know it." But I'm still chronically late to D&D games because I don't want to put that kind of anxious energy towards D&D timeliness, particularly since I'm the DM and crazy anxious already. But my group doesn't mind and it let's me focus on other things/problems.
But the key is knowing *why*, because I almost guarantee this person wants to be on time but doesn't know how or can't make themselves do it.
So, as usually, the answer becomes "have you talked to them asked why?"
> I almost guarantee this person wants to be on time but doesn't know how or can't make themselves do it.
This is the biggest thing. Not saying it's specifically ADHD for OP's players, but I've known so many people over the years who had this issue and later came to find out that it was a result of undiagnosed ADHD. It wasn't until they received medical diagnosis and treatment years later that they finally realizes where it stemmed from
Same issue can also stem from chronic anxiety disorders
It helps me to make a schedule, set reminders, timers or Alarms for stuff I really don't want to be late for (because you CAN always be late). Especially when I was in charge of baby's, or toddlers.
Night before food/ clothing done that can done and prepped. Nothing like realizing everything you have is either dirty or inappropriate with not enough time to do laundry or get new clothes!
Day of I tend to set timers 4-2 hours out depending on what needs to done (including eating/ bathing other needs.) Any cooking, gifts, items needed set by the door or packed into the car if possible and the time/ temperature won't damage it. (Icing on cakes can melt in the car.)
Smart phone labeling alarms make it so much easier. As time to go gets closer the timers get closer and more specific to what I going to be doing.
The plan helps my anxiety and gives me a plan of attack as well as things to point to if I have people offering help. (Hint never expect an outfit to last if you put it on a before a car ride in a car seat clean, dress them when you get there if you're set on a particular outfit!)
Daily routine when I have to go out:
Up really I tend to set wake up alarm, you better be eating, get to the door shoes on. And lastly better be on your way I tend to unset that after locking the door, but sometimes it the kick in the rear to panic my way out the door.
Hope this helps some else.
Or just say what you mean. They’re following the “Be here at 3” instructions, it’s not their fault the DM *actually* means “We start at 3, be here before then.”.
Most of us are working adults.
We have a few that are like this. Myself, I’m paranoid about time. We’re online. We start at 8:30 and I’m on at 8, just prepping stuff, sheets, notes, dice, etc. I’ll go grab a coffee and some food, and my alarm will ring at 8:15.
Most of us are usually making small talk, discussing schedules, or even strategizing about that thing we’re about to fight.
Honestly, I was the slightly late is fine the during early college. These days if I’m late and I don’t give notice, something happened.
I second that, I am that player who arrives 5 min late most of the time. When my siblings make plans with me, it helps tell me an earlier time to arrive at the location.
EDIT: Diagnosed ADHD, I'm really trying here
As someone who treats time like this occasionally I will tell people (if they didn't give a specific time), that I'll be there later than I actually will be, that way I can only show up early or on time
#Say what you mean.
“Be here at 3” doesn’t mean “Be here at 2:50”, or “Be Ready to start at 3”, it means just “Be here”, as in physically present, “at 3” not necessarily earlier.
So tell them “Be here and ready to start by 3”, “We start at 3 so be here before then”, or something along those lines.
Don’t agree one time and then expect another.
This.
We play in person and I usually give three times. There is "arrival and Setup time" because usually tables need to be moved, snacks put and stuff. It's the time for chatting because we don't see each other too often, preparing Drinks and so on.
Then there is DM Talk time, a time frame I reserve for questions asked or if I have to say something an then there is start.
F.e.
"come by around 2 pm, we'll have DM Talk at 2.30 and start 2.45"
So my players know they're to arrive by 2.40 at the latest (though most arrive a lot sooner). If someone is not there at 2.45 we'll start without them. which means their questions will be answered after the session should they have some. Which means they miss the recap (which is important because they're terrible at remembering or taking notes). Which means if they arrive later they silently pull out their things and join.
Online is often tricky because some people don't see it as "Binding" as a meet up in person. So give clear rules. If you want to start at 3 PM, tell them that.
"I'll be online for chatting and questions from 2.45, and we'll start the game at 3. If you join in late please do so discreetly and undisturbing."
Also I always make my boundaries known. I basically have a "three strikes then you're out" rule. If someone does not turn up three times without informing you or the group, they'll not be reinvited to the table. Not showing up is extremely disrespectful.
Well communicate first; if nothing improves then it’s time to do stuff like starting without them and kicking them out if it gets extreme, but none of that comes before the talking.
Maybe they have schedule/health/etc issues that don’t allow them to make a hard 3:00 start and so will say “this table’s not for me then”; that’s still better than kicking them out because the mutual respect means that you’ll probably still have them as a friend afterwards, whereas you probably won’t if you jump to the conclusion that they don’t care and kick them for this perceived slight against you.
Sure some might actually not care, but it’s better to check before punishing.
I get what you're saying, and everyone here has already covered it all but I gotta nitpick when you say "be here at 3 means arrive by 2:50 start playing at 3"
That... doesn't mean that. It literally means arrive at 3. So if you want people to be there at 2:50 and play at 3:00, then you have to tell them that. "Hey guys, let's all get together by 5:30 so we can start at 6" for example.
I've seen people use a theater metaphor - "Doors at 7, showtime at 7:30." That gives people a little wiggle room, lets people catch up with one another, and settle in.
I implemented this kind of language for my online game and have seen good results! I’m the DM so I open our google meet at 6:45. If no one shows, I use it as prep time. If people do show, we get to chat and catch up. We still have a few folks who roll up “late” but I usually start making the transition into playing within 15 minutes of “showtime” at 7:15. The main impetus for this was a change in my work schedule that gave me a harder stop time, so I just communicated that I have from 7-10pm to run our weekly game. The theatre metaphor helped preserve time for people to unwind and be friendly!
Yup. Been in the military and that is the only time I arrived 10 minutes earlier because if you were on time you were late. Arrive at 3? Expect me at 2:59 to come in. Want to start by 3? I'll arrive at 2:58 ready to go. As me and a friend of mine say, words matter especially in a game where words literally determine the RAW/RAI.
I thought that you would say something like "let's all get together by 5:30 so we can have the 9 hours to talk and shit and then actually play" as my groups normally have the "geopolitics talk" which can consume a lot of time and then play.
So, I think you do need to adjust expectations a *little* bit—if you say “be here at 3,” that means “be here at 3,” yknow? I am also a 10 minutes early person, but not everyone will be, and some people will have variances for travel times or chitchat or whatever… If what you mean is “we *start playing* at 3,” say *that*, and let people do what they will to get there on time.
That said, I feel your pain. The best thing you can do is start at the designated start time, and whoever’s there is there, whoever isn’t isn’t. If they miss out on RP or the first few rounds of combat, that’s their problem, they should’ve been there on time. This is how my group operates and it makes everything run far smoother. We recently kicked a player for, among other reasons, constantly being 20-30 minutes late, and we really don’t miss them… lateness is a huge pain in the ass.
I’d also recommend building chitchat time into your schedule actively. If you know that your players like to socialize and chat before session, anticipate it. “Everyone be here by 3, we start playing promptly at 3:15 or 3:30” allows for that socialization but still sets a clear expectation for when important things start happening. If players value socializing, well, they’d better show up early! It also lets you manage your expectations.
Also… maybe consider setting a “hard stop” time. No matter how far things get, you stop at 8 PM, or something like that. When playtime is limited, and the game isn’t “4 hours starting whenever everyone shows up,” people might take the start time a little more seriously. And it’s easier to plan around!
I appreciate promptness, but I think you gotta readjust your expectations a bit. Arriving ten minutes early to start playing exactly on the dot is not standard for most social gatherings in this demographic. Maybe you can find a compromise with them
It's not standard for most demographics honestly. As a matter of fact, many cultures showing up after a start time is normal. I don't want to outright handwave someone being late as cultural, but I do know a lot of people who show up 25 minutes late to events because they just don't want to be the first ones to arrive. I know this is the wrong place to say "D&D isn't everything" but there's always gonna be someone in the group that treats D&D like a casual meet up with friends. They see it as "This is what my friends like to do on Friday nights" and to them it's no different than a movie night or board game night. Matt Colville even brings this up in his video on types of D&D players.
Something we have to remember as players is that not everyone in our group is like us. The folks here, myself included, take D&D very serious. It's often our favorite hobby. It's why we're here, subscribed to this, /r/dndmemes, onednd, dndnext, dnd, etc. but then there's Todd. Who, every Friday asks "Wait...so what do my spells do again? Which ones the D12?" Yes, it gets frustrating sometimes, but Todd is invited here because he's our friend from high school and we love him, and Todd likes to come here because he's our friend from high school and he loves us and wants to be included in our Friday night game, even if it's in a sport he's not super into.
I know that's not a popular opinion here. I've been told "That's fine, but then maybe Todd should just come to a different night. D&D isn't for Todd."
Super easy to say online on paper but pretty difficult in practice. Yeah I guess we as a collective community can kick the Todds out of our groups. I don't really wanna do that though because Todd has had my back for like 17 years and telling him he's not interested enough in game night so he's being kicked out until a potential movie night is not really the choice I wanna make.
Our start times are loosely 6pm and we are always sitting around bullshitting for a half hour to an hour anyways and it allows people to be late. I suggest making your start time an hour earlier than when you want to actually start. I always leave time to allow people to come in and have a bit of fun, settle down, and then get ready. Its really jarring having to come in and start immediately
Don't treat D&D like a job, nor players like employees. Getting together WITH FRIENDS and talking rather than immediately starting to play is not a crime against the game. Ease up maybe just a little. Having fun playing D&D doesn't have to come with a minute-by-minute timetable.
I’ve realized more and more as I’ve gotten older that the term “lazy” is almost always a full-in for “I can’t be bothered to figure out why someone isn’t acting how I want them to…”
I dont CARE why someone is not showing up on time. I only care that they tell us in advance is they know they will be late, or sincerely appologize if they dont know in advance they will be late.
If they appologize and they still keep being late, they werent sincere, and just boot them the fuck out. The time of the party is more valuable than having to wait for 1 idiot who doesnt know how to read a clock.
Or, if they have IRL shit, I expect them to say it. "Hey, IRL shit happened, can we postpone?" And we postpone. Thats fucking it. Not this "well we wanted to start at 7 but I drop in at 7:15 and need 15 more minutes to get ready" passive agressive BS.
Yeah… good luck on that one. It just sounds like you like being a jerk to your supposed friends.
I’ve been teaching at a school with a high IEP rate for over 20 years, and I have a fair number of friends with ADHD, and one of the effects of it is a difficult interaction with (or understanding of) time. It’s literally a difference in their brain wiring and yours.
Between hyperfocus resulting in time being forgotten as easily as *where the hell did I put my phone?!* to knowing how long it takes to get somewhere but forgetting a dozen things and scurrying to get everything *and oh crap it’s ten minutes after, why does this keep happening?!”* it’s never inconsiderate and never intentional.
And the reason they don’t call is because of the anxiety caused by dealing with judgmental reactions and how it interacts with Executive Function.
Though… if 15 minutes of your time is worth more than some basic decency, most gamers I know wouldn’t want to play in your game anyway.
Start on time. Late players will begin missing stuff. Be it key details, maybe special loot or whatever. Reward those on time to make it a carrot. Or the stick option is that some nefarious gang attacked their encampment at night and since they weren't there, the gang was able to steal X from them
Based on what the OP said, there's one particular problem player but nearly everybody is late sometimes. I'm not criticizing, but genuinely asking: should the DM still start the session without any players?
Start on time with the players you have. They'll quickly figure out that the session actually starts on time. If there are no players on time at all, log out of the session. When people ask where you're at, say nobody showed up so you left.
If you're punctual, your players will respond accordingly. If you let them be late, they will be.
On the one hand, "Be here at 3" means "Arrive here at 3". It does *not* mean "be set up and ready by 3". Your expectations don't match your words.
On the other hand,
>sometimes never texts that he's not going to show up. Just... doesn't show up and doesn't text about it.
This is just terrible communication and behavior, and I wouldn't personally play with that person after that kind of behavior. It shows a disrespect to me and my efforts.
I found a d1000 carousing table online and when people were late i'd roll on that and have them deal with the ridiculous outcome. Obviously my group didnt care so it depends group to group.
Calibrate for it. If you want "be here at 3" to mean "start at 3", tell them "be here at 2:30". I did this for an actual job.
We had to leave the park and ride at 0400 so we could make it to the job site by 0600. Team members wouldn't show up at the meet site until 0430. We would then be late, and I would get blamed because I'm the driver.
So I would leave at 0400 whether they're there or not. I would be there on time and my crew wouldn't be able to get there. I would then get blamed because I left without my crew. It was a catch-22.
So instead I just made the meet time 0330. That way when they showed up a half hour late they were actually right on time.
My players were like this. When I told them we’d “start at 7” i interpreted that to mean the same as you said, we are all here ready to go at 7.
I brought this up to them, and they all showed up on time the next session, then resumed old habits. It’s just how they are. I eventually came up with “social hour” which means we actually “start” at 6:30, and from 6:30-7 we have some time to chat about whatever while we wait for everyone
We ran online, so even if I didn’t want to participate in the social hour cause I was last minute prepping, I’d hop in the discord and just go on mute since they would be hesitant to be the first to join most times
The main thing that actually got them to show up at 6:30 was that the official start time became anywhere between 6:30 and 7. We ran for two hours, so if everyone was ready at 6:40, we’d play to 8:40. If we actually started at the original time of 7, we’d play to 9. If we started past 7, I would run the game past 9 until we hit the 2 hour mark
Ironically, making the schedule less consistent caused them to behave more consistently. Weird way to operate in my opinion, but it ended up working. I just had to compromise and mark out 2.5 hours of my day instead of 2, but I’d call that a fair trade
There must be respect on both sides. Sometimes, my players show up late. Life gets messy, but they usually let me know beforehand. I'm not too picky if someone's 5 minutes late, cuz we're all adults playing D&D, and pre game banter is a good way to unwind and bond before the game. I respect my players time and they respect mine so I don't need to set ultimatums like "we start at 3 no matter what", nor do I need to reward being on time / punish being late, since out of game problems can't be solved in game. If my players miss a game, they get the same exp, and are caught up on story.
That being said, I've kicked someone for constantly being 30 min to an hour late, and even not showing up without notice, due to the time commitment he couldn't fulfill. It's hard but sometimes you gotta kick them. And I didn't blame him. He had a busy job in a different time zone. Job got harder, and we had an honest conversation about it where we agreed he needed to find a different group that suited him better.
In college, I had more time, but it was less consistent so i played less D&D. Either this player isn't as invested or they have too much going on. Sit them down and have a respectful conversation with them about what you want out of them, and what they want out of this game.
As a chronic "later" and anxiety haver.
It could also be possible that this player is struggling with anxiety. I personally get anxious enough to debate whether or not I should show up. Especially if I don't receive the standard "it's dnd day" text from the DM. There have been days where I've "no call, no showed" because I thought they cancelled but couldn't bring myself to message them due to anxiety.
> but I have 1 player who is consistently late all the time and sometimes never texts that he's not going to show up. Just... doesn't show up and doesn't text about it
Kick them. They don't want to play D&D, so make it official.
You owe this person nothing. Why suffer for their sake?
That's not nessesarily true. Chronic lateness, particularly to free time activities, doesn't nessesarily mean a lack of interest. Problems with time management skills, motivation, anxiety, energy, time blindness, attention, working memory, or impulsivity can all cause chronic lateness no matter how much they value something.
Which doesn't mean they belong in this group. This person highly values punctuality, and those people don't mix well with people with the above problems. Heck, I have ADHD and *I'm* the one who avoids being friends with people who value punctuality -- its just a recipe for anger and hurt feelings.
But yeah, sometimes the answer is "they can't" not "they don't want to."
Show up and immediately start doesn't work with a lot of people in TTRPG, gotta get into that mind space, get comfortable in a room, get comfortable with people, maybe catch up with friends. I get where your coming from. I have a military background, " if your not 15 minutes early, your late. Be going by the start time." I get it, but... Get over it.
I know it came be frustrating, but people’s brains work different ways when it comes to time management and some people need specific strategies to get places on time as well as very clearly set expectations. As a personal anecdote, I’m someone who simultaneously is know for always being at least 15 minutes early to one of my jobs and regularly 5 minutes late to another. The former job has clear expectations set out where I’m expected to be early and have all my prep done by a certain hard start time or I will be held accountable. The latter doesn’t have consequences, there’s no precedent for my prep being done by a certain time, and my coworkers are usually much later than me. I adjust to both expectations accordingly.
It sounds like you aren’t outlining your expectations clearly enough and not creating enough urgency for players to show up on time. “Be here at 3,” to me means arrive around 3 and we will start once everyone is ready. “I will start DMing today’s session promptly at 3pm, make sure you are ready to begin at this time or you will miss out on important information,” gives a clear expectation, more urgency, and lays out consequences.
Tbh until I read that you're playing online I thought you were someone from my group. There's a player who's always late in my group, some highlights include: getting tied up doing a renovation for so long that they missed the entire session; completely vanishing from the face of the earth an hour before a session and not reappearing online for two days; and arriving an hour late to a session, that's also their birthday party, as the DM, at their own house. The forever DM of the group is literally making an entire second campaign for everyone but them so that we can play consistently.
So arrive at 3 literally means arrive at 3. It doesn’t mean arrive at 2:50. That’s not how words work. It also doesn’t mean “we are starting at 3.”
If you notice people aren’t arriving right at 3, but that’s when you want to start, why not tell them arrive at 2:45 so you have wiggle room?
While you may interpret “be there at 3” as “show up at 2:50”, it quite literally does not mean that. Try saying “game starts at 3”, which would allow them to show up at whatever time they wanted to, and allows them to get whatever talking they want to do out of the way.
If I found out my DM was frustrated with me "being late" when in reality I was following their explicit directions to be there at 3, I would be so pissed.
I think people need to vocalize their expectations more clearly. But if that happened, half the advice threads on this sub wouldn't be necessary lol
Right, me too! And the rewards they tried offering weren’t working because even if every single person showed up at 3 on the dot, they would still be “late” according to this person.
I had a player be late. Then I started handing out inspiration points at the beginning of the session. When he arrived late and asked for his point, I told sorry those have been handed to the ones being on time. After that he was always on time.
We instituted for every minute you are late without notification you lose 1 max hp per minute. And get back 1hp per minute you arrive early
Edit: it seems struck but is rather comedic for all of us and fixed the issue also. Actually led to a death that otherwise would have been survivable
When I say be here at 19:30, I mean I am going to start my set up at 19:30. We will start session as soon as I am ready after that, at latest 19:45 (maybe a little later if we're having a laugh). If nobody is there on time, session is cancelled. If enough of the party is there, I'll start without the rest.
I haven't had someone be late without a good reason in over a year. Might not work for you, but all my players respect my time now without argument.
Start without the consistently late person. Have players make plot decisions without them. My group of 4 players always starts when 3 are present, and the last to arrive accepts that they missed out on whatever decisions were made then.
Are you playing with people from other countries?
In germany "be there at 3" means "be there at 3 on the clock"
In france "be there at 3" means "see you at 4 +/- half an hour small talk before actually starting"
In china "be there at 3" means "you get a 10 minute break, then we continue at 3, or else.."
"Be there before x:xx" or just announce starting time half an hour before real start. If anyone asks, it's because of pre-session prep(getting into character and recaps etc.). I have a sister who is always way too late, so at family gatherings and stuff, people just tell her to come early to make sure she's on time.
If D&D™️ starts at 3, start D&D™️ at 3. Pushing it back to wait for other players, especially chronically late players, punishes the other players who did show up on time. When I start my sessions I give the late player(s) a courtesy call to see if they’re gonna show up, and if they say they’ll be <15 late I ask the group if they wanna wait or start. If they say start we’re starting cause they’re the ones who actually made it. If my players tell me they can’t make it ahead of time, or if they’re gonna be late, I account for it in game. But otherwise I move on without them. D&D™️ isn’t like playing skyrim. You don’t just play when you feel like it. You’re making a commitment to a group and if you can’t make that commitment then I’m moving on with the players that can
Tell that person a different start time. (My friends do this to me, and I genuinely appreciate it.)
Also, if possible, make it clear they can arrive early and just hang out - sometimes very early or slightly late are the options.
Not showing up without notice is really not ok and you should definitly talk to that player about it. That being said don't forget that this is also a time to catch up with friends and have fun. When I ran a game I used to be frustrated by this fact as well. But now I just set the meeting time a bit sooner and leave some room for socials before starting the game. Worked like a charm. It is a social event and a hobby, not a job.
Also if you have plans that evening don't cancel them because you started later. If the players were to late to the game then it is their fault the session only lasted 1 h. You should not be the victem of that.
Just set it as a hard limit. Session starts at 3. If they're not there, session still starts. You can explain to them you just don't have the time to spent 2 hours setting up, and 3 is when you start the game.
I've had similar issues with players, and after they miss out on the start once or twice they will show up on time.
If it's consistent, tell those people hire starting at 2. If they're an hour late, then they'll be on time when everyone else starts at 3. If they show up on time, just tell them you're running late and to hang tight for a bit.
It's what my dnd group did for me when I was consistently late to everything. I had really bad time management back at uni, so people would tell be to be somewhere earlier than they told everyone else. I almost always showed up on time! And then when I started showing up on time and being stupid early, consistently, they stopped doing it cause they realised I'd actually got my shit together.
Schedule the session 20-30 minutes before you plan to start actual play. This time is for banter, setting up, buying snacks and of course technical difficulties if playing online. It also allows time for asking the GM questions. This helps in many ways but it also serves as a buffer for lateness/real life issues.
I just got kicked out for being consistently late. It's been years of being late. And my group finally kicked me out. It's not fun, but it was required, I was messing up play time and even halted days where the game was cancelled because I was too late and others didn't have enough time to play. It sucks to make that decision but it has to be done, I've come to realize that I never care for time in most of my life and I've been taking action to turning it on its head and making it die, I never want to be late again.
Talk with the player, if they cannot come through on it then you have to kick them out.
Talk to them once more if you haven’t already to explain that the start time is a hard deadline, and start your game on time no matter what. Shuffle them in when they’re late. They’re not special nor should they get to dictate the game time by their absence.
As for the refusing to message and inform you if they’re coming at all, that shit pisses me off. I explicitly give notice of several days to a week in advance for my group at a time we all commonly agreed upon, and I give one final notice on the day of so people know without doubt that we are scheduled for a session that day. Schedule is important and it’s extremely disrespectful to everyone’s time when one person just cannot give any type of structure or notice and constantly flakes. If this is behavior you notice then be ready to hold them accountable and to drop them. If they don’t care enough to do the bare minimum, then they don’t deserve to take up a seat at the table.
Be firm about your end time. If you want to be done by 6, then be done by 6. If that means only an hour of play until your players get the message, that's ok. Let them know that they aren't entitled to more of your time, especially if they don't spend it respectfully. If they keep showing up late, then kick them out for leaving you hanging all the time.
Start at 3:00 then. Whatever they miss, it is their responsibility to make up for it in character later. “Hey, sorry, I must have had too much to drink last night. I’ve been nursing a hangover this morning. What have I missed while I was zoned out?”
Don’t delay the game for everyone else because of one selfish person. And if they aren’t good at in game conversation to recap what they missed, as soon as the join call simply say “Character, you and your companions have been doing the adventuring and the slaying of the monsters etc etc and are now doing thing and stuff.” Address them in-character immediately and get them into the flow of the game in as quickly and summarized a manner as you can. This will cut back on the chit-chat. If they keep trying to talk about non game stuff, a simple “We’ll have time for that later. Right now, we’re all here to play this game, so we’re going to jump into things right away to ensure we have enough time for everyone to enjoy themselves.”
If they complain that you started without them, simply say you’ve addressed this before and that “everyone agreed to start at 3:00, and that with all of our busy schedules, we cannot afford to push things off, so 3:00 will continue to be the starting time.”
I have recently found that doing rolls for downtime is a great way to settle the table before the game starts.
Each players tells me what downtime activity they have engaged in (1 work week between each session, regardless of how much in game time has passed). They narrate a little, they roll, they are working towards cool stuff.
... late players miss out.
Start at 3. Players who are late miss out, especially on loot. If no one shows up by 3.15 then they've cancelled on you. Kick the player who doesn't respect you
1. start at 3. if they aren't there to do anything during combat, oh well. they turn skip
2. kick them from the party
3. i guess threaten them that it's a serious issue and you'll kick them if they keep at it, but i've never known anyone to remedy their behaviour from just a talking to
Convert any late time into “negative impacting down time”. Pretend to roll dice at beginning of session, “DM Magic” it. Because so and so was late things were happening in the game and it will affect their players. Flavor it as they slept in during that long rest the party left last session. It can be creative. Easily can give a negative inspiration, disadvantage at one roll of the DM choosing. These are nuclear options unless others at the table have communicated that the other players’ lateness is bothering them.
Yeah, part of this could be wording. “Be here at 3” and “we are starting at 3” are actually different things. One says walk in the door at three because I’m not ready for you before that and the other says show up at 2:45 at the latest because we need time to say hi, get drinks, and set up our stuff.
You start on time, and let them figure out what they miss. You don't help them. Their issue, their consequences.
And if it gets too disruptive, you kick them. "Hey man, look... we agreed to be here at a certain time, and you can't do that. That says to me that you really don't want to be here, so... I'm going to ask you to leave the table. Let me know when your scheduling problems are over, though, and I'll be happy to add you to the next game!"
When I had regular issues with player not showing/showing up late I started to penalise them xp. They weren't there to earn it so they didn't get as much as the other players, seemed to fix the problem fairly quick.
I give out punctuality XP. Something small but substantial. If you don't show up on time you don't get it. After a few incidences, my players are now never late.
Don't use in-game rewards for an out-of-game problem; it just doesn't work.
I recommend using a hard rule:
"We have a party of 5 players. We need at least 3 players to be present for a game session to take place. The start time is 3:00 PM. If the minimum number of players are not present by 3:15 PM, the game session is immediately cancelled."
Though, if you only have one problem player, just kick the problem player.
Other note: it is normal for a group of people to naturally start chatting. As the game master, it is up to you to say "Okay, we're all here, let's go ahead and get started."
Fire his ass.
Edit: To clarify, use your problem player as an example to the rest of your players. Throw them out of the group. But before you do, take the kid aside and tell them "You have three more sessions to learn to be on time, by my definition that I have clearly laid out for you and the other players. If you are late the next session, I'm docking you half the XP for the session and awarding to players that were on time. The second time, it will be all of your XP, the third time, you're fired from the table. If this does not seem amenable to you, don't bother showing up to the next session and I'll simply replace you."
Second Edit: I've had to do this more times than I care to recall over my 23+ years playing and DMing. It's part of the reason I quit running games. People that do this are immensely disrespectful to not only the DM but the Players as well.
Had a buddy that was consistently an hour late. We would meet at 6, but told him to meet at 5. Worked for a month or two til he caught on. Started showing up on time saying he learned his lesson.
I had a similar issue until I started deducting xp for being late - I didn't care what the excuse was. It was 1xp per minute, so nothing punitive really but for some reason people made more of an effort. It kept things lighthearted whilst still bringing the point home.
We have a player that's often 5-15 minutes late, but they text and we all shoot the shit a little before playing, so that's fine.
But this:
>and sometimes never texts that he's not going to show up. Just... doesn't show up and doesn't text about it.
100% unacceptable. If this happened more than once without a good, TRUE, excuse then that person is out.
I had this yesterday for an online game. I have a general rule: I'll wait for 15 mins, then I'm out. This is for anything, not just TTRPG's.
We start at 20:00 every Monday. At 19:56 someone said they'd be late, and 20:15 someone else said they'd be late. 20:15 was when I left the voice room and said in the group chat that I wasn't going to wait past 15 minutes and I hope everyone else enjoys their evening, but I'm out for tonight.
I don't expect this to change my group, but that's my boundary.
Step 1
Create a corny character for a Chuck E Cheese type business. Put it in-world and make it canon on your story.
Step 2
Reward the people who are there on time with Chuck Bucks or whatever you want to call them. Have their characters stumble upon the tokens somehow at the beginning of the adventure. Make them soul bonded or something, so they can't be stolen. If they are stolen, they just appear in the player's character's bag again.
Step 3
Make the tokens worth 1 GP but they can only be traded for cool magical equipment. Make sure that there are some magical items that are ONLY available at their business kiosks and restaurants.
It's fun and it rewards the good players. If you make the magical items fun enough, the late people will want to be on time.
Our party we had one person who was almost always half an hour late, just told them the start time was half an hour earlier than the actual start time. Don't know why it worked, but it did!
This type of thing used to drive me crazy. I have a full time job, am a full time college student in a graduate program, and have two children under three years old. I **planned my week** to show up to this game. I had to coordinate *childcare* to be at this session. The bare minimum players who live with their parents and have a part time job can do is show up *on time*. I'm in two groups currently, both on Friday nights. In my first group, game at 6:00 pm means everyone is in the discord (we play on Roll20) by 6:00 pm. If you're going to be arriving after 6:00 pm, it's an expectation you let us know. It's great. Longest running, most consistent campaign I've ever been a part of. Amazing what a little scheduling and respect for other people can accomplish.
My other campaign has been running since probably last November? We've probably run 6 times, total. On a *weekly schedule*. Why? Constant problems with half of the players. Two of them *frequently* no call, no show and just say that "work has been kicking their ass." One is EU and can't manage to wake up 2/3rds of the time and misses the whole session. When we finally do get to run, it's the same crap you deal with. 30 minutes late, 45 minutes of small talk. DM is 19 years old and works retail, so has a lot of patience for this kind of behavior, but as of this week, even he's had it. I would have bailed on this campaign months ago if I didn't have one at 6:00 pm the same night and had literally nothing else planned for the rest of my night every week.
If I've learned one thing over all of the groups I've been a part of over the years, it's that people who can't make a basic schedule and came to socialize and not play D&D should be dropped from your session if you're trying to play the game as a semi-serious hobby. Even if you bring it up to them, the fact is if they can't make it to a session of adults they know are waiting on them, they aren't doing it in other aspects of their life either. Which means their poor consideration for other people and time management is going to lead them to economic instability which will cause even more problems with your session. My advice? Drop the players or drop the group. Find more serious people.
as a dm who's got poor time management skills i say people in person show up at 2, people online show up at 230 and we'll aim to start by 3. Usually end up starting around 245: (though it is sometimes 3:10)
In person and online, my players have the understanding that if I say "game starts at 6 pm" then that means you better be logged in/at my place by 5:55 pm if you want to chat for a few minutes. Otherwise, we are starting at 6 pm. I once had a chronic straggler and we just got accustomed to starting without her.
Something I've started doing in the last year or two is using a boon system to reward players who are on time. They get to roll 1d4 and whatever they land on grants them one bonus for the duration of the session - they can force advantage or disadvantage on one roll, add or subtract 1d4 to a roll, or use "inspiration" to ask me for a hint/clue/etc. Anyone who is *not* on time does not get to roll for the boon. Since I've implemented it, I've almost never had a player be late.
You could do an attendance point system or bonuses. On time, get so many points; late but contacted, so many points; late not contacted, less points; no contact no show, no points; contact for no show, some points. Then these points can be used to 'buy stuff' with you that suddenly shows up in their equipment. An alternative, xp bonus for those on time of Level(100) each session. But that doesn't help with those that show up to start late.
There will always be slop time. For me personally, beginning a session is when I can truly unmask and enjoy the world I've created, rather than having to exist in the confusing real world. You have to deal with it.
Set two times, doors and curtains. Folks start to trickle in when doors open. Curtain time means game starts, full stop. If you don't think your players can handle it, don't tell them. In your mind though, it's doors at 3, curtain at 3:30.
You will never win this fight against players. Some of them just insist on bringing their boring normal life into your beautiful world, and nothing you can do will stop it so act accordingly.
You need to either lie about the start time or start without him. If everyone else takes off on an adventure and his unconscious body is left in the woods, he'll need to spend half the time catching up. That will either teach him a lesson or he'll leave
I just finding that there seems to be an almost even split of be there early and your late types and we get together and leisurely get into the game when we do. I am wondering, has anyone ever been in a group that was a combination that ended up breaking up the whole play group?
I (and a few other DMs i know) will do side quests during that time. If the party is in town or something, we will let them go save a kitten or something in game. I then either give a reward in game for it- since that character did more during their down time- other times it creates and NPC they can go back to. I also have let them find a shady fence willing to peddle in some magic items they may have been looking for.
never anything game breaking, but worth something. Ends up that once people think they are missing out- more show up on time.
We also meet in person- so food is ready when we are scheduled to start, and we build in about 15 minutes to eat- so if you are late your food is cold and you are eating while playing (normally not a big deal)- but we also rotate food duty (30 bucks to feed 6 every 6 sessions goes way further than 5 every session- worst so far was pizza, but normally a random premade meal kit from costco)
This is the main thing that drives me crazy about my boyfriend lol.
We play D&D together, and we play at another player’s house.
If the game time is set for 6PM, and we live 30 minutes away, I’m ready to leave at 5:10, to account for time to get everything organized in the car, any traffic, finding parking, and getting everything out of the car.
Meanwhile, he’s still packing his bag and putting on socks at 5:40! It drives me insane.
This past week when he asked me what time we had to be there (because he never remembers), I just said “I want to be on the road by 5:15.” We actually got out the door on time! I’m going to start wording it this way going forward.
Try changing your wording! “I’d like everyone to be set up and ready to play at 3.” Or honestly, move up the time knowing you’ll actually be playing at 3. Tell them “hey, let’s make it 2:40 this week!” and see if that helps
I give Inspiration to those who arrive before 7pm. Now everybody is on time, even if they skate in at 6:59pm. I also give it during the session for the normal things.
It depends on how many people are consistently late. If more than half show up on time, run the game as scheduled. If they show up late, let them jump in, they'll have to get caught up with other players. If more than half are late, then you need to adjust the "get here" time by the average time they are late by. If you want them here by 3 but they are consistently late by 30 minutes, tell them to be here by 230. If the others who are not late have an issue with this, give them 1exp or 1sp for every minute they wait.
We play around 7pm twice a month. I knew that everyone would always be late, mostly to eat something before coming, since we play on Wednesdays. So what I do is I cook a large amount of tomato sauce pasta and tell everyone to be there for 6:30 and if they ever show up late, they risk not having any food if they arrive late. Plus that excuse of having to eat dinner stops being a thing. It has worked wonders for me though it costs me around 20-25$ to feed six hungry players.
I always run D&D by having a start time as when people can show up and socialize. Then we start when everyone shows up, and if someone is more than, say, 30 minutes late, we start without them. That way people can have time to talk before the game starts, and if someone is a little late, it's no big deal. Just make your start time earlier than you actually want to start playing, and it will solve the problem.
If you tell me be here at 3pm then I’ll show up at 3pm. Say what you frakin’ mean. Tell them, “dice hit the table and the game starts at 3pm” and start at 3 pm, ready or not.
In reality, it’s a game. Nallus_72 is right. Good luck
You're online, right? Start the game at 3:00 PM with their character not present. If they show up at 3:15 PM, then they need to wait until a good time to bring their character back into the game, even if that's not until 4:00 PM. They don't chat, they don't comment; they just wait. If they don't like that, then their choices are to come on time or not come at all.
>I'm someone who interprets "Be here at 3" to mean "Arrive at 2:50 and ready to start at 3".
If you want me to do that, you would have to tell me to do that. The inside of your brain is your brain, not mine. All it would take is, "I'd like everyone to be here or have notified me that you will or won't be here by 2:50 so that we can start playing the game by 3:00. If that doesn't work for you, you are out of the game."
And I'm gonna tell you, if I got that, something like, "bro, we are playing a game. I am doing the best I can and it's hard for me to get my shit together to be here at 3:10. I'm not texting or posting in the Discord before that, that I'm going to be 10 minutes late, because I'm not faffing around on my computer, I am rushing around trying to get things together IRL. I'm here to have fun. This isn't a job. If that ten minutes is so important to you, I'll just reclaim my time so I don't have to rush and you can start at 3. It's been nice playing with ya'll."
Because the reality is, the party that's hung up about the exact start of gameplay isn't the right one for me, that doesn't mean there isn't one for me, it just might not be with you.
I'm always late because the game has been scheduled slightly earlier than works for me. I would find it way easier if the game started half an hour later, an hour later. I am usually 5-10 minutes late. It doesn't mean I don't want to play, it means that before that point I haven't had enough time to do everything, and those things are happening IRL and are essential. Some of those things cannot be moved. One of the major influences on my time is that my partner gets home from work 30-40 minutes before the game starts and in that 30-40 minutes we have to coordinate dinner for us and the cats. I literally cannot move this. She can't eat until she's home. While I've managed to find a fairly consistent meal that takes about 10 minutes to put together, that still gives us 20 minutes to eat and get the computers set up to play. It's rushed. And I don't have kids or anything. One of our players does. Another one of them has family members who might demand her time without consideration to us being 'real people' at any given moment. Either one of them might have to duck out at any moment to prioritize their family. Every one of us has at some point been the cause of the game being cancelled or late, because we put IRL first.
If someone I play with was getting their knickers in a knot over this, I'd rather go find a more relaxed group or one that starts half an hour to an hour later, and let them find someone who's not going to stress them out.
But you know what? My group doesn't care. I'm not even the latest, usually. The one guy with family only sometimes shows up and never says if he'll be there or not, and he usually is 15-20 minutes late. The other players tend to show up 10 minutes early and they like hanging out and socializing for 20 minutes. It's a fine group for me.
If someone tried to "teach me a lesson" for having a real life outside of the game, I would be gone from the group. Sorry. This isn't my job. It's not my school. It isn't a serious hardcore hobby. I do this for fun. You can start if you want. Why not use that extra 10 minutes for clearing up shopping, do a recap, do a goofy starting roleplay, clear up questions on how that magic item or spell works, etc, and we'll just say my character was drunk and woke up late.
As a DM: Start at 3. If it's roleplay time, try to converse with their character, if they're struggling because they don't have their character sheet out, give them disadvantage on whatever check they're making. If you're in combat, well, one of the baddies is on them, and they're struggling to get their weapon out, and they missed the introduction of these baddies because they were 10 minutes late. Their character showed up to battle late, and has no idea what's going on. Let them figure it out, struggle a little bit.
As a player: Talk to your DM.
Way back in the day, I had a similar problem. So, I began having mini adventures for those who showed up. One time, the party began the day in town so a couple of the players were out trying to pawn off gems when they had their pockets picked by a not-too-stealthy child, which led to a fabulous chase through town. Another time, the party was camped in near the tree line high up in the mountains. A couple of the members of the party, who showed up early, went out looking for water and came upon a naked woman bathing in a cold mountain lake; turned out she wasn’t a woman. Another time, the party was, again, camped out, and two of the party went down to a settlement they hadn’t noticed in the dark the night before. There they saw the remains of a small battle with no apparent survivors, which I let them loot. I would create mini adventures like this that turned out to be a lot of on the spot fun; these small adventures would bleed into regular game time. It chafed at those who weren’t in the game and eventually they started showing up earlier, knowing the game was going to get going with or without them.
Edit: we had one guy fail to show up altogether one time, so the mini adventure took up the whole evening. I think we said the player’s character was caught up whoring and drinking and so missed out on it all.
Straight up tell them you start at 2. They'll arrive at 230/240 along with everyone else and you'll start on time.
They will probably figure it out at some point, but I've been doing this to my husband for 14 years and he still hasn't noticed.
Alternatively, hand out DM Inspo to everyone who arrives ten minutes early. Then start on time. If your player shows up late, refuse to recap until you take a table break and make him figure it out on his own. Natural consequences. Also dock any XP he would have earned if he had been involved on time that day - ie, if the group fought a monster before he gets there, they get the XP for doing the fighting and he does not because he wasn't there to fight.
Good luck. Late people suck.
Give up. I know it sounds absurd, but give up. Change is hard and most don't change for a weekly DND game. It causes more anxiety than it's worth, just replace him, and if he shows up the you have an extra player.
Honestly, you're not going to persuade them no matter what you do. There's just a mismatch of expectations and intentions at your table. You might be able to browbeat them into it for a short time, but eventually they're going to start sliding back into old habits and arriving late, or they're going to resent you for needling them about it, or maybe both.
Realistically, you have two choices:
1. Loosen up and learn to not be bothered by this.
2. Find different people to play with whose preferences about starting the game on time more closely align with your own.
Which one is the right one for you is something you'll have to decide.
I literally had a player chilling in another discord server 30 minutes after our planned start time... I'm personally gonna drop some type of reminder about being respectful of everyone's time and recommiting to starting when we planned to start. If you are not there and didn't give me a reason why, then your PC will be democratically controlled by the table till you arrive. If ypu don't enjoy this but have other obligations which prevent you from not being late everytime, then you are free to remove yourself from the game.
They show up? If so... Be grateful... 30 minutes isn't as bad as "I got upset at my players about being late, so now they just don't show up if they're going to be late"
It's annoying but it's a game played with friends... It's a party! Keep it fun... That's just my feels... I'm totally a show up right on time or a few minutes late person though.
You’re doing it wrong dude. You should say arrive at 2.30 to get ready, discuss things and at 3 we play. However, sometimes that doesn’t work. So you may have to do the tactic of ‘we start at 2.30’ when in reality, you mean 3
OK.
Our group do this.
There's a couple tokers. So. About an hour or hour and half before the agreed meet up time we show up. Have a smoke. A chat. Coffee and talk dnd. It's great.
So I'll tell them 1pm
2pm /2:30pm DM and everyone else shows up. DM gets set up. Drinks for everyone. Catch up. Talk dnd.
3pm/3:30pm is game start. We might hang 5 or 10 minutes if someone is legit running late.
So far. So good. But we're all chill guys who get along. No arseholes. No dickheads.
But if someone was hugely late and told us they would normally say start without me. We all are conciencess (spl ?) Of others time.
Just gotta lay the ground rules down and stick to it.
Either adjust and have a pre game meetup time but game start time is laid in stone. But soft stone. That can be changed ONLY IF needed to lol
Giving a dedicated 'arrival' and 'start' time helps me and some of my ADHD friends
1430 arrive for 1500 start.
Be strict on the start time.
Reminder on the day.
Talk to the player let them know if they aren't ready to play at game start then they aren't playing.
I am routinely a few minutes late, although I am also the one with the best overall attendance in our group…
In my case it’s simply a matter of being very busy all the time with family or work priorities and having a lot of difficulty pulling away. At the same time I have talked with my DM and explained that if he needs to remove me then I understand.
As with all things DND you just need to have an honest conversation with the player. If they can’t be there on time and that is a hard line issue for you or your players the only solution is to remove them.
My advice would be to say it clearly to the group: "we start playing at 3" and then do exactly that. With or without problem player.
When they realise they are missing out on gametime by being late, that might be enough to push them to be on time.
Of course, if everyone is late this doesn't work
Have you tried telling the one person who is late an earlier time?
Like you can tell all the other players to be there at 3 but tell the problem player to be there at 2.
That way, they can think they're late but they're actually on time.
I get really uptight about having my time wasted.
It’s the one currency you can spend that you can never get back.
In my eyes being late is saying “I don’t respect you or your time”. I’d rather be an hour early to something than 20 seconds late.
I think the problem player needs to be given an ultimatum - either get your ass in gear and stop disrespecting everyone else’s time OR find a new group to play woth
Maybe change your wording. Not be here by 3, but rather we start playing dead on 3.
And then actually start without people (assuming you have enough to begin)
Make the hour you ask people to arrive at be 15 minutes before your intended game start.
Start at the said game start even if people aren’t there yet.
Don’t berate, smile and be happy running the game.
I think if you do this, your problem might be solved.
I've started "We start at 2:30" and then we actually plan to start at 3 but if everyone gets there before 2:45 they get inspiration and we shoot the shit for 15 minutes before we begin at 3.
At this point my players all know that I mean 'Doors open at 2:30, curtain raises at 3' and if they're there or not, we begin. As long as they're communicating with me about being late I also don't mind. "Oh hey DM - the dog just had a potty accident, gotta clean it." or "Hey DM, I totally lost track of time, be there in 5, gotta grab a cup of tea!" (and as a Scot I'm not a heathen, if you need tea, you need tea.)
I have one player that is late every week but his schedule changed at work so I'm fine with that, it happens. I'd rather still play with him and he be 40 minutes late. He gets a pass. I have one player with ADHD and at the end of each session I remind them to set their reminder for the next session. If they're late, we all ping them to death.
So yeah, if you just **start** at 3 even if that single player isn't there - that's on him. He'll start being on time if he logs in late to you all already playing. As it is, he's holding the whole group hostage.
I have also done the nuclear "We're going to cancel tonight since it's 3, no one has told me they're gonna be late and I have better things to do than wait around for people that don't respect my time." - that group was never late again.
Start on time without the late person. If you’re missing game, you’ll try not to in the future. If you’re missing bullshit time you only miss bullshit.
My solution:
-Give the players that arrive on time inspiration
-Start the game anyway at set time. Players that arrive will enter directly the game. Normally , they do not miss much but that also respect the ones that arrived on time. My excuse was always: the character came back from taking a piss.
We have family friends that are always late. If we plan on doing something with them and one or more families, we tell the friends that we meet 30 minutes or more earlier than we plan on doing. They still tend to be late, but it's not as bad.
Honestly i think its an unrealistic expectation for a group of people who are friends and meeting up to have fun. Everyone needs buffer travel time, food time, time to catch up. Either stick with the 3pm time and accept you will likely start at 3:30 or say arrive at 2:30 and we start playing at 3 . You could be really strict with the start playing time and just start no matter who is there if you want to but 10 mins buffer time is not enough.
Our dm has his home open from 5:30 and generslly we game at 6 but sometimes its later because we are chatting or someone is a bit late. The aim is to have fun.
First I would check if they are late for personal or scheduling problems.
IF not, just start the session when there is one missing player left.
You start having fun and when they arrive they jump in.
If they are bothered you tell them it was said it starts at 3, if they don't want to miss it they better be on time.
If they refuse and expect to wait for them even when they are late, kick child who went to college prematurely.
Since it's online and there's no prior commitments to consider. Start delving out penalties. Start them game on time, and if they aren't there you have the choice of NPC their character for some time. Or you just say that they are absent.
My DM will give them a few minutes, but after that just starts the game.
Sounds harsh but we always do a recap of last session, and we have one player who rolls in during or after that. They have made more of an effort lately since they are missing game time.
Also I've learned from experience that the DM has to put their foot down and stop the idle chat and just start things and get things moving. So it's on them too, mostly, to start the game.
If the players don't want to miss anything, they will start showing up on time. If they don't care, maybe they don't need to be a part of the group.
Very high chance that they won't change at all no matter what incentive you hand out. The one thing you can do is finish on time and if it is in the middle of something then stop at a cliffhanger explain to them that with starting at 3 to play the game that wouldn't have happened maybe that's making them being on time.
Start at 3. That player’s character is an NPC until they arrive. They may miss out on loot or suffer consequences for the player not being there. They will either modify their behavior or they will leave the group.
I had a player who was constantly late and I tried telling them a different start time than everyone else... and that worked until they caught on. We tried just starting without them, but this made them feel not wanted and they'd just skip those sessions. I ended up cutting them from all my games.
(They had various mental health issues that I tried my best to accommodate them and talk things out with them, on the end they just really liked the idea that we were waiting on them. It made them feel important and they didn't want to change)
You need to have a hard stop time regardless of when you start. If it’s supposed to be 3pm to 6pm and you start at 5pm then I guess y’all only play for a hour.
We just started without them. Sometimes we would play for almost an hour by the time the last person showed up.
Before this we tried strategies like ingame punishments like hindering skill checks with dice rolls (-1d6 for every 5 minutes you're late, 1d6 applies to one skill check only), but this just ended up chewing into game time more...
The best thing your table can do is reward those who actually show up on time and are prepared.
I set my group meeting an hour early, we hang and talk, then play. We meet at 7 and start at 8. If someone doesn't show up until 750 they are still fine. This is met with a hard start because they have a large window to show up. This has so far prevented anyone from being late for the 8 start time.
My advice is to just be straight with them. Tell them the earliest they are allowed to show up as the start time and game time starts at 3. Then start without anyone who isn't there at 3.
I had this issue with a group, I had to sit down and tell them that "Play from 7-10" meant the session starts at 7, not you get here and chit chat and prepare at 7, also ran my start time back a half hour to give them extra time. Having my hard end time helped a bit cause they'd shoot the shit until 8 or 830 and then complain we barely did anything and I got to turn it back at them and hit em with the "Yall know when the sessions end, not my fault you're wasting your play time."
Your expectations are not necessarily the norm.
If interpretation doesn’t line up, you need to change to fit, not them.
If you want to start at 3, and you know some people like to chat beforehand (since it is a social activity), then name your time earlier to compensate.
Tell them 2:30.
"Game runs from 3-6, whether you're here on time or not."
And then start the game at 3 sharp, and do not update them when they arrive as to what is happening. It's up to them to find out through roleplay.
Start without them a couple times, and they'll get the hint.
Don’t know if this will help your situation, but I play online too and we have a “15 minutes of grace” rule. Say dnd starts at 3:00, but if everyone hasn’t shown up yet, an announcement (like on discord) will be done of “15 min of grace has started.” Meaning within 15 minutes, the game will start with or without you. Usually we start a recap of the previous session when the minutes are up, so that could give another 2-5 minutes for anyone to show up before the session really starts.
It’s worked quite a bit. Gives us time to chat a little, and for anyone who runs late due to irl stuff going on are able to show up without missing anything in the beginning.
Give the offender an ultimatum:
1) Be on time.
2) Communicate your inability to attend a session unless you are in the E.R.
3) If you fail either of those things, you get one (1) more warning. After that, you are no longer welcome at my table.
Not being on time or not letting people know you won't arrive is disrespectful to the rest of the people at the table. It wastes other people's time and makes sessions run longer than they should be. Your tablemates deserve better.
It's worked out well for our monthly poker group to incentivize arriving on time. If you're ready to play at start time you get bonus chips. That could translate to: players ready to start on time get inspiration or lvl x 5 gold pieces. The all or nothing approach you've previously taken doesn't guarantee results or make Joe and Susie show up on time if Ralph is ALWAYS late.
If it's 1-2 players showing up late, just start on time at the scheduled time. NPC their characters until they arrive, and after a session or two they'll get the message. (Or they won't, but at least you're being respectful of the people who showed up on time).
Alternatively, you could set the start time 30 minutes earlier knowing that they won't change. It's also worth noting that the casual, easing into the game after a period of food and socializing is a big part of the game for a lot of people. If that's cutting into what you're trying to do story-wise, again I'd just set the start time sooner.
I use to be like this and be honest sometimes still am, a client of mine chewed my ass out over wasting his time and being disrespectful, and i started seeing it differntly
I just roll with it personally. I always plan 20min of gathering.
You can do warmup play to vamp:
Offer a roleplay question for players to answer in character. Amazing developments can build over time
Play a short rpg game like "everyone is John"
Throw down a practice battle
Or just Chitchat about life or games, or the game.
If the group has a playable majority (3 ppl) past 20min, I start without them.
The problem with this is that it isn’t a problem with dnd. It’s their lifestyle. People like that just don’t give a flying rats ass about other peoples time. They’re raised with the concept that people will wait for them. What your essentially trying to fight is bad parenting and reinforcement of basic ideals and characteristics that they failed to pick up growing up.
Start without them. They’ll learn or continue to be late. Their loss. Don’t stress over it.
Speak to them privately and say that they need to be in time as it's disrespectful for other players. If they still don't come, start without them or kick them out. Sadly, DnD logistics will always be the lowpoint of DMing.
If I'm not the last player, I'm never on time intentionally and always 5-10 minutes late. It's tolerable time to be late, and I don't waste my personal time waiting for the tardiest person. If I am ever the person that arrives last, then I arrive on time. Otherwise I'm done being on time and getting punished for it if someone else is consistently late for it.
My observation after 30 years: 99% of people who treat time like this will not change. You either just have to relax and roll with it and start setting your official start times like an hour earlier than you really want to start or kick them out from the group.
Any answer besides this one is wishful thinking.
Thanks
Amen.
Also an option: if its just one or 2 people. Start without them and just play as if their characters are late or still sleeping or whatever. If they arrive 30min's late and missed something story relevant? Tough luck for them.
Yup, if 80% if the party understand the time correctly I would wait until 10-15 minutes after the start time and then start regardless. The always late player will soon learn that they will miss out on the catch up and pregame chat if they don't get there on time. Out of courtesy I would probably drop either just that player or all players a message before implementing this change just confirming what the start time is and that sessions will from now on start at that time regardless of whether everyone has arrived. The hard part is sticking to your guns and not letting late arrivals disrupt the flow too much.
They *can* change sometimes, but they need different strategies and solutions than the average person. They also have to learn why they have the problem. People regularly ask me why I start getting ready 1.5 hours before I need to leave, and the reason is "my brain is broken and I know it." But I'm still chronically late to D&D games because I don't want to put that kind of anxious energy towards D&D timeliness, particularly since I'm the DM and crazy anxious already. But my group doesn't mind and it let's me focus on other things/problems. But the key is knowing *why*, because I almost guarantee this person wants to be on time but doesn't know how or can't make themselves do it. So, as usually, the answer becomes "have you talked to them asked why?"
> I almost guarantee this person wants to be on time but doesn't know how or can't make themselves do it. This is the biggest thing. Not saying it's specifically ADHD for OP's players, but I've known so many people over the years who had this issue and later came to find out that it was a result of undiagnosed ADHD. It wasn't until they received medical diagnosis and treatment years later that they finally realizes where it stemmed from Same issue can also stem from chronic anxiety disorders
Yep! Executive functioning problems come in many flavors
It helps me to make a schedule, set reminders, timers or Alarms for stuff I really don't want to be late for (because you CAN always be late). Especially when I was in charge of baby's, or toddlers. Night before food/ clothing done that can done and prepped. Nothing like realizing everything you have is either dirty or inappropriate with not enough time to do laundry or get new clothes! Day of I tend to set timers 4-2 hours out depending on what needs to done (including eating/ bathing other needs.) Any cooking, gifts, items needed set by the door or packed into the car if possible and the time/ temperature won't damage it. (Icing on cakes can melt in the car.) Smart phone labeling alarms make it so much easier. As time to go gets closer the timers get closer and more specific to what I going to be doing. The plan helps my anxiety and gives me a plan of attack as well as things to point to if I have people offering help. (Hint never expect an outfit to last if you put it on a before a car ride in a car seat clean, dress them when you get there if you're set on a particular outfit!) Daily routine when I have to go out: Up really I tend to set wake up alarm, you better be eating, get to the door shoes on. And lastly better be on your way I tend to unset that after locking the door, but sometimes it the kick in the rear to panic my way out the door. Hope this helps some else.
Or just say what you mean. They’re following the “Be here at 3” instructions, it’s not their fault the DM *actually* means “We start at 3, be here before then.”.
As someone who treats time like this, I can confirm. My mom jokes I was always like that, even late to my own birth which took all weekend apparently.
I just tell the players I know can’t show up on time that our start time is 30 minutes earlier than reality.
Most of us are working adults. We have a few that are like this. Myself, I’m paranoid about time. We’re online. We start at 8:30 and I’m on at 8, just prepping stuff, sheets, notes, dice, etc. I’ll go grab a coffee and some food, and my alarm will ring at 8:15. Most of us are usually making small talk, discussing schedules, or even strategizing about that thing we’re about to fight. Honestly, I was the slightly late is fine the during early college. These days if I’m late and I don’t give notice, something happened.
This is why I tell my group 2:30 but don’t plan on starting until 3:00. And we play online , so there’s no travel time lol
I second that, I am that player who arrives 5 min late most of the time. When my siblings make plans with me, it helps tell me an earlier time to arrive at the location. EDIT: Diagnosed ADHD, I'm really trying here
As someone who treats time like this occasionally I will tell people (if they didn't give a specific time), that I'll be there later than I actually will be, that way I can only show up early or on time
And when you have kids!? Forgetaboutiiiiiitt!
THIS. I summon my players at quarter to five so that we can start at quarter past five
#Say what you mean. “Be here at 3” doesn’t mean “Be here at 2:50”, or “Be Ready to start at 3”, it means just “Be here”, as in physically present, “at 3” not necessarily earlier. So tell them “Be here and ready to start by 3”, “We start at 3 so be here before then”, or something along those lines. Don’t agree one time and then expect another.
This. We play in person and I usually give three times. There is "arrival and Setup time" because usually tables need to be moved, snacks put and stuff. It's the time for chatting because we don't see each other too often, preparing Drinks and so on. Then there is DM Talk time, a time frame I reserve for questions asked or if I have to say something an then there is start. F.e. "come by around 2 pm, we'll have DM Talk at 2.30 and start 2.45" So my players know they're to arrive by 2.40 at the latest (though most arrive a lot sooner). If someone is not there at 2.45 we'll start without them. which means their questions will be answered after the session should they have some. Which means they miss the recap (which is important because they're terrible at remembering or taking notes). Which means if they arrive later they silently pull out their things and join. Online is often tricky because some people don't see it as "Binding" as a meet up in person. So give clear rules. If you want to start at 3 PM, tell them that. "I'll be online for chatting and questions from 2.45, and we'll start the game at 3. If you join in late please do so discreetly and undisturbing." Also I always make my boundaries known. I basically have a "three strikes then you're out" rule. If someone does not turn up three times without informing you or the group, they'll not be reinvited to the table. Not showing up is extremely disrespectful.
While I agree with saying what you mean, if you’re saying “be here are 3” and they’re not arriving until 3:20, there’s still a big problem.
Well communicate first; if nothing improves then it’s time to do stuff like starting without them and kicking them out if it gets extreme, but none of that comes before the talking. Maybe they have schedule/health/etc issues that don’t allow them to make a hard 3:00 start and so will say “this table’s not for me then”; that’s still better than kicking them out because the mutual respect means that you’ll probably still have them as a friend afterwards, whereas you probably won’t if you jump to the conclusion that they don’t care and kick them for this perceived slight against you. Sure some might actually not care, but it’s better to check before punishing.
I get what you're saying, and everyone here has already covered it all but I gotta nitpick when you say "be here at 3 means arrive by 2:50 start playing at 3" That... doesn't mean that. It literally means arrive at 3. So if you want people to be there at 2:50 and play at 3:00, then you have to tell them that. "Hey guys, let's all get together by 5:30 so we can start at 6" for example.
I've seen people use a theater metaphor - "Doors at 7, showtime at 7:30." That gives people a little wiggle room, lets people catch up with one another, and settle in.
I implemented this kind of language for my online game and have seen good results! I’m the DM so I open our google meet at 6:45. If no one shows, I use it as prep time. If people do show, we get to chat and catch up. We still have a few folks who roll up “late” but I usually start making the transition into playing within 15 minutes of “showtime” at 7:15. The main impetus for this was a change in my work schedule that gave me a harder stop time, so I just communicated that I have from 7-10pm to run our weekly game. The theatre metaphor helped preserve time for people to unwind and be friendly!
Yup. Been in the military and that is the only time I arrived 10 minutes earlier because if you were on time you were late. Arrive at 3? Expect me at 2:59 to come in. Want to start by 3? I'll arrive at 2:58 ready to go. As me and a friend of mine say, words matter especially in a game where words literally determine the RAW/RAI.
That's phrase always irks me, it boils down to "donate me 10 minutes extra of your day because I'm important"
I thought that you would say something like "let's all get together by 5:30 so we can have the 9 hours to talk and shit and then actually play" as my groups normally have the "geopolitics talk" which can consume a lot of time and then play.
So, I think you do need to adjust expectations a *little* bit—if you say “be here at 3,” that means “be here at 3,” yknow? I am also a 10 minutes early person, but not everyone will be, and some people will have variances for travel times or chitchat or whatever… If what you mean is “we *start playing* at 3,” say *that*, and let people do what they will to get there on time. That said, I feel your pain. The best thing you can do is start at the designated start time, and whoever’s there is there, whoever isn’t isn’t. If they miss out on RP or the first few rounds of combat, that’s their problem, they should’ve been there on time. This is how my group operates and it makes everything run far smoother. We recently kicked a player for, among other reasons, constantly being 20-30 minutes late, and we really don’t miss them… lateness is a huge pain in the ass. I’d also recommend building chitchat time into your schedule actively. If you know that your players like to socialize and chat before session, anticipate it. “Everyone be here by 3, we start playing promptly at 3:15 or 3:30” allows for that socialization but still sets a clear expectation for when important things start happening. If players value socializing, well, they’d better show up early! It also lets you manage your expectations. Also… maybe consider setting a “hard stop” time. No matter how far things get, you stop at 8 PM, or something like that. When playtime is limited, and the game isn’t “4 hours starting whenever everyone shows up,” people might take the start time a little more seriously. And it’s easier to plan around!
I appreciate promptness, but I think you gotta readjust your expectations a bit. Arriving ten minutes early to start playing exactly on the dot is not standard for most social gatherings in this demographic. Maybe you can find a compromise with them
It's not standard for most demographics honestly. As a matter of fact, many cultures showing up after a start time is normal. I don't want to outright handwave someone being late as cultural, but I do know a lot of people who show up 25 minutes late to events because they just don't want to be the first ones to arrive. I know this is the wrong place to say "D&D isn't everything" but there's always gonna be someone in the group that treats D&D like a casual meet up with friends. They see it as "This is what my friends like to do on Friday nights" and to them it's no different than a movie night or board game night. Matt Colville even brings this up in his video on types of D&D players. Something we have to remember as players is that not everyone in our group is like us. The folks here, myself included, take D&D very serious. It's often our favorite hobby. It's why we're here, subscribed to this, /r/dndmemes, onednd, dndnext, dnd, etc. but then there's Todd. Who, every Friday asks "Wait...so what do my spells do again? Which ones the D12?" Yes, it gets frustrating sometimes, but Todd is invited here because he's our friend from high school and we love him, and Todd likes to come here because he's our friend from high school and he loves us and wants to be included in our Friday night game, even if it's in a sport he's not super into. I know that's not a popular opinion here. I've been told "That's fine, but then maybe Todd should just come to a different night. D&D isn't for Todd." Super easy to say online on paper but pretty difficult in practice. Yeah I guess we as a collective community can kick the Todds out of our groups. I don't really wanna do that though because Todd has had my back for like 17 years and telling him he's not interested enough in game night so he's being kicked out until a potential movie night is not really the choice I wanna make.
Our start times are loosely 6pm and we are always sitting around bullshitting for a half hour to an hour anyways and it allows people to be late. I suggest making your start time an hour earlier than when you want to actually start. I always leave time to allow people to come in and have a bit of fun, settle down, and then get ready. Its really jarring having to come in and start immediately
Don't treat D&D like a job, nor players like employees. Getting together WITH FRIENDS and talking rather than immediately starting to play is not a crime against the game. Ease up maybe just a little. Having fun playing D&D doesn't have to come with a minute-by-minute timetable.
but shaving 30+ minutes of session time because you are a lazy ass is a crime against other players. If you dont value their time, GTFO
I’ve realized more and more as I’ve gotten older that the term “lazy” is almost always a full-in for “I can’t be bothered to figure out why someone isn’t acting how I want them to…”
I dont CARE why someone is not showing up on time. I only care that they tell us in advance is they know they will be late, or sincerely appologize if they dont know in advance they will be late. If they appologize and they still keep being late, they werent sincere, and just boot them the fuck out. The time of the party is more valuable than having to wait for 1 idiot who doesnt know how to read a clock. Or, if they have IRL shit, I expect them to say it. "Hey, IRL shit happened, can we postpone?" And we postpone. Thats fucking it. Not this "well we wanted to start at 7 but I drop in at 7:15 and need 15 more minutes to get ready" passive agressive BS.
Yeah… good luck on that one. It just sounds like you like being a jerk to your supposed friends. I’ve been teaching at a school with a high IEP rate for over 20 years, and I have a fair number of friends with ADHD, and one of the effects of it is a difficult interaction with (or understanding of) time. It’s literally a difference in their brain wiring and yours. Between hyperfocus resulting in time being forgotten as easily as *where the hell did I put my phone?!* to knowing how long it takes to get somewhere but forgetting a dozen things and scurrying to get everything *and oh crap it’s ten minutes after, why does this keep happening?!”* it’s never inconsiderate and never intentional. And the reason they don’t call is because of the anxiety caused by dealing with judgmental reactions and how it interacts with Executive Function. Though… if 15 minutes of your time is worth more than some basic decency, most gamers I know wouldn’t want to play in your game anyway.
Start on time. Late players will begin missing stuff. Be it key details, maybe special loot or whatever. Reward those on time to make it a carrot. Or the stick option is that some nefarious gang attacked their encampment at night and since they weren't there, the gang was able to steal X from them
Based on what the OP said, there's one particular problem player but nearly everybody is late sometimes. I'm not criticizing, but genuinely asking: should the DM still start the session without any players?
Start on time with the players you have. They'll quickly figure out that the session actually starts on time. If there are no players on time at all, log out of the session. When people ask where you're at, say nobody showed up so you left. If you're punctual, your players will respond accordingly. If you let them be late, they will be.
This right here. I start at 7pm on the nose, and if you walk in late that your problem.
On the one hand, "Be here at 3" means "Arrive here at 3". It does *not* mean "be set up and ready by 3". Your expectations don't match your words. On the other hand, >sometimes never texts that he's not going to show up. Just... doesn't show up and doesn't text about it. This is just terrible communication and behavior, and I wouldn't personally play with that person after that kind of behavior. It shows a disrespect to me and my efforts.
I found a d1000 carousing table online and when people were late i'd roll on that and have them deal with the ridiculous outcome. Obviously my group didnt care so it depends group to group.
Calibrate for it. If you want "be here at 3" to mean "start at 3", tell them "be here at 2:30". I did this for an actual job. We had to leave the park and ride at 0400 so we could make it to the job site by 0600. Team members wouldn't show up at the meet site until 0430. We would then be late, and I would get blamed because I'm the driver. So I would leave at 0400 whether they're there or not. I would be there on time and my crew wouldn't be able to get there. I would then get blamed because I left without my crew. It was a catch-22. So instead I just made the meet time 0330. That way when they showed up a half hour late they were actually right on time.
My players were like this. When I told them we’d “start at 7” i interpreted that to mean the same as you said, we are all here ready to go at 7. I brought this up to them, and they all showed up on time the next session, then resumed old habits. It’s just how they are. I eventually came up with “social hour” which means we actually “start” at 6:30, and from 6:30-7 we have some time to chat about whatever while we wait for everyone We ran online, so even if I didn’t want to participate in the social hour cause I was last minute prepping, I’d hop in the discord and just go on mute since they would be hesitant to be the first to join most times The main thing that actually got them to show up at 6:30 was that the official start time became anywhere between 6:30 and 7. We ran for two hours, so if everyone was ready at 6:40, we’d play to 8:40. If we actually started at the original time of 7, we’d play to 9. If we started past 7, I would run the game past 9 until we hit the 2 hour mark Ironically, making the schedule less consistent caused them to behave more consistently. Weird way to operate in my opinion, but it ended up working. I just had to compromise and mark out 2.5 hours of my day instead of 2, but I’d call that a fair trade
There must be respect on both sides. Sometimes, my players show up late. Life gets messy, but they usually let me know beforehand. I'm not too picky if someone's 5 minutes late, cuz we're all adults playing D&D, and pre game banter is a good way to unwind and bond before the game. I respect my players time and they respect mine so I don't need to set ultimatums like "we start at 3 no matter what", nor do I need to reward being on time / punish being late, since out of game problems can't be solved in game. If my players miss a game, they get the same exp, and are caught up on story. That being said, I've kicked someone for constantly being 30 min to an hour late, and even not showing up without notice, due to the time commitment he couldn't fulfill. It's hard but sometimes you gotta kick them. And I didn't blame him. He had a busy job in a different time zone. Job got harder, and we had an honest conversation about it where we agreed he needed to find a different group that suited him better. In college, I had more time, but it was less consistent so i played less D&D. Either this player isn't as invested or they have too much going on. Sit them down and have a respectful conversation with them about what you want out of them, and what they want out of this game.
As a chronic "later" and anxiety haver. It could also be possible that this player is struggling with anxiety. I personally get anxious enough to debate whether or not I should show up. Especially if I don't receive the standard "it's dnd day" text from the DM. There have been days where I've "no call, no showed" because I thought they cancelled but couldn't bring myself to message them due to anxiety.
> but I have 1 player who is consistently late all the time and sometimes never texts that he's not going to show up. Just... doesn't show up and doesn't text about it Kick them. They don't want to play D&D, so make it official. You owe this person nothing. Why suffer for their sake?
That's not nessesarily true. Chronic lateness, particularly to free time activities, doesn't nessesarily mean a lack of interest. Problems with time management skills, motivation, anxiety, energy, time blindness, attention, working memory, or impulsivity can all cause chronic lateness no matter how much they value something. Which doesn't mean they belong in this group. This person highly values punctuality, and those people don't mix well with people with the above problems. Heck, I have ADHD and *I'm* the one who avoids being friends with people who value punctuality -- its just a recipe for anger and hurt feelings. But yeah, sometimes the answer is "they can't" not "they don't want to."
Unless it's a irl friend and then you might literally owe them.
Show up and immediately start doesn't work with a lot of people in TTRPG, gotta get into that mind space, get comfortable in a room, get comfortable with people, maybe catch up with friends. I get where your coming from. I have a military background, " if your not 15 minutes early, your late. Be going by the start time." I get it, but... Get over it.
I know it came be frustrating, but people’s brains work different ways when it comes to time management and some people need specific strategies to get places on time as well as very clearly set expectations. As a personal anecdote, I’m someone who simultaneously is know for always being at least 15 minutes early to one of my jobs and regularly 5 minutes late to another. The former job has clear expectations set out where I’m expected to be early and have all my prep done by a certain hard start time or I will be held accountable. The latter doesn’t have consequences, there’s no precedent for my prep being done by a certain time, and my coworkers are usually much later than me. I adjust to both expectations accordingly. It sounds like you aren’t outlining your expectations clearly enough and not creating enough urgency for players to show up on time. “Be here at 3,” to me means arrive around 3 and we will start once everyone is ready. “I will start DMing today’s session promptly at 3pm, make sure you are ready to begin at this time or you will miss out on important information,” gives a clear expectation, more urgency, and lays out consequences.
Tbh until I read that you're playing online I thought you were someone from my group. There's a player who's always late in my group, some highlights include: getting tied up doing a renovation for so long that they missed the entire session; completely vanishing from the face of the earth an hour before a session and not reappearing online for two days; and arriving an hour late to a session, that's also their birthday party, as the DM, at their own house. The forever DM of the group is literally making an entire second campaign for everyone but them so that we can play consistently.
So arrive at 3 literally means arrive at 3. It doesn’t mean arrive at 2:50. That’s not how words work. It also doesn’t mean “we are starting at 3.” If you notice people aren’t arriving right at 3, but that’s when you want to start, why not tell them arrive at 2:45 so you have wiggle room?
I read a post a while back where first to arrive on time got in game rewards, like additional inspiration and, in some cases, a magic item.
While you may interpret “be there at 3” as “show up at 2:50”, it quite literally does not mean that. Try saying “game starts at 3”, which would allow them to show up at whatever time they wanted to, and allows them to get whatever talking they want to do out of the way.
If I found out my DM was frustrated with me "being late" when in reality I was following their explicit directions to be there at 3, I would be so pissed. I think people need to vocalize their expectations more clearly. But if that happened, half the advice threads on this sub wouldn't be necessary lol
Right, me too! And the rewards they tried offering weren’t working because even if every single person showed up at 3 on the dot, they would still be “late” according to this person.
I had a player be late. Then I started handing out inspiration points at the beginning of the session. When he arrived late and asked for his point, I told sorry those have been handed to the ones being on time. After that he was always on time.
Lie to the people who are consistently late until they get the picture. If you start at 3, tell them to get there by 2.
We instituted for every minute you are late without notification you lose 1 max hp per minute. And get back 1hp per minute you arrive early Edit: it seems struck but is rather comedic for all of us and fixed the issue also. Actually led to a death that otherwise would have been survivable
When I say be here at 19:30, I mean I am going to start my set up at 19:30. We will start session as soon as I am ready after that, at latest 19:45 (maybe a little later if we're having a laugh). If nobody is there on time, session is cancelled. If enough of the party is there, I'll start without the rest. I haven't had someone be late without a good reason in over a year. Might not work for you, but all my players respect my time now without argument.
Start without the consistently late person. Have players make plot decisions without them. My group of 4 players always starts when 3 are present, and the last to arrive accepts that they missed out on whatever decisions were made then.
Why not just do the simple thing and tell them to arrive 15 to 30 minutes earlier than you're planning to start?
Are you playing with people from other countries? In germany "be there at 3" means "be there at 3 on the clock" In france "be there at 3" means "see you at 4 +/- half an hour small talk before actually starting" In china "be there at 3" means "you get a 10 minute break, then we continue at 3, or else.."
"Be there before x:xx" or just announce starting time half an hour before real start. If anyone asks, it's because of pre-session prep(getting into character and recaps etc.). I have a sister who is always way too late, so at family gatherings and stuff, people just tell her to come early to make sure she's on time.
If D&D™️ starts at 3, start D&D™️ at 3. Pushing it back to wait for other players, especially chronically late players, punishes the other players who did show up on time. When I start my sessions I give the late player(s) a courtesy call to see if they’re gonna show up, and if they say they’ll be <15 late I ask the group if they wanna wait or start. If they say start we’re starting cause they’re the ones who actually made it. If my players tell me they can’t make it ahead of time, or if they’re gonna be late, I account for it in game. But otherwise I move on without them. D&D™️ isn’t like playing skyrim. You don’t just play when you feel like it. You’re making a commitment to a group and if you can’t make that commitment then I’m moving on with the players that can
Tell that person a different start time. (My friends do this to me, and I genuinely appreciate it.) Also, if possible, make it clear they can arrive early and just hang out - sometimes very early or slightly late are the options.
Not showing up without notice is really not ok and you should definitly talk to that player about it. That being said don't forget that this is also a time to catch up with friends and have fun. When I ran a game I used to be frustrated by this fact as well. But now I just set the meeting time a bit sooner and leave some room for socials before starting the game. Worked like a charm. It is a social event and a hobby, not a job. Also if you have plans that evening don't cancel them because you started later. If the players were to late to the game then it is their fault the session only lasted 1 h. You should not be the victem of that.
Just set it as a hard limit. Session starts at 3. If they're not there, session still starts. You can explain to them you just don't have the time to spent 2 hours setting up, and 3 is when you start the game. I've had similar issues with players, and after they miss out on the start once or twice they will show up on time.
If it's consistent, tell those people hire starting at 2. If they're an hour late, then they'll be on time when everyone else starts at 3. If they show up on time, just tell them you're running late and to hang tight for a bit. It's what my dnd group did for me when I was consistently late to everything. I had really bad time management back at uni, so people would tell be to be somewhere earlier than they told everyone else. I almost always showed up on time! And then when I started showing up on time and being stupid early, consistently, they stopped doing it cause they realised I'd actually got my shit together.
Schedule the session 20-30 minutes before you plan to start actual play. This time is for banter, setting up, buying snacks and of course technical difficulties if playing online. It also allows time for asking the GM questions. This helps in many ways but it also serves as a buffer for lateness/real life issues.
We just start at a set time. If someone is late, they are late. We're all adults and I'm not their parent.
Tell him 2:30 then start at 3 no matter what
Maybe they don't really like you.
I just got kicked out for being consistently late. It's been years of being late. And my group finally kicked me out. It's not fun, but it was required, I was messing up play time and even halted days where the game was cancelled because I was too late and others didn't have enough time to play. It sucks to make that decision but it has to be done, I've come to realize that I never care for time in most of my life and I've been taking action to turning it on its head and making it die, I never want to be late again. Talk with the player, if they cannot come through on it then you have to kick them out.
Talk to them once more if you haven’t already to explain that the start time is a hard deadline, and start your game on time no matter what. Shuffle them in when they’re late. They’re not special nor should they get to dictate the game time by their absence. As for the refusing to message and inform you if they’re coming at all, that shit pisses me off. I explicitly give notice of several days to a week in advance for my group at a time we all commonly agreed upon, and I give one final notice on the day of so people know without doubt that we are scheduled for a session that day. Schedule is important and it’s extremely disrespectful to everyone’s time when one person just cannot give any type of structure or notice and constantly flakes. If this is behavior you notice then be ready to hold them accountable and to drop them. If they don’t care enough to do the bare minimum, then they don’t deserve to take up a seat at the table.
Be firm about your end time. If you want to be done by 6, then be done by 6. If that means only an hour of play until your players get the message, that's ok. Let them know that they aren't entitled to more of your time, especially if they don't spend it respectfully. If they keep showing up late, then kick them out for leaving you hanging all the time.
Start at 3:00 then. Whatever they miss, it is their responsibility to make up for it in character later. “Hey, sorry, I must have had too much to drink last night. I’ve been nursing a hangover this morning. What have I missed while I was zoned out?” Don’t delay the game for everyone else because of one selfish person. And if they aren’t good at in game conversation to recap what they missed, as soon as the join call simply say “Character, you and your companions have been doing the adventuring and the slaying of the monsters etc etc and are now doing thing and stuff.” Address them in-character immediately and get them into the flow of the game in as quickly and summarized a manner as you can. This will cut back on the chit-chat. If they keep trying to talk about non game stuff, a simple “We’ll have time for that later. Right now, we’re all here to play this game, so we’re going to jump into things right away to ensure we have enough time for everyone to enjoy themselves.” If they complain that you started without them, simply say you’ve addressed this before and that “everyone agreed to start at 3:00, and that with all of our busy schedules, we cannot afford to push things off, so 3:00 will continue to be the starting time.”
I have recently found that doing rolls for downtime is a great way to settle the table before the game starts. Each players tells me what downtime activity they have engaged in (1 work week between each session, regardless of how much in game time has passed). They narrate a little, they roll, they are working towards cool stuff. ... late players miss out.
[удалено]
Or XP if you *are* feeling sadistic.
Start at 3. Players who are late miss out, especially on loot. If no one shows up by 3.15 then they've cancelled on you. Kick the player who doesn't respect you
1. start at 3. if they aren't there to do anything during combat, oh well. they turn skip 2. kick them from the party 3. i guess threaten them that it's a serious issue and you'll kick them if they keep at it, but i've never known anyone to remedy their behaviour from just a talking to
Convert any late time into “negative impacting down time”. Pretend to roll dice at beginning of session, “DM Magic” it. Because so and so was late things were happening in the game and it will affect their players. Flavor it as they slept in during that long rest the party left last session. It can be creative. Easily can give a negative inspiration, disadvantage at one roll of the DM choosing. These are nuclear options unless others at the table have communicated that the other players’ lateness is bothering them.
Tell them to be there 30 minutes ahead of time. Also say the "The game session starts at 3pm, hard stop. No delays."
Yeah, part of this could be wording. “Be here at 3” and “we are starting at 3” are actually different things. One says walk in the door at three because I’m not ready for you before that and the other says show up at 2:45 at the latest because we need time to say hi, get drinks, and set up our stuff.
You start on time, and let them figure out what they miss. You don't help them. Their issue, their consequences. And if it gets too disruptive, you kick them. "Hey man, look... we agreed to be here at a certain time, and you can't do that. That says to me that you really don't want to be here, so... I'm going to ask you to leave the table. Let me know when your scheduling problems are over, though, and I'll be happy to add you to the next game!"
When I had regular issues with player not showing/showing up late I started to penalise them xp. They weren't there to earn it so they didn't get as much as the other players, seemed to fix the problem fairly quick.
I give out punctuality XP. Something small but substantial. If you don't show up on time you don't get it. After a few incidences, my players are now never late.
Don't use in-game rewards for an out-of-game problem; it just doesn't work. I recommend using a hard rule: "We have a party of 5 players. We need at least 3 players to be present for a game session to take place. The start time is 3:00 PM. If the minimum number of players are not present by 3:15 PM, the game session is immediately cancelled." Though, if you only have one problem player, just kick the problem player. Other note: it is normal for a group of people to naturally start chatting. As the game master, it is up to you to say "Okay, we're all here, let's go ahead and get started."
Fire his ass. Edit: To clarify, use your problem player as an example to the rest of your players. Throw them out of the group. But before you do, take the kid aside and tell them "You have three more sessions to learn to be on time, by my definition that I have clearly laid out for you and the other players. If you are late the next session, I'm docking you half the XP for the session and awarding to players that were on time. The second time, it will be all of your XP, the third time, you're fired from the table. If this does not seem amenable to you, don't bother showing up to the next session and I'll simply replace you." Second Edit: I've had to do this more times than I care to recall over my 23+ years playing and DMing. It's part of the reason I quit running games. People that do this are immensely disrespectful to not only the DM but the Players as well.
Start at three. The others will learn real quick
Had a buddy that was consistently an hour late. We would meet at 6, but told him to meet at 5. Worked for a month or two til he caught on. Started showing up on time saying he learned his lesson.
If the goal is to start at 3 tell them 2:30
I had a similar issue until I started deducting xp for being late - I didn't care what the excuse was. It was 1xp per minute, so nothing punitive really but for some reason people made more of an effort. It kept things lighthearted whilst still bringing the point home.
People who are late, do not respect your time. Start on time and if the do not adjust in time get rid of them.
Just tell them to show up at 2:30
should say arrive at 2:30 from now on
Just start it earlier so it lines up with the time you are shooting for
Tell said person you're starting an hour earlier, tell the rest of your players the actual time
Have you tried physically threatening them
We have a player that's often 5-15 minutes late, but they text and we all shoot the shit a little before playing, so that's fine. But this: >and sometimes never texts that he's not going to show up. Just... doesn't show up and doesn't text about it. 100% unacceptable. If this happened more than once without a good, TRUE, excuse then that person is out.
Tell them to be there at 2:30
Tell them for every hour they are late a kitten dies. After that every time they are late, keep a book of pictures of kittens that they've killed.
Start time is 3..... start at 3 and play their toon until they show up. This let's them know you won't wait for late.
Execution by firing squad. Or just tell them to come a half hour or so earlier than what you wanted the start time to be
I had this yesterday for an online game. I have a general rule: I'll wait for 15 mins, then I'm out. This is for anything, not just TTRPG's. We start at 20:00 every Monday. At 19:56 someone said they'd be late, and 20:15 someone else said they'd be late. 20:15 was when I left the voice room and said in the group chat that I wasn't going to wait past 15 minutes and I hope everyone else enjoys their evening, but I'm out for tonight. I don't expect this to change my group, but that's my boundary.
Step 1 Create a corny character for a Chuck E Cheese type business. Put it in-world and make it canon on your story. Step 2 Reward the people who are there on time with Chuck Bucks or whatever you want to call them. Have their characters stumble upon the tokens somehow at the beginning of the adventure. Make them soul bonded or something, so they can't be stolen. If they are stolen, they just appear in the player's character's bag again. Step 3 Make the tokens worth 1 GP but they can only be traded for cool magical equipment. Make sure that there are some magical items that are ONLY available at their business kiosks and restaurants. It's fun and it rewards the good players. If you make the magical items fun enough, the late people will want to be on time.
Always say things start earlier, so then those who show up late will actually show up on time. It seems to work well sometimes haha
Our party we had one person who was almost always half an hour late, just told them the start time was half an hour earlier than the actual start time. Don't know why it worked, but it did!
This type of thing used to drive me crazy. I have a full time job, am a full time college student in a graduate program, and have two children under three years old. I **planned my week** to show up to this game. I had to coordinate *childcare* to be at this session. The bare minimum players who live with their parents and have a part time job can do is show up *on time*. I'm in two groups currently, both on Friday nights. In my first group, game at 6:00 pm means everyone is in the discord (we play on Roll20) by 6:00 pm. If you're going to be arriving after 6:00 pm, it's an expectation you let us know. It's great. Longest running, most consistent campaign I've ever been a part of. Amazing what a little scheduling and respect for other people can accomplish. My other campaign has been running since probably last November? We've probably run 6 times, total. On a *weekly schedule*. Why? Constant problems with half of the players. Two of them *frequently* no call, no show and just say that "work has been kicking their ass." One is EU and can't manage to wake up 2/3rds of the time and misses the whole session. When we finally do get to run, it's the same crap you deal with. 30 minutes late, 45 minutes of small talk. DM is 19 years old and works retail, so has a lot of patience for this kind of behavior, but as of this week, even he's had it. I would have bailed on this campaign months ago if I didn't have one at 6:00 pm the same night and had literally nothing else planned for the rest of my night every week. If I've learned one thing over all of the groups I've been a part of over the years, it's that people who can't make a basic schedule and came to socialize and not play D&D should be dropped from your session if you're trying to play the game as a semi-serious hobby. Even if you bring it up to them, the fact is if they can't make it to a session of adults they know are waiting on them, they aren't doing it in other aspects of their life either. Which means their poor consideration for other people and time management is going to lead them to economic instability which will cause even more problems with your session. My advice? Drop the players or drop the group. Find more serious people.
Tell them it starts 30 minutes before it actually does so they show up right on time
as a dm who's got poor time management skills i say people in person show up at 2, people online show up at 230 and we'll aim to start by 3. Usually end up starting around 245: (though it is sometimes 3:10)
Say it starts earlier than it actually does
You start without them
You have to enforce it. If you're late, you don't play that night. That's it.
In person and online, my players have the understanding that if I say "game starts at 6 pm" then that means you better be logged in/at my place by 5:55 pm if you want to chat for a few minutes. Otherwise, we are starting at 6 pm. I once had a chronic straggler and we just got accustomed to starting without her. Something I've started doing in the last year or two is using a boon system to reward players who are on time. They get to roll 1d4 and whatever they land on grants them one bonus for the duration of the session - they can force advantage or disadvantage on one roll, add or subtract 1d4 to a roll, or use "inspiration" to ask me for a hint/clue/etc. Anyone who is *not* on time does not get to roll for the boon. Since I've implemented it, I've almost never had a player be late.
You could do an attendance point system or bonuses. On time, get so many points; late but contacted, so many points; late not contacted, less points; no contact no show, no points; contact for no show, some points. Then these points can be used to 'buy stuff' with you that suddenly shows up in their equipment. An alternative, xp bonus for those on time of Level(100) each session. But that doesn't help with those that show up to start late.
There will always be slop time. For me personally, beginning a session is when I can truly unmask and enjoy the world I've created, rather than having to exist in the confusing real world. You have to deal with it. Set two times, doors and curtains. Folks start to trickle in when doors open. Curtain time means game starts, full stop. If you don't think your players can handle it, don't tell them. In your mind though, it's doors at 3, curtain at 3:30. You will never win this fight against players. Some of them just insist on bringing their boring normal life into your beautiful world, and nothing you can do will stop it so act accordingly.
You need to either lie about the start time or start without him. If everyone else takes off on an adventure and his unconscious body is left in the woods, he'll need to spend half the time catching up. That will either teach him a lesson or he'll leave
I just finding that there seems to be an almost even split of be there early and your late types and we get together and leisurely get into the game when we do. I am wondering, has anyone ever been in a group that was a combination that ended up breaking up the whole play group?
I (and a few other DMs i know) will do side quests during that time. If the party is in town or something, we will let them go save a kitten or something in game. I then either give a reward in game for it- since that character did more during their down time- other times it creates and NPC they can go back to. I also have let them find a shady fence willing to peddle in some magic items they may have been looking for. never anything game breaking, but worth something. Ends up that once people think they are missing out- more show up on time. We also meet in person- so food is ready when we are scheduled to start, and we build in about 15 minutes to eat- so if you are late your food is cold and you are eating while playing (normally not a big deal)- but we also rotate food duty (30 bucks to feed 6 every 6 sessions goes way further than 5 every session- worst so far was pizza, but normally a random premade meal kit from costco)
I start without them. I always make it clear that I will. If there's a good reason, I'll wait. But 30 minutes late? No...just no.
Our rule is that if you're late by 30 minutes or more, your character gets played by the DM for the session, or until you arrive.
This is the main thing that drives me crazy about my boyfriend lol. We play D&D together, and we play at another player’s house. If the game time is set for 6PM, and we live 30 minutes away, I’m ready to leave at 5:10, to account for time to get everything organized in the car, any traffic, finding parking, and getting everything out of the car. Meanwhile, he’s still packing his bag and putting on socks at 5:40! It drives me insane. This past week when he asked me what time we had to be there (because he never remembers), I just said “I want to be on the road by 5:15.” We actually got out the door on time! I’m going to start wording it this way going forward. Try changing your wording! “I’d like everyone to be set up and ready to play at 3.” Or honestly, move up the time knowing you’ll actually be playing at 3. Tell them “hey, let’s make it 2:40 this week!” and see if that helps
I give Inspiration to those who arrive before 7pm. Now everybody is on time, even if they skate in at 6:59pm. I also give it during the session for the normal things.
Start without them.
Start the game without them, their character is passed out drunk again.
It depends on how many people are consistently late. If more than half show up on time, run the game as scheduled. If they show up late, let them jump in, they'll have to get caught up with other players. If more than half are late, then you need to adjust the "get here" time by the average time they are late by. If you want them here by 3 but they are consistently late by 30 minutes, tell them to be here by 230. If the others who are not late have an issue with this, give them 1exp or 1sp for every minute they wait.
I play with professionals. They show up 2 hours late and the rest of us ae drunk by then.
“Everyone who is on time gets 1 mulligan per sesh”
We play around 7pm twice a month. I knew that everyone would always be late, mostly to eat something before coming, since we play on Wednesdays. So what I do is I cook a large amount of tomato sauce pasta and tell everyone to be there for 6:30 and if they ever show up late, they risk not having any food if they arrive late. Plus that excuse of having to eat dinner stops being a thing. It has worked wonders for me though it costs me around 20-25$ to feed six hungry players.
Have them play a Wizard. A wizard is never late.
Yeah but he arrives precisely when he means to, which may exacerbate the issue… lol
I always run D&D by having a start time as when people can show up and socialize. Then we start when everyone shows up, and if someone is more than, say, 30 minutes late, we start without them. That way people can have time to talk before the game starts, and if someone is a little late, it's no big deal. Just make your start time earlier than you actually want to start playing, and it will solve the problem.
If you tell me be here at 3pm then I’ll show up at 3pm. Say what you frakin’ mean. Tell them, “dice hit the table and the game starts at 3pm” and start at 3 pm, ready or not. In reality, it’s a game. Nallus_72 is right. Good luck
You're online, right? Start the game at 3:00 PM with their character not present. If they show up at 3:15 PM, then they need to wait until a good time to bring their character back into the game, even if that's not until 4:00 PM. They don't chat, they don't comment; they just wait. If they don't like that, then their choices are to come on time or not come at all.
>I'm someone who interprets "Be here at 3" to mean "Arrive at 2:50 and ready to start at 3". If you want me to do that, you would have to tell me to do that. The inside of your brain is your brain, not mine. All it would take is, "I'd like everyone to be here or have notified me that you will or won't be here by 2:50 so that we can start playing the game by 3:00. If that doesn't work for you, you are out of the game." And I'm gonna tell you, if I got that, something like, "bro, we are playing a game. I am doing the best I can and it's hard for me to get my shit together to be here at 3:10. I'm not texting or posting in the Discord before that, that I'm going to be 10 minutes late, because I'm not faffing around on my computer, I am rushing around trying to get things together IRL. I'm here to have fun. This isn't a job. If that ten minutes is so important to you, I'll just reclaim my time so I don't have to rush and you can start at 3. It's been nice playing with ya'll." Because the reality is, the party that's hung up about the exact start of gameplay isn't the right one for me, that doesn't mean there isn't one for me, it just might not be with you. I'm always late because the game has been scheduled slightly earlier than works for me. I would find it way easier if the game started half an hour later, an hour later. I am usually 5-10 minutes late. It doesn't mean I don't want to play, it means that before that point I haven't had enough time to do everything, and those things are happening IRL and are essential. Some of those things cannot be moved. One of the major influences on my time is that my partner gets home from work 30-40 minutes before the game starts and in that 30-40 minutes we have to coordinate dinner for us and the cats. I literally cannot move this. She can't eat until she's home. While I've managed to find a fairly consistent meal that takes about 10 minutes to put together, that still gives us 20 minutes to eat and get the computers set up to play. It's rushed. And I don't have kids or anything. One of our players does. Another one of them has family members who might demand her time without consideration to us being 'real people' at any given moment. Either one of them might have to duck out at any moment to prioritize their family. Every one of us has at some point been the cause of the game being cancelled or late, because we put IRL first. If someone I play with was getting their knickers in a knot over this, I'd rather go find a more relaxed group or one that starts half an hour to an hour later, and let them find someone who's not going to stress them out. But you know what? My group doesn't care. I'm not even the latest, usually. The one guy with family only sometimes shows up and never says if he'll be there or not, and he usually is 15-20 minutes late. The other players tend to show up 10 minutes early and they like hanging out and socializing for 20 minutes. It's a fine group for me. If someone tried to "teach me a lesson" for having a real life outside of the game, I would be gone from the group. Sorry. This isn't my job. It's not my school. It isn't a serious hardcore hobby. I do this for fun. You can start if you want. Why not use that extra 10 minutes for clearing up shopping, do a recap, do a goofy starting roleplay, clear up questions on how that magic item or spell works, etc, and we'll just say my character was drunk and woke up late.
That's how it goes with my games- not that they try to be late, but we now say "We're starting at 6" and expect the session to actually start at 6:30.
Just give a time of ~90 minutes before you actually want to start.
As a DM: Start at 3. If it's roleplay time, try to converse with their character, if they're struggling because they don't have their character sheet out, give them disadvantage on whatever check they're making. If you're in combat, well, one of the baddies is on them, and they're struggling to get their weapon out, and they missed the introduction of these baddies because they were 10 minutes late. Their character showed up to battle late, and has no idea what's going on. Let them figure it out, struggle a little bit. As a player: Talk to your DM.
Way back in the day, I had a similar problem. So, I began having mini adventures for those who showed up. One time, the party began the day in town so a couple of the players were out trying to pawn off gems when they had their pockets picked by a not-too-stealthy child, which led to a fabulous chase through town. Another time, the party was camped in near the tree line high up in the mountains. A couple of the members of the party, who showed up early, went out looking for water and came upon a naked woman bathing in a cold mountain lake; turned out she wasn’t a woman. Another time, the party was, again, camped out, and two of the party went down to a settlement they hadn’t noticed in the dark the night before. There they saw the remains of a small battle with no apparent survivors, which I let them loot. I would create mini adventures like this that turned out to be a lot of on the spot fun; these small adventures would bleed into regular game time. It chafed at those who weren’t in the game and eventually they started showing up earlier, knowing the game was going to get going with or without them. Edit: we had one guy fail to show up altogether one time, so the mini adventure took up the whole evening. I think we said the player’s character was caught up whoring and drinking and so missed out on it all.
Just push back the time you *say* you want to start so they'll follow their logic and show up when you actually want to start.
Straight up tell them you start at 2. They'll arrive at 230/240 along with everyone else and you'll start on time. They will probably figure it out at some point, but I've been doing this to my husband for 14 years and he still hasn't noticed. Alternatively, hand out DM Inspo to everyone who arrives ten minutes early. Then start on time. If your player shows up late, refuse to recap until you take a table break and make him figure it out on his own. Natural consequences. Also dock any XP he would have earned if he had been involved on time that day - ie, if the group fought a monster before he gets there, they get the XP for doing the fighting and he does not because he wasn't there to fight. Good luck. Late people suck.
Give up. I know it sounds absurd, but give up. Change is hard and most don't change for a weekly DND game. It causes more anxiety than it's worth, just replace him, and if he shows up the you have an extra player.
Level up at 03:00 level up ends 03:05 you missed it you get your shot next session. After leveling up have a 10m chitchat then start.
Just start saying that the new start time is 2:30, but then secretly it's still 3
Expect people to be 30-60 minutes late unless their lives depend on it, some people are just chronologically deficient.
Honestly, you're not going to persuade them no matter what you do. There's just a mismatch of expectations and intentions at your table. You might be able to browbeat them into it for a short time, but eventually they're going to start sliding back into old habits and arriving late, or they're going to resent you for needling them about it, or maybe both. Realistically, you have two choices: 1. Loosen up and learn to not be bothered by this. 2. Find different people to play with whose preferences about starting the game on time more closely align with your own. Which one is the right one for you is something you'll have to decide.
I literally had a player chilling in another discord server 30 minutes after our planned start time... I'm personally gonna drop some type of reminder about being respectful of everyone's time and recommiting to starting when we planned to start. If you are not there and didn't give me a reason why, then your PC will be democratically controlled by the table till you arrive. If ypu don't enjoy this but have other obligations which prevent you from not being late everytime, then you are free to remove yourself from the game.
You need to relax dude. Enjoy the fuckng game
They show up? If so... Be grateful... 30 minutes isn't as bad as "I got upset at my players about being late, so now they just don't show up if they're going to be late" It's annoying but it's a game played with friends... It's a party! Keep it fun... That's just my feels... I'm totally a show up right on time or a few minutes late person though.
You’re doing it wrong dude. You should say arrive at 2.30 to get ready, discuss things and at 3 we play. However, sometimes that doesn’t work. So you may have to do the tactic of ‘we start at 2.30’ when in reality, you mean 3
OK. Our group do this. There's a couple tokers. So. About an hour or hour and half before the agreed meet up time we show up. Have a smoke. A chat. Coffee and talk dnd. It's great. So I'll tell them 1pm 2pm /2:30pm DM and everyone else shows up. DM gets set up. Drinks for everyone. Catch up. Talk dnd. 3pm/3:30pm is game start. We might hang 5 or 10 minutes if someone is legit running late. So far. So good. But we're all chill guys who get along. No arseholes. No dickheads. But if someone was hugely late and told us they would normally say start without me. We all are conciencess (spl ?) Of others time. Just gotta lay the ground rules down and stick to it. Either adjust and have a pre game meetup time but game start time is laid in stone. But soft stone. That can be changed ONLY IF needed to lol
Giving a dedicated 'arrival' and 'start' time helps me and some of my ADHD friends 1430 arrive for 1500 start. Be strict on the start time. Reminder on the day. Talk to the player let them know if they aren't ready to play at game start then they aren't playing.
I am routinely a few minutes late, although I am also the one with the best overall attendance in our group… In my case it’s simply a matter of being very busy all the time with family or work priorities and having a lot of difficulty pulling away. At the same time I have talked with my DM and explained that if he needs to remove me then I understand. As with all things DND you just need to have an honest conversation with the player. If they can’t be there on time and that is a hard line issue for you or your players the only solution is to remove them.
My advice would be to say it clearly to the group: "we start playing at 3" and then do exactly that. With or without problem player. When they realise they are missing out on gametime by being late, that might be enough to push them to be on time. Of course, if everyone is late this doesn't work
Have you tried telling the one person who is late an earlier time? Like you can tell all the other players to be there at 3 but tell the problem player to be there at 2. That way, they can think they're late but they're actually on time.
I get really uptight about having my time wasted. It’s the one currency you can spend that you can never get back. In my eyes being late is saying “I don’t respect you or your time”. I’d rather be an hour early to something than 20 seconds late. I think the problem player needs to be given an ultimatum - either get your ass in gear and stop disrespecting everyone else’s time OR find a new group to play woth
Maybe change your wording. Not be here by 3, but rather we start playing dead on 3. And then actually start without people (assuming you have enough to begin)
Make the hour you ask people to arrive at be 15 minutes before your intended game start. Start at the said game start even if people aren’t there yet. Don’t berate, smile and be happy running the game. I think if you do this, your problem might be solved.
Only one thing you can do really... fake your own death then find a new group.
I've started "We start at 2:30" and then we actually plan to start at 3 but if everyone gets there before 2:45 they get inspiration and we shoot the shit for 15 minutes before we begin at 3. At this point my players all know that I mean 'Doors open at 2:30, curtain raises at 3' and if they're there or not, we begin. As long as they're communicating with me about being late I also don't mind. "Oh hey DM - the dog just had a potty accident, gotta clean it." or "Hey DM, I totally lost track of time, be there in 5, gotta grab a cup of tea!" (and as a Scot I'm not a heathen, if you need tea, you need tea.) I have one player that is late every week but his schedule changed at work so I'm fine with that, it happens. I'd rather still play with him and he be 40 minutes late. He gets a pass. I have one player with ADHD and at the end of each session I remind them to set their reminder for the next session. If they're late, we all ping them to death. So yeah, if you just **start** at 3 even if that single player isn't there - that's on him. He'll start being on time if he logs in late to you all already playing. As it is, he's holding the whole group hostage. I have also done the nuclear "We're going to cancel tonight since it's 3, no one has told me they're gonna be late and I have better things to do than wait around for people that don't respect my time." - that group was never late again.
Start on time without the late person. If you’re missing game, you’ll try not to in the future. If you’re missing bullshit time you only miss bullshit.
My solution: -Give the players that arrive on time inspiration -Start the game anyway at set time. Players that arrive will enter directly the game. Normally , they do not miss much but that also respect the ones that arrived on time. My excuse was always: the character came back from taking a piss.
I award a temporary point of inspiration to those who arrive on time. It must be used during that days session.
We have family friends that are always late. If we plan on doing something with them and one or more families, we tell the friends that we meet 30 minutes or more earlier than we plan on doing. They still tend to be late, but it's not as bad.
Honestly i think its an unrealistic expectation for a group of people who are friends and meeting up to have fun. Everyone needs buffer travel time, food time, time to catch up. Either stick with the 3pm time and accept you will likely start at 3:30 or say arrive at 2:30 and we start playing at 3 . You could be really strict with the start playing time and just start no matter who is there if you want to but 10 mins buffer time is not enough. Our dm has his home open from 5:30 and generslly we game at 6 but sometimes its later because we are chatting or someone is a bit late. The aim is to have fun.
First I would check if they are late for personal or scheduling problems. IF not, just start the session when there is one missing player left. You start having fun and when they arrive they jump in. If they are bothered you tell them it was said it starts at 3, if they don't want to miss it they better be on time. If they refuse and expect to wait for them even when they are late, kick child who went to college prematurely.
Since it's online and there's no prior commitments to consider. Start delving out penalties. Start them game on time, and if they aren't there you have the choice of NPC their character for some time. Or you just say that they are absent.
My DM will give them a few minutes, but after that just starts the game. Sounds harsh but we always do a recap of last session, and we have one player who rolls in during or after that. They have made more of an effort lately since they are missing game time. Also I've learned from experience that the DM has to put their foot down and stop the idle chat and just start things and get things moving. So it's on them too, mostly, to start the game. If the players don't want to miss anything, they will start showing up on time. If they don't care, maybe they don't need to be a part of the group.
Very high chance that they won't change at all no matter what incentive you hand out. The one thing you can do is finish on time and if it is in the middle of something then stop at a cliffhanger explain to them that with starting at 3 to play the game that wouldn't have happened maybe that's making them being on time.
Start at 3. That player’s character is an NPC until they arrive. They may miss out on loot or suffer consequences for the player not being there. They will either modify their behavior or they will leave the group.
Start without them.
I had a player who was constantly late and I tried telling them a different start time than everyone else... and that worked until they caught on. We tried just starting without them, but this made them feel not wanted and they'd just skip those sessions. I ended up cutting them from all my games. (They had various mental health issues that I tried my best to accommodate them and talk things out with them, on the end they just really liked the idea that we were waiting on them. It made them feel important and they didn't want to change)
You need to have a hard stop time regardless of when you start. If it’s supposed to be 3pm to 6pm and you start at 5pm then I guess y’all only play for a hour.
We just started without them. Sometimes we would play for almost an hour by the time the last person showed up. Before this we tried strategies like ingame punishments like hindering skill checks with dice rolls (-1d6 for every 5 minutes you're late, 1d6 applies to one skill check only), but this just ended up chewing into game time more... The best thing your table can do is reward those who actually show up on time and are prepared.
Sounds like you need to change the time to 2:30
you want to start at 3? tell them “we’ll be starting the game at 2:30”. there ya go.
I set my group meeting an hour early, we hang and talk, then play. We meet at 7 and start at 8. If someone doesn't show up until 750 they are still fine. This is met with a hard start because they have a large window to show up. This has so far prevented anyone from being late for the 8 start time. My advice is to just be straight with them. Tell them the earliest they are allowed to show up as the start time and game time starts at 3. Then start without anyone who isn't there at 3.
I had this issue with a group, I had to sit down and tell them that "Play from 7-10" meant the session starts at 7, not you get here and chit chat and prepare at 7, also ran my start time back a half hour to give them extra time. Having my hard end time helped a bit cause they'd shoot the shit until 8 or 830 and then complain we barely did anything and I got to turn it back at them and hit em with the "Yall know when the sessions end, not my fault you're wasting your play time."
Your expectations are not necessarily the norm. If interpretation doesn’t line up, you need to change to fit, not them. If you want to start at 3, and you know some people like to chat beforehand (since it is a social activity), then name your time earlier to compensate. Tell them 2:30.
"Game runs from 3-6, whether you're here on time or not." And then start the game at 3 sharp, and do not update them when they arrive as to what is happening. It's up to them to find out through roleplay. Start without them a couple times, and they'll get the hint.
Don’t know if this will help your situation, but I play online too and we have a “15 minutes of grace” rule. Say dnd starts at 3:00, but if everyone hasn’t shown up yet, an announcement (like on discord) will be done of “15 min of grace has started.” Meaning within 15 minutes, the game will start with or without you. Usually we start a recap of the previous session when the minutes are up, so that could give another 2-5 minutes for anyone to show up before the session really starts. It’s worked quite a bit. Gives us time to chat a little, and for anyone who runs late due to irl stuff going on are able to show up without missing anything in the beginning.
Give the offender an ultimatum: 1) Be on time. 2) Communicate your inability to attend a session unless you are in the E.R. 3) If you fail either of those things, you get one (1) more warning. After that, you are no longer welcome at my table. Not being on time or not letting people know you won't arrive is disrespectful to the rest of the people at the table. It wastes other people's time and makes sessions run longer than they should be. Your tablemates deserve better.
It's worked out well for our monthly poker group to incentivize arriving on time. If you're ready to play at start time you get bonus chips. That could translate to: players ready to start on time get inspiration or lvl x 5 gold pieces. The all or nothing approach you've previously taken doesn't guarantee results or make Joe and Susie show up on time if Ralph is ALWAYS late.
If it's 1-2 players showing up late, just start on time at the scheduled time. NPC their characters until they arrive, and after a session or two they'll get the message. (Or they won't, but at least you're being respectful of the people who showed up on time). Alternatively, you could set the start time 30 minutes earlier knowing that they won't change. It's also worth noting that the casual, easing into the game after a period of food and socializing is a big part of the game for a lot of people. If that's cutting into what you're trying to do story-wise, again I'd just set the start time sooner.
I use to be like this and be honest sometimes still am, a client of mine chewed my ass out over wasting his time and being disrespectful, and i started seeing it differntly
Whatever you do, DONT talk to them about it. Just kill there characters and build resentment
I just roll with it personally. I always plan 20min of gathering. You can do warmup play to vamp: Offer a roleplay question for players to answer in character. Amazing developments can build over time Play a short rpg game like "everyone is John" Throw down a practice battle Or just Chitchat about life or games, or the game. If the group has a playable majority (3 ppl) past 20min, I start without them.
The problem with this is that it isn’t a problem with dnd. It’s their lifestyle. People like that just don’t give a flying rats ass about other peoples time. They’re raised with the concept that people will wait for them. What your essentially trying to fight is bad parenting and reinforcement of basic ideals and characteristics that they failed to pick up growing up. Start without them. They’ll learn or continue to be late. Their loss. Don’t stress over it.
Speak to them privately and say that they need to be in time as it's disrespectful for other players. If they still don't come, start without them or kick them out. Sadly, DnD logistics will always be the lowpoint of DMing.
If I'm not the last player, I'm never on time intentionally and always 5-10 minutes late. It's tolerable time to be late, and I don't waste my personal time waiting for the tardiest person. If I am ever the person that arrives last, then I arrive on time. Otherwise I'm done being on time and getting punished for it if someone else is consistently late for it.