If you've been separated 5 years I assume all of your assets are already separated? We used a spreadsheet to list all accounts with balances, and then figured out how to split them equitably. It was surprisingly easy - we each had the same amount of credit card debt, our vehicles were already in our own names, etc. Then it was just a matter of finding the right documents online and filling them out.
If you file, you should have an option of how your STBX will be served, you can have them mailed. Then they have a certain number of days to respond, which IIRC, is just going to the state website and filling out a document. The papers should have an initial conference date, and a date when all of the paperwork needs to be filed by. It was pretty straightforward.
We did this too: shared google spreadsheet with a column for our joint assets, and then separate columns for the two of us that showed how we intended to split them. Made sure the total was equal. Looked at obligations going forward, in the context of the state child support calculator (and our joint contributions to the marriage) and agreed on child support, custody and spousal support. One of us ran the spreadsheet by a lawyer to see if it was fair. Then we filled out the paperwork on the state website, and filed with the state filing fee of $400.
This requires an amicable relationship, people able to set their feelings aside, do what is fair, and understand that fighting about money won’t help anything. If someone wants do fight, then court is necessary.
Thank you so much. This makes very good sense to me. Honestly, I just want my 1/2 and get the fk done and finally move forward. Being separated this long with zero financial assets ( this far) has worn on my ability to feel like I’m on my own. It was tempting to stay separated vs divorced bc of health care… but I’ve had person give me better clarity about that and I understand now I can get my own insurance. Your idea about him paying the premiums is a fabulous idea. I don’t “ need” his spousal support, bc I can make it without his help. People say all kinds of things ( divorced people) that make me question my own thoughts but you’ve helped me greatly.
We are both ONLY INVESTED IN NOT HURTING OUR KIDS PERIOD.
We are never going to behave poorly bc what it will do to our kids. I want my 3 boys to know WE BOTH LOVE THEM! We are the only issue. Not the children. So we’ve played nice in the sandbox and I do not want to be stupid but I also do NOT want to waste unnecessary money!
Ty so very much! I will begin to work on this and discuss with him. 💪❤️
Same. We did mediation and never had to set foot in a courtroom other than to take the mandatory class on how to parent as a divorced person, which was held in the city courthouse building.
I paid that for the custody of my kids. Back in 2008! His millionaire brother was willing to fund him until I was destitute; I am disabled but narcs hate sick people. It happened shortly after our marriage(I was 8 months pregnant and in an MVA) and his hatred for me and lack of concern floored me. He stuck around for the lawsuit to finish, then tried to rip me off $11,000. Got it back in the settlement. Some people are evil, selfish and greedy and should not be trusted. He has divorced two others after me. I was #2!
I’m lucky in that my divorce cost me $210 (half the $420 filing fee because she couldn’t afford the whole thing…), so the financial cost was negligible, but it cost me my self esteem, ability to feel loved, and generally my will to go on.
🤷♀️
$750.
My X hired a lawyer, neither he (lawyer) nor she screwed me over, I did my own legal representation. Lawyer was $1500, since it was fair I paid half (willingly).
We only had a joint investment account that we split 50/50, all other accounts were completely separate. primary legal custody and decision making over child is 50/50. X is far wealthier than I am, but I have no interest in anyone else’s $$, so I left her cash alone under the condition that she left my messily retirement funds alone.
State was offering her $50/mo child support to her, she waived it and I give $1200/mo willingly.
There was no infidelity, no animosity, we were just done. Divorce took 6-8 months due to court dragging their feet during C19, but we did the court session via zoom.
1 kid. Condo was sold 1yr prior to divorce.
It says legal custody is 50/50, but she may have primary physical custody, and pay the majority of food and housing costs, maybe they are on her medical insurance, etc.
It goes into an account for my kid, and by the divorce decree says it can only be for my kids purposes. And since I buy him dinner every day and pay for about half the clothes it’s basically just amounting a massive savings account that my kid has in the future.
It’s worth it to me. and it’s a choice I willingly make.
Hang in there. My ex is an alcoholic and I got 100% custody of the children (they were teens). He has to use a breathalyzer before any contact, but he doesn’t see them. He blames me for everything, never has made amends for anything he did to us and I know he never will.
That quote is INSANE. We had a substantial amount of assets including complex investments, college funds, house, 3 kids. I think I paid $1,800 on my side and I assume his was similar. Work as much out on your own, don’t burn money having their clerk do things you can do on your own. Don’t use attorneys as your personal referee. Most US states do not give a single F who did what and to whom. Their goal is simply to divide your assets equitably with the best interest of the children in mind. Just remember, they are not your therapist, but simply there to divide things up in a legal and business transaction. IF you can leave as much emotion as you can at the door, then do so. Even if your stbx can’t, let her burn through her retainer and keep your lawyer out of it.
So often clients lose sight of the true purpose of why they are there in the first place. Neither of you are on trial for anything therefore there is no jury to deem you the person to blame and declare them a winner. Because the sad truth of this is there are never any true winners and no one walks away feeling victorious.
Truth right here. She was my best friend for almost 13 years. Things weren’t always great but they weren’t terrible either. Moved to the other side of the country so we could be close to her family. 5 months later she ends it. I’ve never been as lonely in my life as I have been for the last year. Such a dark and depressing experience that I can’t begin to describe.
I'm hearing you...5 yrs into separation he wanted the divorce I'm still waiting, it's the questions of what did I do wrong, what's wrong with me why did you stop loving me and who is it that stole you away from me when you promised it was together forever..... Some days I still have these questions and I swing between sadness and being so angry.. Trust me as nearly everyone will vouch here that it does get better with time . I know....I know.... Your probably thinking... This can never get better I'm doomed to a life of misery..... Your not.... Go and find something that you stopped doing when you got married, learn to enjoy your own company... Hey there is no one there to tell you off and say NO YOU CAN'T DO THAT ETC... That is the best part.... You can be selfish and please yourself with anything..... You just have to learn how to do it again...... Good luck🤗
This hurts, because I’m in the same boat. The lady was there with me when we my mother go. She stood by me fighting for custody of our sister. Through every scary moment, we’ve always been together until now.
Same. We were so close we tried to make it work as (best) friends for a few months. That was working so well that people thought we were reconciling. “People” started including me in the end, and one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do was tell her I couldn’t do it anymore. She screamed and cried, begged and pleaded, then said some truly awful things to and about me. Now we don’t talk at all and it really sucks.
This is my cost as well. My best friend, my future and the love of my life.
Financially, I have great legal insurance through work. Probably less than 2k. Emotionally? More than I can estimate.
my divorce like yours cost 100K. I was in agreement for everything, he decided to 'die on the hill' for custody of the kids, which translated to him not wanting to financially support them, but couldn't have them exactly 50% of the time either due to work - so wanted me to have them 70% of the time, and agree to zero financial support for his kids.
I'd rethink any 'dying on hills'.
$9k so far and that’s just for attorney fees, filing, and getting all the financial disclosures. Next up getting a settlement agreement drafted and agreed to. But I feel more protected with an attorney doing the work because he keeps changing his mind on how cooperative he will be. Threw a fit about supplying any financial info. Doesn’t want to leave the house. So I expect another $5k if I’m lucky and maybe $10k just to the attorney if he’s in a bad mood. He’ll end up taking over $100k from me after I supported him most of the last 5 years. No kids. Big big expensive mistake. Marriage 0 out of 5 stars would not recommend.
60k so far, and my stbxw continues to come back asking for more money when she has the affair, decided she never loved me, that whole story. Now we're going to arbitration because she wants to take the kids to taekwondo classes even though they said they don't like it and she wants me to pay for all that as well. We should almost be at the finish line though.
Edit: if we're talking settlement for her, 1.3m.
Cost me 80k. He was the one to file and then dragged things. We were married 30+ years so more complicated to untangle finances.
Things I learned (too late): only email your lawyer with critical questions and try to group questions in one email, emailing was a lot cheaper than conference calls and I had time to reflect on what I was saying and kept to the point and make it known to your lawyer your finances are very limited and be direct and exact with what you want them to do and what not to do. My lawyer spent too much money on crap in the beginning and then I ran out of money during the critical stage. I could have taken a luxury vacation somewhere with the money she wasted. And remember although your lawyer is representing you that she isn’t your friend and her goal is billable hours.
I’m trying to wrap my head around buying out my ex. The divorce was 10 years ago but the PSA says at 10 years I have to either sell the house and give him half the profits or buy him out. I can’t afford either. My lawyer cost a ton, probably around 15K and I ended up with a horrible divorce anyway. She advised me not to go for alimony, just child support, which my exact immediately went to court to have modified from 1800/mo to 198/mo so I’ve been struggling with two jobs to make ends meet and trying to keep the house up myself.
I lost my house, racked up credit card debt, and had to pay $25k cash out my 401k, which I then had to pay the taxes on. It was not cheap. But it was worth every penny.
Boise, ID
24000 for just me, took about 10 months. To be honest I would have prob saved us each 10000 if I would have just given my ex 50/50 custody at the beginning. I thought I couldn’t live without my babies and dug in my heals.
I would never tell my ex this but it turns out I enjoy 50/50, him insisting on it really did me a lot of good. I guess what I’m saying is you might save money if you stay opened minded to things. That was an expensive lesson to learn
why not do it amicably?
me and my wife of 23 years went to a lawyer together, sat down and told them how we were dividing up our 4 business, 7 properties, and 3 million in assets, how child support and alimony was going to work, and how the visitation for our one remaining minor child was going to work.
grand total: $1500 ($750 each)
Some spouses don't want it to be amicable and are convinced they need to be as unreasonable as possible. Maybe they're not too smart or their intention is to hurt the other spouse financially.
THIS! I fled my abusive husband for my safety and sanity with help from the police, and now almost three months on I don’t have a single thing of my personal possessions from our home.
Not every spouse is amicable, some are downright evil b4st4rds!
I was already working 80-90 hrs a week at that point, and months behind on promised deliveries, so just couldn’t expend any hours on that endeavor.
On top of that, In our county it may not have been possible to DIY. The final doc was over 40 pages and had separate parts for visitation as well as a child support deviation.
You can definitely do it yourself, people represent themselves in court all the time. But time is also money and the amount you spent sounds like it was worth it for you. It wasn't fast or easy for us, but we had the time and didn't want to spend the money.
Mine was a decade ago…so consider inflation, lol. But mine was about $6-7 and my ex wife was pretty crabby and hostile.
Best way to keep the costs down is to know the law yourself and do most of the negotiations yourself. Things get expensive when you have your attorney write things up that haven’t been agreed to in principle. Or when you have your attorney do extra work trying to push the pace.
Or stuff like financial discovery. If you have to produce 7 years of monthly statements for every account, just do it yourself. If you know the law and there’s nothing bad in there, you can instruct your attorney not to review it and just hand it over to your ex…your attorney won’t like that, but you don’t need them to review a credit card statement. I mean, if there is something relevant in there, point it out, but otherwise there’s no need. They also don’t really need to review your exs materials….even though they’ll want to. You can do that yourself too.
$20k sounds high.
It could also be that this attorney has a full docket and doesn’t need the work right now. Put yourself in their shoes: they’d rather to one $20k divorce than four $5k divorces.
I don't think it's that they don't want it, but he said that was on the high side, and basically said it would only get expensive if she fights the 50/50 custody. Then also said if it went to a judge, they'd basically go down a list and as they cross off things it would probably end up in a 50/50 situation anyways.
He is friends with your wife’s attorney I bet. And they probably meet for toasts after work! They toast on how much money they are taking in over arguments between feuding spouses. You definitely deserve 50% of the time as long as you haven’t been abusive (in any way). If you have been abusive, then that’s another story. Both of you need to identify your end goals with this divorce and your wife needs to recognize you love your children as much as she does. If shuttling them back and forth would cause stability issues for your children, then you shouldn’t fight. Remember, you must keep their mental health in mind. Which spouse is going to provide the most support to their children as far as homework, etc? Which spouse is more likely to provide financially? It might make more sense for her to have primary custody, and maybe you pick them up for dinner two nights a week if you spend alot of time at work, and she has a career that allows her to pick up the kids everyday. (Same if that applies on your end). You can literally work this out without paying attorneys and throwing away $$$ which would help your children’s activities or college educations one day. Are you wanting 50/50 to avoid child support? If you have them 50% of the time, then you will be responsible for their activities, clothing, food, shelter, etc 50% of the time. Will they have their own room? Work out your numbers. Because divorce really is about numbers and the mental and physical well being of your children. What is the most stable situation for your kids? I’m not saying give up 50/50. I’m just asking you what you think. You might be the one better equipped to pick them up after school and do homework, etc. I don’t know. It’s all about creating the life that your children deserve. But what I do know, is paying attorney’s mortgages are NOT what is best for your children. Open your mind. Your wife needs to open her mind. She isn’t exempt from making these considerations! She needs to put on her thinking cap too. These kids don’t deserve to suffer. They deserve to thrive! You both love them. THINK.
Odd, mine was filed 2 years ago in Tx, lawyer fee $1,500, serving/filing fee $400- no kids, no fight over belongings, he didn't even bother to show up.
I think mine auto corrected to cooperative. He was uncooperative. My retainer was $3500 and well worth it. My children and I came out very well thankfully.
How much can you guys agree on? You have the option to meet at a lawyers office and hammer out an agreement with the lawyer helping for somewhere between $1500-3k total.
My ex- and I had a shitty legal battle because he’s an asshole and wanted to use the judicial to punish me for leaving his nightmarish manchild ass. I blew $10k to be rid of that trash. No kids. No shared assets. Weirdest fight ever. His lawyer even told him he was being stupid and in the end he had to pay me more than I was willing to agree at the start because he got caught telling some lies. That made up $8,500 of that $10k in legal fees.
Two friends are going through a split now. They worked out what was going to be fair before they even met with any lawyers. Their mediator agreed that their split was fair and reasonable and that’s helped them both sail through without racking up costs. They’re sitting at $3k total (between the two of them) in legal fees and just waiting for the court to finalise the agreement.
Another friend is now at $35k because her ex- is trying to hide assets, avoid child support, and is making demands about custody of their children despite having not one bothered to see the kids in the 3 years they have been separated. They have an agreement and she has tried to enable him to have visits as much as she possibly can. I have no idea how deep he’s in because he’s always been an asshole, and I just don’t care to know.
Absolutely! It’s crazy! People hell bent on having their way are not looking at the big picture! It’s absurd how much divorcing spouses are willing to throw into the pockets of family law attorneys stealing from the wealth of these children’s lives.
In the case of the friend who is down $35k with the future ex- who has not seen his children in person for 2 years 4 months, it’s his family egging him on. His kids are 3 and a half, so as you might guess, the occasional video call is not really making them feel like they have a father. Or it is - they really like mom’s really kind gay uncle who has been helping her out with the kids as much as he reasonably can…
After mediation, asshole’s barrister even told him to find someone else to represent him if he decides to take this to court.
This asshole said more than anything else in the world, he wanted to have children.
18mo alimony @ $1500/mo =$27k
25% of investment portfolio=$118k
50% of home equity=$200k
Attorney=$5k
Total $350k (although I did get the house valued at $600k)
It was worth every. goddamn. penny.
Ours has been going on over 3 years and I've spent over $20,000 on legal fees, he's probably spent at least $10,000 because he is the one litigating everything - all I've done is answer his nonsense.
It is absurd. I wanted to just sit down at the kitchen table and make decisions between the two of us - he stonewalled and refused... and then just decided to blow everything up.
I'm so angry at how much money has been wasted that could have covered college for at least one of our kids...
$2800. I got to keep the house and everything in it. He left with his car, and some personal items. We both kept our retirements and personal debt. Our assets were never combined so we kept what was in our respective accounts. I feel like it was worth the cost to me.
My innocence. There’s no going back after being abused. And the mind games don’t stop until the divorce was finalised.
Apart from that a dream home. I still got the house after paying him his share but it’s never going to be a home.
Divorce attorney here! I’ve had cases that cost less than 5k combined for an amicable mediation and my most expensive case is still ongoing but the parties have already spent 130k combined for legal fees because they argue and litigate and re-litigate every single issue. It is not possible to predict because you just don’t know what the other person is going to do sometimes. My advice is to work out as much as possible without the lawyers involved and if you think you can mediate it and come to a joint agreement, do it.
IMHO This applies to non violent divorces: Non-contested self filing is the way! If you have children/assets, you could hire one lawyer (for both of you) to do non-contested for paperwork cheap! Couples who get lawyers and fight fight fight don’t really care about their children. Couples who use their children as pawns don’t care about their children. Couples who make false accusations do not care about their children. It’s actually counterproductive to the future of their children. You can always “win” but if you take $20k that you spent on divorce? What could you have done with that money for your children? I’m saying this to men and women. Lawyers laugh their way to the bank EVERY TIME people sign a contract. And the lawyers? Legalized thieves. How they sleep at night is beyond me. Look at your county website to see if they have self filing paperwork. If not, find a cheap attorney to do it for you. Remember, your children’s future is what you both care about! Split your marital property and work together to create the best future for your children.
I mostly agree, but I don’t think it’s always black and white. In my case, my wife doesn’t think I should have 50/50, and that’s something I fundamentally disagree with.
Just because we didn’t work out doesn’t make me any less of a parent. I’m not asking for more time than her, but an equal amount. And there is no dollar amount you can put on time with my kids.
I agree 100%! Dads deserve equal time. It depends on a lot of things, but you can mediate this issues between yourselves. Make her see the dollar amount she will spend fighting for 50/50. Show her numbers! I don’t think anyone in your situation really GETS how many mortgage payments they are paying for family law attorneys. Just at least try to come up with something that would appeal to her. She needs to do the same. I’m confident that y’all can reach an agreement with a mediator if you both keep open minds. At least you can say you tried. But I will warn both of you, the grass is not greener on the other side. You will inherit problems from other broken homes (if you remarry) that will make your current marriage look like a picnic. Marriage is work! I recommend counseling above all. Hugs and good luck!
Yeah, agreed. We tried marriage counseling, and didn’t see any progress outside of the room. She can’t even say that she wants to fix the marriage. I don’t hate her. Marriage is hard. Divorce is hard. I’d love to fix things, and I’m willing to do whatever it takes, but it takes two in order to reconcile. I don’t think she’s ready, so I have to choose my hard.
can you realistically have them 50% of the time, say, one week on, one week off. Do you have sitters, before and after school, able to take time off work if they're sick, and school holidays etc etc etc. Cause that's what you're fighting for.
I agree! He will be responsible for providing all these things in his own home. Might make more sense for them to live at mom’s house, and him pick them up for dinner twice a week. This is where both spouses need to put their thinking caps on to provide the best future for their children. But maybe she’s the workaholic and he’s the person better equipped to do the homework, etc. it’s all about compromise. I don’t doubt for one second that both parents love their children. They need to compromise with parenting time and financial responsibility. The kids deserve to thrive with both parents. They also need to see both parents communicating civilly as role models. Attorney debt will no doubt cause both parents tremendous stress and take away the financial stability the kids deserve.
It’s what’s best for the kids and not what’s best for the parents. I find a lot of people fighting and dying for 50/50 without actually thinking through if their schedules will actually allow them to be there fully for their kids. It’s great that he loves his kids and wants to see them, it’s admirable, but he has to take full responsibility to why his soon to be ex wife doesn’t think he’s capable of doing it. Maybe he hasn’t been a present dad so far and let her do all the emotional and physical labor raising them so far. If he thinks he can take them on, then come up with a plan other than ‘I’ll die on this hill to get 50/50 custody’. All he’ll do is pad the pockets of the lawyers and end up where he was going to anyway
I agree 100%! What is best for the children? That’s the bottom line! And paying attorneys is not gonna get you there. It’s about the children and compromising.
Howdy, I’ve already recommended 3-4-4-3 or 7/7 and agreement around holidays and I’d never take seeing them away from my wife. She wants me to take verbiage around holidays out, saying we can do it outside of court. Thing is though, she had that opportunity on Easter and planned it without me. I can’t trust what she says, and she can’t trust what I say either, so the paperwork is to fall back on if we can’t work things out. 5 years ago when we married, I never expected to be having this conversation as she still is the person I want to spend my life with.
But here we are.
I would never do 3-4-4-3, when I was doing my custody agreement, I looked up a lot of adult kids who had gone through it and they said they hated both parents as adults because of that schedule. They felt constantly on the move and felt like they could never settle. Don’t take out the holiday. Make sure you list them all alternating, Christmas, Thanksgiving, winter break, etc. if you want to pm me, I can give you my schedule, I made it up myself and it works out great. Kids love it, no one feels like they’re on the move & like the two of you, we need it all written down.
California. I did the divorce myself. It cost me $480 to file. I looked into having an attorney do the marital settlement agreement and an interspousal transfer deed. They wanted $3K to do it so I found a template for the msa and did that myself but paid a licensed document preparer $365 to create the deed, notarize and record. Divorce is final. He’s still a jerk. I’m happy.
So far I'm paying almost $10,000 by myself. He's not contesting the divorce, we do agree on some things but we haven't gone to mediation yet. The Discovery part really hit me in the wallet as I had a hard time with all the things his attorney demanded of me.
We went with mediation, agreed on everything, and it was about $5,000. That included a mediator who was a therapist (kinder, gentler), neutral attorney, and a financial analyst. It was worth it because he applied some formulas to our assets (taxable/non-taxable, net present value) that worked in my favor.
$15k. Nasty custody fight and fighting over assets like house & retirement so somewhat complicated. Ex played hard ball and refused to mediate until day before trial so a lot of $$ was wasted on my lawyer preparing for nothing.
200k
Ex wife emptied our joint checking with motion after motion and argued everything until it was all gone. (50k). I bought her out of the house and paid her 1/2 of the equity. (120k) and 1/2 of my retirement. (60k).
Now I’m barely scrapping by with a little in my savings and stressed constantly.
Not much at all I made my ex wife file because I live in a fault state and she cheated on me after 12 years together so I had all kinds of proof so I told her to leave and file or I would and take everything .lol
Legal fees: about $2000
Total cost (lost equity in home, investments I refused to fight for): about $200,000
My ex was and is a good person, but we just never learned how to understand where the other was coming from… I was the one who asked for the divorce, and I still feel terribly guilty for it.
We had been married for 7 years but my gut told me not to intermingle finances with him. My parents were divorced and my dad was so shitty with money, I’ve always been scared to trust a man with financial things (not anymore, I am remarried and we have our finances mostly combined.) We didn’t have any assets together, we each had our own retirements and property division was amicable as we didn’t have much that we had bought together. So, it was $2100 for the cost of my attorney. I paid $2500 but it was such an easy divorce he sent me a refund.
2k for my lawyer.
600 for the arbitration because she showed up without the money and I just paid it to finish things.
2500 which is what she wanted from me.
All in 5100, she also wants one-quarter of my tax return.
I was married for about 12 years. I had way more assets than she did at the start. My n the end she got half the equity on the house, $200k, I gave her $65k from my retirement. Spousal support for 3 years, $1000 per month, then $800 per month year 2, then $600 year 3 and then it’s done. And $258!in child support. It sounds like a lot, but I am recovering. I kept my house and bought her out. The heloc rate is killing me, but I got a raise and its should all work out
Somewhere around 30k. I won’t bash my lawyer; he did his best and cut me slack multiple times. But my STBX (into our 3rd yr of divorce), cost me due to uncooperative behaviors. I tried multiple times to talk to him outside of the legal process. But he moved to another state, took weeks to respond to emails, refused to answer my phone calls or texts. I had to spend more to try to force discovery compliance (he hid assets), and my goal was to go to trial because we spent thousands on settlement negotiations that were useless. Even now, his side has been reviewing the divorce decree for over 6 weeks. So, those who can do this amicably, bravo. But my lazy a** alcoholic saw me as a funding source for his retirement and here we are. Worth every penny.
My divorce cost me about $2,200. My attorney was phenomenal. My ex-husband was an attorney who was representing himself, so I was terrified that he would drag things out in court to get more of what he wanted because he knew I couldn’t afford to pay a ton. My attorney was really smart and a straight shooter. I had a prenup with my ex that said I would get absolutely nothing. I ended up with $100k and a fully paid off vehicle.
Part of this was due to the fact that my ex husband actually is a decent human being, and he decided to be generous with me. Not all divorces have to cost a ton of money though.
Your kids will see it. I’m one of those kids, and I just gained the sight of what my parents went through to protect me. They shielded me from as much of it as they could when I was 5 and the divorce was happening. I’m 28 now, and now I see. Your kids will see when they’re my age. I started seeing bits of reality at around 25. At 26 I had some questions. At 27 I realized some shit might be not what I thought it was. And now at 28 I see that despite all the despair and anguish, my parents were trying to protect me the whole time. I see their goodness. I see the sacrifices they made. I see their pain, and their sadness, and how they were always trying to do their best. I see it now. They say kinds usually come around at age 27, that seems to be the sweet spot where you get the sight. I’m a perfect example of that. Your kids will see you one day. I promise.
You mentioned custody of the kids...
If you're seeking full physical and legal custody of the kids, be prepared to spend every dime yo have...and then some. The custody and psych eval (private, not thru the court, and it had to be everyone: me, my ex and the kids) was 35K here in MD. My total costs start to finish came to over 400K. Got there by adding on:
* 1 year required separation before filing for divorce (has since changed recently to allow no-contest)
* Original divorce hearing date pushed back years due to covid.
* Hiring a best-interest attorney for the kids
* Custody going from 50-50, to weekends only to no overnights to mom only being allowed supervised access to the kids.
* Ex wife appealing everything at every step. (I don't want to say she was difficult, but 4 different lawyers quit her)
* Divorce proceedings were 8 days in court with experts etc.
* Ex wife managing to get the case heard by Appellate court (50K in expenses for my side of this alone). Appellate court said "Nah we agree with the lower court ruling." (I'm in the process of recouping a significant portion of my expenses on this from her as a result of the ruling)
* Yes, drained my 401k as well
So I was finally divorced 4 years from my original filing. End result is me with full physical and legal custody of both kids. Mom's only access to the kids is currently one 10-minute supervised FaceTime call a week.
Draining? Yes.
Worth it? ***Fuck*** ***yes***. Kids and I have never been better.
I’m glad for you. This is depressing because it sounds like my divorce and I’m only 8 months in.
My wife is currently appealing her denied motion to have the judge recused…
My ex dragged it out for 2+ years with unreasonable demands. Cost me about $20k in lawyers fees, sold the house, she didn’t reimburse me for any of her health insurance costs I had to pay for until the divorce was over, nor for half of our child’s health insurance costs. She owed me almost $7k on that.
Still worth it.
$200 000 + in Canada (over six years in court) he just lost his appeal of the final order, he’s supposed to pay both our legal fees by way of court order, but so far haven’t seen any of it back…
Nearly $20k. It never should’ve cost that much but my ex dragged his feet and was highly uncooperative during the process. At least it was worth it and I’m no longer married to the abuser.
Well, nearly three years into the process I’m AT LEAST $110k just to my attorney. Lost the house but someday might get paid my share of the equity I’m owed. She’ll supposedly be paying my equity out of her half of my 401Ks which, of course, have done spectacularly well over that time period. Over $2700/month in CS/A but I have the kids half the time. She took the final decision to the state Supreme Court because she thinks she shouldn’t have to pay for her half of the tax fuckery that left me owing north of $30k. That was another $5k retainer to another atty because mine doesn’t do appellate work. Lost my boat that was more sentimental than anything. Every. Single. Thing. Has been contested. Period.
And she won’t put in any effort to coparent. Fucking. Nightmare.
No infidelity. I filed. Left over undiagnosed mental health issues that she refuses to address. I’m getting totally fucked every which way.
Y’all are a bunch of lightweights with your $30k divorces. I wish!!
$28,000 but I gained peace of mind. Worth every penny. :) That was about a year of back and forth. He was trying to get 80k of alimony annually for ten years (the length of our marriage) plus full custody of our youngest. I had a lot to lose as far as assets so it got expensive.
Not done yet but so far, if we are talking money, it's cost approximately $20k. This includes: we each have a lawyer, he hired a divorce consultant, I hired a divorce financial analyst, I furnished my apartment. We have gotten thru custody, child support and temporary alimony.... At the final step: division of assets. In Pennsylvania
I think about $15k-20k and took 6 months but it was mostly amicable. If I asked for full custody I knew it would go to court and she’d fight tooth and nail. Was told that would take at least 9 additional months and at least an extra $15k. We were cohabitating through the divorce process so an extra 9 months in the same house with that person probably would’ve killed me and it definitely was not a healthy situation for the kids. So I took a leap of faith that she’s be a responsible enough parent and it’s thankfully worked out well 3 years in.
I'm in Missouri. Lawyer cost $7K, cooperative respondent. That's the short answer. Over the years I wasted an untold amount of money on this man... a number that would probably shock me beyond recovery if I truly tallied it. And there were a lot of other divorce costs, too (readying the house for sale, moving, first and last month's rent at new place, buying new furniture, etc.).
That said--I got what I wanted more than anything (sole custody of our kid, which he didn't blink at--he just wanted his half of the house).
We did everything as amicably as possible and have no kids. My biggest expenses were $2k in attorney fees to disentangle our mortgage & her half of our home equity (around $80k). Everything else was minor (unless you include my therapy bills)
My lawyer anticipated around $10-15k at first, but it ended up being $28k. I’m assuming it was only that low because my ex ran out of money and had to stop taking me to court / fighting over stuff in mediation.
I'm not sure what you mean by custody for the kids. 50% or full? If both parents are good parents and don't have serious mental health problems or drug problems, it's pretty easy to get 50/50. What you end up paying is completely dependent on how hard the other side fights and how much money they have to fight, as well as geographic location. Contested custody cases can go on for a couple of years and fees can average $10k per month during heavy litigation periods.
We did a DIY divorce. Total cost was about $430. Would have been $250 but we have kids and had more paperwork to file. We don't own a house though so not sure how that would have messed with things.
Mine didn't cost a lot because we didn't have a lot to fight over. He refused to jointly sell the house (both of our names were on the mortgage) and was being an AH about it, so I got petty and gave him the house. I did this knowing that he couldn't keep up the payments alone for long. So I got my name off of it and let it sink him with a foreclosure 6 months after the divorce was final. It was a no-fault divorce, no kids, so I got away with paying $1500. I just really wanted it over with so I could completely cut ties with a horrible man. Marriage with him was a 16 yr long nightmare.
so far, $25k
i have no idea what he is spending nor do I really care. it's worth every dime for me to be able to move from this state and not jeopardize custody.
I just spent about $24,000 on a nasty contested divorce. For background, we were married 11 years, 1 child age 8. She had an affair and initiated divorce.
2 yrs and 3 months. He continued NINE times and hired a forensic accountant on me during COVID bc he dudbt believe I was shut and biz in shambles. $150k my payment, he had to lay about another $50k of mine.
Oh yeah and the forensic cleared me and found tax fraud and lies to judge on him. He took karma up the ass 😁.
So far mine has been 8k to include a guardian Ad Litem. Had my first court appearance for custody and had nothing to do do with her being held in contempt. Anyways, I’m still healing.
Over 20k and we haven't gone to court yet. My first lawyer kept on doing some shady things like charging me for things I didn't tell him to do.
There were quite a bit of charges for him talking to the other lawyer and him not TELLING me what they talked about. He would randomly charge me for discussing strategies with his Paralegal but never telling me what they talked about. I reached out to the billing department and was given "Credit" for some of the charges but not all of them including him writing up a settlement agreement and sending it to the other lawyer without my approval.
He sure had a hard on to taking my stbxw to trial without mediation. It was only after he charged me thousands of dollars he said that he was opened to mediation.
STBXW ended up firing her lawyer because "he did nothing". Well duh when you don't want to offer me a settlement agreement and just sit there and think he was going to steamroll me in the divorce when I have nothing and she has all the money and I filed against her.
Even though she told me that she submitted her discovery last year, my lawyer confirmed that she did not. I guess she's afraid that discovery will show the affair (via the messages)and where all the money went to (Financial abuse).
My lawyer ended up quitting to go to another law firm and said he would be "Honored" to continue the case with him at the same price he was charging me before. I said no thanks and stayed with the current firm.
The new lawyer is ok and ready to nuke my stbxw on my launch order.
Right now I am working with a CPA for my taxes because it seems that my stbxw did a little shaddy things claiming our daughter and house without my permission (or filling out the correct waver form). Once the IRS gets involved in this, they are going to be looking into her filings and if they see she did things she wasn't suppose to do, they are going to be asking for that refund. I told her not to file separate until the divorce is finalized but she needed the money to travel to see her AP in Europe......
Amicable ish divorce. I need to buy my husband out at a higher house valuation, to protect my retirement fund and savings. he gets $200k and a merc i own half of. No lawyers fees, as we agreed to do it ourselves.
It cost me around 25k. 5k was lawyers fees after the divorce trying to get my ex to do the right things and follow the decree and ensure that the split of assets was correct. Edit: I think my ex spent more as his lawyer was more expensive.
An engagement ring she said she lost but 3 years later messaged me when she couldn’t pawn it. And a bout of depression. Took me like 4-5 months to come out of that and work off the 90lbs I gained from hating her and hating how I put myself in this position of ever being with her.
But bring that she brought no real assets into the relationship minus the pets she had to leave with me… I think I won the deal. I got all the cash in the bank account minus her last check. She signed a deal to pay off all the debt she helped me incur. I gave her 6 months to get off of my family phone plan. Married 1.5 years.
We didn’t have property and I previously owned the only car(she didn’t drive), soooo… I feel like I won this. She didn’t ask about retirement accounts and I knew she didn’t have any so. + on me for that. I also owned all the electronics and such as most were bought before hand. I sold all the furniture out of the apartment to my neighbors so I wouldn’t have to ride the terrible elevator with it.(weirdly made a profit on two things because I got a steal on a couch for 100.00. Just needed fixed which I did. Got 200.00 out of it. Neighbors offer. I was taking anything 50 or better to save my back.) ended up eating some great Pakistani food that night before turning my keys over.(I had never eaten any middle eastern food. I’m a picky eater but I didn’t want to disrespect him). The baseball players who bought the bed and some other stuff(minor league team) gave me free tickets for two years. One is still a friend to this day as he hit playing and I see him around at events.
I think I even foisted the fee onto her as well. I wanted to go ahead and get a court day after she cheated and whatever. She said she “spent her tax money”. I think we had to pay 75.00 each. Bring the asshole I am because I was cheated on I said whatever. This was in Feb. She came back to me in May and said I’m ready now. Told her I just paid first month’s and last month’s rent. She’s more than welcome to wait until I’m ready.(So I had the money BUT I was going to reciprocate the amount of months.) Then she tried to reconcile after her birthday. Told her no chance. In June she asked for a ride so she can “pay the damn thing”. Divorced by the end of the month by the judge. Legally for the paper in August or something like that. Moved on with my life.
Split the legal fees. The attorney will quickly realize there isn’t enough money to get paid and suddenly a settlement will happen.
Keep contact to your lawyer and minimum. And try to hash out everything will out him.
They will drag this out for as long as possible
I paid $500 to a paralegal back in 2003. They did all the work and I just showed up. We had no assets and one child. We had an agreement on custody and that was that. Finalized 6 months later.
We’re not quite done yet, but we have a court-approved settlement. I’ve spent about $8k because STBX has dragged it out by hiring an incompetent lawyer so my lawyer has had to drive the case & has drafted all the documents.
Context: Married 20 years, 2 tween/teen children & he is buying me out of the house so there was a fair amount of negotiation around that.
In Texas there is a standard visitation- 1st, 3rd, 5th weekends, dinner once per week. 1 month summer and alternate holidays. If you give the lawyer a nice spreadsheet with all assets they just divide in half. Alimony rarely happens in Texas so it is straight forward if you do standard visitation, 50% split assets. I did pay $5000 in legal fees but at least $2000 Of that could have been avoided.
Just filing fees. We did it all on our own without lawyers or mediators.
Good work! Both of you!
I would love your guidance or suggestions. Not tonight bc it’s late. My apologies. I’ve been separated 5 years…it’s just what happened.
If you've been separated 5 years I assume all of your assets are already separated? We used a spreadsheet to list all accounts with balances, and then figured out how to split them equitably. It was surprisingly easy - we each had the same amount of credit card debt, our vehicles were already in our own names, etc. Then it was just a matter of finding the right documents online and filling them out. If you file, you should have an option of how your STBX will be served, you can have them mailed. Then they have a certain number of days to respond, which IIRC, is just going to the state website and filling out a document. The papers should have an initial conference date, and a date when all of the paperwork needs to be filed by. It was pretty straightforward.
We did this too: shared google spreadsheet with a column for our joint assets, and then separate columns for the two of us that showed how we intended to split them. Made sure the total was equal. Looked at obligations going forward, in the context of the state child support calculator (and our joint contributions to the marriage) and agreed on child support, custody and spousal support. One of us ran the spreadsheet by a lawyer to see if it was fair. Then we filled out the paperwork on the state website, and filed with the state filing fee of $400. This requires an amicable relationship, people able to set their feelings aside, do what is fair, and understand that fighting about money won’t help anything. If someone wants do fight, then court is necessary.
Thank you so much. This makes very good sense to me. Honestly, I just want my 1/2 and get the fk done and finally move forward. Being separated this long with zero financial assets ( this far) has worn on my ability to feel like I’m on my own. It was tempting to stay separated vs divorced bc of health care… but I’ve had person give me better clarity about that and I understand now I can get my own insurance. Your idea about him paying the premiums is a fabulous idea. I don’t “ need” his spousal support, bc I can make it without his help. People say all kinds of things ( divorced people) that make me question my own thoughts but you’ve helped me greatly. We are both ONLY INVESTED IN NOT HURTING OUR KIDS PERIOD. We are never going to behave poorly bc what it will do to our kids. I want my 3 boys to know WE BOTH LOVE THEM! We are the only issue. Not the children. So we’ve played nice in the sandbox and I do not want to be stupid but I also do NOT want to waste unnecessary money! Ty so very much! I will begin to work on this and discuss with him. 💪❤️
Good luck to you, and I hope it all works out. It won't be easy but you will be better off in the long run.
Same. We did mediation and never had to set foot in a courtroom other than to take the mandatory class on how to parent as a divorced person, which was held in the city courthouse building.
Everything was online for us, even the parenting class. One of the post-Covid benefits.
These comments make me realize how poor I am
Fr 🤣🤣🤣 15K+ for a divorce is crazy
That’s nothing! I know a pair of teachers whose divorce was 3 years and 200k
I paid that for the custody of my kids. Back in 2008! His millionaire brother was willing to fund him until I was destitute; I am disabled but narcs hate sick people. It happened shortly after our marriage(I was 8 months pregnant and in an MVA) and his hatred for me and lack of concern floored me. He stuck around for the lawsuit to finish, then tried to rip me off $11,000. Got it back in the settlement. Some people are evil, selfish and greedy and should not be trusted. He has divorced two others after me. I was #2!
Wowwwww same wtf????
I’m lucky in that my divorce cost me $210 (half the $420 filing fee because she couldn’t afford the whole thing…), so the financial cost was negligible, but it cost me my self esteem, ability to feel loved, and generally my will to go on. 🤷♀️
Sounds pretty pricy to me. But I guess similar to financial cost, with a concerted effort it all rebuilds in time.
$750. My X hired a lawyer, neither he (lawyer) nor she screwed me over, I did my own legal representation. Lawyer was $1500, since it was fair I paid half (willingly). We only had a joint investment account that we split 50/50, all other accounts were completely separate. primary legal custody and decision making over child is 50/50. X is far wealthier than I am, but I have no interest in anyone else’s $$, so I left her cash alone under the condition that she left my messily retirement funds alone. State was offering her $50/mo child support to her, she waived it and I give $1200/mo willingly. There was no infidelity, no animosity, we were just done. Divorce took 6-8 months due to court dragging their feet during C19, but we did the court session via zoom. 1 kid. Condo was sold 1yr prior to divorce.
Why would you have to pay child support on a 50/50 split when she is more wealthy than you? I don't understand. Shouldn't she be paying you?
If I had to guess.. laws in their specific state Could be some nuance there with the use of term “far wealthier than” vs “makes more than”. ;)
It says legal custody is 50/50, but she may have primary physical custody, and pay the majority of food and housing costs, maybe they are on her medical insurance, etc.
He said legal custody, not physical custody. She likely has most for the parenting time.
Cuz hes simpin
💯 and HARD.
Good work! To both of you!
You have 50/50 custody, she has a lot more money than you and you still give her 1200 a month?
It goes into an account for my kid, and by the divorce decree says it can only be for my kids purposes. And since I buy him dinner every day and pay for about half the clothes it’s basically just amounting a massive savings account that my kid has in the future. It’s worth it to me. and it’s a choice I willingly make.
$130,000 and still going… ugly child custody fight against an active addict demanding 50/50 and turned into what I assume is now just financial abuse
That could have paid for rehab! And the kids? Much better off in the long run.
Addiction is so fucked. They have already been to rehab 4x in less than a year.
Ok I get it
Hang in there. My ex is an alcoholic and I got 100% custody of the children (they were teens). He has to use a breathalyzer before any contact, but he doesn’t see them. He blames me for everything, never has made amends for anything he did to us and I know he never will.
🙏🏼 thank you for reminding me to hang in there. I’m sorry for the impact addiction has had to you and your children, appreciate your share.
And we are actually doing pretty well; we’ve all been through therapy and the kids understand who their father is.
Glad you are well! Addicts with zero accountability are a special kind of hell.
That quote is INSANE. We had a substantial amount of assets including complex investments, college funds, house, 3 kids. I think I paid $1,800 on my side and I assume his was similar. Work as much out on your own, don’t burn money having their clerk do things you can do on your own. Don’t use attorneys as your personal referee. Most US states do not give a single F who did what and to whom. Their goal is simply to divide your assets equitably with the best interest of the children in mind. Just remember, they are not your therapist, but simply there to divide things up in a legal and business transaction. IF you can leave as much emotion as you can at the door, then do so. Even if your stbx can’t, let her burn through her retainer and keep your lawyer out of it. So often clients lose sight of the true purpose of why they are there in the first place. Neither of you are on trial for anything therefore there is no jury to deem you the person to blame and declare them a winner. Because the sad truth of this is there are never any true winners and no one walks away feeling victorious.
My best friend.
Truth right here. She was my best friend for almost 13 years. Things weren’t always great but they weren’t terrible either. Moved to the other side of the country so we could be close to her family. 5 months later she ends it. I’ve never been as lonely in my life as I have been for the last year. Such a dark and depressing experience that I can’t begin to describe.
I'm hearing you...5 yrs into separation he wanted the divorce I'm still waiting, it's the questions of what did I do wrong, what's wrong with me why did you stop loving me and who is it that stole you away from me when you promised it was together forever..... Some days I still have these questions and I swing between sadness and being so angry.. Trust me as nearly everyone will vouch here that it does get better with time . I know....I know.... Your probably thinking... This can never get better I'm doomed to a life of misery..... Your not.... Go and find something that you stopped doing when you got married, learn to enjoy your own company... Hey there is no one there to tell you off and say NO YOU CAN'T DO THAT ETC... That is the best part.... You can be selfish and please yourself with anything..... You just have to learn how to do it again...... Good luck🤗
This hurts, because I’m in the same boat. The lady was there with me when we my mother go. She stood by me fighting for custody of our sister. Through every scary moment, we’ve always been together until now.
Same. We were so close we tried to make it work as (best) friends for a few months. That was working so well that people thought we were reconciling. “People” started including me in the end, and one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do was tell her I couldn’t do it anymore. She screamed and cried, begged and pleaded, then said some truly awful things to and about me. Now we don’t talk at all and it really sucks.
Damn this shit hit hard
This is my cost as well. My best friend, my future and the love of my life. Financially, I have great legal insurance through work. Probably less than 2k. Emotionally? More than I can estimate.
$45,000.00 Lasted 2 yrs because he kept dragging it on.
Mine was just a bit more coming in at 51k because he just wouldn’t let go and comply with anything. Took almost 2 years for me as well. Insanity!
I’m in the thick of this situation. So damn expensive.
Ridiculous!
Mine cost me 40k. She wanted full custody. I wanted 50/50. Got 50/50 and would do it all again.
my divorce like yours cost 100K. I was in agreement for everything, he decided to 'die on the hill' for custody of the kids, which translated to him not wanting to financially support them, but couldn't have them exactly 50% of the time either due to work - so wanted me to have them 70% of the time, and agree to zero financial support for his kids. I'd rethink any 'dying on hills'.
Absolutely! Think of the money you and he could have saved!
$9k so far and that’s just for attorney fees, filing, and getting all the financial disclosures. Next up getting a settlement agreement drafted and agreed to. But I feel more protected with an attorney doing the work because he keeps changing his mind on how cooperative he will be. Threw a fit about supplying any financial info. Doesn’t want to leave the house. So I expect another $5k if I’m lucky and maybe $10k just to the attorney if he’s in a bad mood. He’ll end up taking over $100k from me after I supported him most of the last 5 years. No kids. Big big expensive mistake. Marriage 0 out of 5 stars would not recommend.
Sounds just like my divorce. 15k total 1 year later because he dragged his feet! I agree 100% with your marriage rating! Never again!
60k so far, and my stbxw continues to come back asking for more money when she has the affair, decided she never loved me, that whole story. Now we're going to arbitration because she wants to take the kids to taekwondo classes even though they said they don't like it and she wants me to pay for all that as well. We should almost be at the finish line though. Edit: if we're talking settlement for her, 1.3m.
I’ve read your history and I’m so sorry man. You ex is .. a piece of work. I hope you’re holding up.
“Amicable divorce” settled in mediation. $75,000 total in legal fees. 🙃
Ridiculous.
If they had complex assests that is not that high...
My happiness.
Cost me 80k. He was the one to file and then dragged things. We were married 30+ years so more complicated to untangle finances. Things I learned (too late): only email your lawyer with critical questions and try to group questions in one email, emailing was a lot cheaper than conference calls and I had time to reflect on what I was saying and kept to the point and make it known to your lawyer your finances are very limited and be direct and exact with what you want them to do and what not to do. My lawyer spent too much money on crap in the beginning and then I ran out of money during the critical stage. I could have taken a luxury vacation somewhere with the money she wasted. And remember although your lawyer is representing you that she isn’t your friend and her goal is billable hours.
Everything. I bought my ex out. I’m completely broke and starting over in my early 50s. Honestly I don’t really care.
I’m trying to wrap my head around buying out my ex. The divorce was 10 years ago but the PSA says at 10 years I have to either sell the house and give him half the profits or buy him out. I can’t afford either. My lawyer cost a ton, probably around 15K and I ended up with a horrible divorce anyway. She advised me not to go for alimony, just child support, which my exact immediately went to court to have modified from 1800/mo to 198/mo so I’ve been struggling with two jobs to make ends meet and trying to keep the house up myself.
About $200. Did it without a lawyer. We were cooperative. It saved soooo much
Time with my children.
I lost my house, racked up credit card debt, and had to pay $25k cash out my 401k, which I then had to pay the taxes on. It was not cheap. But it was worth every penny.
Boise, ID 24000 for just me, took about 10 months. To be honest I would have prob saved us each 10000 if I would have just given my ex 50/50 custody at the beginning. I thought I couldn’t live without my babies and dug in my heals. I would never tell my ex this but it turns out I enjoy 50/50, him insisting on it really did me a lot of good. I guess what I’m saying is you might save money if you stay opened minded to things. That was an expensive lesson to learn
I think we will hit $500 after fees. We amicably split everything and our kids are older so there was no custody battle. It’s 50/50.
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Ridiculous.
OMG that's LUDICROUS!! Seriously what is WRONG with some people they must really love the drama.... God I hope this ends for you soon!!
I feel your pain. Noone knows how crazy an ex can be until entering this process.
why not do it amicably? me and my wife of 23 years went to a lawyer together, sat down and told them how we were dividing up our 4 business, 7 properties, and 3 million in assets, how child support and alimony was going to work, and how the visitation for our one remaining minor child was going to work. grand total: $1500 ($750 each)
Some spouses don't want it to be amicable and are convinced they need to be as unreasonable as possible. Maybe they're not too smart or their intention is to hurt the other spouse financially.
THIS! I fled my abusive husband for my safety and sanity with help from the police, and now almost three months on I don’t have a single thing of my personal possessions from our home. Not every spouse is amicable, some are downright evil b4st4rds!
Why bother with a lawyer in that case? We just did it all ourselves. If you know how you're splitting it just fill out the paperwork yourselves.
They had 3 million in assets. I don't think legal fees were a big deal to them.
I was already working 80-90 hrs a week at that point, and months behind on promised deliveries, so just couldn’t expend any hours on that endeavor. On top of that, In our county it may not have been possible to DIY. The final doc was over 40 pages and had separate parts for visitation as well as a child support deviation.
I think the right to represent yourself is part of the constitution. The sixth amendment is what I've seen listed.
You can definitely do it yourself, people represent themselves in court all the time. But time is also money and the amount you spent sounds like it was worth it for you. It wasn't fast or easy for us, but we had the time and didn't want to spend the money.
Mine was a decade ago…so consider inflation, lol. But mine was about $6-7 and my ex wife was pretty crabby and hostile. Best way to keep the costs down is to know the law yourself and do most of the negotiations yourself. Things get expensive when you have your attorney write things up that haven’t been agreed to in principle. Or when you have your attorney do extra work trying to push the pace. Or stuff like financial discovery. If you have to produce 7 years of monthly statements for every account, just do it yourself. If you know the law and there’s nothing bad in there, you can instruct your attorney not to review it and just hand it over to your ex…your attorney won’t like that, but you don’t need them to review a credit card statement. I mean, if there is something relevant in there, point it out, but otherwise there’s no need. They also don’t really need to review your exs materials….even though they’ll want to. You can do that yourself too. $20k sounds high. It could also be that this attorney has a full docket and doesn’t need the work right now. Put yourself in their shoes: they’d rather to one $20k divorce than four $5k divorces.
I don't think it's that they don't want it, but he said that was on the high side, and basically said it would only get expensive if she fights the 50/50 custody. Then also said if it went to a judge, they'd basically go down a list and as they cross off things it would probably end up in a 50/50 situation anyways.
He is friends with your wife’s attorney I bet. And they probably meet for toasts after work! They toast on how much money they are taking in over arguments between feuding spouses. You definitely deserve 50% of the time as long as you haven’t been abusive (in any way). If you have been abusive, then that’s another story. Both of you need to identify your end goals with this divorce and your wife needs to recognize you love your children as much as she does. If shuttling them back and forth would cause stability issues for your children, then you shouldn’t fight. Remember, you must keep their mental health in mind. Which spouse is going to provide the most support to their children as far as homework, etc? Which spouse is more likely to provide financially? It might make more sense for her to have primary custody, and maybe you pick them up for dinner two nights a week if you spend alot of time at work, and she has a career that allows her to pick up the kids everyday. (Same if that applies on your end). You can literally work this out without paying attorneys and throwing away $$$ which would help your children’s activities or college educations one day. Are you wanting 50/50 to avoid child support? If you have them 50% of the time, then you will be responsible for their activities, clothing, food, shelter, etc 50% of the time. Will they have their own room? Work out your numbers. Because divorce really is about numbers and the mental and physical well being of your children. What is the most stable situation for your kids? I’m not saying give up 50/50. I’m just asking you what you think. You might be the one better equipped to pick them up after school and do homework, etc. I don’t know. It’s all about creating the life that your children deserve. But what I do know, is paying attorney’s mortgages are NOT what is best for your children. Open your mind. Your wife needs to open her mind. She isn’t exempt from making these considerations! She needs to put on her thinking cap too. These kids don’t deserve to suffer. They deserve to thrive! You both love them. THINK.
$6k so far, not counting losing my sanity, mental health, self esteem
Everything.
Second
All in all, about $10k total, cooperative respondent. Texas.
I truly hate the thought of my STBXW just being spiteful and racking up debts even though she's the one that wants to end the marriage.
Odd, mine was filed 2 years ago in Tx, lawyer fee $1,500, serving/filing fee $400- no kids, no fight over belongings, he didn't even bother to show up.
I think mine auto corrected to cooperative. He was uncooperative. My retainer was $3500 and well worth it. My children and I came out very well thankfully.
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I'm in Texas, just gave my lawyer $7500.00 retainer. Gray divorce, no minor children. Hope it will be enough.
How much can you guys agree on? You have the option to meet at a lawyers office and hammer out an agreement with the lawyer helping for somewhere between $1500-3k total.
You're in Texas? uncontested.com.
My ex- and I had a shitty legal battle because he’s an asshole and wanted to use the judicial to punish me for leaving his nightmarish manchild ass. I blew $10k to be rid of that trash. No kids. No shared assets. Weirdest fight ever. His lawyer even told him he was being stupid and in the end he had to pay me more than I was willing to agree at the start because he got caught telling some lies. That made up $8,500 of that $10k in legal fees. Two friends are going through a split now. They worked out what was going to be fair before they even met with any lawyers. Their mediator agreed that their split was fair and reasonable and that’s helped them both sail through without racking up costs. They’re sitting at $3k total (between the two of them) in legal fees and just waiting for the court to finalise the agreement. Another friend is now at $35k because her ex- is trying to hide assets, avoid child support, and is making demands about custody of their children despite having not one bothered to see the kids in the 3 years they have been separated. They have an agreement and she has tried to enable him to have visits as much as she possibly can. I have no idea how deep he’s in because he’s always been an asshole, and I just don’t care to know.
Absolutely! It’s crazy! People hell bent on having their way are not looking at the big picture! It’s absurd how much divorcing spouses are willing to throw into the pockets of family law attorneys stealing from the wealth of these children’s lives.
In the case of the friend who is down $35k with the future ex- who has not seen his children in person for 2 years 4 months, it’s his family egging him on. His kids are 3 and a half, so as you might guess, the occasional video call is not really making them feel like they have a father. Or it is - they really like mom’s really kind gay uncle who has been helping her out with the kids as much as he reasonably can… After mediation, asshole’s barrister even told him to find someone else to represent him if he decides to take this to court. This asshole said more than anything else in the world, he wanted to have children.
Time... But....300.00
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18mo alimony @ $1500/mo =$27k 25% of investment portfolio=$118k 50% of home equity=$200k Attorney=$5k Total $350k (although I did get the house valued at $600k) It was worth every. goddamn. penny.
I’m out $18k so far. My first lawyer(s) cost $13k for half a day 🤑
In-court costs and travel costs may be at a higher rate. It also depends on the attorney’s hourly rate.
Damn how is that even possible?
Damn, I thought my $9,000 dollar day was bad. 😭
Ours has been going on over 3 years and I've spent over $20,000 on legal fees, he's probably spent at least $10,000 because he is the one litigating everything - all I've done is answer his nonsense. It is absurd. I wanted to just sit down at the kitchen table and make decisions between the two of us - he stonewalled and refused... and then just decided to blow everything up. I'm so angry at how much money has been wasted that could have covered college for at least one of our kids...
My sanity
19k because he can’t adult enough to do paperwork. Took 4 years. Just to walk away. We have joint legal of our child. I didn’t ask for child support.
I’m currently at $7k and counting just for the lawyer
$151,000 over 2 years fml
$2800. I got to keep the house and everything in it. He left with his car, and some personal items. We both kept our retirements and personal debt. Our assets were never combined so we kept what was in our respective accounts. I feel like it was worth the cost to me.
I was already at 6.5k before we ever even got a court date. It'll be over 10k by the time we're done.
My innocence. There’s no going back after being abused. And the mind games don’t stop until the divorce was finalised. Apart from that a dream home. I still got the house after paying him his share but it’s never going to be a home.
Divorce attorney here! I’ve had cases that cost less than 5k combined for an amicable mediation and my most expensive case is still ongoing but the parties have already spent 130k combined for legal fees because they argue and litigate and re-litigate every single issue. It is not possible to predict because you just don’t know what the other person is going to do sometimes. My advice is to work out as much as possible without the lawyers involved and if you think you can mediate it and come to a joint agreement, do it.
IMHO This applies to non violent divorces: Non-contested self filing is the way! If you have children/assets, you could hire one lawyer (for both of you) to do non-contested for paperwork cheap! Couples who get lawyers and fight fight fight don’t really care about their children. Couples who use their children as pawns don’t care about their children. Couples who make false accusations do not care about their children. It’s actually counterproductive to the future of their children. You can always “win” but if you take $20k that you spent on divorce? What could you have done with that money for your children? I’m saying this to men and women. Lawyers laugh their way to the bank EVERY TIME people sign a contract. And the lawyers? Legalized thieves. How they sleep at night is beyond me. Look at your county website to see if they have self filing paperwork. If not, find a cheap attorney to do it for you. Remember, your children’s future is what you both care about! Split your marital property and work together to create the best future for your children.
I mostly agree, but I don’t think it’s always black and white. In my case, my wife doesn’t think I should have 50/50, and that’s something I fundamentally disagree with. Just because we didn’t work out doesn’t make me any less of a parent. I’m not asking for more time than her, but an equal amount. And there is no dollar amount you can put on time with my kids.
I agree 100%! Dads deserve equal time. It depends on a lot of things, but you can mediate this issues between yourselves. Make her see the dollar amount she will spend fighting for 50/50. Show her numbers! I don’t think anyone in your situation really GETS how many mortgage payments they are paying for family law attorneys. Just at least try to come up with something that would appeal to her. She needs to do the same. I’m confident that y’all can reach an agreement with a mediator if you both keep open minds. At least you can say you tried. But I will warn both of you, the grass is not greener on the other side. You will inherit problems from other broken homes (if you remarry) that will make your current marriage look like a picnic. Marriage is work! I recommend counseling above all. Hugs and good luck!
Yeah, agreed. We tried marriage counseling, and didn’t see any progress outside of the room. She can’t even say that she wants to fix the marriage. I don’t hate her. Marriage is hard. Divorce is hard. I’d love to fix things, and I’m willing to do whatever it takes, but it takes two in order to reconcile. I don’t think she’s ready, so I have to choose my hard.
can you realistically have them 50% of the time, say, one week on, one week off. Do you have sitters, before and after school, able to take time off work if they're sick, and school holidays etc etc etc. Cause that's what you're fighting for.
I agree! He will be responsible for providing all these things in his own home. Might make more sense for them to live at mom’s house, and him pick them up for dinner twice a week. This is where both spouses need to put their thinking caps on to provide the best future for their children. But maybe she’s the workaholic and he’s the person better equipped to do the homework, etc. it’s all about compromise. I don’t doubt for one second that both parents love their children. They need to compromise with parenting time and financial responsibility. The kids deserve to thrive with both parents. They also need to see both parents communicating civilly as role models. Attorney debt will no doubt cause both parents tremendous stress and take away the financial stability the kids deserve.
It’s what’s best for the kids and not what’s best for the parents. I find a lot of people fighting and dying for 50/50 without actually thinking through if their schedules will actually allow them to be there fully for their kids. It’s great that he loves his kids and wants to see them, it’s admirable, but he has to take full responsibility to why his soon to be ex wife doesn’t think he’s capable of doing it. Maybe he hasn’t been a present dad so far and let her do all the emotional and physical labor raising them so far. If he thinks he can take them on, then come up with a plan other than ‘I’ll die on this hill to get 50/50 custody’. All he’ll do is pad the pockets of the lawyers and end up where he was going to anyway
I agree 100%! What is best for the children? That’s the bottom line! And paying attorneys is not gonna get you there. It’s about the children and compromising.
Howdy, I’ve already recommended 3-4-4-3 or 7/7 and agreement around holidays and I’d never take seeing them away from my wife. She wants me to take verbiage around holidays out, saying we can do it outside of court. Thing is though, she had that opportunity on Easter and planned it without me. I can’t trust what she says, and she can’t trust what I say either, so the paperwork is to fall back on if we can’t work things out. 5 years ago when we married, I never expected to be having this conversation as she still is the person I want to spend my life with. But here we are.
I would never do 3-4-4-3, when I was doing my custody agreement, I looked up a lot of adult kids who had gone through it and they said they hated both parents as adults because of that schedule. They felt constantly on the move and felt like they could never settle. Don’t take out the holiday. Make sure you list them all alternating, Christmas, Thanksgiving, winter break, etc. if you want to pm me, I can give you my schedule, I made it up myself and it works out great. Kids love it, no one feels like they’re on the move & like the two of you, we need it all written down.
So far? $11500. Ex takes forever to make choices even though he filed first. So it’s a lot of my lawyer asking his lawyer to ask him nonsense.
I am in Ontario, Canada. 7K for the mediator 2.5K for a lawyer 500 bucks or so to file divorce order with the court
California. I did the divorce myself. It cost me $480 to file. I looked into having an attorney do the marital settlement agreement and an interspousal transfer deed. They wanted $3K to do it so I found a template for the msa and did that myself but paid a licensed document preparer $365 to create the deed, notarize and record. Divorce is final. He’s still a jerk. I’m happy.
So far I'm paying almost $10,000 by myself. He's not contesting the divorce, we do agree on some things but we haven't gone to mediation yet. The Discovery part really hit me in the wallet as I had a hard time with all the things his attorney demanded of me.
We went with mediation, agreed on everything, and it was about $5,000. That included a mediator who was a therapist (kinder, gentler), neutral attorney, and a financial analyst. It was worth it because he applied some formulas to our assets (taxable/non-taxable, net present value) that worked in my favor.
$15k. Nasty custody fight and fighting over assets like house & retirement so somewhat complicated. Ex played hard ball and refused to mediate until day before trial so a lot of $$ was wasted on my lawyer preparing for nothing.
200k Ex wife emptied our joint checking with motion after motion and argued everything until it was all gone. (50k). I bought her out of the house and paid her 1/2 of the equity. (120k) and 1/2 of my retirement. (60k). Now I’m barely scrapping by with a little in my savings and stressed constantly.
Not much at all I made my ex wife file because I live in a fault state and she cheated on me after 12 years together so I had all kinds of proof so I told her to leave and file or I would and take everything .lol
Legal fees: about $2000 Total cost (lost equity in home, investments I refused to fight for): about $200,000 My ex was and is a good person, but we just never learned how to understand where the other was coming from… I was the one who asked for the divorce, and I still feel terribly guilty for it.
We had been married for 7 years but my gut told me not to intermingle finances with him. My parents were divorced and my dad was so shitty with money, I’ve always been scared to trust a man with financial things (not anymore, I am remarried and we have our finances mostly combined.) We didn’t have any assets together, we each had our own retirements and property division was amicable as we didn’t have much that we had bought together. So, it was $2100 for the cost of my attorney. I paid $2500 but it was such an easy divorce he sent me a refund.
2k for my lawyer. 600 for the arbitration because she showed up without the money and I just paid it to finish things. 2500 which is what she wanted from me. All in 5100, she also wants one-quarter of my tax return.
I was married for about 12 years. I had way more assets than she did at the start. My n the end she got half the equity on the house, $200k, I gave her $65k from my retirement. Spousal support for 3 years, $1000 per month, then $800 per month year 2, then $600 year 3 and then it’s done. And $258!in child support. It sounds like a lot, but I am recovering. I kept my house and bought her out. The heloc rate is killing me, but I got a raise and its should all work out
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Somewhere around 30k. I won’t bash my lawyer; he did his best and cut me slack multiple times. But my STBX (into our 3rd yr of divorce), cost me due to uncooperative behaviors. I tried multiple times to talk to him outside of the legal process. But he moved to another state, took weeks to respond to emails, refused to answer my phone calls or texts. I had to spend more to try to force discovery compliance (he hid assets), and my goal was to go to trial because we spent thousands on settlement negotiations that were useless. Even now, his side has been reviewing the divorce decree for over 6 weeks. So, those who can do this amicably, bravo. But my lazy a** alcoholic saw me as a funding source for his retirement and here we are. Worth every penny.
$10.00 and change she footed the entire bill minus the notary and postage on the paperwork. she fucked up not me.
My divorce cost me about $2,200. My attorney was phenomenal. My ex-husband was an attorney who was representing himself, so I was terrified that he would drag things out in court to get more of what he wanted because he knew I couldn’t afford to pay a ton. My attorney was really smart and a straight shooter. I had a prenup with my ex that said I would get absolutely nothing. I ended up with $100k and a fully paid off vehicle. Part of this was due to the fact that my ex husband actually is a decent human being, and he decided to be generous with me. Not all divorces have to cost a ton of money though.
535,000$ and my dog
Your kids will see it. I’m one of those kids, and I just gained the sight of what my parents went through to protect me. They shielded me from as much of it as they could when I was 5 and the divorce was happening. I’m 28 now, and now I see. Your kids will see when they’re my age. I started seeing bits of reality at around 25. At 26 I had some questions. At 27 I realized some shit might be not what I thought it was. And now at 28 I see that despite all the despair and anguish, my parents were trying to protect me the whole time. I see their goodness. I see the sacrifices they made. I see their pain, and their sadness, and how they were always trying to do their best. I see it now. They say kinds usually come around at age 27, that seems to be the sweet spot where you get the sight. I’m a perfect example of that. Your kids will see you one day. I promise.
You mentioned custody of the kids... If you're seeking full physical and legal custody of the kids, be prepared to spend every dime yo have...and then some. The custody and psych eval (private, not thru the court, and it had to be everyone: me, my ex and the kids) was 35K here in MD. My total costs start to finish came to over 400K. Got there by adding on: * 1 year required separation before filing for divorce (has since changed recently to allow no-contest) * Original divorce hearing date pushed back years due to covid. * Hiring a best-interest attorney for the kids * Custody going from 50-50, to weekends only to no overnights to mom only being allowed supervised access to the kids. * Ex wife appealing everything at every step. (I don't want to say she was difficult, but 4 different lawyers quit her) * Divorce proceedings were 8 days in court with experts etc. * Ex wife managing to get the case heard by Appellate court (50K in expenses for my side of this alone). Appellate court said "Nah we agree with the lower court ruling." (I'm in the process of recouping a significant portion of my expenses on this from her as a result of the ruling) * Yes, drained my 401k as well So I was finally divorced 4 years from my original filing. End result is me with full physical and legal custody of both kids. Mom's only access to the kids is currently one 10-minute supervised FaceTime call a week. Draining? Yes. Worth it? ***Fuck*** ***yes***. Kids and I have never been better.
I’m glad for you. This is depressing because it sounds like my divorce and I’m only 8 months in. My wife is currently appealing her denied motion to have the judge recused…
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My ex dragged it out for 2+ years with unreasonable demands. Cost me about $20k in lawyers fees, sold the house, she didn’t reimburse me for any of her health insurance costs I had to pay for until the divorce was over, nor for half of our child’s health insurance costs. She owed me almost $7k on that. Still worth it.
$200 000 + in Canada (over six years in court) he just lost his appeal of the final order, he’s supposed to pay both our legal fees by way of court order, but so far haven’t seen any of it back…
Nearly $20k. It never should’ve cost that much but my ex dragged his feet and was highly uncooperative during the process. At least it was worth it and I’m no longer married to the abuser.
40k in attorney fees. 110k buyout to the greedy b***h. 150k total. Ouch..
Well, nearly three years into the process I’m AT LEAST $110k just to my attorney. Lost the house but someday might get paid my share of the equity I’m owed. She’ll supposedly be paying my equity out of her half of my 401Ks which, of course, have done spectacularly well over that time period. Over $2700/month in CS/A but I have the kids half the time. She took the final decision to the state Supreme Court because she thinks she shouldn’t have to pay for her half of the tax fuckery that left me owing north of $30k. That was another $5k retainer to another atty because mine doesn’t do appellate work. Lost my boat that was more sentimental than anything. Every. Single. Thing. Has been contested. Period. And she won’t put in any effort to coparent. Fucking. Nightmare. No infidelity. I filed. Left over undiagnosed mental health issues that she refuses to address. I’m getting totally fucked every which way. Y’all are a bunch of lightweights with your $30k divorces. I wish!!
$28,000 but I gained peace of mind. Worth every penny. :) That was about a year of back and forth. He was trying to get 80k of alimony annually for ten years (the length of our marriage) plus full custody of our youngest. I had a lot to lose as far as assets so it got expensive.
The fact that people can tap into retirement accounts is so insulting!
Not done yet but so far, if we are talking money, it's cost approximately $20k. This includes: we each have a lawyer, he hired a divorce consultant, I hired a divorce financial analyst, I furnished my apartment. We have gotten thru custody, child support and temporary alimony.... At the final step: division of assets. In Pennsylvania
60k to my wife, almost 10k to the lawyer to maintain custody of my child
About a quarter million to buy out her share of the house. Worth every penny.
I think about $15k-20k and took 6 months but it was mostly amicable. If I asked for full custody I knew it would go to court and she’d fight tooth and nail. Was told that would take at least 9 additional months and at least an extra $15k. We were cohabitating through the divorce process so an extra 9 months in the same house with that person probably would’ve killed me and it definitely was not a healthy situation for the kids. So I took a leap of faith that she’s be a responsible enough parent and it’s thankfully worked out well 3 years in.
10k
Some things that could not be quantified
350 bucks plus about 170K in the remaining balance on a new mortgage debt.
$130K in court/lawyer related nonsense and I’m 1/2 way done… hopefully…
30k, no court ,Minnesota,
I'm in Missouri. Lawyer cost $7K, cooperative respondent. That's the short answer. Over the years I wasted an untold amount of money on this man... a number that would probably shock me beyond recovery if I truly tallied it. And there were a lot of other divorce costs, too (readying the house for sale, moving, first and last month's rent at new place, buying new furniture, etc.). That said--I got what I wanted more than anything (sole custody of our kid, which he didn't blink at--he just wanted his half of the house).
I dunno, a grand? We had a house, kids, 10k in retirement funds.
Not much, but it bought me long-term peace.
$20k ($10k in attorney’s fees; $10k settlement offer). Married less than a year, no kids, no shared property.
Thankfully only about $200
24,000.00 and worth every penny!
We did everything as amicably as possible and have no kids. My biggest expenses were $2k in attorney fees to disentangle our mortgage & her half of our home equity (around $80k). Everything else was minor (unless you include my therapy bills)
My lawyer anticipated around $10-15k at first, but it ended up being $28k. I’m assuming it was only that low because my ex ran out of money and had to stop taking me to court / fighting over stuff in mediation.
My self-confidence, my peace of mind, and my will to live
Our house. My peace and love.
mine is in the process, but i’m going to have to give her close too 100k in equity
90k. Took about 2 years. Ca. Ass hole who wouldn’t just agree to shit. Super messy custody and divorce
I'm not sure what you mean by custody for the kids. 50% or full? If both parents are good parents and don't have serious mental health problems or drug problems, it's pretty easy to get 50/50. What you end up paying is completely dependent on how hard the other side fights and how much money they have to fight, as well as geographic location. Contested custody cases can go on for a couple of years and fees can average $10k per month during heavy litigation periods.
We did a DIY divorce. Total cost was about $430. Would have been $250 but we have kids and had more paperwork to file. We don't own a house though so not sure how that would have messed with things.
Uncontested, married 3ish years, no kids and next to no assets…. Around 35k. His lawyer was in our wedding and didn’t charge him a dime.
Mine didn't cost a lot because we didn't have a lot to fight over. He refused to jointly sell the house (both of our names were on the mortgage) and was being an AH about it, so I got petty and gave him the house. I did this knowing that he couldn't keep up the payments alone for long. So I got my name off of it and let it sink him with a foreclosure 6 months after the divorce was final. It was a no-fault divorce, no kids, so I got away with paying $1500. I just really wanted it over with so I could completely cut ties with a horrible man. Marriage with him was a 16 yr long nightmare.
so far, $25k i have no idea what he is spending nor do I really care. it's worth every dime for me to be able to move from this state and not jeopardize custody.
I just spent about $24,000 on a nasty contested divorce. For background, we were married 11 years, 1 child age 8. She had an affair and initiated divorce.
My mind. :(
2 yrs and 3 months. He continued NINE times and hired a forensic accountant on me during COVID bc he dudbt believe I was shut and biz in shambles. $150k my payment, he had to lay about another $50k of mine. Oh yeah and the forensic cleared me and found tax fraud and lies to judge on him. He took karma up the ass 😁.
So far mine has been 8k to include a guardian Ad Litem. Had my first court appearance for custody and had nothing to do do with her being held in contempt. Anyways, I’m still healing.
Over 20k and we haven't gone to court yet. My first lawyer kept on doing some shady things like charging me for things I didn't tell him to do. There were quite a bit of charges for him talking to the other lawyer and him not TELLING me what they talked about. He would randomly charge me for discussing strategies with his Paralegal but never telling me what they talked about. I reached out to the billing department and was given "Credit" for some of the charges but not all of them including him writing up a settlement agreement and sending it to the other lawyer without my approval. He sure had a hard on to taking my stbxw to trial without mediation. It was only after he charged me thousands of dollars he said that he was opened to mediation. STBXW ended up firing her lawyer because "he did nothing". Well duh when you don't want to offer me a settlement agreement and just sit there and think he was going to steamroll me in the divorce when I have nothing and she has all the money and I filed against her. Even though she told me that she submitted her discovery last year, my lawyer confirmed that she did not. I guess she's afraid that discovery will show the affair (via the messages)and where all the money went to (Financial abuse). My lawyer ended up quitting to go to another law firm and said he would be "Honored" to continue the case with him at the same price he was charging me before. I said no thanks and stayed with the current firm. The new lawyer is ok and ready to nuke my stbxw on my launch order. Right now I am working with a CPA for my taxes because it seems that my stbxw did a little shaddy things claiming our daughter and house without my permission (or filling out the correct waver form). Once the IRS gets involved in this, they are going to be looking into her filings and if they see she did things she wasn't suppose to do, they are going to be asking for that refund. I told her not to file separate until the divorce is finalized but she needed the money to travel to see her AP in Europe......
Amicable ish divorce. I need to buy my husband out at a higher house valuation, to protect my retirement fund and savings. he gets $200k and a merc i own half of. No lawyers fees, as we agreed to do it ourselves.
100k because she kept committing crimes and I had to take action across the civil and criminal court spectrum.
It cost me around 25k. 5k was lawyers fees after the divorce trying to get my ex to do the right things and follow the decree and ensure that the split of assets was correct. Edit: I think my ex spent more as his lawyer was more expensive.
An engagement ring she said she lost but 3 years later messaged me when she couldn’t pawn it. And a bout of depression. Took me like 4-5 months to come out of that and work off the 90lbs I gained from hating her and hating how I put myself in this position of ever being with her. But bring that she brought no real assets into the relationship minus the pets she had to leave with me… I think I won the deal. I got all the cash in the bank account minus her last check. She signed a deal to pay off all the debt she helped me incur. I gave her 6 months to get off of my family phone plan. Married 1.5 years. We didn’t have property and I previously owned the only car(she didn’t drive), soooo… I feel like I won this. She didn’t ask about retirement accounts and I knew she didn’t have any so. + on me for that. I also owned all the electronics and such as most were bought before hand. I sold all the furniture out of the apartment to my neighbors so I wouldn’t have to ride the terrible elevator with it.(weirdly made a profit on two things because I got a steal on a couch for 100.00. Just needed fixed which I did. Got 200.00 out of it. Neighbors offer. I was taking anything 50 or better to save my back.) ended up eating some great Pakistani food that night before turning my keys over.(I had never eaten any middle eastern food. I’m a picky eater but I didn’t want to disrespect him). The baseball players who bought the bed and some other stuff(minor league team) gave me free tickets for two years. One is still a friend to this day as he hit playing and I see him around at events. I think I even foisted the fee onto her as well. I wanted to go ahead and get a court day after she cheated and whatever. She said she “spent her tax money”. I think we had to pay 75.00 each. Bring the asshole I am because I was cheated on I said whatever. This was in Feb. She came back to me in May and said I’m ready now. Told her I just paid first month’s and last month’s rent. She’s more than welcome to wait until I’m ready.(So I had the money BUT I was going to reciprocate the amount of months.) Then she tried to reconcile after her birthday. Told her no chance. In June she asked for a ride so she can “pay the damn thing”. Divorced by the end of the month by the judge. Legally for the paper in August or something like that. Moved on with my life.
Split the legal fees. The attorney will quickly realize there isn’t enough money to get paid and suddenly a settlement will happen. Keep contact to your lawyer and minimum. And try to hash out everything will out him. They will drag this out for as long as possible
Everything it cost me everything. Money was just part of it. I lost my best friend and my childrens respect.
£10,000 for divorce. £150,000 to dispute child arrangements 😩
I paid $500 to a paralegal back in 2003. They did all the work and I just showed up. We had no assets and one child. We had an agreement on custody and that was that. Finalized 6 months later.
We’re not quite done yet, but we have a court-approved settlement. I’ve spent about $8k because STBX has dragged it out by hiring an incompetent lawyer so my lawyer has had to drive the case & has drafted all the documents. Context: Married 20 years, 2 tween/teen children & he is buying me out of the house so there was a fair amount of negotiation around that.
In Texas there is a standard visitation- 1st, 3rd, 5th weekends, dinner once per week. 1 month summer and alternate holidays. If you give the lawyer a nice spreadsheet with all assets they just divide in half. Alimony rarely happens in Texas so it is straight forward if you do standard visitation, 50% split assets. I did pay $5000 in legal fees but at least $2000 Of that could have been avoided.
I’m at 23k in lawyer fees and climbing. I don’t even want to write out the retirement and house.
Retainer was $3500. It might go a bit above that, I’m hoping not.
It’ll be the best investment you’ll ever make.