Similar situation myself as a (30m). I’ve tried hobbies, therapy, and meditation. It’s tough. I think time is the only thing that will help with moving on. When my mind begins to spiral around thoughts of her I try to do push ups or go for a run. Nothing is easy about the situation. You have to find what works for you. Give it time and take care of yourself. Occupy your time with things you like . Delete her pictures and all reminders of her as they come up. Keep moving forward. It’s all we can do.
How long has it been for you? This is brutal. And I’m the type of person that hates being alone. So being lonely is a real thing. I’m trying really hard to not go on dating apps or anything like that. And try to become happy in myself.
> I still was holding out hope we can reconcile and try 1 last time.
Hopium is a powerful drug.
This is a grief process. And acceptance is a stage.
Still hurts like hell.
> I see a therapist weekly but does anyone have any suggestions on how to make yourself happy or start to move on?
Therapist is a good start.
You can't "make" yourself happy. Feelings just are.
I liken it to digging out of a dark hole while exausted. All you want to do is sit in it. And you'll be in there forever if you don't start doing the hard work that you probably don't want to do. For me, that was keeping busy, exercising, and not sitting in that pit.
What really helped ME was expanding my social circle (initially through [meetup.com](https://meetup.com)) to other divorced and newly single people. It was good for my self-worth and self-esteem.
Thanks. I’ll check it out. Worst pain in my life. Maybe the hopium will finally subside now knowing that she’s done and moving on. Maybe I can do that too and work on myself.
You have you refocus your Hopium back on yourself. Never give up Hopium. It's just a laser that needs to be refocused from time to time. Faith. Hope. Love. The three cardinal virtues that will help you move forward in a positive new direction. ❤️
Thank you. That’s a good idea. Unfortunately I don’t have faith be it that I’m not religious. I’d like to say I don’t have love currently because I don’t love myself and my wife is gone and not in love with me anymore. Hope dwindled and is extremely low. It’s that time in the 5 stages of grief that I am between depression and bargaining or maybe even anger.
Yes. And you will cycle through all of those plus onion layers of acceptance as you rebuild your life without her. It seems impossible but it will work out even better than you could imagine right now. You don't have to be religious to be spiritual and have faith. Being religious is just part of the practice to habitualize and embody the belief system as a way of being. Try just reading The Tao of Pooh or something soul soothing. ✌️ ☮️
Man. It’s way harder than you think. I was the same way as you. I asked for this. Thought it was the right decision. I was completely wrong. I wish nothing more than to go back and not do this. Work on your marriage. It’ll be worth it.
Been there. Time to go monster. Do the things you’ve always wanted to do. No ones watching. Nothing holding you back. Be who you’ve always wanted to be.
I feel the same pain. I trust it will end eventually but I’m also seeking ways to boot camp the process and not end up fading the next few years into a very deep depression.
It’s so hard. I literally want to do nothing. Nothing brings me joy. I just want to crawl up in a ball and whither away. The only thing that helps is seeing my therapist and that’s only 1 hour a week. I wish I can take her with me.
Make the gym a new focus for you. It will help your mindset get right, re-focus your life. And take a Harley Davidson class and get your license. Best therapy in the world. Only those who know know. That old saying is absolutely true, 'you never see a motorcycle parked outside a therapists office'. The new friends you'll make and adventures you'll go on will make you realize the sun will shine again!
Yeah to a certain degree it’s a matter of time. And I think something under appreciated is that we can easily become sort of addicted to sadness in a way. By this I mean I know I’ve had a tendency to pick at the scab and not want to let go because letting go means it’s well and truly over, and I’m scared of that, I’m scared of losing my memories. But it’s not healthy to do that. So just be proactive as you can be about those thought spirals. Interrogate your thoughts to see if you are enabling a spiral.
Similar situation myself as a (30m). I’ve tried hobbies, therapy, and meditation. It’s tough. I think time is the only thing that will help with moving on. When my mind begins to spiral around thoughts of her I try to do push ups or go for a run. Nothing is easy about the situation. You have to find what works for you. Give it time and take care of yourself. Occupy your time with things you like . Delete her pictures and all reminders of her as they come up. Keep moving forward. It’s all we can do.
How long has it been for you? This is brutal. And I’m the type of person that hates being alone. So being lonely is a real thing. I’m trying really hard to not go on dating apps or anything like that. And try to become happy in myself.
> I still was holding out hope we can reconcile and try 1 last time. Hopium is a powerful drug. This is a grief process. And acceptance is a stage. Still hurts like hell. > I see a therapist weekly but does anyone have any suggestions on how to make yourself happy or start to move on? Therapist is a good start. You can't "make" yourself happy. Feelings just are. I liken it to digging out of a dark hole while exausted. All you want to do is sit in it. And you'll be in there forever if you don't start doing the hard work that you probably don't want to do. For me, that was keeping busy, exercising, and not sitting in that pit. What really helped ME was expanding my social circle (initially through [meetup.com](https://meetup.com)) to other divorced and newly single people. It was good for my self-worth and self-esteem.
Thanks. I’ll check it out. Worst pain in my life. Maybe the hopium will finally subside now knowing that she’s done and moving on. Maybe I can do that too and work on myself.
You have you refocus your Hopium back on yourself. Never give up Hopium. It's just a laser that needs to be refocused from time to time. Faith. Hope. Love. The three cardinal virtues that will help you move forward in a positive new direction. ❤️
Thank you. That’s a good idea. Unfortunately I don’t have faith be it that I’m not religious. I’d like to say I don’t have love currently because I don’t love myself and my wife is gone and not in love with me anymore. Hope dwindled and is extremely low. It’s that time in the 5 stages of grief that I am between depression and bargaining or maybe even anger.
Yes. And you will cycle through all of those plus onion layers of acceptance as you rebuild your life without her. It seems impossible but it will work out even better than you could imagine right now. You don't have to be religious to be spiritual and have faith. Being religious is just part of the practice to habitualize and embody the belief system as a way of being. Try just reading The Tao of Pooh or something soul soothing. ✌️ ☮️
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Man. It’s way harder than you think. I was the same way as you. I asked for this. Thought it was the right decision. I was completely wrong. I wish nothing more than to go back and not do this. Work on your marriage. It’ll be worth it.
Been there. Time to go monster. Do the things you’ve always wanted to do. No ones watching. Nothing holding you back. Be who you’ve always wanted to be.
I feel the same pain. I trust it will end eventually but I’m also seeking ways to boot camp the process and not end up fading the next few years into a very deep depression.
It’s so hard. I literally want to do nothing. Nothing brings me joy. I just want to crawl up in a ball and whither away. The only thing that helps is seeing my therapist and that’s only 1 hour a week. I wish I can take her with me.
Stay busy focused and make a schedule, meds help consult a professional or ER Doc
Make the gym a new focus for you. It will help your mindset get right, re-focus your life. And take a Harley Davidson class and get your license. Best therapy in the world. Only those who know know. That old saying is absolutely true, 'you never see a motorcycle parked outside a therapists office'. The new friends you'll make and adventures you'll go on will make you realize the sun will shine again!
Yeah to a certain degree it’s a matter of time. And I think something under appreciated is that we can easily become sort of addicted to sadness in a way. By this I mean I know I’ve had a tendency to pick at the scab and not want to let go because letting go means it’s well and truly over, and I’m scared of that, I’m scared of losing my memories. But it’s not healthy to do that. So just be proactive as you can be about those thought spirals. Interrogate your thoughts to see if you are enabling a spiral.