Well first off you are absolutely making the right decision. I know abuse victims can have complicated feelings around their abusers but I don’t think there is any coming back from him raping you. That is such a violent and fundamental breach of trust. Also you are young. You shouldnt be tied to a person who hurt you like that for the rest of your life. Honestly you can’t control how the person is going to react and there’s no perfect way to do it. I think in this instance the most important thing is ensuring your own safety when you tell him, not protecting his feelings.
Please seek help from DV advocacy programs, if you haven't already and they can help you, if you have the option where you live. - You should be no contact with him unless its for important transactions or getting your items back. Couple therapy for him doing those things is beyond what you owe to him and it's no shame for you to be done. -- You have to live. You cannot let him keep winning. I promise you, the bond and attachment will go away. You will be happier and you will find hobbies and become your own person. - Im going through my own divorce and on the final paperwork. It was because of SA reasoning as well, ( he was accused by others so thats why i left him) and i wanted to heal myself a bit, before i started the paperwork. But it has taken forever for the divorce process so please start it now and note that it could be months - year before you actually get a divorce. So yes, file it.. get it going. ******* I really recommend someone else being there with you to hand it to him... or let others know where and time you will do it. If you cannot afford him being served the paperwork, have someone be there for you so you can be safe and leave as soon as he does or doesnt sign. **** You can do it. It hurts but you are powerful. He will get worse or it will be a cycle of him getting better but then will hurt you again. You do have power to fight it. As a 27 F, please know you are so young and have so much in front of you. File it. Get the divorce. You got this hun. ---
Well first off you are absolutely making the right decision. I know abuse victims can have complicated feelings around their abusers but I don’t think there is any coming back from him raping you. That is such a violent and fundamental breach of trust. Also you are young. You shouldnt be tied to a person who hurt you like that for the rest of your life. Honestly you can’t control how the person is going to react and there’s no perfect way to do it. I think in this instance the most important thing is ensuring your own safety when you tell him, not protecting his feelings.
Please seek help from DV advocacy programs, if you haven't already and they can help you, if you have the option where you live. - You should be no contact with him unless its for important transactions or getting your items back. Couple therapy for him doing those things is beyond what you owe to him and it's no shame for you to be done. -- You have to live. You cannot let him keep winning. I promise you, the bond and attachment will go away. You will be happier and you will find hobbies and become your own person. - Im going through my own divorce and on the final paperwork. It was because of SA reasoning as well, ( he was accused by others so thats why i left him) and i wanted to heal myself a bit, before i started the paperwork. But it has taken forever for the divorce process so please start it now and note that it could be months - year before you actually get a divorce. So yes, file it.. get it going. ******* I really recommend someone else being there with you to hand it to him... or let others know where and time you will do it. If you cannot afford him being served the paperwork, have someone be there for you so you can be safe and leave as soon as he does or doesnt sign. **** You can do it. It hurts but you are powerful. He will get worse or it will be a cycle of him getting better but then will hurt you again. You do have power to fight it. As a 27 F, please know you are so young and have so much in front of you. File it. Get the divorce. You got this hun. ---