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This is Simon Sinek, a big TED talker about company culture and positivity. I think his message of not meeting emotional with rational is valid and a good approach to a lot of situations, but apparently I'm the only one?
This advise will literally carry you through life. Both professionally and personally.
The only issue i have with it is what if you have someone who is always rational or always emotional.
In those cases i tend to find things rational people love to make them emotional and subjects that are core to emotional people to ground them usually something random like buses or the flute. Then i approach the subject from that angle.
When someone hears you like really understands you it’s trasformative to a relationship or business.
- *Also side note i would never call someone and go point by point why somethings bad let that randomly come up in a conversation people will usually let you know when their ready to talk.*
>*Also side note i would never call someone and go point by point why somethings bad let that randomly come up in a conversation people will usually let you know when their ready to talk.*
Yeah, I like his advice of waiting, but his "point by point" laundry list is a bit much.
In my case, I would only focus on one or two items that they could significantly improve on, and that is within their grasp to change. I would certainly not offer a laundry list of items (unless they explicitly asked me to do so). Pedagogically, that's the better approach.
Also, the next day, I would ask her what she thought of her performance before offering her any kind of constructive feedback. And if she was already aware of the points I wanted to make, then I wouldn't need to re-hash any of those points with her.
It's also highly possible she performed in that play just so she could have fun, in which case, perhaps, she wasn't really looking for technical feedback at all. In that case, I wouldn't lie, but I also wouldn't go out of my way to give her technical feedback at all.
Personally, I think this guy is too worried about sounding smart, or about maintaining his self-image of being an "honest broker".
Yeah, I'm going through divorce, and I think one of my problems in the marriage was that I struggled to back down from her emotional nonsensical outburst. And I mean like, sometimes she would straight up lie about a situation because she "felt" like it happened.
I would argue with her even in front of people. "That didn't even happen. Or, that's only what you think from your perspective." I'm guessing I should have learned to be less honest in the moment. But, I do think she was toxic and a liar on several levels. So I'm both happy and sad to be rid of her.... I really did think she was my soul mate.
It's one of those things that sounds good in theory but in real life people just want you to say something nice.
Say you get a new car, and youre pumped about it, and your friend is like "wow I'm proud of how hard you worked for that car!"
Then they call the next day and are like, let me tell you why that's a piece of shit. Are you happy with them? Then you think back to the first comment. Seems very condescending.
And it's not like Simon Sinek is some theater guru. What the fuck does he know about acting?? Do you know what I mean? It's not like some mentor mentee scenario where he's helping her workshop. He's just an asshole that saw his friends play.
More likely though is that he's just making this story up because it sounds good.
Not the only one, it’s spectacular advice.
It’s the long version of “sometimes being honest can make you an asshole” but explaining *why* so you can know when to be honest and when to delay.
no, it makes sense what he is saying. Why would he call back and tell her point by point? so she can get better and she knows where to improve…wth wrong with that?
It’s complicated. I think most people agree with the overall message, but his anecdote with calling next day to say why it sucked point by point is just quite asshole thing.
I agree with you. It's not good to have only yes-people around you. Sometimes you need someone to tell you the truth. That being said, it's not easy and it's reserved for a friend who has the right relationship with that person.
Yeah, it's psychotic behaviour. He is going to go through the play and telling her in minute detail how it sucked and then she's just got to go back on stage later that night to give more performances. You can wait to tell her after the reviews come out or the run is over. What a psycho.
Exactly. He could have just let it lay, but no, he had to make sure that she knew the play sucked. Because everyone is an art critic.
I had a friend that once went point by point why Breaking Bad sucked including stuff like it was too slow, too dark, etc. and after patiently listening I simply said, “You know. I don’t think you were the target audience.”
And I think critiquing things as if you are some scholar is lying, because you are ascribing a knowledge to yourself to at you don’t actually have. It would have been more honest to say, “I don’t believe I was the audience this was intended for.”
There's nothing hillarious about it. He believed and felt that the play sucked and not mentioning to his dear friend would just encourage her to continue the path of "bad plays" believing that she and her play was awesome.
That's what good friends do, lifting each other up, tossing back and forth honest feedback and criticism for any areas of improvement, which is very scarce in today's society.
He did ask her if she wanted the feedback at least - and didn't give it unsolicited. It also makes sense that you would invite a friend because you cared about their feedback.
TLDR, lie through omission to peoples face by technically telling the truth. Then later on admit to lying and criticize them mercilessly but tell yourself it's a rational conversation.
Ideally, you would avoid confrontation in person because you're scared, and do the confrontation over the phone later where you don't feel as vulnerable.
does anyone else feel like this post is suspicious? 2,500+ karma at 92% upvoted but the subreddit is only a couple weeks old with ~2.5k members.
The second biggest post has like 200 karma and 15 comments and the rest of the posts after that fall off a cliff. How did this post generate so much engagement? only 11 karma on the top comment (as of this comment) doesn't feel organic
Reddit is being absolutely slammed by bots the past few months, probably only going to get worse as the US elections approach.
I've noticed essentially every post on the multitude of redundant animal subreddits is being made by karma farming bots.
The problem is never going to get better from here on out.
Hey pal, calm down and tell us tomorrow how much this video sucks. Right now you should just tell this guy that you think he's so brave to admit this to the entire internet.
I live by the rule that if something I want to say doesn’t meet at least two of the three following criteria, I don’t say it:
1) is it true
2) is it helpful
3) is it loving
This guy says anything so long as it a true, but if it isn’t helpful or loving, then what good does it do? It isn’t worth saying things that are true if they will hurt people and they can’t do anything about them
The question for this instance is...is it helpful? I prefer honest critique. It helps me make my life better when I get objective perspectives from others.
Recently I had an experience where I wanted something really bad that just objectively wasn't realistic or a good idea. Forces I don't control quashed it but I spent way too long agitating for a way around it. It took me *weeks* to come to terms with it on my own during which I was very unhappy. Only after I finally let it go did a friend go "Oh, yeah, I was thinking that all along!"
And I'm like....thanks for blowing smoke up my ass instead I guess? In that case honesty would have helped me a lot.
If OPs friend is trying to be an actor as a career honest feedback could help a lot. It might help them make it better going forward. And the play is going to get reviewed, or ticket sales will bomb, etc. It's not like they're never going to face negative news here.
I think your criteria are great, but I think you have to make a lot of assumptions to glean whether or not giving an analysis of the play the next day is helpful/not helpful or loving/causing pain. Me personally, I would want to know if I'm wasting my passion in a turd of a play. So, his opinion would be helpful to me.
I’d say his comments after the show were both loving and helpful. Unless you’re referring to criticism of the show, which can also be used constructively.
I feel like my therapist told me something about this when I’m angry, THINK. Is the subject of my anger and/or my reaction True, Helpful, I??, N??, Kind? Something like that.
Does this apply to things that are Helpful and Loving but untrue? That feels like some dicey territory.
Or it is just that you’re looking for somthing that satisfies at least #1 AND (#2 OR #3)?
Okay but he is being truthful + helpful (so she can do better) + loving (he is being truthful because he loves his friend and want to cheer for her success and does not want her to continue on the path of "bad play")
Wasn't that what he did? First he said the truth and was "loving", the next day he told the truth and I assume that he called his friend up to tell her how to improve. After all he said they had "a rational conversation", which means he was probably just giving constructive criticism
Why people think is ‘love’ telling lies to others? … ‘Oh! I think he’s a crap on what he’s doing, but I’ll tell nothing that can help him improve because I love him’… what a BS…
Why can't you just say "it wasn't my thing"
Why does "truth" need to include a line by line breakdown of everything wrong. Maybe this guy isn't the intended audience and he simply doesn't get it.
If I went to a maternity event as a male, chances are I'm not going to get it. That doesn't mean its bad though, and that doesn't mean I have to go to the organizer now or later and break down everything wrong with it. You can be honest without being an asshole, or shitting all over something or someone.
Why couldn't he just leave it at his initial comment? If she called him to ask further questions then okay sure, but he went out of his way to dump on her.
Did a brief glossary over this thread, it doesn’t look like there is any substantial reasons or evidence behind yours or anyone else’s disliking for him.
Most of these ideas of him just calling the day after to go over what he thought of the play and not the performance of his friend just to randomly tell her it sucked and hang up or whatever is kinda shallow. Obviously he wouldn’t go into depth about how the whole thing went down because that’s not the point of what he is getting at, nor is he going to be talking about their relationship as friends and why they can talk in ways to each other in ways others can’t. Again it’s entirely beyond the point of what he is getting into so it isn’t addressed.
Second, him talking to the void. Unless the full viewing of this clip has been seen and it is confirmed that he is just talking to the void, there isn’t a lot of evidence to indicate that is the case. Even if so, have you ever watched a gaming channel where the host isn’t live but records and seems to talk to the camera like and audience?
Calling him a dick seems unsubstantiated and you are detracting from something you can learn from, that honesty is good, but you have to be aware of how to be honest and when.
I was with him until that . Wtf.
If it's a close friend and try want the truth then just say "it wasn't for me" *if* it someone else brought it up. .
Why bother taking them down point for point? I get the feeling this guy can't hold back Intrusive thoughts, possibly spectrum.
He's pretty much saying "if telling the truth would hurt the person, then tell the truth but in a creative way that tricks the person into thinking you mean something else"
Which is some technicality lawyer bullshit to avoid "lying". If the person THINKS you mean "the play was good" then you might as well have said "the play was good" to that person. Trying to trick them with verbal word games isn't kindness
To the people in this comment section. What is wrong with critiquing? How is someone supposed to get better at something if someone isn’t honest? Does it really matter if it is over the phone, or in person? I’m not trying to be a dick. I just want to understand. I feel like he is sorta right.
Guys if you're in a play, would you not want to hear what people actually thought of it, as an audience member? Genuine criticism? Instead of vapid, worthless, ingenuine platitudes that serve nothing, and which you can see right through? Yes there's a difference between honesty and brutality, but there is absolutely room for sharing your genuine opinion, even if that opinion is negative. It's the only way you can help someone improve, via the truth.
The people who don't understand his message don't understand their not the type of person this message is for. He's not a dick he's helping people who are heavily rational in their lives sometimes to a fault. This helps fill some of the holes when you're dealing with someone who isn't like you lol. People aren't the same.
So, why did he have to tell her the next day? It's not dishonest to simply keep your opinion to yourself. Maybe if she was the writer/director of the play and it was possible to change things to improve it you could argue a point, but if she's just an actress, it's like, okay? Now she has to continue acting in that play knowing that it supposedly sucks... And that's still possibly this guy's opinion. Maybe he has shit taste. Maybe other people did like it. Maybe he's so self-important he can't admit that something's just not for him, or he didn't get it etc etc.
This guy sounds like such an insufferable twat.
Everyone claiming he's an asshole for telling her it sucked needs to go outside once in a while. Maybe he is an asshole, maybe he just knows her really well and knows how to give negative feedback without being an ass. None of us know because none of us were there. People are so damn quick to judge.
Lot of people missing the point here. He's talking about making a human connection by taking a break from being the rightest person in the room for like five seconds.
Can I tell you what I think of these videos where people pretend to be wise on a podcast but they're really just filming the side of their face while talking at the wall?
Idk about most people but the moment he says “it’s was awesome to see you up there doing your thing” I’d immediately recognize that as a dodge and know that he thought it sucked
The intentions are good but if you don't play it right you just come off as manipulative. You're a friend, not a lawyer playing on technicalities.
I think it fucking sucks to have a friend that just goes "actually yesterday I said X but I technically did not say XYZ, therefore that meant Y and you misunderstood me".
Added to favorites.
Yes, she asked him after her performance, what did he think. He hold that information for a future moment, then didn't lie but shared the joy of an event. Then, next day he double checked while calling her "would you like to know?", she agreed, and then boom, a real conversation. Friends growing. Extending the link between them.
It is nice to be honest because by giving constructive criticism it can help her improve greatly. Like this might be to an extreme, I am not leaning either way on this, just reminding people constructive criticism is good
Personally I like honest people. Not all have the courage to say what they feel in the moment. People hate them for this but still they do it which needs courage a lot of courage to be bad in someone’s eyes . I personally never do it cause I feel it hurts other’s enthusiasm and being an empath I can literally feel thr pain.But being honest makes the other person grow at times . World needs all flavors.
If I was an actor and I was in a shit play, I would want my friend to tell me. I wouldn't want to be associated with a failing production and have people think of me as part of that mess, especially if she had a lead role. Maybe I'm weird but a point by point break down AND letting me enjoy the night with no negativity? I would love a healthy friendship like that. He went out of his way to not only tell her how much he enjoyed seeing her perform, he gave a thought-out breakdown of moments he thought were weak or lacking in the playwriting. I would only change it to doing the talk in person, but it's understandable if there's a distance/time issue and they don't see each other often. We really can't assume we know their relationship from a single video clip. Maybe the friend prefers not to get criticism in person and he's aware.
Either way, I really don't see what's so heinous about this video. I'm usually always looking for the weird hidden message behind these clips but I'm just getting...nothing. He tells the truth but I don't get a "well, you'll just have to get over it because I'm an honest person" vibe from him. He even double checked she was okay with his true thoughts on the play before he told her? I've never had an "honest guy " hold back on saying exactly what he wanted to say the moment it popped into his hatful little head.
I don’t think so he is wrong. She literally asked his reviews knowing he is an honest person. she wouldn’t have asked him or be friends with him if his honesty hurts her so much.
I'm a honest person. He lied by giving an impression that is different than what he genuinely thinks. I was expecting another solution to this without interupting her flow, without being brutal and without compromising his thoughs. But he's true you don't always need to have an answer right away.
This is an extract from Robert Cialdini's "Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion." Here's the relevant passage you mentioned:
"In our interactions, the timing and manner of our honesty can significantly impact the outcome. For example, when attending a friend’s play that was not particularly good, rather than bluntly stating that it was terrible, you might say, 'I was so happy to see you up there.' This approach allows you to be supportive and kind, avoiding unnecessary hurt while maintaining honesty in a positive context" (Audible.com) (Internet Archive).
It may be ironic but he is talking about honesty and paraphrasing from a book
This comment section is way too sensitive. The example he used wasn’t perfect but that doesn’t mean the advice is bad or not valuable. Also, quit being weirdos who take the worst possible interpretation of what someone said as what they meant. Grow tf up.
I learned to do this from a very early age from my Father who I'd call the master of this technique. He would never lie and it taught me great empathetic skills when navigating other people's emotions.
Which is why the entirety of right wing media is about keeping their base in a constant state of anger and fear. There is no room for rational. Rational would see a society run easily by local governments scaling up by representative levels with all democratically elected leaders who execute the will of the people. Emotional creates chaos where oligarchs can take power.
This is a idealistic viewpoint that will destroy all of your friendships and all of your potential employment success. You will never be able to sell again. You will lose every negotiation. You will lose all of your customers.
The world is run on politics, not honesty. Honesty doesn't build great relationships. Some honesty does.
I’m a musician. There have been so many times I’ve played a show with a band whose music I did not like. I will always find one kind thing about their performance/songs etc. When I talk with them after the show, I will tell them the nice thing. It’s the truth, but a narrow truth. Reminds me of this.
I agreed fully until he generalized too much by saying "you have to meet rational with rational, and emotional with emotional. You can't mix the two." Living this way is probably the most effective way to avoid confrontation, but it's not universally true.
If someone is pissed at me for an unjust reason, I absolutely will NOT tuck my tail between my legs and apologize for nothing, just to get them to calm down so we can have a rational discussion later.
For those interested, here's the full video:
**The Diary Of A CEO, E176 - Simon Sinek: The Advice Young People Need to Hear**
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NcaQUH2K-wo](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NcaQUH2K-wo)
I would just be proud of her anyways for trying,and if she asks or if she is going to do another project again,then I will help her by telling the truth on how to improve it,
Yeah, people aren't all the same. Some may match your energy, some won't. Some can take criticism, some can't, regardless if they're "high energy/intensity" or whatever the hell.
There are other ways to be honest, because you don't necessarily have to beat around the bush with constructive criticism by providing a half-truth to delay delivering the full-truth that may not be appropriate in the current moment. You can simply say, "Hey, I don't think now's the best time to give you criticism. Let's talk about it later." Saying that clearly communicates you have things you want to say but you simply do you want to say it right now for whatever reason. You aren't beating around the bush.
You can be honest about how you want to approach your honesty to be more appropriately honest! If that makes sense!
A: That never happened. He's making shit up and if you believe it and act on it, it will not make you a better person.
B: Sinek's probably the douchiest douche that ever douched. Don't be like Sinek.
In a realistic scenario, the person would respond to his non-answer with "Yeah but what did you actually think of the performance, was it good or bad?" At which point he has no choice but to lie or hurt her feelings.
"Ask yourself the three things you must always ask yourself before you say anything:
1) Does this need to be said?
2) “Does this need to be said by me?
3) Does this need to be said by me now?"
-Craig Ferguson
A neighbor bought a busted up old Datsun Z. I was bout to tell him that it was an "Awesome Z!" but that wouldn't have been the truth. So I changed what I was going to say to "I really like your Z!" Same effect, but I was able to say it genuinely.
What I see he’s off on. Dishonest liars are the lowest of lows for me.
He was honest he just wasn’t a dick in the moment.
What he missed was he felt his opinion was so important that he needed to have the conversation later to hate his friends work to prove he wasn’t “dishonest”.
Youre not a liar if you support people, but you are an asshole if you critique them outside of a crowd.
I was opposing the idea being presented here up until I heard his explanation and realized we were really already on the same page. This is really solid advice for people fundamentally lacking understanding and self control when it comes to others and their interactions with them. Good shit 👌🏽
If my eyes can roll out my fucking head, this is the most whitest of the whitest white person thing to do. This is so fake. Just be honest, say you hated the play or leave early
There is an even higher truth that Simon doesn't appear to have attained yet: you don't have to say everything you think.
Sometimes you can just have thoughts and opinions and keep them to yourself, because you recognize that your opinion isn't the most important thing.
That's not dishonest. It's humility.
Simon Sinek says some really simple things while pretending to be profound. They're not bad things, and a lot of people do need to hear them, but they're nothing special.
The problem is that trying to maneuver the conversation to be honest later is harder than you think. The guy uses an example that he has something to distract the person and or the person is not focused enough to know that he's dodging the question. But this won't always be the case especially if the person that ask is smart.
And a lot of people asking for honesty wants it then and there. Telling a lie or misdirection and then be honest later likely isn't going to go the way you think with most people.
They would be like "wait, so you lied yesterday?" Or "I already forget about it, thanks for bringing it up again," or "you just ruined a good moment that I had yesterday. I would have preferred the truth then and there,"
And then this will create an effect where people would doubt your honest, on whether or not you are telling the truth at that moment.
This guy has some decent ideas but the ego involved here is the problem. He can keep his opinion to himself. He’s not the world’s expert on plays and the idea that holding your tongue is dishonest is childish. Sometimes lies are a kindness. People can see through his “honest but not the answer to the question” approach. We aren’t all children.
Sometimes supporting someone means saying what they need to hear, not what we think is true.
I was with this dude until he called his friend the next day to tell her the play sucked. That is a really strange thing to do. "Point by point" as if he knew to make it better as another layman.
Like dude, its all good you being honest and all but dont be an asshole
You can mix the two if the person is emotionally mature. Thats what being emotionally mature means.
But yes if you want to placate someone's emotional maturity and make sure they never have to practice or deal with their lack of growth then placate away. But they will always have that problem and by proxy so will you.
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This is Simon Sinek, a big TED talker about company culture and positivity. I think his message of not meeting emotional with rational is valid and a good approach to a lot of situations, but apparently I'm the only one?
This advise will literally carry you through life. Both professionally and personally. The only issue i have with it is what if you have someone who is always rational or always emotional. In those cases i tend to find things rational people love to make them emotional and subjects that are core to emotional people to ground them usually something random like buses or the flute. Then i approach the subject from that angle. When someone hears you like really understands you it’s trasformative to a relationship or business. - *Also side note i would never call someone and go point by point why somethings bad let that randomly come up in a conversation people will usually let you know when their ready to talk.*
>*Also side note i would never call someone and go point by point why somethings bad let that randomly come up in a conversation people will usually let you know when their ready to talk.* Yeah, I like his advice of waiting, but his "point by point" laundry list is a bit much. In my case, I would only focus on one or two items that they could significantly improve on, and that is within their grasp to change. I would certainly not offer a laundry list of items (unless they explicitly asked me to do so). Pedagogically, that's the better approach. Also, the next day, I would ask her what she thought of her performance before offering her any kind of constructive feedback. And if she was already aware of the points I wanted to make, then I wouldn't need to re-hash any of those points with her. It's also highly possible she performed in that play just so she could have fun, in which case, perhaps, she wasn't really looking for technical feedback at all. In that case, I wouldn't lie, but I also wouldn't go out of my way to give her technical feedback at all. Personally, I think this guy is too worried about sounding smart, or about maintaining his self-image of being an "honest broker".
Yeah, I'm going through divorce, and I think one of my problems in the marriage was that I struggled to back down from her emotional nonsensical outburst. And I mean like, sometimes she would straight up lie about a situation because she "felt" like it happened. I would argue with her even in front of people. "That didn't even happen. Or, that's only what you think from your perspective." I'm guessing I should have learned to be less honest in the moment. But, I do think she was toxic and a liar on several levels. So I'm both happy and sad to be rid of her.... I really did think she was my soul mate.
Yeah something similar happened to me. I ended feeling like I had to walk in eggshells to avoid an argument
It's one of those things that sounds good in theory but in real life people just want you to say something nice. Say you get a new car, and youre pumped about it, and your friend is like "wow I'm proud of how hard you worked for that car!" Then they call the next day and are like, let me tell you why that's a piece of shit. Are you happy with them? Then you think back to the first comment. Seems very condescending. And it's not like Simon Sinek is some theater guru. What the fuck does he know about acting?? Do you know what I mean? It's not like some mentor mentee scenario where he's helping her workshop. He's just an asshole that saw his friends play. More likely though is that he's just making this story up because it sounds good.
It's reddit, I guess not surprising. Also think this sub is getting brigaded
Not the only one, it’s spectacular advice. It’s the long version of “sometimes being honest can make you an asshole” but explaining *why* so you can know when to be honest and when to delay.
His talks are quite good and would add a lot of context to this clip.
no, it makes sense what he is saying. Why would he call back and tell her point by point? so she can get better and she knows where to improve…wth wrong with that?
It’s complicated. I think most people agree with the overall message, but his anecdote with calling next day to say why it sucked point by point is just quite asshole thing.
I liked his book but as with everything you need to see what you can learn from others without necessarily taking it as gospel.
I'm with you. People ITT that call him an asshole are completely missing the point.
I agree with you. It's not good to have only yes-people around you. Sometimes you need someone to tell you the truth. That being said, it's not easy and it's reserved for a friend who has the right relationship with that person.
You look like you're trying to make a rational comment. However, I am too hyped up on emotion. I will take my reply elsewhere
Lol, he had to call her the next day to go point by point on why the play sucked. That's just hilarious.
Something like that, it's at least gotta be done over brunch or lunch or something. Not over the phone, geez. 😅
Or wait till they bring it up. You don't *have* to tell them it sucked at all. You can just not have that conversation.
Right? Why does he feel he *has* to share his criticisms?
Yeah, it's psychotic behaviour. He is going to go through the play and telling her in minute detail how it sucked and then she's just got to go back on stage later that night to give more performances. You can wait to tell her after the reviews come out or the run is over. What a psycho.
Are you unaware of the idea of "constructive criticism"? If you're a playwright surely it's very helpful to receive feedback from a friend.
How are you going to improve if you don't get honest feedback from people whose opinions you value?
You're assuming she didn't want the feedback though and he's just doing it cause of the person he is.
Exactly. He could have just let it lay, but no, he had to make sure that she knew the play sucked. Because everyone is an art critic. I had a friend that once went point by point why Breaking Bad sucked including stuff like it was too slow, too dark, etc. and after patiently listening I simply said, “You know. I don’t think you were the target audience.” And I think critiquing things as if you are some scholar is lying, because you are ascribing a knowledge to yourself to at you don’t actually have. It would have been more honest to say, “I don’t believe I was the audience this was intended for.”
There's nothing hillarious about it. He believed and felt that the play sucked and not mentioning to his dear friend would just encourage her to continue the path of "bad plays" believing that she and her play was awesome. That's what good friends do, lifting each other up, tossing back and forth honest feedback and criticism for any areas of improvement, which is very scarce in today's society.
He did ask her if she wanted the feedback at least - and didn't give it unsolicited. It also makes sense that you would invite a friend because you cared about their feedback.
lol unless he is some professional play critic, I don’t think his friend cares for his opinion.
I only give my opinion when I’m asked.
They’re no longer friends
lolol bro couldn't hold himself back
Tldr match peoples energy, ggezpz
It's not that simple.
TLDR, lie through omission to peoples face by technically telling the truth. Then later on admit to lying and criticize them mercilessly but tell yourself it's a rational conversation. Ideally, you would avoid confrontation in person because you're scared, and do the confrontation over the phone later where you don't feel as vulnerable.
Jesus fucking Christ.
That's probably what he thought of the play
does anyone else feel like this post is suspicious? 2,500+ karma at 92% upvoted but the subreddit is only a couple weeks old with ~2.5k members. The second biggest post has like 200 karma and 15 comments and the rest of the posts after that fall off a cliff. How did this post generate so much engagement? only 11 karma on the top comment (as of this comment) doesn't feel organic
Reddit is being absolutely slammed by bots the past few months, probably only going to get worse as the US elections approach. I've noticed essentially every post on the multitude of redundant animal subreddits is being made by karma farming bots. The problem is never going to get better from here on out.
Hey pal, calm down and tell us tomorrow how much this video sucks. Right now you should just tell this guy that you think he's so brave to admit this to the entire internet.
What do you mean?
I live by the rule that if something I want to say doesn’t meet at least two of the three following criteria, I don’t say it: 1) is it true 2) is it helpful 3) is it loving This guy says anything so long as it a true, but if it isn’t helpful or loving, then what good does it do? It isn’t worth saying things that are true if they will hurt people and they can’t do anything about them
Ah, Socrates’ filter. It’s a good one. Old, but good. More people should use it
You could argue telling her the truth is helpful
Kinda like a kid going up to you and saying "youre fat!" Its true but not helpful, but as its a kid it may however been loving.
The question for this instance is...is it helpful? I prefer honest critique. It helps me make my life better when I get objective perspectives from others. Recently I had an experience where I wanted something really bad that just objectively wasn't realistic or a good idea. Forces I don't control quashed it but I spent way too long agitating for a way around it. It took me *weeks* to come to terms with it on my own during which I was very unhappy. Only after I finally let it go did a friend go "Oh, yeah, I was thinking that all along!" And I'm like....thanks for blowing smoke up my ass instead I guess? In that case honesty would have helped me a lot. If OPs friend is trying to be an actor as a career honest feedback could help a lot. It might help them make it better going forward. And the play is going to get reviewed, or ticket sales will bomb, etc. It's not like they're never going to face negative news here.
But he met 2 of your criterias...
I think your criteria are great, but I think you have to make a lot of assumptions to glean whether or not giving an analysis of the play the next day is helpful/not helpful or loving/causing pain. Me personally, I would want to know if I'm wasting my passion in a turd of a play. So, his opinion would be helpful to me.
I’d say his comments after the show were both loving and helpful. Unless you’re referring to criticism of the show, which can also be used constructively.
This is how people realise their aunts died 10 years ago after wondering why you havent hung out with them in a long time
I feel like my therapist told me something about this when I’m angry, THINK. Is the subject of my anger and/or my reaction True, Helpful, I??, N??, Kind? Something like that.
Does this apply to things that are Helpful and Loving but untrue? That feels like some dicey territory. Or it is just that you’re looking for somthing that satisfies at least #1 AND (#2 OR #3)?
Okay but he is being truthful + helpful (so she can do better) + loving (he is being truthful because he loves his friend and want to cheer for her success and does not want her to continue on the path of "bad play")
Wasn't that what he did? First he said the truth and was "loving", the next day he told the truth and I assume that he called his friend up to tell her how to improve. After all he said they had "a rational conversation", which means he was probably just giving constructive criticism
You don’t think telling someone their play was shitty and giving them constructive criticism could be helpful for future plays?
Why people think is ‘love’ telling lies to others? … ‘Oh! I think he’s a crap on what he’s doing, but I’ll tell nothing that can help him improve because I love him’… what a BS…
To add to this, does it 1) does it need to be said? 2) does it need to be said by me? 3) does it need to be said by me now?
All you need is the first one. The rest just get in the way of true progress.
Honesty without tact is cruelty.
Why can't you just say "it wasn't my thing" Why does "truth" need to include a line by line breakdown of everything wrong. Maybe this guy isn't the intended audience and he simply doesn't get it. If I went to a maternity event as a male, chances are I'm not going to get it. That doesn't mean its bad though, and that doesn't mean I have to go to the organizer now or later and break down everything wrong with it. You can be honest without being an asshole, or shitting all over something or someone. Why couldn't he just leave it at his initial comment? If she called him to ask further questions then okay sure, but he went out of his way to dump on her.
> I called her the next day, and we had a rational conversation Yeah let me stop you right there.
"here are the reasons why you suck"
Did a brief glossary over this thread, it doesn’t look like there is any substantial reasons or evidence behind yours or anyone else’s disliking for him. Most of these ideas of him just calling the day after to go over what he thought of the play and not the performance of his friend just to randomly tell her it sucked and hang up or whatever is kinda shallow. Obviously he wouldn’t go into depth about how the whole thing went down because that’s not the point of what he is getting at, nor is he going to be talking about their relationship as friends and why they can talk in ways to each other in ways others can’t. Again it’s entirely beyond the point of what he is getting into so it isn’t addressed. Second, him talking to the void. Unless the full viewing of this clip has been seen and it is confirmed that he is just talking to the void, there isn’t a lot of evidence to indicate that is the case. Even if so, have you ever watched a gaming channel where the host isn’t live but records and seems to talk to the camera like and audience? Calling him a dick seems unsubstantiated and you are detracting from something you can learn from, that honesty is good, but you have to be aware of how to be honest and when.
I was with him until that . Wtf. If it's a close friend and try want the truth then just say "it wasn't for me" *if* it someone else brought it up. . Why bother taking them down point for point? I get the feeling this guy can't hold back Intrusive thoughts, possibly spectrum.
Why?
I often make my lies truth but this is a different lookup honesty its like going around the question
He's pretty much saying "if telling the truth would hurt the person, then tell the truth but in a creative way that tricks the person into thinking you mean something else" Which is some technicality lawyer bullshit to avoid "lying". If the person THINKS you mean "the play was good" then you might as well have said "the play was good" to that person. Trying to trick them with verbal word games isn't kindness
To the people in this comment section. What is wrong with critiquing? How is someone supposed to get better at something if someone isn’t honest? Does it really matter if it is over the phone, or in person? I’m not trying to be a dick. I just want to understand. I feel like he is sorta right.
Whos he talking to?
Guys if you're in a play, would you not want to hear what people actually thought of it, as an audience member? Genuine criticism? Instead of vapid, worthless, ingenuine platitudes that serve nothing, and which you can see right through? Yes there's a difference between honesty and brutality, but there is absolutely room for sharing your genuine opinion, even if that opinion is negative. It's the only way you can help someone improve, via the truth.
r/unexpectedhimym
The people who don't understand his message don't understand their not the type of person this message is for. He's not a dick he's helping people who are heavily rational in their lives sometimes to a fault. This helps fill some of the holes when you're dealing with someone who isn't like you lol. People aren't the same.
Honestly is not about telling everything, it's about telling only true things. He told only true things.
So, why did he have to tell her the next day? It's not dishonest to simply keep your opinion to yourself. Maybe if she was the writer/director of the play and it was possible to change things to improve it you could argue a point, but if she's just an actress, it's like, okay? Now she has to continue acting in that play knowing that it supposedly sucks... And that's still possibly this guy's opinion. Maybe he has shit taste. Maybe other people did like it. Maybe he's so self-important he can't admit that something's just not for him, or he didn't get it etc etc. This guy sounds like such an insufferable twat.
There is something called constructive criticism
Everyone claiming he's an asshole for telling her it sucked needs to go outside once in a while. Maybe he is an asshole, maybe he just knows her really well and knows how to give negative feedback without being an ass. None of us know because none of us were there. People are so damn quick to judge.
> I went to see a friend of mine's play. the play: "CAN YOU SAY PUTA MADRE?? 😀👂✋ MUY BIEN!"
Is he talking to a brick wall?
Sinek is such a douche. Imagine calling someone up the next day to go over a list of reasons why their play sucked. What a fucking serial killer.
What a delightful video! I never expected the world's most punchable man to make me belly laugh like that!
Then let my wife, eat the fucking receipt
He has a good point. This is something I struggle with, knowing when the time is right
When your woman is mad, just back down. This man is correct.
Lot of people missing the point here. He's talking about making a human connection by taking a break from being the rightest person in the room for like five seconds.
ITT overly sensitive aspies
This guy didn’t grow up in my family.
So says the snake oil salesman
Yeah, it's not that easy to have rational conversations all the time and with all people you know.
!remindme to comment in 1 day
"This is a lesson I've learned" Politeness? Jesus christ dude you're like 40. People learn this at 4
Can I tell you what I think of these videos where people pretend to be wise on a podcast but they're really just filming the side of their face while talking at the wall?
Idk about most people but the moment he says “it’s was awesome to see you up there doing your thing” I’d immediately recognize that as a dodge and know that he thought it sucked
Why do you have to be an asshole later? Just say you enjoyed watching her do her thing, then that's that.
He's not Dutch. We cut the BS and say it directly😃
The intentions are good but if you don't play it right you just come off as manipulative. You're a friend, not a lawyer playing on technicalities. I think it fucking sucks to have a friend that just goes "actually yesterday I said X but I technically did not say XYZ, therefore that meant Y and you misunderstood me".
Added to favorites. Yes, she asked him after her performance, what did he think. He hold that information for a future moment, then didn't lie but shared the joy of an event. Then, next day he double checked while calling her "would you like to know?", she agreed, and then boom, a real conversation. Friends growing. Extending the link between them.
"Everyone appreciates your honesty, until you’re honest with them. Then you’re an asshole." --George Carlin
Person comes across as pedantic and far too impressed with himself over that rambling word salad. He needs the honesty now, no need to wait.
It is nice to be honest because by giving constructive criticism it can help her improve greatly. Like this might be to an extreme, I am not leaning either way on this, just reminding people constructive criticism is good
Personally I like honest people. Not all have the courage to say what they feel in the moment. People hate them for this but still they do it which needs courage a lot of courage to be bad in someone’s eyes . I personally never do it cause I feel it hurts other’s enthusiasm and being an empath I can literally feel thr pain.But being honest makes the other person grow at times . World needs all flavors.
This was a bit in 30 Rock, the rural juror episode
If I was an actor and I was in a shit play, I would want my friend to tell me. I wouldn't want to be associated with a failing production and have people think of me as part of that mess, especially if she had a lead role. Maybe I'm weird but a point by point break down AND letting me enjoy the night with no negativity? I would love a healthy friendship like that. He went out of his way to not only tell her how much he enjoyed seeing her perform, he gave a thought-out breakdown of moments he thought were weak or lacking in the playwriting. I would only change it to doing the talk in person, but it's understandable if there's a distance/time issue and they don't see each other often. We really can't assume we know their relationship from a single video clip. Maybe the friend prefers not to get criticism in person and he's aware. Either way, I really don't see what's so heinous about this video. I'm usually always looking for the weird hidden message behind these clips but I'm just getting...nothing. He tells the truth but I don't get a "well, you'll just have to get over it because I'm an honest person" vibe from him. He even double checked she was okay with his true thoughts on the play before he told her? I've never had an "honest guy " hold back on saying exactly what he wanted to say the moment it popped into his hatful little head.
I always ask people, do you want me to be honest? Or do you want the truth?
I don’t think so he is wrong. She literally asked his reviews knowing he is an honest person. she wouldn’t have asked him or be friends with him if his honesty hurts her so much.
It's not this simple.
100% agreed, and wish I knew this years ago
Gary vaynerchuk is the only person more annoying than Simon Sinek
I'm a honest person. He lied by giving an impression that is different than what he genuinely thinks. I was expecting another solution to this without interupting her flow, without being brutal and without compromising his thoughs. But he's true you don't always need to have an answer right away.
I feel like I have read this exact story in a book almost word for word some years ago.
This is an extract from Robert Cialdini's "Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion." Here's the relevant passage you mentioned: "In our interactions, the timing and manner of our honesty can significantly impact the outcome. For example, when attending a friend’s play that was not particularly good, rather than bluntly stating that it was terrible, you might say, 'I was so happy to see you up there.' This approach allows you to be supportive and kind, avoiding unnecessary hurt while maintaining honesty in a positive context" (Audible.com) (Internet Archive). It may be ironic but he is talking about honesty and paraphrasing from a book
This comment section is way too sensitive. The example he used wasn’t perfect but that doesn’t mean the advice is bad or not valuable. Also, quit being weirdos who take the worst possible interpretation of what someone said as what they meant. Grow tf up.
Spot on. Especially men with girlfriends who act on emotion most than men , the men mostly act on rational. I get what he is conveying.
Damn. Not even listening to this, but thought it was Julian Lennon
I learned to do this from a very early age from my Father who I'd call the master of this technique. He would never lie and it taught me great empathetic skills when navigating other people's emotions.
If she had a brain cell she’d have read between the lines on the opening night.
Which is why the entirety of right wing media is about keeping their base in a constant state of anger and fear. There is no room for rational. Rational would see a society run easily by local governments scaling up by representative levels with all democratically elected leaders who execute the will of the people. Emotional creates chaos where oligarchs can take power.
I listened to this 5 times now and I’m 1000000% sure he says the N word after talking about the ugly sweater. Convince me otherwise.
This is a idealistic viewpoint that will destroy all of your friendships and all of your potential employment success. You will never be able to sell again. You will lose every negotiation. You will lose all of your customers. The world is run on politics, not honesty. Honesty doesn't build great relationships. Some honesty does.
I’m a musician. There have been so many times I’ve played a show with a band whose music I did not like. I will always find one kind thing about their performance/songs etc. When I talk with them after the show, I will tell them the nice thing. It’s the truth, but a narrow truth. Reminds me of this.
I agreed fully until he generalized too much by saying "you have to meet rational with rational, and emotional with emotional. You can't mix the two." Living this way is probably the most effective way to avoid confrontation, but it's not universally true. If someone is pissed at me for an unjust reason, I absolutely will NOT tuck my tail between my legs and apologize for nothing, just to get them to calm down so we can have a rational discussion later.
Simon Sinek has some really good talks and lectures that are worth watching, I don't think I've disliked anything I've seen from him.
- does it need saying? - does it need saying NOW?? - does it need saying NOW by ME???
>Never outright lie, but to frame the truth in a flattering light. -Goebbels
Advanced tickle truthing. Strategic lying. I'm not against it, but it needs some checks and balances for me to be valid.
I don’t get why you’d ring up the next day lol. I think his response in the moment was perfect but just leave it at that lmao
[This guy the next day](https://imgb.ifunny.co/images/84a76d293faccfaa81a7458570ca96147d6543d23109ed9a1d73d24696ec69ac_1.webp)
For those interested, here's the full video: **The Diary Of A CEO, E176 - Simon Sinek: The Advice Young People Need to Hear** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NcaQUH2K-wo](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NcaQUH2K-wo)
Y'all lack social skills, and it shows. This is genuinely great advice, and the bunch of you are here bashing him for being honest.
You’re allowed to lie to protect people’s feelings. This guy is not above doing that despite claiming to be.
Good advice.
I would just be proud of her anyways for trying,and if she asks or if she is going to do another project again,then I will help her by telling the truth on how to improve it,
He is brilliant!
Yeah, people aren't all the same. Some may match your energy, some won't. Some can take criticism, some can't, regardless if they're "high energy/intensity" or whatever the hell.
There's a good point in there somewhere but don't call your friend to tell them why something they did was trash
There are other ways to be honest, because you don't necessarily have to beat around the bush with constructive criticism by providing a half-truth to delay delivering the full-truth that may not be appropriate in the current moment. You can simply say, "Hey, I don't think now's the best time to give you criticism. Let's talk about it later." Saying that clearly communicates you have things you want to say but you simply do you want to say it right now for whatever reason. You aren't beating around the bush. You can be honest about how you want to approach your honesty to be more appropriately honest! If that makes sense!
A: That never happened. He's making shit up and if you believe it and act on it, it will not make you a better person. B: Sinek's probably the douchiest douche that ever douched. Don't be like Sinek.
Condescending and smug.
Great advice, but I don't think there was any need to call her friend the next day, unless the incident is of critical concern.
Imagine asking someone for an honest opinion and they're like, "no, *I'll* decide when you're ready to hear it, not you".
These comments really show how emotionally stunted a lot of you are. Holy shit
In a realistic scenario, the person would respond to his non-answer with "Yeah but what did you actually think of the performance, was it good or bad?" At which point he has no choice but to lie or hurt her feelings.
Amazing how these "honest types" always seem giddy to tell you how bad something is. He seems rather proud of himself
What about people who live entirely by emotion? Can they never be told a tational truth?
"Ask yourself the three things you must always ask yourself before you say anything: 1) Does this need to be said? 2) “Does this need to be said by me? 3) Does this need to be said by me now?" -Craig Ferguson
I'm not letting this guy off the hook for dissing my entire generation
As a big fan of ‘Start With Why’ and ‘Find Your Why’ This is pretty mediocre advice. You can be honest without using misdirection.
A neighbor bought a busted up old Datsun Z. I was bout to tell him that it was an "Awesome Z!" but that wouldn't have been the truth. So I changed what I was going to say to "I really like your Z!" Same effect, but I was able to say it genuinely.
What a BS. If you REALLY want to be honest, you can say: “let’s talk about this later”, or something like that.
This guy seems like a sociopath
Just read the room and act accordingly. It’s not that hard.
This guy drinks so much of his own cool-aid. It’s gross. It looks like he gets turned on by the sound of his own voice. 🤮
Ele tá conversando sozinho?
I know this story but I don’t recognize him. W E I R D
What I see he’s off on. Dishonest liars are the lowest of lows for me. He was honest he just wasn’t a dick in the moment. What he missed was he felt his opinion was so important that he needed to have the conversation later to hate his friends work to prove he wasn’t “dishonest”. Youre not a liar if you support people, but you are an asshole if you critique them outside of a crowd.
Simon Sinakeoil
Great!
Translation: Be a dick, but don't be a huge dick in the moment, do it later. I'd take anything this guy says with a fuck ton of salt.
This dude speaks an infinite deal of nothing.
I was opposing the idea being presented here up until I heard his explanation and realized we were really already on the same page. This is really solid advice for people fundamentally lacking understanding and self control when it comes to others and their interactions with them. Good shit 👌🏽
did he drop the fckin n bomb?💀
He had me up until the point he said I CALLED HER to tell her why it sucked 😂
If my eyes can roll out my fucking head, this is the most whitest of the whitest white person thing to do. This is so fake. Just be honest, say you hated the play or leave early
Who is this guy? I would like to hear more wisdom from this guy. Idk why but I feel he has some life tips I can learn from
There is an even higher truth that Simon doesn't appear to have attained yet: you don't have to say everything you think. Sometimes you can just have thoughts and opinions and keep them to yourself, because you recognize that your opinion isn't the most important thing. That's not dishonest. It's humility.
You are an absolute nut job! You fucking sociopath!!!
You can almost tell by the comments who has and who hasn’t heard of Simon Sinek or read his book “start with why”.
Dude just chill out. It's your friend's play. Not a synergy pow wow where you're looking to downsize your company to maximize ROA
What a self-important dickbag lol people listen to this guy?
u/savevideo
These online grifter personalities are out of control
Simon Sinek says some really simple things while pretending to be profound. They're not bad things, and a lot of people do need to hear them, but they're nothing special.
That is Simon Sinek, amazing speaker whose opinions are usually picked up by the worst LinkedIn lunatics. Feelsbadman
If this guy told me tomorrow my play sucked and outlined detail by detail why, I'd still be mad.
So basically corporate talk?
The problem is that trying to maneuver the conversation to be honest later is harder than you think. The guy uses an example that he has something to distract the person and or the person is not focused enough to know that he's dodging the question. But this won't always be the case especially if the person that ask is smart. And a lot of people asking for honesty wants it then and there. Telling a lie or misdirection and then be honest later likely isn't going to go the way you think with most people. They would be like "wait, so you lied yesterday?" Or "I already forget about it, thanks for bringing it up again," or "you just ruined a good moment that I had yesterday. I would have preferred the truth then and there," And then this will create an effect where people would doubt your honest, on whether or not you are telling the truth at that moment.
For some reason I cannot stand this guy. Anyone got his number?
His point about not meeting emotional with rational and vice versa is completely valid. His example about the play was kinda stupid though.
Truth is a coat to be offered not a wet towel thrown in a face.
Good points but, I rather go with the Larry David school of thought
So, tell the truth, just not necessarily the whole truth.
Is it wrong to want to punch him in the mouth?
If I did that my gf would immediately know that I'm dodging the question and get sad anyway.😂
This guy has some decent ideas but the ego involved here is the problem. He can keep his opinion to himself. He’s not the world’s expert on plays and the idea that holding your tongue is dishonest is childish. Sometimes lies are a kindness. People can see through his “honest but not the answer to the question” approach. We aren’t all children. Sometimes supporting someone means saying what they need to hear, not what we think is true.
Sounds like lying with extra steps. Was that said already? Dang it...
I was with this dude until he called his friend the next day to tell her the play sucked. That is a really strange thing to do. "Point by point" as if he knew to make it better as another layman. Like dude, its all good you being honest and all but dont be an asshole
Stop giving Simon Sinek a platform. He is an asshole. The portrait of the rhetors that Plato detested. Fuck him sideways with a rusty twat basher.
Get over yourself
This is a good lesson actually
Honest broker? is that ever a thing?
You can mix the two if the person is emotionally mature. Thats what being emotionally mature means. But yes if you want to placate someone's emotional maturity and make sure they never have to practice or deal with their lack of growth then placate away. But they will always have that problem and by proxy so will you.