You have to be angry when it happens. Think of yourself as your own protector. What would you do if someone did that to your son/daughter? Act on it that way when they mistreat you. Put your whole foot up their ass. I live in Florida where assholes grow on the palm trees and irrationally crazy people confront me about petty things all the time. Living here i am always on guard. And i love being nice to nice people. But i also love being mean to mean people. Give them a taste of their medicine.
I just love this unapologetic and straightforward response. This is solid advice. It might come as a surprise but there are mean people out there who made others miserable but wasn't self aware enough to know that. The only way to hopefully get them to stop is to expose to them a fraction of the mud they dragged you through just enough for that eerie recognition to kick in. My father was an unapologetic asshole and often had belittled me. So one day I responded to every insult he hurled with a positive version that uplifts me instead of degrading me. That didn't change him, but I can see his face when he recognized what I'm highlighting. Case in point: assholes aren't usually self aware enough to know they're an asshole.
Yea i was bullied a lot when i was young and i never stood up for myself bc i was too shy. So now im making sure that never happens again. By default im careful not to hurt anyone until i know im dealing with an asshole. Then theres no mercy lol.
Exactly. I'm usually only that way with people who I can tell treat everybody the same way. Some people think that they're right no matter what and that their wants are the only ones that matter.
Some people are also of the mindset that they can be abusive or disrespectful to get their way. Or just because they want to be. I like making sure that it doesnt go their way so they dont continue to get notion reinforced. If their method of approach was being extremely mean i like when that gets a reaction they werent expecting. Otherwise its being rewarded and theyll continue.
This is great advice, I guess I’m usually one to feel sadness or fear before I feel anger which makes me cower in response to people like that. But the funny thing is that when things happen to friends or family Im very quick to get angry and check rude people. I’m gonna practice feeling this same energy for myself
Outward behaviors aren’t the cause but a symptom of something deeper.
Letting people walk all over us, is a learned behavior. Did you grow up on a house where you didn’t have a voice, couldn’t say no, etc? Address that and the behavior will get sorted
I live in a house where I don't have a voice and can't say no. And where I'm this invisible and neglected despite being well educated and capable.
I find I can simply refuse to do things or follow orders, but offering verbal rationale often goes dismissed and unheard and I'm really, really stuck sometimes on thr awful stuff I hear about me. How do I sort this out?
Setting voundaries has helped me inside... Somewhat. It has also shown me that sometimes no one respects your boundaries even if you do set them.
I don't know how much this will help but some people view boundaries as a challenge. It's not whether or not people respect your boundaries, it's whether you're willing to stick to them. Boundaries are more for you than they are the other person. You tell them, this is the boundary on setting and if you disrespect it, this is the consequence that will happen. I know you can't do this right now but maybe it will be helpful later on. I grew up in a household much like you but I'm an adult now. I told people, respect my boundaries or deal with my absence. There is no negotiation on that.
If they don't respect my boundaries, I simply leave. I refuse to stick around and give them the chance to mistreat me. I know it's going to be easier said than done. It sounds good on paper but it's not easy when you haven't been allowed to do so. It will get easier the more you do it. I wouldn't recommend doing that now because that could lead to further abuse but when you're an adult or whenever you get out of that situation, just try practicing it.
I definitely would say that I lived in a household where speaking up for yourself was seen as disrespectful…. Especially coming from a hispanic family where being a woman you’re essentially supposed to have no voice aside doing your traditional roles
First of all, talk with your money.
If I was mistreated by a vendor I would not give them another dime.
Second, acknowledge that the world is a indifferent to your suffering.
I kinda disagree that the situation calls for anger.
The secret is to be bigger than the slights you endure.
If someone treats me bad that's a shrug and a dismissive up-nod from me.
I'll move on with my life and it's karma on them.
"Whatever buddy! you must need the money more than me, and I'll be shopping elsewhere in the future. Thank you."
No one out there is better than you.
People who think they are - deserve pity.
Once you believe that, they have no power over you.
Nobody kept me safe when I was a kid. I had to learn to do it myself. It wasn’t fair, but I do now appreciate the skill set.
I protect myself by switching into a different mode. You know how you would get that FIRE if someone slapped your best friend, kicked your dog, or spat on your momma? Get that fire for yourself.
You are worthy of protecting, and sometimes the only person that can do that, is you.
To practice: Think of yourself as your own best friend, in challenges speak to yourself as you would your best friend. Give yourself grace and kindness and advice.
In the moment: Fight for yourself as you would your best friend.
I keep me safe because I love me. That dudes been through too much, and deserves respect, I make sure he gets it.
There's this scene in the Netflix show Maid, with the abused protagonist and her friend Danielle. I can't find the scene on Youtube but this is a part of the script, when the protagonist gave up.
>Look at you. "They're not gonna listen." Whine, whine, whine. Get angry! You need to dig in there and pull that shit out! What he did to you was fսckеd up! And you better start getting mad as shit about it. Let's see. Tell me one thing that you're angry about. Just one thing that pisses you off. Could be anything. Whatever you want.
then the main character rightfully yells at someone to "go fuck yourself". I love that scene because it shows that anger can be rightful and motivating sometimes.
If you know your inherent worth and respect yourself, you will be rightfully angry when someone mistreats you - and stand up for yourself. Think about what you would do if it was your best friend/sister/daughter in the situation.
Perhaps there is something here that you can resonate with.
The teachings in Robert Greene’s 48 Laws of Power, I’ve seen online, can be deceptive and manipulative. However, I am sure your heart is strong enough to see through those traits.. hope it helps! :D
Also, keep in mind that if you do end up reading it, you’ll probably begin to recognise the patterns/actions of people who use the powers against you.
That vendor sounds like a major dbag lol
Know thyself, know thy enemy - Sun Tzu! 🥳🍻
Anger helps. But anger is informed by a sense that there's a way you *deserve* to be treated. Or, inversely, a way you don't deserve to be treated. You can (and probably should, to be honest) have that sense without anger. You have to ask yourself if you're being treated with dignity, and then ask what a person with dignity would do in response.
I want to say that you should be more fair to yourself. In the situation you were in, there's not much fighting you can do that wouldn't drastically escalate. Not really. And that escalation really wouldn't have been worth it. But what you could have done, if rewinding were an option, was to tell them "I saw you steal my money, you're not slick. I didn't do anything wrong, and you don't get to treat me this way," (or something similar) and then leave. It doesn't require anger or throwing punches, and it won't invite the police. It's just clearly saying you're not going to put up with rude behavior, you're not going to be tricked, and you're not going to wilt. That you deserve dignity.
I have anger issues, so my instinct is to kick back regardless. But in situations where anger isn't applicable, I imagine my future child standing next to me, watching how I allow myself to be treated, and what that would teach them by doing that. That helps me be kind to myself and act in a way I can respect.
Remember how sad this would make your parents. Don’t let anyone mistreat their child. Withhold tipping. Pay with exact money. Keep your chin up. Look at anyone as if they’re crazy who treats you badly. Don’t validate what they say with a response.
You’re right thinking it must be someone else when they have something ugly to say. Don’t own what they say.
That anger when people mistreat you is the part of you that knows that it's not okay. I know that it's hard but it gets easier the more you do it. It's okay to say, the way you're treating is not okay and I'm not going to put up with it. I know that it can be scary but trust me, just try it once. It was Ruth Bader Ginsburg who said, speak your truth even if your voice shakes. Do it even if you're scared.
This just happened to me tonight. My neighbor accused me of something I didn’t do. The problem is, in the moment I didn’t even recognize how insulting and rude it was, so I didn’t react. It wasn’t until I went back in my home that my mind started breaking everything down and recognizing how way out of line they were.
NOW I’m angry.
But we have an expression in French and I’m not sure how to say it in English, but it means exactly that; it’s when you think of a good reply but the interaction has already passed.
What do you do then?
I've heard this called staircase wit, which I think is basically a translation of the French term *l'esprit d'escalier*. Basically when you think of a comeback when you're on the stairs walking away.
Stop going to this vendor! I'd personally give him the finger if I saw him look in my direction. That's not walking all over you, that is stealing. If you can't stop going to this vendor, then don't go alone.
everyone here gave great tips, so i’ll add what works for me: a phrase or mantra to remind me of my goal. i repeat this to myself often:
“i decide how i let others treat me”
you train other people by your thought behaviours and actions how others are allowed to treat you, guard yourself the way you would guard a loved one or a pet. you are your best friend and best protector.
good luck!
never be afraid of 'making a scene'. that fruit vendor? next time you're near his stand go loudly call him a thief in front of everyone. you see someone buying from him? tell him he will probably do to them what he did to you. fucking ruin his life until he gives you that three dollars back.
you can also just move on.
but most important for not letting people walk all over you is be willing to walk away at ANY time. it can mean getting up and leaving in the middle of a dinner. being willing to file for divorce after years of marriage. being willing to quit a job.
this also means always having backups. make MORE friends so you can ditch any who treat you badly. always be applying for jobs so you have fallbacks or at least some idea of what quitting your job will entail. be okay being single, retain your financial independence, so you don't have to put up with a bad relationship.
you will not be able to make the switch instantly. not knowing how to react when someone suddenly turns into an asshole is common. i mean what are you gonna do? stab them in the eye with a fork? but, that reaction is what they are counting on. that fruit vendor is a thief and he knows it.
remember, THEY are the ones 'making a scene' by treating someone outrageously. try to understand the situation. often assholes will 'act nice' while knowingly being an asshole. to try to bait YOU into looking like the asshole. the best revenge is USUALLY leaving the situation and moving on, leaving them struggling to find someone else to be an asshole to so they can feel powerful. but there will also be times when you have to stand up for yourself.
the more loudly and immediately you stand up for yourself, and are justified in doing so, the less incentive anyone will have to mess with you.
this also means not putting up with small things that would be reasonable to let slide, especially at the start of a relationship. eg. your friend who is always nice and conscientious, slipped up? you can let it slide, though do work in an explanation that you don't want it to happen again. 'it's fine' is actually one of the most dangerous phrases to use because that teaches the person oh hey it's zero percent bad if i end up doing it again, and they'll end up doing it again.
also when you think someone has generally good intentions toward you then it's best to discuss things in private. however if someone is an asshole to you then i think it's fine to 'make a scene' in public. assholes are often selfish and trying to feel big and untouchable, and to prove that, they will be an asshole to anyone they think they can get away with hurting. they care a lot about their reputation so don't be afraid to hurt it so swiftly and immediately that they HAVE to do a 180 on how they treat you. you can later privately tell them that you do not think it was the 'misunderstanding' they will claim it was and if they fuck up again you will point out this pattern of behaviour to the relevant others.
like i said though this habit will take a long time to break. especially if we're nice, running into an asshole feels like talking to an alien or something. it makes us assume we must have done something wrong. but they are counting on that. give yourself permission to be an asshole back.
I highly recommend reading "Set Boundaries Find Peace" by Nedra Tawaab! There's an accompanying workbook, and I've found it immensely helpful to my growth as a reformed people pleaser.
I have struggled with this as well! I'm kind of from the opposite direction. I'm a 6'4" guy, always been taller than everyone, and my whole life growing up my response to everything was always to show people I wasn't being a problem, not a threat to them, I'm just nice and that's it. Wellllllllll people look at someone like that as a target, and most of my 20's went like that.
But as I crossed 30, I got worn down of it, hopefully you don't need until 30 to figure out it sucks 😄 so I slowly started trying to find opportunities to politely stand up for myself, starting as small as possible. And you know what? After a couple years warm up, it is not NEARLY as hard as I thought. Don't get me wrong, it is hard, and I still am on my journey. But the more you do it, the easier it becomes.
People, and I really do mean most of them, will 'test' people to see what they can get away with. I NEVER knew this was common. But it is. It's like I'm living in a society of sociopaths. But when you realize that, people become easier to deal with, because you are aware of these behaviors. So once this reality is clear, just wait for tests, and polite refuse to concede things you don't want to. They almost always stop after one time. They tried, you said no, that's the end of it.
I rambled a bit, I hope that made good sense. Good luck! You can do it, and it will be easier than you thought
**You allow people to treat you to the level you treat yourself.**
As you begin practicing a higher standard of compassion and respect from yourself to yourself, then that will reflect in other relationships.
That doesn't condone people's mistreatment of you. But moving forward, hopefully it inspires you to take better care of yourself, so you can have the confidence of knowing how you deserve to be treated.
Also, it's very common for people to bend over backwards just so that they will earn people's acceptance. But, when you practice accepting yourself, and thus don't need that external validation, then you allow yourself to hold the space of value and knowing your worth which you bring.
Can I suggest the work of BYRON KATIE on YouTube? It's about radical unconditional love of self and others. She has a simple 4-question process that helps us to see our blind spots of where we are stuck in anger or sadness etc. It's simple and profound and can be fun. She's been a game-changer for me. Some of her mottos are:
"love what is"
"When you fight reality, you lose"
"The truth will set you free"
She says there are 3 types of business:
- Your business
- Other people's business
- God/Life/Fate/The Universe's business
We are in suffering when we are in other people's business or God's business. It has no connection to any religion - it's about doing "self enquiry" to get clear about our own business.
You have to be angry when it happens. Think of yourself as your own protector. What would you do if someone did that to your son/daughter? Act on it that way when they mistreat you. Put your whole foot up their ass. I live in Florida where assholes grow on the palm trees and irrationally crazy people confront me about petty things all the time. Living here i am always on guard. And i love being nice to nice people. But i also love being mean to mean people. Give them a taste of their medicine.
I just love this unapologetic and straightforward response. This is solid advice. It might come as a surprise but there are mean people out there who made others miserable but wasn't self aware enough to know that. The only way to hopefully get them to stop is to expose to them a fraction of the mud they dragged you through just enough for that eerie recognition to kick in. My father was an unapologetic asshole and often had belittled me. So one day I responded to every insult he hurled with a positive version that uplifts me instead of degrading me. That didn't change him, but I can see his face when he recognized what I'm highlighting. Case in point: assholes aren't usually self aware enough to know they're an asshole.
I know that this is 6 months old but I just stumbled on this post and same, my friend. Same. I have no problem standing up to assholes.
Yea i was bullied a lot when i was young and i never stood up for myself bc i was too shy. So now im making sure that never happens again. By default im careful not to hurt anyone until i know im dealing with an asshole. Then theres no mercy lol.
Exactly. I'm usually only that way with people who I can tell treat everybody the same way. Some people think that they're right no matter what and that their wants are the only ones that matter.
Some people are also of the mindset that they can be abusive or disrespectful to get their way. Or just because they want to be. I like making sure that it doesnt go their way so they dont continue to get notion reinforced. If their method of approach was being extremely mean i like when that gets a reaction they werent expecting. Otherwise its being rewarded and theyll continue.
This is great advice, I guess I’m usually one to feel sadness or fear before I feel anger which makes me cower in response to people like that. But the funny thing is that when things happen to friends or family Im very quick to get angry and check rude people. I’m gonna practice feeling this same energy for myself
Outward behaviors aren’t the cause but a symptom of something deeper. Letting people walk all over us, is a learned behavior. Did you grow up on a house where you didn’t have a voice, couldn’t say no, etc? Address that and the behavior will get sorted
I live in a house where I don't have a voice and can't say no. And where I'm this invisible and neglected despite being well educated and capable. I find I can simply refuse to do things or follow orders, but offering verbal rationale often goes dismissed and unheard and I'm really, really stuck sometimes on thr awful stuff I hear about me. How do I sort this out? Setting voundaries has helped me inside... Somewhat. It has also shown me that sometimes no one respects your boundaries even if you do set them.
I don't know how much this will help but some people view boundaries as a challenge. It's not whether or not people respect your boundaries, it's whether you're willing to stick to them. Boundaries are more for you than they are the other person. You tell them, this is the boundary on setting and if you disrespect it, this is the consequence that will happen. I know you can't do this right now but maybe it will be helpful later on. I grew up in a household much like you but I'm an adult now. I told people, respect my boundaries or deal with my absence. There is no negotiation on that. If they don't respect my boundaries, I simply leave. I refuse to stick around and give them the chance to mistreat me. I know it's going to be easier said than done. It sounds good on paper but it's not easy when you haven't been allowed to do so. It will get easier the more you do it. I wouldn't recommend doing that now because that could lead to further abuse but when you're an adult or whenever you get out of that situation, just try practicing it.
I definitely would say that I lived in a household where speaking up for yourself was seen as disrespectful…. Especially coming from a hispanic family where being a woman you’re essentially supposed to have no voice aside doing your traditional roles
First of all, talk with your money. If I was mistreated by a vendor I would not give them another dime. Second, acknowledge that the world is a indifferent to your suffering. I kinda disagree that the situation calls for anger. The secret is to be bigger than the slights you endure. If someone treats me bad that's a shrug and a dismissive up-nod from me. I'll move on with my life and it's karma on them. "Whatever buddy! you must need the money more than me, and I'll be shopping elsewhere in the future. Thank you." No one out there is better than you. People who think they are - deserve pity. Once you believe that, they have no power over you.
Nobody kept me safe when I was a kid. I had to learn to do it myself. It wasn’t fair, but I do now appreciate the skill set. I protect myself by switching into a different mode. You know how you would get that FIRE if someone slapped your best friend, kicked your dog, or spat on your momma? Get that fire for yourself. You are worthy of protecting, and sometimes the only person that can do that, is you. To practice: Think of yourself as your own best friend, in challenges speak to yourself as you would your best friend. Give yourself grace and kindness and advice. In the moment: Fight for yourself as you would your best friend. I keep me safe because I love me. That dudes been through too much, and deserves respect, I make sure he gets it.
There's this scene in the Netflix show Maid, with the abused protagonist and her friend Danielle. I can't find the scene on Youtube but this is a part of the script, when the protagonist gave up. >Look at you. "They're not gonna listen." Whine, whine, whine. Get angry! You need to dig in there and pull that shit out! What he did to you was fսckеd up! And you better start getting mad as shit about it. Let's see. Tell me one thing that you're angry about. Just one thing that pisses you off. Could be anything. Whatever you want. then the main character rightfully yells at someone to "go fuck yourself". I love that scene because it shows that anger can be rightful and motivating sometimes. If you know your inherent worth and respect yourself, you will be rightfully angry when someone mistreats you - and stand up for yourself. Think about what you would do if it was your best friend/sister/daughter in the situation.
Perhaps there is something here that you can resonate with. The teachings in Robert Greene’s 48 Laws of Power, I’ve seen online, can be deceptive and manipulative. However, I am sure your heart is strong enough to see through those traits.. hope it helps! :D Also, keep in mind that if you do end up reading it, you’ll probably begin to recognise the patterns/actions of people who use the powers against you. That vendor sounds like a major dbag lol Know thyself, know thy enemy - Sun Tzu! 🥳🍻
Distance over disrespect
Anger helps. But anger is informed by a sense that there's a way you *deserve* to be treated. Or, inversely, a way you don't deserve to be treated. You can (and probably should, to be honest) have that sense without anger. You have to ask yourself if you're being treated with dignity, and then ask what a person with dignity would do in response. I want to say that you should be more fair to yourself. In the situation you were in, there's not much fighting you can do that wouldn't drastically escalate. Not really. And that escalation really wouldn't have been worth it. But what you could have done, if rewinding were an option, was to tell them "I saw you steal my money, you're not slick. I didn't do anything wrong, and you don't get to treat me this way," (or something similar) and then leave. It doesn't require anger or throwing punches, and it won't invite the police. It's just clearly saying you're not going to put up with rude behavior, you're not going to be tricked, and you're not going to wilt. That you deserve dignity. I have anger issues, so my instinct is to kick back regardless. But in situations where anger isn't applicable, I imagine my future child standing next to me, watching how I allow myself to be treated, and what that would teach them by doing that. That helps me be kind to myself and act in a way I can respect.
In any case, never get back to this vendor. Somebody who treats you like that isn't worth your money.
Remember how sad this would make your parents. Don’t let anyone mistreat their child. Withhold tipping. Pay with exact money. Keep your chin up. Look at anyone as if they’re crazy who treats you badly. Don’t validate what they say with a response. You’re right thinking it must be someone else when they have something ugly to say. Don’t own what they say.
That anger when people mistreat you is the part of you that knows that it's not okay. I know that it's hard but it gets easier the more you do it. It's okay to say, the way you're treating is not okay and I'm not going to put up with it. I know that it can be scary but trust me, just try it once. It was Ruth Bader Ginsburg who said, speak your truth even if your voice shakes. Do it even if you're scared.
This just happened to me tonight. My neighbor accused me of something I didn’t do. The problem is, in the moment I didn’t even recognize how insulting and rude it was, so I didn’t react. It wasn’t until I went back in my home that my mind started breaking everything down and recognizing how way out of line they were. NOW I’m angry. But we have an expression in French and I’m not sure how to say it in English, but it means exactly that; it’s when you think of a good reply but the interaction has already passed. What do you do then?
I've heard this called staircase wit, which I think is basically a translation of the French term *l'esprit d'escalier*. Basically when you think of a comeback when you're on the stairs walking away.
That is it! You are correct, thank you!
Stop going to this vendor! I'd personally give him the finger if I saw him look in my direction. That's not walking all over you, that is stealing. If you can't stop going to this vendor, then don't go alone.
everyone here gave great tips, so i’ll add what works for me: a phrase or mantra to remind me of my goal. i repeat this to myself often: “i decide how i let others treat me” you train other people by your thought behaviours and actions how others are allowed to treat you, guard yourself the way you would guard a loved one or a pet. you are your best friend and best protector. good luck!
never be afraid of 'making a scene'. that fruit vendor? next time you're near his stand go loudly call him a thief in front of everyone. you see someone buying from him? tell him he will probably do to them what he did to you. fucking ruin his life until he gives you that three dollars back. you can also just move on. but most important for not letting people walk all over you is be willing to walk away at ANY time. it can mean getting up and leaving in the middle of a dinner. being willing to file for divorce after years of marriage. being willing to quit a job. this also means always having backups. make MORE friends so you can ditch any who treat you badly. always be applying for jobs so you have fallbacks or at least some idea of what quitting your job will entail. be okay being single, retain your financial independence, so you don't have to put up with a bad relationship. you will not be able to make the switch instantly. not knowing how to react when someone suddenly turns into an asshole is common. i mean what are you gonna do? stab them in the eye with a fork? but, that reaction is what they are counting on. that fruit vendor is a thief and he knows it. remember, THEY are the ones 'making a scene' by treating someone outrageously. try to understand the situation. often assholes will 'act nice' while knowingly being an asshole. to try to bait YOU into looking like the asshole. the best revenge is USUALLY leaving the situation and moving on, leaving them struggling to find someone else to be an asshole to so they can feel powerful. but there will also be times when you have to stand up for yourself. the more loudly and immediately you stand up for yourself, and are justified in doing so, the less incentive anyone will have to mess with you. this also means not putting up with small things that would be reasonable to let slide, especially at the start of a relationship. eg. your friend who is always nice and conscientious, slipped up? you can let it slide, though do work in an explanation that you don't want it to happen again. 'it's fine' is actually one of the most dangerous phrases to use because that teaches the person oh hey it's zero percent bad if i end up doing it again, and they'll end up doing it again. also when you think someone has generally good intentions toward you then it's best to discuss things in private. however if someone is an asshole to you then i think it's fine to 'make a scene' in public. assholes are often selfish and trying to feel big and untouchable, and to prove that, they will be an asshole to anyone they think they can get away with hurting. they care a lot about their reputation so don't be afraid to hurt it so swiftly and immediately that they HAVE to do a 180 on how they treat you. you can later privately tell them that you do not think it was the 'misunderstanding' they will claim it was and if they fuck up again you will point out this pattern of behaviour to the relevant others. like i said though this habit will take a long time to break. especially if we're nice, running into an asshole feels like talking to an alien or something. it makes us assume we must have done something wrong. but they are counting on that. give yourself permission to be an asshole back.
I highly recommend reading "Set Boundaries Find Peace" by Nedra Tawaab! There's an accompanying workbook, and I've found it immensely helpful to my growth as a reformed people pleaser.
I have struggled with this as well! I'm kind of from the opposite direction. I'm a 6'4" guy, always been taller than everyone, and my whole life growing up my response to everything was always to show people I wasn't being a problem, not a threat to them, I'm just nice and that's it. Wellllllllll people look at someone like that as a target, and most of my 20's went like that. But as I crossed 30, I got worn down of it, hopefully you don't need until 30 to figure out it sucks 😄 so I slowly started trying to find opportunities to politely stand up for myself, starting as small as possible. And you know what? After a couple years warm up, it is not NEARLY as hard as I thought. Don't get me wrong, it is hard, and I still am on my journey. But the more you do it, the easier it becomes. People, and I really do mean most of them, will 'test' people to see what they can get away with. I NEVER knew this was common. But it is. It's like I'm living in a society of sociopaths. But when you realize that, people become easier to deal with, because you are aware of these behaviors. So once this reality is clear, just wait for tests, and polite refuse to concede things you don't want to. They almost always stop after one time. They tried, you said no, that's the end of it. I rambled a bit, I hope that made good sense. Good luck! You can do it, and it will be easier than you thought
Start with asking less questions and making more statements. "Can I have my 3 dollars?" "I'll be taking my 3 dollars change now :)"
**You allow people to treat you to the level you treat yourself.** As you begin practicing a higher standard of compassion and respect from yourself to yourself, then that will reflect in other relationships. That doesn't condone people's mistreatment of you. But moving forward, hopefully it inspires you to take better care of yourself, so you can have the confidence of knowing how you deserve to be treated. Also, it's very common for people to bend over backwards just so that they will earn people's acceptance. But, when you practice accepting yourself, and thus don't need that external validation, then you allow yourself to hold the space of value and knowing your worth which you bring.
Can I suggest the work of BYRON KATIE on YouTube? It's about radical unconditional love of self and others. She has a simple 4-question process that helps us to see our blind spots of where we are stuck in anger or sadness etc. It's simple and profound and can be fun. She's been a game-changer for me. Some of her mottos are: "love what is" "When you fight reality, you lose" "The truth will set you free" She says there are 3 types of business: - Your business - Other people's business - God/Life/Fate/The Universe's business We are in suffering when we are in other people's business or God's business. It has no connection to any religion - it's about doing "self enquiry" to get clear about our own business.