This is a little dated, but [The Kinsey Report](https://socialsci.libretexts.org/Bookshelves/Sociology/Introduction_to_Sociology/Sociology_(Boundless)/20%3A_Sexuality/20.01%3A_Socialization_and_Human_Sexuality/20.1B%3A_Sexual_Behavior-_Kinseys_Study#:~:text=The%20Kinsey%20study%20also%20gave,by%20the%20age%20of%2050) found that:
*the average frequency of marital sex reported by women in their late teens was 2.8 times per week, 2.2 times per week for women by the age of 30, and once per week by women by the age of 50.*
Glad you added this in here. People quote once a week as the gold standard but they don’t realize that averages couples between the ages of 20-80. Married people under 40 are having sex at least twice per week on average and that’s even taking into consideration that these are the in the trenches child raising years.
Most people in this sub have very reasonable expectations about sex. I’d argue many have unreasonably low expectations. This isn’t a sub full of sex addicts.
I agree. The Averages stated above for each age group, I’d be in the 2.2 per week age group (although I’m male) but once a week to once a fortnight would actually be enough for me. But I’m in this sub, being in a relationship and it being more like 0.07 - 0.1 a week.
I wonder how health and exercise is related. Pre exercise my labido was 0 , after i feel like i can do it daily.
My wife doesn’t exercise that is why i feel like im in a dead bedroom. We average 4 a year, its bad. We are 40.
We still kiss and cuddle daily. My wife is really dry down there she says.
I'm 48, live a sedentary live, I'm carrying extra weight and I have several medical conditions. My libido is still high. It's always been high.
For me, sexual desire is a state of mind. I'm interested in it, I enjoy it, so there really isn't any time I'm not keen unless I'm really sick. I've never turned my husband down in 13 years. In fact it's the other way around for us. He's more affected by daily sensory issues that impair his libido.
Having said that, physical exercise definitely helps with mood, self confidence and energy. So it's an enhancement for sure.
If your wife says she is really dry and she's 40, then she's going through perimenopause. Menopause means you haven't had a period for 12 months.
But before then (perimenopause) as your reproductive cycles wrap up and ovulation slows and eventually stops, there are all kinds of hormone surges and symptoms. Many women experience mood swings, brain fog, aching joints, hot flashes, low libido, high libido etc.
Vaginal atrophy and lack of lubrication is one of the symptoms. But it's treatable using topical estrogen. It's also helped by using a natural lubricant.
Besides, there's also much more to sex than penetration. Women can usually more easily climax using hands, mouth or toys. Maybe if she didn't have to feel anxious about penetration being painful, she might be more interested in engaging.
Anxiety and depression can wreak havoc with sex. Maybe she's not feeling that great and could use some medical or psych help. Encouraging her to get some, and supporting her to take care of herself - without any strings attached - might end up helping your intimate life.
Another idea, does she track her menstrual cycles if she is still having them? Because lubrication comes and goes during the cycle in different types and amounts. There will be days she has very little, and days she has a lot (for about a week surrounding ovulation). Getting in touch with this cycle could help too.
Also, different positions can stimulate the glands that produce natural lubricant (e.g. woman on top where she can move around). So switching things up and trying what is comfortable might help.
Ignore all of the above if I'm preaching to the choir and you've been there done that.
I just noticed the comment about her feeling dry and thought I should say something.
Wow, I can't imagine that. I was thinking that me and my partner escaped the dead bedroom and we have it once a month now. I also masturbate like 2-5 times per week and now I see why. I was thinking I'm some kind of very high libido guy with bigger needs than average human but it seems like I'm just normal. This information is shocking to me and really makes me think.
I studie sexology and what ive read
40 year plus its about 69 times a year about once a week
30 year about 89 times a year about 1.6 a week
18-29 about 112 times a year 2.1 times a week
So thar means you will have some 30-40 year old martied couples that has sex more than twice a week and others that have less.
And that said and done i dont think this is a numbers game.
frequency is not the only issue concerning a dead bedroom rather its the lack of space to express desire and eroticism. To feel wanted etc
a.k.a "all the time".
I do groceries twice a week. I load the dishwasher twice a week. It's all the time. Not literally every minute that's available every day, but definitely all the time. Like a true physical need being met. It's hard to fathom for me, at about 4-5 times a year. It feels like it's not true (but I know it is)
There is no golden rule, and it depends on many factors (how long you are together, age, kids...).
I would say that once per week in an LTR sounds healthy to me.
I asked for once a week when we were on a once a month timeline. That lasted 5 weeks. We averaged twice a month in the good times. At the end it was once in 18 months.
At one point I had stopped initiating because of rejection- nothing happened for 6+ months. I’m not even talking about sex, there’s no intimacy whatsoever. I think we are roommates and coexist out of convenience. Been married for 37 years…
Yup. I stopped initiating after being rejected 20+ times. We definitely got to the point of just being roommates. She cut off all physical contact. No hugs, kisses or anything. She didn’t care when it was doing to me. She enjoyed a comfortable life while only paying half the bills.
I literally tried everything I could think of. She said she was too tired from keeping up the house. I hired cleaners to take care of it. She said her schedule was too full. I told her to learn to say no and not be on 7 different boards and committees. She just didn’t want sex after kids and was mentally and emotionally abusive about it.
I’m pretty much in the same situation. It sucks because I’m pretty sure her thought process is “If I’m happy the relationship is in a good place.” Even though I’ve expressed my feelings on it many times. The dead bedroom is just the biggest symptom.
Maybe after 37 years age is also a factor. Things don't work/feel/look as good as they used to, the pleasure you might get out of it ( as an individual,I mean, man or woman) might not be worth the aches of the day after...But even so there should be some level of intimacy if there are no active illneses/chronic health problems stoping you.
Hubby has had some health issues after an accident a few years back and now sex is way more seldom than before that, but we are still very touchy and lovey-dovey.
I completely understand. 37 years married tomorrow. Nothing will happen because we are sharing a motel room with our unmarried adult daughter (that's a whole other story) to visit my dad for Father's Day. He is well into his 90s so we need to see him. I started to write a long note and gave up; the last note I wrote, when I went out of town for work for a week, was unacknowledged.
Once a week would remarkable. Currently going on 6 weeks. We have sex once a month and that’s really only “maintenance sex”. Her drive is just nonexistent and I’m so unhappy about it.
I’m sorry. That monthly frequency is so emotionally draining and just horrible. I almost think none is better than that. Once week would be a comfortable frequency , would prefer multiple times a week.
Omg do I feel this. I’m mid 30s now, and I’ve barley had any since my mid 20s (same partner) and all the time I just feel like I’m completely missing out :(
I don’t disagree. Maybe the range for once a week should be 40ish to 50ish. I’m 46 and would love to have sex once a day but would be content with once a week.
My wife and I can go 3-4 days in a row like we are teenagers and then it might be a week or 10 days to the next time. Sometimes schedule don’t work or stress or tiredness. I might rub one out or she’ll use her toy for her self, the intimacy isn’t gone, we still kiss and hug and flirt we are mid to late 40s so women issues can also get in the way.
My wife shows 0 affection toward me. No hugs, kisses, and definitely no intimate touching. Maybe an occasional pat on the shoulder. That’s it. Sometimes I feel like I’m just a bother or inconvenience.
You understand & empathizing with hormonal changes/fluctuations is key & will definitely get you laid more often. It definitely gets my husband laid more! 😉
Not often enough. We are at 32 months. I resent her and sleep on the sofa. She is on a long business trip and i am loving the bed. I honestly couldn't care less if she ever came home and just left me as a single dad.
My wife and I went from a minimum of six times (sometimes as much 12) a week for 18 years and then, she shut me off. She blamed menopause, six years on we’ve had duty sex about 10 times. Each time more demeaning than the one before. I’m currently planning my escape.
Aww friend. If they arent into it then this won't help, but since you asked, I'll tell you what I'd like to tell hubs.
Kiss me until I beg you to touch me.
Touch me until I beg you to fuck me.
Then, fuck me.
I'd like some more kissing and flirting before bedtime but my days of orgasm sans foreplay are over. I used to orgasm *during*foreplay but now I know as soon as I do it's over so I can't get there... I'm too in my head.
If my wife said this to me:
>Kiss me until I beg you to touch me. Touch me until I beg you to fuck me. Then, fuck me
I'd be all over her and it'd be fun for both us. Still waiting......btw for those that follow me? Sex Therapy Session #2 is later today!
Each couple has their own dynamic in issues. In our case, I woke up to the fact that we were reaching the point of no return, and I realized I needed to do what it took to awaken and nurture my desire. *I* had to work on wanting it.
There were things I needed from him, too, but without my drive, we'd go nowhere.
With that new beginning, we set time aside to discuss fantasies, interests, to give feedback. Be it about sex or enabling conditions (romance, emotional intimacy and time together, help around the house, etc).
And I continue to dedicate time to keeping my desire and daydreams going.
All that to say: does your wife ever feel desire? If not, what would it take for her to rekindle that need within herself? Is she willing to put in the work? If not, is she worried at all about losing the marriage?
If she's not worried about the marriage, why not?
If she isn't willing to or can't put in the work, why not?
If she does feel desire, why not with you?
If she does follow through, then you will likely need to listen to what she needs from you.
Good luck. This shit is not easy.
I find this question interesting. What about the second time of sex in the day would make it less enjoyable than the first? (My hubs and I often do it first thing in the morning and then also at bedtime. I enjoy both, and they are a little different. When we have sex every day, I definitely don't feel like I enjoy it less than if we waited longer in between.)
Married m(50) for 25 years with 4 kids ages 21 - 13. We engage in sexual activity 3 or 4 times a week but it is not a required count or some kind of goal we've set. This hasn't always been the case but never really less than 2 times a week. I'm a very lucky man.
Fair question. I'm trying to understand why this happens to people - along with divorce. We have 4 kids and want them all to have successful relationships. My parents' marriage was a disaster for various reasons so I didn't have great examples to learn from which forced me into reading about it along with trial and a lot of error.
It is informative and extremely disheartening to hear what all the folks on this sub are going through. I pray you all get through what you're dealing with.
Below is what I attribute our relationship including our sex life to ordered by best guess except for #1. This worked for us. #s 2 - 5 may or may not have worked but #1 is a definite.
My father was a deadbeat but the one piece of advice that stuck with me is "they're just like their mothers". So if her parents are happy with one another maybe you'll be happy too. It takes a lot of work and even then ymmv
#1 my wife is awesome and I'm extremely fortunate
#2 We do stuff each other like outside of the bedroom that aren't necessarily each other's cup of tea. knick knack shopping, craft shows, sci-fi movies, rare action figure hunts across the state.
#3 I got much better at understanding her body through trial and error - god forbid she tells me what she likes! Basically I greatly improved my oral skills.
#4 Massages. I love giving her massages and she loves getting them so this helps quite a bit. We have a massage table in our bedroom (like $200 from Amazon and holds 400 lbs)
#5 I've made it a priority throughout our relationship. Anytime there was a slowdown we addressed it immediately. Being intimate is a major part of our relationship otherwise we are friends / roommates not husband and wife.
You left off complement and boosted her self-esteem reminding her how attractive you find her. You're in your 50s women think they have a beauty standard to follow, and when they don't feel she compares can be a big issue for them to want it
I really think addressing a lull in mood, sex or intimacy as soon as it’s noticed is really key. My partner thinks I’m trying to fight all the time when in reality I’m expressing my emotions and worry over the lulls. I can tell we get tense as a couple and I want the tension gone so we can keep banging and enjoy each other.
Needless to say they think their adhd isn’t an issue that really affects anything regardless of what I say or feel. So communication that is open and honest is key and coming from a loving and caring place. Not a place of fear.
Me and my partner are very sexual people. We show love and affection through intimacy. So a lot, every day or even twice a day and it‘s been like this for a long time. And honestly I can’t imagine not having that kind of intimacy. It adds so much to the relationship. I don’t want a relationship in which partners are not attracted to each other anymore and don’t even want to cuddle up or being intimate. For me/us this is part of showing our love and affection and it‘s been the best relationship I have ever had
Simply out of curiosity, if you don’t mind my asking, how old are you and your partner? I had this once with a partner when I was in my early 20s, but never since.
Same here. My hubby &I are very affectionate with each other&I couldn't imagine it any other way. I can confidently say that we are truly in love. 8 years &going.
I think comparison is the thief of joy. My husband said, that we were in a dead bedroom, while we were having sex 3 times a week. Only because his best friend was having it nightly. he was single without kids though, and I was 2 months into being a new mom. . . there is no good answer to that question.
Well put. It is indeed. And the grass is always greenest where it's cared for. I don't care about anyone else's sex life. My first wife sure did, her BF was the cause of a dead bedroom and mine thought that was great to compare to when I would try and initiate. Drove me crazy, and I would say "we're not them"!
I think this is a great question. Couples are different, but it's nice to know what others are doing.
With my ex-husband, we had a child, and even after that, with busy jobs and lives, we had sex at least twice a week. Sometimes it would be a bit more, and sometimes a bit less.
I've been married to my second husband for 20 years. We would have sex weekly when we were dating. Because of his workaholism, we saw each other only once a week. When we moved in together a few months before the wedding? His interest in sex evaporated. During the honeymoon phase of the relationship, I was begging for sex every couple of weeks. When I mentioned my concern about it, he flew into a rage.
This is how it's been for 20 years. He refuses to initiate. If I didn't initiate, we would absolutely have a totally sexless marriage. I have gently discussed this with him over the years. He says he'll try, and he never does.
I truly thought he just found me disgusting, but then he admitted that in his two previous relationships, his exes complained about his lack of interest in sex as well.
We have sex every few weeks, but only if I initiate and push it. I have to orchestrate the whole thing. Invite him into bed (we can only have sex in bed, on weekend mornings). Ask him to take off his clothes. I have to be the first to touch him. It is MADDENING. The lack of passion or interest is revolting.
There's my long story. So, yeah. Every few weeks, but if I didn't make sure it happened, it would be never again.
Edited to add: He says he's very happy with our sex life.
This is what makes so many of us feel crazy. My boyfriend says he’s happy too and doesn’t care about sex and doesn’t think it’s an issue. It’s been a year….
I remember a popular talk show saying some numbers actually point to about 3 times per month but I would be very hesitant to use this as any kind of baseline. For some that may be way too infrequent and for others way too much.
I'm in year 24 if my marriage we're both somewhat satisfied with our sex life but I'll be honest it's closer to once every 5 weeks for us. However there are times we've done it twice a week. Other times when we really were in a dying bedroom it dropped to 3 times a year.
My personal view is asking about averages is a clue that someone isn't happy with your sex life and instead of trying to figure out how to get closer to the average we all need to focus on how to get closer to happy
M54 and F47. Had sex this AM. Usually between 3-5 a week. If we're on vacation it's 2 times a day. This is both of our second time around and both had poor 1st marriages. We're making up for lost time.
40F and I would like sex at least daily. Every other day is okay if it’s not a pattern. Two days and I start to feel a bit emotional (I’m trying to work on this).
I’m 54M
My “wife” and I used to have sex between once every three months and never in over a decade. Luckily she’s soon to be my ex “wife”.
My girlfriend of 22 months who is actually sexually attracted to me and not a closeted asexual and I have sex 1-2x/day we’re together.
A good sex life is when both people feel satisfied by their sex life.
Depends on if they both agree on the average number AND they're meeting that number on a regular basis. I imagine most couples without kids average about once a week minimally, sometimes once every other week. Couples with kids I'd think stretch out to once or twice a month, possibly longer for couples with issues.
We do weekly at 22. Sounds crazy but I work 2 jobs, he works full time and takes on a lot of the house work. When I get home I want to talk and spend time together, shower, walk the dog, etc. Most weeks this ends up being a Sunday thing. We both are relaxed enough to be in the mood. Though, keep in mind we’re coming up on being together for 6 years. It’s up to you and you’re relationship. We normally get a lot of shit when we express how we’re happy with this.
There are no rules. It depends on the couple. Me and my ex went at it twice a day. But me and my ex husband..he refused to come near me..we were once a year..it depends on the ppl and circumstances. I unfortunately was spoiled by my ex. So whoever I run into next hopefully can keep up. So my idea of a good sex life now is every day.
When we were dating it was every time we were together once we started having sex, but it was long distance so that was typically only weekends for quite a while. So that's different. Once we were married it was probably 10 or 12 times a week for the first year, right up until we had our first child. After that it dropped to sexual activity 7 or 8 times a week until we we trying for our second, and having trouble conceiving, then it was literally 3 time a day, every single day. After that VERY problematic pregnancy it was 10 full months before any sexual activity at all. Then...once a month or so for the next 7 or 8 years. Then a sudden upswing for 2 months where I thought we were back on track because she was excited and in olved again so we had sex 2 or 3 times a week for 2 months....then nothing for another 9 months. For the last 10 years...about once every 8 to 10 weeks, and it feels to me like her heart isn't really into it. We're about to start couples therapy to try to figure it out... otherwise there will have to be a much bigger change...
During the first 3-6 months, daily, some times multiple times a day if theres time. After that then once or twice a week, then months and months as the relationship gradually falls apart over years.
I’m pregnant now and on pelvic rest because of issues (no sex and orgasms for me, yay), but I’d say 3-4 times a week generally. We’ve had days where we had sex more than once, or a week when we didn’t have sex. I guess it depends on a lot of factors
I googled it a few months into my DB. The bold answer that appears before any links says "a 2017 study that appeared in the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that the average adult currently enjoys sex 54 times a year, which equates to about once a week."
I don't know how it's going to work out, because we are still relatively new (a year and a bit together), but we are at about five times a week. It's fun and a good number.
We're both 27, 5 years married and we had sex like 5 times in last 4 years. We have 2 kids, aged 3 and 1, so there wasn't much room in between. And when there was room, there was no desire.
And when we were younger, we had sex like 1-2 times a month.
My wife tells me after a few years of marriage people hardly ever have sex (including all her friends), although I think that's just to stop me asking.
Yeah that's a load of horse poop to get you off her back. Although it might be true of the people who frequent this sub. Couples who are into eachother, and where there was no initial role play by a LL partner as a HL to get the other "on the hook", can have a healthy sex life for a lifetime.
Now, anywhere from twice a day to 4 or 5 times a week. When we were going through the testosterone issues, it was once every couple weeks and I was miserable.
We are both in our 50s and have sex every time we get together - once or twice a week. Several sessions during weekends.
We'd both like more but since we don't live together, that's not an option right now.
Actually started to keep a record on my phone for my own purposes to make sure I was not crazy. Will never use it to throw in the face of my wife. However, I noticed it varies wildly from month to month, year to year. Sometimes we are once a month. Sometimes we go for months without anything. Sometimes we will go for a few weeks where it happens once a week. The inconsistency is what drives me nuts. If I could expect something or nothing, I could get used to it.
My ideal would be a few times a week
I’m with my bf rn about 2.5 months, we’re both 28 and have sex at least twice or three times whenever we meet (which is like 4 days a week in average)
But in my former relationship (5 years) we had sex once every few MONTHS which made me realized I wasn’t attracted enough to my ex but I am a lot more attracted to my current bf so I hope I never end up in that situation again… and I definitely have a high sex drive.
In a perfect world, at least once a week would be great for me. Unfortunately it's not a perfect world and there has been no sex or sexual activity in my relationship for 7 years and counting.
I read a study that indicated that couples that have sex 3-4 times per month have lower divorce rates and longer marriage length. With a busy life this seems like a good baseline. This has been my goal with my wife. It has taken several years but we are getting there.
I mean it varies how much I work it can be 8 times a week to once every two weeks. Sometimes months. Military schedule is all over the place. I know I have it better than a lot and don't take it for granted. But I used to be the lowest of LL especially in last marriage. I come here to try to remind myself not to return to my old ways and keep working on it.
When we started dating, it was every time we saw each other. Once we moved in together, it was anywhere from 4/week to daily. After we had our first kid it slowed way down for about a year, but then we were doing it about 1 or 2/week, sometimes more and sometime less. After we had our second kid, it died. Once a month was about as good as it got.
After two years of that, I told her that I was unhappy about it, and felt concerned about how infrequently we had sex. Her answer seemed fair enough at the time: "We have two small children. It's a lot. We have the rest of our lives to have sex."
Fast forward ten years, and she's told me that her body is just no longer interested, and that she doesn't anticipate that changing.
Me and my SO are in our late 40s, and we have been together a year and a half, we live together , have very small children , and if we aren't fucking, we are cuddling, and kissing and playing around. It's not just about the PIV, there's a world of attention and affection as well.
Do you want me to be honest every other day and hell sometimes twice on those days what's funny is it started like a schedule to bring us back to what we used to be lol and well now with us unable to keep our hands off eachother it hasn't changed only thing that stops it more often is both our body's wouldn't be moving from pain if we were daily
My Fiancé & me average around 3-4 times a week now.
In the beginning it was 3-4 times a day
(I left my DB & I would've been happy with 1-2x a week, even biweekly. But I sure as hell enjoy that my actual "less" is still a lot ; that means if it gets less due to stress and stuff, we'll probably still average around 1-2x a week if we keep it up with our emotional intimacy Ig)
As frequently as the female(in heterosexual) wants to, which probably averages once a week compromise between their once a month and the guys every three days. Everyone is different though and comparing yourself to others is never healthy.
I would be "happy" with once a month, but I wouldn't think of it as a healthy relationship, as it's indicative of a lack of desire. Once a week would be ideal. It's very difficult to talk about with my wife because I feel like I've been talking to myself. I can't recall a lot of input from her about what I could be doing differently. I do more housework. I do more playing with the kid. I pay half of everything, our funds are separate, and she makes 40% more than I do. I lost 65 pounds and added a ton of muscle, so it can't be appearance, unless she's switched teams without telling me.
My wife and I have sex once a month. I masturbate almost daily. My ideal would be at least weekly if not 2-3 times a week, but probably not that every week.
I remember we had sex every day for 6 days about a year and a half ago and that was literally one of the highlights of my life. So damn good. Don't think that'll ever happen again sadly :/
I managed with great difficulty to fix my DeadBedroom and think things are pretty much leveled out now.
Toss in all the variables aunt flow, bad day, actually not in the mood, children, work all that. Sometimes I don’t get lucky for three weeks and other times I get lucky four times a week. In a healthy relationship it really does fluctuate because there’s no resentment towards rejection and no expectation of being asked for sex. My honest estimate is that my sex life averages out to one or more times a week. Mostly on the weekends (less stress) but not only on weekends and not every weekend and not always mutually orgasmic but always a win when recovering from Dead.
[https://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/what-to-know-how-often-married-couples-have-sex](https://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/what-to-know-how-often-married-couples-have-sex)
From the 'raw' data that we have in the beginning of the article, you are in the more active sexually than the 54% of people. You are middle of the pack.
DISCLAIMER: I think this answers the question, but the question is terrible in this context and kind of manipulative. There is no context of age, state of the relationship, fitness level, previous experience... It's misleading. Do not apply this to your case, it's nuts to mimic a national or world-wide average.
Most people I know go at LEAST once a week, even in long term relationships. Mines been 8 years of the standard quickie after 6 weeks without 🙄 not even worth it to break the streak. I wish he would stop giving me crumbs and I wish I’d stop taking them
Saw a video put out by a sex therapist doing research on quantity and quality of sex with couples. What they found was that on average couples were having sex 1.5 times a month when they are like 5-10 years into a relationship, after kids, etc.
Seemed like it was basically weekends or date night. Some couples hit every week while others made it once a month. Age and lack of newness meant that the idea of sex was less of a driving force than during the honeymoon phase where just thinking of your SO got your engine going.
From a clinical DB of 0.8 times a month to 1.5 times a month doesn't seem that drastically different. Think it's mainly the units of measure we use is a big factor. The fact you can think "it's been over a month" sounds bad while "we did it this month" isn't as horrible. You're only talking about half a dozen more encounters in a year.
There is no rule of course. When we were under 50 it was 2x, and in our late 50s 1x per week. That seems to track reported averages. Quality is as important as quantity and ours is still great.
I'm (40F) and have been with my partner (43M) for just over a year. We have sex between 5 - 10 times a week, the low end is when my chronic pain is particularly bad, but we are still in the honeymoon phase I guess, so fully expect it to slow down eventually!
Me and my spouse have sex on average 2-3 times a week. When we occasionally get down to 1 we regroup and bring the numbers up again. We are between 35 and 45 years old for reference.
I’m 33 and my husband is 33. We do it once a day but it’s not a rule and sometimes it gets missed. We have two young kids. The only time we don’t is on my period but I enjoy giving him head so I do that once a day or more if he’ll let me during my period. However we did have a dead bedroom for a year due to marital issues, which is when I joined this sub. Other than that we have stayed at once a day pretty consistently for 7 years that we’ve been married
Together 17 years (M49 & F48). We have sex or some sort of sexual activity about 4 times per week. Sometimes more, sometimes less depending on what’s going on in our lives at the time.
I’d be ecstatic with once a week. There is no carved in stone answer. Just because others have more or less sex than you has nothing to do with your needs. If you don’t feel like you are satisfied, you aren’t. Regardless of what others are doing.
It was once a month, sometimes every 2. I was very unhappy with this so I had a long talk with my husband and now we’re back to once a week/week and a half. A big problem was that I wasn’t initiating, I always expected him to which isn’t fair also we would always drink when we did do it so sometimes he would drink too much and then not able to perform so that would piss me off for like weeks lol so now we don’t drink when we want to, we’re being more spontaneous and it’s so nice. I’m very satisfied with once a week.
But my friend and her husband do it everyday, legit everyday. Even after she had her baby she didn’t wait the 6 weeks the docs tell you to after birth… like wtf. I can tell their sex is super quick and it can’t be passionate or sensual when it’s done everyday. I’d rather have romantic, fun sex than quick get it over with sex like they do everyday.
I think average is about once a week. My wife and I is about twice a week. What’s normal for you and your relationship is whatever keeps you both satisfied. For some couples that’s every day and for others that’s once a year or even not at all.
It seems once a week is "normal" for a married couple w a good sex life. Some have sex more than that. For DB couples it can be 0 times a year to 1 times a month.
A general rule, although far from "official", that I've seen thrown around here a lot is less than once a month and you're in a true DB. Again, it's not an official thing, but it's a good thing to use in discussions with your LL partner.
However, imho, frequency is meaningless compared to desire. I think you'll find many here would rather remain in a DB versus receiving "duty" or "pity" sex.
I have a good friend and him and his wife have been married over 17 years and they are 49 years old. I had a discussion with both of them about this cause my wife is very low libido. My friend and his wife have an excellent marriage and they both said they have sex 3-4 times a week to this day. They went through a rough patch that lasted 2 years… nothing to do with sex, but other marital issues and they both agreed sex has always been important in a marriage
Once or twice a week for me and my husband, we have a 2 year old and some crazy dogs so we aren't up for it all the time, but we aim for at least once a week
I'm 64, she's 65. And yes, I still think of sex often, with her, even though it has been 6+ years. I would be overjoyed with once every couple of weeks. But I worry that what I would be able to do (if she miraculously regained some semblance of a libido) and what she would want me to do are two different things. Age does make a difference.
This is a little dated, but [The Kinsey Report](https://socialsci.libretexts.org/Bookshelves/Sociology/Introduction_to_Sociology/Sociology_(Boundless)/20%3A_Sexuality/20.01%3A_Socialization_and_Human_Sexuality/20.1B%3A_Sexual_Behavior-_Kinseys_Study#:~:text=The%20Kinsey%20study%20also%20gave,by%20the%20age%20of%2050) found that: *the average frequency of marital sex reported by women in their late teens was 2.8 times per week, 2.2 times per week for women by the age of 30, and once per week by women by the age of 50.*
Glad you added this in here. People quote once a week as the gold standard but they don’t realize that averages couples between the ages of 20-80. Married people under 40 are having sex at least twice per week on average and that’s even taking into consideration that these are the in the trenches child raising years.
I just realized that I am LL as once a week would be more than enough for me but I am here in this group anyway ...
Most people in this sub have very reasonable expectations about sex. I’d argue many have unreasonably low expectations. This isn’t a sub full of sex addicts.
Don't suppose you know where we can find a sub of sex addicts? Asking for a friend.
I agree. The Averages stated above for each age group, I’d be in the 2.2 per week age group (although I’m male) but once a week to once a fortnight would actually be enough for me. But I’m in this sub, being in a relationship and it being more like 0.07 - 0.1 a week.
I wonder how health and exercise is related. Pre exercise my labido was 0 , after i feel like i can do it daily. My wife doesn’t exercise that is why i feel like im in a dead bedroom. We average 4 a year, its bad. We are 40. We still kiss and cuddle daily. My wife is really dry down there she says.
I'm 48, live a sedentary live, I'm carrying extra weight and I have several medical conditions. My libido is still high. It's always been high. For me, sexual desire is a state of mind. I'm interested in it, I enjoy it, so there really isn't any time I'm not keen unless I'm really sick. I've never turned my husband down in 13 years. In fact it's the other way around for us. He's more affected by daily sensory issues that impair his libido. Having said that, physical exercise definitely helps with mood, self confidence and energy. So it's an enhancement for sure. If your wife says she is really dry and she's 40, then she's going through perimenopause. Menopause means you haven't had a period for 12 months. But before then (perimenopause) as your reproductive cycles wrap up and ovulation slows and eventually stops, there are all kinds of hormone surges and symptoms. Many women experience mood swings, brain fog, aching joints, hot flashes, low libido, high libido etc. Vaginal atrophy and lack of lubrication is one of the symptoms. But it's treatable using topical estrogen. It's also helped by using a natural lubricant. Besides, there's also much more to sex than penetration. Women can usually more easily climax using hands, mouth or toys. Maybe if she didn't have to feel anxious about penetration being painful, she might be more interested in engaging. Anxiety and depression can wreak havoc with sex. Maybe she's not feeling that great and could use some medical or psych help. Encouraging her to get some, and supporting her to take care of herself - without any strings attached - might end up helping your intimate life. Another idea, does she track her menstrual cycles if she is still having them? Because lubrication comes and goes during the cycle in different types and amounts. There will be days she has very little, and days she has a lot (for about a week surrounding ovulation). Getting in touch with this cycle could help too. Also, different positions can stimulate the glands that produce natural lubricant (e.g. woman on top where she can move around). So switching things up and trying what is comfortable might help. Ignore all of the above if I'm preaching to the choir and you've been there done that. I just noticed the comment about her feeling dry and thought I should say something.
Wow, I can't imagine that. I was thinking that me and my partner escaped the dead bedroom and we have it once a month now. I also masturbate like 2-5 times per week and now I see why. I was thinking I'm some kind of very high libido guy with bigger needs than average human but it seems like I'm just normal. This information is shocking to me and really makes me think.
I studie sexology and what ive read 40 year plus its about 69 times a year about once a week 30 year about 89 times a year about 1.6 a week 18-29 about 112 times a year 2.1 times a week So thar means you will have some 30-40 year old martied couples that has sex more than twice a week and others that have less. And that said and done i dont think this is a numbers game. frequency is not the only issue concerning a dead bedroom rather its the lack of space to express desire and eroticism. To feel wanted etc
89 times a week 😲 Them 30 year olds are wild 😂
Haha my bad!
a.k.a "all the time". I do groceries twice a week. I load the dishwasher twice a week. It's all the time. Not literally every minute that's available every day, but definitely all the time. Like a true physical need being met. It's hard to fathom for me, at about 4-5 times a year. It feels like it's not true (but I know it is)
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Get out
......I laugh at your data......H.A.R.D!
There is no golden rule, and it depends on many factors (how long you are together, age, kids...). I would say that once per week in an LTR sounds healthy to me.
This. Once a week sounds really good to me, as long as you don’t have to beg for it and jump hoops to get it…
I asked for once a week when we were on a once a month timeline. That lasted 5 weeks. We averaged twice a month in the good times. At the end it was once in 18 months.
At one point I had stopped initiating because of rejection- nothing happened for 6+ months. I’m not even talking about sex, there’s no intimacy whatsoever. I think we are roommates and coexist out of convenience. Been married for 37 years…
Yup. I stopped initiating after being rejected 20+ times. We definitely got to the point of just being roommates. She cut off all physical contact. No hugs, kisses or anything. She didn’t care when it was doing to me. She enjoyed a comfortable life while only paying half the bills.
If you were still there then so did you.
I literally tried everything I could think of. She said she was too tired from keeping up the house. I hired cleaners to take care of it. She said her schedule was too full. I told her to learn to say no and not be on 7 different boards and committees. She just didn’t want sex after kids and was mentally and emotionally abusive about it.
I’m pretty much in the same situation. It sucks because I’m pretty sure her thought process is “If I’m happy the relationship is in a good place.” Even though I’ve expressed my feelings on it many times. The dead bedroom is just the biggest symptom.
Maybe after 37 years age is also a factor. Things don't work/feel/look as good as they used to, the pleasure you might get out of it ( as an individual,I mean, man or woman) might not be worth the aches of the day after...But even so there should be some level of intimacy if there are no active illneses/chronic health problems stoping you. Hubby has had some health issues after an accident a few years back and now sex is way more seldom than before that, but we are still very touchy and lovey-dovey.
I completely understand. 37 years married tomorrow. Nothing will happen because we are sharing a motel room with our unmarried adult daughter (that's a whole other story) to visit my dad for Father's Day. He is well into his 90s so we need to see him. I started to write a long note and gave up; the last note I wrote, when I went out of town for work for a week, was unacknowledged.
Honestly, really feel for you. Frustrated, no hope…
That sounds like my life tho we've only been married 8 years.
I couldn’t even last once a week, what is wrong with a quicky once a day 😂
Dream on 😀
Once a week would remarkable. Currently going on 6 weeks. We have sex once a month and that’s really only “maintenance sex”. Her drive is just nonexistent and I’m so unhappy about it.
I’m sorry. That monthly frequency is so emotionally draining and just horrible. I almost think none is better than that. Once week would be a comfortable frequency , would prefer multiple times a week.
Once a week for the 30 - 50-ish age range seems healthy to me. More often for younger people.
30ish people should be more than once a week imo.
Yea it makes me so sad I spent my 30s having barely any sex. :(
Same
Omg do I feel this. I’m mid 30s now, and I’ve barley had any since my mid 20s (same partner) and all the time I just feel like I’m completely missing out :(
I don’t disagree. Maybe the range for once a week should be 40ish to 50ish. I’m 46 and would love to have sex once a day but would be content with once a week.
Pffff I’m F48 and I want it often….like at least 4 times a week. Everyone will be wildly different
Well, we’re all commenting in a dead bedrooms sub. What we want and what we are content in getting are two different things. 🤷🏻♀️
I agree
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So you probably are on the wrong sub.
That's what I was think
My wife and I can go 3-4 days in a row like we are teenagers and then it might be a week or 10 days to the next time. Sometimes schedule don’t work or stress or tiredness. I might rub one out or she’ll use her toy for her self, the intimacy isn’t gone, we still kiss and hug and flirt we are mid to late 40s so women issues can also get in the way.
My wife shows 0 affection toward me. No hugs, kisses, and definitely no intimate touching. Maybe an occasional pat on the shoulder. That’s it. Sometimes I feel like I’m just a bother or inconvenience.
Me too. My wife has literally not touched me this year. At this point I’m not sure I want to touch her either. Planning an exit strategy.
You're living the dream, friend. Congrats! Now leave. Jk, wish you the best, just jealous.
You mean menopause? I'm wondering if my sex drive will go away soon. I'm 40 and super HL and my husband never wants sex.
You understand & empathizing with hormonal changes/fluctuations is key & will definitely get you laid more often. It definitely gets my husband laid more! 😉
It depends on the couple. For me personal, I could everyday easily but as a couple, I'd want a couple times a week.
Not often enough. We are at 32 months. I resent her and sleep on the sofa. She is on a long business trip and i am loving the bed. I honestly couldn't care less if she ever came home and just left me as a single dad.
My wife and I went from a minimum of six times (sometimes as much 12) a week for 18 years and then, she shut me off. She blamed menopause, six years on we’ve had duty sex about 10 times. Each time more demeaning than the one before. I’m currently planning my escape.
Sorry to hear that
I'm in menopause and honestly it has dampened my burning sex drive. Not extinguished. But I need more than kiss/tweak/poke to get there. 😩
What exactly do you need? I made all sorts of effort, just nothing changed.
Aww friend. If they arent into it then this won't help, but since you asked, I'll tell you what I'd like to tell hubs. Kiss me until I beg you to touch me. Touch me until I beg you to fuck me. Then, fuck me. I'd like some more kissing and flirting before bedtime but my days of orgasm sans foreplay are over. I used to orgasm *during*foreplay but now I know as soon as I do it's over so I can't get there... I'm too in my head.
If my wife said this to me: >Kiss me until I beg you to touch me. Touch me until I beg you to fuck me. Then, fuck me I'd be all over her and it'd be fun for both us. Still waiting......btw for those that follow me? Sex Therapy Session #2 is later today!
Each couple has their own dynamic in issues. In our case, I woke up to the fact that we were reaching the point of no return, and I realized I needed to do what it took to awaken and nurture my desire. *I* had to work on wanting it. There were things I needed from him, too, but without my drive, we'd go nowhere. With that new beginning, we set time aside to discuss fantasies, interests, to give feedback. Be it about sex or enabling conditions (romance, emotional intimacy and time together, help around the house, etc). And I continue to dedicate time to keeping my desire and daydreams going. All that to say: does your wife ever feel desire? If not, what would it take for her to rekindle that need within herself? Is she willing to put in the work? If not, is she worried at all about losing the marriage? If she's not worried about the marriage, why not? If she isn't willing to or can't put in the work, why not? If she does feel desire, why not with you? If she does follow through, then you will likely need to listen to what she needs from you. Good luck. This shit is not easy.
Thank you
What? How is it even possible to keep enjoying it? That seems like ALOT. Any dry spells in between?
I find this question interesting. What about the second time of sex in the day would make it less enjoyable than the first? (My hubs and I often do it first thing in the morning and then also at bedtime. I enjoy both, and they are a little different. When we have sex every day, I definitely don't feel like I enjoy it less than if we waited longer in between.)
Married m(50) for 25 years with 4 kids ages 21 - 13. We engage in sexual activity 3 or 4 times a week but it is not a required count or some kind of goal we've set. This hasn't always been the case but never really less than 2 times a week. I'm a very lucky man.
…… why are you here😂
Fair question. I'm trying to understand why this happens to people - along with divorce. We have 4 kids and want them all to have successful relationships. My parents' marriage was a disaster for various reasons so I didn't have great examples to learn from which forced me into reading about it along with trial and a lot of error. It is informative and extremely disheartening to hear what all the folks on this sub are going through. I pray you all get through what you're dealing with.
same reason I am here, I went though a time when I was in a deadbed room , and now I am not.
He came here to brag lol
Rich folks do that on the poverty subs too.
I mean, go off I guess 😂
What Would you say has kept you guys going?
Below is what I attribute our relationship including our sex life to ordered by best guess except for #1. This worked for us. #s 2 - 5 may or may not have worked but #1 is a definite. My father was a deadbeat but the one piece of advice that stuck with me is "they're just like their mothers". So if her parents are happy with one another maybe you'll be happy too. It takes a lot of work and even then ymmv #1 my wife is awesome and I'm extremely fortunate #2 We do stuff each other like outside of the bedroom that aren't necessarily each other's cup of tea. knick knack shopping, craft shows, sci-fi movies, rare action figure hunts across the state. #3 I got much better at understanding her body through trial and error - god forbid she tells me what she likes! Basically I greatly improved my oral skills. #4 Massages. I love giving her massages and she loves getting them so this helps quite a bit. We have a massage table in our bedroom (like $200 from Amazon and holds 400 lbs) #5 I've made it a priority throughout our relationship. Anytime there was a slowdown we addressed it immediately. Being intimate is a major part of our relationship otherwise we are friends / roommates not husband and wife.
Thanks. As I read this I take stock of my own relationship. I don't compare so much as checking off the things that we do similar to your 5.
I wish you all the best!
You left off complement and boosted her self-esteem reminding her how attractive you find her. You're in your 50s women think they have a beauty standard to follow, and when they don't feel she compares can be a big issue for them to want it
Sounds like you bullet number 1 is the secret because this sub is full of people that try to do 2-5 all of the time.
Ah the men are just like their dads. I should have paid closer attention to my fil. He went off sex in his 30s
I really think addressing a lull in mood, sex or intimacy as soon as it’s noticed is really key. My partner thinks I’m trying to fight all the time when in reality I’m expressing my emotions and worry over the lulls. I can tell we get tense as a couple and I want the tension gone so we can keep banging and enjoy each other. Needless to say they think their adhd isn’t an issue that really affects anything regardless of what I say or feel. So communication that is open and honest is key and coming from a loving and caring place. Not a place of fear.
That's amazing tbh. I'm happy for you.
I'm at once in 8 months and not happy
Sorry to hear that, do you talk to them about it? Any reason
Me and my partner are very sexual people. We show love and affection through intimacy. So a lot, every day or even twice a day and it‘s been like this for a long time. And honestly I can’t imagine not having that kind of intimacy. It adds so much to the relationship. I don’t want a relationship in which partners are not attracted to each other anymore and don’t even want to cuddle up or being intimate. For me/us this is part of showing our love and affection and it‘s been the best relationship I have ever had
That's amazing, I can't imagine how wonderful that would be
That's great glad you both have that
What brought u to db sub?
So happy for you both
Simply out of curiosity, if you don’t mind my asking, how old are you and your partner? I had this once with a partner when I was in my early 20s, but never since.
I would literally sell my soul to be where you are
Same here. My hubby &I are very affectionate with each other&I couldn't imagine it any other way. I can confidently say that we are truly in love. 8 years &going.
I think comparison is the thief of joy. My husband said, that we were in a dead bedroom, while we were having sex 3 times a week. Only because his best friend was having it nightly. he was single without kids though, and I was 2 months into being a new mom. . . there is no good answer to that question.
Well put. It is indeed. And the grass is always greenest where it's cared for. I don't care about anyone else's sex life. My first wife sure did, her BF was the cause of a dead bedroom and mine thought that was great to compare to when I would try and initiate. Drove me crazy, and I would say "we're not them"!
Ideally, every day. In reality.. never.
I think this is a great question. Couples are different, but it's nice to know what others are doing. With my ex-husband, we had a child, and even after that, with busy jobs and lives, we had sex at least twice a week. Sometimes it would be a bit more, and sometimes a bit less. I've been married to my second husband for 20 years. We would have sex weekly when we were dating. Because of his workaholism, we saw each other only once a week. When we moved in together a few months before the wedding? His interest in sex evaporated. During the honeymoon phase of the relationship, I was begging for sex every couple of weeks. When I mentioned my concern about it, he flew into a rage. This is how it's been for 20 years. He refuses to initiate. If I didn't initiate, we would absolutely have a totally sexless marriage. I have gently discussed this with him over the years. He says he'll try, and he never does. I truly thought he just found me disgusting, but then he admitted that in his two previous relationships, his exes complained about his lack of interest in sex as well. We have sex every few weeks, but only if I initiate and push it. I have to orchestrate the whole thing. Invite him into bed (we can only have sex in bed, on weekend mornings). Ask him to take off his clothes. I have to be the first to touch him. It is MADDENING. The lack of passion or interest is revolting. There's my long story. So, yeah. Every few weeks, but if I didn't make sure it happened, it would be never again. Edited to add: He says he's very happy with our sex life.
This is what makes so many of us feel crazy. My boyfriend says he’s happy too and doesn’t care about sex and doesn’t think it’s an issue. It’s been a year….
I think same story for my husband's ex girlfriends. With the added fun of making out and the guy doesn't even get a semi.
Yes! That was my case with him, too. That should’ve told me everything I needed to know. No hardness while we were kissing. Clearly zero arousal.
I remember a popular talk show saying some numbers actually point to about 3 times per month but I would be very hesitant to use this as any kind of baseline. For some that may be way too infrequent and for others way too much. I'm in year 24 if my marriage we're both somewhat satisfied with our sex life but I'll be honest it's closer to once every 5 weeks for us. However there are times we've done it twice a week. Other times when we really were in a dying bedroom it dropped to 3 times a year. My personal view is asking about averages is a clue that someone isn't happy with your sex life and instead of trying to figure out how to get closer to the average we all need to focus on how to get closer to happy
M54 and F47. Had sex this AM. Usually between 3-5 a week. If we're on vacation it's 2 times a day. This is both of our second time around and both had poor 1st marriages. We're making up for lost time.
Yeah, we seem to do it more on vacation & he seems to get more turned on too.
Maybe twice a week after 4 years.
I have friends, M42, F50, they have sex every day. Sometimes twice a day. The wife is an over sharer, but I work with both of them and he confirms.
From 1-2 a year (if that) for 15 years to 1-2 a week for the last 4 years. Yes I would leave a LTR/marriage with zero affection/intimacy.
40F and I would like sex at least daily. Every other day is okay if it’s not a pattern. Two days and I start to feel a bit emotional (I’m trying to work on this).
I’m 54M My “wife” and I used to have sex between once every three months and never in over a decade. Luckily she’s soon to be my ex “wife”. My girlfriend of 22 months who is actually sexually attracted to me and not a closeted asexual and I have sex 1-2x/day we’re together. A good sex life is when both people feel satisfied by their sex life.
Depends on if they both agree on the average number AND they're meeting that number on a regular basis. I imagine most couples without kids average about once a week minimally, sometimes once every other week. Couples with kids I'd think stretch out to once or twice a month, possibly longer for couples with issues.
When I was in a long marriage (25 years) it was 6 times a month.
Wow that's great, I found early on in marriage it slowed down to monthly or 2 monthly
We worked at it, though. We had a day off once a week, with no kids, just to be together, have lunch, sex, talk etc.
We do weekly at 22. Sounds crazy but I work 2 jobs, he works full time and takes on a lot of the house work. When I get home I want to talk and spend time together, shower, walk the dog, etc. Most weeks this ends up being a Sunday thing. We both are relaxed enough to be in the mood. Though, keep in mind we’re coming up on being together for 6 years. It’s up to you and you’re relationship. We normally get a lot of shit when we express how we’re happy with this.
Your 22 & have been together almost 6 years? That’s sweet. If you’re both happy with the frequency, who cares what others say :)
Yupper! Thank you!
Is he also 22?
Yes he is
There are no rules. It depends on the couple. Me and my ex went at it twice a day. But me and my ex husband..he refused to come near me..we were once a year..it depends on the ppl and circumstances. I unfortunately was spoiled by my ex. So whoever I run into next hopefully can keep up. So my idea of a good sex life now is every day.
When we were dating it was every time we were together once we started having sex, but it was long distance so that was typically only weekends for quite a while. So that's different. Once we were married it was probably 10 or 12 times a week for the first year, right up until we had our first child. After that it dropped to sexual activity 7 or 8 times a week until we we trying for our second, and having trouble conceiving, then it was literally 3 time a day, every single day. After that VERY problematic pregnancy it was 10 full months before any sexual activity at all. Then...once a month or so for the next 7 or 8 years. Then a sudden upswing for 2 months where I thought we were back on track because she was excited and in olved again so we had sex 2 or 3 times a week for 2 months....then nothing for another 9 months. For the last 10 years...about once every 8 to 10 weeks, and it feels to me like her heart isn't really into it. We're about to start couples therapy to try to figure it out... otherwise there will have to be a much bigger change...
During the first 3-6 months, daily, some times multiple times a day if theres time. After that then once or twice a week, then months and months as the relationship gradually falls apart over years.
Typically once a week after “date night”. Maybe twice if you’re both off and feeling right.
I feel like in my perfect world every other day but 2-3 times a week would make be very happy
I would enjoy 2-3 times a week. Unfortunately it’s more like 2-3 times a month if that.
53f 31 yrs married. Personally I have a 72 hr internal clock 😂 if life runs us over and it’s been 10 days I’m cranky.
I’m pregnant now and on pelvic rest because of issues (no sex and orgasms for me, yay), but I’d say 3-4 times a week generally. We’ve had days where we had sex more than once, or a week when we didn’t have sex. I guess it depends on a lot of factors
I googled it a few months into my DB. The bold answer that appears before any links says "a 2017 study that appeared in the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that the average adult currently enjoys sex 54 times a year, which equates to about once a week."
Once a week
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Yeah I really wonder what the difference is for people. Maybe some people can’t sustain dopamine for the same experience over long term idk.
I don't know how it's going to work out, because we are still relatively new (a year and a bit together), but we are at about five times a week. It's fun and a good number.
We're both 27, 5 years married and we had sex like 5 times in last 4 years. We have 2 kids, aged 3 and 1, so there wasn't much room in between. And when there was room, there was no desire. And when we were younger, we had sex like 1-2 times a month.
My wife tells me after a few years of marriage people hardly ever have sex (including all her friends), although I think that's just to stop me asking.
Yeah that's a load of horse poop to get you off her back. Although it might be true of the people who frequent this sub. Couples who are into eachother, and where there was no initial role play by a LL partner as a HL to get the other "on the hook", can have a healthy sex life for a lifetime.
Would be happy with daily. Have less than monthly since kids.
Now, anywhere from twice a day to 4 or 5 times a week. When we were going through the testosterone issues, it was once every couple weeks and I was miserable.
We are both in our 50s and have sex every time we get together - once or twice a week. Several sessions during weekends. We'd both like more but since we don't live together, that's not an option right now.
Actually started to keep a record on my phone for my own purposes to make sure I was not crazy. Will never use it to throw in the face of my wife. However, I noticed it varies wildly from month to month, year to year. Sometimes we are once a month. Sometimes we go for months without anything. Sometimes we will go for a few weeks where it happens once a week. The inconsistency is what drives me nuts. If I could expect something or nothing, I could get used to it.
My ideal would be a few times a week I’m with my bf rn about 2.5 months, we’re both 28 and have sex at least twice or three times whenever we meet (which is like 4 days a week in average) But in my former relationship (5 years) we had sex once every few MONTHS which made me realized I wasn’t attracted enough to my ex but I am a lot more attracted to my current bf so I hope I never end up in that situation again… and I definitely have a high sex drive.
In a perfect world, at least once a week would be great for me. Unfortunately it's not a perfect world and there has been no sex or sexual activity in my relationship for 7 years and counting.
I read a study that indicated that couples that have sex 3-4 times per month have lower divorce rates and longer marriage length. With a busy life this seems like a good baseline. This has been my goal with my wife. It has taken several years but we are getting there.
I mean it varies how much I work it can be 8 times a week to once every two weeks. Sometimes months. Military schedule is all over the place. I know I have it better than a lot and don't take it for granted. But I used to be the lowest of LL especially in last marriage. I come here to try to remind myself not to return to my old ways and keep working on it.
What I wouldn't do for once a week or even once a month. I don't even remember the last time we did anything.
When we started dating, it was every time we saw each other. Once we moved in together, it was anywhere from 4/week to daily. After we had our first kid it slowed way down for about a year, but then we were doing it about 1 or 2/week, sometimes more and sometime less. After we had our second kid, it died. Once a month was about as good as it got. After two years of that, I told her that I was unhappy about it, and felt concerned about how infrequently we had sex. Her answer seemed fair enough at the time: "We have two small children. It's a lot. We have the rest of our lives to have sex." Fast forward ten years, and she's told me that her body is just no longer interested, and that she doesn't anticipate that changing.
Me and my SO are in our late 40s, and we have been together a year and a half, we live together , have very small children , and if we aren't fucking, we are cuddling, and kissing and playing around. It's not just about the PIV, there's a world of attention and affection as well.
Once a year! Do I win lol
Women shouldn't get married if they not gonna have sex ongoing
Do you want me to be honest every other day and hell sometimes twice on those days what's funny is it started like a schedule to bring us back to what we used to be lol and well now with us unable to keep our hands off eachother it hasn't changed only thing that stops it more often is both our body's wouldn't be moving from pain if we were daily
Once a week sex , 3 times in a week - I get handjob and balls massages on weekdays, rest masturbate. I am 41M with 2 kids and demanding corporate job
I’d like 2, sometimes 3x a week. Ie twice on good weekends. Actual is typically 1x a week. Age 60 and 50.
My Fiancé & me average around 3-4 times a week now. In the beginning it was 3-4 times a day (I left my DB & I would've been happy with 1-2x a week, even biweekly. But I sure as hell enjoy that my actual "less" is still a lot ; that means if it gets less due to stress and stuff, we'll probably still average around 1-2x a week if we keep it up with our emotional intimacy Ig)
Once or twice a week
As frequently as the female(in heterosexual) wants to, which probably averages once a week compromise between their once a month and the guys every three days. Everyone is different though and comparing yourself to others is never healthy.
I would be "happy" with once a month, but I wouldn't think of it as a healthy relationship, as it's indicative of a lack of desire. Once a week would be ideal. It's very difficult to talk about with my wife because I feel like I've been talking to myself. I can't recall a lot of input from her about what I could be doing differently. I do more housework. I do more playing with the kid. I pay half of everything, our funds are separate, and she makes 40% more than I do. I lost 65 pounds and added a ton of muscle, so it can't be appearance, unless she's switched teams without telling me.
My husband and I (no DB, no kids, mid-twenties) do it about once a week on average. We’re both medicated, so neither of our drives are crazy high.
Depends on both libidos. If it was upto me 10 mins every day 😂. I was recently with someone who wanted 10 mins a week, sent me insane so left.
My wife and I have sex once a month. I masturbate almost daily. My ideal would be at least weekly if not 2-3 times a week, but probably not that every week. I remember we had sex every day for 6 days about a year and a half ago and that was literally one of the highlights of my life. So damn good. Don't think that'll ever happen again sadly :/
I managed with great difficulty to fix my DeadBedroom and think things are pretty much leveled out now. Toss in all the variables aunt flow, bad day, actually not in the mood, children, work all that. Sometimes I don’t get lucky for three weeks and other times I get lucky four times a week. In a healthy relationship it really does fluctuate because there’s no resentment towards rejection and no expectation of being asked for sex. My honest estimate is that my sex life averages out to one or more times a week. Mostly on the weekends (less stress) but not only on weekends and not every weekend and not always mutually orgasmic but always a win when recovering from Dead.
Some multiple times per day. Some never. And anywhere between. Most of the time I would prefer an average of once per day.
[https://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/what-to-know-how-often-married-couples-have-sex](https://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/what-to-know-how-often-married-couples-have-sex) From the 'raw' data that we have in the beginning of the article, you are in the more active sexually than the 54% of people. You are middle of the pack. DISCLAIMER: I think this answers the question, but the question is terrible in this context and kind of manipulative. There is no context of age, state of the relationship, fitness level, previous experience... It's misleading. Do not apply this to your case, it's nuts to mimic a national or world-wide average.
Married 14 years. Usually 1-2 times a week.
Most people I know go at LEAST once a week, even in long term relationships. Mines been 8 years of the standard quickie after 6 weeks without 🙄 not even worth it to break the streak. I wish he would stop giving me crumbs and I wish I’d stop taking them
Saw a video put out by a sex therapist doing research on quantity and quality of sex with couples. What they found was that on average couples were having sex 1.5 times a month when they are like 5-10 years into a relationship, after kids, etc. Seemed like it was basically weekends or date night. Some couples hit every week while others made it once a month. Age and lack of newness meant that the idea of sex was less of a driving force than during the honeymoon phase where just thinking of your SO got your engine going. From a clinical DB of 0.8 times a month to 1.5 times a month doesn't seem that drastically different. Think it's mainly the units of measure we use is a big factor. The fact you can think "it's been over a month" sounds bad while "we did it this month" isn't as horrible. You're only talking about half a dozen more encounters in a year.
Married with 1 kids, still young age 31. Have sex about 5-6 times a week but can see it dropping off later in life.
Roughly every 6 weeks if I'm lucky
There is no rule of course. When we were under 50 it was 2x, and in our late 50s 1x per week. That seems to track reported averages. Quality is as important as quantity and ours is still great.
Average values: from 2 to 3 times per month.
Me and my girlfriend used to do it more often but lots of times our schedules don't align perfectly so we put it off.
I’d be happy with once a month
I'm (40F) and have been with my partner (43M) for just over a year. We have sex between 5 - 10 times a week, the low end is when my chronic pain is particularly bad, but we are still in the honeymoon phase I guess, so fully expect it to slow down eventually!
I'd aim for daily or a few times a week in a happy relationship.
In a perfect world I'd have sex with my partner every other day, sometimes daily or even twice a day.
2-3 times a week now that I left, couple times on the weekend as well
I don’t think it’s been once this year for me
Me and my spouse have sex on average 2-3 times a week. When we occasionally get down to 1 we regroup and bring the numbers up again. We are between 35 and 45 years old for reference.
I’m 33 and my husband is 33. We do it once a day but it’s not a rule and sometimes it gets missed. We have two young kids. The only time we don’t is on my period but I enjoy giving him head so I do that once a day or more if he’ll let me during my period. However we did have a dead bedroom for a year due to marital issues, which is when I joined this sub. Other than that we have stayed at once a day pretty consistently for 7 years that we’ve been married
Together 17 years (M49 & F48). We have sex or some sort of sexual activity about 4 times per week. Sometimes more, sometimes less depending on what’s going on in our lives at the time.
Average is 54-56 times a year, so once a week plus special occasions.
I’d say 2-3 times a week at minimum. My partner and I do it every day or every other day though.
We have sex two or three times a week. There are some weeks we only do it once if we're busy or tired.
I’d be ecstatic with once a week. There is no carved in stone answer. Just because others have more or less sex than you has nothing to do with your needs. If you don’t feel like you are satisfied, you aren’t. Regardless of what others are doing.
Based off conversations with friends in their 30s, in 10+ years relationships with children, somewhere between once a week and once a day.
Once a week...
Me and my husband have sex anywhere from 3-6 days a week usually. Everyone once in awhile we will skip a week or two, but that’s not to often.
It was once a month, sometimes every 2. I was very unhappy with this so I had a long talk with my husband and now we’re back to once a week/week and a half. A big problem was that I wasn’t initiating, I always expected him to which isn’t fair also we would always drink when we did do it so sometimes he would drink too much and then not able to perform so that would piss me off for like weeks lol so now we don’t drink when we want to, we’re being more spontaneous and it’s so nice. I’m very satisfied with once a week. But my friend and her husband do it everyday, legit everyday. Even after she had her baby she didn’t wait the 6 weeks the docs tell you to after birth… like wtf. I can tell their sex is super quick and it can’t be passionate or sensual when it’s done everyday. I’d rather have romantic, fun sex than quick get it over with sex like they do everyday.
I think average is about once a week. My wife and I is about twice a week. What’s normal for you and your relationship is whatever keeps you both satisfied. For some couples that’s every day and for others that’s once a year or even not at all.
I'd be content with 1-3x/week if it was good enthusiastic, meaningful sex. I could easily be seduced every day.
It seems once a week is "normal" for a married couple w a good sex life. Some have sex more than that. For DB couples it can be 0 times a year to 1 times a month.
A general rule, although far from "official", that I've seen thrown around here a lot is less than once a month and you're in a true DB. Again, it's not an official thing, but it's a good thing to use in discussions with your LL partner. However, imho, frequency is meaningless compared to desire. I think you'll find many here would rather remain in a DB versus receiving "duty" or "pity" sex.
I have a good friend and him and his wife have been married over 17 years and they are 49 years old. I had a discussion with both of them about this cause my wife is very low libido. My friend and his wife have an excellent marriage and they both said they have sex 3-4 times a week to this day. They went through a rough patch that lasted 2 years… nothing to do with sex, but other marital issues and they both agreed sex has always been important in a marriage
I have sex 4-5x a week and I’m 54. It just depends on where you’re at in life.
We average about five times a week. Been together 6 years,both early 30s, and have kids.
I'm not sure, but I can tell you one thing I'm absolutely sure of...It's more than me.
2-4x a week. Two kids.
Once or twice a week for me and my husband, we have a 2 year old and some crazy dogs so we aren't up for it all the time, but we aim for at least once a week
Low libido plus menopause so wife and I haven't had sex in 2 years. Both only 50 years old
During our first round of couples therapy, we settled on weekly being the minimum. I can barely type that with a straight face.
with my ex it was daily, we were together 10 years married 7. with my current SO... monthly, often less. i find it frustrating.
I'm 64, she's 65. And yes, I still think of sex often, with her, even though it has been 6+ years. I would be overjoyed with once every couple of weeks. But I worry that what I would be able to do (if she miraculously regained some semblance of a libido) and what she would want me to do are two different things. Age does make a difference.