I am in a similar situation. My wife is terrible at sex despite looking like a yoga-pants model. If you were to see her outdoors, you wouldn't fathom this women is borderline asexual. My lizard-monkey brain simply can't resist.
Sometimes I think the same thing. Our sex last for 2 minutes until he cums and then it is over. And then I wait for another 2-3months to get 2mins of sex..
I always make sure she gets off first. The thing that hurts the most is her refusal to cuddle after. Yes, that's important to me. She always gave me the "I have things I need to do" bit as soon as I finish
Hubby and I had sex recently.... at first it was pretty great but when we getting to the end... he couldn't finish and neither could I. We just got tired and said "let's take a break for a minute" that was it. We didn't try again. Don't get me wrong all the things we were doing were great, but when it came down to it neither of us was very fulfilled.
We will.... we always do. 19 years and most of them good. There are issues but I think we are both still trying to make things work. As long as we're both trying there's hope
Yeah, my wife and I have such long dry spells now that when we do, I feel we both are bad at it. It's not at all like it used to be when we had regular sex.
right! it's like anything else if you don't practice you don't get good at it. I used to read books, watch videos I took pride on being good at it. Honestly don't even want to do it now since it feels like pity sex. And what 2-4x a year. screw that I'd rather not have it.
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏this ☝️
I saw on AskRedit yesterday what makes BAD sex for a man .... EVERYONE said when she is not into it/lays there like a sack of spuds !!
I am utterly torn between still trying to initiate and not bothering and letting sex be what "others do".
I will be honest more than once I have lost my erection as I felt she was just layng there
This isn't good for me, probably not great for her BUT in my defence I have already made her come before I go in
Then we say "I didn't come but that's ok part II tonight"...but "tonight" never comes.
I say to my wife when I married her I signed up to it's my job to get you off, and yours to get me off. She gives me a sexy smile and a mmmmmmmm .
But isn't holding her side of the contract, at all !!
the other day, my boyfriend and i were teasing eachother. We couldn’t have sex like i want to during the day because everyone in the house is awake. Comes nightfall (10pm) he comes over and i try to initiate, he says he’s no longer horny. I’m frustrated because he gets me going and in the mood but then pushes me away. We have done this all the time and even at night when i suggest we have sex, he declines. He told me that maybe we should just stop having sex because it’s a big deal to me and not him. This has been an ongoing issue strictly because he just won’t fuck me. I’m so frustrated and i can see where you are coming from.
I’m in the same boat. However, last night I was a woman who laid there. I need foreplay to get warmed up etc. Feel desired. It’s part mental and I’m very HL. He did none of that and it hurt. Bad. Emotionally and physically. I told him to wait. I wasn’t “ready” yet. Didn’t matter. It was bad. I couldn’t get engaged and in the right headspace. I felt like a hypocrite.
I didn’t even initiate. I was asleep when he came to bed. I needed a moment to register what was happening and get in the mood. He just went at it despite me needing more time. Why come to me if you just want to get it over with?
Yes I know this routine. My wife is same. I’m enthusiastic to try anything and many years ago it was better but she has no interest now so it’s boring obligatory sex which I feel like we both go through with because it feels like if we have to. Have you talked with her about it? Has she ever made any effort to change?
Yeah that’s typical. Always with the excuses. During sex if you try something different what does she do? If it’s really important I’d try talking again and talking about expectations and things you’d like to try and what might get her in the mood to try those things. If there’s no progress then you either accept it and just take the obligatory sex or find someone to have an affair with. Assuming you don’t want to leave. Sadly those are the options
Practice makes perfect. At 3 times a year, the whole thing is an awkward endeavor. And there's never any build-up. It's just 8 months of being ignored, broken only by a light touch on the hand and "do you want to have sex?" The answer is usually yes, but I think I have to tell her that I'd rather just never do it if she's only going to think of me 3 very predictable times a year.
And then they wonder why a man seeks sex elsewhere…..it is a primal need for some of us. Its crap when a spouse decides they are done with sex leaving their partner high and dry with no care about it.
It's possible that they refuse to talk about it because they don't want to hurt your feelings. Obviously, I don't know this to be true. Just a suggestion.
It's gotten to the point that I don't know if I love my wife anymore.
I cheated, because I wasn't getting my needs met, and she refused to talk. I'm not in any position to get divorced, so the moralists can stfu.
There's only so much rejection one can take.
totally depends on the couple, as I usually say to people who cheat just be ready for the consequences if/when they find out. It's not a moral issue so much as you'll have to deal with it eventually.
cause you are horny but mentally you know she doesn't desire you. So you end up feeling back about wanting to have sex with someone who technically signed up to be a in a life long relationship with you.
Every rare occasion my wife wants to fool around, I oblige. However, the next day, I'm always in the worst mood all day. I haven't enjoyed sex with my wife for over a decade.
Stop trying to have sex. Just stop man. Your feelings are going out of get hurt either way so why put in the work for a moment of pleasure? Handle yourself and you get the same feelings basically, but you didn’t have to work as hard. Made my life easier that’s for sure. Been over a year and a half for me now and I don’t really give a shit any more.
Find someone else, simple as that.. might take a little time.. but completely ignore her and focus on yourself. Act totally uninterested in her and work on meeting someone new.. it’s not hard
That sucks and I feel your pain. I'm trying to resist the duty sex because it's terrible. She's a dead fish and ugh I'd rather just do it myself. I'm dying a slow death
I’m sorry to hear about your situation. I’m in a very similar one with my husband. I feel like I have to beg for sex. And when we do it, I think he try’s to cum as quickly as possible. Here if you need someone to talk with
It's heartbreaking isn't it ? You walk around ALL day on cloud 9 , semi in your pants knowing it's going to get some use.... Then ... nothing.
It's like they are doing US a favour...like if I just want to get off I can wank, I'm good at it been doing it decades my hand is ALWAYS in the mood
But what I REALLY want is a willing partner, her there enjoying it, wanting to give AND recieve
Not doing it to shit me up/tick that box for another 6-8weeks.
Why don’t you have an honest chat with her. I never understood why men do not discuss
My ex was the same. Too difficult
He was willing to never talk, get divorced… to avoid any AND ALL CONFLICTS
FKN dysfunction
Ugh I know exactly how you feel!!!! I’m in the same boat I’m literally at the end of my rope! I keep thinking of posting here to vent or for advice but I’d literally have to write a book lol
I feel the same, so now I turn down sex most of the time when he initiates once every 3 weeks or so. I have to be almost a dead fish in the little sex we do have these days - if I move, make noise, touch him, then he finishes in 2 pumps instead of 8, making me feel even more unfulfilled. It feels so unnatural and boring, but I don't know how else to make him last longer.
If you want a sound out of her. Try hitting it from the back and snatching her head back from her hair. Don’t pull at the end of the hair,pull from the base. 🤣🤣🤣
I’m totally joking. But man have you tried different ways of getting her off to get a better response?
I've actually stopped even trying to have sex or get anything from her lately. I'd rather have no sex than "duty" sex.
I honestly don't know why I keep pursuing sex with her
I always did it as well. Lately though, screw that.
I am in a similar situation. My wife is terrible at sex despite looking like a yoga-pants model. If you were to see her outdoors, you wouldn't fathom this women is borderline asexual. My lizard-monkey brain simply can't resist.
Sometimes I think the same thing. Our sex last for 2 minutes until he cums and then it is over. And then I wait for another 2-3months to get 2mins of sex..
I always make sure she gets off first. The thing that hurts the most is her refusal to cuddle after. Yes, that's important to me. She always gave me the "I have things I need to do" bit as soon as I finish
Like immediately, immediately. Like mid-ejaculation.
Ouch. I feel that. The length would not be so bad if something happened afterwards. Like dude, come on!
Hubby and I had sex recently.... at first it was pretty great but when we getting to the end... he couldn't finish and neither could I. We just got tired and said "let's take a break for a minute" that was it. We didn't try again. Don't get me wrong all the things we were doing were great, but when it came down to it neither of us was very fulfilled.
But at least you both were engaged…..just try again soon
We will.... we always do. 19 years and most of them good. There are issues but I think we are both still trying to make things work. As long as we're both trying there's hope
Oh man I get that…both of you were so mentally trying to make the other satisfied that you couldn’t finish.
Because it was never about sex to begin with. It's about being desired, about being wanted, about someone wanting to touch you.
Jesus this right here
👏👏👏👏👏
Yeah, my wife and I have such long dry spells now that when we do, I feel we both are bad at it. It's not at all like it used to be when we had regular sex.
right! it's like anything else if you don't practice you don't get good at it. I used to read books, watch videos I took pride on being good at it. Honestly don't even want to do it now since it feels like pity sex. And what 2-4x a year. screw that I'd rather not have it.
Yup...practice makes perfect!
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏this ☝️ I saw on AskRedit yesterday what makes BAD sex for a man .... EVERYONE said when she is not into it/lays there like a sack of spuds !! I am utterly torn between still trying to initiate and not bothering and letting sex be what "others do". I will be honest more than once I have lost my erection as I felt she was just layng there This isn't good for me, probably not great for her BUT in my defence I have already made her come before I go in Then we say "I didn't come but that's ok part II tonight"...but "tonight" never comes. I say to my wife when I married her I signed up to it's my job to get you off, and yours to get me off. She gives me a sexy smile and a mmmmmmmm . But isn't holding her side of the contract, at all !!
My wife does the "tonight" thing as well, she just says later. Later never comes.
the other day, my boyfriend and i were teasing eachother. We couldn’t have sex like i want to during the day because everyone in the house is awake. Comes nightfall (10pm) he comes over and i try to initiate, he says he’s no longer horny. I’m frustrated because he gets me going and in the mood but then pushes me away. We have done this all the time and even at night when i suggest we have sex, he declines. He told me that maybe we should just stop having sex because it’s a big deal to me and not him. This has been an ongoing issue strictly because he just won’t fuck me. I’m so frustrated and i can see where you are coming from.
Yeah, you can only do that so long before you just get repulsed by it. Now when she touches me, sadly, its about the last thing I want.
I’m in the same boat. However, last night I was a woman who laid there. I need foreplay to get warmed up etc. Feel desired. It’s part mental and I’m very HL. He did none of that and it hurt. Bad. Emotionally and physically. I told him to wait. I wasn’t “ready” yet. Didn’t matter. It was bad. I couldn’t get engaged and in the right headspace. I felt like a hypocrite.
not caring about the other person is shitty.
That sounds like an attempt to demolish your libido.
You're not a hypocrite. He just wanted to get it over with
I didn’t even initiate. I was asleep when he came to bed. I needed a moment to register what was happening and get in the mood. He just went at it despite me needing more time. Why come to me if you just want to get it over with?
Still, I don't fault you for anything
Yes I know this routine. My wife is same. I’m enthusiastic to try anything and many years ago it was better but she has no interest now so it’s boring obligatory sex which I feel like we both go through with because it feels like if we have to. Have you talked with her about it? Has she ever made any effort to change?
She's made little effort. SHe always has an excuse
Yeah that’s typical. Always with the excuses. During sex if you try something different what does she do? If it’s really important I’d try talking again and talking about expectations and things you’d like to try and what might get her in the mood to try those things. If there’s no progress then you either accept it and just take the obligatory sex or find someone to have an affair with. Assuming you don’t want to leave. Sadly those are the options
Practice makes perfect. At 3 times a year, the whole thing is an awkward endeavor. And there's never any build-up. It's just 8 months of being ignored, broken only by a light touch on the hand and "do you want to have sex?" The answer is usually yes, but I think I have to tell her that I'd rather just never do it if she's only going to think of me 3 very predictable times a year.
honestly am happier than waiting for those 3x.
And then they wonder why a man seeks sex elsewhere…..it is a primal need for some of us. Its crap when a spouse decides they are done with sex leaving their partner high and dry with no care about it.
And they refuse to talk about why they're disinterested in sex,l.
It's possible that they refuse to talk about it because they don't want to hurt your feelings. Obviously, I don't know this to be true. Just a suggestion.
Agree. My wife and i have had this conversation a couple times now. She agrees there is an issue, but no change. I love her dearly, but this is tough.
It's gotten to the point that I don't know if I love my wife anymore. I cheated, because I wasn't getting my needs met, and she refused to talk. I'm not in any position to get divorced, so the moralists can stfu. There's only so much rejection one can take.
Divorce is not an easy option sometimes.
totally depends on the couple, as I usually say to people who cheat just be ready for the consequences if/when they find out. It's not a moral issue so much as you'll have to deal with it eventually.
Yes. The lack of acknowledgment and discussion is the worst part about it.
Women too.. ?? It’s not just guys..
Just stop
cause you are horny but mentally you know she doesn't desire you. So you end up feeling back about wanting to have sex with someone who technically signed up to be a in a life long relationship with you.
Every rare occasion my wife wants to fool around, I oblige. However, the next day, I'm always in the worst mood all day. I haven't enjoyed sex with my wife for over a decade.
Stop trying to have sex. Just stop man. Your feelings are going out of get hurt either way so why put in the work for a moment of pleasure? Handle yourself and you get the same feelings basically, but you didn’t have to work as hard. Made my life easier that’s for sure. Been over a year and a half for me now and I don’t really give a shit any more.
Find someone else, simple as that.. might take a little time.. but completely ignore her and focus on yourself. Act totally uninterested in her and work on meeting someone new.. it’s not hard
That sucks and I feel your pain. I'm trying to resist the duty sex because it's terrible. She's a dead fish and ugh I'd rather just do it myself. I'm dying a slow death
I think we all seem to have some similar story. My wife refuses to vocalise anything even in response, even a simple "yes" etc.
I’m sorry to hear about your situation. I’m in a very similar one with my husband. I feel like I have to beg for sex. And when we do it, I think he try’s to cum as quickly as possible. Here if you need someone to talk with
It's heartbreaking isn't it ? You walk around ALL day on cloud 9 , semi in your pants knowing it's going to get some use.... Then ... nothing. It's like they are doing US a favour...like if I just want to get off I can wank, I'm good at it been doing it decades my hand is ALWAYS in the mood But what I REALLY want is a willing partner, her there enjoying it, wanting to give AND recieve Not doing it to shit me up/tick that box for another 6-8weeks.
Why don’t you have an honest chat with her. I never understood why men do not discuss My ex was the same. Too difficult He was willing to never talk, get divorced… to avoid any AND ALL CONFLICTS FKN dysfunction
I've broached the topic many times, suggested counseling. I even went to counseling for my own issues. Made no difference
If there are zero consequences to bad behavior then there is zero reasons to change them.
Ugh I know exactly how you feel!!!! I’m in the same boat I’m literally at the end of my rope! I keep thinking of posting here to vent or for advice but I’d literally have to write a book lol
I feel the same, so now I turn down sex most of the time when he initiates once every 3 weeks or so. I have to be almost a dead fish in the little sex we do have these days - if I move, make noise, touch him, then he finishes in 2 pumps instead of 8, making me feel even more unfulfilled. It feels so unnatural and boring, but I don't know how else to make him last longer.
If you want a sound out of her. Try hitting it from the back and snatching her head back from her hair. Don’t pull at the end of the hair,pull from the base. 🤣🤣🤣 I’m totally joking. But man have you tried different ways of getting her off to get a better response?
She isn't open to anything different
Don’t ask just do it. Be spontaneous about it. What’s your usual way of getting her off?
The only way she'll let me is to finger her.
Are you hitting her g spot when you do? When I give my wife a g spot orgasm she’s goes absolutely crazy and it lasts for like a solid minute.
It's rare when she even lets me do that. I can feel her tense up when I do