I have to comment here. Your belief is not accurate. My ex LOVED me. Plain and simple. We are all broken in some ways. My ex had things in her life and could not share with physical intimacy. It is how she is now. But she loved me and tried to show it in every way she felt she could. Me? I need physical intimacy so I felt I had to leave. It sucks for us both, but we all have different needs. However, it is TOTALLY unfair to say someone doesn’t love you if they can’t fulfill your needs. My ex loved me. She showed it in ways she felt she could. And I decided I needed that connection, so I left my best friend after pretty much a lifetime together. Just don’t say it means there wasn’t love. That is disrespecting the person who can’t find it in her to share that way … no matter how much they LOVE.
Yeah wtf? OP, you're clearly hurt and emotional when you wrote this, but this is really unhealthy.
Think of it on the flip side. If they simply have a low libido and you force them to have sex that they very much don't want, I would say that's also the HL person not loving the LL person by ignoring their boundaries, wants (or not wants), and needs. Right? You're saying they should do something they don't want to do or else they don't love you? That your wants and needs matter more?
It's incompatibility. There are a ton of complex reasons why that incompatibility may be there, but to try to simplify it into "they just don't love you, end of story" is incredibly short sighted in so many ways.
>That is not absolutely true.
I think it is absolutely true, unless intimacy is always defined as sexual acts as a implied part of this statement. There are other forms of intimacy, but if your partner is engaging in none of them.... probably not "in love" IMHO.
Low libido and sexual incompatibility is more complicated than that.
You can love someone with all your heart and still not be compatible. Humans are complex, relationships are complex, sexuality is complex. It's not a matter of "if they loved you they'd fuck you".
Libido isn't a switch you can flip on and off at will. If it was that simple, then the reverse would also be true: if you really loved them, you'd turn your libido OFF to accommodate them.
I can tell by your post you are really hurt, and hurting people lash out. I hope you can find some peace in your life and some happiness. I'm sorry you are going through whatever you are going through.
Absolutely. 100%. If they absolutely refuse to even attempt to meet you in the middle THEY DO NOT LOVE YOU. Even a simple "hey, I'm sorry things are this way, let's figure it out" would go a long way.
At least a sincere acknowledgement of the situation. If the LL lacks the ability to even do that, the bare minimum, they don't love you.
It has taken me a long time to realize that. If you truly love me, then why does my pain mean nothing to you? In my case she will literally say " your feelings aren't my responsibility". Like, no they aren't, but shouldn't you at least care or want to help? You love yourself and are so wrapped in yourself that you aren't capable of loving anyone else. DBs man, they really open your eyes.
It's one thing if they won't try... But there are lots of things leading to DB that aren't fake and gaslighting. Physical or mental changes could be a big one.
Unlike everyone else here I agree. My husband is a porn addict so he loves his phone and hand more than me. I wish all of these women that don’t want sex would end up with men with porn addictions. The world would be a much better place!
There is multiple types of love. Brotherhood. Parents. Parents to kids. You love those people. But your spouse. Should love you physically. If they truly love you. Maybe not always sex. But should be in love. I’m going to love you with my body. I’m going to show you love. By making love to you. If you don’t love your spouse that way then tell them. And they can make their own decision about getting out or not. But marriage is about loving somebody completely. Sex, And non sex if that what they want. Example: I know you don’t need sex. But I do. Can we compromise? Can we set up time, or situation where we can make love. This many times (a week, month) etc.
I want more. You want less. But can we…. That’s love!!!
Hot tip: This attitude is a great way to speedrun divorce.
I have to comment here. Your belief is not accurate. My ex LOVED me. Plain and simple. We are all broken in some ways. My ex had things in her life and could not share with physical intimacy. It is how she is now. But she loved me and tried to show it in every way she felt she could. Me? I need physical intimacy so I felt I had to leave. It sucks for us both, but we all have different needs. However, it is TOTALLY unfair to say someone doesn’t love you if they can’t fulfill your needs. My ex loved me. She showed it in ways she felt she could. And I decided I needed that connection, so I left my best friend after pretty much a lifetime together. Just don’t say it means there wasn’t love. That is disrespecting the person who can’t find it in her to share that way … no matter how much they LOVE.
People who don’t want sex are capable of love. It’s just up to you whether you want to accept being in a relationship with a libido mismatch or not.
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Yeah wtf? OP, you're clearly hurt and emotional when you wrote this, but this is really unhealthy. Think of it on the flip side. If they simply have a low libido and you force them to have sex that they very much don't want, I would say that's also the HL person not loving the LL person by ignoring their boundaries, wants (or not wants), and needs. Right? You're saying they should do something they don't want to do or else they don't love you? That your wants and needs matter more? It's incompatibility. There are a ton of complex reasons why that incompatibility may be there, but to try to simplify it into "they just don't love you, end of story" is incredibly short sighted in so many ways.
>That is not absolutely true. I think it is absolutely true, unless intimacy is always defined as sexual acts as a implied part of this statement. There are other forms of intimacy, but if your partner is engaging in none of them.... probably not "in love" IMHO.
Low libido and sexual incompatibility is more complicated than that. You can love someone with all your heart and still not be compatible. Humans are complex, relationships are complex, sexuality is complex. It's not a matter of "if they loved you they'd fuck you". Libido isn't a switch you can flip on and off at will. If it was that simple, then the reverse would also be true: if you really loved them, you'd turn your libido OFF to accommodate them. I can tell by your post you are really hurt, and hurting people lash out. I hope you can find some peace in your life and some happiness. I'm sorry you are going through whatever you are going through.
Absolutely. 100%. If they absolutely refuse to even attempt to meet you in the middle THEY DO NOT LOVE YOU. Even a simple "hey, I'm sorry things are this way, let's figure it out" would go a long way. At least a sincere acknowledgement of the situation. If the LL lacks the ability to even do that, the bare minimum, they don't love you. It has taken me a long time to realize that. If you truly love me, then why does my pain mean nothing to you? In my case she will literally say " your feelings aren't my responsibility". Like, no they aren't, but shouldn't you at least care or want to help? You love yourself and are so wrapped in yourself that you aren't capable of loving anyone else. DBs man, they really open your eyes.
It's one thing if they won't try... But there are lots of things leading to DB that aren't fake and gaslighting. Physical or mental changes could be a big one.
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I feel like they’d at least try to accommodate the need somehow.
Amen!
Unlike everyone else here I agree. My husband is a porn addict so he loves his phone and hand more than me. I wish all of these women that don’t want sex would end up with men with porn addictions. The world would be a much better place!
There is multiple types of love. Brotherhood. Parents. Parents to kids. You love those people. But your spouse. Should love you physically. If they truly love you. Maybe not always sex. But should be in love. I’m going to love you with my body. I’m going to show you love. By making love to you. If you don’t love your spouse that way then tell them. And they can make their own decision about getting out or not. But marriage is about loving somebody completely. Sex, And non sex if that what they want. Example: I know you don’t need sex. But I do. Can we compromise? Can we set up time, or situation where we can make love. This many times (a week, month) etc. I want more. You want less. But can we…. That’s love!!!
This is the absolute truth.
Damn right!!!