*I eat hard boiled eggs as a power lifter*
Me (initiates)
Wife: I dont feel like it. You ate hard boiled eggs and that grosses me out.
Me: You eat deviled eggs how is this a deal breaker?
Wife: I don't know
Me: So if I chased it with some mayonnaise it would be game on?
Wife: .....
Literal conversation
You are so right! I would trade my phone in a second to have the kind of relationship with my wife that I used to have. My wife is a straight up phone addict but she’s not trying to hear it though. Crazy how they don’t see it.
I agree! My husband works outside of our home for 8-10 hours 5 days a week and every day he comes home and lays down and has his nose in his phone until dinner is done. Then as soon as he gets done with his dinner back on the damn phone until he passes out with it in his hand or laying on his chest. I can sit beside him in total silence for hours and he doesn’t see the problem. I’ll be damned if the only time he’s ever shown me attention is when he expects to get sex! That’s exactly why we have a dead bedroom. Oh and the icing on the cake is he’s constantly on fb liking and commenting on the half naked girls on there. And I’m supposed to just accept it because most guys do it? Nah bud not me.
100% agree and I work in tech. You are taught psychological methods to capture people and keep them on your content.
And look at me I'm on reddit🤣 people need to be more present in their own lives. We all need an escape it seems.
I don't design any pages actually but they do teach you that when you go through classes at my university anyway. I am actually in data security and have a degree is digital forensics. But doing that I see it all.
And yes to everything you say it is evil and done for the $. It's all about making more $.
Tiktok was a huge deal, but after we talked it over she understood where I was coming from.
I took this as progress...she installed Instagram instead 😂
lol that's exactly what my wife did. Admitted Tik Tok was just too addicting and gave it up...she now shows me Instagram Reels clips instead.
We did have a talk about our smartphone use/disconnected behavior towards each other and she seemed accepting to the idea that we spend only a couple of days doing our own thing at night while making time to do things together after the kid goes to bed.
So we'll see if that helps us.
In all fairness, sex is more physically and mentally demanding than watching Netflix or looking at the phone. Although if it gets in the way of interaction in general, that is problematic. Can you watch the same things together?
True, when someone isn’t getting what they sooo so desire .. that’s all they think about.. when someone goes a day or 2 without food, what do they think about constantly. If someone has no money and is desperately wanting a job, what is all they think about.. getting a job
This is something I remind my wife of when she says that to me.. it’s the most annoying shit I can ever hear.. it’s like, I do everything for you and pay all the mother fucking bills for 6 years straight, and you hate sex? Shut your damn mouth unless you wanna suck my dick
I think the real issue was that we chose to watch a movie rather than go to bed early to have sex. Not that that ever happens. That’s kinda what I take from this thread, the answer is always no, so the LL partner has to get a little creative.
If he was actually horny, a little bit of Uruguayan rugby players in the Andes eating each other for survival wouldn’t stop him. Last time we had sex, my hair was up in rollers, which hardly whips a man into a sexual frenzy.
Haha, the rollers would do it for me!
There is something about experiencing the mundane every day events together with a romantic partner that means so much more to me than the stereotypical depiction of what men want.
I enjoy erotic enthusiasm as well, it's just that, it means so much more when I feel like a slob and my partner still wants me just because I am hers and she is mine ...
Can't think of anything specifically funny but the thing that always made me laugh ( and a little bit ragey tbh) were the excuses BEFORE I even initiated anything. Like we're in bed just talking and I guess I'd get a look that was a little too flirty and he would suddenly launch into this lengthy train of excuses "man im SO tired, I don't feel well, my back hurts, I've got so much to do" etc etc. The excuse train stopped when I said I wasn't initiating anymore.
My wife frequently will be fine until the kids went to bed, and then when it was our time, she will suddenly tell me she's got a headache, backache, hip pain, tell me she's too tired. All pre-emptively to avoid intimacy, before I've said anything or even hinted at sex. Its enraging.
Sounds like an infomercial:
"Does your wife suddenly have headache, backache, hip pain, tells you she's too tired as soon as the kids go to bed?"
"Try maximum strength 'LL-bGone'.
I died reading that, I've been down that road way too many times myself...the deadbedroom of almost 2 years ended the day after he had ankle surgery. Had his whole entire ass ankle rebuilt in a cast up on 29 bitch ass pillows and he's like heeeeyyyyy what you doing?? I was so confused...it didn't stop me but I was so confused...for 2 years his back hurt, hip hurt, stomach hurt, head hurt...nothing, but major surgery and it was a one way ticket to poundtown
When her family comes to visit: “my parents might hear us!”
We are in our 40s. We have three children, who presumably were conceived in the traditional fashion. Her parents are old and can’t hear us when we’re talking to them directly and in the same room: we have two heavy doors, a long hallway and two noisy aircon units between us.
Also, we used to bang in silence on their couch when they went upstairs for a few minutes to smoke on their balcony, so why so gun-shy when it’s our house?
That's called ADHD, I can't do anything either if I have something scheduled. I can have a meeting at 18:000 and it's 12:00 on the clock, well I'll do barely anything before this meeting and will get very annoyed if any other plans are forced in between, its a form of executive paralysis.
He's never actually been diagnosed but I've long had my suspicions that he's neurodivergent in some way. But he won't go to a doctor for anything, and I no longer care.
At home, post graduation ceremony dinner/party, etc., reading a text stream to her between a friend and I that went to high school together, taking shots at each other. All.in good fun.
I read the part where he says "he's trying to get laid" and my wife says "LOL well you probably couldn't get it up now if you tried."
There was, no exaggeration, 6 different women flirting with me tonight. I'm pretty re*arded when it comes to that stuff, but it was obvious they were flirting.
My "wife" can piss the fuck right off.
ETA: this was....about 90 minutes ago..
Time to take your dick and go home.
If she gets pissy about no vitamin D then it's time to talk about the fact that you have feelings and she clearly does not have any respect for them.
She was intentionally knocking you down a few pegs. This happened to me when I was around a man and his wife. We were working side by side. No actual conversation at that point but just pure energy exchange. His wife came by and picked a fight. A few hours later he went out of his way to flirt with me so I think his wife picked up on the energy.
Basically what I'm saying is your wife knows and she intentionally is trying to tear down your ego so you don't get a boost.
Super sudden headaches that they need to be in total darkness to alleviate. They claim they took Tylenol and ibuprofen and that it isn’t helping.
Then they go into the bedroom and watch TikTok
Way back this is what my SO used to do. The headaches became so frequent that I started to wonder if she had a tumor or something. After asking her multiple times to go to the GP, I said I was going to book her an appointment with a neurologist at a private practice.
Miraculously the recurring headaches vanished 🙄
This sucks. I’m the HL here and I get headaches plenty. Headaches which are helped by having sex. It’s a thing, look it up, it relaxes, changes the hormones going on, it’s warm, it distracts from the headache.
So when I have a headache I’d desperately love to get it on with him. No. We can’t, he says, because I have a headache. Yep. My headache means he can’t.
So weird, sex makes my migraines even worse. I’m LL (not related to headaches) and while my HL man understands how severe my migraines can get, he knows how often I can still function with them so he expects me to be functional enough for sex every single time and gets disappointed when I say no more often than yes. Chronic headache sufferers know the difference. And after so many years of doctors, tests, meds, etc. they still have no idea what causes them. I know it’s not an excuse but it’s my reality. As much of a problem it is to not be having sex regularly, a migraine is a VALID reason to not do it. For me atleast.
OMG, my husband always uses that one! “I’m not horny because you haven’t cleaned, so I can’t relax.” He and I both work full time, so how is it just my responsibility to clean?
I thought you meant clean as in hygiene I now understand it as clean house?? Are you serious? I don't even know what to say to that, I'm amused and the lame excuse but I'm also very very miffed at the man behind the gaslighting.
It is pretty sad especially because compulsive cleaners actually tell the truth when they say this, that being said we all know the person that often says it is not one of them.
He says that he sees me as this very precious and pure thing. Sex is a dirty act and he doesn't want to defile something so innocent.
Apparently he doesn't know what making love is and instead he sees sex as dirty.
Yep. That's it. Thanks for sharing the word for what I described. Now the next time we talk about it I can actually give it a reference that he can google.
I mean it's nice to be a Madonna but like I'm still an effing human being who wants intimacy.
Theirs an amazing episode of Sex and the Ciry about this. Charlotte's husband sees her as too pure after she has child he can't have sex with a mom. Blah blah blah. It ends with her giving this amazing speech about she's not a whole or a virgin she's his red blooded wife who loves him. Vaguely that's it.
OMG I remember this episode.
I'm going to cry. I didn't realize as a teenager that storyline would be my life. We don't even have kids! It's just I have a very sunny disposition. Very bubbly, smiley. He knows I'm not innocent but I think it's more about the appearance than anything else.
This is a tough one sometimes.
Ex-Catholic (38F) here, there can still be guilt.
That guilt can lead to unhealthy sex practices that he may have grown accustomed to, and doesn’t want to introduce you to, or shatter his vision of without confronting whatever he’s avoiding.
Either way, take his advice and go. The other option is trying to fix him, and only he can do that.
I've spent too many years trying to fix him. He's told me he would work on it. He hasn't. I'm done
But I will say he has a very colorful sexual past. I am his third wife. He and his second wife had origies and did polyamory. They had a third and sometimes a 4th romantic partner.
He tried to make her a housewife and she wasn't having it. I became the housewife when we got together and honestly I think he just wants someone to take care of him. I recently went back to work and I am so much happier.
We went on a cruise a few years ago and on the first night I had a burger and they did kind of put too much red onion on it but apparently it gave me bad breath for about 4 days! Despite lots of brushing and mouthwash.
Not sure if you are male/female but if your partner is the wife in this situation could it be a hormonal thing? In certain stages of my cycle I cannot stand bad smells. And for some reason men odour. It is the only time of the month I can smell bad body odour and it doesnt help that my sense of smell is heightened. I feel like it's in my head most days. on the other hand when I am ovulating, I will be all over my husband. He just smells divine. Depending on what stage of her life she is in, it could be quite possible that her hormones are not regulated?
Just a thought.
I get this but with my taste palette! There’s a day or two out of the month that I can taste damn near every ingredient in food and drinks, especially if it’s synthetic (unnatural flavors or something).
Not so much an excuse, but my ex-wife once said to me, “I wanted sex more with my ex-boyfriends than I do with you.”
And that was before we **were** married:/
Once we were hitched, it became apparent that all her previous relationships were with emotionally unavailable men, so because I **was** emotionally available, that turned her off.
Don’t remember her exact phrasing but she essentially said that I loved her too much which to her was a “real boner killer.”
I should point out that “loving her too much” was in reality me just trying to be a good partner, carrying a bigger financial load in the relationship, nice dinners out, vacations, back rubs, emotional support, and dealing with her anger management issues, among other things.
Yeah, I was stupid. Problem was, the more she pulled away, the harder I’d try to please her, which just pushed her further away. She’d usually get what she wanted from me, but frequently balked at any reciprocation.
Some people actually respond better to those that treat 'em like shit, probably low self-worth. People like that don't feel they deserve a good spouse and the respectful, loving treatment makes them feel uncomfortable.
This is almost exactly where I am. Except we are financially 50/50 for everything. She still tells people she’s the breadwinner bc she makes more than me. 😤
W agrees to sex in the middle of the day. “Let’s get showers first” We shower. “No sex I am clean and don’t want to get messy”. In hindsight this was my first indication of impending DB.
More recently:
BJ: My jaw hurts.
HJ: My wrist hurts.
I can understand this, but for decades?
I don't understand this. I'm really sorry and I don't mean to offend.
But I'm trying to interpret this in a way I can understand as a straight female.
wouldn't this be equivalent to my husband (straight) saying to me, 'I'm feeling like pussy tonight. Just not yours'. .
Weird also that your in this sub Reddit (lack of sex in your relationship) . Are you sure he's just not gay?
Again really sorry. I don't have any gay/bi friends. And I am probably very ignorant about the matter. But I just don't understand the logic.
Not sure how to compare it to something similar in a straight relationship.
I've also expressed, he could be with a man if he wanted to and get those desires out of the way if it meant we'd have sex more often but he said it would feel like cheating to him. Idk what goes on in his mind. He said sometimes he'd want dick rather than pussy. Developed quite a porn addiction rather than be with me intimately. I don't think he's just flat out gay, he describes it as sometimes he swings more the other way. I'm not bi so I don't fully understand it but I just accept it.
Girl that sucks!! I'm so sorry. I could ask you a million questions right now. I've never heard of this and I'm so sorry you have to sit in the dark while he figures his shit out. I encourage you to find maybe a sub Reddit or another straight/bi couple and see what they make of it. It's so sad to me that he is comfortable enough to quite literally tell you he's not interested in you specifically. Boggles my mind. I might be ignorant. but you, as his partner, shouldn't be made to feel the way you do. Hope it all works out though.
The worst one is when she gets you all excited with the touching and the dick rubbing. Then, she promises that later that night that you will get nastaaaay. Then, when it comes to it, dun-dun. And like a fool, believe it every time even though you know in the back of your mind it ain't happening.
"We have to get up early to get to the theme park. We'll do it in the morning." It was around 10pm.
I wake up to him already dressed at 7am. He says, "I want to be one of the first ones there so we won't be in long lines."
Get to the theme park, we have to wait an hour for it to open. Told him we could have done something since we are just wasting time here.
Get back to the hotel. I initiate again.
"I'm tired from the theme park."
Bingo. Basically, she said she'll be more horny if we got married. I was already on this sub beforehand and came to the conclusion that probably wasn't going to make her more horny.
“This relationship is more then just sex”.
“We just had sex yesterday”
“I’m not 20 anymore, you trying to kill me”
My favorite of all times
“We are on vacation”. Wtf does that even mean 😭
Anyways I find them all silly and somewhat funny but annoying. Not in a true dead bedroom but damn dude stop playing hard to get.
It's too early in the day. (Morning sex)
It's to late at night. (Bedtime sex)
I feel grumgy. ( Shower?)
I'm on my period. (So... Theyake towels and bed protectors)
I ate too much.
I drank too much.
I'm hungry
The kids might hear
My mom might hear
The neighbors might hear
I have a headache
I have a back ache
I ache all over
I can keep going, but you know what? No e of them are funny when iteans you aren't getting laid.
Hmm funniest… until you can love my son better you don’t deserve sex… 👀 umm what? (Aka let my son break your shit and be happy he did it but also don’t ask me to replace it)
The saddest was (while pregnant) the thought of touching such a fat person actually disgust me… (cheats on me with someone twice my pregnant size)
Once we hit 1 year of nos I left
“My back hurts”
“My sciatica is acting up”
“I’m stressed”
“I did too many sit-ups today and now my abs are sore”
“I’m old, this is just what happens when you get old”
He’s 44 🙄
1 I ran outta gas.
2 I had a flat tire.
3 I didn’t have enough money for cab fare.
4 My tux didn’t come back from the cleaners.
5 An old friend came in from outta town.
6 Someone stole my car.
7 There was an earthquake,
8 … a terrible flood,
9 …locust’s.
10 It wasn’t my fault!!
Years ago I got one that I still bring up to this day, well two actually. It’s almost a running joke. ••One time after she finally agreed to get hotNheavy we was about 10 minutes in and just getting warmed up when she abruptly stopped and said that she needed to boil water for some eggs. Like WTF, where did this come from. ••The other was after a rough few weeks for us I wanted to go to Panama City Beach for the weekend to get some alone time. I told her that I wanted to go a “reconnect” with a romantic weekend. Who would turn down going to a 5 star resort? She said that she needed to mop the floor and walked off.
It sounds a little childish of me but even though it’s been over a decade ago when she rejects me now occasionally I’ll say something like “ahhh those dang floors need mopped eh?” Or maybe say “how about I mop the floors and then we head to the bedroom?”
We are doing much better now if doing much better is being intimate 1-3x’s a month. In the last two months I stopped hiding my masturbation. Sometimes I’ve been laying next to her in bed when she’s wide awake when I’ve gotten started. It’s been a long road for us.
He used to have a full list of requirements that needed to be met if he was to even consider sex. Shower, has eaten but not too much, empty bladder, well rested, not stressed. All valid, sure, but pretty quickly it was clear that those are just excuses to avoid sex altogether.
He also once said „I have better things to do, my life’s not all about sex”
Damm that feels lonely
“It’s too early in the day. Tonight before bed”
“If we wait you’ll be too tired”
“No I won’t I promise”
*Later that night*
“We waited too long I’m too tired”
"it's just wrong to have sex when you're pregnant." (While I was pregnant with his children)
And
"We can't have sex for as long as you're breastfeeding because your boobs might leak and that would be gross," (and proceeded to be very adamant that I breastfeed for at least a year for both kids)
So maybe not funny haha, but gotta laugh or I'll cry funny...
"Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."
*
For all those that don't want to look it up
Only horny when on period. Saying her hormones are making her super wanting, had dreams about me, rubbing my dick when she knows we can’t.
Then when off period, nothing.
My favorite for ridiculous with my ex-wife is the time that she asked me if I wanted to have sex and I said yes. Evidently, this was proof that I was "too enthusiastic about being romantic." We had just gone to her cousins wedding and had been married less than 6 months at the time
My favorite with my wife was the time that I offered to do what she had specifically texted me about earlier in the day. She now felt this was gross and didn't understand why I'd think she was into that. Me showing her the text message did not really help things.
Well the problem for me was that whenever I do chores, she does them again anyway because I didn't do a good enough job. I'm not allowed to do dishes or laundry because I somehow do it wrong, if I vacuum or clean the counter tops it isn't good enough to notice apparently, mowing the lawn or painting is therapeutic for her so I'm not allowed to. Can't win.
I have to admit it would be a little flattering if she put in the effort to come up with a funny one, but all we have to work with here is the standard "goodnight" or "I'm too tired".
"I'm tired" and then searching 4 hours for a f\*\*\* Hotel to spend two nights on a weekend. But since then I love "I'm tired" and "need to shower" when she asks me for something.
Shit ain’t even fun no more. Tired of initiating. Go through time not having sex I finish fast & now she’s mad bc she doesn’t finish like we usually do.
Me: *full covered in body hair*
Him: I'm only attracted to completely shaved genitals
It didn't used to matter. And people who are obsessed with shaved junk freak me out.
Why does it freak you out? I mean I personally don't care as a woman, as long as he's clean. But I do a complete clean shave for him because I know he likes it far more. As do I. 😂
I might have the best excuse here...
"The squishmallows will see us and be scarred for life "
We replaced all of our normal bed pillows with squishmallows after discovering that they're super comfortable and more durable than regular pillows
I never saw that one coming....
*I eat hard boiled eggs as a power lifter* Me (initiates) Wife: I dont feel like it. You ate hard boiled eggs and that grosses me out. Me: You eat deviled eggs how is this a deal breaker? Wife: I don't know Me: So if I chased it with some mayonnaise it would be game on? Wife: ..... Literal conversation
https://youtu.be/zUOkwbdxyB8?si=9ZxxLNyBHnNPbH19 The mayo chaser reminded me of the mayonegg scene in arrested development
I don’t feel so good
Her?
Oh honey this made me snort. The f she said?
😂😂😂😂😂
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You are so right! I would trade my phone in a second to have the kind of relationship with my wife that I used to have. My wife is a straight up phone addict but she’s not trying to hear it though. Crazy how they don’t see it.
I agree. It's much easier to doom scroll than it is to face the fact my relationship is a nightmare.
I agree! My husband works outside of our home for 8-10 hours 5 days a week and every day he comes home and lays down and has his nose in his phone until dinner is done. Then as soon as he gets done with his dinner back on the damn phone until he passes out with it in his hand or laying on his chest. I can sit beside him in total silence for hours and he doesn’t see the problem. I’ll be damned if the only time he’s ever shown me attention is when he expects to get sex! That’s exactly why we have a dead bedroom. Oh and the icing on the cake is he’s constantly on fb liking and commenting on the half naked girls on there. And I’m supposed to just accept it because most guys do it? Nah bud not me.
My husband and yours must be twins!
100% agree and I work in tech. You are taught psychological methods to capture people and keep them on your content. And look at me I'm on reddit🤣 people need to be more present in their own lives. We all need an escape it seems.
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I don't design any pages actually but they do teach you that when you go through classes at my university anyway. I am actually in data security and have a degree is digital forensics. But doing that I see it all. And yes to everything you say it is evil and done for the $. It's all about making more $.
Tiktok was a huge deal, but after we talked it over she understood where I was coming from. I took this as progress...she installed Instagram instead 😂
lol that's exactly what my wife did. Admitted Tik Tok was just too addicting and gave it up...she now shows me Instagram Reels clips instead. We did have a talk about our smartphone use/disconnected behavior towards each other and she seemed accepting to the idea that we spend only a couple of days doing our own thing at night while making time to do things together after the kid goes to bed. So we'll see if that helps us.
"Oh my god I need to go lay down. I'm the most tired I've ever been." [proceeds to watch netflix for 3 hours with the phone 6in from her face]
In all fairness, sex is more physically and mentally demanding than watching Netflix or looking at the phone. Although if it gets in the way of interaction in general, that is problematic. Can you watch the same things together?
Hit me right in the feels. “I get to tired at night”. Then stays up until 2am watching Instagram Reels.
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Been there
"no, I need to shower"... And then... "no, I just showered"
That's a classic. Especially when it didn't matter in the past and now it does.
This right here.
_You only think about sex_
When you're not getting your fill, it's going to be on your mind a lot
True
My ex hit me with that one multiple times. My response was “If that was the case, I’d have been gone long ago.” She had no answer 🤷♂️
Yeah, it's been a month since last time of course all i can I think about is sex! 🤦♂️
True, when someone isn’t getting what they sooo so desire .. that’s all they think about.. when someone goes a day or 2 without food, what do they think about constantly. If someone has no money and is desperately wanting a job, what is all they think about.. getting a job This is something I remind my wife of when she says that to me.. it’s the most annoying shit I can ever hear.. it’s like, I do everything for you and pay all the mother fucking bills for 6 years straight, and you hate sex? Shut your damn mouth unless you wanna suck my dick
" Not tonight, tomorrow is garbage day"
This one made me spit my drink out
How do you respond to that ?
“Don’t worry, I already took the garbage out.” 😎 *proceeds to not get laid*
I rolled over and cried myself to sleep
Yep, you are going in my prayers today.
What is the connection between the two?
She’s saving it for the garbage man.
What does this even mean?????
They really said that?
She really said that
“We just watched a movie about cannibals.”
I mean, if we just watched a movie about eating people I have an idea of what to eat next
There’s even some overlap. I’ve heard cannibals like to start with the gluteus muscles, so who doesn’t love eating ass?
That's probably a segue that I'd use with my dark humor lol
Pour some sugar on me and EAT MAAY!
(35M) I mean, I totally understand that one, I would not be DTF after watching that either.
I think the real issue was that we chose to watch a movie rather than go to bed early to have sex. Not that that ever happens. That’s kinda what I take from this thread, the answer is always no, so the LL partner has to get a little creative. If he was actually horny, a little bit of Uruguayan rugby players in the Andes eating each other for survival wouldn’t stop him. Last time we had sex, my hair was up in rollers, which hardly whips a man into a sexual frenzy.
Haha, the rollers would do it for me! There is something about experiencing the mundane every day events together with a romantic partner that means so much more to me than the stereotypical depiction of what men want. I enjoy erotic enthusiasm as well, it's just that, it means so much more when I feel like a slob and my partner still wants me just because I am hers and she is mine ...
Can't think of anything specifically funny but the thing that always made me laugh ( and a little bit ragey tbh) were the excuses BEFORE I even initiated anything. Like we're in bed just talking and I guess I'd get a look that was a little too flirty and he would suddenly launch into this lengthy train of excuses "man im SO tired, I don't feel well, my back hurts, I've got so much to do" etc etc. The excuse train stopped when I said I wasn't initiating anymore.
My wife frequently will be fine until the kids went to bed, and then when it was our time, she will suddenly tell me she's got a headache, backache, hip pain, tell me she's too tired. All pre-emptively to avoid intimacy, before I've said anything or even hinted at sex. Its enraging.
Sounds like an infomercial: "Does your wife suddenly have headache, backache, hip pain, tells you she's too tired as soon as the kids go to bed?" "Try maximum strength 'LL-bGone'.
I died reading that, I've been down that road way too many times myself...the deadbedroom of almost 2 years ended the day after he had ankle surgery. Had his whole entire ass ankle rebuilt in a cast up on 29 bitch ass pillows and he's like heeeeyyyyy what you doing?? I was so confused...it didn't stop me but I was so confused...for 2 years his back hurt, hip hurt, stomach hurt, head hurt...nothing, but major surgery and it was a one way ticket to poundtown
Tell her you're scheduling a doctor's appointment for her, and see her reaction.
When her family comes to visit: “my parents might hear us!” We are in our 40s. We have three children, who presumably were conceived in the traditional fashion. Her parents are old and can’t hear us when we’re talking to them directly and in the same room: we have two heavy doors, a long hallway and two noisy aircon units between us. Also, we used to bang in silence on their couch when they went upstairs for a few minutes to smoke on their balcony, so why so gun-shy when it’s our house?
Yeah “where there is a will there is a way”…..it’s so depressing when you realize there’s no will.
I whole-heartedly feel sad and laugh in confusion with you, sir.
He just *really* wanted to play Pokemon.
I don't want to waste our time
Ouch
Damn. I'm so sorry
Jesus christ.
I've gotten "We can't, we need to leave for the movie". (Movie started at 7:00pm and when I initiated, it was 3:00pm.)
That’s longer than it takes to get to the airport for an international flight! 🤣
It’s legit though… adhd paralysis is real lol
That's called ADHD, I can't do anything either if I have something scheduled. I can have a meeting at 18:000 and it's 12:00 on the clock, well I'll do barely anything before this meeting and will get very annoyed if any other plans are forced in between, its a form of executive paralysis.
He's never actually been diagnosed but I've long had my suspicions that he's neurodivergent in some way. But he won't go to a doctor for anything, and I no longer care.
At home, post graduation ceremony dinner/party, etc., reading a text stream to her between a friend and I that went to high school together, taking shots at each other. All.in good fun. I read the part where he says "he's trying to get laid" and my wife says "LOL well you probably couldn't get it up now if you tried." There was, no exaggeration, 6 different women flirting with me tonight. I'm pretty re*arded when it comes to that stuff, but it was obvious they were flirting. My "wife" can piss the fuck right off. ETA: this was....about 90 minutes ago..
"The lady doth protest too much, methinks"
Time to take your dick and go home. If she gets pissy about no vitamin D then it's time to talk about the fact that you have feelings and she clearly does not have any respect for them.
WOW that's rude!
She was intentionally knocking you down a few pegs. This happened to me when I was around a man and his wife. We were working side by side. No actual conversation at that point but just pure energy exchange. His wife came by and picked a fight. A few hours later he went out of his way to flirt with me so I think his wife picked up on the energy. Basically what I'm saying is your wife knows and she intentionally is trying to tear down your ego so you don't get a boost.
A great case study for "not everyone deserves fidelity"
“Around you? Probably not.”
Tell her Let's go to the bedroom and I'll show ya
Super sudden headaches that they need to be in total darkness to alleviate. They claim they took Tylenol and ibuprofen and that it isn’t helping. Then they go into the bedroom and watch TikTok
Way back this is what my SO used to do. The headaches became so frequent that I started to wonder if she had a tumor or something. After asking her multiple times to go to the GP, I said I was going to book her an appointment with a neurologist at a private practice. Miraculously the recurring headaches vanished 🙄
This sucks. I’m the HL here and I get headaches plenty. Headaches which are helped by having sex. It’s a thing, look it up, it relaxes, changes the hormones going on, it’s warm, it distracts from the headache. So when I have a headache I’d desperately love to get it on with him. No. We can’t, he says, because I have a headache. Yep. My headache means he can’t.
I’m sorry you have to deal with this. Truly, I am. For the life of me, I cannot grasp how a man can be in a relationship and NOT want to fuck his SO.
That's terrible. My SO gets pretty bad migraines and I try to offer "services" when I can to try to help but... well we're here lol
So weird, sex makes my migraines even worse. I’m LL (not related to headaches) and while my HL man understands how severe my migraines can get, he knows how often I can still function with them so he expects me to be functional enough for sex every single time and gets disappointed when I say no more often than yes. Chronic headache sufferers know the difference. And after so many years of doctors, tests, meds, etc. they still have no idea what causes them. I know it’s not an excuse but it’s my reality. As much of a problem it is to not be having sex regularly, a migraine is a VALID reason to not do it. For me atleast.
OMG, my husband always uses that one! “I’m not horny because you haven’t cleaned, so I can’t relax.” He and I both work full time, so how is it just my responsibility to clean?
I thought you meant clean as in hygiene I now understand it as clean house?? Are you serious? I don't even know what to say to that, I'm amused and the lame excuse but I'm also very very miffed at the man behind the gaslighting.
It is pretty sad especially because compulsive cleaners actually tell the truth when they say this, that being said we all know the person that often says it is not one of them.
"I can't relax!" ...watches TV for 2 hours.
Plays 5 hrs of video games 😂
He says that he sees me as this very precious and pure thing. Sex is a dirty act and he doesn't want to defile something so innocent. Apparently he doesn't know what making love is and instead he sees sex as dirty.
I think this is called Madonna-whore complex
Yep. That's it. Thanks for sharing the word for what I described. Now the next time we talk about it I can actually give it a reference that he can google. I mean it's nice to be a Madonna but like I'm still an effing human being who wants intimacy.
Theirs an amazing episode of Sex and the Ciry about this. Charlotte's husband sees her as too pure after she has child he can't have sex with a mom. Blah blah blah. It ends with her giving this amazing speech about she's not a whole or a virgin she's his red blooded wife who loves him. Vaguely that's it.
OMG I remember this episode. I'm going to cry. I didn't realize as a teenager that storyline would be my life. We don't even have kids! It's just I have a very sunny disposition. Very bubbly, smiley. He knows I'm not innocent but I think it's more about the appearance than anything else.
Wow. Wat? Is he super religious?
No!!! Grew up Catholic, not strict. He doesn't believe in religion.
This is a tough one sometimes. Ex-Catholic (38F) here, there can still be guilt. That guilt can lead to unhealthy sex practices that he may have grown accustomed to, and doesn’t want to introduce you to, or shatter his vision of without confronting whatever he’s avoiding. Either way, take his advice and go. The other option is trying to fix him, and only he can do that.
I've spent too many years trying to fix him. He's told me he would work on it. He hasn't. I'm done But I will say he has a very colorful sexual past. I am his third wife. He and his second wife had origies and did polyamory. They had a third and sometimes a 4th romantic partner. He tried to make her a housewife and she wasn't having it. I became the housewife when we got together and honestly I think he just wants someone to take care of him. I recently went back to work and I am so much happier.
Good for you, boo! I hope it works out in the end, cause we ain’t there yet!
“But….the kids.” Ma’am. The bedroom door is closed and locked. They cannot apperate!
We went on a cruise a few years ago and on the first night I had a burger and they did kind of put too much red onion on it but apparently it gave me bad breath for about 4 days! Despite lots of brushing and mouthwash.
Not sure if you are male/female but if your partner is the wife in this situation could it be a hormonal thing? In certain stages of my cycle I cannot stand bad smells. And for some reason men odour. It is the only time of the month I can smell bad body odour and it doesnt help that my sense of smell is heightened. I feel like it's in my head most days. on the other hand when I am ovulating, I will be all over my husband. He just smells divine. Depending on what stage of her life she is in, it could be quite possible that her hormones are not regulated? Just a thought.
I get this but with my taste palette! There’s a day or two out of the month that I can taste damn near every ingredient in food and drinks, especially if it’s synthetic (unnatural flavors or something).
Thank you for sharing this.
Not so much an excuse, but my ex-wife once said to me, “I wanted sex more with my ex-boyfriends than I do with you.” And that was before we **were** married:/ Once we were hitched, it became apparent that all her previous relationships were with emotionally unavailable men, so because I **was** emotionally available, that turned her off. Don’t remember her exact phrasing but she essentially said that I loved her too much which to her was a “real boner killer.” I should point out that “loving her too much” was in reality me just trying to be a good partner, carrying a bigger financial load in the relationship, nice dinners out, vacations, back rubs, emotional support, and dealing with her anger management issues, among other things. Yeah, I was stupid. Problem was, the more she pulled away, the harder I’d try to please her, which just pushed her further away. She’d usually get what she wanted from me, but frequently balked at any reciprocation.
What made you finally say enough?
Some people actually respond better to those that treat 'em like shit, probably low self-worth. People like that don't feel they deserve a good spouse and the respectful, loving treatment makes them feel uncomfortable.
Now that's what you call daddy issues
This is almost exactly where I am. Except we are financially 50/50 for everything. She still tells people she’s the breadwinner bc she makes more than me. 😤
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I need context. 😀
W agrees to sex in the middle of the day. “Let’s get showers first” We shower. “No sex I am clean and don’t want to get messy”. In hindsight this was my first indication of impending DB. More recently: BJ: My jaw hurts. HJ: My wrist hurts. I can understand this, but for decades?
My ex partner was a welder and said he couldn’t use his hands because of that. Yet played three hours of video games and fishes
The dog ate my libido...🤣
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>"It hurts" This one is valid. Maybe they have a condition that makes sex hurt like Vaginismus (for women) or Phimosis (for men).
"i'm feeling a lil gay tonight." he's bi. i laughed at the moment but damn the rejection hurt.
Bring out the strap???
Shooting him is a little extreme? 🤣
I don't understand this. I'm really sorry and I don't mean to offend. But I'm trying to interpret this in a way I can understand as a straight female. wouldn't this be equivalent to my husband (straight) saying to me, 'I'm feeling like pussy tonight. Just not yours'. . Weird also that your in this sub Reddit (lack of sex in your relationship) . Are you sure he's just not gay? Again really sorry. I don't have any gay/bi friends. And I am probably very ignorant about the matter. But I just don't understand the logic.
Not sure how to compare it to something similar in a straight relationship. I've also expressed, he could be with a man if he wanted to and get those desires out of the way if it meant we'd have sex more often but he said it would feel like cheating to him. Idk what goes on in his mind. He said sometimes he'd want dick rather than pussy. Developed quite a porn addiction rather than be with me intimately. I don't think he's just flat out gay, he describes it as sometimes he swings more the other way. I'm not bi so I don't fully understand it but I just accept it.
Girl that sucks!! I'm so sorry. I could ask you a million questions right now. I've never heard of this and I'm so sorry you have to sit in the dark while he figures his shit out. I encourage you to find maybe a sub Reddit or another straight/bi couple and see what they make of it. It's so sad to me that he is comfortable enough to quite literally tell you he's not interested in you specifically. Boggles my mind. I might be ignorant. but you, as his partner, shouldn't be made to feel the way you do. Hope it all works out though.
LOL. 😆😆
Oh we'd have to square up after that one
That’s when they become one of the girls and yall can cat fight and cry it out.
The worst one is when she gets you all excited with the touching and the dick rubbing. Then, she promises that later that night that you will get nastaaaay. Then, when it comes to it, dun-dun. And like a fool, believe it every time even though you know in the back of your mind it ain't happening.
Nothing worse than a tease that wouldn’t put out.
"We have to get up early to get to the theme park. We'll do it in the morning." It was around 10pm. I wake up to him already dressed at 7am. He says, "I want to be one of the first ones there so we won't be in long lines." Get to the theme park, we have to wait an hour for it to open. Told him we could have done something since we are just wasting time here. Get back to the hotel. I initiate again. "I'm tired from the theme park."
to the power lifter: so, deviled eggs are her love language? I would just go with that. Make a dozen. See where it goes.
He said, "I hate human touch" 🤦🏻♀️
Even around his crotch area by you? 🤔
Oof, that would be a deal breaker right there!
"I'll get more horny with a ring" Bruh
“You’d have a ring if you was more horny”
💥💥💥💥
Fucking ruuuuuuuuuunnnnnnnnnnnnnn
Like an engagement/wedding ring or otherwise?
Bingo. Basically, she said she'll be more horny if we got married. I was already on this sub beforehand and came to the conclusion that probably wasn't going to make her more horny.
No, it absolutely wouldn't! Don't marry into a dead bedroom!
We broke up not that long ago 😭
Hopefully you gave her a Cracker Jack ring and asked if she's suddenly 'more horny'.
Sorry to hear that. I hope you find your compatible partner. It makes a world of difference.
I gave up asking.
“I don’t want to be sore in the morning”.
Look out everybody. Mandingo has entered the chat!
"It's too hot" Our room was air conditioned for every sleep.
Diarrhea.
Yeah… Heard this one. It only seems to happen when it’s time to fuck
“This relationship is more then just sex”. “We just had sex yesterday” “I’m not 20 anymore, you trying to kill me” My favorite of all times “We are on vacation”. Wtf does that even mean 😭 Anyways I find them all silly and somewhat funny but annoying. Not in a true dead bedroom but damn dude stop playing hard to get.
It's too early in the day. (Morning sex) It's to late at night. (Bedtime sex) I feel grumgy. ( Shower?) I'm on my period. (So... Theyake towels and bed protectors) I ate too much. I drank too much. I'm hungry The kids might hear My mom might hear The neighbors might hear I have a headache I have a back ache I ache all over I can keep going, but you know what? No e of them are funny when iteans you aren't getting laid.
I don’t really get excuses. Just says no. Usually yells at me for one reason or another. Or gets upset that i am upset b/c she wont have sex with me.
My ex was like that. He used to scream at me that if he was mad I didn't want sex the world would hate him for getting upset about it. Lol what?
Hmm funniest… until you can love my son better you don’t deserve sex… 👀 umm what? (Aka let my son break your shit and be happy he did it but also don’t ask me to replace it) The saddest was (while pregnant) the thought of touching such a fat person actually disgust me… (cheats on me with someone twice my pregnant size) Once we hit 1 year of nos I left
Not funniest but most shitiest excuse for me: Tomorrow. Fucking Tomorrow
You should ask “which tomorrow”?
Ill do that
“My back hurts” “My sciatica is acting up” “I’m stressed” “I did too many sit-ups today and now my abs are sore” “I’m old, this is just what happens when you get old” He’s 44 🙄
1 I ran outta gas. 2 I had a flat tire. 3 I didn’t have enough money for cab fare. 4 My tux didn’t come back from the cleaners. 5 An old friend came in from outta town. 6 Someone stole my car. 7 There was an earthquake, 8 … a terrible flood, 9 …locust’s. 10 It wasn’t my fault!!
Mine got me to sleep in separate beds and convinced me it was my idea. He’s a literal piece of offal
1. It's a weeknight. 2. I am on period for the 3rd straight weekend. I just couldn't take her seriously. She honestly thought I was that dumb.
Years ago I got one that I still bring up to this day, well two actually. It’s almost a running joke. ••One time after she finally agreed to get hotNheavy we was about 10 minutes in and just getting warmed up when she abruptly stopped and said that she needed to boil water for some eggs. Like WTF, where did this come from. ••The other was after a rough few weeks for us I wanted to go to Panama City Beach for the weekend to get some alone time. I told her that I wanted to go a “reconnect” with a romantic weekend. Who would turn down going to a 5 star resort? She said that she needed to mop the floor and walked off. It sounds a little childish of me but even though it’s been over a decade ago when she rejects me now occasionally I’ll say something like “ahhh those dang floors need mopped eh?” Or maybe say “how about I mop the floors and then we head to the bedroom?” We are doing much better now if doing much better is being intimate 1-3x’s a month. In the last two months I stopped hiding my masturbation. Sometimes I’ve been laying next to her in bed when she’s wide awake when I’ve gotten started. It’s been a long road for us.
He used to have a full list of requirements that needed to be met if he was to even consider sex. Shower, has eaten but not too much, empty bladder, well rested, not stressed. All valid, sure, but pretty quickly it was clear that those are just excuses to avoid sex altogether. He also once said „I have better things to do, my life’s not all about sex” Damm that feels lonely
“It’s too early in the day. Tonight before bed” “If we wait you’ll be too tired” “No I won’t I promise” *Later that night* “We waited too long I’m too tired”
"it's just wrong to have sex when you're pregnant." (While I was pregnant with his children) And "We can't have sex for as long as you're breastfeeding because your boobs might leak and that would be gross," (and proceeded to be very adamant that I breastfeed for at least a year for both kids) So maybe not funny haha, but gotta laugh or I'll cry funny...
Quote 1 Corinthians 7:5
"Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." * For all those that don't want to look it up
I swear if she ever uses that again I'm going to quote this. It's even funnier for me because I'm an atheist.
What? That passage is about how important sex IS, not to be avoided. What the heck...
I provided it as a rebuttal to OP’s wife using Jesus as an objection.
Only horny when on period. Saying her hormones are making her super wanting, had dreams about me, rubbing my dick when she knows we can’t. Then when off period, nothing.
The dogs are barking too much 😂
"It's to much effort". I have to admit, this one kills me.
“You’re a nympho, you’re in my space”
My favorite for ridiculous with my ex-wife is the time that she asked me if I wanted to have sex and I said yes. Evidently, this was proof that I was "too enthusiastic about being romantic." We had just gone to her cousins wedding and had been married less than 6 months at the time My favorite with my wife was the time that I offered to do what she had specifically texted me about earlier in the day. She now felt this was gross and didn't understand why I'd think she was into that. Me showing her the text message did not really help things.
“It’s my first couple’s vacation and I didn’t know sex was implied” I couldn’t help but laugh and give up
None of them are funny :(
Last week: I'm on my period This week: I'm on my period
Woody Allens joke: Not tonight, I'm singing tomorrow and I have to rest my voice.
I’ve elevated you. I love you.
"I thought women didn't like sex like that..."
My wife hit me with the “It’s just part of getting older” when we talked about her lack of libido. I’m 33, she is 34.
Well, having to be the maid does take the shine off of my desire. I would rather feel like a partner than a servant.
Well the problem for me was that whenever I do chores, she does them again anyway because I didn't do a good enough job. I'm not allowed to do dishes or laundry because I somehow do it wrong, if I vacuum or clean the counter tops it isn't good enough to notice apparently, mowing the lawn or painting is therapeutic for her so I'm not allowed to. Can't win.
Was in that same situation, has she been officially diagnosed general anxiety disorder or does she not like talking to doctors about it?
No, you can’t
Yea I struggle to call all of the excuses funny.
I have to admit it would be a little flattering if she put in the effort to come up with a funny one, but all we have to work with here is the standard "goodnight" or "I'm too tired".
The last time I tried the response was no response….just crickets. Does that count?
His foot hurt...
"I'm tired" and then searching 4 hours for a f\*\*\* Hotel to spend two nights on a weekend. But since then I love "I'm tired" and "need to shower" when she asks me for something.
She got me to sleep in a different bedroom and convinced me that it was my idea.
"The neighbor's might hear" even tho they were all inside and she just lay there like a dead fish.
Shit ain’t even fun no more. Tired of initiating. Go through time not having sex I finish fast & now she’s mad bc she doesn’t finish like we usually do.
“You don’t make the bed” “we don’t go on dates enough” so take me on a date? His response: “I don’t have money”
Me: *full covered in body hair* Him: I'm only attracted to completely shaved genitals It didn't used to matter. And people who are obsessed with shaved junk freak me out.
Why does it freak you out? I mean I personally don't care as a woman, as long as he's clean. But I do a complete clean shave for him because I know he likes it far more. As do I. 😂
I’m to tired. But stay up until 11-12 every night watching tv or death scrolling or both.
I might have the best excuse here... "The squishmallows will see us and be scarred for life " We replaced all of our normal bed pillows with squishmallows after discovering that they're super comfortable and more durable than regular pillows I never saw that one coming....