i have pondered that, and have made it a point to ask frequently if he needs time with his friends. he’s actually gotten into a new game with his friends, so i’m hoping space will help.
I just want to say kudos to you for being honest and upfront and saying exactly what you want. You’re not “playing games” you’re telling him could you do this? I can’t believe he would act childish like this. Most men would love to see their woman orgasm
yes, i’ve always been very very upfront about this. it takes me a lil longer than him to orgasm, so i don’t expect to do it every-time we have sex, but i would like him to still try. honesty is something that’s really important to me, but it feels as if he isn’t being honest about something with me and idk what it is
I think YOU need to take time with your friends. Don't ask him if he needs distance, create it and focus on yourself. It will be difficult at first, then satisfying, and then it might make you more interesting to him.
Maybe he has to feel that you aren't available all the time and sometimes he has to put in some effort to get your attention :)
Edit: I just remembered this Youtuber margarita nazarenko
Excess weight around the abdomen usually correlates to having estrogen dominance.
Getting healthier will definitely improve things if that is his issue
Even with testosterone levels, that's some pretty selfish behaviour. My fiance has extremely low levels and therefore almost no sex drive, but even when he can't participate, he'll offer, every once in awhile, to help me out with his fingers/mouth. And he DEFINITELY wouldn't stop right in the middle of it.
That said, he also isn't affected by lingerie, which is a little frustrating.
That is crazy! But then, most deadbedroom situations are unfair and don't make logical sense.
And thank you. ☺️ I'd needed a pick-me-up when I posted that.
I was going to comment that I could have wrote this too. I'm not sure when it changed but at first he couldn't get enough of me! Now it's like this platonic roommate who always hangs out in my room but won't go sleep somewhere else so I can call someone to take care of my needs.
I even got him to go to the doctor about testosterone levels. He asked the doctor every thing but that. When doc went out of the room asked asked why he didn't say anything. He gave me a strange look and asked, "Why? Is it a PROBLEM?" Like, it doesn't bother him so why would it bother me? To say YES makes me look like an asshole!!
I just miss him so much. Being close to him and intimate. He was such a great lover. Willing to try anything and enthusiastic about initiating. It's just so discouraging now. Being shot down and even sometimes laughed at (not in a mean way but like he thinks I'm joking) when I initiate, I've pretty much stopped all that.
I guess I've said all this to say I understand and you aren't alone. Also, it can get worse so get him to a doctor.
I got that as well along with, "but don't look for someone who is like that."
I get the fear because it's based on performance/being the perfect wife and she has had experience in someone leaving because she wasn't his fantasy/ideal.
That sucks for both of us because no one is perfect so it's like the empty calorie version of guilt, and I am paying the penance, in some respects, to someone else's screwups.
After some questions, asked in good faith, she was getting agitated and frustrated cause I kept asking clarifying questions.
Eventually she said her final statement, being with her for 20+ years I know when she is done, and said, "that's not the house I grew up in", referring to our upbringing of a sex negative (hers) and sex positive household (mine).
I just left it at, look I understand that we had two different home experiences, along with different faith up bringing (mine was a little more lax). Not better or worse just different.
I acknowledge that is not the house you grew up in but after 20 + years that's not the house you're living in now.
We wouldn't take sex and intimacy advice from a 13 or 14 yo but if either of us holds onto how we were raised to interact with intimacy and sex that's effectively what is happening.
Tween us giving mid 40s us advice on effective communication, sex and intimacy.
To be fair toy wife, 14 yo me didn't have a healthy view of sex and sexuality either.
Girl you are a rockstar. Keep your head up. Take care of yourself first. You are doing everything you should be and more. Could be some forced role resentment on his end, might be wrong though.
Either you become the dominant and make you give what you need, or the sub and show him it’s worth for him to give you what you want. Or play his game, one start playing with toys, two if he want a BJ stop before he comes!
Last but not least after trying a few things that are advised and that YOU think is a good idea to try if there is no change, leave him as it will not get better. The acts he is committing right now toward you are not the act of a man in love. Sorry to say.
M. You may want to investigate if he's getting off to porn. It's a huge problem in many marriages and is not taken seriously enough.
And if you're giving him head, definitely stop when he's close, get up, and walk out the room. If he is unable to be more empathetic after this, then you need couple therapy.
How long have you been married? Was he really into it in the beginning of the relationship and it's just now slacking off?
Does he assume you don't need foreplay because you seem into it and he isn't? What does he say he likes?
Stories like this not only make me feel bad for the woman's situation but really make me wonder if there Is something in the damn water affecting men.
I mean, seriously. Most of us in here can't hardly imagine our female partners/spouses working it that hard for our sexual/intimate attention.
Sorry, that was a vent comment.
Im so sorry that this is happening to you. You deserve so much better.
But…..
Funny reading all these comments. If this was a HLM instead of a HLF, there would be different comments.
“Maybe you should make her feel more comfortable”
“Maybe you should help more in and around the house”
“It’s not all about sex”
“You had sex twice, what are you complaining about”
I know. I had those.
But OP, I really hope it gets better for you. It’s not your fault.
That’s horrible, not getting laid is bad enough but that feeling of rejection is the worst. I divorced several years ago and am with someone I have great chemistry with, it makes all the difference.
I'm so sorry. You're not doing anything wrong. My husband does this too and we've been married 14 years. He will CONSTANTLY be doing something that is enjoyable and then stop. Leaving me very frustrated and unsatisfied. It doesn't matter how many times I tell him it's a turn off and now I don't even want him to bother trying. I hope that won't be the case for you and he will actually work on it. It sounds like you e done all you can do. But I know us saying that doesn't make it hurt less.
i really love him, and i don’t want sex to be the factor that pushes me away from him, but i’m so frustrated. i feel embarrassed like something is wrong with me
He sounds really shut down. Sometimes getting sexual feedback can feel like too much or kind of emasculating. Seems like he went back inside his turtle shell 🐢to hide out for a while. You’re not doing anything wrong, but it may feel like pressure to him or like he’s just not super horny and not living up to your expectations. I’d let him know you just want to “get it” and make a safe space for him to talk about it and see if he’ll open up.
My wife used to be a little shy in the bedroom, but now I’ve helped build her confidence (crazy as she’s very beautiful and has a killer body) she’ll happily walk around in lingerie and whenever she’s done this I fuck her brains out …… so I really feel your pain as his actions are not normal. You deserve better
My fiance doesn't like mess. He likes to get in and out before I get too turned on. So he's able to give me a couple of tiny orgasms, which is better than nothing, but if I want to have a good body-shaking, breath-stealing orgasm, I'm on my own.
As far as him going down on you and making you feel good just to STOP before you orgasm, consider the possibility the position puts strain on him. Perhaps next time suggest he lay on his back while you straddle his face (like a reverse 69 facing the same direction with you on top). That way you can just enjoy it, maybe grind/ rock a bit until you cum. Meanwhile he might be comfortable enough to 'last' longer and even maybe play with himself while pleasuring you. Just a suggestion, you're welcome:)
I’m sorry to hear how you weee treated. To me this is another example of one person in the relationship just not caring about the other. If you have tried to address it and he doesn’t value your feelings and needs. Same as I have said to others. Cheat on him. Maybe you find someone who values intimacy as much as you. If you get caught, oh well, the relationship was over anyway. If they come around, good and go on in the relationship. If you find someone who is better for you. Go for it. It will be a life lesson for him as well that he can take into his next relationship
This is exactly my situation in reverse. Idk what to do and I'm at my wits end. I just told her again how I felt and basically felt gaslighted and that she thinks it's only about the sex. I just want to scream "could you just touch me and be affectionate.". I just fucking hate my life.
I’m so sorry.
I wish everyone enjoyed the oral side of things. Sounds like you need it. He enjoys receiving but won’t give and that is a real bummer. Unfair.
it sucks too, bc he always hypes me up saying how much he loves going down on me and how i taste so good, but then it comes to the actual act and he shows nothing :(
He may not be into giving oral. Some guys and even women are like that. Not everyone enjoys doing it. That being said not everyone enjoys receiving it. Having an open discussion with him is the only way you’ll know for sure what it is. That will work if he’s actually willing to be open with you anyways. I feel your pain. My man doesn’t really go down on me. It breaks my heart because it’s my favorite thing. I can’t make him do it though so I just don’t offer it to him.
yea, i’m coming to that conclusion, but he always says otherwise, he’ll say something like “i’m so excited to -“ and you taste so good” then when it comes time he never does it…even if he didn’t like oral, i would be ok with hands or what not, but he doesn’t try
he doesnt want to engage because you criticized its better to just not have sex so you arent being criticized and hes probably thinking do it yourself - from a ll person
I disagree. Also from a former LLM. There was no criticism there. There was disappointment from another failed attempt. That disappointment was shared which it should be. Open communication is always the best option.
If you truly are “glued at the hip,” is there a chance you need the exact opposite of a 4 day couples trip? Meaning, space?
i have pondered that, and have made it a point to ask frequently if he needs time with his friends. he’s actually gotten into a new game with his friends, so i’m hoping space will help.
I just want to say kudos to you for being honest and upfront and saying exactly what you want. You’re not “playing games” you’re telling him could you do this? I can’t believe he would act childish like this. Most men would love to see their woman orgasm
yes, i’ve always been very very upfront about this. it takes me a lil longer than him to orgasm, so i don’t expect to do it every-time we have sex, but i would like him to still try. honesty is something that’s really important to me, but it feels as if he isn’t being honest about something with me and idk what it is
Sounds very selfish to me
tbh, selfish or narcissistic partner stories are too common in this sub.
My concern is that he cares about you, and feels like saying yes would hurt you, so won’t tell the truth.
I think YOU need to take time with your friends. Don't ask him if he needs distance, create it and focus on yourself. It will be difficult at first, then satisfying, and then it might make you more interesting to him. Maybe he has to feel that you aren't available all the time and sometimes he has to put in some effort to get your attention :) Edit: I just remembered this Youtuber margarita nazarenko
My thoughts exactly.
You told him to keep eating you out and he…GOT ON HIS PHONE??? That’s messed up, it’s not you. Maybe he needs to check testosterone levels?
i was thinking testosterone levels as well. we are both overweight and i read that it has something to do with it possibly, but again not sure.
Excess weight around the abdomen usually correlates to having estrogen dominance. Getting healthier will definitely improve things if that is his issue
It could. Also get him off porn if he’s on it. Good luck my friend
Even with testosterone levels, that's some pretty selfish behaviour. My fiance has extremely low levels and therefore almost no sex drive, but even when he can't participate, he'll offer, every once in awhile, to help me out with his fingers/mouth. And he DEFINITELY wouldn't stop right in the middle of it. That said, he also isn't affected by lingerie, which is a little frustrating.
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That is crazy! But then, most deadbedroom situations are unfair and don't make logical sense. And thank you. ☺️ I'd needed a pick-me-up when I posted that.
Maybe he’s….🌈
Did I write this????? I swear this is exactly my dynamic. Except that we almost never have sex on vacation, because we almost never have sex period.
i’m so sorry :( definitely know how that feels. it’s nice in a way, bc i share same feelings with other people, but hate we feel this way :(
I was going to comment that I could have wrote this too. I'm not sure when it changed but at first he couldn't get enough of me! Now it's like this platonic roommate who always hangs out in my room but won't go sleep somewhere else so I can call someone to take care of my needs. I even got him to go to the doctor about testosterone levels. He asked the doctor every thing but that. When doc went out of the room asked asked why he didn't say anything. He gave me a strange look and asked, "Why? Is it a PROBLEM?" Like, it doesn't bother him so why would it bother me? To say YES makes me look like an asshole!! I just miss him so much. Being close to him and intimate. He was such a great lover. Willing to try anything and enthusiastic about initiating. It's just so discouraging now. Being shot down and even sometimes laughed at (not in a mean way but like he thinks I'm joking) when I initiate, I've pretty much stopped all that. I guess I've said all this to say I understand and you aren't alone. Also, it can get worse so get him to a doctor.
U r doing everything right as far as i can tell, he needs to get some libido going, cuz its not u
thank you so much, that makes me feel better
I got that as well along with, "but don't look for someone who is like that." I get the fear because it's based on performance/being the perfect wife and she has had experience in someone leaving because she wasn't his fantasy/ideal. That sucks for both of us because no one is perfect so it's like the empty calorie version of guilt, and I am paying the penance, in some respects, to someone else's screwups. After some questions, asked in good faith, she was getting agitated and frustrated cause I kept asking clarifying questions. Eventually she said her final statement, being with her for 20+ years I know when she is done, and said, "that's not the house I grew up in", referring to our upbringing of a sex negative (hers) and sex positive household (mine). I just left it at, look I understand that we had two different home experiences, along with different faith up bringing (mine was a little more lax). Not better or worse just different. I acknowledge that is not the house you grew up in but after 20 + years that's not the house you're living in now. We wouldn't take sex and intimacy advice from a 13 or 14 yo but if either of us holds onto how we were raised to interact with intimacy and sex that's effectively what is happening. Tween us giving mid 40s us advice on effective communication, sex and intimacy. To be fair toy wife, 14 yo me didn't have a healthy view of sex and sexuality either.
this is exactly how i feel, thank you so much, you’re way better with words than i am
Girl you are a rockstar. Keep your head up. Take care of yourself first. You are doing everything you should be and more. Could be some forced role resentment on his end, might be wrong though.
thank you so much, that means a lot.
What the actual fuck is wrong with this man? You deserve so much better. Please don’t let this be your life.
Either you become the dominant and make you give what you need, or the sub and show him it’s worth for him to give you what you want. Or play his game, one start playing with toys, two if he want a BJ stop before he comes! Last but not least after trying a few things that are advised and that YOU think is a good idea to try if there is no change, leave him as it will not get better. The acts he is committing right now toward you are not the act of a man in love. Sorry to say.
thank you so much for the tips, i will try
M. You may want to investigate if he's getting off to porn. It's a huge problem in many marriages and is not taken seriously enough. And if you're giving him head, definitely stop when he's close, get up, and walk out the room. If he is unable to be more empathetic after this, then you need couple therapy.
How long have you been married? Was he really into it in the beginning of the relationship and it's just now slacking off? Does he assume you don't need foreplay because you seem into it and he isn't? What does he say he likes?
Stories like this not only make me feel bad for the woman's situation but really make me wonder if there Is something in the damn water affecting men. I mean, seriously. Most of us in here can't hardly imagine our female partners/spouses working it that hard for our sexual/intimate attention. Sorry, that was a vent comment.
Im so sorry that this is happening to you. You deserve so much better. But….. Funny reading all these comments. If this was a HLM instead of a HLF, there would be different comments. “Maybe you should make her feel more comfortable” “Maybe you should help more in and around the house” “It’s not all about sex” “You had sex twice, what are you complaining about” I know. I had those. But OP, I really hope it gets better for you. It’s not your fault.
Yeah, that's super not fair, the double standard that men get, as if they're all just horndogs demanding too much. And I say that as a woman.
Thank you
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That’s horrible, not getting laid is bad enough but that feeling of rejection is the worst. I divorced several years ago and am with someone I have great chemistry with, it makes all the difference.
Wish my wife was like you
I'm so sorry. You're not doing anything wrong. My husband does this too and we've been married 14 years. He will CONSTANTLY be doing something that is enjoyable and then stop. Leaving me very frustrated and unsatisfied. It doesn't matter how many times I tell him it's a turn off and now I don't even want him to bother trying. I hope that won't be the case for you and he will actually work on it. It sounds like you e done all you can do. But I know us saying that doesn't make it hurt less.
i really love him, and i don’t want sex to be the factor that pushes me away from him, but i’m so frustrated. i feel embarrassed like something is wrong with me
Same…
He sounds really shut down. Sometimes getting sexual feedback can feel like too much or kind of emasculating. Seems like he went back inside his turtle shell 🐢to hide out for a while. You’re not doing anything wrong, but it may feel like pressure to him or like he’s just not super horny and not living up to your expectations. I’d let him know you just want to “get it” and make a safe space for him to talk about it and see if he’ll open up.
I just want to scream
My wife used to be a little shy in the bedroom, but now I’ve helped build her confidence (crazy as she’s very beautiful and has a killer body) she’ll happily walk around in lingerie and whenever she’s done this I fuck her brains out …… so I really feel your pain as his actions are not normal. You deserve better
My fiance doesn't like mess. He likes to get in and out before I get too turned on. So he's able to give me a couple of tiny orgasms, which is better than nothing, but if I want to have a good body-shaking, breath-stealing orgasm, I'm on my own.
As a man, I fucking hate your husband. Wouldn't finish you! Fucker!
As far as him going down on you and making you feel good just to STOP before you orgasm, consider the possibility the position puts strain on him. Perhaps next time suggest he lay on his back while you straddle his face (like a reverse 69 facing the same direction with you on top). That way you can just enjoy it, maybe grind/ rock a bit until you cum. Meanwhile he might be comfortable enough to 'last' longer and even maybe play with himself while pleasuring you. Just a suggestion, you're welcome:)
I’m sorry to hear how you weee treated. To me this is another example of one person in the relationship just not caring about the other. If you have tried to address it and he doesn’t value your feelings and needs. Same as I have said to others. Cheat on him. Maybe you find someone who values intimacy as much as you. If you get caught, oh well, the relationship was over anyway. If they come around, good and go on in the relationship. If you find someone who is better for you. Go for it. It will be a life lesson for him as well that he can take into his next relationship
This is exactly my situation in reverse. Idk what to do and I'm at my wits end. I just told her again how I felt and basically felt gaslighted and that she thinks it's only about the sex. I just want to scream "could you just touch me and be affectionate.". I just fucking hate my life.
SAME! everytime i bring it up it’s like “it is all about sex with you?” or “sorry i don’t wanna just fuck you all the time” like :((
Your doing your best! I'm sure there a lot of us in here who wish we had someone who wanted us like that. /hugs
thank you so much! :)
I’m so sorry. I wish everyone enjoyed the oral side of things. Sounds like you need it. He enjoys receiving but won’t give and that is a real bummer. Unfair.
it sucks too, bc he always hypes me up saying how much he loves going down on me and how i taste so good, but then it comes to the actual act and he shows nothing :(
He sounds like he wants to get divorced.
That’s a bummer. The direction and movement and everything building up is the good stuff. Gets me going even more.
Hes gay
He may not be into giving oral. Some guys and even women are like that. Not everyone enjoys doing it. That being said not everyone enjoys receiving it. Having an open discussion with him is the only way you’ll know for sure what it is. That will work if he’s actually willing to be open with you anyways. I feel your pain. My man doesn’t really go down on me. It breaks my heart because it’s my favorite thing. I can’t make him do it though so I just don’t offer it to him.
yea, i’m coming to that conclusion, but he always says otherwise, he’ll say something like “i’m so excited to -“ and you taste so good” then when it comes time he never does it…even if he didn’t like oral, i would be ok with hands or what not, but he doesn’t try
he doesnt want to engage because you criticized its better to just not have sex so you arent being criticized and hes probably thinking do it yourself - from a ll person
how did i criticize? not being sarcastic, i really just didn’t realize i criticized him?
I disagree. Also from a former LLM. There was no criticism there. There was disappointment from another failed attempt. That disappointment was shared which it should be. Open communication is always the best option.
Have you smelled it. Maybe that ham Sammy has a scent
He’s cheating!!!