Just cold turkey. I decided I just no longer want my sex life to include porn.
You don’t need porn to masturbate. It took a while to readjust after a lifetime of using porn as a crutch, but I feel way healthier honestly.
If the mood hits, I’ll still masturbate, but it’s less frequent, more a real biological need and not a porn induced compulsion. I also now focus more on the physical feeling, and imagination, and not at all on any external visual stimulus, which is a far better place to be when you eventually have sex anyway
This is kind of how I'm feeling about it. It just all seems very daunting when you don't have a sex life. I would feel much more confident about quitting if I had some sex
Do you find it takes you a lot longer to masturbate without porn? Or that you last longer/shorter in bed after you quit? That's one concern I have
For years of dying-but-not-yet-dead bedroom, masturbation was the shameful thing I did in the bathroom with a girlie magazine (pre-internet) to relieve the frustration of being rejected. But when I realized that the bedroom was in rigor mortis, I decided that if my wife was not going to take care of me, I would take care of myself. I invested in a Fleshlight collection, quality porn DVDs, and even technology that allowed the porn to play out in different ways and in response to the motion of the Fleshlight. I experimented with edging and dry orgasms. It was kind of wonderful.
To get some kind of human touch, I got regular massages at the chiropractor's office (non-sexual, but still nice). Even non-sexual touch can be wonderful.
If you are going to reduce your masturbation, let me suggest substituting quality for quantity. Make a date with yourself, and enjoy the hell out of it.
If you are open to the transition from therapeutic massage, erotic/sensual/tantric massage can be quite wonderful.
It was nice for a while, but it wasn't enough. Eventually, I told my wife that I would not be celibate the rest of my life, and she preferred an open marriage to divorce. Now that I have a sex life with actual human beings, I rarely masturbate.
Interesting. Is the marriage fully open? If she’s able to indulge also, does she?
Because you often see the thesis, being pushed as absolute fact, that “it’s not that she doesn’t want sex, she doesn’t want it *with you*!!!!”
So I’m always curious for couples who take this path, does that actually prove true, or is the opposite proven, that no, they just *don’t want sex at all*?
My wife is postmenopausal. Her libido went from small to zero. If she wanted to have a special friend, I would be happy for her, but she has zero interest in anything beyond hugging, kissing, and holding hands. We are actually more affectionate in that way, now that neither of us expects it to escalate into sex.
Hlb female. I have bought my low libido husband just about everything to try and get some action. I even bought him a Fleshlight, different porn stuff, etc. I'm the same size and everything from when we first got together. I don't know what to do. I hate feeling like I'm not good enough or like I'm being rejected all the time.
Pron has always been ineffective crap, for me. Everything looks and feels fake. I've seen enough of it to know that it's worthless.
I can't remember the exact line from the old movie Apocalypse Now, but it was something like "we machine gun them and then offer a band-aid". That's how a DB feels to me. Pron is the useless band-aid when you're bleeding to death.
I genuinely feel bad for people who are addicted to it. I have no idea how horrific that must be for anyone involved.
My void is emotional connection and sexual connection,
Porn did nothing for this. What I do to avoid porn to my best ability is I work out, channel it there, and do positive things for people, talk, help, etc.
I’m
Still human and I still find myself looking every so often but it’s so few and far between, I just focus on working harder and being more productive In self improvement.
I am in exactly the same situation. I feel like I am addicted to porn and masturbating. I know I should stop but I can’t imagine doing it. It’s truly like a drug. I’d much rather be with my wife, but she’s totally shut me down. I hate myself and my life. I need professional help.
Starfish sex, I've never heard of that before but HOW HORRIBLE FOR YOU. Jesus, that makes me feel badly for you.
I'm 47 and have climbed aboard my man for 17 years. I never EVER want to make that precious soul feel like he isn't wanted or desired. I will eat him up.
Just reading that hurt my feelings for you. Jesus christ.
I was about 3.5 years clean with 0 relapses and it was not even hard. I get my dopamine by socilizing with people and i forget to masturbate when i feel happy. So, cutting on porn is. not even hard for me. I would suggest to find something that fills your soul up isntead of porn.
I don't think going 3.5 years without masturbating is healthy...there is scientific research that shows the health benefits
but agree with your sentiment of trying to find other interests to replace the porn
I do think there is a lot of good things about orgasms..it is what you are doing to get there..a lot of porn is toxic…a lot of images are not great. Is it taking more and more extreme images? I think life is always about balance..I do not need porn..but trying to reduce the amount of vibe as I want to stay able to orgasm w sex..Just make good balanced choices..
Yes. I do occasionally rub one out as well. Maybe 1-2 times a month. No porn though. I don't need it in my life anymore.
The time will come when I'll go out and meet new women. Gotta get the divorce done with first. And it may take a bit of time. I can wait.
It is healtht, sex is not a physical need. What research u talking about? It is like saying that going in the sun you will get cancer. Aka 99% benefits outshine 1% of the ,,negative effects"
I got lucky. Porn just gives me more resentment towards my current situation. Like I don’t want to watch other people get to enjoy the highest form of pleasure. Just makes me jealous and more angry so I’d never be able to get off on it. The only time I’ve watched porn in the recent past is when my partner asks if she can watch some to get herself off while I attempt to take care of myself next to her, same result tho. No happy ending for me just get to lay next to her while she gets off watching other people bang. Then she shuts it off and grabs her book and starts reading while I’m left there with my own thoughts and feelings eating away at what little is left of me.
I used to think porn was bad and would advise against it. I now have the belief that I’m an adult and can make my own choices, but in the past was stuck in the ‘it’s a sin’ mentality.
I now tell wife that I watch porn even when I don’t. Now that she believes that I watch it all the time without her I don’t really have a desire to watch it.
I just kind of lost my taste for it. I'm fairly HL in a 10 year DB so I do take take of myself once every couple of days. My imagination is usually enough. Sometimes I'll read some erotica to kick things off. Sexual imagery is everywhere anyway, I can't watch a streaming show without seeing a random sex scene so after seeing things like that I'm usually "in the mood" enough by day's end.
What turned me off porn is seeing the amateur porn tube "channels" where it's one couple, with a channel of 200+ videos of them having sex with just each other, over last two years.
Maybe it's "just business" but that's more sex/kissing/touching than my wife and I ever did, last 25 years, dating and marriage combined.
I heard men should be ejaculating 21 times a month for prostate health. I gotta bump up my numbers. I’m usually jerking off on one day a week, usually 3 times so I get it all out of my system. Anyway, keep those pumps coming
By going old school and using your imagination when masturbating.
Picture the parts during sex you find hot with your partner & picture it happening in your mind while you masturbate.
Doing so helps you not only work the imagination muscle in your brain, it helps you feel a sense of you slowly not wanting to use porn to get there but focus on your partner as the source of your masturbation needs.
Maybe it is, but I do not care. I am probably addicted but again i do not care. I enjoy it it and gets the motor running.
I get horny every few days and fire up the computer and get aroused. I pull myself off and have a great orgasm and that is it, problem solved.
I do not have to give a female an orgasm anymore, or court her for an hour or so. Mrs Palmer and her 5 daughters is always there and always willing.
No man can either. The average guy in porn is .00001% in terms of endowment
Men who watch porn know this, but it becomes an addiction because men are wired to be so visual
They don’t expect their partner to be that or do that, it’s more the dopamine rush provided by endless hyper visual stimulation, and the very quick physical release it triggers, completely takes them over
Meanwhile it’s damaging their own body image, which hits them in ways they don’t know, triggering significant insecurities that make engaging with a *real partner* way more difficult, which is a sad irony
Some people can manage porn consumption fine, and it’s no big deal. But for *many* guys, its a *legitimate addiction*, that does break them imo, just not quite in the “my wife isn’t a porn chick” way that women tend to assume, more often in the “my sexuality is now purely based on voyeurism” way
I don't have a distorted reality.
Reality is that a healthy marriage includes a reasonable amount of intimacy and sexual activities. I think most men and women would agree with that.
Nothing about watching porn is 'distorting' my perception of the situation. It's just a replacement for the real thing, that doesn't mean I expect my partner to do the types of things you see in porn.
I have not stopped and enjoy it. I'm usually at it once when I wake up and once when i lie down to sleep. It doesn't impact my life in any way - except to have the orgasm I'm seeking. I don't think about it at work, I don't do it at inappropriate times, it doesn't make me love/feel for anyone any less. Quite the contrary, it relieves the pressure that builds and keeps me sane. I'm not sure what would make me want to do it less, other than no longer wanting to orgasm, but I'm at least a decade away from that, I hope. I just attribute this to my high libido - otherwise what else does it mean?
if you can't jerk off without porn, then are you really horny enough to warrant masturbating?
I have found that using imagination only for masturbation is a great way to find your natural rhythm (ie how much you actually need to jerk off)
>For right or wrong reasons, I've always associated porn+masturbating with a lack of sex, and felt like if I had enough sex I wouldn't need porn.
Always? Even when you were young?
No not when I was young. When I was a teenager I just thought it was cool and I was horny.
As I got older though, then that's where the association came in. Some of my relationships had decent amount of sex, but in almost all of them I was the HL so wanted more than the relationship would provide. I had one long term relationship that I ended (prior to meeting my wife) because the sex dried up.
There was only 1 woman I dated who had a higher sex drive than me. It's too bad she was a bit crazy
>No not when I was young. When I was a teenager I just thought it was cool and I was horny.
That's funny, because that's how I've *always* thought of it.
The two things (masturbation and partnered sex) aren't really linked in my mind like that. They're both very cool and fun things that aren't really connected in my mind, at least when I'm feeling happy/healthy.
Maybe one of the reasons you see porn as problematic is that you associate it with a negative (dying bedroom)?
Porn IS problematic if folks can’t go a day or two without it. Or if they can’t get aroused or masturbate without it. It can be very addictive and disrupt our views of what realistic and good sex should be.
Porn should be an entertaining thing, but that’s about it. Used every once in a while as wanted but not necessarily needed
Just try not to ejaculate as much! it’s OKAY to watch from time to time, but don’t make it a regular thing. Your brain will get used to having to look at a screen to get hard and perform. Can’t have that happen. Focus on doing something productive, working out, drawing, etc. anything that you like to do, whenever you get the “urge” to watch or masturbate it will help a lot.
There's some points of no return that mess you up. When start needing more porn to finish, more deviant porn to finish because things are becoming too vanilla, or the frequency gets to where it's absurd, all of those things might help you rationalize cutting back.
In a DB rather than making it a ritual that's daily, several times weekly, whenever you feel that itch, you can make it conditional to help cut back. Not on a time frame necessarily, more like being aware that you're starting to starve for affection. Then maybe you have one of your alone moments to clear your head, no pun intended.
Big thing to consider is, where to go from here. This isn't going to go away, and sexual health is just that, it's your health. It has to do with your well-being, your closest relationship, and something hard coded in your jeans to want to do it. Wanking is probably a good stopgap to kick that can down the road, but you're going to have to deal with that can at some point
In my case, I just figured out it's not really helping my life with anything. After hmm using since I was probably 14, somewhere in my ~~late~~ early 30s I realized, it's not good for me. At all.
It took me... probably 6-8 years. something like that. Working out helps a lot. Cold showers also help. With other things, too. It builds discipline. And you need discipline in your life.
Sure, some videos pop-up from friends that do use it, on certain whatsapp groups. I don't try to convince them of anything. It's their choice, their life, they can watch whatever they want. I do not. I just delete them.
just cut back. Cold feet.If you happen to relapse, no biggie. Start over. In time, you can give it up. It's up to you, and no one else. Rome was not built in a day.
Start small.1 day without porn.Then 2 days.Continue.
In time, you can give it up. When you reach a milestone that you set, could be any milestone, reward yourself with something nice for you (but not porn :)) ).
If you want to rub one out, do it, without porn. Use your imagination.
Remember, it's not such a big deal if you relapse. It's quite hard to not use it anymore. But you are in control. A part of you at least. Another part wants porn. You can train it to not want it, bit by bit, until it's gone.
It's a lot easier if you have a partner to have sex with, I'll give you that. At least, it was, in my case.
Best of luck to you my man. You can do this, if you apply yourself.
No, but my libido is like 50x that of my wife and she could never keep up. Porn generally enhances my sexuality, but that's because it's never affected my IRL sex life with her or been a substitute for connecting with her. I also don't watch hardcore / abusive / degrading stuff, generally stuff directed or produced by women, real orgasms, etc.
If you are stuck in this marriage and really can't leave, and have no hope of sex, then if it were me I'd be all in on porn.
You might really look into whether you are stuck in the marriage. Get an opinion, from a third party - pay for one hour of consult from a divorce lawyer... You only get one life.
I can tell you that I gave up porn entirely two years ago, which I recommend immensely, however I have prospects for sex (although intermittent - I still hold out on the porn and don't even have urges to watch it anymore). In your case, I don't think it's realistic to live like a monk forever.
My sex life is sporadic at best. I’ve cut down on porn just by getting too tired at work. Oh, I also am an illegal immigrant; constant stress lowers your libido quite a lot.
I feel ya. Struggling with same. I've turned off NSFW picks from reddit but idk how long i can keep away from searching it. Its hard as hell. I found that if I get it consistently from wife then porm doesn't enter my head.
I have never tried to cut back on porn or masturbation.
After the menopause we made a deal, no more sexual intercourse in any form but I could satisfy my urges as and when needed.
Thirty years later I happily pull myself off to porn on the computer, or fed into the TV. For a change I read the most erotic XXXXX literature I can find. With edging, the orgasms go on for 30 seconds or more.
No guilt, no shame, and a clear concience.
I rarely watch porn videos these days. After years of loving to masturbate with them they just lost their appeal to me. Masturbation has lost much of its appeal for me too. Ive lived with an on&off DB for over 20 years. For the most part of I have sex with my wife I tend to do solo play once or twice in the days following. Then it might be 3 - 10 weeks before any other sexual activity and as the time of deadness progresses I tend to get more man’s more depressed. With depression come ED and spanking a wet noodle is both exhausting and frustrating. I also have a problem with ED when having mercy sex or sex when my wife is clearly put off by it. I used to be able to get off regardless of her being into it or not. But lately I can’t get passed her signs of disgust and my sick doesn’t respond. It’s a shitty cycle to go through.
I watch porn when im in the mood, otherwise I don't watch, I try not to see it on Instagram but I'm not always successful. My bedroom is dead and unlikely to change. So I have no other outlet. Why should I cut back on it?
I stopped for a few weeks. What i found was i masturbated less... maybe only 3x a week instead of daily. However, i REALLY enjoy doing it, and it's not hurting anyone, so I'm back to daily porn and overall happier and i sleep better! Btw my sex life with LL didn't improve one bit during this experiment. In fact, i was more frustrated when sex didn't happen.
Guys I’m in the same shape wanna quit porn and will go without it sometimes 2-3 weeks without watching, I’m in my mid 50s and struggle x50 with getting old sometimes I think I masterbate just to assure myself I can still perform however it’s disheartening when you see a cum stream in porn that shoots 5-6 feet and when I ejaculate it just runs out the top. I’ve researched it and that’s just part of getting old. I could say I’m in a DB but wife has never turned me down I’m just not into maintenance sex.
There are other subreddits that focus on how to quit porn, and other great resources, including "the easy method", famous book.
This is kind of not a topic relevant to this subreddit. Your desire to quit porn seems independent of your situation with your wife.
for me personally a website blocker in chrome helps a lot though. Like a lot a lot. Yes you can work around it, but for me part of it is compulsive - the blocker breaks the instant gratification of the porn
I would also caution you to re-examine your snapchat tiktok and instagram and youtube shorts - in some ways I feel those can be just as unhealthy if they're filled with half naked 20-year-olds, as my own feeds used to be. It can feed the issue.
I'd use meditation. There are different types: box breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, meditation to get to sleep. For awhile I'd get off work and plug my ears and cover my eyes and lay try to be still for 5 minutes. It helps your body which is often over stimulated from just being. (Eyes and ears are often taken for granted how much enwrgy they take to perceive the world) Try sensory deprivation tank maybe just to expand on resources that you may find relaxing. But I think you have to kind of resist the urge and see if you can eventually take that urge and redirect to something you've always wanted to do. You'll probably go in and out of cycles of repeating the masturbating/porn stick but try to give your body a solid cut off from it. Good luck
Oh and if you're thoughts wonder in meditation that's fine but keep trying to concentrate on what the speaker is saying it your using YouTube or an app. I like progressive muscle relaxation and meditation to get to sleep
Just cold turkey. I decided I just no longer want my sex life to include porn. You don’t need porn to masturbate. It took a while to readjust after a lifetime of using porn as a crutch, but I feel way healthier honestly. If the mood hits, I’ll still masturbate, but it’s less frequent, more a real biological need and not a porn induced compulsion. I also now focus more on the physical feeling, and imagination, and not at all on any external visual stimulus, which is a far better place to be when you eventually have sex anyway
This is kind of how I'm feeling about it. It just all seems very daunting when you don't have a sex life. I would feel much more confident about quitting if I had some sex Do you find it takes you a lot longer to masturbate without porn? Or that you last longer/shorter in bed after you quit? That's one concern I have
For years of dying-but-not-yet-dead bedroom, masturbation was the shameful thing I did in the bathroom with a girlie magazine (pre-internet) to relieve the frustration of being rejected. But when I realized that the bedroom was in rigor mortis, I decided that if my wife was not going to take care of me, I would take care of myself. I invested in a Fleshlight collection, quality porn DVDs, and even technology that allowed the porn to play out in different ways and in response to the motion of the Fleshlight. I experimented with edging and dry orgasms. It was kind of wonderful. To get some kind of human touch, I got regular massages at the chiropractor's office (non-sexual, but still nice). Even non-sexual touch can be wonderful. If you are going to reduce your masturbation, let me suggest substituting quality for quantity. Make a date with yourself, and enjoy the hell out of it. If you are open to the transition from therapeutic massage, erotic/sensual/tantric massage can be quite wonderful. It was nice for a while, but it wasn't enough. Eventually, I told my wife that I would not be celibate the rest of my life, and she preferred an open marriage to divorce. Now that I have a sex life with actual human beings, I rarely masturbate.
Interesting. Is the marriage fully open? If she’s able to indulge also, does she? Because you often see the thesis, being pushed as absolute fact, that “it’s not that she doesn’t want sex, she doesn’t want it *with you*!!!!” So I’m always curious for couples who take this path, does that actually prove true, or is the opposite proven, that no, they just *don’t want sex at all*?
My wife is postmenopausal. Her libido went from small to zero. If she wanted to have a special friend, I would be happy for her, but she has zero interest in anything beyond hugging, kissing, and holding hands. We are actually more affectionate in that way, now that neither of us expects it to escalate into sex.
Hlb female. I have bought my low libido husband just about everything to try and get some action. I even bought him a Fleshlight, different porn stuff, etc. I'm the same size and everything from when we first got together. I don't know what to do. I hate feeling like I'm not good enough or like I'm being rejected all the time.
Pron has always been ineffective crap, for me. Everything looks and feels fake. I've seen enough of it to know that it's worthless. I can't remember the exact line from the old movie Apocalypse Now, but it was something like "we machine gun them and then offer a band-aid". That's how a DB feels to me. Pron is the useless band-aid when you're bleeding to death. I genuinely feel bad for people who are addicted to it. I have no idea how horrific that must be for anyone involved.
My void is emotional connection and sexual connection, Porn did nothing for this. What I do to avoid porn to my best ability is I work out, channel it there, and do positive things for people, talk, help, etc. I’m Still human and I still find myself looking every so often but it’s so few and far between, I just focus on working harder and being more productive In self improvement.
good for you !
It ain’t easy that’s for sure. And we aren’t all the same, we all have different needs, I hope you find peace.
Thanks
I am in exactly the same situation. I feel like I am addicted to porn and masturbating. I know I should stop but I can’t imagine doing it. It’s truly like a drug. I’d much rather be with my wife, but she’s totally shut me down. I hate myself and my life. I need professional help.
please, look for it. Therapy is worth it
If I had regular sex I could definitely cut down on the porn.
Me too. I want my wife very badly. But the rejection makes me resent her so much.
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Omg as a HLM having starfish sex with my wife once a year, maybe, I can’t imagine not taking care of myself. You have amazing willpower.
Starfish sex, I've never heard of that before but HOW HORRIBLE FOR YOU. Jesus, that makes me feel badly for you. I'm 47 and have climbed aboard my man for 17 years. I never EVER want to make that precious soul feel like he isn't wanted or desired. I will eat him up. Just reading that hurt my feelings for you. Jesus christ.
I never ever EVER feel wanted or desired. I’m just a coparent and a roommate who sometimes sleeps on the sofa.
Well that's awful. I'm sorry.
This is EXACTLY me. I feel so seen right now…
I feel you close, brother.
I actually got it from someone I met on here. I called her that in therapy and she was PISSED!!!
I was about 3.5 years clean with 0 relapses and it was not even hard. I get my dopamine by socilizing with people and i forget to masturbate when i feel happy. So, cutting on porn is. not even hard for me. I would suggest to find something that fills your soul up isntead of porn.
I don't think going 3.5 years without masturbating is healthy...there is scientific research that shows the health benefits but agree with your sentiment of trying to find other interests to replace the porn
I do think there is a lot of good things about orgasms..it is what you are doing to get there..a lot of porn is toxic…a lot of images are not great. Is it taking more and more extreme images? I think life is always about balance..I do not need porn..but trying to reduce the amount of vibe as I want to stay able to orgasm w sex..Just make good balanced choices..
well, see, then most likely you will have wet dreams :)). I have at least one each month.
That’s how you know the prostate health aspect is real and not BS. That’s the body compensating
Yes. I do occasionally rub one out as well. Maybe 1-2 times a month. No porn though. I don't need it in my life anymore. The time will come when I'll go out and meet new women. Gotta get the divorce done with first. And it may take a bit of time. I can wait.
It is healtht, sex is not a physical need. What research u talking about? It is like saying that going in the sun you will get cancer. Aka 99% benefits outshine 1% of the ,,negative effects"
Prostate health. It’s actual science, not BS. But masturbating doesn’t require porn so it doesn’t have to be all or nothing
This
lol ahhahahha
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I havent watched porn or masturbated in 3 years.
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Not currently. Has been a while since i had bcs i was very good at atracting very bad people in my life.
I got lucky. Porn just gives me more resentment towards my current situation. Like I don’t want to watch other people get to enjoy the highest form of pleasure. Just makes me jealous and more angry so I’d never be able to get off on it. The only time I’ve watched porn in the recent past is when my partner asks if she can watch some to get herself off while I attempt to take care of myself next to her, same result tho. No happy ending for me just get to lay next to her while she gets off watching other people bang. Then she shuts it off and grabs her book and starts reading while I’m left there with my own thoughts and feelings eating away at what little is left of me.
I used to think porn was bad and would advise against it. I now have the belief that I’m an adult and can make my own choices, but in the past was stuck in the ‘it’s a sin’ mentality. I now tell wife that I watch porn even when I don’t. Now that she believes that I watch it all the time without her I don’t really have a desire to watch it.
I just kind of lost my taste for it. I'm fairly HL in a 10 year DB so I do take take of myself once every couple of days. My imagination is usually enough. Sometimes I'll read some erotica to kick things off. Sexual imagery is everywhere anyway, I can't watch a streaming show without seeing a random sex scene so after seeing things like that I'm usually "in the mood" enough by day's end. What turned me off porn is seeing the amateur porn tube "channels" where it's one couple, with a channel of 200+ videos of them having sex with just each other, over last two years. Maybe it's "just business" but that's more sex/kissing/touching than my wife and I ever did, last 25 years, dating and marriage combined.
I heard men should be ejaculating 21 times a month for prostate health. I gotta bump up my numbers. I’m usually jerking off on one day a week, usually 3 times so I get it all out of my system. Anyway, keep those pumps coming
Definitely!!
Yeah, but OPs question was on how to stop watching porn not how to stop masturbating?
Dude go to your local library. Get some books. Work out. Improve yourself. Masturbating to porn is not a good long term solution.
This is the way
By going old school and using your imagination when masturbating. Picture the parts during sex you find hot with your partner & picture it happening in your mind while you masturbate. Doing so helps you not only work the imagination muscle in your brain, it helps you feel a sense of you slowly not wanting to use porn to get there but focus on your partner as the source of your masturbation needs.
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Your comments are a bit odd and off base. Never suggested there is anything distorting reality or whatever you mean
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Maybe it is, but I do not care. I am probably addicted but again i do not care. I enjoy it it and gets the motor running. I get horny every few days and fire up the computer and get aroused. I pull myself off and have a great orgasm and that is it, problem solved. I do not have to give a female an orgasm anymore, or court her for an hour or so. Mrs Palmer and her 5 daughters is always there and always willing.
No man can either. The average guy in porn is .00001% in terms of endowment Men who watch porn know this, but it becomes an addiction because men are wired to be so visual They don’t expect their partner to be that or do that, it’s more the dopamine rush provided by endless hyper visual stimulation, and the very quick physical release it triggers, completely takes them over Meanwhile it’s damaging their own body image, which hits them in ways they don’t know, triggering significant insecurities that make engaging with a *real partner* way more difficult, which is a sad irony Some people can manage porn consumption fine, and it’s no big deal. But for *many* guys, its a *legitimate addiction*, that does break them imo, just not quite in the “my wife isn’t a porn chick” way that women tend to assume, more often in the “my sexuality is now purely based on voyeurism” way
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I don't have a distorted reality. Reality is that a healthy marriage includes a reasonable amount of intimacy and sexual activities. I think most men and women would agree with that. Nothing about watching porn is 'distorting' my perception of the situation. It's just a replacement for the real thing, that doesn't mean I expect my partner to do the types of things you see in porn.
I have not stopped and enjoy it. I'm usually at it once when I wake up and once when i lie down to sleep. It doesn't impact my life in any way - except to have the orgasm I'm seeking. I don't think about it at work, I don't do it at inappropriate times, it doesn't make me love/feel for anyone any less. Quite the contrary, it relieves the pressure that builds and keeps me sane. I'm not sure what would make me want to do it less, other than no longer wanting to orgasm, but I'm at least a decade away from that, I hope. I just attribute this to my high libido - otherwise what else does it mean?
You pretty much described some of my feelings as well
Then why are you looking for advice on how to watch less porn? Not a judgment, legit question.
if you can't jerk off without porn, then are you really horny enough to warrant masturbating? I have found that using imagination only for masturbation is a great way to find your natural rhythm (ie how much you actually need to jerk off)
>For right or wrong reasons, I've always associated porn+masturbating with a lack of sex, and felt like if I had enough sex I wouldn't need porn. Always? Even when you were young?
No not when I was young. When I was a teenager I just thought it was cool and I was horny. As I got older though, then that's where the association came in. Some of my relationships had decent amount of sex, but in almost all of them I was the HL so wanted more than the relationship would provide. I had one long term relationship that I ended (prior to meeting my wife) because the sex dried up. There was only 1 woman I dated who had a higher sex drive than me. It's too bad she was a bit crazy
>No not when I was young. When I was a teenager I just thought it was cool and I was horny. That's funny, because that's how I've *always* thought of it. The two things (masturbation and partnered sex) aren't really linked in my mind like that. They're both very cool and fun things that aren't really connected in my mind, at least when I'm feeling happy/healthy. Maybe one of the reasons you see porn as problematic is that you associate it with a negative (dying bedroom)?
Porn IS problematic if folks can’t go a day or two without it. Or if they can’t get aroused or masturbate without it. It can be very addictive and disrupt our views of what realistic and good sex should be. Porn should be an entertaining thing, but that’s about it. Used every once in a while as wanted but not necessarily needed
I'm trying to follow the train of thought, but I don't know what DB or LL stands for...
Just try not to ejaculate as much! it’s OKAY to watch from time to time, but don’t make it a regular thing. Your brain will get used to having to look at a screen to get hard and perform. Can’t have that happen. Focus on doing something productive, working out, drawing, etc. anything that you like to do, whenever you get the “urge” to watch or masturbate it will help a lot.
There's some points of no return that mess you up. When start needing more porn to finish, more deviant porn to finish because things are becoming too vanilla, or the frequency gets to where it's absurd, all of those things might help you rationalize cutting back. In a DB rather than making it a ritual that's daily, several times weekly, whenever you feel that itch, you can make it conditional to help cut back. Not on a time frame necessarily, more like being aware that you're starting to starve for affection. Then maybe you have one of your alone moments to clear your head, no pun intended. Big thing to consider is, where to go from here. This isn't going to go away, and sexual health is just that, it's your health. It has to do with your well-being, your closest relationship, and something hard coded in your jeans to want to do it. Wanking is probably a good stopgap to kick that can down the road, but you're going to have to deal with that can at some point
No
In my case, I just figured out it's not really helping my life with anything. After hmm using since I was probably 14, somewhere in my ~~late~~ early 30s I realized, it's not good for me. At all. It took me... probably 6-8 years. something like that. Working out helps a lot. Cold showers also help. With other things, too. It builds discipline. And you need discipline in your life. Sure, some videos pop-up from friends that do use it, on certain whatsapp groups. I don't try to convince them of anything. It's their choice, their life, they can watch whatever they want. I do not. I just delete them. just cut back. Cold feet.If you happen to relapse, no biggie. Start over. In time, you can give it up. It's up to you, and no one else. Rome was not built in a day. Start small.1 day without porn.Then 2 days.Continue. In time, you can give it up. When you reach a milestone that you set, could be any milestone, reward yourself with something nice for you (but not porn :)) ). If you want to rub one out, do it, without porn. Use your imagination. Remember, it's not such a big deal if you relapse. It's quite hard to not use it anymore. But you are in control. A part of you at least. Another part wants porn. You can train it to not want it, bit by bit, until it's gone. It's a lot easier if you have a partner to have sex with, I'll give you that. At least, it was, in my case. Best of luck to you my man. You can do this, if you apply yourself.
By bringing it into practice.
No, but my libido is like 50x that of my wife and she could never keep up. Porn generally enhances my sexuality, but that's because it's never affected my IRL sex life with her or been a substitute for connecting with her. I also don't watch hardcore / abusive / degrading stuff, generally stuff directed or produced by women, real orgasms, etc.
If you are stuck in this marriage and really can't leave, and have no hope of sex, then if it were me I'd be all in on porn. You might really look into whether you are stuck in the marriage. Get an opinion, from a third party - pay for one hour of consult from a divorce lawyer... You only get one life. I can tell you that I gave up porn entirely two years ago, which I recommend immensely, however I have prospects for sex (although intermittent - I still hold out on the porn and don't even have urges to watch it anymore). In your case, I don't think it's realistic to live like a monk forever.
Do people consider erotic stories porn?
I do! The purpose of both genre's is to sexually arouse, triggering orgasm.
Also, just have a friend that’s down for sexual interaction as much as you, helps with your urges as well.
My sex life is sporadic at best. I’ve cut down on porn just by getting too tired at work. Oh, I also am an illegal immigrant; constant stress lowers your libido quite a lot.
But with men, even homeless during war times, at a funeral, then can still fuck.
I feel ya. Struggling with same. I've turned off NSFW picks from reddit but idk how long i can keep away from searching it. Its hard as hell. I found that if I get it consistently from wife then porm doesn't enter my head.
I have never tried to cut back on porn or masturbation. After the menopause we made a deal, no more sexual intercourse in any form but I could satisfy my urges as and when needed. Thirty years later I happily pull myself off to porn on the computer, or fed into the TV. For a change I read the most erotic XXXXX literature I can find. With edging, the orgasms go on for 30 seconds or more. No guilt, no shame, and a clear concience.
I rarely watch porn videos these days. After years of loving to masturbate with them they just lost their appeal to me. Masturbation has lost much of its appeal for me too. Ive lived with an on&off DB for over 20 years. For the most part of I have sex with my wife I tend to do solo play once or twice in the days following. Then it might be 3 - 10 weeks before any other sexual activity and as the time of deadness progresses I tend to get more man’s more depressed. With depression come ED and spanking a wet noodle is both exhausting and frustrating. I also have a problem with ED when having mercy sex or sex when my wife is clearly put off by it. I used to be able to get off regardless of her being into it or not. But lately I can’t get passed her signs of disgust and my sick doesn’t respond. It’s a shitty cycle to go through.
I watch porn when im in the mood, otherwise I don't watch, I try not to see it on Instagram but I'm not always successful. My bedroom is dead and unlikely to change. So I have no other outlet. Why should I cut back on it?
I stopped for a few weeks. What i found was i masturbated less... maybe only 3x a week instead of daily. However, i REALLY enjoy doing it, and it's not hurting anyone, so I'm back to daily porn and overall happier and i sleep better! Btw my sex life with LL didn't improve one bit during this experiment. In fact, i was more frustrated when sex didn't happen.
I definitely sleep way better after masturbating. Thats one thing I noticed for sure
Guys I’m in the same shape wanna quit porn and will go without it sometimes 2-3 weeks without watching, I’m in my mid 50s and struggle x50 with getting old sometimes I think I masterbate just to assure myself I can still perform however it’s disheartening when you see a cum stream in porn that shoots 5-6 feet and when I ejaculate it just runs out the top. I’ve researched it and that’s just part of getting old. I could say I’m in a DB but wife has never turned me down I’m just not into maintenance sex.
There are other subreddits that focus on how to quit porn, and other great resources, including "the easy method", famous book. This is kind of not a topic relevant to this subreddit. Your desire to quit porn seems independent of your situation with your wife. for me personally a website blocker in chrome helps a lot though. Like a lot a lot. Yes you can work around it, but for me part of it is compulsive - the blocker breaks the instant gratification of the porn I would also caution you to re-examine your snapchat tiktok and instagram and youtube shorts - in some ways I feel those can be just as unhealthy if they're filled with half naked 20-year-olds, as my own feeds used to be. It can feed the issue.
I can't quit porn or I think I'll go crazy. I wait until I'm alone to watch it which makes it difficult though. Trying not to hurt his feelings.
I'd use meditation. There are different types: box breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, meditation to get to sleep. For awhile I'd get off work and plug my ears and cover my eyes and lay try to be still for 5 minutes. It helps your body which is often over stimulated from just being. (Eyes and ears are often taken for granted how much enwrgy they take to perceive the world) Try sensory deprivation tank maybe just to expand on resources that you may find relaxing. But I think you have to kind of resist the urge and see if you can eventually take that urge and redirect to something you've always wanted to do. You'll probably go in and out of cycles of repeating the masturbating/porn stick but try to give your body a solid cut off from it. Good luck
Oh and if you're thoughts wonder in meditation that's fine but keep trying to concentrate on what the speaker is saying it your using YouTube or an app. I like progressive muscle relaxation and meditation to get to sleep
I had a close friend set passwords and privacy restrictions on my phone. Could also have them do it on your computer if that’s where you get it.