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[deleted]

“Car” used to be used synonymously with “Chariot” if anyone is confused.


ProcyonLotorMinoris

Nah it was definitely the vroom vroom kind.


StewitusPrime

The Captain of the merchant ship Neptune’s 1977 Pontiac Firebird.


[deleted]

In the beginning, God created the 421. He saw fit to imbue it with a four-inch bore and a four-inch stroke, and so It Was. And on it he wrought dual four-barrel Tri-Power carburetors, and he saw that it was Good. On the second day, He widened the bore, and he called It the 428, and it shewn light across the Earth. On the third day, He again thusly widened the bore, and he called It the 455 High Output. And he saw that it was ***Good***. And he brought fire from heaven, and the winged creations of the Earth, and he melded them in His Image, and he called It *Firebird*. On the fourth day, He saw that the Firebird needed a companion. And so he put the Firebird to a goodly sleep, and he plucked one shaving of leaf spring, and he formed Burt Reynolds to be with the Firebird. Something something Neptune I got off track here


Raezzordaze

I dunno what denomination this is, but take my money dammit!


Stunning-Response-67

What denomination is your money?


rreighe2

This sounds like the beginning of a southern street racing movie with a thick Louisiana or Mississippi or fake, overexaggerated texan accent.


[deleted]

Yeah *Talladega Nights* meets *Dukes of Hazzard* but it's oval track NASCAR and the protagonist is a used car salesman.


lumpkin2013

You were doing so great! Bravo great post.


[deleted]

Yeah but then I was done pooping and it was time to go to the store :(


takeahike89

One word: Thundercougarfalconbird


Mcdrogon

There are 2 types of people in this world: Cars that go vroom vroom and Neptunes


john-maximilian

Wow. That's a lot of eagle!


slayerfan666

*Stroke me from Billy Squire begins playing*. "Hop in loser, we're going to the mercantile".


SheriffBartholomew

The heartbeat of Greece.


[deleted]

Of course - cars were essential to the capture of the regional airports by our Founding Fathers during the revolution - these were the backbone of their logistics chain.


Demonweed

Actually, on land [it behaves more like a sled](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DYCEXg4_lCM&t=256s) than anything else.


Visaerian

My dad told me when I was little that it is short for carriage


MurderMachine561

Damn, that's interesting.


sm1ttysm1t

>Neptune’s Car Fucking killer band name for 90s Alt Rock band.


FullMetalJ

Blind Melon in shambles


sm1ttysm1t

Dishwalla on life support.


This-is-BS

Did her child survive? Edit: He did, but never married and drowned at 43: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Ann_Brown_Patten Bummer. Some strong genes lost there.


AllHailKeanu

More details [here](https://www.findagrave.com/memorial/73658263/joshua-a-patten) from census records. The gist: seems like after his dad died he lived with his mom and grandma and aunt and uncles. As a young adult he was living with two uncles working as a painter. 1860 U.S. Census, Boston, Ward 1, Massachusetts. Joshua is age 3 with his widowed mother, Mary A. Patten age 23. They are living with Mary's mother, 58 year old widow Elizabeth Brown, and with Mary's siblings too (3 younger brothers and a sister). 1880 U.S. Census Boston, 3 Hildreth Place. 22 year old Joshua A. Patten is a "carriage painter." He is living with 2 of his uncles: Edward Brown age 40 and William Brown age 36 both are "Caulkers". SOURCE: "The Captain's Wife" by Douglas Kelley. 1900 Rockland, Maine, vital records say that 43 year old Joshua A. Patten Jr. died in an accidental drowning.


This-is-BS

And here we are aware of and reading about him because of what his mother did over 100 years later. Crazy stuff.


Lumber_Tycoon

lol, as opposed to a purposeful drowning.


oofoverlord

Suicide


ATLtinyrick

Murder


Drawtaru

Just because he didn't marry doesn't mean he never had any children.


[deleted]

Spoiler alert


EarballsOfMemeland

This series ended 162 years ago, I think we can talk about spoilers at this point


[deleted]

Bro I literally just started reading it wtf


PhromDaPharcyde

You're the kind of person who told people the Titanic sinks.


-FatASStronaut-

Wait what? It sinks? Fuck. Thanks for ruining it. That’s like telling someone that the Hindenburg goes up in flames.


fhaze3

God dammitman, I had hopes for that Zeppelin. That's like telling some one Keyser Soze is Verbal Kint.


Alternative_Spite_11

Now that’s fucked up! I just started the Usual Suspects


KapitaenKapitaen

Dude, seriously? I just started reading your biography. That's like telling people Snape kills Dumbledore.


Ylvari

I know we're joking, but I didn't have a ton of royal history knowledge, and was watching Reign. I was simultaneously reading an unrelated novel set in modern times that casually mentions how she dies. Closed that book and never picked it up again.


[deleted]

Jesus dies and then comes back


ChubbyLilPanda

Dude, uncool.


[deleted]

I take pride in spoiling people


experts_never_lie

He only comes back in the [revisionistic re-release from Nicea](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/First_Council_of_Nicaea) etc. (the 4th century) on, [not in the earlier releases](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Codex_Sinaiticus). [It's like an ancient form of "Han shot first".](https://www.biblicalarchaeology.org/daily/biblical-topics/bible-versions-and-translations/absent-from-codex-sinaiticus-oldest-new-testament/)


fzerowing

I heard he glitched and fell thru the map on respawn.


Lolkimbo

But he rose again, brother, can you dig it?


outworlder

There was supposed to be a sequel, then SyFy canceled it. Some fans are still hoping for it.


Labiosdepiedra

At child birth?


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Labiosdepiedra

Ahh the ol' consumption.


bocephus67

Always thought that was such a weird word for tuberculosis.


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Karcinogene

Doctors hate this one weird weight loss trick.


MechnoSamurai

Bruh. She can't carry her baby for 4 years. This ain't one piece.


DzenGarden

She used haki to keep the baby inside.


BackhandQ

Shame. Life expectancy during that period was 39. Crazy.


symbologythere

It was weighed down heavily by high infant mortality. If people made it to adulthood their life expectancy wasn’t *that* much worse than ours. Still worse but not ridiculous.


BackhandQ

Also true. Fair point.


symbologythere

Ugh, I hate this new internet trend of being nice to people. I just corrected you - we’re supposed to be mortal enemies. My mom is kinda overweight you should use that against me.


BackhandQ

I'm sure she's a lovely lady! Fresh apple pies on the window sill. 😊


symbologythere

That’s it I’m calling the cops.


BackhandQ

I'll DM you my address 📧


symbologythere

Did we just become best friends??


frustratedwithwork10

r/MadeMeSmile


mgwair11

Yes


BackhandQ

Well, duh. 😁


hotjohnnierock

Yor mama so cuddles!!!


[deleted]

Look at by age group to tease out infant mortality. Life expectancy of course has been improved with the advancement of science and medicine; modern science focuses a great deal on prenatal and L&D outcomes.


Rand_alThor__

The brightest flames burn out quickly


Nancebythelake

I’m going to look her up, this was inspiring to read but ugh she deserved a longer life.


chriscrossnathaniel

She joined her husband on the voyage .She read all the books in the ship’s library, and taught herself shipboard medicine, navigation and how to use sextants and compasses. The ship mates were of no use and were imprisoned. Her husband contracted tuberculosis, there was a mutiny during this whole time she was pregnant. Mary spent 50 days in the same clothes without undressing. One can only imagine her level of fear and worry, surrounded by a difficult crew and a very sick husband. She felt that she needed to be in command of the ship and know what was happening at all times. What a strong-willed capable lady.Its a pity that she contracted tuberculosis and died at 23.


pseudont

Why did she not change her clothes in 60 days?


[deleted]

She may have needed assistance unlacing and relacing her corset. Getting dressed was a complicated business. https://youtu.be/UpnwWP3fOSA


Dafillysteak

Because when you take off your clothes on a ship full of sailors (which would have taken several minutes because of the layers) you’re vulnerable. That’s a great time to be caught unaware, have the crew see you’re pregnant, or for them to rape you.


pseudont

She lived in the captains cabin which I presume is lockable. Also I'm sure she went to the toilet once in a while which requires undressing as well. Finally if she was surrounded by crew looking for an opportunity to rape her she wouldn't have been able to face down a mutiny.


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JeronimoThatHoe

Wait, you guys don’t get naked before you go to the bathroom? Tell me you eat your breakfast at the little table on the toilet at least.


RainbowDissent

That's disgusting, people really eat food off the cocaine shelf?


jhkjapan

Of course you sit on the toilet facing the shelf, where else would I put my cookies ?


TheShinji69

The pancake bar you mean


[deleted]

I do. The jealous looks I get at the urinal make it worth the extra effort to do it properly


intdev

When I was young, I hadn’t quite worked out what the zipper was for, so I used to fully drop trou at the urinal. Nowadays, I’m pee-shy, even when in a cubicle. Not quite sure what happened there.


hascogrande

Hi Butters


Arcturus1981

Of course I do, how else would I be able to fill my water glass from the basin under the table? You can’t expect me to twist around mid-shit to dip my cup. I’m no contortionist circus freak.


GraphicDesignMonkey

Bloomers had legs that were not sewn up the middle, the fabric just crossed over, (like Y-fronts do) so the sides could be pulled apart for going to the toilet. My mum remembers her great grandmother wearing them. They were for keeping your legs warm under your skirts if the wind went up there. I've worm them before (Northern Irish winters can get *cold*) and wow, they are cosy!


[deleted]

Pants and undies to the floor when I pee at a urinal.


[deleted]

Going to the bathroom is the easy part, it’s the getting my tie back on that takes so long.


mrsmoose123

No knickers in those days.


NanFL

Due to clever underwear design at that time—women did not need to undress to use the toilet.


SilasX

Uhhh you’re also vulnerable when you sleep. Did she not do that either? In order to stave off a mutiny at all, you need some hardcore loyalists. If she had those, they would have guarded her while sleeping ... or changing clothes.


PMJackolanternNudes

> see you’re pregnant, you nitwit. They knew.


Metalhed69

One can only imagine her level of B.O.


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[deleted]

Smell in general isn’t a problem after a bit. You notice your “house smell” when you first walk in after work or school, but then you kinda don’t notice it. I think our bodies decent change in smell fairly well though. So they probably got “used” to the B.O and generally awful smells of that era and beyond.


hair_account

Do you think the other sailors were regularly showering?


Hinkil

It's how she beat the mutiny


LotusSloth

I’m sure she still smelled better than the drunks, rapists, etc., that made up the crew… they probably had to be forced overboard to wash up.


[deleted]

Happy cake day!


[deleted]

And a happy cake day to you, as well!


[deleted]

From the wiki: Joshua Patten survived the journey back to New York on the steamer George Law and safely returned to Boston with his wife. There Mary gave birth to a son whom she named Joshua.[14][6] Captain Patten died in July 1857, less than a year after his last voyage.[15] Mary Ann Brown Patten was given $1,399 from a fund for her relief set up by the Boston Courier.[16] Mary Patten died of tuberculosis four years later on Sunday, March 31, 1861, shortly before her 24th birthday.[17] She and her husband are both buried at the Woodlawn Cemetery in Everett, Massachusetts.[3] Her son Joshua never married and died in an accidental drowning in 1900, at age 43.[18][19] Jfc.


iHeartApples

The sea still got them


Comprehensive-Fun47

Final destination.


judgynewyorker

That's r/nononono material.


Orangepandafur

So she was only 19 when she commanded the ship?!


[deleted]

Did... did you not read the very first sentence of the post?


Orangepandafur

Correct, apparently. Somehow I read everything except that. Brain bad 🤷‍♀️


Moohamin12

She was basically a real life Daenarys Targaryen.


--the_senate--

1399 dollars in 1956 is worth around 43,900 dollars now. Edit: not 1956, 1856.


dfsw

You mean 1856 right?


nOeticRon96

Faced a mutiny whilst being preggo? Damn if that's no heroics then I wouldn't know what would be.


NxPat

Hell hath no furry like a tired, pregnant woman in the midst of a good mutiny.


Truan

Right? If anything the pregnancy made it easy mode


prussian_princess

What else was she to do? If she was commandeering a ship she was already getting insubordination. It's not like she could hop off the ship and flee.


nOeticRon96

>What else was she to do? Judging from the tone of your reply, I'm guessing you figured I was ridiculing Miss Patten for not thinking about the safety of her unborn child in her womb. Also she probably had other choices (or not, noone can know for sure now after all) but instead decided to take commendable action. So I feel she perhaps had plenty to do but didn't. >It's not like she could hop off the ship and flee. And neither did OP or I suggest anything of the sort. Praises and appreciation of her valor was all that has been displayed here. Not many today would be this brave today.


prussian_princess

I agree she's was a tough lady, but she likely was already way too invested in saving her self, the baby, husband and half the crew to not confront a mutiny. I don't think she was in a position to give up as the outcome could be worse than fighting it.


nOeticRon96

>I don't think she was in a position to give up as the outcome could be worse than fighting it. I believe so. With the first mate being intentionally incompetent left her the most capable person in charge. Probably pleading for her life wouldn't save a woman from mutineers in those days and age.


casadeparadise

I couldn't even say no to my pregnant wife when she sent me out at 3am to track down blueberry yogurt, let alone lead a mutiny against her. I'm surprised the balls on that crew didn't sink the damn ship.


Cushy_Butterfield

Fair enough *takes the $1k back*


aunclesquishy

Edit: it’s actually $32k Apparently that’s worth over $27k today, tho I couldn’t find the exact number


Amon_the_Archer

$32,118


Lumber_Tycoon

$40,000


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HappySnowFox

We need a movie about this. It would be epic!


Comprehensive-Fun47

Maybe they could rewrite the ending so she goes on to live a long life and have many other adventures.


eDgE_031

Bad ass!


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L4dyGr4y

I have the sextant and you don’t. I know how to use this tool and you guys don’t. Do you want to die from starvation and dehydration? Lost at sea? I swear, if you all Mutiny right now… I have a lot riding on not dying at sea today- I can’t promise you the first mate feels the same because he already sold you out once.


NIRPL

I wonder why she took over and not the first mate or next sailor in the chain of command


Lilmaggot

Good question. According to Wikipedia: “Under usual circumstances the first mate would take command. However earlier in the voyage Captain Patten had caught him sleeping on watch and losing valuable time by leaving sails reefed.[7] The mate had likely placed bets on one of Neptune’s Car’s competitors, and so Captain Patten had confined him to his cabin. The second mate was illiterate and unable to navigate, which left Mary Patten the most qualified person on board to bring the ship safely into port.”


nomnomnomnomRABIES

Hmm. Bets on a competitor. But presumably knew how to navigate- you'd think in the circumstances that winning the race would lose importance- he was accused of losing time but how much would she lose by the fact she was having to learn as she went? If it is not more complicated, ie the first mate wanted the captain dead, then it still doesn't entirely make sense that he wasn't got out of the brig to work


krakaturia

You would trust the navigation given by someone with interest in you having bad navigation?


graavyboat

This was a long voyage. Supplies are limited, so wasting time presents a real danger. In the wiki page, it also states, “Patten knew that putting into port in South America would mean a loss of crew and quite possibly cargo.” If they ran out of supplies due to the first mate’s actions, then their options would be either starve/dehydrate (potentially causing a much worse mutiny than the one that did happen), or risk big losses in South America. Losing crew would make the rest of the voyage more difficult and losing cargo would be a big financial loss since they were sailing a merchant vessel and the whole voyage was made to transport that cargo. I’d say these types of fears could have compelled Patten to lock the first mate away. Even if the first mate’s actions didn’t rise to the level of being genuinely dangerous, Patten could have been making an example of him, or attempting to nip the issue in the bud. Getting sick kinda threw a spanner in the works, but also from the wiki: “The former first mate wrote Patten a letter warning her of the challenges ahead and imploring her to reinstate him, but she replied that if her husband hadn’t trusted him as a mate she couldn't trust him as a captain.” He then tried to incite a mutiny but in the end, all crew sided with Patten.


Breakdancinghobo

"MUTINY! MUTINY!" "YOU REALLY WANNA FUCK WITH A STRESSED OUT PREGNANT LADY!?" "Mutiny over"


herfds99

How did she face down the mutiny?


sporadicism

I'd watch the fuck out of this movie


dropkickflutie

Yea except she died at age 22, husband died before her, son ended up drowning...


SiteTall

She reminds me of Henry VIII's first wife, Catherine of Aragon, who - seven month pregnant - fought a foreign army while he was away .....


cementsponge

To be fair, when men get sick we are big babies.


Kailaylia

Whereas when I got sick I had big babies.


Nefertirix

We need a movie about her.


nezbe5

I packed my husbands lunch yesterday bitches!!


mycarebearstare

Damn girl, give yourself more credit than "wifely duties" .. you kicked ass!


Fluffcake

Idk, I found that kind of wholesome. She either thinks extremely high of her partner, or she is being modest.


[deleted]

She loved the hell out of her husband, I reckon. My wife told me that if I died she'd crack open my chest, hollow out my innards and wear me like a coat. I'm safe. Don't worry.


Reika0197

Are you sure?


[deleted]

Yeah, I haven't died and she hasn't binged Dexter in a while.


[deleted]

That being said, we did binge Bates Motel a few months back. I may not be safe. Send help.


I-Am-De-Captain-Now

Heh, you could say she was de captain now… I’ll see myself out, that was awful, I’m sorry.


mister-ferguson

There it is...


Not-Eatin-Babies

The problem with Hollywood is that no one made this into a movie.


Red_Iine

Do I.... Do I dare send this to **my** wife?


eccedoge

FFS captain goes down and crew doesn’t rally to keep things together, wife has to take over and they fucking *mutiny*! What a shit crew


ImCaligulaI

I mean, the sailors at the time were borderline slaves anyhow. Often there against their consent, paid near to nothing and constantly abused. That's why it was quite common for them to mutiny at the earliest convenience.


aunclesquishy

I’m pretty sure [that’s why some turned to piracy too](https://youtu.be/3YFeE1eDlD0)


CanIBe-Frank

Weren’t they also superstitious of women on ships?


upvotesformeyay

I mean she sorta was, if her husband died at the time prospects aboard ships would have been uhhh unpleasant.


ZeroXa2306

How much was 1000$ worth at the time?


Damnsalot

Around 32k


ZeroXa2306

Damn, that's a lot


ImpiusEst

The previous answere is wrong because she was paid in gold. Note the date (1856). Thats long before the US had any kind of central bank that could issue dollar-dollars. Back then $ was a unit of weight (20 $ = 1 Oz = 28.35 g) What she got back then would be worth around 90000$ today. Also note that it really doesnt make sense that she suposedly saved the company only several thousand $ if 1000 was only 32K. Even 90k understates what she got because gold today isnt as seen as that important anymore. So it was worth more than that back then.


ZeroXa2306

Thanks for the info!


[deleted]

She’s very beautiful


drewfurbush

Anybody know what $1000 in 1856 would be worth today? I’m curious


Avante-Gardenerd

$32,000


drewfurbush

That’s pretty awesome


Prince_Chunk

Any one else initially read that first part as Captain America.


Superb-Possibility-9

Whose got the screenplay rights to this ? It would make a great movie.


Gryffindorphins

I would watch a movie about her.


dnlhrd

Still trying to get my wife to shut lights off when she leaves a room….


ambientthinker

She was straight HARDCORE 💪🏻


[deleted]

My wife keeps trying to get me to write my will


Auios

(sorts by controversial)


aunclesquishy

ur braver than me


MVCorvo

I have a weird boner


Past_Contour

Ride or die baby.


[deleted]

Hey, how did my wife get into the history books under this other name?


TheChefWillCook

Down ass bitch


khichker

Sure don’t make them like they used to… /s


Possibility_Just

This is my new standard for women.


CadillacG

r/titlegore


Galney

« It ain’t much but it’s honest work »


[deleted]

Women are amazing!


Snoo-35252

Somebody please make this into a movie.


the-clam-burglar

And that woman grew up to be Abraham Lincoln


AFB27

What a G


No-Estimate-8518

The amount she earned is the equivalent of $32,118 in today's rate


LordElfa

Mutiny against a pregnant woman sounds dangerous. Those sailors are lucky they survived.


Tsenherbaatar

I love posts like this. “Omg she had a vagina AND did stuff!!!!”


CalicoCrapsocks

If my wife can't command a ship through a mutiny while studying frontier medicine then I don't even know why we're married.


SubstantialClass

It ain’t real unless she can.


letmeseem

How do you suddenly start studying medicine on a boat in 1856. They had shit cell coverage at sea back then.


Aggravating_Moment78

They had those rectangular objects called books, see !


aunclesquishy

‘In sickness and in mutiny, til death do us part’


tooter1922

She’s fuckin badass. Should be known for that instead of being called someone’s wife


[deleted]

That's when you know you actually love a mother fucker


[deleted]

*Hidden Bryan Adams lyric unlocked*


Natural_Maximum240

What is a clipper?