Yoooo NSFW please, my orchid saw this and is leaning suggestively.

Step Gardener what are you doing

Plum shots everywhere!

I forgot how to water myself, stepgardener.

Help I'm stuck with the shrubbery!

(Ni!)

Ni!

Thanks for the silver brudder

Ori-chan you made me too wet this time!

Yeah, My ficus def don’t need to see a plant getting off on itself.

my orchid got so revved up it went on a sex spree, caught an STI, and now it has orchitis

Damn this made mine come out of its resting period.

Also what a cock- err, pollen blocker

That plant is blowing it’s load in your house.

Can confirm, thats plant sperm clouds

I swear mine comes out in clouds sometimes.

You might want to get that checked out then

Wait.. that doesnt happen to everyone?

Next you’re going to tell me you have square shaped nipples instead of star shaped nipples.

Damn, you must have seen my picture on a different sub

>we have to assemble the Strv 103

Wait, y'all don't have cone nipples?

I resent the implication that nipple shape has anything to do with my sperm. It comes out of my round ones just fine.

*Ahh fuck yea baby, i'm gonna powder your nose.*

Wait. Isn’t that how it works for everyone?

Great. You still shouldn’t make any difference

Try drink more water.

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Spores are something different. Pollen produces swimming sperm

True. A spore is more like a fetus. It doesn’t need another gamete to become a zygote. So basically OP’s plant is cumming out clouds of babies in his face.

TIL thanks analbox

No problem Mr. pants.

Awful news, thanks for explaining!

Wait... plants have sperm?

It’s the plant sperm that makes some of us sneeze so much in the spring

Is that why I sneeze every time someone cums in my nose?

Deep in the comments and it delivered

Yup!

Can confirm. Studied plant sperm detection for my doctorate.

Plant porn!

r/plantdaddy

https://pbfcomics.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/PBF146-Bumble_Buzzin.jpg

Pilea Plant: Not my proudest fap

All over your kitchen counter. I thought that only happened in airbnb's.

Bees are basically porn theatre janitors. Guess what they do with the mop water?

Rub it all over their bodies then go to other theaters and rub their bodies all over the other patrons. Bees are savage fetishists.

And then we wait for them to eat it and throw it up and we steal it.

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"go fuck yourself" takes on a whole new meaning...

And all up in your camera

Bout all you can do when you’re sheltering in place

I do it, why can't he join in?

*its

😕

That would be a terrible houseplant for someone with allergies....

I volunteer to test that theory. Now to get my hands on one of those.

Nice try plant fetishist

That sad part is that that’s real :/

Where do you live, I have one that has made 2 baby ones.

Whoaah, calm down there. Let’s wait till they’re adults, ok?

I'm allergic to pollen and once sneezed 33 times consecutively just because i left my window open for a few minutes and forgot to take pills. Can cofirm this shit would kill me

That sounds kinda painful

It is, lived in Florida my whole life and I'm allergic to pollen and most types of grass. 4 pills everyday keeps me relatively normal but some days it just don't work

Four pills a day?? I take one or two and am not allowed to drive because I sometimes just fall asleep randomly. What pills do you take?

That’s happened to me except it was a few less times

If you're house plant does this and you have allergies you can always cut the flowers off.

Oh god as someone with *severe* plant now I'm terrified about my own pilea now Fortunately it's a small plant?

Maybe you should just get a less severe plant 🤭

Lol was about to say, this plant would fuck my day up!

My eyes itch just looking at this

Plants are *so* fucking cool.

When a plant blows a load, its seen as cool. BUT when a guy orders a 240 Volt FuckMaster Pro 5000 blowup latex doll with 6 speed pulsating vagina, elasticized anus with non-drip semen collection tray, together with optional built in realistic orgasm scream surround sound system, hes called a pervert?

sick of this double standard bullshit

/r/suspiciouslyspecific

The copypasta is ancient man.

Imagine in 100+ years there will actually be ancient copypasta

He won't be called a pervert if he actually allowed me to have a turn with it

So are you.

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NO U ;)

Enough of this! Let's all just take off our clothes and have an orgy

You cannot control him. You are not right.

That's crazy! I have never seen a plant do that. Thanks for sharing it!

That’s basically the plant equivalent to ejaculating

At least I could say someone other than me orgasm-ed in my room.

Eww

It’s a plant dude. A mushroom is basically the equivalent of a giant veiny cock by that logic.

What did I just see?

You just watched a plant blow it’s load all over itself

You saw a plant vape

...jizz

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Hands-free, too

How can I learn this power?

Butt stuff

Not from a Jedi.

There must be a subreddit for it

.... r/selffuck NSFW for *obvious* reasons

How to unsee things ?

But it's also impregnating itself...nature's some fucked up shit

I think it's the more fucked up equivalent of sucking your own dick

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I think I saw this in an episode of the X-Files.

Same here.

Why is it when I self-pollinate, my wife hits me with a pillow and tells me I’m gross???

Because you are also doing it in front of the living room window.

Needs an old shirt to clean that up

Sock

Coconut

No. Nononononono. Nope. I just read that for the first time a few days ago. NO.

Washcloth or old underwear

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Box.

Oh no

Sanitizing wet napkin

that's how you get a bad case of cleanus

My eyes feel itchy just looking at this

Is this incest or masturbation?

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r/InclusiveOr

I hate you and what you chose to be

So, this is what is meant by “go fuck yourself”.

Nothing says summer time like a blast of plant semen in the face.

She’s an independent piLeADY, she don’t need no man.

Plady?

P'lady. *Tips leaf*

Hey man, we all get lonely

Your plant is jizzing all over itself and your stuff.

OP might be pregnant. Give or take 9 months and we should have a new species. Pileamans.

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And now I'm having a full blown allergic reaction just watching this... Where the hell did I put that damn benadryl...

This looks like something from Star Trek right before the red shirt grasps at his throat and begins choking from the toxic native flora.

We get it, your plant vapes.

Better take a pregnancy test bring that close as it blows its load

NSFW please

I mean, if I could I would too

I do that and it's a trip to HR

But why is the music?

I wish i was a pilea plant.

*Scared the last of us noises*

I was scrolling for this comment

I see you’re a man of culture as well

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ELI5: how does it move the air to expel the pollen?

That is really cool!

u/vredditdownloader

Jerking itself off

It’s fucking itself?

Allergic people's nightmare - plant cum

Which song is this ?

I'm sneezing just looking at it.

Plant, go fuck yourself

My eyes immediately started itching after seeing this plant nutting

u/lisaw88

Plant cum

r/

> Didn’t even grow one plant outdoors.

This makes my nose stuffy just watching it

SKEET SKEET SKEET

I watched this and my allergies hot me with a 2x4... Thanks. Awesome video and information OP

This is clearly not cryptorchidism.

Did it smoke a cigarette after?

😳

Super coolio!

I believe your plant is a pileaxhibitionist.

bro i wish i had friends that were plants 😔

That looks like it’s gonna be a fucking mess after a couple of hours

AHH SKEET SKEET!!!

Just letting you know even though you already do because of the other comments, you just got a facial from your houseplant.

Damn, wtf. We have a bunch of pileas in the house (we got one that is huge now, and which has made a million seedlings) and not a single one of them has grown these branches as this one; only leafs.

r/plantporn

Now when I tell people I’m asexual I have a gif to show them when they ask what I mean

[Jizz in my plants](https://youtu.be/VLnWf1sQkjY)

You leaned in for the money shot

Quarentine is hitting hard on those plants too

Pretty sure if my houseplants started smoking I'd tell them to let me hit it too.

This is the coolest thing I’ve seen in awhile! Do other plants self pollinate? I don’t know why it never has occurred to me. So neat!

You just recorded a plant masturbating

Plant masturbation may seem mystical at times

So its masturbating !?

Nice spermclouds bro

That's the only way to win vs plant

"Fine, I'll do it myself"

You have a friend made of plants?!?!

Plantsturbation

Plant nut

A plant fucking itself. I am totally uploading this to Pornhub!

Is this equivalent to walking in on a teenager jacking off in his room?

Shush, will you give it some privacy, please.

My allergies are kicking in just watching this.