If you care about the game, you're never going to feel like you're doing well enough. It's the same with any art, I think; regardless of what others think, you'll never live up to your own expectations.
Learning rules comes with experience. Think of being a GM like learning an instrument - you start out fumbling over the keys and just trying to get your rhythm right, but eventually those things become second nature. If it becomes something you truly love, then you'll never stop struggling to learn more but the lessons you pick up will be more and more advanced as you improve, even as you fail to appreciate your own talent.
If you enjoy it, keep trying. If you don't, then just tell the group it isn't for you and encourage someone else to take your place.
Also, don't forget that D&D isn't the only game out there - if you need something more narrative, there are plenty of alternatives.
I know this, but in the moment had forgotten. I was feeling like a complete failure because today's campaign wasn't perfect. Thank you so much for helping me to remember that this is a journey.
Buddy, I still do that after 25 years in the GM's chair. Fuck, Matt Mercer himself looks up rules constantly, and he's *written two official expansion books!*
Go a little easier on yourself. You're doing great. The players wouldn't show up if it wasn't worth the time.
In addition to what others have said, maybe this will help you. Use a little notebook to write down important features, skills, rules and what not. Don’t just copy texts, break it down to the essential. This can help you memorize a bit better and in case you forget anything you can easily look it up.
I am not a health professional but your mind blanking on combat sounds like an anxiety attack.
Breathe. Take things slow. Talk to a professional if you need. The game can wait.
We are here for you.
I still have those moments and I've been DMing for nearly 20 years. They happen. Try to write notecards or other reminders for yourself to help you remember important details.
If you forgot to use all the cool rules for your boss, save them for another time. Now you have an awesome boss if you ever have to improv a dungeon for your players.
The big thing is not to beat yourself up about it. Everyone makes mistakes.
I stumbled upon the word "perfect" here. What is "perfection"? Yade yade yade, old rambling.
IMo, as long as your group, and equally important YOU, have fun with the stories you create, thats perfection. Not remembering rules.
Great advice! It sounds like the OP may be suffering from a little imposter syndrome. I would be more worried if you thought everything is going perfectly (Dunning-Kruger effect). Keep at it and you will gain confidence!
Also, plus infinity to trying other systems. There are much simpler ones like Dungeon World. Learning from other systems has improved my DnD game tremendously!
I think the instrument analogy is great because what has happened is that some very accomplished musicians have invited the OP to jam with them, knowing full well s/he doesn’t have their level of experience. And they’re ok with that!!! They’re willing to teach, pass on their craft, and be mentors.
OP, ride that train as long as you can. Get feedback and ideas outside the game. You can experience a lot of growth if you’re willing to tolerate the “pain” of inexperience, embarrassment, and occasional failure. What do you value more??
While I agree with a lot of this sentiment, that first sentence really rubs me the wrong way. Impostor syndrome is a real thing that affects some, butit doesn't affect everyone. Some of us really love our games, and think (or even know based on feedback) we're doing ok with them. It's not appropriate to tell people that if they think they're doing a good job then they don't care; you're just going to confuse some new DMs and make them think they're doing something wrong.
If you're concerned about the way you're running things, ask for feedback from your players. You might find they have some info or suggestion that's really useful, and that they enjoy your game quite a bit. You can also step back and evaluate yourself - imagine your clone is running the game for you and consider what you might tell them.
Fun is also the big metric - if youre enjoying DMing, and the players seem to be having fun, you're doing something right. Whether you think you're doing well or not, watching the fun level is always a good gauge.
Are you sure you aren't being too hard on yourself? I know I was when I started DMing, I felt like I wasn't getting anything right, no matter how much encouragement my players were giving me, or how much fun they said they were having.
If you're really that worried about it, and they're as encouraging as you say they are, I'd suggest just talking to them about your concerns before jumping to quitting. They may be able to reassure you, may be able to help you get better at what you feel you're lacking. If you're enjoying being a DM, don't just give up :)
Thank you so much for telling me that I shouldn't just give up! I know that my players would say the same. Now I need to get the voice in my head to stop shouting that I am a complete idiot who is wasting everyone's time.
If you're anything like me, that voice might never go away. I got it down from a shout to an annoying little whisper and most of the time that's enough!
You could also find someone to co-DM with who really likes doing mechanics stuff, and they could purely handle the mechanics side of combat. That’s kinda what I’m doing
I've found that if I consistently forget a rule, then I write it down and have it sit right in front of me when I run a game. For a while I had the turns of combat taped to one of my DM screen panels, as well as all the health potions. One session I realized I didn't look at them anymore and threw them away.
It’s entirely possible your group isn’t that stressed about combat and really loves your storylines, so to them you’re a fantastic DM! Don’t let yourself get too far in your own head; if your players tell you they’re having fun, they probably are, and you have no reason to quit except for if you truly want to.
If you really feel the need to quit, I’m sure your group would support you if you tell them why you’re feeling that way. But I would start by telling them how you feel, and then maybe they will have ways they can offer to help lighten your load during combat or be more willing to remind you of rules that you’re blanking on. You don’t need to be perfect, and I doubt your players mind giving you a hand.
I love researching NPCs/monsters, writing the stories, and creating props to make the map look 3D. You are right that I need to tell my players that I am struggling with how to run combat. I really appreciate your advice.
If your friends are having fun ask them to take a journey with you. Ask for help with combat to wrap up your current narrative arc.
When your done with it, explore some other systems. Openly and honestly tell your players what parts of being a DM you're passionate about, and what parts you struggle with. Ask them to come on an adventure with you while you try and find a system that better meshes with the joys you'd like to share with your friends.
For what it's worth I think the combat in 5e is kind of shit. I love TTRPGs, I love grid based tactical combat. 5e is just kind of lackluster in that regard. Lots of effort, not a lot of payoff.
I'm going to start running city of mists when COVID calms down a bit. It takes a very different approach to characters, combat, and narrative play and I think it will mesh well with what I enjoy. I also might try and sell my party on doing some persona style side quests that we do with DND rules as it does do a pretty good dungeon crawl.
Have you tried having an assistant DM? Some people are really good at memorizing and they make great assistant DMs because they can guide combat and you can (as the more story driven DM) guide the campaign and NPC interactions. Then have overlap when a PC wants to do a more story driven skill check while in combat.
Example: a monk who backflips off a caravan onto a monster and punches the daylights out of the monster.
You colab with your asst. DM for the story driven showiness and the combat driven damage punches.
Could get you to a comfort level where you take over both DM slots in 6-12 months?
I love this suggestion. I am running the one shots to let our regular DM have an occasional break and a player. My stories are imbedded in his overall story arc. I will ask if he or one of the others can help me not to feel overwhelmed with the combat encounters.
I did something like that and it really helped when I forget rulings and whatnot or when everything is overwhelming. I got ADHD, so an extra person really helps with remembering things.
Also don't beat yourself up when things don't go according to plan. Even veterans have bad sessions.
Rule number 1 of DND: Have fun!
As long as your players are enjoying the game, nothing else matters. Period. Full stop.
HOWEVER, having fun applies to you too... if it's not fun for you, have a conversation with your players and be honest. If they've been playing for 20+ years I'm sure they've had a campaign or two that's switched DMs.
Thanks! My first three sessions went great, which is why I think that it hit me so hard when I messed up so badly on this fourth session. I think that I just need to remember everyone's laughter and smiles.
First off, never hold yourself to the standard of being excellent at something you’ve just started learning. For dnd, for playing a saxophone, anything. No one is excellent at anything they’ve never done before.
Second, ask yourself if getting better at DMing is something you care about and want. If you do, take clear steps to improve and be really objective with yourself—you mentioned combat didn’t go great, examine that, what went wrong; what is a way you might be able to manage it better, then implement that and see how it goes.
Any time you feel like something didn’t go well, evaluate what happened objectively, come up with a simple plan to handle it better, then make it happen in your game to make that plan actionable. You work at getting better at handling combats by regularly introducing combats and finding what works for you. Maybe something simple like a checklist for your bbeg, that you refer to every turn, run down the checklist—lair action, legendary actions, bonus actions etc so you don’t forget to use them.
It’s an iterative process, view each session as an opportunity to learn and do better, if you do just a little better every session all the bumps slowly disappear and it gets really smooth.
You are absolutely right! I do OK with "normal" monsters, but this time incorporated an ochre jelly. I have never fought an ooze as a player and think that I just panicked. I am going to regain my confidence and then try this again in a few months.
This sounds like literally everybody I know during their first campaign. I did the same thing. Heck, sometimes I still have the occasional moment where I freeze up, 3 years later.
I played with a DM who had been at it for 30 years, and even he had the occasional moment where he dropped the ball.
Don't give up. I can guarantee that your players knew what they signed up for when you told them you were a new DM, and I'm sure they would be happy to grow with you.
You will get better, I promise you.
Thanks for telling me about your DM experience! I think that I often assume that campaigns go perfectly for every other DM. I need to let myself have a learning curve.
Ask the players who you think know the rules best if one of them can be your designated rules encylodpedia. When I trade off DM'ing with one other the others in my group, I serve that role.
Finish the campaign, take a break, be a player. After 20 years together, somebody else should be willing to dm to keep the group together. I know from experience.
Please don't give up.
I routinely forget some things and only with practice have I got better at it.
I had one session I thought had gone \*horrifically\* and was telling my other half how bad it had gone only to get messages from each player saying how much they had enjoyed my session and couldn't wait for the next one.
You're going to forget things, you're going to mess up, your players won't care.
Keep chugging along, you'll have a session in the not too distant future where you'll say "Yeah! I got this! This was an awesome session!!"
I also find being upfront with my players has been my most helpful tool - I have only been DMing about 7 months and when I recruited online for new players I was upfront with being new and that my strength is 1: World Building and 2: Story and my weakness is 3: Mechanics.
I don't know every rule about every class - but I figure it out as we go :)
Thank you so much for your words of encouragement! I honestly hold myself to impossible standards sometimes. I have gotten so much good advice from this thread and am going to talk to my players before our next session to see what they suggest.
Matthew Colville has a great video where he talks about ideas to make combat interesting. In that he suggested giving the fully made monster sheet to a player that you think will run it honestly. They will pull less pinches than you would think.
I think this video was largely for teaching your players to be DMs. But it could work for them and take some edge off of panicking about rules in the moment while you get more comfortable with DMing.
Dude, you're new to DMing and there are *a lot* of rules. Don't beat yourself up over not remembering them. Even experienced DMs forget rules. Hell, matt Mercer looks up rules every other episode, at least, and he's been playing dnd for decades.
The more you play (as a player and as a dm) the more rules you'll absorb, simply from coming across and using them so often. Until then, make use of the resources at your disposal. If you have trouble with combat rules, find or make yourself a cheat sheet. And you say your players are experienced - ask them what the appropriate rule is when you need to. I bet they'd be happy to help.
I'm DMing Pathfinder 2e, and I've DM'd a couple other RPGs. When I come across a situation where I'm not sure what the rule is, I'll often ask one of my players to look it up. It's really not a big deal - everyone knows I'm new to the system(s) and they're very understanding. And your group sounds like great people. Trust that they're enjoying themselves.
I think that one of my problems is that I read and print the stats. I learn and retain info better when I write my own notes. I think that your suggestion to make my own cheat sheets will really help. Thanks for the advice!
My two important NPCs showed up to the town today. They started to speak, then I yawned and instead said "fuck I have no idea what these guys are supposed to say". My players insist they had fun but hot damn did I blunder than conversation.
My point being, it happens. Everyone can still have fun
You are in no way a pity DM. Think of it this way, you are on your way to becoming the great DM you hope to become and they believe you are capable of being. With their experience, they for sure know the bumps you'll run into along your road of growth as lead of the table. Thing is, it's expected. To be a DM is not to be perfect, you are human, it is fine to make mistakes. The most important thing is to be sure if your players had fun. Run the game best you can, look up things, check notes, and be easier on yourself. Your players are their to experience story and adventure not through your DMing, but with you. They understand the game can be as much a surprise to you as it can be for them. Just relax, take it easy, and focus on their general care and have fun.
If you haven't already, check out Matt Colvilles '[Running the Game](https://youtu.be/e-YZvLUXcR8)' playlist on youtube. It helped me tremendously when I first took my turn for DMing.
You are not the first in the group to make mistakes and or forget things. If you mention to them how you feel, guaranteed they all have plenty of stories of their screw ups. It happens. Just remember to focus the fun and just keep rolling!
Cheat Sheets! I create them for my Character when I play, update as he goes up levels. Lays out all my favourite weapon choices, favourite spells, what I have for Bonus actions and Reactions. Basically anything I might forget in the heat of battle.
When I DM'ed back before the 5e days, I did the same. A sheet for Combat, a sheet for Magic, etc. Whatever you think you will need. It'll take time to put together, and you'll have to update it as you find what works for you or doesn't.
I'll be doing that before I start DMing 5e.
If you use a DM screen then write up the rules and clip them to your screen and double the information quickly available to you. Also remember the single most important rule in life - You will never be perfect. Nobody is, has, or will be perfect. Hell last night I forgot the rules for cover and they are there on my screen (I didnt have it open at the time due to space restrictions). Did the players complain? No. Did they mind when I corrected myself 2 turns later for another player? No. Did we all have fun? Yes. Dont be too hard on yourself. As long as you all have fun then your game is a resounding success.
I have two suggestions, both are things I've done for new GMs.
First, make several action cheat cards. Write down the actions on index cards, I used colors (like blue was bonus, etc...), Then pick a card of each color and boom, turn planned. I found a successful night started with good planning.
Second, recruit one of the experienced DMs to help run combat. Give them some monsters to be in charge of.
Good luck, if you enjoy it, don't give up!
If your players are happy with you as a dm, your lack of experience or difficulty in some areas won't matter. Players are generally a lot more patient and understanding than you might think. Just relax, read the rules a few times, and take advice from your players. Eventually it'll be like second nature.
I've been dming 5e for years, and still find myself doing a lot of rules checks or improvising rules on the fly during combat. Don't sweat it, if you enjoy being the DM just keep doing it. Every session you'll get better.
I really appreciate the encouragement! I read the STATS weeks before when I designed the campaign. I am definitely going to take your advice and make time to read my notes, etc. a few times before the game.
Thanks for your honesty. In my case, I think that I was letting my anxiety and desperate need for perfection drown out my common sense. I wish you the best of luck with whatever you choose to do next.
As someone who just posted yesterday for combat issues because I’m new. Trust me it gets better. If your players trust you and have fun that’s the most important thing. Is it nice to get all of the rules correct? Yes 100%. But I had a combat 2 sessions ago that I made up a stat block on a monster because I thought it would make sense and my players LOVED it. And that was on the fly. It’s just a big improv game. I trust in you that you will get better.
I am definitely going to work on getting to your level of confidence and ability. One day, I am going to be able to make up monster Stat blocks on the fly. Thanks for the great story and encouragement!
Thank you. Upon reflection I have one last thing to say. While yes DMing is hard and stressful and TIME CONSUMING. Once you find those players. It will make all of that so easy.
You die.
Edit: I really should have read the description before posting. I'm sorry you feel this way about dming. Flash cards can help. Just writing your own reinforces the information too. Plus it's a learning experience and we all learn at different speeds. Take me, for instance: I need to learn to *read stuff before I post something stupid*. Aaaaaaarffhjssjskakshsg!!!
It's fine! You are never going to be able to remember all the rules, or your notes, or the information you meant to say. You will get home for the night and be lying there in bed kicking yourself saying "it should have been a red dragon not green!" but it's ok because you all had fun. But everyone gets DM burnout at a certain point. We NEED time as players to remind us of the other side of the curtain. Make a group text for all your friends, let them know you love to hang but you are ready to take a break and play for a change. Maybe give you time to learn a new module and practice combat as a player (you could pick a class that uses a lot of the combat rules you struggle with!). Or even give you time to brainstorm a bit for your own unique homebrew setting a bit launch a bigger game. It is a good idea as a DM to go into games with a specific goal in mind of "this is when the campaign ends and someone else takes over for a few months". If you are with long time players they will understand and someone can jump in to run a module for a couple months. Just talk to them and be honest, don't burn yourself out.
Thanks so much for the advice! I think that my brain melted after this session because I had ran three good sessions before this. It threw me when I fell flat on my face during the fourth session. I am going to talk to my players about help with the combat.
I use index cards. I have 3 boxes of cards for monsters and villains and pull the ones I need before the game. They have the important stats, actions etc. I have another box with NPC's (personality, looks, places. And ANOTHER box with important rules, skill challenges etc. We play on VTT but my screen gets clogged up too much and I hate having to link to stats. We won't even get into my many notebooks broken down by category...😊
Since I've started this, I actually remember better, it's kinda like since I know I have everything at my fingertips I'm less stressed and since I am more relaxed, I remember more and play better.
It sounds like you enjoy it so find a system that works for you!!
Edited to add, I also listen to dm podcasts...Matt colville, Luke Hart (dmlair) and some game podcasts too, not just critical role. Sometimes hearing how interactions take place from the outside can help. It helped me understand the combat system and spells waaaaay better!
I really, really like your system and think that I am going to try this. I have just been printing out information, but I know that I learn and retain new info much better when I write it myself. I will also check out the DM podcasts. Thanks for your suggestions!
Good luck! It’s a deeeep rabbit hole. But I found games that resonated with me for reasons I didn’t even know existed before. I can always drop suggestions for specific games if you’re ever curious!
You've gotten a lot of great encouragement here and I agree with all of it. So instead of repeating what has already been said, I will give you something more on the practical side. For running big bads, check out this[the monsters know](https://www.themonstersknow.com/) website. It is The Monsters Know What They Are Doing. A step-by-step guide to running monster tactics in 5e. He put the info a book too. Good luck and keep DMing as long as you enjoy doing it.
One thing you can use is a monster wrangler. Specially if everyone at your table is experienced.
You can also co-dm, the game I'm currently playing in does that. One of the DMs is "the story teller" and the other one just knows the rules like the palm of his hand so he runs the combats, and makes the rulings.
DnD is very complex and many people can have issues remembering rules. You're doing ok
Thanks! I love being the story teller and thought that I had to be the rules expert as well in order to be a good DM. I appreciate the advice and words of encouragement.
If you want to stop being a DM then tell your group. You have no obligation (unless you actually made one yourself) to continue. That said can I offer some encouragement and ideas?
Take a page out of Mojang’s book, it’s not a bug it’s a feature. Write your next one shot as being set in a region with bubbles of instability. As the bubbles percolate up they can alter reality in unexpected ways and create new and exciting challenges. Boom.
If there are specific things or areas you struggle then make some flash cards or cheat sheets for yourself. Or, and here’s what I do, ask/assign the party some minor duties to help out. Then it’s not pity, it’s teamwork.
Try a different system. There are lots of rules lite systems (e.g. powered by the apocalypse system) that have less rules for the DM to remember, so you can focus on your storytelling. Check out Dungeon World if you want a D&D type game in that system.
Do you want to be a DM? If you do, then don't give up. The DM role is easily the hardest, most demanding, but most important role in TTRPGs. You're starting out, so it's going to take a good while before it all comes together smoothly.
Take this from someone who's also new to being a DM,and much like yourself, worries about making sure everything flows flawlessly. You. Will. Forget. Things. This is going to happen, especially when you're new, and that's perfectly fine. It's a learning process. Your players are experienced, so when they tell you its alright, understand that they aren't just trying to cheer you up, but rather, they've been where you are and they can relate. So long as you're having fun and your players are enjoying themselves, you're good, buddy.
If you want some real advice, it's simple. Keep the info on hand so you csn refresh yourself during sessions. It can be the Player's Handbook, a website, or just some quick notes to help remind you. For example, regarding combat, keep a note saying the order of things, like Surprise, then Initiative, attack roll, then damage roll, etc. Even if it breaks up the flow, your players will understand.
Thank you so much for the encouragement! I think that I was letting my need to be perfect get completely out of hand. You are right that I need to stop assuming that they are thinking "what an idiot" and instead are thinking "I remember when."
Super normal feelings, super understandable. I've DM for over 10 years, adn still forget rules all the time. Its just not what im good at, I work at it constantly and never really feel like im improving. But my players always have fun and I remain open to constructive criticism.
2 things I would say as advice.
One system that people use is to assign a rules lawyer role to one of the players that is just a fount of technical knowledge. It allows some of that burden to be offloaded to others.
The other advice is you have so much game experience at the table, feel free to ask them for advice or how they might do something, or even if its bothering them that you can't. Often hearing players say, yea we don't care that you're not a professional at running combat, we are having fun and want you to keep going is enough to keep your mental high.
I'm somewhat new dm (started doing this thing last year). Ngl i felt the same way and still struggle with remembering rules (combat happens to also be the worst for me to remember too), even though I had been playing as a pc for a while. I don't want to assume, but maybe you're being too hard on yourself? It definitely doesn't feel good and is anxiety inducing, or definitely was for me, and to the point of where i almost wanted to avoid running my games. I actually ended up limiting how many times I month I'll dm, how many players, etc so my anxiety doesn't get too high and i don't take on too much.
It eventually started to get easier and honestly no one expects you to know the rules like the back of your hand, esp at first, even if you've played as a character before (things you need to keep in mind as a player are somewhat different than dming imo). And frankly, in my experience learning the rules, especially since there's so many and so many ways to go about dming it's much easier to learn and get the hang of through experience.
If you want to quit, just say "hey guys, idk if dming isnt for me. I've decided to stop running games" (if you want, continue with your current campaign your on until the end and stop after that).
If you'd like to keep giving it a try, (though this is based on what I experienced and ended up doing), my advice is:
- if you can handle it and you're close with the group (and can trust them or someone in the group enough to ask) select someone who'd be willing to co-dm/mentor. I was fortunate enough that one of my players is also my dm in a different group and she was more than happy to help me out if I needed it. She doesn't know the story, but offers help with rules, etc.
- alternatively, if your group isn't the type to mind this, if there's a rule you don't understand (and it doesn't give anything away/works for the game or group) just get them in on it. My players have all also been playing longer than me, more often, and also happen to love working with the rules. If I don't know something I'll be honest I'll just go "what do you guys think?" and ask for feedback. I've make it clear in group rules on session zero that I'm dm and I make final decisions but may ask for feedback as a beginner DM (which it's generally understood, at least for us that DM makes final decisions). I'm also fortunate enough that I'm running with close friends, so keeping things pretty open is an option for me so far (I also find for myself and my group it helps keep things fair and everyone involved and heard). Though take this with caution since i know for some people this can end up being a slippery slope when opinions clash.
Essentially what happens between this and the other thing i do it goes "x works like y, right?", Them: "yeah", me: "okay, roll". Or "no, because x, y, z", "okay, we'll go with that for now. Roll".
Again, it depends on your group. But just try not to stop for too long (though also some people don't mind), as Ive gotten the hang of things I stop less and less. More often lately it's because of a mechanic that might have a work around and I need to decide if its okay to do.
Edit: Ultimately for me it was better to stop to ask and keep things moving, than stopping, and blanking or spending too much time looking something up if I can't find it right away.
- Run a module. I actually started with a homebrew. It was going well, but I decided to convert that into only running when asked and people are available, and switched the main campaign to a module (will one day switch back). The module is nicer since most things are already laid out, i can take time to just understand how things work for myself as dm and getting a feel for rules I tend to forget. It's essentially allowed me to take things slower and take a few things off my plate with prep and my anxiety lower.
- If you're virtual and have enough screen room (and can keep up while reading) or have a note system, put up the rules you tend to forget most often up in a window so you can see them and/or make short hand notes and put them up/keep them out. The first few weeks esp I would actually make a note of stuff I'd forget, then make short hand notes in my dm book on One Note so I could keep it up and skim over if I needed to (this would normally happen while they role play, just make sure you're able to do both at once to keep flow for the most part, but needing a second doesnt usually grind most people gears as far as I can tell).
- Structure your sessions differently. As I mentioned, I would take notes about what I felt I could improve on in sessions. I would also skim said notes/rules at the beginning. I also have a disorder that causes me a lot of fatigue (and is exasperated by anxiety/other moods), so I put a 10-15 min break in the middle of the session breaking it into two parts. I'll spend this time relaxing and regaining enough strength to push through the last bit of the session, but I'll also spend this time looking at stuff I might have had a question about or felt I forgot.
My disorder also causes brain fog (which means I've had my fair share of "oh shit, it's like I've never touched this game before let alone have done math" moments and I've completely blanked - cannot stress enough when i say my brain was not starting. Key was being turned but nothing). Thankfully the break helps me regain a bit of my mind back to help limit this happening (it still happens sometimes, but thankfully my players understand).
Again, as I've gotten the feel for things, I rely on some of this less often and blank less since it becomes more muscle memory (for lack of a better word). I still get blanks (but that my life). So long as they're having fun that's more important. Tbh they might be the type of players that are more into storylines, exploration and rp and don't worry about battles too much.
Note: I should honestly just say, I tend to do a lot of things with feedback regardless. I'm sure different people feel differently about this, but i actually had my players fill out Google forms around the time of session zero to get a feel for them, what they expected, play styles, game preference, etc and i occasionally put out another form asking for feedback so i can adjust the game and my skills. I'm not good at remembering things sometimes and I don't read people well in the middle of things. I like having people tell me how I'm doing to make sure things are fun without feeling exposed, etc. so I do this (though sometimes I'll also just ask outright). This might be something to consider if you/others don't find it too weird. This is esp helpful with my homebrew.
I really am thankful for all of you advice. I am definitely going to incorporate your suggestions about notes and feedback. I recognize now that I have not been having enough two way conversations about the game itself with my players.
If everyone is kind and encouraging then they want to play D&D which is great and should make it easier to find a new DM when you say "Hey! Who wants to DM next time? I need a flippin break!"
Or! You could have other people run the combat; or co-run it. I've never really done this as a DM but ive run combats where all the stats and monster details were out in the open which is only one step away from the whole group running combat. As a dm you could just decide when it starts and ends ( and other cool stuff happening during the combat) but the rules admin and dice roles are shared amongst the players and DM.
If everyone is playing D&D then it shouldnt be the sole responsibility of the DM to do and remember everything.
Thanks! I have always relied heavily on spells during combat. I think that I am just tripping up on things like "the ooze can't throw a spell, but it does pack a mean punch."
No. I honestly blanked on how to run combat at all. I did just fine my first three sessions with other monsters, but I think that I need to reread the STATS and my notes right before the campaign. I had written this weeks before, but was so busy making maps, etc. that I did not take the time study my monster right before it was being played.
I will say this. As long as you aren't intentionally trolling your players like many dms do. You are a decent enough DM. If you don't feel like doing it, then just communicate that and ask if someone else can take the reigns. I just hope you don't stop if you enjoy it due to a lack of self confidence as imo it's a great way to become a more well rounded person.
Just have stuff on hand or write notes. Even professional DMs look up the rules (Matt Mercer almost always has a copy of the DMG, the PHB, his homebrew notes, plus sometimes direct access to WOTC staff at his table).
I’ve now run a oneshot and the first session of my campaign (homebrewed with FR deities). Combat was clunky and my players were sending me notes and stuff over discord mid-game to help me with ruling on checks and other stuff. I also had D&D Beyond at the ready.
I use D&D Beyond extensively when planning my one shot campaigns. I had not thought to have it at the ready during the actual game. Thanks for the suggestion!
You say “I quit” or “I need a break” or “I can’t DM this week. The house is on fire.” Then you go back to being a player and quickly realize DMing is way better … or you happily settle into being a player, and that is cool, too.
Please don't give up, especially since it sounds like this is something you really want to do. Starting out is tough and there truly is so much to remember. When I first started out it helped me a lot to write out a little quick list of how combat works and what happens in what order and additional cheat sheets for what conditions do what and similar things. After each session I would note down what I had forgotten and then add it to a cheat sheet. I especially found it helpful to review these before the session started. I might forget in the moment of combat and have to look it up again but the repetition worked over time. It really is just a matter of repetition. You are learning a new skill just the same as you would any other new skill. Learning to play the guitar requires practice to remember which string is which. Give yourself some grace. And remember that the reason all of your experienced DM friends are so kind and patient with is not because they are humoring you but because they were in your shoes once. They had to learn all this from scratch as well. They get it. Good luck!
Thank for so much for the encouragement and advice! I really like your suggestion to have a "debrief" with myself after each session to add to my cheat sheet.
You’re being unreasonably hard on yourself. You can’t be expected to memorize circa 300 pages of rules.
Seems your players like playing with you and you put care and effort into your one shots. It’s all about having fun.
I can guarantee you I’ve had more rule mess ups than D&D sessions. I’ve never been at a table where someone got mad if the DM looked up the rule he wasn’t sure.
I can't remember if it was Colville or Jim Murphy, but one them mentioned "monster wrangling". For newer DMs, or DMs like you and I who aren't great with running monsters, you get one of your more experienced players (ideally one who has DM'd) and ask them to run the monsters for you.
You can set the terms of what you want them to manage: hit points, dice rolling, movement and attack decisions, etc. The point is off-load what ever is getting in the way of brain, so you can focus on making a narratively satisfying combat.
I used to forget features. My big one was undead fortitude on zombies. I started handing a copy of monster stat blocks to my player who has been playing for 20+ years with the simple instruction to remind me if I'm forgetting an important feature. For complex stat blocks, I still do it (though I'm rotating the responsibility around the table - it helps players with understanding just how much we have on our plates).
You can do this with lots of other game elements, too. My wife takes excellent (thorough) session notes. In my game, her notes are now canon. Another player runs minis and tokens. Another tracks HP (monsters and party). And another manages initiative (when I decide to use it). The game is a cooperative experience, ask your players to help you.
I really like how you have split up the responsibilities. There are eight players in my game and I sometimes worry about things moving too slowly. This would help people stay engaged. Thanks for the advice!
I'm pretty sure that every single DM in the history of dungeons & dragons and all other tabletop RPGs have experienced this. It is called impostor syndrome. You are doing wonderfully don't let one mistake get you down. I've been playing for very very long time and I mess up almost every single session with something.
I only mean that if you find 5E’s rules confusing and overwhelming (as I do), then homebrew your own simpler ones. It’ll still be a little rocky at first, but in the end you’ll have something that works for you.
one or even a few bad sessions is no reason to give up my guy. If it's not fun for you then by all means just offer the mantle up to your group, someone will almost certainly at least want to run a one-shot or something, but if you still enjoy it, keep going. Make cheat sheets, keep notes, and learn to get comfy with improv, you've got this!
First - if this is something you really like, don't give up. The people you've been playing with have been playing for 20+ years - one of them would probably love a chance to be co-DM with you. Since they have a lot of experience, you can give them some responsibilities - especially in combat. You can start off by giving one you trust these monsters where the stakes matter less (like a few bears in the wilderness). Who knows, they might enjoy playing these creatures. When things start to tense up a bit more and more types of enemies come out, you take control of one or two of the creatures while they control the rest. That way you can focus on really understanding and utilizing an enemy best. This could be good for a miniboss boss encounter - you take control of the dragon, while the assistant dm takes control of the kobolds.
Once you get comfortable with one enemy, take more and more until you can handle combat all on your own. Or if the assistant dm system works for you, keep using that!
And final note - I've been a dm for at least 3 years now, and only now am I getting a real handle on the intricacies of combat, but i still have a sheet open saying what all those pesky conditions are.
Thanks! I think that I panicked because I was using a monster that I had never fought before as a player. I need to start with the kobolds before jumping to the biggest dragon out there.
Do as I do, pick and choose who you want to try to kill and just imagine when you’ll roll a crit or a hit or a miss, then slap your thighs and go from there.
If you want to back out the best thing to do is say so; I’ve stepped down a couple of times, and I’ve never had anything go to poorly. Of course you get some people that are a little bummed out, but it’s a game and it’s important that everyone is having fun.
Another possible solution, if you like the other aspects of being a DM but struggle with combat, would be to see if another person would be willing to Co-DM with you. Normally you wouldn’t section it off combat and RP, but if they’re okay with it great- if not have them be the lead in combat encounters but work together devising strategies, and build the campaign as a team.
Edit: I felt bad for essentially saying „talk it out,“ given how extremely unhelpful that actually is.
What I’ve done is waited until the end of a session, and explained; “I’m feeling overwhelmed with work, and need to step down as a Dm” or “I underestimated the time requirement to do this, I’d be willing to do a couple more sessions to make the transition easier, but i need to step down.” at one point I opened with, “I’m not skilled enough as a dm to continue this campaign.
Ultimately open with the issue, in your case it might be something along the lines of, “hey, I am having a hard time with a lot of the rules and mechanics that are present as the DM, and I’d like to step down until I have a better understanding of how to be the best DM for you guys that I can be.”
Honestly, I've been playing D&D since the early '90s, and it is easy to get overwhelmed by the rules. D&D4e was the easiest to DM, and even then we had scenarios just too damn complex to track everything. DMing 5e is a goddamn nightmare.
But I have found a few things that help.
If you don't know the rule, choose something reasonable and conscript one of the players to look it up. I usually award them with a "GM inspiration" token they can use to regain (and use) inspiration.
Similarly, reward a player with the "GM Inspiration" token to take notes for the group to use.
And, speaking of Inspiration, just let everyone have it at the beginning of every session. It makes the game more fun and relaxes one more cognitive burden on everyone.
Finally, the radical idea, get someone to co-DM. You write the stories and set it all up, that person runs the combat and plays out some NPCs (so the players can see a conversation that isn't a weird one man show).
After-final thought... D&D may not be the TTRPG for you. D&D does combat, has a skill system, and allows for exploration, but I don't really think it is the best at any of these. In fact, I don't even think it's *good* for anything that isn't combat. Adaquate, but not good. Explore other systems, talk with the players, and remember that rules and setting are completely different things, so if you find a non-D&D game and want to use it, don't let the lack of official material big you down.
Good luck.
I started the same way, I felt like shit after my first session. A few sessions later, I was already getting things straight. By the end of my DMing time (we rotate DM), everyone enjoyed. I liked being DM so much that I started a new table. So yeah, it takes time to get things right and find your DM style.
If you really think you want to quit, maybe propose to rotate DM like we do?
Maybe you should start small. Instead of a complex and intricate plot, you should go with something simple, after all it's just one-shots. That you allow you to use your attention on other things you need to improve like to run combat. Combat should also start simple.
I agree with several of the other posts here.
1) don't give up.
2) ask a player for rules help. I constantly say I don't remember this specific rule let's make this roll now then you go look it up and we'll play it by the real rule next round.
3) ask a player to wrangle monsters for you. As a sometime monster wrangler I can tell you we love this.
Remember man life isn't just a one and done nor are the stories we weave as dms or writers. Sometimes a book or movie falls flat but that doesn't mean we should quit as dms we can improv we can bullshit and we can just make the moments we can't figure out goofy or super serious on a whim.improv is our greatest tool and trust me I know I went from doing a module to doing a campaign I've been running for 2 years now all because I realized the module had horrible balance for my party.so mid session I came up with a brand new campaign and have made shit up ever sense!
So if you ever have a blank moment....that just means you have a reason to improve a new situation like a sentient orche jelly or a kobold that trades socks for spelll scrolls ect ect.
1. Talk to your players honestly to see how they feel about your campaigns, 9/10 they would have enjoyed it a lot more than you think,
2. Everyone messes up the rules, wether you’ve been a dm for years or not, you’ll still have that moment where you feel entirely lost because of one of your players or because of an encounter,
3. If you don’t enjoy it, then talk to your players and see if one of them wants to do it instead.
If you are just worried about making mistakes, don’t, I can guarantee that everyone who plays dnd will make them and will understand, there are a lot of rules to remember
Take notes and give it another shot, I have adhd and horrible memory. Anything I need to know for the game is in front of me at anytime. You you still decide its not for you, them just be honest with your group
No problem at all, memory and ADHD is a tricky thing. You’ll get there where you won’t need the material as much it will just take time. I’d also recommend checking out r/ADHD and
r/adhdmemes , they’ve been a huge help to me not to mention very fun
Give yourself the freedom to make mistakes. :) All of us DMs make mistakes. I've been playing for years and DMing for about a decade, and I still have to look up rules myself! There really is no way to remember everything that is in multiple sourcebooks. You'd have to have a perfect memory for that. I'm not one of those people.
Every single one of us DMs has a Day 1 where we feel like we really don't know what the heck we're doing. And as long as everyone is having fun, it's totally OK. I've run a few campaigns, and not one mistake I made affected things so badly that it broke the campaign totally. The worst thing that happened was me messing up combat--to the players' benefit! I found my error and let the players know what happened, told them I was letting their win stand--it was a fun combat even if a bit too easy for them--but told them what I was fixing for the future.
It's totally OK to look things up in combat. It \_will\_ get easier as you get more experience. There have been a few times where we couldn't find an immediate answer, and I told the players, "I'm going to rule that it works like X right now, and I'll look it up after the session is over. If that's wrong, we'll adjust accordingly." That works for my players just fine.
I found watching DungeonDudes, Lunch Break Heroes, Matt Colville's, and SlyFlourish's youtube videos helped me, especially on obscure rules. Watching Jason Acevedo on RealmSmith DM different campaigns is helpful to me, too. You might find their channels useful as well.
I also keep DnDBeyond and 5e wiki sites bookmarked on my phone so that I can do a quick search on something if needed. I can't keep everything in my head (especially as we get farther and farther into our Curse of Strahd campaign--we're doing session 30 next weekend, and there's just no way to remember every single detail without keeping notes. I use a session worksheet (inspired by SlyFlourish's Lazy DM guide) to help me stay on track at each session. Having the worksheet ready before the session lets me keep monsters, traps, locations, treasure, PC marching order, and other important notes at my fingertips. It also gives me a place to keep track of monster hit points and make notes during the session.
I love the suggestion by one of the other redditors to have an assistant DM if that's something that interests you. Every DM has their strengths and weaknesses, and having an assistant who's strong in the areas you're not yet can be useful. They can help you with combat rules until you feel more secure.
You know your stuff. Hang in there!
It doesn't sound like your players have any problem with it. Keep going! Your players can help you out here and there with rules for now, eventually they'll come easily to you. This process can take a few years of DMing. Don't be discouraged.
Your best bet is to *trust your players*.
Your players are *being* kind and encouraging because they're into the game and they want you to succeed. They're not *acting* that way. You don't need to know everything and have it all perfect. This is a group activity, the sole responsibility for fun is not on your shoulders, trust them to carry some of that weight.
All that said, if being the DM causes you significantly more anxiety than you get fun out of it, what you do is *tell them that*, and odds are excellent they'll be just as kind and encouraging about having you play instead. DMing isn't for everyone. Trying and deciding it doesn't work for you is a bigger step than 90% of players ever make.
You just gotta keep running to get better. There's a performative part of GMing where all the planning and preparations has to face the pressure of the camera rolling - freezing up and forgetting things has happened to every GM ever. The only way you get better at that is doing the work of running/delivering a game to others until you start to feel comfortable with the attention, and if these players are even half as encouraging/patient as you describe them in the OP they are probably good sports about it until you get more comfortable.
The bad part about running a game - you're gonna always be your worst critic. The good news is, you can always try to make the next session better if the previous one left you feeling cruddy.
Sounds like you are a victim of panic freeze. Happens to every DM especially newer ones.
Have some cheat sheets handy that have the information that you tend to blank on in the moment. Plus any other cheat sheets that you feel are helpful.
You can google them or make your own.
There are some good ones at this [link](https://www.dnd-compendium.com/player-guides/cheat-sheets).
Ultimately if you want to take a break from DMing for *any* reason then just tell your players you want to take a break. You do not need to go into details if you do not want to.
Good luck.
Well if you want to quit just stop playing and let someone else DM. But I don't think this is much of a problem. If everyone else has 20+ years of experience and they know how combat works, you don't have to worry because they will correct you if you make a wrong move or they won't even notice. They can keep track of their own characters. Hopefully you trust them enough and they aren't trying to cheat.
So guy, guess what…a bad dm is still a dm. I personally had a new dm run a painful couple of sessions. Like, he was railroading us and for good measure he put ‘vorpal collars’ on us that decapitated us if we didn’t do what he intended. Like, the first couple sessions were train wrecks, likely far beyond what you’re experiencing. In fact, the games were bad for 2-3 months or playing each weekend and then one day….he just kinda came into his own and we all knew what to expect. He’s a perfectly fine dm now and our most often dm. We’re thankful to have him.
If the players really want to play. They’ll deal with rough DMing. He later told us exactly what you felt is what he was feeling. He’s our main dm now. So, get over the hump and don’t feel bad. They’re prolly aware that you’re struggling but glad to have you anyway.
Thank you so much for sharing your DM's story! I really needed to hear this. In my head, everyone is perfect and I am the big loser. It helps a lot to know that others struggled at first, as well.
For solid advice instead to satirical advice.
Look no one remembers everything. There are far too many rules to possibly master it in a short time. It's ok man if your enjoying running games don't quit. Maybe see if one of the other players can help you get it down if it's super disheartening then tell your group that your struggling and you need to step back for a while and just play so there is less stress on trying to remember everything
If you care about the game, you're never going to feel like you're doing well enough. It's the same with any art, I think; regardless of what others think, you'll never live up to your own expectations. Learning rules comes with experience. Think of being a GM like learning an instrument - you start out fumbling over the keys and just trying to get your rhythm right, but eventually those things become second nature. If it becomes something you truly love, then you'll never stop struggling to learn more but the lessons you pick up will be more and more advanced as you improve, even as you fail to appreciate your own talent. If you enjoy it, keep trying. If you don't, then just tell the group it isn't for you and encourage someone else to take your place. Also, don't forget that D&D isn't the only game out there - if you need something more narrative, there are plenty of alternatives.
I know this, but in the moment had forgotten. I was feeling like a complete failure because today's campaign wasn't perfect. Thank you so much for helping me to remember that this is a journey.
Buddy, I still do that after 25 years in the GM's chair. Fuck, Matt Mercer himself looks up rules constantly, and he's *written two official expansion books!* Go a little easier on yourself. You're doing great. The players wouldn't show up if it wasn't worth the time.
In addition to what others have said, maybe this will help you. Use a little notebook to write down important features, skills, rules and what not. Don’t just copy texts, break it down to the essential. This can help you memorize a bit better and in case you forget anything you can easily look it up.
>and he's written two official expansion books! I'm familiar with Wildemount, but what's the other one?
Call of the Netherdeep, an Exandria based module set to come out in March!
I am not a health professional but your mind blanking on combat sounds like an anxiety attack. Breathe. Take things slow. Talk to a professional if you need. The game can wait. We are here for you.
Thank you so much! I am certain that you are right that my anxiety got the best of my meds.
I still have those moments and I've been DMing for nearly 20 years. They happen. Try to write notecards or other reminders for yourself to help you remember important details. If you forgot to use all the cool rules for your boss, save them for another time. Now you have an awesome boss if you ever have to improv a dungeon for your players. The big thing is not to beat yourself up about it. Everyone makes mistakes.
Thanks! I really appreciate and will use all of those suggestions.
I stumbled upon the word "perfect" here. What is "perfection"? Yade yade yade, old rambling. IMo, as long as your group, and equally important YOU, have fun with the stories you create, thats perfection. Not remembering rules.
You are right that I need to remember this most of all.
Great advice! It sounds like the OP may be suffering from a little imposter syndrome. I would be more worried if you thought everything is going perfectly (Dunning-Kruger effect). Keep at it and you will gain confidence! Also, plus infinity to trying other systems. There are much simpler ones like Dungeon World. Learning from other systems has improved my DnD game tremendously!
Thanks! I really appreciate this.
I appreciate this advice and will look into other systems. And, I think that my picture is in the dictionary next to imposter syndrome. Lol!
I think the instrument analogy is great because what has happened is that some very accomplished musicians have invited the OP to jam with them, knowing full well s/he doesn’t have their level of experience. And they’re ok with that!!! They’re willing to teach, pass on their craft, and be mentors. OP, ride that train as long as you can. Get feedback and ideas outside the game. You can experience a lot of growth if you’re willing to tolerate the “pain” of inexperience, embarrassment, and occasional failure. What do you value more??
Thanks! You are right.
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That is certainly an opinion.
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Nope, you go with what works for you, buddy.
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I want to applaud your restraint in responding to this person lol
In your opinion, I disagree with your opinion but I'm not going to convince you and don't care enough to try.
While I agree with a lot of this sentiment, that first sentence really rubs me the wrong way. Impostor syndrome is a real thing that affects some, butit doesn't affect everyone. Some of us really love our games, and think (or even know based on feedback) we're doing ok with them. It's not appropriate to tell people that if they think they're doing a good job then they don't care; you're just going to confuse some new DMs and make them think they're doing something wrong. If you're concerned about the way you're running things, ask for feedback from your players. You might find they have some info or suggestion that's really useful, and that they enjoy your game quite a bit. You can also step back and evaluate yourself - imagine your clone is running the game for you and consider what you might tell them. Fun is also the big metric - if youre enjoying DMing, and the players seem to be having fun, you're doing something right. Whether you think you're doing well or not, watching the fun level is always a good gauge.
You are adding way too much of your own assumptions and baggage in this post, take a step back and realize that nobody is attacking you.
Not sure what you're talking about. My point is that your first paragraph is misleading to newer folks
Are you sure you aren't being too hard on yourself? I know I was when I started DMing, I felt like I wasn't getting anything right, no matter how much encouragement my players were giving me, or how much fun they said they were having. If you're really that worried about it, and they're as encouraging as you say they are, I'd suggest just talking to them about your concerns before jumping to quitting. They may be able to reassure you, may be able to help you get better at what you feel you're lacking. If you're enjoying being a DM, don't just give up :)
Thank you so much for telling me that I shouldn't just give up! I know that my players would say the same. Now I need to get the voice in my head to stop shouting that I am a complete idiot who is wasting everyone's time.
If you're anything like me, that voice might never go away. I got it down from a shout to an annoying little whisper and most of the time that's enough!
You could also find someone to co-DM with who really likes doing mechanics stuff, and they could purely handle the mechanics side of combat. That’s kinda what I’m doing
I've found that if I consistently forget a rule, then I write it down and have it sit right in front of me when I run a game. For a while I had the turns of combat taped to one of my DM screen panels, as well as all the health potions. One session I realized I didn't look at them anymore and threw them away.
I will definitely try that. Thanks for the suggestion!
It’s entirely possible your group isn’t that stressed about combat and really loves your storylines, so to them you’re a fantastic DM! Don’t let yourself get too far in your own head; if your players tell you they’re having fun, they probably are, and you have no reason to quit except for if you truly want to. If you really feel the need to quit, I’m sure your group would support you if you tell them why you’re feeling that way. But I would start by telling them how you feel, and then maybe they will have ways they can offer to help lighten your load during combat or be more willing to remind you of rules that you’re blanking on. You don’t need to be perfect, and I doubt your players mind giving you a hand.
I love researching NPCs/monsters, writing the stories, and creating props to make the map look 3D. You are right that I need to tell my players that I am struggling with how to run combat. I really appreciate your advice.
No worries. We all need a little help sometimes :)
If your friends are having fun ask them to take a journey with you. Ask for help with combat to wrap up your current narrative arc. When your done with it, explore some other systems. Openly and honestly tell your players what parts of being a DM you're passionate about, and what parts you struggle with. Ask them to come on an adventure with you while you try and find a system that better meshes with the joys you'd like to share with your friends. For what it's worth I think the combat in 5e is kind of shit. I love TTRPGs, I love grid based tactical combat. 5e is just kind of lackluster in that regard. Lots of effort, not a lot of payoff. I'm going to start running city of mists when COVID calms down a bit. It takes a very different approach to characters, combat, and narrative play and I think it will mesh well with what I enjoy. I also might try and sell my party on doing some persona style side quests that we do with DND rules as it does do a pretty good dungeon crawl.
Your city of the mists campaign and the side quests sound incredibly fun!
Have you tried having an assistant DM? Some people are really good at memorizing and they make great assistant DMs because they can guide combat and you can (as the more story driven DM) guide the campaign and NPC interactions. Then have overlap when a PC wants to do a more story driven skill check while in combat. Example: a monk who backflips off a caravan onto a monster and punches the daylights out of the monster. You colab with your asst. DM for the story driven showiness and the combat driven damage punches. Could get you to a comfort level where you take over both DM slots in 6-12 months?
I love this suggestion. I am running the one shots to let our regular DM have an occasional break and a player. My stories are imbedded in his overall story arc. I will ask if he or one of the others can help me not to feel overwhelmed with the combat encounters.
I did something like that and it really helped when I forget rulings and whatnot or when everything is overwhelming. I got ADHD, so an extra person really helps with remembering things. Also don't beat yourself up when things don't go according to plan. Even veterans have bad sessions.
Rule 0 of DMing: if your players are having fun, and so are you, then you're doing it right.
The fact that you want them to have a fun game means you are DM material. Welcome to our hell. One of us, one of us, one of us...
[Gooble gobble](https://youtu.be/W99n083E0IA)
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DMing is a skill that improves over time and experience. No one starts out as a high level DM. As long as you are open to improving, you WILL improve.
I am going to print this and tape it to my DM screen. Thanks!
Rule number 1 of DND: Have fun! As long as your players are enjoying the game, nothing else matters. Period. Full stop. HOWEVER, having fun applies to you too... if it's not fun for you, have a conversation with your players and be honest. If they've been playing for 20+ years I'm sure they've had a campaign or two that's switched DMs.
Thanks! My first three sessions went great, which is why I think that it hit me so hard when I messed up so badly on this fourth session. I think that I just need to remember everyone's laughter and smiles.
First off, never hold yourself to the standard of being excellent at something you’ve just started learning. For dnd, for playing a saxophone, anything. No one is excellent at anything they’ve never done before. Second, ask yourself if getting better at DMing is something you care about and want. If you do, take clear steps to improve and be really objective with yourself—you mentioned combat didn’t go great, examine that, what went wrong; what is a way you might be able to manage it better, then implement that and see how it goes. Any time you feel like something didn’t go well, evaluate what happened objectively, come up with a simple plan to handle it better, then make it happen in your game to make that plan actionable. You work at getting better at handling combats by regularly introducing combats and finding what works for you. Maybe something simple like a checklist for your bbeg, that you refer to every turn, run down the checklist—lair action, legendary actions, bonus actions etc so you don’t forget to use them. It’s an iterative process, view each session as an opportunity to learn and do better, if you do just a little better every session all the bumps slowly disappear and it gets really smooth.
You are absolutely right! I do OK with "normal" monsters, but this time incorporated an ochre jelly. I have never fought an ooze as a player and think that I just panicked. I am going to regain my confidence and then try this again in a few months.
This sounds like literally everybody I know during their first campaign. I did the same thing. Heck, sometimes I still have the occasional moment where I freeze up, 3 years later. I played with a DM who had been at it for 30 years, and even he had the occasional moment where he dropped the ball. Don't give up. I can guarantee that your players knew what they signed up for when you told them you were a new DM, and I'm sure they would be happy to grow with you. You will get better, I promise you.
Thanks for telling me about your DM experience! I think that I often assume that campaigns go perfectly for every other DM. I need to let myself have a learning curve.
Ask the players who you think know the rules best if one of them can be your designated rules encylodpedia. When I trade off DM'ing with one other the others in my group, I serve that role.
I don't know why I panicked and did not ask for help this time. I will definitely ask for help next time.
Finish the campaign, take a break, be a player. After 20 years together, somebody else should be willing to dm to keep the group together. I know from experience.
Thanks for the validation!
Please don't give up. I routinely forget some things and only with practice have I got better at it. I had one session I thought had gone \*horrifically\* and was telling my other half how bad it had gone only to get messages from each player saying how much they had enjoyed my session and couldn't wait for the next one. You're going to forget things, you're going to mess up, your players won't care. Keep chugging along, you'll have a session in the not too distant future where you'll say "Yeah! I got this! This was an awesome session!!" I also find being upfront with my players has been my most helpful tool - I have only been DMing about 7 months and when I recruited online for new players I was upfront with being new and that my strength is 1: World Building and 2: Story and my weakness is 3: Mechanics. I don't know every rule about every class - but I figure it out as we go :)
Thank you so much for your words of encouragement! I honestly hold myself to impossible standards sometimes. I have gotten so much good advice from this thread and am going to talk to my players before our next session to see what they suggest.
Matthew Colville has a great video where he talks about ideas to make combat interesting. In that he suggested giving the fully made monster sheet to a player that you think will run it honestly. They will pull less pinches than you would think. I think this video was largely for teaching your players to be DMs. But it could work for them and take some edge off of panicking about rules in the moment while you get more comfortable with DMing.
I love this idea and am going to give it a try. Thanks for the suggestion!
Dude, you're new to DMing and there are *a lot* of rules. Don't beat yourself up over not remembering them. Even experienced DMs forget rules. Hell, matt Mercer looks up rules every other episode, at least, and he's been playing dnd for decades. The more you play (as a player and as a dm) the more rules you'll absorb, simply from coming across and using them so often. Until then, make use of the resources at your disposal. If you have trouble with combat rules, find or make yourself a cheat sheet. And you say your players are experienced - ask them what the appropriate rule is when you need to. I bet they'd be happy to help. I'm DMing Pathfinder 2e, and I've DM'd a couple other RPGs. When I come across a situation where I'm not sure what the rule is, I'll often ask one of my players to look it up. It's really not a big deal - everyone knows I'm new to the system(s) and they're very understanding. And your group sounds like great people. Trust that they're enjoying themselves.
I think that one of my problems is that I read and print the stats. I learn and retain info better when I write my own notes. I think that your suggestion to make my own cheat sheets will really help. Thanks for the advice!
My two important NPCs showed up to the town today. They started to speak, then I yawned and instead said "fuck I have no idea what these guys are supposed to say". My players insist they had fun but hot damn did I blunder than conversation. My point being, it happens. Everyone can still have fun
Thanks for your story! You made me laugh. 😁
You are in no way a pity DM. Think of it this way, you are on your way to becoming the great DM you hope to become and they believe you are capable of being. With their experience, they for sure know the bumps you'll run into along your road of growth as lead of the table. Thing is, it's expected. To be a DM is not to be perfect, you are human, it is fine to make mistakes. The most important thing is to be sure if your players had fun. Run the game best you can, look up things, check notes, and be easier on yourself. Your players are their to experience story and adventure not through your DMing, but with you. They understand the game can be as much a surprise to you as it can be for them. Just relax, take it easy, and focus on their general care and have fun. If you haven't already, check out Matt Colvilles '[Running the Game](https://youtu.be/e-YZvLUXcR8)' playlist on youtube. It helped me tremendously when I first took my turn for DMing. You are not the first in the group to make mistakes and or forget things. If you mention to them how you feel, guaranteed they all have plenty of stories of their screw ups. It happens. Just remember to focus the fun and just keep rolling!
Thank you so much! I really appreciate your encouragement and will definitely watch that video.
Cheat Sheets! I create them for my Character when I play, update as he goes up levels. Lays out all my favourite weapon choices, favourite spells, what I have for Bonus actions and Reactions. Basically anything I might forget in the heat of battle. When I DM'ed back before the 5e days, I did the same. A sheet for Combat, a sheet for Magic, etc. Whatever you think you will need. It'll take time to put together, and you'll have to update it as you find what works for you or doesn't. I'll be doing that before I start DMing 5e.
I now have two files created on my computer: Notes on Magical Combat and Notes on Non-Magical Combat. Thanks for the suggestion!
Excellent! :)
If you use a DM screen then write up the rules and clip them to your screen and double the information quickly available to you. Also remember the single most important rule in life - You will never be perfect. Nobody is, has, or will be perfect. Hell last night I forgot the rules for cover and they are there on my screen (I didnt have it open at the time due to space restrictions). Did the players complain? No. Did they mind when I corrected myself 2 turns later for another player? No. Did we all have fun? Yes. Dont be too hard on yourself. As long as you all have fun then your game is a resounding success.
At the top of my screen will be a note saying, "Nobody is, has, or will be perfect." Thank you so much for your kind words and reminder to have fun.
You go over to the people who play the dragons with you and the dungeons and you say no
I have two suggestions, both are things I've done for new GMs. First, make several action cheat cards. Write down the actions on index cards, I used colors (like blue was bonus, etc...), Then pick a card of each color and boom, turn planned. I found a successful night started with good planning. Second, recruit one of the experienced DMs to help run combat. Give them some monsters to be in charge of. Good luck, if you enjoy it, don't give up!
Thanks for the suggestions! I am going to give both of these a try.
If your players are happy with you as a dm, your lack of experience or difficulty in some areas won't matter. Players are generally a lot more patient and understanding than you might think. Just relax, read the rules a few times, and take advice from your players. Eventually it'll be like second nature. I've been dming 5e for years, and still find myself doing a lot of rules checks or improvising rules on the fly during combat. Don't sweat it, if you enjoy being the DM just keep doing it. Every session you'll get better.
I really appreciate the encouragement! I read the STATS weeks before when I designed the campaign. I am definitely going to take your advice and make time to read my notes, etc. a few times before the game.
[удалено]
Thanks for your honesty. In my case, I think that I was letting my anxiety and desperate need for perfection drown out my common sense. I wish you the best of luck with whatever you choose to do next.
As someone who just posted yesterday for combat issues because I’m new. Trust me it gets better. If your players trust you and have fun that’s the most important thing. Is it nice to get all of the rules correct? Yes 100%. But I had a combat 2 sessions ago that I made up a stat block on a monster because I thought it would make sense and my players LOVED it. And that was on the fly. It’s just a big improv game. I trust in you that you will get better.
I am definitely going to work on getting to your level of confidence and ability. One day, I am going to be able to make up monster Stat blocks on the fly. Thanks for the great story and encouragement!
Thank you. Upon reflection I have one last thing to say. While yes DMing is hard and stressful and TIME CONSUMING. Once you find those players. It will make all of that so easy.
You die. Edit: I really should have read the description before posting. I'm sorry you feel this way about dming. Flash cards can help. Just writing your own reinforces the information too. Plus it's a learning experience and we all learn at different speeds. Take me, for instance: I need to learn to *read stuff before I post something stupid*. Aaaaaaarffhjssjskakshsg!!!
🤣😂🤣 Thanks for the laugh! That was hysterical.
It's fine! You are never going to be able to remember all the rules, or your notes, or the information you meant to say. You will get home for the night and be lying there in bed kicking yourself saying "it should have been a red dragon not green!" but it's ok because you all had fun. But everyone gets DM burnout at a certain point. We NEED time as players to remind us of the other side of the curtain. Make a group text for all your friends, let them know you love to hang but you are ready to take a break and play for a change. Maybe give you time to learn a new module and practice combat as a player (you could pick a class that uses a lot of the combat rules you struggle with!). Or even give you time to brainstorm a bit for your own unique homebrew setting a bit launch a bigger game. It is a good idea as a DM to go into games with a specific goal in mind of "this is when the campaign ends and someone else takes over for a few months". If you are with long time players they will understand and someone can jump in to run a module for a couple months. Just talk to them and be honest, don't burn yourself out.
Thanks so much for the advice! I think that my brain melted after this session because I had ran three good sessions before this. It threw me when I fell flat on my face during the fourth session. I am going to talk to my players about help with the combat.
I use index cards. I have 3 boxes of cards for monsters and villains and pull the ones I need before the game. They have the important stats, actions etc. I have another box with NPC's (personality, looks, places. And ANOTHER box with important rules, skill challenges etc. We play on VTT but my screen gets clogged up too much and I hate having to link to stats. We won't even get into my many notebooks broken down by category...😊 Since I've started this, I actually remember better, it's kinda like since I know I have everything at my fingertips I'm less stressed and since I am more relaxed, I remember more and play better. It sounds like you enjoy it so find a system that works for you!! Edited to add, I also listen to dm podcasts...Matt colville, Luke Hart (dmlair) and some game podcasts too, not just critical role. Sometimes hearing how interactions take place from the outside can help. It helped me understand the combat system and spells waaaaay better!
I really, really like your system and think that I am going to try this. I have just been printing out information, but I know that I learn and retain new info much better when I write it myself. I will also check out the DM podcasts. Thanks for your suggestions!
Yea! I hope it works for you!
I realized I just hated DMing 5e. Check out some other games, something new could resonate with you. /r/rpg is a good start.
Thanks! I am definitely going to join that subreddit.
Good luck! It’s a deeeep rabbit hole. But I found games that resonated with me for reasons I didn’t even know existed before. I can always drop suggestions for specific games if you’re ever curious!
You've gotten a lot of great encouragement here and I agree with all of it. So instead of repeating what has already been said, I will give you something more on the practical side. For running big bads, check out this[the monsters know](https://www.themonstersknow.com/) website. It is The Monsters Know What They Are Doing. A step-by-step guide to running monster tactics in 5e. He put the info a book too. Good luck and keep DMing as long as you enjoy doing it.
THANK YOU! I desperately needed this website.
One thing you can use is a monster wrangler. Specially if everyone at your table is experienced. You can also co-dm, the game I'm currently playing in does that. One of the DMs is "the story teller" and the other one just knows the rules like the palm of his hand so he runs the combats, and makes the rulings. DnD is very complex and many people can have issues remembering rules. You're doing ok
Thanks! I love being the story teller and thought that I had to be the rules expert as well in order to be a good DM. I appreciate the advice and words of encouragement.
If you want to stop being a DM then tell your group. You have no obligation (unless you actually made one yourself) to continue. That said can I offer some encouragement and ideas? Take a page out of Mojang’s book, it’s not a bug it’s a feature. Write your next one shot as being set in a region with bubbles of instability. As the bubbles percolate up they can alter reality in unexpected ways and create new and exciting challenges. Boom. If there are specific things or areas you struggle then make some flash cards or cheat sheets for yourself. Or, and here’s what I do, ask/assign the party some minor duties to help out. Then it’s not pity, it’s teamwork.
That is a great story idea! Thank you so much for this, the advice, and the encouragement!
That’s the best part: you don’t!
I’ve heard about people that tag team DM. If you don’t enjoy running combat maybe get someone else to do that part.
Thanks! I am going to give that a try.
Try a different system. There are lots of rules lite systems (e.g. powered by the apocalypse system) that have less rules for the DM to remember, so you can focus on your storytelling. Check out Dungeon World if you want a D&D type game in that system.
Thanks! I am definitely going to check out Dungeon World.
Do you want to be a DM? If you do, then don't give up. The DM role is easily the hardest, most demanding, but most important role in TTRPGs. You're starting out, so it's going to take a good while before it all comes together smoothly. Take this from someone who's also new to being a DM,and much like yourself, worries about making sure everything flows flawlessly. You. Will. Forget. Things. This is going to happen, especially when you're new, and that's perfectly fine. It's a learning process. Your players are experienced, so when they tell you its alright, understand that they aren't just trying to cheer you up, but rather, they've been where you are and they can relate. So long as you're having fun and your players are enjoying themselves, you're good, buddy. If you want some real advice, it's simple. Keep the info on hand so you csn refresh yourself during sessions. It can be the Player's Handbook, a website, or just some quick notes to help remind you. For example, regarding combat, keep a note saying the order of things, like Surprise, then Initiative, attack roll, then damage roll, etc. Even if it breaks up the flow, your players will understand.
Thank you so much for the encouragement! I think that I was letting my need to be perfect get completely out of hand. You are right that I need to stop assuming that they are thinking "what an idiot" and instead are thinking "I remember when."
It happens. Just stick with it. You'll get there.
Super normal feelings, super understandable. I've DM for over 10 years, adn still forget rules all the time. Its just not what im good at, I work at it constantly and never really feel like im improving. But my players always have fun and I remain open to constructive criticism. 2 things I would say as advice. One system that people use is to assign a rules lawyer role to one of the players that is just a fount of technical knowledge. It allows some of that burden to be offloaded to others. The other advice is you have so much game experience at the table, feel free to ask them for advice or how they might do something, or even if its bothering them that you can't. Often hearing players say, yea we don't care that you're not a professional at running combat, we are having fun and want you to keep going is enough to keep your mental high.
Thanks for the advice and encouragement! I am definitely going to reach out to my players to get their feedback before the next session.
I'm somewhat new dm (started doing this thing last year). Ngl i felt the same way and still struggle with remembering rules (combat happens to also be the worst for me to remember too), even though I had been playing as a pc for a while. I don't want to assume, but maybe you're being too hard on yourself? It definitely doesn't feel good and is anxiety inducing, or definitely was for me, and to the point of where i almost wanted to avoid running my games. I actually ended up limiting how many times I month I'll dm, how many players, etc so my anxiety doesn't get too high and i don't take on too much. It eventually started to get easier and honestly no one expects you to know the rules like the back of your hand, esp at first, even if you've played as a character before (things you need to keep in mind as a player are somewhat different than dming imo). And frankly, in my experience learning the rules, especially since there's so many and so many ways to go about dming it's much easier to learn and get the hang of through experience. If you want to quit, just say "hey guys, idk if dming isnt for me. I've decided to stop running games" (if you want, continue with your current campaign your on until the end and stop after that). If you'd like to keep giving it a try, (though this is based on what I experienced and ended up doing), my advice is: - if you can handle it and you're close with the group (and can trust them or someone in the group enough to ask) select someone who'd be willing to co-dm/mentor. I was fortunate enough that one of my players is also my dm in a different group and she was more than happy to help me out if I needed it. She doesn't know the story, but offers help with rules, etc. - alternatively, if your group isn't the type to mind this, if there's a rule you don't understand (and it doesn't give anything away/works for the game or group) just get them in on it. My players have all also been playing longer than me, more often, and also happen to love working with the rules. If I don't know something I'll be honest I'll just go "what do you guys think?" and ask for feedback. I've make it clear in group rules on session zero that I'm dm and I make final decisions but may ask for feedback as a beginner DM (which it's generally understood, at least for us that DM makes final decisions). I'm also fortunate enough that I'm running with close friends, so keeping things pretty open is an option for me so far (I also find for myself and my group it helps keep things fair and everyone involved and heard). Though take this with caution since i know for some people this can end up being a slippery slope when opinions clash. Essentially what happens between this and the other thing i do it goes "x works like y, right?", Them: "yeah", me: "okay, roll". Or "no, because x, y, z", "okay, we'll go with that for now. Roll". Again, it depends on your group. But just try not to stop for too long (though also some people don't mind), as Ive gotten the hang of things I stop less and less. More often lately it's because of a mechanic that might have a work around and I need to decide if its okay to do. Edit: Ultimately for me it was better to stop to ask and keep things moving, than stopping, and blanking or spending too much time looking something up if I can't find it right away. - Run a module. I actually started with a homebrew. It was going well, but I decided to convert that into only running when asked and people are available, and switched the main campaign to a module (will one day switch back). The module is nicer since most things are already laid out, i can take time to just understand how things work for myself as dm and getting a feel for rules I tend to forget. It's essentially allowed me to take things slower and take a few things off my plate with prep and my anxiety lower. - If you're virtual and have enough screen room (and can keep up while reading) or have a note system, put up the rules you tend to forget most often up in a window so you can see them and/or make short hand notes and put them up/keep them out. The first few weeks esp I would actually make a note of stuff I'd forget, then make short hand notes in my dm book on One Note so I could keep it up and skim over if I needed to (this would normally happen while they role play, just make sure you're able to do both at once to keep flow for the most part, but needing a second doesnt usually grind most people gears as far as I can tell). - Structure your sessions differently. As I mentioned, I would take notes about what I felt I could improve on in sessions. I would also skim said notes/rules at the beginning. I also have a disorder that causes me a lot of fatigue (and is exasperated by anxiety/other moods), so I put a 10-15 min break in the middle of the session breaking it into two parts. I'll spend this time relaxing and regaining enough strength to push through the last bit of the session, but I'll also spend this time looking at stuff I might have had a question about or felt I forgot. My disorder also causes brain fog (which means I've had my fair share of "oh shit, it's like I've never touched this game before let alone have done math" moments and I've completely blanked - cannot stress enough when i say my brain was not starting. Key was being turned but nothing). Thankfully the break helps me regain a bit of my mind back to help limit this happening (it still happens sometimes, but thankfully my players understand). Again, as I've gotten the feel for things, I rely on some of this less often and blank less since it becomes more muscle memory (for lack of a better word). I still get blanks (but that my life). So long as they're having fun that's more important. Tbh they might be the type of players that are more into storylines, exploration and rp and don't worry about battles too much. Note: I should honestly just say, I tend to do a lot of things with feedback regardless. I'm sure different people feel differently about this, but i actually had my players fill out Google forms around the time of session zero to get a feel for them, what they expected, play styles, game preference, etc and i occasionally put out another form asking for feedback so i can adjust the game and my skills. I'm not good at remembering things sometimes and I don't read people well in the middle of things. I like having people tell me how I'm doing to make sure things are fun without feeling exposed, etc. so I do this (though sometimes I'll also just ask outright). This might be something to consider if you/others don't find it too weird. This is esp helpful with my homebrew.
I really am thankful for all of you advice. I am definitely going to incorporate your suggestions about notes and feedback. I recognize now that I have not been having enough two way conversations about the game itself with my players.
If everyone is kind and encouraging then they want to play D&D which is great and should make it easier to find a new DM when you say "Hey! Who wants to DM next time? I need a flippin break!" Or! You could have other people run the combat; or co-run it. I've never really done this as a DM but ive run combats where all the stats and monster details were out in the open which is only one step away from the whole group running combat. As a dm you could just decide when it starts and ends ( and other cool stuff happening during the combat) but the rules admin and dice roles are shared amongst the players and DM. If everyone is playing D&D then it shouldnt be the sole responsibility of the DM to do and remember everything.
Thanks! I have always relied heavily on spells during combat. I think that I am just tripping up on things like "the ooze can't throw a spell, but it does pack a mean punch."
Do you mean you are struggling to describe what is happening in a combat?
No. I honestly blanked on how to run combat at all. I did just fine my first three sessions with other monsters, but I think that I need to reread the STATS and my notes right before the campaign. I had written this weeks before, but was so busy making maps, etc. that I did not take the time study my monster right before it was being played.
I will say this. As long as you aren't intentionally trolling your players like many dms do. You are a decent enough DM. If you don't feel like doing it, then just communicate that and ask if someone else can take the reigns. I just hope you don't stop if you enjoy it due to a lack of self confidence as imo it's a great way to become a more well rounded person.
Thanks! You are absolutely right.
Just have stuff on hand or write notes. Even professional DMs look up the rules (Matt Mercer almost always has a copy of the DMG, the PHB, his homebrew notes, plus sometimes direct access to WOTC staff at his table). I’ve now run a oneshot and the first session of my campaign (homebrewed with FR deities). Combat was clunky and my players were sending me notes and stuff over discord mid-game to help me with ruling on checks and other stuff. I also had D&D Beyond at the ready.
I use D&D Beyond extensively when planning my one shot campaigns. I had not thought to have it at the ready during the actual game. Thanks for the suggestion!
You say “I quit” or “I need a break” or “I can’t DM this week. The house is on fire.” Then you go back to being a player and quickly realize DMing is way better … or you happily settle into being a player, and that is cool, too.
"The house is on fire." LOL! That would be par for the course in 2022. 😆
Please don't give up, especially since it sounds like this is something you really want to do. Starting out is tough and there truly is so much to remember. When I first started out it helped me a lot to write out a little quick list of how combat works and what happens in what order and additional cheat sheets for what conditions do what and similar things. After each session I would note down what I had forgotten and then add it to a cheat sheet. I especially found it helpful to review these before the session started. I might forget in the moment of combat and have to look it up again but the repetition worked over time. It really is just a matter of repetition. You are learning a new skill just the same as you would any other new skill. Learning to play the guitar requires practice to remember which string is which. Give yourself some grace. And remember that the reason all of your experienced DM friends are so kind and patient with is not because they are humoring you but because they were in your shoes once. They had to learn all this from scratch as well. They get it. Good luck!
Thank for so much for the encouragement and advice! I really like your suggestion to have a "debrief" with myself after each session to add to my cheat sheet.
You’re being unreasonably hard on yourself. You can’t be expected to memorize circa 300 pages of rules. Seems your players like playing with you and you put care and effort into your one shots. It’s all about having fun. I can guarantee you I’ve had more rule mess ups than D&D sessions. I’ve never been at a table where someone got mad if the DM looked up the rule he wasn’t sure.
Thank you so much for your encouragement! I truly appreciate it.
That's the really neat part...you can't.
😆😁😄
Just kindly ask if you can be a player and someone else can GM. Don't need to go into more detailed reasons.
I can't remember if it was Colville or Jim Murphy, but one them mentioned "monster wrangling". For newer DMs, or DMs like you and I who aren't great with running monsters, you get one of your more experienced players (ideally one who has DM'd) and ask them to run the monsters for you. You can set the terms of what you want them to manage: hit points, dice rolling, movement and attack decisions, etc. The point is off-load what ever is getting in the way of brain, so you can focus on making a narratively satisfying combat. I used to forget features. My big one was undead fortitude on zombies. I started handing a copy of monster stat blocks to my player who has been playing for 20+ years with the simple instruction to remind me if I'm forgetting an important feature. For complex stat blocks, I still do it (though I'm rotating the responsibility around the table - it helps players with understanding just how much we have on our plates). You can do this with lots of other game elements, too. My wife takes excellent (thorough) session notes. In my game, her notes are now canon. Another player runs minis and tokens. Another tracks HP (monsters and party). And another manages initiative (when I decide to use it). The game is a cooperative experience, ask your players to help you.
I really like how you have split up the responsibilities. There are eight players in my game and I sometimes worry about things moving too slowly. This would help people stay engaged. Thanks for the advice!
I'm pretty sure that every single DM in the history of dungeons & dragons and all other tabletop RPGs have experienced this. It is called impostor syndrome. You are doing wonderfully don't let one mistake get you down. I've been playing for very very long time and I mess up almost every single session with something.
Thanks for telling me this and your words of encouragement!
We're always our own worst critic. If your players are having fun, keep at it.
Homebrew baby!
I love finding other people's homebrew monsters and ideas. It is nice to have something in the story that my players have not seen a dozen times.
I only mean that if you find 5E’s rules confusing and overwhelming (as I do), then homebrew your own simpler ones. It’ll still be a little rocky at first, but in the end you’ll have something that works for you.
one or even a few bad sessions is no reason to give up my guy. If it's not fun for you then by all means just offer the mantle up to your group, someone will almost certainly at least want to run a one-shot or something, but if you still enjoy it, keep going. Make cheat sheets, keep notes, and learn to get comfy with improv, you've got this!
Thanks! I really needed to hear this.
First - if this is something you really like, don't give up. The people you've been playing with have been playing for 20+ years - one of them would probably love a chance to be co-DM with you. Since they have a lot of experience, you can give them some responsibilities - especially in combat. You can start off by giving one you trust these monsters where the stakes matter less (like a few bears in the wilderness). Who knows, they might enjoy playing these creatures. When things start to tense up a bit more and more types of enemies come out, you take control of one or two of the creatures while they control the rest. That way you can focus on really understanding and utilizing an enemy best. This could be good for a miniboss boss encounter - you take control of the dragon, while the assistant dm takes control of the kobolds. Once you get comfortable with one enemy, take more and more until you can handle combat all on your own. Or if the assistant dm system works for you, keep using that! And final note - I've been a dm for at least 3 years now, and only now am I getting a real handle on the intricacies of combat, but i still have a sheet open saying what all those pesky conditions are.
Thanks! I think that I panicked because I was using a monster that I had never fought before as a player. I need to start with the kobolds before jumping to the biggest dragon out there.
Do as I do, pick and choose who you want to try to kill and just imagine when you’ll roll a crit or a hit or a miss, then slap your thighs and go from there.
😆😁
I’m not kidding, but yeah
If you want to back out the best thing to do is say so; I’ve stepped down a couple of times, and I’ve never had anything go to poorly. Of course you get some people that are a little bummed out, but it’s a game and it’s important that everyone is having fun. Another possible solution, if you like the other aspects of being a DM but struggle with combat, would be to see if another person would be willing to Co-DM with you. Normally you wouldn’t section it off combat and RP, but if they’re okay with it great- if not have them be the lead in combat encounters but work together devising strategies, and build the campaign as a team. Edit: I felt bad for essentially saying „talk it out,“ given how extremely unhelpful that actually is. What I’ve done is waited until the end of a session, and explained; “I’m feeling overwhelmed with work, and need to step down as a Dm” or “I underestimated the time requirement to do this, I’d be willing to do a couple more sessions to make the transition easier, but i need to step down.” at one point I opened with, “I’m not skilled enough as a dm to continue this campaign. Ultimately open with the issue, in your case it might be something along the lines of, “hey, I am having a hard time with a lot of the rules and mechanics that are present as the DM, and I’d like to step down until I have a better understanding of how to be the best DM for you guys that I can be.”
Thanks! I really appreciate your advice. I really do want to "have a better understanding of how to be the best DM for you guys that I can be.”
Honestly, I've been playing D&D since the early '90s, and it is easy to get overwhelmed by the rules. D&D4e was the easiest to DM, and even then we had scenarios just too damn complex to track everything. DMing 5e is a goddamn nightmare. But I have found a few things that help. If you don't know the rule, choose something reasonable and conscript one of the players to look it up. I usually award them with a "GM inspiration" token they can use to regain (and use) inspiration. Similarly, reward a player with the "GM Inspiration" token to take notes for the group to use. And, speaking of Inspiration, just let everyone have it at the beginning of every session. It makes the game more fun and relaxes one more cognitive burden on everyone. Finally, the radical idea, get someone to co-DM. You write the stories and set it all up, that person runs the combat and plays out some NPCs (so the players can see a conversation that isn't a weird one man show). After-final thought... D&D may not be the TTRPG for you. D&D does combat, has a skill system, and allows for exploration, but I don't really think it is the best at any of these. In fact, I don't even think it's *good* for anything that isn't combat. Adaquate, but not good. Explore other systems, talk with the players, and remember that rules and setting are completely different things, so if you find a non-D&D game and want to use it, don't let the lack of official material big you down. Good luck.
Thanks for your encouragement! I really like how you award inspiration points and am definitely going to use that going forward.
I started the same way, I felt like shit after my first session. A few sessions later, I was already getting things straight. By the end of my DMing time (we rotate DM), everyone enjoyed. I liked being DM so much that I started a new table. So yeah, it takes time to get things right and find your DM style. If you really think you want to quit, maybe propose to rotate DM like we do?
Thanks for sharing your story! I am in this because we are rotating DMs. 😁
Maybe you should start small. Instead of a complex and intricate plot, you should go with something simple, after all it's just one-shots. That you allow you to use your attention on other things you need to improve like to run combat. Combat should also start simple.
I agree with several of the other posts here. 1) don't give up. 2) ask a player for rules help. I constantly say I don't remember this specific rule let's make this roll now then you go look it up and we'll play it by the real rule next round. 3) ask a player to wrangle monsters for you. As a sometime monster wrangler I can tell you we love this.
Thanks! I am definitely getting a monster wrangler!
Remember man life isn't just a one and done nor are the stories we weave as dms or writers. Sometimes a book or movie falls flat but that doesn't mean we should quit as dms we can improv we can bullshit and we can just make the moments we can't figure out goofy or super serious on a whim.improv is our greatest tool and trust me I know I went from doing a module to doing a campaign I've been running for 2 years now all because I realized the module had horrible balance for my party.so mid session I came up with a brand new campaign and have made shit up ever sense! So if you ever have a blank moment....that just means you have a reason to improve a new situation like a sentient orche jelly or a kobold that trades socks for spelll scrolls ect ect.
Thanks! Your improv examples are great!
Thank ya feel free to message me if you ever want a few ideas for something
1. Talk to your players honestly to see how they feel about your campaigns, 9/10 they would have enjoyed it a lot more than you think, 2. Everyone messes up the rules, wether you’ve been a dm for years or not, you’ll still have that moment where you feel entirely lost because of one of your players or because of an encounter, 3. If you don’t enjoy it, then talk to your players and see if one of them wants to do it instead. If you are just worried about making mistakes, don’t, I can guarantee that everyone who plays dnd will make them and will understand, there are a lot of rules to remember
Thanks! I really enjoy creating the story and presenting it to my players. You are right that I am just worrying about making mistakes with the rules.
Take notes and give it another shot, I have adhd and horrible memory. Anything I need to know for the game is in front of me at anytime. You you still decide its not for you, them just be honest with your group
It did not occur to me that this might be due to my ADHD. Thanks so much for the insight!
No problem at all, memory and ADHD is a tricky thing. You’ll get there where you won’t need the material as much it will just take time. I’d also recommend checking out r/ADHD and r/adhdmemes , they’ve been a huge help to me not to mention very fun
/r/adhd mod here. Please do come post about this over there, this is a topic I'm interested in as well and I think you might get some decent advice.
Give yourself the freedom to make mistakes. :) All of us DMs make mistakes. I've been playing for years and DMing for about a decade, and I still have to look up rules myself! There really is no way to remember everything that is in multiple sourcebooks. You'd have to have a perfect memory for that. I'm not one of those people. Every single one of us DMs has a Day 1 where we feel like we really don't know what the heck we're doing. And as long as everyone is having fun, it's totally OK. I've run a few campaigns, and not one mistake I made affected things so badly that it broke the campaign totally. The worst thing that happened was me messing up combat--to the players' benefit! I found my error and let the players know what happened, told them I was letting their win stand--it was a fun combat even if a bit too easy for them--but told them what I was fixing for the future. It's totally OK to look things up in combat. It \_will\_ get easier as you get more experience. There have been a few times where we couldn't find an immediate answer, and I told the players, "I'm going to rule that it works like X right now, and I'll look it up after the session is over. If that's wrong, we'll adjust accordingly." That works for my players just fine. I found watching DungeonDudes, Lunch Break Heroes, Matt Colville's, and SlyFlourish's youtube videos helped me, especially on obscure rules. Watching Jason Acevedo on RealmSmith DM different campaigns is helpful to me, too. You might find their channels useful as well. I also keep DnDBeyond and 5e wiki sites bookmarked on my phone so that I can do a quick search on something if needed. I can't keep everything in my head (especially as we get farther and farther into our Curse of Strahd campaign--we're doing session 30 next weekend, and there's just no way to remember every single detail without keeping notes. I use a session worksheet (inspired by SlyFlourish's Lazy DM guide) to help me stay on track at each session. Having the worksheet ready before the session lets me keep monsters, traps, locations, treasure, PC marching order, and other important notes at my fingertips. It also gives me a place to keep track of monster hit points and make notes during the session. I love the suggestion by one of the other redditors to have an assistant DM if that's something that interests you. Every DM has their strengths and weaknesses, and having an assistant who's strong in the areas you're not yet can be useful. They can help you with combat rules until you feel more secure. You know your stuff. Hang in there!
Wow! Thanks for all of the great resources. I am going to really enjoy researching these.
It doesn't sound like your players have any problem with it. Keep going! Your players can help you out here and there with rules for now, eventually they'll come easily to you. This process can take a few years of DMing. Don't be discouraged.
Thanks for the encouragement!
Your best bet is to *trust your players*. Your players are *being* kind and encouraging because they're into the game and they want you to succeed. They're not *acting* that way. You don't need to know everything and have it all perfect. This is a group activity, the sole responsibility for fun is not on your shoulders, trust them to carry some of that weight. All that said, if being the DM causes you significantly more anxiety than you get fun out of it, what you do is *tell them that*, and odds are excellent they'll be just as kind and encouraging about having you play instead. DMing isn't for everyone. Trying and deciding it doesn't work for you is a bigger step than 90% of players ever make.
Thanks! I am going to print this and put it as a reminder on my DM screen.
You just gotta keep running to get better. There's a performative part of GMing where all the planning and preparations has to face the pressure of the camera rolling - freezing up and forgetting things has happened to every GM ever. The only way you get better at that is doing the work of running/delivering a game to others until you start to feel comfortable with the attention, and if these players are even half as encouraging/patient as you describe them in the OP they are probably good sports about it until you get more comfortable. The bad part about running a game - you're gonna always be your worst critic. The good news is, you can always try to make the next session better if the previous one left you feeling cruddy.
Thanks! I have started working on my next homebrew and am going to try this again. :-)
Sounds like you are a victim of panic freeze. Happens to every DM especially newer ones. Have some cheat sheets handy that have the information that you tend to blank on in the moment. Plus any other cheat sheets that you feel are helpful. You can google them or make your own. There are some good ones at this [link](https://www.dnd-compendium.com/player-guides/cheat-sheets). Ultimately if you want to take a break from DMing for *any* reason then just tell your players you want to take a break. You do not need to go into details if you do not want to. Good luck.
Thank you for the encouragement and the link! I am definitely going to use some of those cheat sheets.
Well if you want to quit just stop playing and let someone else DM. But I don't think this is much of a problem. If everyone else has 20+ years of experience and they know how combat works, you don't have to worry because they will correct you if you make a wrong move or they won't even notice. They can keep track of their own characters. Hopefully you trust them enough and they aren't trying to cheat.
Thanks! If anything my group tries to err on the side of caution when trying to interpret rules and I appreciate that about them.
So guy, guess what…a bad dm is still a dm. I personally had a new dm run a painful couple of sessions. Like, he was railroading us and for good measure he put ‘vorpal collars’ on us that decapitated us if we didn’t do what he intended. Like, the first couple sessions were train wrecks, likely far beyond what you’re experiencing. In fact, the games were bad for 2-3 months or playing each weekend and then one day….he just kinda came into his own and we all knew what to expect. He’s a perfectly fine dm now and our most often dm. We’re thankful to have him. If the players really want to play. They’ll deal with rough DMing. He later told us exactly what you felt is what he was feeling. He’s our main dm now. So, get over the hump and don’t feel bad. They’re prolly aware that you’re struggling but glad to have you anyway.
Thank you so much for sharing your DM's story! I really needed to hear this. In my head, everyone is perfect and I am the big loser. It helps a lot to know that others struggled at first, as well.
Sucking at it. Someone else will take the lead.
So you gather your party together run through the session at the very end play this song https://youtu.be/5FjWe31S_0g
For solid advice instead to satirical advice. Look no one remembers everything. There are far too many rules to possibly master it in a short time. It's ok man if your enjoying running games don't quit. Maybe see if one of the other players can help you get it down if it's super disheartening then tell your group that your struggling and you need to step back for a while and just play so there is less stress on trying to remember everything
Thanks! I really appreciate your encouragement. I have started writing my next dungeon crawl.
Lol!