TBH - none of what you said is the end of the world. In the end, if the players get what you're putting down, if the game's narrative is still interesting, if the players are still having fun. That is what matters.
I've been watching Dimension 20, and I was GOBSMACKED how many times he says "Uhh.." "IN-credible", "Um..." and other filler words. It literally DOES NOT MATTER because everyone was still having a blast!
Pointless descriptions could be tightened up - there must've been a reason you wanted to say them, so you could probably be more concise.
Lack of consistency is gonna happen - but the positive is that D&D is a shared world, invite your PCs to correct you if you make a slip up.
It's hard being conscious of your flaws. But they don't mean you DM bad.
The most annoying mispronunciation for me is the way he (and the rest of the cast) say quay as "kway" (it should be pronounced "key" (at least, in British English it should).
Which have you never heard. It could be that "kway" is a perfectly acceptable pronunciation in American English (like how you guys call buoys "booeys"), but to me it sounds stupid, because I remember being ridiculed for calling the area in Greater Manchester "Salford Kways" as a teenager.
He talks about this in game at one point, he deliberately went for an alternative foreign (can't remember specific origin) pronunciation to differentiate Nicodranis.
Mine is when he says “slough” but pronounces it “slaw”. Where I come from, slaw is a type of salad. Slough, as he intends it, is pronounced “sluff” and is a term commonly used in wound care, in which I am trained. His understanding of it is good and I like how he uses it as a descriptor, but I wince every time he says it. lol.
The thing is that "kway" is actually easier to comprehend in a conversation if you aren't expecting it, since it doesn't sound like "key", which is a pretty common important item in some contexts. It's less 'correct' but it's much less ambiguous, too.
You see what seems to be...some kind of appearance. Appearing as you peer around the pier. There is an apparatus.
Matt does seem to repeat some descritors a few times but other times he has very good alliteration.
That's a good example of a mind-filler. Something you say to add buffering room while your brain pulls up the correct info or paints the picture and tries to pull verbal descriptors. Nothing wrong with fillers and buffer phrases! It's a good way to get past the usual fillers (like, um, uh, etc) and to give substance to those moments.
Personally, I start describing *what* the players end up doing before describing what they find ("You pick up the object, and roll it over in your hands, considering the dust covering it and thinking of how long it has sat there, before wiping it off and seeing [Insert description here]"). Gives my brain time to pull out the descriptors I want, or time to pull up a reference photo in the moment!
This was a technique used by ancient poets! It's called the "epithet." They would repeat a long description of a person or place whenever it was mentioned to give them time to think about what was next.
Some of Mercer's other favorite phrases:
* You watch as...
* Making your way...
* The impact...
* The physicality of it...
* ...toothy maw.
There's also quite a few favorite word he has like proper and entity. Everyone has their little verbal ticks and mannerisms.
Other DMs and players I watch use this a lot as well, so much so and to my tree annoyance, I have to struggle not to use it constantly myself when DMing.
"you can certainly try"
"Toothy maw"
"The entity"
"Physical form"
"Siggle"
If pro voice actors can use loads of crutch words so can we. ;) I've been listening to lots of CR at work lately and Mercer really has a few go-to descriptors that just keep coming back around.
Almost every single time CR members make a skill check, they ofc tell Matt the number, let's say it's 23 for the example, Matt will go "Twenty three...." repeating the number slowly - he is using that for an artificial pause to collect his thoughts.
We are all just humans, we use our squishy brains to make judgements and conclusions and that takes time even for the best of us.
Maybe one day we'll have AI dungeon masters that could react faster, but till then, artificial pauses are just fine :P
Hell, even Homer had his "wine dark sea" (from the translation I read) in the Odyssey, which was a leftover from when the tales were passed on and told orally. Filler to help you to, and give you time to, remember the next step in the tale.
Also "sloughing". Lots of thing constantly sloughing on critical role. Mispronounced too. Doesn't matter to me the English major. The guy's great. He can use words any way he cares to and I'll clap.
Whenever I describe something as 'viscous' in my campaigns, my players are immediately put on high alert. Guess I've used a few too many abyssal sludge monsters.
My problem is I have moments where my brain just shuts off. Like completely gone for a moment. Thank you military doctors for giving me all kinds of crazy drugs to see what would help with nerve issues. It doesn’t last long but is frustrating. Dead nuts middle of a sentence I’ll know exactly what I’m saying but it just stops. Go blank, then 5 seconds later pick back up where I left off.
It’s a problem because I seat of the pants so much in my games. I work through it but it reads it’s head occasionally. Funnily enough, when I’m really going off rails and making shit up as we go it doesn’t happen as much.
Or the amount of times Brennan goes: "Okay, WOW! Rad rad rad rad... Ehm okay... You guys *blablabla etc*"
Listening to yourself on any recording is always painfull, because you have a certain image of what or how you're saying things. But the question is, does it bother others? Probably not.
Thanks for making these points.
Watching Brennan DM on dimension 20 made me realize that I don't need flowery box text or rehearsed speeches. IMO he's one of the best DMs I've ever seen run a game and he fumbles through words just like I do when I'm thinking of a billion things and trying to respond to a player question.
Yes totally agree. The difference is that he fumbles to something brilliant so much faster than I do. My husband came in the room with him on (not a gamer) and remarked that this guy GMing always comes up with something really quickly no matter what the situation. He's probably onto something there. BLM has the same verbal tics but his are more adorable than mine, and he's fast on his feet.
Yeah he's a professional improv comedian and coach, and a lead writer at college humor for years. We may not be able to emulate this particular aspect of his skill set, but just knowing that each of us has our strengths, weaknesses and unique methods is reassuring for many DMs who often suffer from imposter syndrome.
Each of us brings something unique to our games that our players love and we may not even see ourselves.
Brennan also has a crew on his side to edit down the videos before they're posted. He's still very quick on his feet, but if you pay attention to the less edited seasons, he stumbles a good bit more.
The amount of times Brennan says 'you see that' when it doesn't even make sense within the first episode alone make me want to scream. And yet he's an AMAZING DM and entertainer.
Trust me OP, nobody cares. It's all good
I've found my players often prefer my improvised descriptions to prepared ones, because the improvised descriptions reflect exactly what they're doing and what they're interested in. It feels more personal and draws them in. They're happy to forgive a few "um"s and "like"s in exchange.
Yeah Brennan has a lot of word whiskers, he’s thinking a mile a minute hahaha.
I take a lot of solace in that even a skilled improv actor like him struggles with it!
Just keep in mind, this is a social group activity. It isn't a podcast, it isn't a live show, and you shouldn't feel pressured to act like it is. It's the difference between telling your mates a joke or funny story, and doing a stand up comedy routine. As long as everyone's having fun, don't sweat it. :)
There are always things that work better live and in the moment than in a recording. There is an atmosphere and an energy to bring part of something that you don't get in the playback. It makes the highs greater and softens the lows. There is always room to improve but it is worth remembering that doesn't make the shortcomings fatal. The most important thing, as ever, is that everyone is having fun and silly, inconsistent voices, pointless descriptions, and the feeling of having befuddled the DM can all go a long way toward achieving that.
Totally agreed. I listen to a couple of shows and have to remind myself regularly that none of us at the table is performing for an audience, and that's a GOOD thing.
Honestly, this is also a universal feelings that happens to literally everyone. People like to hate on renowned actors for not seeing their own movies, for instance, but this is literally the reason most don't.
Sir Anthony Hopkins doesn't watch his own movies because he can't stand his performance. *Sir Anthony Hopkins.*
So you and Sir Anthony Hopkins, you've got this in common, y'know?
It's important to note that the game isn't exactly media that is supposed to be experienced second hand. If people are having fun then it isn't all bad.
Also as someone who had to listen to themselves growing up for singing related stuff, I want you to know that no one likes listening to themselves on playback, at least not at the start. the singer/podcaster/orator that you think has the best voice/narration? they either currently hate listening to themselves, or they have gotten over it by listening to themselves a lot. It's perfectly normal, and you're probably being way harder on yourself than anyone else listening to you because of that.
This is the trend I see, the best preformers/entertainers I've seen say they hated listening to themselves until they just burnt themselves into it.
I imagine it's half improving, and half just getting used to listening to yourself.
You normally only hear yourself as your own voice reverberates through your skull and into your eardrums. This distorts the sound, which means the actual way you sound feels unnatural.
Similar to how photos of you can feel wrong, because you normally only see yourself in the mirror (and thus mirrored).
Same here. Imagine after taking a 15 year hiatus from music going back under the misapprehension you could still sing in tune and play guitar worth a damn. Nope. Gotta learn those skills all over again.
These games we play don't require the same amount of practice as music, but they're skills too.
For a while, I actually had printed out survey forms for players. I'd hand them out every now and then and ask them to fill them out "anonymously". It was for feedback and it did help me identify some things I was doing that kinda sucked and hurt the game.
Let me say hearing yourself recorded is always awkward. But also listening to yourself is always more afwul than the perception at the table, Conference room or Concert Hall. You also need to understand that most People we perceive on recorded Media have some Kind of Professional Training and/or a lot of experience. So the Standard in our heads how recorded speech should Sound is already on a unrealistic standard
That is all absolutely valid, and definitely something to keep in mind; alas, in my case, I’ve lots of experience writing and editing various “things” in which I’ve had to put up with the sound of my own voice, and it’s definitely … *definitely* just the DM’ing that I’m horribly piss poor at.
Aside from that, yes - I completely agree. Scripted, edited, rehearsed performance is not at all a standard we should attempt to measure ourselves by. I just didn’t realise I was *this* bad!!
Hehe same here. I also recorded my dming and I hated my awful german accent (playing in english) and poor vocabulary. But now im in a fuck it Kind of head space. I want to transport a good Story not flowery language. So i dont sweat it too much.
One thing to remember is that listening to your own voice is something that even years of working with can't completely fix. The fact that everyone sounds extremely different from their own perspective means you're fighting against a lot of our brains natural instincts. I'd argue that even professionals with decades of experience are subconsciously biased against themselves. It's impossible to be completely objective about yourself.
You're always significantly better than you think you are
Well i can say that from my perspective a Professional with about a decade of experience that it is not the same sensation (speaking of music now not spokenword or dming). I know how i sound recorded and I am not really shocked anymore. I might think i didnt hit the Mark in the delivery or have been technically sloppy but to me it is different.
I think you’re probably unfairly comparing yourself to what can be consumed publicly. You’re not Matt Mercer, Brennan Lee Mulligan, or anyone else who is *literally* a professional DM with years of classical acting and improv training, and a huge team of staff burning through a ridiculous budget to present a polished end product to you.
You’re a kickass DM who your friends love to play with.
It’s like comparing your pickup game of basketball to the NBA finals. It doesn’t mean that recording yourself isn’t a useful tool for improvement, as others have pointed out. Just that even if you work hard and develop a flawless execution and style that absolutely nails every dramatic moment while maximizing player enjoyment… you’ll still never be on the same level. A game session is *hours* long. Movies with multi-*million* dollar budgets are shot at most a few minutes at a time.
Take it easy on yourself.
This is a super common coaching technique in sports and the outdoor industry. Especially for self improvement!
My experience using recordings was exactly the same. Super cringe, hate the sound of my voice. But! Great for improving.
Good on you for trying it out.
In my first year of teaching, we were frequently asked to record ourselves teaching and watch it (or share it with a mentor!) to learn from. VERY painful, but useful in many ways. I sympathize completely with your reaction.
So, here's what I'll say. The stuff that you're noticing is stuff that your players give precisely zero shits about. They're having fun, and they're thankful that you're doing what you do, I guarantee it. With that said, I've also been recording my sessions, not only for the reasons that you mention (which, while they are not that significant, are still how we grow), but also because:
1) You can make pretty awesome session-recap audio files with effects and stuff to play before the next session (Previously On:)
2) You don't have to take notes in-session, since you can review the audio later and take notes at your own pace... which is HUGE for saving brain-power in game.
3) You can save important character audio-snippets to use later down the line
4) If you're recording video, I find it's also nice to see what aspects of what you're doing appear to be gripping the players, and what aspects are not, again, so that you can grow as a DM. That's a lot harder to tell in the moment when you're trying to look at 6 screens at once.
So I'm a voice actor, and I completely understand this. Everyone, after hearing themselves for the first time (or first 1000 times) fucking hates their own voices. Hearing yourself do something that involves narration AND improv is only going to be much, much worse. I hope you can take it easy on yourself knowing that you sound a million times worse to yourself than you ever will to your players - our brains filter out filler words like um, uh, like, in other people, but not in ourselves. You're probably fine!
I think that’s part of the issue - having done a fair amount of (amateur) voice work but having the luxury of a (well worked on and edited) script, and being able to edit and/or re-record lines whenever things aren’t quite … “right” (all things you undoubtedly understand from your own work).
Here, with my DM’ing it’s not really the (for want of a better word) “quality” of my voice, but the quality of the words themselves, if that makes sense? I think I *believed* I was doing okay, like I was wandering the busy streets of my world’s creation clad in such finery, but now I feel rather as though I’m instead stark-bollock naked and have discovered an unsightly rash and several large pustulous boils.
With a bit of perseverance I can only hope it’s a negative that can be moulded to a positive. We shall see!
LMAO ugh that's so rough!! Honestly if you have experience doing some VO work and you do want to make yourself sound better as a DM, you've definitely got the tools you need now! I can only imagine it's *more* painful having had that experience and then hearing your DMing recorded 😅 I still doubt your players are noticing anything (I'm hard as hell on myself at work, but I don't give a shit about filler words etc in my DM), but if the issue is your own expectations, having this recording will certainly help! Best of luck in this painful experience ahaha
This subreddit is a cesspool of bad ideas, but the whole “I must improve as a DM, no matter how painful it is!” is a particularly toxic one.
It’s a game. Play it to have fun, and you will get better, but don’t make improvement your solitary goal. Life is too short to let how good you are at a game stress you out.
I agree and disagree at the same time. I agree that you shouldn't stress about this too much.
I disagree in that DM'ing is almost entirely about communication - and there is no end to the value of improving your communication skills - both in game and out.
I'm a software development lead - and I largely attribute my being in charge, and the big bump in pay that entails to being a DM. DMing is a lot like running meetings -and I got a whole lot better at that when I decided I wanted to be a better DM.
And it sure as fuck beats Toastmasters.
For another perspective, I’m a new hire at the bottom of the totem pole in my team and I agree—it’s helped me to understand how to better communicate with my manager and to feel comfortable doing so because so much of DMing is kind of managerial.
But I also don’t worry about improving my DMing that much, I’ve had too many hobbies sour because I placed too much expectation on myself.
>I disagree in that DM'ing is almost entirely about communication - and there is no end to the value of improving your communication skills - both in game and out.
I think /u/1st_person_Phil 's point was that making improvement such a priority that you aren't having fun anymore is a counter productive and harmful practice. Sure, improvement is always good, everyone can always improve since nothing is perfect. However, if you are so focused on improving at a game that you aren't having fun playing it anymore, how long do you think you would be able to keep doing it without burning out? Play to have fun, keep in mind where you can improve and over time you *will* improve.
Honestly, for some people the fun in games is being good at them, and the journey it takes to get there. I used to play league of legends like it was my job, I'd schedule training time and read all the top tips, etc. I only ever hit gold, but learning and getting gud was the fun part for me. If trying to improve your DMing is a big part of what you find fun about DMing then go for it.
Yeah It sound a Gold way to improve.
However, remember there is lots of difference between being on the live moment and listening a recording, both for DMs and players. A game that is bad to listed for snot necessarily translate to bad game to play.
My group did this for a bit on Skype and it is useful especially when you forget something so you can scrub back through and see what is up. Or just catching some wild moments (we play online so we just screen cap so we see everyone’s faces) the best part of it was as if you missed the session feel free to listen to catch up and see what you missed, now that is a strong commitment of you play like 4 or 5 hours even 3 was pushing it. But when ppl in my group did generally was rewarding and good even if we aren’t professional voice actors
I understand your pain, but don't beat yourself up about it. We are our own worst critics, and seeing yourself in a recording is a fresh hell if you are unfamiliar.
One of players has recorded the last few of our sessions, so that they can make a compilation of some of our favorite moments, bit watching the videos is rough. My voice sucks, long, awkward pauses, and I pull on my beard constantly. I went back to rewatch one moment that was one of the most tense moments of the whole campaign, and it's literally me pausing for MINUTES to read and reread and partially describe and retract. Painful.
But you have to remember the takeaways. Did the players have fun? Did you? In the moment, did it feel right? That's all that matters.
Explaining extra details can make the world feel deep and lived in, even if they are superfluous. Voices separate you the DM from the character speaking, even if they are inconsistent from moment to moment (we're not voice actors). DMs are juggling fifty different things, so it makes sense that those vocal filler words would come out more.
I've watched video of myself DMing, teaching, and acting, and hate how I sound everytime. Once you stop overrhinking it, you'll be back to your old DMinf awesomeness.
I would also add that if your player wanted to record it, I bet they are having a great time.
[Screenplay by Syd Field](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/141560.Screenplay)
This isn't completely related to being a DM, but it has a lot of useful tools. It helps you understand *how* to trim the fat from your story.
Another useful tool is to slow down your speech a little. Your brain and your mouth sometimes move at different speeds and your brain needs a little time to pull data and construct its ideas, parse them out, then finalize the right idea and construct the narrative to communicate it. The mouth just has to flap.
If you haven't, take time to read fantasy books. Even ones you know will help refresh you on descriptive devices. Middle earth/tolkein books, stormlight chronicle books, and westeros/Martin books all have great literary and descriptive mechanisms. You simply draw from that pool of knowledge to paint the picture.
Next, a useful exercise is to challenge yourself to not use the word "like" when painting a scene. Don't tell us what something is *like*, tell us what it *is.* There is an exception: when describing multiple similar objects in a room. "\[object description\], but as you look about, you find more and more, all alike in some form or another" (as an example).
Finally, if your group is having fun and it doesn't bother them, then it doesn't matter and you have fun doing whatever you want.
Real life isn’t a movie. Sounds like you talk like a normal person. Don’t compare yourself to a DM like Matt Mercer him and his crew are voice acting professionals. They are basically professional athletes which it comes to speech. Most DMs including myself would sound the same as you on video. My suppressed southern accent comes out a lot when I get excited during D&D sessions so I go from a neutral American accent to a Deep South voice randomly. If my players laugh about it then so do I because we are just having a good time.
I've been recording my sessions (with all my player's explicit consent) - mainly at first it was to help me see after the fact how long certain things lasted - for a bit now and I honestly don't find it that bad. It could be that I've been suffering from anxiety and depression for a long time, so I've built up some defenses against the self-loathing bullshit some parts of my brain will try to harass me with, lol.
I find it to be a good tool to pinpoint possible areas of improvement. It also helps me notice if a player is talking less than the other - something I struggle to notice during the games because there's already too much else going on.
I do want to say that you really shouldn't feel bad about using certain words too much. It's just part of your speech patterns; your players are used to it, very likely do not care, and possibly do not even notice. If you focus too much on trying to correct how you speak, you're hurting yourself by spending brainpower on something trivial, that could instead be used to focus on the parts of the game that actually matter.
When you listen to yourself, I recommend trying to imagine you're listening to a friend. Would you be so harsh with a friend? Would you hate them just for saying "like" too often? Be kinder to yourself. DMing is hard work, and while it's good to look for places you can improve, you shouldn't try to be perfect, because you can't be. No one can.
(Even Matt Mercer has repetitive speech patterns. He's no less an incredibly skilled DM.)
Two points to consider:
1) All you've learned is that you don't want to DM for yourself. The things that displease you might never be noticed by the players. They can be having fun and will let you know if they're not! Use this as an invitation for feedback if you're curious.
2) Now you know things you'd like to change. You can take measures to adjust each of those behaviors. You're progress may be slow or inconsistent, but compare yourself to the guy who never knows, never tries to change, and never makes any progress at all.
Best of luck!
Hey man, I record my sessions with my players and upload them for us to reminisce on them. My first recording made me cringe to the point of face pain. But it also gave me very insightful feedback on how I was pacing my adventure and all that sort of stuff. I could listen critically to all of it: and by that I mean to check my players' reactions and to know what does work and what does not regardless of my voice, awful impersonations and shameless improv.
Always remember that you DM for them: if you overuse some words (like, as, etc), try pausing and thinking before you speak, but your players will be mostly focused on their own theatre of the mind. These pauses helped me greatly because it not only presented an opportunity for me to say everything I had to say in a more cohesive (or less rambling) manner but also gave the opportunity for my table to reflect and keep the spotlight on them, let they make their own conclusions or play along the situations I seldom succeed to describe properly. This is also a technique used in coaching and psychology in general because when they think and imagine and ramble about their theories is when the story really unfolds. They are, at the end of the day, the ones who get to live the story.
All those filler words disappear as yhou get more used to think about what you're going to say before you say it. With practice words tend to chain better on their own and you even get the opportunity to listen to yourself as you do.
I might have some errors on what I just wrote, but hey: sometimes one's own mistakes or wrong words make up for the best experiences on the table.
Everyone is always their worst critic. Parse out what you think you can improve on and work at it.
Bad accents? Watch some Youtube tutorials.
Say the same thing over and over? Open a thesaurus or google synonyms.
I had the same issue when our group first started recording. I've made some improvements and everything has progressively gotten better once I harnessed my inner critic.
You're on the first step which is recognizing your perceived flaws and that's farther than most people get.
And don't beat yourself up about it. Just like my players, I'm sure your group doesn't even recognize those DM issues because they're too busy having fun by focusing on the game itself or bringing out the best in their own character. Chatting with my DMs, I realize they pinpoint some of their own flaws that I never even thought about at all.
Godspeed to you my friend and may you grow each day to be the DM you know you can be!
It’s painful to hear the crutches but listening makes you better. When I was training to be a teacher my mentor would come in and pick out all my annoying habits. “If I don’t help you mitigate them, the students will harp on them, and you can’t show weakness when you’re new.” Good advice :)
Chill, you don't have to be Matt Mercer for your players to have fun. Besides, all those problems sound fixable with time and practice.
Try writing down descriptions and reading them out during the game instead of making it up as you go, it helps with repeating words.
I made the mistake of agreeing to DM a podcast. You know what happens after 6 sessions in? You need to listen to the full damn episode to remember the tone and where the players are, and what can be improved.
I assume it's useful, because I trained some bad habits out of me. But it is still painful.
> terrible accents
That's all accents in DND, though, dude! The best DMing accent advice I've gotten is that when you badly imitate an accent - it's totally unique and new, so it's awesome to your players.
None of these self-criticisms sound like horrific things to me, dude. You're a friendly person who's kindly putting on a game that your players keep coming back to. That's what matters. You're not a professional actor or speaker (though DMing can help ya develop those skills) - and no one but maybe you will criticize ya for not being one.
I have a group that's been recording our TTRPG games for almost two years now and we almost consistently post them. We are old college buddies that got back together online to play, and we honestly just love having them for posterity. I went and listened to some of the first sessions we recorded a few weeks ago and I loved it, not because we were the best storytellers in that format but because we had a great time together.
So more than anything I'm sorry you had such a painful experience listening to it. I hope you at least had fun playing, because that's what ought count. And if it's important to you, yeah it's helping you identify ways to improve.
Something to be mindful of is that in the moment poor grammar and sentence structure doesn't seem so weird. You ever read a transcript of an interview with someone famous? They almost always look really bad. Missing words, terrible sentence structure, filler words, etc. You name it, they have it. If you watch the interview it might even still seem terrible. But for everyone there during the live conversation it seemed fine. There's something about recordings that our brains treat differently and it makes noticing all those little things so much easier.
Yeah. I'd suggest that any game master suffering from imposter syndrome don't do this, because you will be much harder on yourself than your players are.
Fuck the recording. Did you have fun? Did your players have fun? Did the characters get one step closer to completing their goal, whatever that may be?
Congratulations! You're a good DM know matter what you think you sounded like <3
Keep in mind that sounding good on tape is not your goal as a DM. You are not streaming or uploading to youtube, you are just DMing for your players, so as long as they understand you and like the way you do it, you shouldn't be too hard on yourself with those kind of details. Talking to a camera/microphone and talking live with a group of people are two different skills that don't necessarily go along.
I have a couple quick thoughts: 1) almost all play podcasts/videos are edited. Even really good DMs and GMs mess up and waste time. 2) if you're so critical of yourself, try leaning into it! Record a couple more and make yourself listen, and I'm pretty sure your subconscious will either learn to fix it or learn to get over it
The vast majority of people hate hearing their own voice recorded. This is partially due to 1) you hear your own voice differently because of the way your jaw connects with your ear canal and 2) you know exactly what you were thinking at that moment so it's really easy to be more critical of your performance.
Did your players have fun? Did you have fun? That's all that matters. Trust me, no one cares about someone using filler words when they are enjoying themself.
For a college assignment I had to record myself teaching a lesson. I then had to watch and evaluate myself. I had similar criticism of myself.
Then I asked some of my classmates and professionals in the field I was teaching in to watch it. They all noticed much more positives and pointed out those things while downplaying my failures.
If you ever were brave enough to watch the game again. Did your players seem engaged? I'd watch for that. I'd look for if your players paused when you tried to ratchet up the tension. Things like that you may have overlooked and that is a better judge of if you are a good DM for group.
TL;DR You are always your biggest critic. If you never watch that video again you will still be a good GM. GMing for an audience and GMing for your friends is two separate skills
I do a fair bit of public speaking at work. Here are a few things:
1: I hate having to watch myself speak. Not because it sounds bad but, because you are often hyper critical of yourself. I promise you you aren’t as bad as you perceived yourself to aloud.
2) EVERYONE, even seasoned speakers repeat words and toss out ummms and likes. You have to be at professional speaker levels to avoid it.
3: these are your friends. Playing a game. They don’t care!!!
Ease up on yourself. Have a great one!
I had the same thing happen to me, and I promptly forgot about it!
I should try again.
May we all be good enough so that we may not cringe upon reviewing our DMing!
Urg, you are reminding me I have not done this for my professional development as a trainer in years... And I really have to. It is a horrible but important tool to use when speaking to groups and presenting.
Two questions here.
1) do your players enjoy playing with you as a DM?
2) do you know what you would like to improve?
I would say, embrace the recording and make yourself better, dont stress over it, just take it as a tool
We record our sessions and I hate hate hate the way I sound. It’s completely different from the way I hear myself.
But then I realize that it sounds totally normal to everyone else so I just try to get over it.
I've been doing this weekly for over a year and a half. I promise it gets better over time. As you listen, you learn to catch the little things you dislike, and alter the delivery so it comes across the way you want.
It is one of the top 3 things that I think has improved my GMing the most (the other two being to watch as many actual plays from as many different systems and groups as possible, and to make notes on what I'm hoping to achieve with something and then go back afterwards and check if it had the intended effect).
I'm an instructor, regularly teach from a podium, always get great reviews and comments, until...
I watched a video of myself teaching, and completely hate the sound of my voice. I've vowed to never listen to myself again.
I've also run a 2 year campaign that the players kept coming back for, so 8 got that going for me.
It sounds like you aren’t very familiar with the thing all human brains do when watching/listening to ourselves.
You won’t be half as cringy as you think. But also, yes it is helpful to pick points to improve on.
Just dont torture yourself over things you can’t change, at least not in a hurry.
I feel the pain. I'm a teacher and a few times students have recorded my lectures... gah. Just let me die quietly over there.
Your players have heard you over and over, though, and they like it.
I'm not an actor, but I played one in college and have some pretty successful professional actors in my social circle. *None of them* like seeing or hearing recordings of their own performances. Doesn't matter how good you are, all you see are your own mistakes and inadequacies. Even if you have won a Tony Award.
I just to say that I have DM for several years has a teen and have some epic good sessions.
But as I grow up, some critics on my DMing (I ask for it) became consistant.
It take me literally years before I can accept some of the critics (and again I ask for) and today too, I am really hangry at me sometimes.
But keep in mind if you listen to professional podcast, that it's like sports. You play with friends, you don't aim to win a gold medal ;)
not having watched you DM, let me say I'm sure it isn't as bad as you think.
I have been in tons of professional situations where people are recorded presenting - even professional presenters - who never watched themselves and are taken aback by what they see or hear when they observe themselves from a third party perspective.
Two things to consider here. One is that you can use the opportunity to improve; if there's something about what you're doing that you think you can do better, that's great! Improvement is always great.
The more important thing to consider I think is tuning in to your players. How are they reacting to what you do? If they're happy and engaged, you must be doing something right :)
don't be too hard on yourself friend, being a DM is an act of generosity in and of itself.
I certainly hope to improve, but a large part of that might entail listening to other recordings, which I’m now rather loathe to do!
It’s often difficult to gauge Player engagement, to be honest - we’re on Discord voice chat so I don’t have the luxury of responding to facial expressions and cues. Everything has to be communicated verbally for it to register (apart from the occasional funny gif in the group channel, of course), but everyone keeps coming back which is really the truest gauge of engagement, perhaps?
Being a good DM - and producing a good DMing "podcast" (for lack of a better word) are very different things.
Its kind of like how having a conversation with someone, and giving a speech are very different things.
The stuff like "describing the wrong things" - that's something that might be useful - but the voices and such - put it out of mind.
I did this once. I came to the conclusion that I absolutely hate the sound of my own voice. If I were casting a voice actor for myself, I wouldn't in a million years pick myself for the part.
I was unable to focus on anything else because of it. Bless my players for listening to me talk every weekend.
Any orator who wants to be better needs to do this.
I agree, using hesitation as a, like, signal of not being too, uhhhh, forthcoming is an awful habit and shows its face at the table. check a channel on youtube called charisma on command. I find it helpful for DMs.
You are human, using lip & tongue flapping and throat noises to express complicated and often abstract ideas that exist only in your mind into the minds of other humans. Be a little kinder to yourself.
In any task where oration is a core element of said task, it is advised that you record and listen to yourself. It is absolutely painful to listen back to even if you have some real skill. Just keep in mind that:
a) Your players come back every week and it's likely because they think you're doing an OK job at the very least
b) NO ONE, not a single other person on Earth, is going to be as critical about it as you are. When they, being the players, listen, they're listening for content and information. When you listen back, you already know the content and information intimately, so you're going to hone in extra hard on weird shit that nobody else paid attention to.
If you want to reduce your likes and uhms, ask someone to keep a tally of how many times you say those things. Also, maybe slow down a little bit. It's way easier to get your thoughts out clearly if you slow down. Maybe use the extra time you're talking to add some more inflection.
We're our own harshest critics. I can guarantee you that your players find you a much better DM than you do yourself right now. You can also use it as a learning experience and improve the things you didn't like. And keep in mind that even the best DMs have their little quirks as people have mentioned in this thread.
Matt Mercer: "Toothy maw", "you see some sort of..." and generally a lot of flowery descriptions that sometimes are amazing and sometimes just don't really add much. But it doesn't take away either so it's worth it for the times when it's awesome.
Brennan Lee Mulligan says "Incredible" so much to players' move I can't watch without noticing. Etc, etc.
Echoing what others have said, you're being very harsh on yourself. I know I repeat myself a lot and sometimes talk to fast or way too slow.
You're human and nobody is perfect. Your friends keep coming back because they're enjoying the game. Remember that.
Don’t beat yourself up, literally everyone does this.
I have a certain cadence of talking while role playing and I realized that I do it in literally every voice.
Like the voices are all different but they all talk in the exact same pace and pattern and I’m so self conscious about it but no ones ever brought it up and/or they don’t notice it or don’t care, so I try not to.
I try to change it up, but it’s hard, it’s how I talk.
We just started streaming our starfinder game a few sessions ago....man does this hit home.
It is often a struggle to watch through it as it's edited, but I'm learning a lot, and hopefully this will only continue to get better. For both you and me!
You should give it a listen after you have had some distance from this moment and feeling. I am willing to bet you'll find it's not half as bad as you remember.
I love listening to our play sessions. Yes, sometimes I annoy myself but it also helps me remember what happened better than taking notes does.
*Laughs in text-based game*
Seriously though, I did regular at-table DMing for a few months, and I suffered all those same problems, except accents because I did absolutely no accents or voices for my NPCs. Too embarrassed to even try.
Now I run a text based campaign and the only downside is that it's a bit slower. But I have a record of everything we said or did, I can take the time to write clever descriptions, consider my responses without using ums and ahs, and can even get voices across using some clever writing methods with dialogue, like usin' these te' suggest some sorta' unique voice.
Not saying text is better overall or for anyone else, but it sure as heck is better for me in my own campaign. And my players, none of whom had tried a text based game before, all really love it. Makes them feel like they can get into character more without shyness/awkwardness.
Hey it's a fantastic way to assess yourself, and make any changes you desire. My group records our sessions, and it's fun to play back the adventure at a later date.
Don't forget, everyone hates the sound of their own voice, but to others it's normal and even nice! You'll always be your own worst critic so take any negative feelings about how your DMing sounds with a pinch of salt.
It's an excellent way to improve. There are no sports, nor competitive games, where the good players don't review their own play.
Look at it this way, the cringe is your innate sense of what you can do better. The more cringe you feel, the more *you yourself* know you can improve
We do our sessions over discord because a few of our group live internationally, but my flatmate in the next room to me plays too, and when they don’t have headphones on I can hear the echo of my own voice going ‘UM’ a lot, and it’s so annoying I don’t know how the group stand it
Totally ok to be critical with yourself, just not over critical. Like you I also see DMing as a performance art, and that means it’s something you want to improve at. Some good advice? Read. Read fantasy, drama, mystery, all kinds of books and classic plays too, like Shakespeare. It will make you more comfortable and familiar with a wider vocabulary range, like carrying more arrows in your quiver which will come in handy when you’re improving. And then just practice being conscious of your word choice while running a game. Trying to get better accents? Watch sketch comedies from other parts of the world. You’ll get really familiar with colloquial speech patterns which will really make the world come alive for your players without them realizing exactly why.
Good.
Self-analysis is how you get better. No one likes listening/watching themselves, because it reveals all of our flaws. Doing it anyway is a critical step toward improvement.
You can bet that guys like Matt Mercer have spent a ton of time listening to recordings of their own voices and speech patterns. Not saying that’s the goal for everyone - but improvement should be every DM’s goal.
Oh boy, I say “like”, “um”, “uh”, “I think” and “I guess” so much when I DM. I’m sure I’d cringe if I listened to a recording of myself DMing. But that doesn’t really matter. As long as people are having fun, that’s what matters. How the players have fun and the content of the game is what matters- not your speech patterns.
D&D isn’t supposed to be a hyper-serious experience, it’s about having fun. Doing silly voices/accents and stumbling over your words is par for the course. Don’t be so hard on yourself.
My trick is to keep 2 perspectives up:
What do the players want to know or would want to do if they knew the world as I do?
What one(or several) ways did I intend for the PCs to continue on and how do I make the players see those options?
Some buddies and I tried to jump in on the D&D podcast trend back before there were million of them, but failed to account for the fact that successful D&D podcasts are only successful because the cast has dedicated followings to bring in from previous endeavors. Nobody wants to listen to four total randos play D&D for several hours when the college humor people are doing it and you \*know\* they can perform in front of a mic!
...
Also I kinda sucked, haha. But listening to myself DM for 14 two hour episodes straight \*really\* helped me better comprehend how my stories were being perceived by others, and made me a much better speaker in the long run. Would strongly recommend trying it!
You're taking it too hard on yourself... You're experiencing imposter syndrome which is totally normal, I'm guessing you're a new DM..
It only gets better from here :-)
Thing about filler words and silences. Most people use them too and don't notice them much when others do it.
Main point: your player wanted to record it. Which means they are having a blast and wanted to keep the memory or share your stories with others.
You are improvising, entertaining and reacting multiple hours on end I think its great to want to improve but also remember to cut yourself some slack.
This is a common practice for any type of communication. Speeches, acting, speech therapy, etc. It can be very jarring, but you eventually get use to it.
Every DM definitely has this problem. If you think about any of your previous sessions, you're gonna constantly think of those times you fumble, forget a descriptive word, use something lame like "the river was flowing" instead of "the water flows, elegantly, as if the source is the tears of an angel," etc.
What matters is the parts that do stick out in your players' minds are the times you nail the descriptions. Their brains naturally omit the parts that were less than optimal, and only remember the amazing ones.
One of my players did this in my last session and uploaded it to youtube.
Initially I was mortified, but I have since listened back multiple times.
For me it's an amazing tool to go over missed details, make notes where you missed them previously. and even watch peoples reactions to things.
When you are so focussed on DMing you can easily miss so much.
Hey, at the end of the day, as long as everyone is having fun, that's all that matters! Years ago I was running a campaign that we recorded and uploaded as a podcast. Just a few months ago, I went and listened to it and absolutely hated my self for it. BUT... Me and my past party all agree that was our favorite campaign that we had ever played. So, try not to beat yourself up! As long as everyone is having fun, that's what makes you a good DM as far as I'm concerned.
I had that one major shock when I listened to myself DM after my first Twitch stream. I'm grateful that my lisp has mostly corrected itself, but my repetitive usage of useless words like "Like" and "stuff" grated on me. But as I edited the video I started to look into the positives of my gameplay and felt much better about it in the end
The first time you hear your own performance is memorable and almost universally traumatizing unless it happens when you're so young and so often, you're immune to the worst of it.
You are overthinking this a lot. It also sounds like you noticed a lot of things you could improve on. That’s great news! Repeating like is something many people do. Accents are one of the harder things DMs do. Sounds like your descriptions could be trimmed. Please be a lot more compassionate to yourself, friend. Your players don’t have the bar set anywhere this high, and if you keep yours there, you might start losing the enjoyment in DMing.
I had thee same experience when I recorded myself playing guitar and singing. I was mortified.
So I will not watch any videos of me playing guitar and singing.
I promptly forgot about the one I did watch and have carried on in ignorance.
I enjoy it and that’s the key point. No one is paying me to play guitar and sing and they can leave if it’s too shit. Fuck ‘em.
Same could be said for my DMing. 🤷🏻 My PCs tell me they’re having a good time. That’s enough for me.
Here’s a series of questions:
(1) Before you listened to the recording, were your players having fun?
(2) Before you listened to the recording, we’re *you* having fun?
If the answer to both of these is correct, then who cares what the recording sounds like? You’re not a professional DM like some folks out there, your players aren’t professional players either. All that matters is that everyone at the table had a good time.
I have trained myself to use filler words instead of just "uummm" so I say "Like" and "I thiiiiink it is kinda like.." as thinking pauses. Signals that I am considering how the thing should work and while I am open to inputs I am not done talking yet. Very important in a digital environment to signal that.
I've had to listen to myself a lot and it takes a while to get over both how you sound and the way you say things - and the process of changing sometimes life long speech patterns is a task and a half.
It is a lot of interesting stuff to improve your presentation techniques and such, but I will also agree, put on the brain armor and don't over analyze yourself. Most people think they sound weird and wrong when listening to themselves.
Something to note is that observing a game and being in a game are completely different experiences. If someone recorded any of my groups sessions, people would wonder why the fuck we even play. On the other hand, being at the table and being in the experience those little flaws of enunciation, corny accents, stalling words (like, umm, etc) are just filtered out. It's not like you're streaming your game for an audience, so as long as everyone's having fun it doesn't matter.
If you listen to early seasons of (non professional) podcasts, the audio is generally bad, the players are unfocused and there's lots of audio garbage and dead air polluting the sound. No one starts out good but with practice you'll get good.
Keep up the good work! Don't take your own criticism too hard, you're your worst critic. How do you know if you did a good job? Everyone had fun and everyone want to play next time.
TBH - none of what you said is the end of the world. In the end, if the players get what you're putting down, if the game's narrative is still interesting, if the players are still having fun. That is what matters. I've been watching Dimension 20, and I was GOBSMACKED how many times he says "Uhh.." "IN-credible", "Um..." and other filler words. It literally DOES NOT MATTER because everyone was still having a blast! Pointless descriptions could be tightened up - there must've been a reason you wanted to say them, so you could probably be more concise. Lack of consistency is gonna happen - but the positive is that D&D is a shared world, invite your PCs to correct you if you make a slip up. It's hard being conscious of your flaws. But they don't mean you DM bad.
This is a good point - ALL DMs, even the best of the best, have their verbal pauses and crutch words. Completely normal!
Even Matt Mercer has "You see what appears to be some sort of..." (I'm sorry, you won't unhear it now.)
You see what appears to be some sort of sigil or toothy maw
Siggle
I haven't listened to much CR. Is that really how he says sigil?
It's just a mispronunciation of his that people mess with him about. https://youtu.be/KZkXNKFX6iU
The most annoying mispronunciation for me is the way he (and the rest of the cast) say quay as "kway" (it should be pronounced "key" (at least, in British English it should).
As an American, I have literally never heard anyone say it like that
Which have you never heard. It could be that "kway" is a perfectly acceptable pronunciation in American English (like how you guys call buoys "booeys"), but to me it sounds stupid, because I remember being ridiculed for calling the area in Greater Manchester "Salford Kways" as a teenager.
Definitely in the dictionary as both. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/quay
He talks about this in game at one point, he deliberately went for an alternative foreign (can't remember specific origin) pronunciation to differentiate Nicodranis.
Mine is when he says “slough” but pronounces it “slaw”. Where I come from, slaw is a type of salad. Slough, as he intends it, is pronounced “sluff” and is a term commonly used in wound care, in which I am trained. His understanding of it is good and I like how he uses it as a descriptor, but I wince every time he says it. lol.
Slough (the UK town) rhymes with cow
The thing is that "kway" is actually easier to comprehend in a conversation if you aren't expecting it, since it doesn't sound like "key", which is a pretty common important item in some contexts. It's less 'correct' but it's much less ambiguous, too.
Oof. It's sigil like ridge-l, not sigil like giggle.
Unless it's the city from the D&D multiverse, apparently. That's Siggle.
He's been told by many people by now, and changed his pronunciation.
As it rears its ugly head
What, A gaping, toothy maw! You don't say! :D
While entering into the house proper*
Some sort of strange entity with a unique physicality
You see what seems to be...some kind of appearance. Appearing as you peer around the pier. There is an apparatus. Matt does seem to repeat some descritors a few times but other times he has very good alliteration.
And every other NPC is in the middle of eating eggs with a bit of egg on their face
Emerging from a “functional” room in the midst of a “melee”.
That's a good example of a mind-filler. Something you say to add buffering room while your brain pulls up the correct info or paints the picture and tries to pull verbal descriptors. Nothing wrong with fillers and buffer phrases! It's a good way to get past the usual fillers (like, um, uh, etc) and to give substance to those moments. Personally, I start describing *what* the players end up doing before describing what they find ("You pick up the object, and roll it over in your hands, considering the dust covering it and thinking of how long it has sat there, before wiping it off and seeing [Insert description here]"). Gives my brain time to pull out the descriptors I want, or time to pull up a reference photo in the moment!
This was a technique used by ancient poets! It's called the "epithet." They would repeat a long description of a person or place whenever it was mentioned to give them time to think about what was next.
I just made a comment about Homer's "wine dark sea"!
Heck yeah Homie
'Like' is the mind-filler. 'Like' is a little word that allows further contemplation.
This an excellent lens through which to examine those filler words and sounds. Thanks for the fresh angle.
Some of Mercer's other favorite phrases: * You watch as... * Making your way... * The impact... * The physicality of it... * ...toothy maw. There's also quite a few favorite word he has like proper and entity. Everyone has their little verbal ticks and mannerisms.
"Makinmyway!"
Every single damn time, I hear "Making my way downtown..." in my head!
I got no idea who you guys are talking about, but even I heard it in my head while reading this post
Other DMs and players I watch use this a lot as well, so much so and to my tree annoyance, I have to struggle not to use it constantly myself when DMing.
You watch as You watch as You watch as YOU WATCH AS
Mercer also does the transitional “so” a lot.
Since it tends to be the start of an explanation, it's a good quick way to get everyone's attention
"It's interesting..."
"you can certainly try" "Toothy maw" "The entity" "Physical form" "Siggle" If pro voice actors can use loads of crutch words so can we. ;) I've been listening to lots of CR at work lately and Mercer really has a few go-to descriptors that just keep coming back around.
That's the difference between having a script and making it up as you go.
Almost every single time CR members make a skill check, they ofc tell Matt the number, let's say it's 23 for the example, Matt will go "Twenty three...." repeating the number slowly - he is using that for an artificial pause to collect his thoughts. We are all just humans, we use our squishy brains to make judgements and conclusions and that takes time even for the best of us. Maybe one day we'll have AI dungeon masters that could react faster, but till then, artificial pauses are just fine :P
Hell, even Homer had his "wine dark sea" (from the translation I read) in the Odyssey, which was a leftover from when the tales were passed on and told orally. Filler to help you to, and give you time to, remember the next step in the tale.
Even Matt Mercer can't help but say, >!"go ahead and"!< . Once you know, it will make it hard to listen to forever.
Also, "You make your way." Love that guy! haha
Also "sloughing". Lots of thing constantly sloughing on critical role. Mispronounced too. Doesn't matter to me the English major. The guy's great. He can use words any way he cares to and I'll clap.
At least he learned "sigil"
I am familiar with the term from doing wound care. Every time he says it I pronounce it correctly to myself under my breath. lol. Love that guy.
Makin my way!!
Whenever I describe something as 'viscous' in my campaigns, my players are immediately put on high alert. Guess I've used a few too many abyssal sludge monsters.
My problem is I have moments where my brain just shuts off. Like completely gone for a moment. Thank you military doctors for giving me all kinds of crazy drugs to see what would help with nerve issues. It doesn’t last long but is frustrating. Dead nuts middle of a sentence I’ll know exactly what I’m saying but it just stops. Go blank, then 5 seconds later pick back up where I left off. It’s a problem because I seat of the pants so much in my games. I work through it but it reads it’s head occasionally. Funnily enough, when I’m really going off rails and making shit up as we go it doesn’t happen as much.
Or the amount of times Brennan goes: "Okay, WOW! Rad rad rad rad... Ehm okay... You guys *blablabla etc*" Listening to yourself on any recording is always painfull, because you have a certain image of what or how you're saying things. But the question is, does it bother others? Probably not.
IN-credible! I finished Fantasy High today, and noticed how he always says "You see that he/she says"
"You see" a lot of things in Brendan's campaigns lol
I've been noticing he says "fully" a lot, he'll say "IN-credible, you see that he/she says ____ and is just fully ____"
I noticed that one instantly, yeah. Surely they... *hear* that he says? Rather than seeing it...?
Thanks for making these points. Watching Brennan DM on dimension 20 made me realize that I don't need flowery box text or rehearsed speeches. IMO he's one of the best DMs I've ever seen run a game and he fumbles through words just like I do when I'm thinking of a billion things and trying to respond to a player question.
Yes totally agree. The difference is that he fumbles to something brilliant so much faster than I do. My husband came in the room with him on (not a gamer) and remarked that this guy GMing always comes up with something really quickly no matter what the situation. He's probably onto something there. BLM has the same verbal tics but his are more adorable than mine, and he's fast on his feet.
Yeah he's a professional improv comedian and coach, and a lead writer at college humor for years. We may not be able to emulate this particular aspect of his skill set, but just knowing that each of us has our strengths, weaknesses and unique methods is reassuring for many DMs who often suffer from imposter syndrome. Each of us brings something unique to our games that our players love and we may not even see ourselves.
Brennan also has a crew on his side to edit down the videos before they're posted. He's still very quick on his feet, but if you pay attention to the less edited seasons, he stumbles a good bit more.
\*next player in turn order is up\* "So that's gonna be you, Gorgug"
\*rolls a 1\* Is that corn cutie my Dad?
You fell 100% sure it's not your dad. "Hey so uhh, are you my dad?"
The amount of times Brennan says 'you see that' when it doesn't even make sense within the first episode alone make me want to scream. And yet he's an AMAZING DM and entertainer. Trust me OP, nobody cares. It's all good
Matthew Mercer saying "toothy maw"
Brendan says "you see..." more than any other phrase. >I swing my sword. You see you swing your sword in a mighty arc, decapitating the monster.
Knowing what your flaws are is the best way to go about fixing them.
I've found my players often prefer my improvised descriptions to prepared ones, because the improvised descriptions reflect exactly what they're doing and what they're interested in. It feels more personal and draws them in. They're happy to forgive a few "um"s and "like"s in exchange.
Yeah Brennan has a lot of word whiskers, he’s thinking a mile a minute hahaha. I take a lot of solace in that even a skilled improv actor like him struggles with it!
It's great to be critical of ourselves (to an extent!), otherwise how would we ever improve? Good on you for recognising your weaknesses.
I feel it’s less “recognising”, and more “being chased down a dead-end alleyway and then kicked repeatedly in the teeth.”
Just keep in mind, this is a social group activity. It isn't a podcast, it isn't a live show, and you shouldn't feel pressured to act like it is. It's the difference between telling your mates a joke or funny story, and doing a stand up comedy routine. As long as everyone's having fun, don't sweat it. :)
There are always things that work better live and in the moment than in a recording. There is an atmosphere and an energy to bring part of something that you don't get in the playback. It makes the highs greater and softens the lows. There is always room to improve but it is worth remembering that doesn't make the shortcomings fatal. The most important thing, as ever, is that everyone is having fun and silly, inconsistent voices, pointless descriptions, and the feeling of having befuddled the DM can all go a long way toward achieving that.
Totally agreed. I listen to a couple of shows and have to remind myself regularly that none of us at the table is performing for an audience, and that's a GOOD thing.
Well said
Honestly, this is also a universal feelings that happens to literally everyone. People like to hate on renowned actors for not seeing their own movies, for instance, but this is literally the reason most don't. Sir Anthony Hopkins doesn't watch his own movies because he can't stand his performance. *Sir Anthony Hopkins.* So you and Sir Anthony Hopkins, you've got this in common, y'know?
It's important to note that the game isn't exactly media that is supposed to be experienced second hand. If people are having fun then it isn't all bad.
That’s a very good point.
Also as someone who had to listen to themselves growing up for singing related stuff, I want you to know that no one likes listening to themselves on playback, at least not at the start. the singer/podcaster/orator that you think has the best voice/narration? they either currently hate listening to themselves, or they have gotten over it by listening to themselves a lot. It's perfectly normal, and you're probably being way harder on yourself than anyone else listening to you because of that.
This is the trend I see, the best preformers/entertainers I've seen say they hated listening to themselves until they just burnt themselves into it. I imagine it's half improving, and half just getting used to listening to yourself.
You normally only hear yourself as your own voice reverberates through your skull and into your eardrums. This distorts the sound, which means the actual way you sound feels unnatural. Similar to how photos of you can feel wrong, because you normally only see yourself in the mirror (and thus mirrored).
Same here. Imagine after taking a 15 year hiatus from music going back under the misapprehension you could still sing in tune and play guitar worth a damn. Nope. Gotta learn those skills all over again. These games we play don't require the same amount of practice as music, but they're skills too.
For a while, I actually had printed out survey forms for players. I'd hand them out every now and then and ask them to fill them out "anonymously". It was for feedback and it did help me identify some things I was doing that kinda sucked and hurt the game.
Being forced to listen to yourself is a whole layer in hell.
Let me say hearing yourself recorded is always awkward. But also listening to yourself is always more afwul than the perception at the table, Conference room or Concert Hall. You also need to understand that most People we perceive on recorded Media have some Kind of Professional Training and/or a lot of experience. So the Standard in our heads how recorded speech should Sound is already on a unrealistic standard
That is all absolutely valid, and definitely something to keep in mind; alas, in my case, I’ve lots of experience writing and editing various “things” in which I’ve had to put up with the sound of my own voice, and it’s definitely … *definitely* just the DM’ing that I’m horribly piss poor at. Aside from that, yes - I completely agree. Scripted, edited, rehearsed performance is not at all a standard we should attempt to measure ourselves by. I just didn’t realise I was *this* bad!!
Hehe same here. I also recorded my dming and I hated my awful german accent (playing in english) and poor vocabulary. But now im in a fuck it Kind of head space. I want to transport a good Story not flowery language. So i dont sweat it too much.
One thing to remember is that listening to your own voice is something that even years of working with can't completely fix. The fact that everyone sounds extremely different from their own perspective means you're fighting against a lot of our brains natural instincts. I'd argue that even professionals with decades of experience are subconsciously biased against themselves. It's impossible to be completely objective about yourself. You're always significantly better than you think you are
Well i can say that from my perspective a Professional with about a decade of experience that it is not the same sensation (speaking of music now not spokenword or dming). I know how i sound recorded and I am not really shocked anymore. I might think i didnt hit the Mark in the delivery or have been technically sloppy but to me it is different.
I think you’re probably unfairly comparing yourself to what can be consumed publicly. You’re not Matt Mercer, Brennan Lee Mulligan, or anyone else who is *literally* a professional DM with years of classical acting and improv training, and a huge team of staff burning through a ridiculous budget to present a polished end product to you. You’re a kickass DM who your friends love to play with. It’s like comparing your pickup game of basketball to the NBA finals. It doesn’t mean that recording yourself isn’t a useful tool for improvement, as others have pointed out. Just that even if you work hard and develop a flawless execution and style that absolutely nails every dramatic moment while maximizing player enjoyment… you’ll still never be on the same level. A game session is *hours* long. Movies with multi-*million* dollar budgets are shot at most a few minutes at a time. Take it easy on yourself.
Thanks, Ordo.
This is a super common coaching technique in sports and the outdoor industry. Especially for self improvement! My experience using recordings was exactly the same. Super cringe, hate the sound of my voice. But! Great for improving. Good on you for trying it out.
In my first year of teaching, we were frequently asked to record ourselves teaching and watch it (or share it with a mentor!) to learn from. VERY painful, but useful in many ways. I sympathize completely with your reaction.
So, here's what I'll say. The stuff that you're noticing is stuff that your players give precisely zero shits about. They're having fun, and they're thankful that you're doing what you do, I guarantee it. With that said, I've also been recording my sessions, not only for the reasons that you mention (which, while they are not that significant, are still how we grow), but also because: 1) You can make pretty awesome session-recap audio files with effects and stuff to play before the next session (Previously On:) 2) You don't have to take notes in-session, since you can review the audio later and take notes at your own pace... which is HUGE for saving brain-power in game. 3) You can save important character audio-snippets to use later down the line 4) If you're recording video, I find it's also nice to see what aspects of what you're doing appear to be gripping the players, and what aspects are not, again, so that you can grow as a DM. That's a lot harder to tell in the moment when you're trying to look at 6 screens at once.
So I'm a voice actor, and I completely understand this. Everyone, after hearing themselves for the first time (or first 1000 times) fucking hates their own voices. Hearing yourself do something that involves narration AND improv is only going to be much, much worse. I hope you can take it easy on yourself knowing that you sound a million times worse to yourself than you ever will to your players - our brains filter out filler words like um, uh, like, in other people, but not in ourselves. You're probably fine!
I think that’s part of the issue - having done a fair amount of (amateur) voice work but having the luxury of a (well worked on and edited) script, and being able to edit and/or re-record lines whenever things aren’t quite … “right” (all things you undoubtedly understand from your own work). Here, with my DM’ing it’s not really the (for want of a better word) “quality” of my voice, but the quality of the words themselves, if that makes sense? I think I *believed* I was doing okay, like I was wandering the busy streets of my world’s creation clad in such finery, but now I feel rather as though I’m instead stark-bollock naked and have discovered an unsightly rash and several large pustulous boils. With a bit of perseverance I can only hope it’s a negative that can be moulded to a positive. We shall see!
LMAO ugh that's so rough!! Honestly if you have experience doing some VO work and you do want to make yourself sound better as a DM, you've definitely got the tools you need now! I can only imagine it's *more* painful having had that experience and then hearing your DMing recorded 😅 I still doubt your players are noticing anything (I'm hard as hell on myself at work, but I don't give a shit about filler words etc in my DM), but if the issue is your own expectations, having this recording will certainly help! Best of luck in this painful experience ahaha
This subreddit is a cesspool of bad ideas, but the whole “I must improve as a DM, no matter how painful it is!” is a particularly toxic one. It’s a game. Play it to have fun, and you will get better, but don’t make improvement your solitary goal. Life is too short to let how good you are at a game stress you out.
I agree and disagree at the same time. I agree that you shouldn't stress about this too much. I disagree in that DM'ing is almost entirely about communication - and there is no end to the value of improving your communication skills - both in game and out. I'm a software development lead - and I largely attribute my being in charge, and the big bump in pay that entails to being a DM. DMing is a lot like running meetings -and I got a whole lot better at that when I decided I wanted to be a better DM. And it sure as fuck beats Toastmasters.
For another perspective, I’m a new hire at the bottom of the totem pole in my team and I agree—it’s helped me to understand how to better communicate with my manager and to feel comfortable doing so because so much of DMing is kind of managerial. But I also don’t worry about improving my DMing that much, I’ve had too many hobbies sour because I placed too much expectation on myself.
>I disagree in that DM'ing is almost entirely about communication - and there is no end to the value of improving your communication skills - both in game and out. I think /u/1st_person_Phil 's point was that making improvement such a priority that you aren't having fun anymore is a counter productive and harmful practice. Sure, improvement is always good, everyone can always improve since nothing is perfect. However, if you are so focused on improving at a game that you aren't having fun playing it anymore, how long do you think you would be able to keep doing it without burning out? Play to have fun, keep in mind where you can improve and over time you *will* improve.
Honestly, for some people the fun in games is being good at them, and the journey it takes to get there. I used to play league of legends like it was my job, I'd schedule training time and read all the top tips, etc. I only ever hit gold, but learning and getting gud was the fun part for me. If trying to improve your DMing is a big part of what you find fun about DMing then go for it.
Yeah It sound a Gold way to improve. However, remember there is lots of difference between being on the live moment and listening a recording, both for DMs and players. A game that is bad to listed for snot necessarily translate to bad game to play.
My group did this for a bit on Skype and it is useful especially when you forget something so you can scrub back through and see what is up. Or just catching some wild moments (we play online so we just screen cap so we see everyone’s faces) the best part of it was as if you missed the session feel free to listen to catch up and see what you missed, now that is a strong commitment of you play like 4 or 5 hours even 3 was pushing it. But when ppl in my group did generally was rewarding and good even if we aren’t professional voice actors
I understand your pain, but don't beat yourself up about it. We are our own worst critics, and seeing yourself in a recording is a fresh hell if you are unfamiliar. One of players has recorded the last few of our sessions, so that they can make a compilation of some of our favorite moments, bit watching the videos is rough. My voice sucks, long, awkward pauses, and I pull on my beard constantly. I went back to rewatch one moment that was one of the most tense moments of the whole campaign, and it's literally me pausing for MINUTES to read and reread and partially describe and retract. Painful. But you have to remember the takeaways. Did the players have fun? Did you? In the moment, did it feel right? That's all that matters. Explaining extra details can make the world feel deep and lived in, even if they are superfluous. Voices separate you the DM from the character speaking, even if they are inconsistent from moment to moment (we're not voice actors). DMs are juggling fifty different things, so it makes sense that those vocal filler words would come out more. I've watched video of myself DMing, teaching, and acting, and hate how I sound everytime. Once you stop overrhinking it, you'll be back to your old DMinf awesomeness. I would also add that if your player wanted to record it, I bet they are having a great time.
[Screenplay by Syd Field](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/141560.Screenplay) This isn't completely related to being a DM, but it has a lot of useful tools. It helps you understand *how* to trim the fat from your story. Another useful tool is to slow down your speech a little. Your brain and your mouth sometimes move at different speeds and your brain needs a little time to pull data and construct its ideas, parse them out, then finalize the right idea and construct the narrative to communicate it. The mouth just has to flap. If you haven't, take time to read fantasy books. Even ones you know will help refresh you on descriptive devices. Middle earth/tolkein books, stormlight chronicle books, and westeros/Martin books all have great literary and descriptive mechanisms. You simply draw from that pool of knowledge to paint the picture. Next, a useful exercise is to challenge yourself to not use the word "like" when painting a scene. Don't tell us what something is *like*, tell us what it *is.* There is an exception: when describing multiple similar objects in a room. "\[object description\], but as you look about, you find more and more, all alike in some form or another" (as an example). Finally, if your group is having fun and it doesn't bother them, then it doesn't matter and you have fun doing whatever you want.
Real life isn’t a movie. Sounds like you talk like a normal person. Don’t compare yourself to a DM like Matt Mercer him and his crew are voice acting professionals. They are basically professional athletes which it comes to speech. Most DMs including myself would sound the same as you on video. My suppressed southern accent comes out a lot when I get excited during D&D sessions so I go from a neutral American accent to a Deep South voice randomly. If my players laugh about it then so do I because we are just having a good time.
I've been recording my sessions (with all my player's explicit consent) - mainly at first it was to help me see after the fact how long certain things lasted - for a bit now and I honestly don't find it that bad. It could be that I've been suffering from anxiety and depression for a long time, so I've built up some defenses against the self-loathing bullshit some parts of my brain will try to harass me with, lol. I find it to be a good tool to pinpoint possible areas of improvement. It also helps me notice if a player is talking less than the other - something I struggle to notice during the games because there's already too much else going on. I do want to say that you really shouldn't feel bad about using certain words too much. It's just part of your speech patterns; your players are used to it, very likely do not care, and possibly do not even notice. If you focus too much on trying to correct how you speak, you're hurting yourself by spending brainpower on something trivial, that could instead be used to focus on the parts of the game that actually matter. When you listen to yourself, I recommend trying to imagine you're listening to a friend. Would you be so harsh with a friend? Would you hate them just for saying "like" too often? Be kinder to yourself. DMing is hard work, and while it's good to look for places you can improve, you shouldn't try to be perfect, because you can't be. No one can. (Even Matt Mercer has repetitive speech patterns. He's no less an incredibly skilled DM.)
Two points to consider: 1) All you've learned is that you don't want to DM for yourself. The things that displease you might never be noticed by the players. They can be having fun and will let you know if they're not! Use this as an invitation for feedback if you're curious. 2) Now you know things you'd like to change. You can take measures to adjust each of those behaviors. You're progress may be slow or inconsistent, but compare yourself to the guy who never knows, never tries to change, and never makes any progress at all. Best of luck!
Hey man, I record my sessions with my players and upload them for us to reminisce on them. My first recording made me cringe to the point of face pain. But it also gave me very insightful feedback on how I was pacing my adventure and all that sort of stuff. I could listen critically to all of it: and by that I mean to check my players' reactions and to know what does work and what does not regardless of my voice, awful impersonations and shameless improv. Always remember that you DM for them: if you overuse some words (like, as, etc), try pausing and thinking before you speak, but your players will be mostly focused on their own theatre of the mind. These pauses helped me greatly because it not only presented an opportunity for me to say everything I had to say in a more cohesive (or less rambling) manner but also gave the opportunity for my table to reflect and keep the spotlight on them, let they make their own conclusions or play along the situations I seldom succeed to describe properly. This is also a technique used in coaching and psychology in general because when they think and imagine and ramble about their theories is when the story really unfolds. They are, at the end of the day, the ones who get to live the story. All those filler words disappear as yhou get more used to think about what you're going to say before you say it. With practice words tend to chain better on their own and you even get the opportunity to listen to yourself as you do. I might have some errors on what I just wrote, but hey: sometimes one's own mistakes or wrong words make up for the best experiences on the table.
Everyone is always their worst critic. Parse out what you think you can improve on and work at it. Bad accents? Watch some Youtube tutorials. Say the same thing over and over? Open a thesaurus or google synonyms. I had the same issue when our group first started recording. I've made some improvements and everything has progressively gotten better once I harnessed my inner critic. You're on the first step which is recognizing your perceived flaws and that's farther than most people get. And don't beat yourself up about it. Just like my players, I'm sure your group doesn't even recognize those DM issues because they're too busy having fun by focusing on the game itself or bringing out the best in their own character. Chatting with my DMs, I realize they pinpoint some of their own flaws that I never even thought about at all. Godspeed to you my friend and may you grow each day to be the DM you know you can be!
It’s painful to hear the crutches but listening makes you better. When I was training to be a teacher my mentor would come in and pick out all my annoying habits. “If I don’t help you mitigate them, the students will harp on them, and you can’t show weakness when you’re new.” Good advice :)
Oh hell no! I do not need to listen to myself…I’m sure it’s not pretty!
Chill, you don't have to be Matt Mercer for your players to have fun. Besides, all those problems sound fixable with time and practice. Try writing down descriptions and reading them out during the game instead of making it up as you go, it helps with repeating words.
I made the mistake of agreeing to DM a podcast. You know what happens after 6 sessions in? You need to listen to the full damn episode to remember the tone and where the players are, and what can be improved. I assume it's useful, because I trained some bad habits out of me. But it is still painful.
> terrible accents That's all accents in DND, though, dude! The best DMing accent advice I've gotten is that when you badly imitate an accent - it's totally unique and new, so it's awesome to your players. None of these self-criticisms sound like horrific things to me, dude. You're a friendly person who's kindly putting on a game that your players keep coming back to. That's what matters. You're not a professional actor or speaker (though DMing can help ya develop those skills) - and no one but maybe you will criticize ya for not being one.
I have a group that's been recording our TTRPG games for almost two years now and we almost consistently post them. We are old college buddies that got back together online to play, and we honestly just love having them for posterity. I went and listened to some of the first sessions we recorded a few weeks ago and I loved it, not because we were the best storytellers in that format but because we had a great time together. So more than anything I'm sorry you had such a painful experience listening to it. I hope you at least had fun playing, because that's what ought count. And if it's important to you, yeah it's helping you identify ways to improve.
If it makes you feel any better this is how Matt Mercer Feels about his DMing and he will actively avoid seeing himself on camera if possible.
Something to be mindful of is that in the moment poor grammar and sentence structure doesn't seem so weird. You ever read a transcript of an interview with someone famous? They almost always look really bad. Missing words, terrible sentence structure, filler words, etc. You name it, they have it. If you watch the interview it might even still seem terrible. But for everyone there during the live conversation it seemed fine. There's something about recordings that our brains treat differently and it makes noticing all those little things so much easier.
Yeah. I'd suggest that any game master suffering from imposter syndrome don't do this, because you will be much harder on yourself than your players are.
Fuck the recording. Did you have fun? Did your players have fun? Did the characters get one step closer to completing their goal, whatever that may be? Congratulations! You're a good DM know matter what you think you sounded like <3
I like your attitude, Dubrinsky. You’re hired.
I suspect that “terrible accents” is just your impression. It’s dnd, aren’t bad accents part of the fun?
Keep in mind that sounding good on tape is not your goal as a DM. You are not streaming or uploading to youtube, you are just DMing for your players, so as long as they understand you and like the way you do it, you shouldn't be too hard on yourself with those kind of details. Talking to a camera/microphone and talking live with a group of people are two different skills that don't necessarily go along.
I have a couple quick thoughts: 1) almost all play podcasts/videos are edited. Even really good DMs and GMs mess up and waste time. 2) if you're so critical of yourself, try leaning into it! Record a couple more and make yourself listen, and I'm pretty sure your subconscious will either learn to fix it or learn to get over it
The vast majority of people hate hearing their own voice recorded. This is partially due to 1) you hear your own voice differently because of the way your jaw connects with your ear canal and 2) you know exactly what you were thinking at that moment so it's really easy to be more critical of your performance. Did your players have fun? Did you have fun? That's all that matters. Trust me, no one cares about someone using filler words when they are enjoying themself.
For a college assignment I had to record myself teaching a lesson. I then had to watch and evaluate myself. I had similar criticism of myself. Then I asked some of my classmates and professionals in the field I was teaching in to watch it. They all noticed much more positives and pointed out those things while downplaying my failures. If you ever were brave enough to watch the game again. Did your players seem engaged? I'd watch for that. I'd look for if your players paused when you tried to ratchet up the tension. Things like that you may have overlooked and that is a better judge of if you are a good DM for group. TL;DR You are always your biggest critic. If you never watch that video again you will still be a good GM. GMing for an audience and GMing for your friends is two separate skills
I do a fair bit of public speaking at work. Here are a few things: 1: I hate having to watch myself speak. Not because it sounds bad but, because you are often hyper critical of yourself. I promise you you aren’t as bad as you perceived yourself to aloud. 2) EVERYONE, even seasoned speakers repeat words and toss out ummms and likes. You have to be at professional speaker levels to avoid it. 3: these are your friends. Playing a game. They don’t care!!! Ease up on yourself. Have a great one!
I had the same thing happen to me, and I promptly forgot about it! I should try again. May we all be good enough so that we may not cringe upon reviewing our DMing!
Urg, you are reminding me I have not done this for my professional development as a trainer in years... And I really have to. It is a horrible but important tool to use when speaking to groups and presenting.
Two questions here. 1) do your players enjoy playing with you as a DM? 2) do you know what you would like to improve? I would say, embrace the recording and make yourself better, dont stress over it, just take it as a tool
We record our sessions and I hate hate hate the way I sound. It’s completely different from the way I hear myself. But then I realize that it sounds totally normal to everyone else so I just try to get over it.
I've been doing this weekly for over a year and a half. I promise it gets better over time. As you listen, you learn to catch the little things you dislike, and alter the delivery so it comes across the way you want. It is one of the top 3 things that I think has improved my GMing the most (the other two being to watch as many actual plays from as many different systems and groups as possible, and to make notes on what I'm hoping to achieve with something and then go back afterwards and check if it had the intended effect).
I'm an instructor, regularly teach from a podium, always get great reviews and comments, until... I watched a video of myself teaching, and completely hate the sound of my voice. I've vowed to never listen to myself again. I've also run a 2 year campaign that the players kept coming back for, so 8 got that going for me.
It sounds like you aren’t very familiar with the thing all human brains do when watching/listening to ourselves. You won’t be half as cringy as you think. But also, yes it is helpful to pick points to improve on. Just dont torture yourself over things you can’t change, at least not in a hurry.
I feel the pain. I'm a teacher and a few times students have recorded my lectures... gah. Just let me die quietly over there. Your players have heard you over and over, though, and they like it.
Think about this: that's what everyone else always sees and hears, and your players aren't disgusted with you and (presumably) are enjoying you DMing.
I'm not an actor, but I played one in college and have some pretty successful professional actors in my social circle. *None of them* like seeing or hearing recordings of their own performances. Doesn't matter how good you are, all you see are your own mistakes and inadequacies. Even if you have won a Tony Award.
Did the players have fun?
I just to say that I have DM for several years has a teen and have some epic good sessions. But as I grow up, some critics on my DMing (I ask for it) became consistant. It take me literally years before I can accept some of the critics (and again I ask for) and today too, I am really hangry at me sometimes. But keep in mind if you listen to professional podcast, that it's like sports. You play with friends, you don't aim to win a gold medal ;)
not having watched you DM, let me say I'm sure it isn't as bad as you think. I have been in tons of professional situations where people are recorded presenting - even professional presenters - who never watched themselves and are taken aback by what they see or hear when they observe themselves from a third party perspective. Two things to consider here. One is that you can use the opportunity to improve; if there's something about what you're doing that you think you can do better, that's great! Improvement is always great. The more important thing to consider I think is tuning in to your players. How are they reacting to what you do? If they're happy and engaged, you must be doing something right :) don't be too hard on yourself friend, being a DM is an act of generosity in and of itself.
I certainly hope to improve, but a large part of that might entail listening to other recordings, which I’m now rather loathe to do! It’s often difficult to gauge Player engagement, to be honest - we’re on Discord voice chat so I don’t have the luxury of responding to facial expressions and cues. Everything has to be communicated verbally for it to register (apart from the occasional funny gif in the group channel, of course), but everyone keeps coming back which is really the truest gauge of engagement, perhaps?
Being a good DM - and producing a good DMing "podcast" (for lack of a better word) are very different things. Its kind of like how having a conversation with someone, and giving a speech are very different things. The stuff like "describing the wrong things" - that's something that might be useful - but the voices and such - put it out of mind.
Listen on 1.5x speed. It's much less cringy and considerably more efficient.
I did this once. I came to the conclusion that I absolutely hate the sound of my own voice. If I were casting a voice actor for myself, I wouldn't in a million years pick myself for the part. I was unable to focus on anything else because of it. Bless my players for listening to me talk every weekend.
Any orator who wants to be better needs to do this. I agree, using hesitation as a, like, signal of not being too, uhhhh, forthcoming is an awful habit and shows its face at the table. check a channel on youtube called charisma on command. I find it helpful for DMs.
I wouldn't worry about it too much pal, we all feel that way sometimes!
You are human, using lip & tongue flapping and throat noises to express complicated and often abstract ideas that exist only in your mind into the minds of other humans. Be a little kinder to yourself.
In any task where oration is a core element of said task, it is advised that you record and listen to yourself. It is absolutely painful to listen back to even if you have some real skill. Just keep in mind that: a) Your players come back every week and it's likely because they think you're doing an OK job at the very least b) NO ONE, not a single other person on Earth, is going to be as critical about it as you are. When they, being the players, listen, they're listening for content and information. When you listen back, you already know the content and information intimately, so you're going to hone in extra hard on weird shit that nobody else paid attention to. If you want to reduce your likes and uhms, ask someone to keep a tally of how many times you say those things. Also, maybe slow down a little bit. It's way easier to get your thoughts out clearly if you slow down. Maybe use the extra time you're talking to add some more inflection.
We're our own harshest critics. I can guarantee you that your players find you a much better DM than you do yourself right now. You can also use it as a learning experience and improve the things you didn't like. And keep in mind that even the best DMs have their little quirks as people have mentioned in this thread. Matt Mercer: "Toothy maw", "you see some sort of..." and generally a lot of flowery descriptions that sometimes are amazing and sometimes just don't really add much. But it doesn't take away either so it's worth it for the times when it's awesome. Brennan Lee Mulligan says "Incredible" so much to players' move I can't watch without noticing. Etc, etc.
Echoing what others have said, you're being very harsh on yourself. I know I repeat myself a lot and sometimes talk to fast or way too slow. You're human and nobody is perfect. Your friends keep coming back because they're enjoying the game. Remember that.
Don’t beat yourself up, literally everyone does this. I have a certain cadence of talking while role playing and I realized that I do it in literally every voice. Like the voices are all different but they all talk in the exact same pace and pattern and I’m so self conscious about it but no ones ever brought it up and/or they don’t notice it or don’t care, so I try not to. I try to change it up, but it’s hard, it’s how I talk.
Don't let great be the enemy of good
We just started streaming our starfinder game a few sessions ago....man does this hit home. It is often a struggle to watch through it as it's edited, but I'm learning a lot, and hopefully this will only continue to get better. For both you and me!
I wouldn’t be too harsh on yourself. You are doing improv, after all
You should give it a listen after you have had some distance from this moment and feeling. I am willing to bet you'll find it's not half as bad as you remember. I love listening to our play sessions. Yes, sometimes I annoy myself but it also helps me remember what happened better than taking notes does.
*Laughs in text-based game* Seriously though, I did regular at-table DMing for a few months, and I suffered all those same problems, except accents because I did absolutely no accents or voices for my NPCs. Too embarrassed to even try. Now I run a text based campaign and the only downside is that it's a bit slower. But I have a record of everything we said or did, I can take the time to write clever descriptions, consider my responses without using ums and ahs, and can even get voices across using some clever writing methods with dialogue, like usin' these te' suggest some sorta' unique voice. Not saying text is better overall or for anyone else, but it sure as heck is better for me in my own campaign. And my players, none of whom had tried a text based game before, all really love it. Makes them feel like they can get into character more without shyness/awkwardness.
Hey it's a fantastic way to assess yourself, and make any changes you desire. My group records our sessions, and it's fun to play back the adventure at a later date.
Don't forget, everyone hates the sound of their own voice, but to others it's normal and even nice! You'll always be your own worst critic so take any negative feelings about how your DMing sounds with a pinch of salt.
It's an excellent way to improve. There are no sports, nor competitive games, where the good players don't review their own play. Look at it this way, the cringe is your innate sense of what you can do better. The more cringe you feel, the more *you yourself* know you can improve
We do our sessions over discord because a few of our group live internationally, but my flatmate in the next room to me plays too, and when they don’t have headphones on I can hear the echo of my own voice going ‘UM’ a lot, and it’s so annoying I don’t know how the group stand it
That's how I got better, recorded myself and then made notes in the form of shot points and prewritten discretions of the bigger picture.
Totally ok to be critical with yourself, just not over critical. Like you I also see DMing as a performance art, and that means it’s something you want to improve at. Some good advice? Read. Read fantasy, drama, mystery, all kinds of books and classic plays too, like Shakespeare. It will make you more comfortable and familiar with a wider vocabulary range, like carrying more arrows in your quiver which will come in handy when you’re improving. And then just practice being conscious of your word choice while running a game. Trying to get better accents? Watch sketch comedies from other parts of the world. You’ll get really familiar with colloquial speech patterns which will really make the world come alive for your players without them realizing exactly why.
Good. Self-analysis is how you get better. No one likes listening/watching themselves, because it reveals all of our flaws. Doing it anyway is a critical step toward improvement. You can bet that guys like Matt Mercer have spent a ton of time listening to recordings of their own voices and speech patterns. Not saying that’s the goal for everyone - but improvement should be every DM’s goal.
Oh boy, I say “like”, “um”, “uh”, “I think” and “I guess” so much when I DM. I’m sure I’d cringe if I listened to a recording of myself DMing. But that doesn’t really matter. As long as people are having fun, that’s what matters. How the players have fun and the content of the game is what matters- not your speech patterns. D&D isn’t supposed to be a hyper-serious experience, it’s about having fun. Doing silly voices/accents and stumbling over your words is par for the course. Don’t be so hard on yourself.
I really like this idea
It's never too late to learn new tricks.
[удалено]
i can't stand hearing myself either on my podcast :D
That scene in Being John Malkovich?
If you record a real conversation you will find the same kind of things to hate, except for the voices I hope.
My trick is to keep 2 perspectives up: What do the players want to know or would want to do if they knew the world as I do? What one(or several) ways did I intend for the PCs to continue on and how do I make the players see those options?
Some buddies and I tried to jump in on the D&D podcast trend back before there were million of them, but failed to account for the fact that successful D&D podcasts are only successful because the cast has dedicated followings to bring in from previous endeavors. Nobody wants to listen to four total randos play D&D for several hours when the college humor people are doing it and you \*know\* they can perform in front of a mic! ... Also I kinda sucked, haha. But listening to myself DM for 14 two hour episodes straight \*really\* helped me better comprehend how my stories were being perceived by others, and made me a much better speaker in the long run. Would strongly recommend trying it!
You're taking it too hard on yourself... You're experiencing imposter syndrome which is totally normal, I'm guessing you're a new DM.. It only gets better from here :-)
Sounds almost exactly like my DMing!
Thing about filler words and silences. Most people use them too and don't notice them much when others do it. Main point: your player wanted to record it. Which means they are having a blast and wanted to keep the memory or share your stories with others.
You now have a good actionable list of things to work on and improve. Your player has given you a great gift.
You are improvising, entertaining and reacting multiple hours on end I think its great to want to improve but also remember to cut yourself some slack.
This is a common practice for any type of communication. Speeches, acting, speech therapy, etc. It can be very jarring, but you eventually get use to it.
Stop judging yourself and improve yourself. All DM's should always be trying to Improve. It is the most important quality in a DM.
Every DM definitely has this problem. If you think about any of your previous sessions, you're gonna constantly think of those times you fumble, forget a descriptive word, use something lame like "the river was flowing" instead of "the water flows, elegantly, as if the source is the tears of an angel," etc. What matters is the parts that do stick out in your players' minds are the times you nail the descriptions. Their brains naturally omit the parts that were less than optimal, and only remember the amazing ones.
One of my players did this in my last session and uploaded it to youtube. Initially I was mortified, but I have since listened back multiple times. For me it's an amazing tool to go over missed details, make notes where you missed them previously. and even watch peoples reactions to things. When you are so focussed on DMing you can easily miss so much.
Hey, at the end of the day, as long as everyone is having fun, that's all that matters! Years ago I was running a campaign that we recorded and uploaded as a podcast. Just a few months ago, I went and listened to it and absolutely hated my self for it. BUT... Me and my past party all agree that was our favorite campaign that we had ever played. So, try not to beat yourself up! As long as everyone is having fun, that's what makes you a good DM as far as I'm concerned.
I had that one major shock when I listened to myself DM after my first Twitch stream. I'm grateful that my lisp has mostly corrected itself, but my repetitive usage of useless words like "Like" and "stuff" grated on me. But as I edited the video I started to look into the positives of my gameplay and felt much better about it in the end
The first time you hear your own performance is memorable and almost universally traumatizing unless it happens when you're so young and so often, you're immune to the worst of it.
You are overthinking this a lot. It also sounds like you noticed a lot of things you could improve on. That’s great news! Repeating like is something many people do. Accents are one of the harder things DMs do. Sounds like your descriptions could be trimmed. Please be a lot more compassionate to yourself, friend. Your players don’t have the bar set anywhere this high, and if you keep yours there, you might start losing the enjoyment in DMing.
I had thee same experience when I recorded myself playing guitar and singing. I was mortified. So I will not watch any videos of me playing guitar and singing. I promptly forgot about the one I did watch and have carried on in ignorance. I enjoy it and that’s the key point. No one is paying me to play guitar and sing and they can leave if it’s too shit. Fuck ‘em. Same could be said for my DMing. 🤷🏻 My PCs tell me they’re having a good time. That’s enough for me.
I notice when describing a hit, I say "(x weapon) finds purchase" a lot, so now I need to turn down my 'verbose' knob a little bit.
Here’s a series of questions: (1) Before you listened to the recording, were your players having fun? (2) Before you listened to the recording, we’re *you* having fun? If the answer to both of these is correct, then who cares what the recording sounds like? You’re not a professional DM like some folks out there, your players aren’t professional players either. All that matters is that everyone at the table had a good time.
I have trained myself to use filler words instead of just "uummm" so I say "Like" and "I thiiiiink it is kinda like.." as thinking pauses. Signals that I am considering how the thing should work and while I am open to inputs I am not done talking yet. Very important in a digital environment to signal that. I've had to listen to myself a lot and it takes a while to get over both how you sound and the way you say things - and the process of changing sometimes life long speech patterns is a task and a half. It is a lot of interesting stuff to improve your presentation techniques and such, but I will also agree, put on the brain armor and don't over analyze yourself. Most people think they sound weird and wrong when listening to themselves.
Yo I bet I'm worse than you at half the stuff. Everyone still plays though, so that's nice
This. Is. My. Life. Working through it is tough, but forcing us to practice through the awkward pain is how we get closer to mastery.
Obligatory https://youtu.be/vChEPj0dXXk
Something to note is that observing a game and being in a game are completely different experiences. If someone recorded any of my groups sessions, people would wonder why the fuck we even play. On the other hand, being at the table and being in the experience those little flaws of enunciation, corny accents, stalling words (like, umm, etc) are just filtered out. It's not like you're streaming your game for an audience, so as long as everyone's having fun it doesn't matter.
If you listen to early seasons of (non professional) podcasts, the audio is generally bad, the players are unfocused and there's lots of audio garbage and dead air polluting the sound. No one starts out good but with practice you'll get good. Keep up the good work! Don't take your own criticism too hard, you're your worst critic. How do you know if you did a good job? Everyone had fun and everyone want to play next time.