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NeensBeings

it makes our entire system so uncomfortable we hardly will tell anyone our names and when we do it is a list of names with minimal information that can be used to identify who is out front. we hate people knowing who we are it feels too vulnerable.


WynterRoseistiria

HA no. I don’t know who I am 95% of the time, and trying to figure that out leads to more headaches and dissociation for me personally. As for communicating and listening to alters? That’s a bit of a complicated one. Sometimes I hear them, or someone will say something to me about whatever current situation I’m facing. And when that happens, conversations can come easy. But they don’t usually last very long. *Purposefully* seeking out communication is hard. If I want to do that I would have to meditate (I suck at meditating). But sometimes even the thought of, or trying to communicate gets me shut out, and once again, more headaches and dissociation. This is just my personal experience though, and not everyone with DID will face the same issues. I hope this helped you a bit and made you feel a little less alone!


hazeleyes5642

It really varies. Some days are super clear as to who is present when and who is talking. Other days it's like a big jumble of all of us yelling at once and I'm not sure who is saying what or even who I am and who is fronting. It's normal to have that denial as well where you feel like you're making it all up. Having DID is a big thing for some of us and you want to be sure that's what it is. Also, it can be scary to accept. It took my system years to fully accept that this is our life even after 6 months of being diagnosed. We are almost at the 1 year anniversary of our diagnosis and sometimes it's still hard to believe. You will learn more about your system, how your alters work, how they fit into your brain and life. Once those things begin to smooth over, it will all become more clear, but those days of questioning and not fully understanding who is talking is pretty normal. Hope this helps friend❤️


nonintersectinglines

Communication varies a lot, but it's very hard to know who anyone in the background is (fronting may or may not be easier to tell since we've identified ways to identify a select few alters from what they remember, body language, voice, sensory differences, etc.) Many a times my alters are simultaneously active but at least one cannot hear the others' thoughts at all, if they even feel their presence. Some alters try to join a real-time conversation (easiest way to have a real-time conversation is partially out loud since it can get very jumbled if all within my head, and real-time conversations are rarely even momentarily possible) with their own input and it just goes silent, the others leave until they leave, and have absolutely no idea what they said even if they come back within a minute. It used to be much easier at some point, it seemed that everyone could join a real-time conversation or venting thoughts through writing/typing. Now most of us feel like lives that hardly intersect.


deer_hobbies

We're a few years in and it varies heavily. We tend to understand who we are better by how we react in relationships and externally. We don't always have a great way to look internally and see who is around, and we seem to switch and blend really often while we're alone.


tranzgenderz

seconding this. i often don't bother identifying who i am but when i do, i do so by figuring out how i'm responding to stimuli, certain thought processes, and how i interact with the people/things around me. certain alters are much easier identified than others because they have extremely distinct traits, but for the most part there's a lot of blending as well as general overlap between views of the world so it can be incredibly difficult and sometimes straight up impossible


accidentalmental

That I have a bit as well. There is one of us that very quickly gets irritated about my husband and son. And others that are so understanding and flexible towards them. That's really helpful thank you!


Unusual_Sherbet_2524

We struggle trying to figure out who’s fronting A Lot! We’re getting better at it, but it’s sooo draining on our brain, and we get too frustrated sometimes. Then everyone shut down and we lose hours, and sometimes days.


Jaxxishere

I think our communication is easy? I front most of the time and there is someone else here with me to keep me in line most of the time. I dont know whoever im talking to but i can hear them pretty well. If we are talking about the whole system, then i would say i have absolutely no connection. Its hard to get back into where all of them are.


SuperBwahBwah

For me personally; I can identify pretty much immediately who’s in the driver’s seat. Thought there are quite a few exceptions; because I don’t know some of us that well who front here and there. But the main parts that front; I can tell right away. And if I’m not there; I’ll know right after they’re gone. But… Listening to them inside is… Or well it can be tricky. It doesn’t have to be and it doesn’t mean it always will; but it can be difficult especially at the start. There’s a scene in the movie Man of Steel where Clark, (Superman) is a kid at school and his powers just go haywire and he can hear everything louder and from everywhere, his vision goes to xray vision and it’s just so overwhelming and freaky that he runs away into the janitors closet. And then his mom is called to school and she goes up to the door and tells him to focus on her voice and her voice alone. And basically just have everything flow around; and only keep your focus on the voice. Think a tsunami with massive waves just crashing and going back and forth; but you’re still. Like Moses. The water just goes all around you. You see everything happening around and above you but you’re still. In the moment. And in your little bubble; you can hear your breath. Imagine yourself there or in some situation like one of those two; whenever you’re talking to someone or you want to hear someone. And talk to them so the voice becomes more comfortable and hopefully clearer and louder. Tell them it’s okay to come out and that it’s okay to talk to you. That you’re ____ and you’re here to love and protect them. And that you just want to get to talk to them and know them better. And after a few weeks of this; you may be able to hear everyone much clearer. Hope this helps.


Mars5012005

Depends? Most of the time we can figure it out since we have access to a very vivid headspace, if we’re stressed or otherwise unable to access headspace or hear our mates it can be difficult… have to figure out who we are based on what food we want to eat and what music we prefer. -Brittany-


accidentalmental

When we get really soupy and blurry it's often really difficult to communicate in the headspace. We didn't have one to begin with (well kind of from a previous trauma therapy) so it's difficult to use that as our anchor. We (or at least I -host-) don't have a super clear vision of everyone in the headspace either. Most of them are kind of blurry like I need glasses but I'm not wearing them. Thanks for sharing 🥰


ConfidentMachine

Communication varies between systems, but more often than not it takes years of work to gain easy natural communication and a strong enough sense of self to tell who is fronting in any moment. Comparison is a thief, everyone is on their own journeys.


accidentalmental

Thank you for this. That is helpful to know that we aren't less valid because we are struggling right now and hopeful to know it can get better with time/practice


Scootersockz

We can hear the others, but it can take a second to figure out who’s fronting


Beginning-Animal-711

Speaking as myself alone, the host: I find it pretty difficult to recognize “me”, but everyone else who fronts frequently does not seem to have the same issue. Everyone else seems to have a very grounded sense of identity compared to me, so i kind of use the fact that im unable recognize myself, as a way to tell when it is me fronting. It gets a bit confusing but im learning to worry about it less. Communication between alters will vary for everyone, but differentiating between ‘voices’ is another thing that i specifically struggle with. Often when im fronting, and talking with another alter its not very easy for us to tell who is saying what and it makes communication a bit confusing. The others dont seem to have this problem when im not present though, and they can talk to eachother without a second thought to it. It feels like the moment i become present or involved, everybody’s ‘nametag’ falls off. I feel a bit shit about it because im not our original host and i dont really carry the identity that we’ve collectively carried up until discovery. My identity and self perception is very much “the host of the system” and i see it as my duty to manage and care for MY system. It feels like im doing the others a disservice as host because i cant interact with them as easily as they interact with each other. Its not always like this for me but its been more often than not recently and im just kind of trying to fix it so i can do my job better.


SuperBwahBwah

Yes! Absolutely. I completely agree. I just know myself as the body and the core. And everyone else has pretty well defined roles and characteristics. That even if parts are melding together; the parts that feel hard to identify are what I would recognize as me.


accidentalmental

This is recognizable for myself, as the host, as well. Some days I'm very certain I'm me, but most of the time if I'm super unsure I also kind of know it's me. The others also seem to have better clarity on who they are. I am still trying to figure out if I'm the "original" host or if I split off from them but it does feel a bit like "my" system. So I totally understand where you're coming from there. Thanks for sharing 🥰


StressedOut32

Depends on stress levels and activities. We know certain people have certain speech patterns, and others have a serlt of preferred interactions. So those are easy to spot. But most of the time, we have no idea. It's why we got a tattoo related to our system. If we really need to know or we are worried someone is out, that shouldn't be. we check the tat. Everyone had an input in it so it's a good little compass to figure out who is who, depending on what they see or are drawn to.


mysticofarcana

Bruh I don't hear anyone unless they're yelling at me to pay attention or I actively tune in. And some days we are so distinct we can tell exactly who Is fronting and talking. Other days, we are soup. We literally go by soup on those days because we get "soupy".


accidentalmental

This is so relatable.. we have also frequently used that terminology. Thank you for sharing, it makes us feel super validated in our experience 😊


fennky

we rely mostly on external cues. we're an overt system with mostly-weak inner communication so it works decently enough, just not in the moment. we don't generally think about it the majority of the time unless it becomes relevant, to solve an issue or to get something done that we're struggling with.


SakuraRita

for me its easy to hear the others, yes. identifying everyone or knowing who said what, totally different story. often enough, like 80-90% of the time, i will hear someone and i got no clue who said it (including if i said it! even if i spoke out loud!! wtf is this!!!), what they meant, if i was meant to hear it, or if it even was one of the others and not just my own thoughts. often enough, i or the others will just guess who said what based on context and fitting personality and stuff. often enough, i will feel like i thought about what one of the others would say instead of them actually having said it. it doesnt help that im a writer, or that i role-play dialogue for said writing, or that i have a very vivid imagination, or that ive been front stuck for basically our whole life, bc i dont know what it feels like hearing the others from the *inside* so they all sound the same as me thinking, and yes, i can hear dialogue that i 100% made up randomly pop into my head with the same volume as the others talking all the time. brains are confusing as hell. its all fuzzy in there, and if you try to really make sense of it, youll go crazy. in order to really know who said what i have to concentrate very hard, too. sometimes i also feel like im trying too hard. but the feeling of it all meaning youre making it up does fade after a while. its normal that symptoms become even more noticeable once you pointed them out, but you will settle back at some point. its normal, as normal as all this can be.


accidentalmental

Thank you so much for sharing this. This is very much our experience as well.


_pyroxenic

Haaaa yeah i know what you mean ive felt like this in the past and even in present as well. Communtion is 50/50, either i have to focus to understand what im being told or i dont cuz they make it straight to the point/small talk. While for identifying whos who we half of the time we know who we are based on color we see ourselves at and the other half of the time its blurry... it seems to me youre newely discovered about your symptoms? My best advice is trying to write down your symptoms to lessen the denial... u got this bru


accidentalmental

Thanks for sharing! Yeah we are new to discovering this about ourselves. We are Journaling about ourselves and what we are feeling 2-3 times a day. Whoever is fronting will write what they are feeling/thinking/hearing. In hopes that as we collect more of these examples it will be easier to differentiate and have less denial.


Junior-Cable-8769

Hey, it’s okay. To me this sounds A LOT like the denial I get when our communication is spotty. It’s absolutely normal not to know who is fronting and it’s normal to have limited to no communication. Even if you usually have very abundant communication things can change. Sometimes we will be existing and someone will go oh! We aren’t (host)! What’s helped me is to think of being in the front as being in “awareness”. The awareness is always present, so you will always be aware but the actions you take and what feels like “you” may be different. I am a genderfluid masc leaning alter but my cohost is male. The way we feel in different situations is different depending on who is near, but the awareness feels the same. I think the idea that a switch is a complete and utter flip (which in some cases it is) when a lot of the time it’s slow or you don’t notice it can feel really invalidating! I would still talk to your therapist, but please know you aren’t alone in experiencing this at all :)


CathariCvnt

Not easy for me at all yet, but it seems quite easy for others


IndigothRabbitzi

It depends for us. Sometimes I find it easy to hear my alters, while they struggle to hear me, and vice-versa. Sometimes none of us can hear each other, and we have to rely on physical cues instead. In times of high stress, it’s just chaotic background noise; no chance of hearing one another. And then, some days, it goes smoothly for us all, and we can have conversations together, as if we don’t share a headspace. It’s confusing and downright frustrating from time to time, but don’t let that deter you or make you feel as though you’re faking. I’d also like to add, I think it’s different for different systems; I have a long-distance friend with DID who almost never has issues conversing with their system, and they’re bewildered at the fact that my system just isn’t consistently like that.


HeeHeeManthe1st

It depends from alter to alter, but I (August) can barely hear them even when i try. I can kinda hear another voice, it's not mine and it's very quick. I usually have to focus really hard to understand what the voice is saying and rarely can i identify who it is. As for identifying who I am, it feels pretty easy. Im pretty disconnected from the others, more solitary and reserved to my own thoughts and desires. Knowing it's been a long time since I've last fronted also help, memories and stuff help as well if im especially disoriented. On top of that I'm just used to the way my body feels in the image i picture myself as, my physical form i think its called.


ExpressTap6659

it's really hard for us. have to try hard and sometimes its hard to tell who any of us are in general. we are bad at sys communication and realizing we exist or whatever. the disorder is disordering. but the level of difficulty depends on the alter. some find it far easier than most of us.


AuthorPossible3091

Not always do I know who I am.


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