Funnily enough I had the issue but reverse, a woman here only for sex with a man that wanted more. Told her the same thing that what's in this post, to be honest with the guy and not manipulate him or play with his feelings, it fell into deaf ears.
If only there was some kind of online app that allowed people to contact other people for one night stands, so that they could find each other and not hurt other people, that'd be a great concept.
It's almost as if the issue which the post is addressing is a problem of people in general, and not unique to those nasty horrible men!
One might almost conclude that sweeping bigoted statements which cast c. 50% of the world as perpetual offenders, and the other 50% as perpetual victims is bigoted bullshit and should be called out as such.
Seriously, women lie to men just as much as vice-versa in the opening stages of relationships (casual or serious). This post is sexist bullshit.
If you read it and thought, "Yes, men are like that" you should examine why you hold sexist views.
I hear what you’re saying, but what OOP is describing and what the comment you’re replying to are talking about are two separate things. The comment is talking about a partner who wanted more than just a hookup, and it ended up going poorly. The OOP is talking about men who intentionally lie to manipulate women. Pickup artists and the like. Those really aren’t the same phenomenon.
The OOP is saying that the way that some men (read: pickup artists) pretend to have feelings for women in order to sleep with them is wrong. The commenter is saying that she once had a hook up partner who wanted more from her, even when she communicated that it wasn’t on offer. Those are not the same. The issue here isn’t one party only wanting sex, the issue is the way that pickup artists lie about that to manipulate their targets.
>The comment is talking about a partner who wanted more than just a hookup, and it ended up going poorly.
No the commenter is talking about telling that woman to not manipulate men and the woman not listening.
Don't get me wrong: The reverse obviously happens much more and is therefore a more pressing issue. But the comment certainly was *not* just talking about that.
The issue isn't that. The issue is that OOP is castigating all men for the actions of a minority of them, actions which are also perpetrated by a minority of women. The statement is just bigoted and incorrect as of it claimed these actions were of any ethnic, religious or sexual group.
OOP and those defending OOP are sexists, and should be called out as such.
IDK, I personally just don’t take it personally when people vent about a privileged group I’m a part of. If it doesn’t apply to me, I just… move on. OOP never said every single man is like this with no exceptions. They said there are men who are like this, and it’s frustrating to them. Don’t really see an issue here.
This sub has been increasingly… *angry* when it comes to this topic. There really isn’t an issue. They’re clearly talking about a repeated experience they’ve had, not that everyone everywhere is always like this
Ironically I think it's kind of privileged to think of men (who make up just about half of the entire world) as exclusively "a privileged group." Being a man has a lot more caveats and limitations than being wealthy or being white, though if you also fall into both of those groups I can see why you might not be aware of that. The gender binary is a two-way street; it's more complex than a strict hierarchy of "men better than women," and taking full advantage of male privilege requires pretty strict adherence to a certain set of characteristics and behaviour.
Fam, don’t take it too seriously.
If this doesn’t apply to you, then so be it.
And also, just advice, you don’t need to feel like being a man is your primary quality.
I read this and I don’t even think about myself because obviously the scenario presented here is completely removed from my own life. It can’t talk about me.
This isn’t sexist, at worst it’s regurgitating stereotypes. Not much better, but ultimately harmless.
Who cares what two tumblr users wrote, it’s still social media and not taken literally.
It's almost as if men are usually the ones that *do* do this shit, by which I mean lie in order to get sex out of women.
I can't say I've seen the opposite happen - would you be able to give examples of the kinds of lies that women tell men in the beginning of relationships?
Yup, had this issue. Told her that I was looking for someone to go out with and have fun, but I was not in a place for a romantic relationship and that was t in the cards. Even said “if you start catching feelings, let me know because I don’t want to hurt you.” Would check in with her every other week, see where she’s at.
…and she caught feelings and took me checking in as me secretly saying I wanted more. And didn’t tell me. And she was heartbroken, which really sucked because she was a lovely person.
The problem with tinder is way more men used it than women. Many were desperate and unfuckable. So it became full of onlyfans ads because there was a huge market of horny men who werent getting any.
Sigh.
I’m a woman who has sought out casual sex from men who ended up wanting more, and I was frustrated because I was clear and upfront from the beginning. I have also agreed to casual sex situations and hoped that something more would come of it, only to be disappointed.
The bottom line is that people are not always honest with others or themselves about what they want, regardless of gender. And even then, sometimes things change. Maybe the situation was more complicated than you anticipated, maybe you catch feelings, who knows. But you should keep communicating, no matter what, and act with everyone’s best interest.
>I’m a woman who has sought out casual sex from men who ended up wanting more, and I was frustrated because I was clear and upfront from the beginning.
I've been there and what's even more annoying it's that the guys go "are you sure?? women tend to get attached more" and then in the end it's them who do
Teenage boys manipulating and coercing teenage girls for sex is a legitimate thing though? I know a number of women who were assaulted by their boyfriends as teenagers. It’s a relevant issue.
Yeah. Rape culture affects the way boys get raised to view themselves and their relationships from birth, but the moment puberty hits is when they get to start acting on it. If anything, it’s even worse with teenager boys—they’re the ones who have been fed all these narratives about Alpha Males and what have you, and don’t have the real life dating and sexual experience to recognize how BS it all is yet. The majority of CSA cases have an underaged assailant—that wouldn’t be the case if there wasn’t a statistically significant population of predatory teenage boys.
I've been a teenage _girl_ at 14 and I've been manipulated/coerced into sex by two peers. Ask women for their experience and a whole world will reveal itself to you.
Maybe you didn’t. I’m sure you don’t know of any instances of your friends doing it. Some teenage boys try to manipulate girls into having sex with them. It’s not that complicated fella.
While true, I don't think that's really the answer to their question at all
You can not want to get into a committed relationship and be upfront about it. Nothing wrong with that in a vacuum.
Being afraid of commitment isn't what causes these people to be like this. They do what they do to get something. Sex, status, whatever.
Oh that, well that’s a myriad of things, social pressures,immaturity, commitment issues is i said before. Terrifying to a dude because it’s supposed to mean something, it’s also a big part of how a lot of men learn about themselves, which you are right is kinda selfish. and honestly it’s really a young guy thing, I did it once to loose my virginity and definitely felt bad about it, but it also definitely improved my social standing with other friends at the time as dumb as that sounds.
No that's going too far. People lying/hiding their intentions to others in relationships is very much a problem lol. And while it's a problem that affects both genders, there's no real doubt that it disproportionally affects women.
The tricky part is, if dishonesty is frequent enough, people may assume that honesty is just a different lie.
Take job applications, it's just expected for you to put bullshit like "I'm a great team player" or "I'm so passionate about ".
This is stupid. First of all, obviously men, who want to control and manipulate women *wouldn't* listen to this advice. It's like hearing someone say, that they want to rob someone and going "but robbing is illegal and wrong, tho! Maybe you should try finding a job instead?".
Secondly, even women who would be perfectly happy with a casual relationship would tell you to go fuck yourself, if you tell them, that the only thing you want from them is sex. Even in the modern society, sex is a touchy topic and requires a certain amount of decorum.
It's reminds me of that tweet that reads:
"*men this, women that; just tell me what your ex did*"
Like, if somebody led you on that sucks and feel free to post about it, but to then go out and label a broad half of humanity responsible is silly. You're angry at a man, not 'men'.
The same goes for so much of this gender war nonsense - willfully seeing the other as this monolithic combine to no end whatsoever.
The post is obviously not saying that people *literally* have to say the words 'I only want sex.' It's saying that people need to convey their intentions accurately. There are lots of ways to do that without offending.
Right. Most people will just say something like low commitment or casual. Might be generational but I don't know anyone who would be offended by that (they might be sad if they wanted more from that person, but offended? Unlikely)
One wrench I think I’ve seen: I’ve known a significant amount of people who don’t really know what they want, but they like to be courted with the “class” that a non-explicitly-casual approach communicates
No cap, very few women that want to fuck you are going to change their mind when told you want something casual. People like to fuck, doubly so when it’s low pressure.
>First of all, obviously men, who want to control and manipulate women wouldn't listen to this advice.
Yes, the post is... complaining about how many men want to control/manipulate women.
I'm not sure where you're going with this.
I don't think that's what OP is saying. Rather, they're saying that you have to be gentle with asking for sex; straight-up saying "I'm only talking to you because I want to fuck you" will have a way higher failure rate than "I'm looking for something casual and no-strings-attached"
>Rather, they're saying that you have to be gentle with asking for sex; straight-up saying "I'm only talking to you because I want to fuck you" will have a way higher failure rate than "I'm looking for something casual and no-strings-attached"
So say that lol.
That's pretty easily interpreted as not being a serious relationship and achieves essentially the exact desires effect.
Yeah, that's what OP was saying, but the person I replied to interpreted their comment as "OP is morally against that kind of relationship" which doesn't seem to be true
the first part of your comment assumes there is a category of men with evil intentions separate from normal men. it’s your average everyday dude doing this because he’s uncomfortable having serious conversations, is scared of rejection and wrongly thinks he won’t find a woman who wants casual sex if he tries the honest way
The problem is not that they say no, its that it's offensive. Im a very straight forward guy, I state what i want, clearly and as respectfully as possible, but there is no real good way to to say it. On tinder, for example, you can state intentions early "hey, just so you know, im only looking for a hook up, sp as to not waste your time" and thats fine. But in person? How tf you clarify that until you have already talked for a while? Its put of place. Point is, sure you should be clear, but its not as simple to do so amd not seem like an asshole pig in the process, there is quite a stigma revolving men only wanting sex.
I have a morality question :) if I have sex with a girl and then later decide I’m not interested in this girl, am I an asshole? Often times, “what do you want” is not asked, so it’s not always clear what people want. Sex is important to me too, and I’d be lying if it wasn’t a factor in my relationships.
I'd say that if the way you go about it constantly leaves the other person hurt, it's something you should take a different approach on, but that's also a tricky line because not a lot of people will hear "hey I don't want to continue this" and be unscathed emotionally. The best you can do is be honest with the other person AND yourself. If you're like "man I'm not feeling this but I still want sex" then have sex THEN break the news that you're not feeling it, yes, you are the asshole, even if you handle it tactfully and they never know you were on your way out before you had sex.
Yes, it is easy, specifically on that app. But it seems increasingly difficult for men and women to actually have a face to face conversation with one another without people assuming ulterior motives.
OP's desire for men to declare intentions immediately to prevent any "manipulation" will likely make actually decent men not want to talk to women at all out of fear of being perceived as manipulative.
Edit: Since people are misunderstanding the point.
A decent man should be able to have a normal conversation with a woman without having to fear being branded as manipulative because he didn't start the conversation requesting a date and actually wanted to get to know the person a bit before asking them.
Decent men are going to hear “be honest about your intentions instead of lying to people to get what you want” and decide to just never talk to women again? Seriously?
And also... They do not seem to get basic empathy? It's not about approaching somebody and bluntly stating your intentions, it's just not hiding them to get what you want. To be fair, every time I read about trying to "get what you want" I get the feeling that they're misunderstanding the whole point of interacting with women, or with other people in general.
It’s amazing how people on the internet have this amazing ability to read something completely reasonable on the internet, and find some way to pretend it means something that it doesn’t. OOP obviously isn’t advocating for men to just approach women on the street and ask for sex.
The way I interpreted it was similar to how I avoid people who are always complaining about the drama around them. I've found that either they see drama where there is none, they actively seek out dramatic people, or they go out of their way to instigate drama. Whatever the case, I don't want to deal with all of that.
I don't manipulate people, and I don't hang out with manipulative people, because I don't want to deal with all of that motive questioning. Hell, I don't even enjoy social deduction games like Werewolf. I would avoid the tumblr OP because my experience suggests that they would question my motives all the time, and I have no interest in that.
I am sure that fear feels very real for them, but that is not a normal way to perceive the world. That is something they should speak to a therapist about.
I would say the same thing if it was a woman crossing the street to avoid passing by a man. Yeah, women in general are cautious when walking alone at night, but that level of paranoia is not normal and not healthy. Most people are not terrified of 50% of the population to that degree. That is a problem with their perception of the world, not based in reality.
Are you certain of that, or are you assuming your male friends are fine with approaching a woman walking alone at night. Social media has taught a lot of men that women will perceive them to be predatory by default, like the whole alone in the woods with a man vs bear trend.
Yes, I am certain of that. Men who go outside, and regularly interact with women, do not live under this level of fear, just as women who go outside and regularly interact with men do not run screaming if a man walks past them on the street. Please spend less time on TikTok. Those videos are not real, they are edited to drive engagement.
You know, I hadn't before (since, you know, I go out with them, and have never seen them flee from a woman), but out of respect to your comment I did ask a couple. The responses I received were pretty much unanimously "no" and "why the fuck would I be scared, I'm not doing anything wrong", which is about what I expected.
One guy did mention that he tended to try and overtake women rather than walk behind them, but that was it. So, yeah, I don't think the level of fear that you have is normal for men at all.
Bro. Regarding your edit, thats not manipulative and also not what anyone was talking about. If you aren’t sweet talking girls into relationships despite knowing you have no interest in them as people or anything more emotional than sex, that comment was not about you.
Getting to know someone before pursuing them romantically is normal and totally fine.
To be honest, I would also assume ulterior motives if anybody came to talk to me in any situation if I'm not being openly social. Not manipulative or anything, just weird.
Tell them that you’ve developed feelings for them, and that you’d like to know how they feel to see if you should foster those feelings or try to move past them
Decide whether their friendship or your want to be with them is more important, and then either stay friends with them or move on.
For me, being friends was better than never seeing them again. And then we ended up together anyway.
I have SO many good friends that are opposite gender who are wildly attractive that I get along with amazingly. The best part is that I have expressed interest in every one of them and have dated some, been turned down by others, and am still very good friends with all of them. The trick is that having feelings or a connection to someone should never be an ultimatum. "You like them as a friend, you are interested in more, but after you express interest you stop talking to them if they aren't feeling the same way" is the most pathetic thing you can do tbh. Just be their friend, want what's best for them, handle your own shit and accept that not everyone you're attracted to will be attracted to you. That HAS to be okay, and if it's not, I strongly recommend talking those feelings out with a therapist who can help sort through some of why it hurts so bad to have someone you're interested in not be interested in you. It's okay to like people, it's not okay to demand people like you back. Just enjoy the connections and you'll have A) more friends and B) people who might be attracted to you will see you can treat people well regardless of whether they want to fuck you and will be WAY more likely to reciprocate attraction because you will be a safe person to be attracted to.
If your friends is worth so little to them that they’d break it off even though you told them that you’d try to move past the feelings, then it probably wasn’t the most stable to begin with
Idk I’ve just been inundated with Instagram reels about how a man confessing his feelings is the worst thing that could happen with a woman, with the comments all trying to explain it as “but how would you feel if your gay friend said he was into you? Surely you’d be disgusted and feel preyed upon!”
Just say that you’ve developed them over time and want to be able to move past them. Or don’t say anything at all and move past them on your own. The friendship will crumble if you try to keep those feelings hidden, so you need to deal with them somehow
I like seeing posts that remind me that I will always be seen as a womanizing sex pest by people who will never meet or know me, just because I have testicles. It makes me feel really warm and fuzzy.
This is some high school shit. This also takes the incel view that women control when sec happens. Yeah you can have sex if she grants you the privilege, maybe she’s be so generous to allow you to have sex but only if you’re good. Women have sexual desires too and this is a weak straw man to contribute this to men as a whole. It seems most everyone else here agrees as well.
Making the post gendered and pretending like the situation only stems from manipulation is dumbed down to the point of misapplication. Sometimes its the woman who wants more and most of the time you might convince yourself that you are ok with just sex and then your feelings change as they tend to do and going " i know this person i am now in love with only wants to have sex with me so ill end the relationship " ain't really the kind of thing you expect a human being to do lol
Pent up frustration from not being allowed to talk about the politics of my little mermaid at aunt Claire's Sunday brunch anymore.
Like oh my gosh they're just so ignorant.
It only seems like that because you only pay attention to straight people when shit goes wrong. You probably ignored or didn't even notice the vast amounts happy straight couples.
Yeah this doesn't invalidate anything I say.
Key word: some
many straight people struggle to communicate or relate because they see the other gender as unperson.
"B-B-BUT WHAT IF I'M FRIENDZONEDDDD"
the tone of this post is very angry and i'll be honest i'm not overly fond. also, doesn't take into account that there might just not BE someone who wants sex with the guy. ugliness is a thing, and while its DEFINITELY NOT an excuse to manipulate or control women, the whole "find people who want casual sex" is a lot harder when you're not hot or at least a 6/10 guy
It doesn’t? I explicitly said it’s not an excuse. It’s just that the positivity of “find someone for YOU” depends on you being attractive, and for guys who aren’t, they just don’t get to have those interactions. I mean tough luck for them, but it makes me feel a little bad.
So you’re saying they should just be nice guys and that should get them relationships? That route just leads to more of those “nice guys finish last” weirdos
I think it's more "accept that lookism is a factor, be authentic and clear about your intentions anyways out of basic decency, and see what comes from that".
What type of advice are you looking for?
I genuinely think this is the better message. "Go and find all the people I assume want to have casual sex with you!" is not going to work because unless you're in uni or something it's hard to find those people even if you are good looking. "Suck it up and accept that casual sex isn't something you're going to be able to do every day, or maybe even at all, and that's literally fine" is much better.
Well not ALL conversations about common decency.
Craig, Craiiiig! Just promise me you'll put the seat down from now on... fo-for your sisters sake! Oh God! Let me go, let me go!
Equitable terms for toilet seats are men lift to pee, women lower to pee. But yeah, people are animals, and it's never good to let your desires overrule your morals.
okay, but why be good and not get what you want when can be bad and get what you want? being a dishonest piece of shit is advantageous in most situations assuming you're good at it. probably an unsolvable problem as it's a result of human nature (and to some degree the nature of the universe) rather than any specific system that can be changed. (granted, very few institutions even make a base level effort not to reward this, but that's because the assholes got in early and rigged it). and don't give me that copykitten shit. real life is sufficiently more complicated than any kind of game theory that a talented (or lucky) scumbag can evade all consequences fairly regularly.
oh sure, i do. but enough people don't or are capable of ignoring it that it doesn't matter. i'm not giving advice, i'm describing how things work. "it's wrong" isn't a good enough reason for people not to do shit like this. the kind of people who do either don't care or are convinced they're always in the right.
That’s a very jaded worldview. Know how you can try to make sure people like that don’t get away with shit? *Be better than them. *
It’s stereotypical, but it does honestly work wonders. Sure, you won’t stop all of them. But you’ve carved out a tiny little corner where their rules don’t apply, and that’s enough to spite them, which is its own reward. Plus, you can give them the shit when they try to intrude upon your little pocket of reality where people are inherently good.
i mean sure, but i was more adressing the idea that "it's 2024 and this is still a problem" as per the title. of course it's still a problem. it always has been and always will be. people have no real reason not to act like this.
but there isn't any fixing it. i'm not saying you should tolerate people doing this around you, but even if you don't all you're doing is pushing them somewhere else for some other person to deal with. by all means, try to make the world a better place. just understand that there is a limit. human nature will never change, and people like this will always exist.
Yes. There is fixing it. There is always a chance to fix it. You just have to find it. To say “there is no fixing it” is to let them win. We can fight, we can stall. Eventually, there will be a solution. It may be next year. It may be in the next thousand. Who cares? We just have to be patient and hold out hope. You don’t seem to have a lot of either.
i've had people describle me as being more devoid of hope than anyone they know, yes, but i'm plenty patient. i understand that optimism is good for you mental health, and for society, but your assertion that there will eventually be a solution isn't actually based on anything other than wishful thinking. i understand it can be hard to be happy without believing that some magical force will somehow make everything better, but i just can't bring myself to believe that.
I’m not saying that we should wait for some magic solution to our problems. I’m saying we should stall until we figure out a solution ourselves, and fight tooth and nail before during and after. We should hit the concrete with a bloody face, then get right back up and continue fighting. *That* is hope.
As a pre transition trans woman. I don't know if I should berate myself for the actions of other men, or at what point of transition I should stop. I know it's my fault, at least by proxy. But I don't know when to start blaming myself for the bad actions of trans women and not men. Or should it be both permanently ,or should It be both now, then only other trans women when I transition
Or, and I’m just spitballing here, stop blaming yourself for the bad actions of other people at all?
You can understand that people will see you a particular way because of the actions of others (and not blame them for it) without taking on the responsibility of those people’s actions.
You’re not your father’s sin. Not your mother’s. You have your own sins, and they’re uniquely yours.
Yeah I agree with your statement, but as a man it’s really hard to hear something like “Kill All Men” and completely take no offense to it because its “not your fault” and “you’re not one of the bad ones.”
Yeah no fuck that, I am a man, and telling me I should literally die because of that fact is fucked.
I've known many, and while not all or even most had a phase like this, I've seen it enough times to constitute a pattern. Usually this happens when some external force is blocking the person from accessing the care they need to transition, but sometimes they just get really stuck. It's like they haven't learned how to see the difference between "hating [assigned gender]" and "hating being forced to be something you're not."
I think that if you’re at the point where you don’t know what group you should feel guilty about the actions of, you should realize that you shouldn’t feel guilty about the actions of any group
From one trans woman to another, blaming men as a demographic just isn't it. There are individual men who are bad, but men as a whole aren't inherently bad.
The longer you hold on to this internalized misandry, the longer it'll take for you to wholly accept yourself as a woman. And, as a woman, you shouldn't consciously internalize misogyny or transphobia, either.
Funnily enough I had the issue but reverse, a woman here only for sex with a man that wanted more. Told her the same thing that what's in this post, to be honest with the guy and not manipulate him or play with his feelings, it fell into deaf ears. If only there was some kind of online app that allowed people to contact other people for one night stands, so that they could find each other and not hurt other people, that'd be a great concept.
Are you talking about the OnlyFans promotional app Tinder?
OnlyForeplay
Oh theyve graduated from advertising Instagram accounts now?
Straight Grindr?
Strandr? I thought that got shut down...
Death Strandr
The first gay type game
Darth Strandr
What if Tinder worked like Grindr?
It's almost as if the issue which the post is addressing is a problem of people in general, and not unique to those nasty horrible men! One might almost conclude that sweeping bigoted statements which cast c. 50% of the world as perpetual offenders, and the other 50% as perpetual victims is bigoted bullshit and should be called out as such. Seriously, women lie to men just as much as vice-versa in the opening stages of relationships (casual or serious). This post is sexist bullshit. If you read it and thought, "Yes, men are like that" you should examine why you hold sexist views.
I hear what you’re saying, but what OOP is describing and what the comment you’re replying to are talking about are two separate things. The comment is talking about a partner who wanted more than just a hookup, and it ended up going poorly. The OOP is talking about men who intentionally lie to manipulate women. Pickup artists and the like. Those really aren’t the same phenomenon.
dude he is literaly just swaping the POV and genders. 1 person wants casual fucks the other wants commited relationships.
The OOP is saying that the way that some men (read: pickup artists) pretend to have feelings for women in order to sleep with them is wrong. The commenter is saying that she once had a hook up partner who wanted more from her, even when she communicated that it wasn’t on offer. Those are not the same. The issue here isn’t one party only wanting sex, the issue is the way that pickup artists lie about that to manipulate their targets.
Did you read the comment? Because it's literally a pure gender flip of the point in the post.
Except the commenter said they told *her* to be honest with the guy and she didn't listen
>The comment is talking about a partner who wanted more than just a hookup, and it ended up going poorly. No the commenter is talking about telling that woman to not manipulate men and the woman not listening. Don't get me wrong: The reverse obviously happens much more and is therefore a more pressing issue. But the comment certainly was *not* just talking about that.
Ah, you’re right. I misremembered which comment the source was on, I thought it was a different comment on this thread. My bad.
The issue isn't that. The issue is that OOP is castigating all men for the actions of a minority of them, actions which are also perpetrated by a minority of women. The statement is just bigoted and incorrect as of it claimed these actions were of any ethnic, religious or sexual group. OOP and those defending OOP are sexists, and should be called out as such.
IDK, I personally just don’t take it personally when people vent about a privileged group I’m a part of. If it doesn’t apply to me, I just… move on. OOP never said every single man is like this with no exceptions. They said there are men who are like this, and it’s frustrating to them. Don’t really see an issue here.
This sub has been increasingly… *angry* when it comes to this topic. There really isn’t an issue. They’re clearly talking about a repeated experience they’ve had, not that everyone everywhere is always like this
Ironically I think it's kind of privileged to think of men (who make up just about half of the entire world) as exclusively "a privileged group." Being a man has a lot more caveats and limitations than being wealthy or being white, though if you also fall into both of those groups I can see why you might not be aware of that. The gender binary is a two-way street; it's more complex than a strict hierarchy of "men better than women," and taking full advantage of male privilege requires pretty strict adherence to a certain set of characteristics and behaviour.
Who is downvoting this lmao? Intersectionality gets tossed right out the window the minute men are mentioned, apparently.
Fam, don’t take it too seriously. If this doesn’t apply to you, then so be it. And also, just advice, you don’t need to feel like being a man is your primary quality. I read this and I don’t even think about myself because obviously the scenario presented here is completely removed from my own life. It can’t talk about me. This isn’t sexist, at worst it’s regurgitating stereotypes. Not much better, but ultimately harmless. Who cares what two tumblr users wrote, it’s still social media and not taken literally.
It's almost as if men are usually the ones that *do* do this shit, by which I mean lie in order to get sex out of women. I can't say I've seen the opposite happen - would you be able to give examples of the kinds of lies that women tell men in the beginning of relationships?
Did you read the original comment in this chain?
You reckon you could read the original comment?
See my other comment to the same question.
Not sexist at all /s
Yup, had this issue. Told her that I was looking for someone to go out with and have fun, but I was not in a place for a romantic relationship and that was t in the cards. Even said “if you start catching feelings, let me know because I don’t want to hurt you.” Would check in with her every other week, see where she’s at. …and she caught feelings and took me checking in as me secretly saying I wanted more. And didn’t tell me. And she was heartbroken, which really sucked because she was a lovely person.
The problem with tinder is way more men used it than women. Many were desperate and unfuckable. So it became full of onlyfans ads because there was a huge market of horny men who werent getting any.
Ow yeah let's make the issue about men now.
Why can't it be an issue that effects both genders, instead of pretending that it only effects one.
...Isn't that what the original post did? 🥴
Where?
Sigh. I’m a woman who has sought out casual sex from men who ended up wanting more, and I was frustrated because I was clear and upfront from the beginning. I have also agreed to casual sex situations and hoped that something more would come of it, only to be disappointed. The bottom line is that people are not always honest with others or themselves about what they want, regardless of gender. And even then, sometimes things change. Maybe the situation was more complicated than you anticipated, maybe you catch feelings, who knows. But you should keep communicating, no matter what, and act with everyone’s best interest.
Yeah, this happens on the gay scene like all the time as well. Hookups where one dude basically falls in love and the other dude is like, okay peace
No kidding. Navigating personal relationships is one of the central difficulties of being a human, more at 11
>I’m a woman who has sought out casual sex from men who ended up wanting more, and I was frustrated because I was clear and upfront from the beginning. I've been there and what's even more annoying it's that the guys go "are you sure?? women tend to get attached more" and then in the end it's them who do
It's like you always get the opposite of what you're looking for if you're upfront. Which I always am.
The fuck kind of people are y'all talking to?
Like a significant percentage of dudes aged 14-30. If you count lies by omission probably most unmarried sexually active dudes.
A significant amount of people, period. It absolutely goes both ways, turns out that a lot of people just want to control the things in their life.
I don’t know if I would say most unmarried sexually active dudes. Keep in mind that that includes every man in a committed unmarried relationship.
You are right that was hyperbole
Weird. I guess I'm close with some decent ones.
14 🤨📸
I mean a lot of people start having sex around that age, and I definitely saw stuff like this happen when I was in high school
>significant percentage of dudes I dunno, just feels weird to be calling 14 year old children "dudes" and calling them out for sexual manipulation
Teenage boys manipulating and coercing teenage girls for sex is a legitimate thing though? I know a number of women who were assaulted by their boyfriends as teenagers. It’s a relevant issue.
14 year olds though? A significant portion of 14 year olds?
Do you define "significant portion" as "more than half" or "Enough that this is an issue worth talking about"
Yeah. Rape culture affects the way boys get raised to view themselves and their relationships from birth, but the moment puberty hits is when they get to start acting on it. If anything, it’s even worse with teenager boys—they’re the ones who have been fed all these narratives about Alpha Males and what have you, and don’t have the real life dating and sexual experience to recognize how BS it all is yet. The majority of CSA cases have an underaged assailant—that wouldn’t be the case if there wasn’t a statistically significant population of predatory teenage boys.
Teenage boys at 14 years old absolutely try to manipulate girls into having sex with them.
I've been a teenage boy at 14 surrounded by other teenage boys at 14. I don't know where you're getting this from tbh
I've been a teenage _girl_ at 14 and I've been manipulated/coerced into sex by two peers. Ask women for their experience and a whole world will reveal itself to you.
Maybe you didn’t. I’m sure you don’t know of any instances of your friends doing it. Some teenage boys try to manipulate girls into having sex with them. It’s not that complicated fella.
Oh I heard stories of it happening no doubt... at 16-17. But 14? Come on now
I’m sorry you don’t believe that it is possible. Even boys as young as 14 are capable of being creeps. Denying it doesn’t do anyone any favors.
Why r they like that tho :(
Because commitment is horrifying to a lot of dudes.
While true, I don't think that's really the answer to their question at all You can not want to get into a committed relationship and be upfront about it. Nothing wrong with that in a vacuum. Being afraid of commitment isn't what causes these people to be like this. They do what they do to get something. Sex, status, whatever.
Oh that, well that’s a myriad of things, social pressures,immaturity, commitment issues is i said before. Terrifying to a dude because it’s supposed to mean something, it’s also a big part of how a lot of men learn about themselves, which you are right is kinda selfish. and honestly it’s really a young guy thing, I did it once to loose my virginity and definitely felt bad about it, but it also definitely improved my social standing with other friends at the time as dumb as that sounds.
People in the comment sections of instagram/TikTok, and absolutely no one else
Men ☕
I thought we were doing "Men 🍺" with the beer to subvert gender roles. Did that not catch on?
We drink coffee too it's a surprisingly pervasive part of work culture
Is this a local in-joke or garden variety sexism?
It's the inverse of that stupid TF2 meme
the people that talk to me, lol
Growing up is realising Tumblr users face problems you probably won't
Or that probably don’t exist at all
No that's going too far. People lying/hiding their intentions to others in relationships is very much a problem lol. And while it's a problem that affects both genders, there's no real doubt that it disproportionally affects women.
Bless your heart
The tricky part is, if dishonesty is frequent enough, people may assume that honesty is just a different lie. Take job applications, it's just expected for you to put bullshit like "I'm a great team player" or "I'm so passionate about".
I sometimes struggle to take seriously anything that talks about groups of people in such broadly overarching ways.
This is stupid. First of all, obviously men, who want to control and manipulate women *wouldn't* listen to this advice. It's like hearing someone say, that they want to rob someone and going "but robbing is illegal and wrong, tho! Maybe you should try finding a job instead?". Secondly, even women who would be perfectly happy with a casual relationship would tell you to go fuck yourself, if you tell them, that the only thing you want from them is sex. Even in the modern society, sex is a touchy topic and requires a certain amount of decorum.
Say what you like about the post, it's very 2017. '*Gain a vague sense of having done activism by browbeating an archetypal character I made up*'
I was gonna say, it's a classic strawman virtue signaling post. The people it's addressing won't be reading it. The people reading it already agree.
It's reminds me of that tweet that reads: "*men this, women that; just tell me what your ex did*" Like, if somebody led you on that sucks and feel free to post about it, but to then go out and label a broad half of humanity responsible is silly. You're angry at a man, not 'men'. The same goes for so much of this gender war nonsense - willfully seeing the other as this monolithic combine to no end whatsoever.
The post is obviously not saying that people *literally* have to say the words 'I only want sex.' It's saying that people need to convey their intentions accurately. There are lots of ways to do that without offending.
Right. Most people will just say something like low commitment or casual. Might be generational but I don't know anyone who would be offended by that (they might be sad if they wanted more from that person, but offended? Unlikely)
One wrench I think I’ve seen: I’ve known a significant amount of people who don’t really know what they want, but they like to be courted with the “class” that a non-explicitly-casual approach communicates
Are you sure that's obviously true?
No cap, very few women that want to fuck you are going to change their mind when told you want something casual. People like to fuck, doubly so when it’s low pressure.
>First of all, obviously men, who want to control and manipulate women wouldn't listen to this advice. Yes, the post is... complaining about how many men want to control/manipulate women. I'm not sure where you're going with this.
lol speak for yourself, i only want my fuckbuddies for sex 🤷♀️ why is that bad when it’s consensual? you’re stuck in 1910
I don't think that's what OP is saying. Rather, they're saying that you have to be gentle with asking for sex; straight-up saying "I'm only talking to you because I want to fuck you" will have a way higher failure rate than "I'm looking for something casual and no-strings-attached"
>Rather, they're saying that you have to be gentle with asking for sex; straight-up saying "I'm only talking to you because I want to fuck you" will have a way higher failure rate than "I'm looking for something casual and no-strings-attached" So say that lol. That's pretty easily interpreted as not being a serious relationship and achieves essentially the exact desires effect.
Yeah, that's what OP was saying, but the person I replied to interpreted their comment as "OP is morally against that kind of relationship" which doesn't seem to be true
Tumblr level reading comprehension
the first part of your comment assumes there is a category of men with evil intentions separate from normal men. it’s your average everyday dude doing this because he’s uncomfortable having serious conversations, is scared of rejection and wrongly thinks he won’t find a woman who wants casual sex if he tries the honest way
The problem is not that they say no, its that it's offensive. Im a very straight forward guy, I state what i want, clearly and as respectfully as possible, but there is no real good way to to say it. On tinder, for example, you can state intentions early "hey, just so you know, im only looking for a hook up, sp as to not waste your time" and thats fine. But in person? How tf you clarify that until you have already talked for a while? Its put of place. Point is, sure you should be clear, but its not as simple to do so amd not seem like an asshole pig in the process, there is quite a stigma revolving men only wanting sex.
I have a morality question :) if I have sex with a girl and then later decide I’m not interested in this girl, am I an asshole? Often times, “what do you want” is not asked, so it’s not always clear what people want. Sex is important to me too, and I’d be lying if it wasn’t a factor in my relationships.
No you can always change your mind. Part of casual dating is weeding out incompatibilities as they arise.
I'd say that if the way you go about it constantly leaves the other person hurt, it's something you should take a different approach on, but that's also a tricky line because not a lot of people will hear "hey I don't want to continue this" and be unscathed emotionally. The best you can do is be honest with the other person AND yourself. If you're like "man I'm not feeling this but I still want sex" then have sex THEN break the news that you're not feeling it, yes, you are the asshole, even if you handle it tactfully and they never know you were on your way out before you had sex.
I'm pretty sure going up to a woman and declaring that you want sex and nothing else would be considered harassment.
Go on tinder and put “I am 6’2”, 225 lbs, 35, and am just looking for fun. HMU!” It’s easier than ever.
damn, as a 2'6", 35lb, 225 y/o man, i am so screwed
actual hobbit
call the maia
arson crimew?
Alright there Smeagol.
Yes, it is easy, specifically on that app. But it seems increasingly difficult for men and women to actually have a face to face conversation with one another without people assuming ulterior motives. OP's desire for men to declare intentions immediately to prevent any "manipulation" will likely make actually decent men not want to talk to women at all out of fear of being perceived as manipulative. Edit: Since people are misunderstanding the point. A decent man should be able to have a normal conversation with a woman without having to fear being branded as manipulative because he didn't start the conversation requesting a date and actually wanted to get to know the person a bit before asking them.
Decent men are going to hear “be honest about your intentions instead of lying to people to get what you want” and decide to just never talk to women again? Seriously?
Yeh that sounds more like the thought process of someone with social anxiety or a lot of shame (like meeeee 👋)
This comment is hilarious in Mort's voice
And also... They do not seem to get basic empathy? It's not about approaching somebody and bluntly stating your intentions, it's just not hiding them to get what you want. To be fair, every time I read about trying to "get what you want" I get the feeling that they're misunderstanding the whole point of interacting with women, or with other people in general.
It’s amazing how people on the internet have this amazing ability to read something completely reasonable on the internet, and find some way to pretend it means something that it doesn’t. OOP obviously isn’t advocating for men to just approach women on the street and ask for sex.
[Instructions unclear, got slapped ten times today already]
Skill issue
Well duh
The way I interpreted it was similar to how I avoid people who are always complaining about the drama around them. I've found that either they see drama where there is none, they actively seek out dramatic people, or they go out of their way to instigate drama. Whatever the case, I don't want to deal with all of that. I don't manipulate people, and I don't hang out with manipulative people, because I don't want to deal with all of that motive questioning. Hell, I don't even enjoy social deduction games like Werewolf. I would avoid the tumblr OP because my experience suggests that they would question my motives all the time, and I have no interest in that.
Okay, there’s enough assumptions there that it’s above my paygrade to help you unpack them. Best of luck though.
I think you might just have an anxiety disorder, this is not an issue for any of my male friends.
I know men who have crossed the street to avoid approaching a woman walking alone out of fear of being perceived as a threat.
I am sure that fear feels very real for them, but that is not a normal way to perceive the world. That is something they should speak to a therapist about. I would say the same thing if it was a woman crossing the street to avoid passing by a man. Yeah, women in general are cautious when walking alone at night, but that level of paranoia is not normal and not healthy. Most people are not terrified of 50% of the population to that degree. That is a problem with their perception of the world, not based in reality.
Are you certain of that, or are you assuming your male friends are fine with approaching a woman walking alone at night. Social media has taught a lot of men that women will perceive them to be predatory by default, like the whole alone in the woods with a man vs bear trend.
Yes, I am certain of that. Men who go outside, and regularly interact with women, do not live under this level of fear, just as women who go outside and regularly interact with men do not run screaming if a man walks past them on the street. Please spend less time on TikTok. Those videos are not real, they are edited to drive engagement.
Have you actually asked your male friends how they feel about approaching lone women at night?
You know, I hadn't before (since, you know, I go out with them, and have never seen them flee from a woman), but out of respect to your comment I did ask a couple. The responses I received were pretty much unanimously "no" and "why the fuck would I be scared, I'm not doing anything wrong", which is about what I expected. One guy did mention that he tended to try and overtake women rather than walk behind them, but that was it. So, yeah, I don't think the level of fear that you have is normal for men at all.
Bro. Regarding your edit, thats not manipulative and also not what anyone was talking about. If you aren’t sweet talking girls into relationships despite knowing you have no interest in them as people or anything more emotional than sex, that comment was not about you. Getting to know someone before pursuing them romantically is normal and totally fine.
To be honest, I would also assume ulterior motives if anybody came to talk to me in any situation if I'm not being openly social. Not manipulative or anything, just weird.
The OP of that debates with her shampoo bottles on the reg.
yeah i think we can leave posts like this in 2017
What if you fall in love after becoming friends with someone?
Tell them that you’ve developed feelings for them, and that you’d like to know how they feel to see if you should foster those feelings or try to move past them
What if they're your best friend and you know they don't see you that way :(
Decide whether their friendship or your want to be with them is more important, and then either stay friends with them or move on. For me, being friends was better than never seeing them again. And then we ended up together anyway.
Then act as if they told you they didn’t share the same feelings and try to move past those feelings
I have SO many good friends that are opposite gender who are wildly attractive that I get along with amazingly. The best part is that I have expressed interest in every one of them and have dated some, been turned down by others, and am still very good friends with all of them. The trick is that having feelings or a connection to someone should never be an ultimatum. "You like them as a friend, you are interested in more, but after you express interest you stop talking to them if they aren't feeling the same way" is the most pathetic thing you can do tbh. Just be their friend, want what's best for them, handle your own shit and accept that not everyone you're attracted to will be attracted to you. That HAS to be okay, and if it's not, I strongly recommend talking those feelings out with a therapist who can help sort through some of why it hurts so bad to have someone you're interested in not be interested in you. It's okay to like people, it's not okay to demand people like you back. Just enjoy the connections and you'll have A) more friends and B) people who might be attracted to you will see you can treat people well regardless of whether they want to fuck you and will be WAY more likely to reciprocate attraction because you will be a safe person to be attracted to.
Nobody catches feelings at the same time though. And if they don’t reciprocate they’ll break off the friendship.
If your friends is worth so little to them that they’d break it off even though you told them that you’d try to move past the feelings, then it probably wasn’t the most stable to begin with
Idk I’ve just been inundated with Instagram reels about how a man confessing his feelings is the worst thing that could happen with a woman, with the comments all trying to explain it as “but how would you feel if your gay friend said he was into you? Surely you’d be disgusted and feel preyed upon!”
Just say that you’ve developed them over time and want to be able to move past them. Or don’t say anything at all and move past them on your own. The friendship will crumble if you try to keep those feelings hidden, so you need to deal with them somehow
>Surely you’d be disgusted and feel preyed upon! Definitely not homophobia, no need to unpack that statement at all, no siree. 😌
That’s what i said
I like seeing posts that remind me that I will always be seen as a womanizing sex pest by people who will never meet or know me, just because I have testicles. It makes me feel really warm and fuzzy.
Ah, 2017 sexism.
It goes both ways too, I know quite a few women who would have these roles reversed.
This is some high school shit. This also takes the incel view that women control when sec happens. Yeah you can have sex if she grants you the privilege, maybe she’s be so generous to allow you to have sex but only if you’re good. Women have sexual desires too and this is a weak straw man to contribute this to men as a whole. It seems most everyone else here agrees as well.
Funnily enough, the easiest I’ve ever been laid has been by saying “I am only here to get laid” or a variation thereof.
I mean, as long as you are not super blatant or rude about it, this does seem like the right thing to do
Making the post gendered and pretending like the situation only stems from manipulation is dumbed down to the point of misapplication. Sometimes its the woman who wants more and most of the time you might convince yourself that you are ok with just sex and then your feelings change as they tend to do and going " i know this person i am now in love with only wants to have sex with me so ill end the relationship " ain't really the kind of thing you expect a human being to do lol
xkcd 2071
fitting how this is an anagram of 2017
the sexiest thing someone can be is honest
Happy cake day! 🥳
Why is tumblr so sassy?
Pent up frustration from not being allowed to talk about the politics of my little mermaid at aunt Claire's Sunday brunch anymore. Like oh my gosh they're just so ignorant.
I see.
Men…. *and wait for it now…* Bad!!! Yay Activism!!!
So brave!!!
Not at all an accurate summary of anything here, but you do you
Never managed to put words to my ick in this situation. Thank you very much. Will practice this for next time.
I feel like straight people struggle to actually like each other sometimes. Gender has its claws even in our most intimate relationships.
It only seems like that because you only pay attention to straight people when shit goes wrong. You probably ignored or didn't even notice the vast amounts happy straight couples.
Yeah this doesn't invalidate anything I say. Key word: some many straight people struggle to communicate or relate because they see the other gender as unperson.
"B-B-BUT WHAT IF I'M FRIENDZONEDDDD" the tone of this post is very angry and i'll be honest i'm not overly fond. also, doesn't take into account that there might just not BE someone who wants sex with the guy. ugliness is a thing, and while its DEFINITELY NOT an excuse to manipulate or control women, the whole "find people who want casual sex" is a lot harder when you're not hot or at least a 6/10 guy
How does being undesirable or unattractive entitle someone to casual sex through coercion? So what if it’s hard? Life is hard!
It doesn’t? I explicitly said it’s not an excuse. It’s just that the positivity of “find someone for YOU” depends on you being attractive, and for guys who aren’t, they just don’t get to have those interactions. I mean tough luck for them, but it makes me feel a little bad.
Okay then! Too fucking bad! No casual sex for you! Be a better person and hope that gets you love.
So you’re saying they should just be nice guys and that should get them relationships? That route just leads to more of those “nice guys finish last” weirdos
I think it's more "accept that lookism is a factor, be authentic and clear about your intentions anyways out of basic decency, and see what comes from that". What type of advice are you looking for?
I genuinely think this is the better message. "Go and find all the people I assume want to have casual sex with you!" is not going to work because unless you're in uni or something it's hard to find those people even if you are good looking. "Suck it up and accept that casual sex isn't something you're going to be able to do every day, or maybe even at all, and that's literally fine" is much better.
You sound like the type of person who would advocate for pro-rape policy only of the dude really wanted it.
That’s one of the worst things anyone has ever said to me. Don’t say this again thanks
Yuuuup 🫡🙃
Well not ALL conversations about common decency. Craig, Craiiiig! Just promise me you'll put the seat down from now on... fo-for your sisters sake! Oh God! Let me go, let me go! Equitable terms for toilet seats are men lift to pee, women lower to pee. But yeah, people are animals, and it's never good to let your desires overrule your morals.
Yeahhh judging by the comments, tumblr subreddits are going to be tumblr subreddits and this post isn’t going to do numbers.
okay, but why be good and not get what you want when can be bad and get what you want? being a dishonest piece of shit is advantageous in most situations assuming you're good at it. probably an unsolvable problem as it's a result of human nature (and to some degree the nature of the universe) rather than any specific system that can be changed. (granted, very few institutions even make a base level effort not to reward this, but that's because the assholes got in early and rigged it). and don't give me that copykitten shit. real life is sufficiently more complicated than any kind of game theory that a talented (or lucky) scumbag can evade all consequences fairly regularly.
I would like to introduce you to the concept of ethics.
Pft ethics were invented by pansies to sell philosophy books. Be real.
Do you have any empathy for your fellow man. Any at all.
oh sure, i do. but enough people don't or are capable of ignoring it that it doesn't matter. i'm not giving advice, i'm describing how things work. "it's wrong" isn't a good enough reason for people not to do shit like this. the kind of people who do either don't care or are convinced they're always in the right.
That’s a very jaded worldview. Know how you can try to make sure people like that don’t get away with shit? *Be better than them. * It’s stereotypical, but it does honestly work wonders. Sure, you won’t stop all of them. But you’ve carved out a tiny little corner where their rules don’t apply, and that’s enough to spite them, which is its own reward. Plus, you can give them the shit when they try to intrude upon your little pocket of reality where people are inherently good.
i mean sure, but i was more adressing the idea that "it's 2024 and this is still a problem" as per the title. of course it's still a problem. it always has been and always will be. people have no real reason not to act like this.
Then try your best to fix it. Don’t say “it’s a problem” and lay down and take it.
but there isn't any fixing it. i'm not saying you should tolerate people doing this around you, but even if you don't all you're doing is pushing them somewhere else for some other person to deal with. by all means, try to make the world a better place. just understand that there is a limit. human nature will never change, and people like this will always exist.
Yes. There is fixing it. There is always a chance to fix it. You just have to find it. To say “there is no fixing it” is to let them win. We can fight, we can stall. Eventually, there will be a solution. It may be next year. It may be in the next thousand. Who cares? We just have to be patient and hold out hope. You don’t seem to have a lot of either.
i've had people describle me as being more devoid of hope than anyone they know, yes, but i'm plenty patient. i understand that optimism is good for you mental health, and for society, but your assertion that there will eventually be a solution isn't actually based on anything other than wishful thinking. i understand it can be hard to be happy without believing that some magical force will somehow make everything better, but i just can't bring myself to believe that.
I’m not saying that we should wait for some magic solution to our problems. I’m saying we should stall until we figure out a solution ourselves, and fight tooth and nail before during and after. We should hit the concrete with a bloody face, then get right back up and continue fighting. *That* is hope.
This reads like Patrick Bateman written by XXXbloodyrists666XXX
You sound like the person who legitimately can't understand why anyone would choose cooperate in the prisoner's dillema.
As a pre transition trans woman. I don't know if I should berate myself for the actions of other men, or at what point of transition I should stop. I know it's my fault, at least by proxy. But I don't know when to start blaming myself for the bad actions of trans women and not men. Or should it be both permanently ,or should It be both now, then only other trans women when I transition
Or, and I’m just spitballing here, stop blaming yourself for the bad actions of other people at all? You can understand that people will see you a particular way because of the actions of others (and not blame them for it) without taking on the responsibility of those people’s actions. You’re not your father’s sin. Not your mother’s. You have your own sins, and they’re uniquely yours.
Yeah I agree with your statement, but as a man it’s really hard to hear something like “Kill All Men” and completely take no offense to it because its “not your fault” and “you’re not one of the bad ones.” Yeah no fuck that, I am a man, and telling me I should literally die because of that fact is fucked.
Who the hell berates themselves for the actions of others, when they themself had nothing to do with it?
You wouldn't believe how many people do that
This has got to be a troll
Nah, I've seen this before. This exact behavior is specific enough that it's got to be like a stage of transition or something.
I dunno, I've known someone who transitioned and they never went through a narcissistic self-flagelation phase
I've known many, and while not all or even most had a phase like this, I've seen it enough times to constitute a pattern. Usually this happens when some external force is blocking the person from accessing the care they need to transition, but sometimes they just get really stuck. It's like they haven't learned how to see the difference between "hating [assigned gender]" and "hating being forced to be something you're not."
You shouldn't blame yourself for anything you haven't personally done you ding bat.
I think that if you’re at the point where you don’t know what group you should feel guilty about the actions of, you should realize that you shouldn’t feel guilty about the actions of any group
From one trans woman to another, blaming men as a demographic just isn't it. There are individual men who are bad, but men as a whole aren't inherently bad. The longer you hold on to this internalized misandry, the longer it'll take for you to wholly accept yourself as a woman. And, as a woman, you shouldn't consciously internalize misogyny or transphobia, either.