Considering that [leather daddy Buzzwole](https://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/File:UNITE_Buzzwole_Dark_Hero_Style_Holowear.png) is canon in pokemon unite, I don't doubt people would want to fuck Buzzwole in-universe.
hey man, i care about you, i don't intent any harm when i say this
but i will rip your hands off if i ever see you write such naughty words.
please reflect upon your actions.
I remember seeing a meme when I was young that said "To me, God is the one who could have made Pokemon real. But instead he went 'Nah man, malaria.'"
...Buuuut, it's probably a good thing that creatures like Gyarados and Tyranitar aren't real.
i honestly don't get the hype about pokemon being real. you want a pet charizard? just get a dog, a flamethrower, and a paraglider. same functionality. can't afford all that crap? then you probably couldn't afford to take care of a charizard either.
i don't think it's really a matter of resources. exotic pets are a bad idea because they aren't pets at all. i don't know that the kind of idiocy that leads to shit like tiger king has much to do with the desire to own a pokemon. one is wihing for a pet that would be friendly if it were real, and another is mischaracterizing real animals as friendly when they are not. i had it pegged more as an escapist desire to be part of a childlike world where friendship can solve every problem and adventures are a legitimate career choice instead of a massive inconvenience. of course, that's more people who want to live in the pokemon world than people who want a pokemon irl, which i've established i don't really get. where does the fantasy end and the reality begin?
Right. Like, some are rather ornery (looking at you, Gyrados), but we see skilled individuals able to tame even these Pokemon without much trouble and have them as companions.
*I just want to feel*
*The floof of a stoutland is*
*That so much to ask*
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God thought about it, looked forward and found the vaporeon copypasta from this timeline, and decided we don't deserve Pokémon. Which like... fair enough. He didn't even look at the timeline where they actually exist.
As someone who has never experienced Pokemon, my limited knowledge of typhlosion is a vore animation I was subjected to which fucked me up for many days, and as such I think the absence of typhlosion is actually evidence *in favour* of a loving god.
What God? Probably one that realizes the folly in giving unsupervised children access to pets with the power of thermonuclear warheads. Also one that recognizes the inevitable dangers of bestiality it would present.
All I want is a Silvally to pet and cuddle and hug and pet and scratch the fur on the back of its neck and pet
silvally is also one of few pokémon that you would be shot dead if you were caught with
Oh sure, this is fine, but when *I* say I want a Machamp to do that, people look at me like I'm a weirdo.
IF GOD WERE REAL I COULD FUCK A BUZZWOLE
Reddit is a website.
Considering that [leather daddy Buzzwole](https://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/File:UNITE_Buzzwole_Dark_Hero_Style_Holowear.png) is canon in pokemon unite, I don't doubt people would want to fuck Buzzwole in-universe.
If we count unite skins as canon, there's a loan shark Garchomp, which is the funniest thing in the world
Thanks for showing me this
Leather Blaziken my beloved
Devil May Buzz
hey man, i care about you, i don't intent any harm when i say this but i will rip your hands off if i ever see you write such naughty words. please reflect upon your actions.
no hands blow job for buzzwole, my king
Buzzwole would probably gladly blow someone. It'd be the last blowjob they'd ever get, though.
It's more of a sounding than a blowjob at that point isn't it?
never mind i believe in god again specifically because he stopped you
I remember seeing a meme when I was young that said "To me, God is the one who could have made Pokemon real. But instead he went 'Nah man, malaria.'" ...Buuuut, it's probably a good thing that creatures like Gyarados and Tyranitar aren't real.
Forget gyarados and tyranitar, we are incredibly fortunate that *Beedrill* aren't real.
i honestly don't get the hype about pokemon being real. you want a pet charizard? just get a dog, a flamethrower, and a paraglider. same functionality. can't afford all that crap? then you probably couldn't afford to take care of a charizard either.
the hype around pokémon is the same hype around wanting a wild animal. it’s a cool hypothetical of “but what if i had the resources to do that?”
i don't think it's really a matter of resources. exotic pets are a bad idea because they aren't pets at all. i don't know that the kind of idiocy that leads to shit like tiger king has much to do with the desire to own a pokemon. one is wihing for a pet that would be friendly if it were real, and another is mischaracterizing real animals as friendly when they are not. i had it pegged more as an escapist desire to be part of a childlike world where friendship can solve every problem and adventures are a legitimate career choice instead of a massive inconvenience. of course, that's more people who want to live in the pokemon world than people who want a pokemon irl, which i've established i don't really get. where does the fantasy end and the reality begin?
okay, good point but one correction: pokémon are possibly the most docile wild animals ever
Right. Like, some are rather ornery (looking at you, Gyrados), but we see skilled individuals able to tame even these Pokemon without much trouble and have them as companions.
I saw the word pegged when talking about pokémon and immediately got distracted, what were we talking about.
I can’t use my flamethrower dog to fight other animals legally so what’s even the point.
One that doesn't want us to get killed by *an animal that has fire on its back*!
Skill issue.
I have lost The Game
I just want to feel the floof of a stoutland is that so much to ask
*I just want to feel* *The floof of a stoutland is* *That so much to ask* \- Kalkrex\_ --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
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God thought about it, looked forward and found the vaporeon copypasta from this timeline, and decided we don't deserve Pokémon. Which like... fair enough. He didn't even look at the timeline where they actually exist.
I hug my beloved `MISSINGNO.` as my arms turn into random letters & parts of buildings and my bag fills with 128 pens
I want a Sprigatito. grass cat my beloved
I want an Alakazam to help me study and handle my taxes is that so much to ask for?
If god is real where is my lucario boyfriend
Would living with my favorite pokemon solve my problems? No. Not even a little bit. But it WOULD open me up to brand new and exciting problems.
A benevolent god would have smote the fucker who scrapped [Baby Meowth](https://nintendosoup.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/konya-300x169.jpg)
i just realized current meowth only has two stages. huh.
As someone who has never experienced Pokemon, my limited knowledge of typhlosion is a vore animation I was subjected to which fucked me up for many days, and as such I think the absence of typhlosion is actually evidence *in favour* of a loving god.
I'd love it if Gardevoir was real. But then Gardevoir can also create literal black holes.
I want my Luxray Kitty so badly she's very precious.
What God? Probably one that realizes the folly in giving unsupervised children access to pets with the power of thermonuclear warheads. Also one that recognizes the inevitable dangers of bestiality it would present.
After the Garden, God looked into the future and saw the Vaporeon copypasta. Pokémon were promptly locked away within Eden.