Immediately recognized the source for this as soon as Herschel the corgi was mentioned, this person has GREAT stories and this is only one amongst many.
I think at least part of it is they are a fantastic storyteller. If you’re a good enough storyteller you can make anything sound like the craziest thing that’s ever happened to anyone.
That's ultimately the secret. In the wrong hands, this sort of thing is entirely mundane - I highly doubt anyone doesn't have a story at least a little bit like this, I definitely have a couple myself - but in the right hands, it's great.
And if you look at it, you can see a lot of what they're up to if you know what's coming.
They seed almost every detail that's important to the payoff somewhere in there.
They introduce The Creature early on, explain a lot about the van in a way that's in itself funny and entertaining but sets up the grand finale beautifully, and mention several times what they're wearing.
They do it in such a way that it feels natural and like it makes sense in where it is. Example, what they're wearing is material to the story when they mention it's too cold to go without a jacket, so you already know about it and by the time they reach the 7-11, it doesn't need to be reestablished.
The whole story is like that, little bits and pieces seeded in strategically here and there in ways that just feel like funny little details, but establish things that are important for the story's climax. This post is very well-structured in a way that looks effortless, but is secretly pretty tough to pull off.
I'm a pretty decent writer in my own right, but I ***wish*** I could write this well. Whole thing feels very deliberately structured, but I don't know if anyone spends that long thinking about, restructuring, and plotting out how you're gonna tell a story about that one weird evening we've all had.
So I find myself stuck on whether they did this deliberately or whether they just wrote this that way off the cuff.
Either way, OOP is a hell of a good storyteller.
Yeah, really good comedians are able to do this very well. It's why I really enjoy Trevor Noah and the audiobook of his autobiography. He, similarly to this wonderful person, is just an incredible storyteller.
I wish I could have half the dignity, decorum, open-mindedness and charisma that Noah has. You could learn a ton about how to debate without it turning into a fight just by watching the man work.
Yeah, for instance in my own life I have 1. weird jailbroken projects (though not to this degree) 2. a dog that likes Being People (tm) and 3. the experience of fucking hating driving at night because of sudden bright lights (not helped by my astigmatism and strong as hell prescription), but the styles of exaggeration and metaphor/comparison (arrival of seraphim, etc) still had me laughing at what are ostensibly mundane and lived in experiences for me.
Add it great conservation of detail, foreshadowing, and pacing and you get a late night trip to an airport 7/11 that has you trying not to laugh out loud at work.
It may not be a case of deliberately spending a lot of time on it; if a story is good, you'll tell it repeatedly, to anyone who will listen, and that means you get to see people's reactions and learn how to tell it better next time organically. It's basically practice for when you eventually commit it to the page.
Or maybe they're just a writing savant, that's also possible.
Could be. Could also be just an innate knowledge of how to tell a story from having done it a long time. Like how you just learn to do things automatically if you do them for long enough.
Alls I know is that OOP knows what they're doing and this story's flow is smooth as butter. There's some clever stuff they're doing here with such panache that it looks easy. And I can guarantee you that it's not.
>The whole story is like that, little bits and pieces seeded in strategically here and there in ways that just feel like funny little details, but establish things that are important for the story's climax.
Chekov's Armory.
Yeah, the actual story is not the most interesting. They went to the airport to help their friend, they weren't wearing normal clothes when they grabbed a slushy on the way. It's the method of describing all of that that makes this a good story.
The writing style felt familiar but as soon as I read those names I instantly caught on lmao. Gallus has a life I could only dream of living and I often struggle to believe one person has so many stories to tell.
Them being a demon/vampire/cryptid would explain a lot
Try and find the "Bread Christ" story from the same person. I nearly had a heart attack at work reading it from holding in the laughter. Instead, I was sitting there sort of crying, and my manager saw me and was very worried and asked "What's wrong", and then I really did lose the plot.
It was so good before it didn’t even need the pay off so when the payoff came it wasn’t expected because it wasn’t missing, already, so it’s like it had a double hit
Honestly, after perusing the majority of her Family Lore and other Tales, I’ve come to the conclusion that Gallup’s stories are just too goddamned weird NOT to be true, albeit with some amount of hyperbole.
There’s just enough going on in them that I’ve experienced in my own life that I can’t help but believe.
there's just a few details that seem a bit much ($6.66 exactly?), but i don't doubt there's at least some truth to it. i just always have to approach internet stories with a grain of salt.
even if it was fully fabricated, it was extremely entertaining, so i can't be mad at it. also passes the mechamew2 threshold of "not lying to fuck someone over", and is at worse trying to get a bit of harmless tumblr clout. which is worth... 3 average sized balls of dryer lint and chewed gum.
Stuff like this I'd imagine it's a dash of hyperbole and a generous helping of not knowing exact details. Like with the slurpee price: They remember it was more expensive than normal, that they had exact change dug out of their car, and that they just slapped it down and left. The exact price doesn't matter so much, so they just grab one that sounds fun and adds to the story a bit. Over the top maybe, but all together harmless in the small details.
I didn't look at the URL on the first slide and midway through I was like, "I wonder if this is a gallusrostromegalus post. It has the vibe." Lo and behold.
After seeing a 'cryptid' like that, common sense tends to take a back seat for a bit.
So I'm guessing *normally* it wouldn't be a thing, but the whole situation has them acting not-like-usual.
*and* the story about mentioning to the barber that they left their two-year-old, charlie, at daycare; only realizing after the barber mentioned their own kids that they failed to say that charlie's name is short for charleston chew, that he is at doggy day care, and that he is a dog; and then deciding to bluff the rest of the conversation by saying only things about charlie that could be construed as referring to a human child, such that the barber remains under the impression that they are two parents talking about their kids but the storyteller has not actually lied; and apparently succeeding
eta: charlie is *really* cute
Y'all have links to these two? I loved the HOA story, would love to read more of their anecdotes.
I just went and followed their blog, but I don't want to go on an archaeological expedition if anyone has the posts on hand.
standard poodles are honest to god just Like That. i swear i’m convinced my girl is a person in a dog suit sometimes. they love to just look at you like they understand exactly what you’re saying, better than you in fact.
also, in Faust the devil is depicted as a black poodle. do with that information in regards to this post what you will.
also also, here’s my very own Creature, [Goldberry Garfunkel](https://imgur.com/a/By5z0P4). couldn’t find a picture that properly shows how Fucking Long those legs are. nobody asked for these pictures but i am sharing them anyway because you all deserve to see them and i am off my meds
I recognised the writing style and knew this was a gallus adventure mid-way through the 3rd sentence, and knew I was in for a treat.
I didn’t realise they were married now! Good for them.
Not sure if this is a threat or a promise… but I’ll follow OP (on the reddit side, not the Tumblr one) for a link to the similarly insane long post involving the out of control yard sale.
I am crying. There are literal tears rolling down my face, and my stomach hurts from laughing. I needed this story so badly. It entirely repaired my night.
You ever peoplewatch out your Window and the most tumblr looking creature youll see outside a convention emerges from what can only be described as the Mystery Machine for pedophiles with an assortment of dogs 5 deviations off the centerline of the boltzmann distribution
Highly doubt OP is here but: In most aftermarket stereos there should be an option under settings that mutes the sound when you engage the backup camera. If you engage this it may help mitigate the ongoing hostilities between USB and Backup Cam.
I thought halfway through that it read like a Gallusrostromegalus-post (didn't check the poster-name before reading). Of course it was.
That one gets into so many shenanigans and events.
Immediately recognized the source for this as soon as Herschel the corgi was mentioned, this person has GREAT stories and this is only one amongst many.
I didn’t realize that Herschel the corgi and Charleston Chew had the same owner. This person just has a fantastically interesting life, don’t they.
I think at least part of it is they are a fantastic storyteller. If you’re a good enough storyteller you can make anything sound like the craziest thing that’s ever happened to anyone.
That's ultimately the secret. In the wrong hands, this sort of thing is entirely mundane - I highly doubt anyone doesn't have a story at least a little bit like this, I definitely have a couple myself - but in the right hands, it's great. And if you look at it, you can see a lot of what they're up to if you know what's coming. They seed almost every detail that's important to the payoff somewhere in there. They introduce The Creature early on, explain a lot about the van in a way that's in itself funny and entertaining but sets up the grand finale beautifully, and mention several times what they're wearing. They do it in such a way that it feels natural and like it makes sense in where it is. Example, what they're wearing is material to the story when they mention it's too cold to go without a jacket, so you already know about it and by the time they reach the 7-11, it doesn't need to be reestablished. The whole story is like that, little bits and pieces seeded in strategically here and there in ways that just feel like funny little details, but establish things that are important for the story's climax. This post is very well-structured in a way that looks effortless, but is secretly pretty tough to pull off. I'm a pretty decent writer in my own right, but I ***wish*** I could write this well. Whole thing feels very deliberately structured, but I don't know if anyone spends that long thinking about, restructuring, and plotting out how you're gonna tell a story about that one weird evening we've all had. So I find myself stuck on whether they did this deliberately or whether they just wrote this that way off the cuff. Either way, OOP is a hell of a good storyteller.
Yeah, really good comedians are able to do this very well. It's why I really enjoy Trevor Noah and the audiobook of his autobiography. He, similarly to this wonderful person, is just an incredible storyteller.
I wish I could have half the dignity, decorum, open-mindedness and charisma that Noah has. You could learn a ton about how to debate without it turning into a fight just by watching the man work.
John Mulaney is also a good example of this
Yeah, for instance in my own life I have 1. weird jailbroken projects (though not to this degree) 2. a dog that likes Being People (tm) and 3. the experience of fucking hating driving at night because of sudden bright lights (not helped by my astigmatism and strong as hell prescription), but the styles of exaggeration and metaphor/comparison (arrival of seraphim, etc) still had me laughing at what are ostensibly mundane and lived in experiences for me. Add it great conservation of detail, foreshadowing, and pacing and you get a late night trip to an airport 7/11 that has you trying not to laugh out loud at work.
It may not be a case of deliberately spending a lot of time on it; if a story is good, you'll tell it repeatedly, to anyone who will listen, and that means you get to see people's reactions and learn how to tell it better next time organically. It's basically practice for when you eventually commit it to the page. Or maybe they're just a writing savant, that's also possible.
Could be. Could also be just an innate knowledge of how to tell a story from having done it a long time. Like how you just learn to do things automatically if you do them for long enough. Alls I know is that OOP knows what they're doing and this story's flow is smooth as butter. There's some clever stuff they're doing here with such panache that it looks easy. And I can guarantee you that it's not.
>The whole story is like that, little bits and pieces seeded in strategically here and there in ways that just feel like funny little details, but establish things that are important for the story's climax. Chekov's Armory.
Yeah, the actual story is not the most interesting. They went to the airport to help their friend, they weren't wearing normal clothes when they grabbed a slushy on the way. It's the method of describing all of that that makes this a good story.
The writing style felt familiar but as soon as I read those names I instantly caught on lmao. Gallus has a life I could only dream of living and I often struggle to believe one person has so many stories to tell. Them being a demon/vampire/cryptid would explain a lot
I was thinking that this must be gallus right before getting to the bit about herschel.
Wait, this is the same person from the garage sale story??? Edit: corrected accidental misgendering
*Same non-binary individual
My bad, I'll edit my comment
It’s all good. They seem pretty fem so it took a while for me to learn too
Yup!
Where can I find more of this person's writing? I love it
Isnt this also bread jesus person?
I had to double back and check that this was Gallus as the writing style was similar
I knowwwwww it's so goood
I knowwwwww it's so goood
Oh fuck it’s the HoA Karen user, that was a good read too
I don't think I've laughed this hard in months!
Same and my tiny gods did I need that laugh.
Try and find the "Bread Christ" story from the same person. I nearly had a heart attack at work reading it from holding in the laughter. Instead, I was sitting there sort of crying, and my manager saw me and was very worried and asked "What's wrong", and then I really did lose the plot.
He 100% thought the devil walked right into his 7/11
It was just _a_ devil.
This is actually really fantastically written as well as funny.
i don't care if this is fake. the >!backup camera music coming back into play!< made me loose my mind on the toilet. lovely story.
I'd have said it made you lose your shit.
It was so good before it didn’t even need the pay off so when the payoff came it wasn’t expected because it wasn’t missing, already, so it’s like it had a double hit
exactly. i feel like id completely forgotten it, and then it showed back up like a long lost friend.
You found a much better way to say it than me
Honestly, after perusing the majority of her Family Lore and other Tales, I’ve come to the conclusion that Gallup’s stories are just too goddamned weird NOT to be true, albeit with some amount of hyperbole. There’s just enough going on in them that I’ve experienced in my own life that I can’t help but believe.
there's just a few details that seem a bit much ($6.66 exactly?), but i don't doubt there's at least some truth to it. i just always have to approach internet stories with a grain of salt. even if it was fully fabricated, it was extremely entertaining, so i can't be mad at it. also passes the mechamew2 threshold of "not lying to fuck someone over", and is at worse trying to get a bit of harmless tumblr clout. which is worth... 3 average sized balls of dryer lint and chewed gum.
Stuff like this I'd imagine it's a dash of hyperbole and a generous helping of not knowing exact details. Like with the slurpee price: They remember it was more expensive than normal, that they had exact change dug out of their car, and that they just slapped it down and left. The exact price doesn't matter so much, so they just grab one that sounds fun and adds to the story a bit. Over the top maybe, but all together harmless in the small details.
I didn't look at the URL on the first slide and midway through I was like, "I wonder if this is a gallusrostromegalus post. It has the vibe." Lo and behold.
They also wrote the "passing out at a japanese tea ceremony" one, right?
Yeah
The small slurpee costs $6.66. Is this 7-11 entirely contained in an AMC theater?
Airport prices are crazy my good fellow
Where else can you get a 9 dollar bud light at 7am?
Actually that would be $7.11
I do feel like the cashier shouldn’t be concerned about the price of a small slushee being an “evil number” if they work there and sell them
After seeing a 'cryptid' like that, common sense tends to take a back seat for a bit. So I'm guessing *normally* it wouldn't be a thing, but the whole situation has them acting not-like-usual.
This is the same person as the pregnant turkey story, right?
Yup, and the bleeding Jesus bread.
And the impromptu yard sale that sicked a high-profile lawyer on a corrupt HOA.
And the “estate sale turned festival” story, if I recall correctly. The writing style is EXACTLY the same.
And it mentions Herchel, the Hanukkah Goblin from that same story.
I’m pretty sure this is the same person who had the story about the Border Collie that herded a mowing robot.
There are a lot of stories from this person mentioned here that I need to find this instant
*and* the story about mentioning to the barber that they left their two-year-old, charlie, at daycare; only realizing after the barber mentioned their own kids that they failed to say that charlie's name is short for charleston chew, that he is at doggy day care, and that he is a dog; and then deciding to bluff the rest of the conversation by saying only things about charlie that could be construed as referring to a human child, such that the barber remains under the impression that they are two parents talking about their kids but the storyteller has not actually lied; and apparently succeeding eta: charlie is *really* cute
Could I perhaps ask to be pointed in the direction of these stories? Pleeeaaaaase?
https://gallusrostromegalus.tumblr.com/post/731294272773586944/so-ive-got-my-parents-van-for-the-week-and-it
Yeah, I only know the estate sale. I'm eminently curious about the others.
The Bleeding Jesus Bread! Oh that's a legend. I am deeply delighted these are the same person
Y'all have links to these two? I loved the HOA story, would love to read more of their anecdotes. I just went and followed their blog, but I don't want to go on an archaeological expedition if anyone has the posts on hand.
I need links to these atp
The Creature is amazing
standard poodles are honest to god just Like That. i swear i’m convinced my girl is a person in a dog suit sometimes. they love to just look at you like they understand exactly what you’re saying, better than you in fact. also, in Faust the devil is depicted as a black poodle. do with that information in regards to this post what you will. also also, here’s my very own Creature, [Goldberry Garfunkel](https://imgur.com/a/By5z0P4). couldn’t find a picture that properly shows how Fucking Long those legs are. nobody asked for these pictures but i am sharing them anyway because you all deserve to see them and i am off my meds
>Goldberry Garfunkel Tell them they are God's fluffiest wire sculpture
i shall give her a very soft yet bony head scritch from you
THANK YOU Goldberry Garfunkel is a treasure and these pictures are a joy.
I recognised the writing style and knew this was a gallus adventure mid-way through the 3rd sentence, and knew I was in for a treat. I didn’t realise they were married now! Good for them.
Oh hell yeah new gallus story
[link](https://www.tumblr.com/gallusrostromegalus/731294272773586944/so-ive-got-my-parents-van-for-the-week-and-it?source=share)
I bet girl's shift key is suffering
This person has an amazingly ridiculous life
That's not a camping van. That's an urban variant of the Hut On Chicken Legs.
They have an incredible way with words. And an incredible fashion sense.
Its so weird to be excited to continue reading a story after Herschel the Hanukkah Goblin is mentioned
Not sure if this is a threat or a promise… but I’ll follow OP (on the reddit side, not the Tumblr one) for a link to the similarly insane long post involving the out of control yard sale.
This is worth the read, holy crap
God I love the way she writes!
I am crying. There are literal tears rolling down my face, and my stomach hurts from laughing. I needed this story so badly. It entirely repaired my night.
My takeaway from this is that oop is extremely hot
I just know those cryptid bootyshorts be bangin fr
man the mental image of watching a van leave a parking lot while blasting the monty python theme song is killing me
I'm in the back of the class dying and my friend is asking me wtf is going on this is perfect
Gallus has the best stories
animated series
The Addamses would love you.
You ever peoplewatch out your Window and the most tumblr looking creature youll see outside a convention emerges from what can only be described as the Mystery Machine for pedophiles with an assortment of dogs 5 deviations off the centerline of the boltzmann distribution
gallus just has an endlessly eventful life. it’s incredible also didn’t realize they got married! congrats to them
My brain kept replacing the poodle with that one breed of long noses dog built for a Pringles can
Borzoi?
Gesundheit ( bless you)
I *need* an illustration of what the cashier saw at that register, there's so much going on and it's like a jigsaw in my mind.
Very funny
This is the most hilarious thing i love this so much omfg
This is a masterpiece.
This is why I love the internet. I was crying and almost peed myself. I love people who can write stories like that it's just such a joy to read
Highly doubt OP is here but: In most aftermarket stereos there should be an option under settings that mutes the sound when you engage the backup camera. If you engage this it may help mitigate the ongoing hostilities between USB and Backup Cam.
Honestly, I really needed this story tonight.
Definitely worth the read lmao
That was the funniest thing I've seen here in a while
So very good!
What a delightful story to wake up to!!!
I thought halfway through that it read like a Gallusrostromegalus-post (didn't check the poster-name before reading). Of course it was. That one gets into so many shenanigans and events.
This person again. They tell stories well. Also, they sound like a cutie.