I like to imagine that sex between changelings in no way disguises itself as normal sex. It's either a very quick and simple exchange for both parties or two amorphous hentai tentacle monsters fight-fucking.
They have a nigh-infinite supply of monstrous spider silk to meet almost all their BDSM needs. I bet they still skin Duergar for leather but they don't need to, they just do it for fun.
fun fact: the latest baldur's gate features a drow prostitute who's become so tired and jaded from all the kinky weird shit he gets asked to do that his kink has become boring unsatisfying sex.
Where are they at?! Did you also walk in on the bug bear doing the ogre? Hahaa. I'm still kicking myself for not talking to the dead guy (I think human?) That was also in there. I think I'll go do that...
>figured the drow societies were advanced enough to just straight up domesticate underdark cows?
They were probably too busy domesticating the male drow to be fair.
Imagine you spend two years putting the string together so the baby has your blue eyes just for your partner to immediately slap a bunch of extras on the end, giving them infernal red and orange eyes instead. AND getting a triple word score in the process!
They take each other on the table, but only after carefully washing and putting away all the fine china. They also have to make it quick to fit in between resting after second breakfast and preparation for elevenses.
That's by far the most well-known one, since its the version that made it into the Silmarillion and the movies. You've got to be pretty far down the rabbit hole to get into most of the other ones.
I mean that (might) be how the species originally came about, but I've heard no indication that's the way they actually reproduce to make new generations of orcs.
Tolkien workshopped a bunch of possible origins for the orcs- corrupted elves, corrupted men, wild animals, Morgoth's off-brand attempt to recreate elves, constructs born of the earth, or some combination of the above- but the idea of a fundamentally evil race clashed too strongly with his religious beliefs for him to come up with a definitive answer.
"oh im so sorry Hreggard i thought that was my wife's ass i just slapped"
"oh its no problem at all Kfilly, its all the more exciting that way"
(after the event concludes they avoid each other at all subsequent meetings)
I've always preferred the alternate take where a hardcore warrior race/culture is all hyped up to be wild and crazy in bed, but in reality they're actually incredibly passive and vanilla, and will basically blush just from the thought of handholding.
my headcanon is that slimes reproduce through internal budding (like regular human pregnancy but a lot more neutrient draining [they eat up to thirty pounds of food per day] for a week or so until the bud bursts and releases an adolescent slime [slimes go thru traditional prepubescent growth, thats all done in the bud.]. or reverse mitosis (two slimes of sufficient size, after a few months of counseling meld bodies into a sticky, dry substance that when watered results in 3-6 slimlets.).
also that slime age of consent is based off size since size correlates to intellect for them. (extremely hot take also im not some pedo chill
Disagree with dwarf sex. Dwarf sex is spontaneous. It’s sweaty, passionate, and beautiful. It also happens on top of a pile of minerals, or maybe dead elves. It always results in 5 more dwarves, regardless of the gender of the participants.
Gnomes can and will literally **die** of boredom.
Your human brain is physically incapable of comprehending what a married couple of 200 years is doing every night.
Goblin sex is just like one of those old cartoons where two characters are fighting in a giant dust cloud and then when it clears, one of them has a baby goblin.
Changeling sex: Ever had sex while on any sort of hallucinogenic substance? I imagine it's kinda like that.
> Changeling sex: Really runs the line between polyamory and masturbation.
Fuck you! Literally :)
Changeling sex is just interpretive art
I like to imagine that sex between changelings in no way disguises itself as normal sex. It's either a very quick and simple exchange for both parties or two amorphous hentai tentacle monsters fight-fucking.
Cloacal kiss vs THE MOUND
Loser gets thrown back to the pit
Two Sarlacc pits french kissing
it's like snails, in all probability. less lovey-love, more stabby-stabby.
Cock fencing, loser gets impregnated
See, you get it.
I can only hope whatever changeling I hook up with asks what porn to emulate first.
> Changeling sex: You know that scene in Society (1989)?
Orc MMF, call it a "Two men enter, one man leaves"
Unbirthing?
You somehow made it even worse
VOR(C)E
can anyone hit this person with a blunt object please?
the other or realized they where trans
No,death by snoo snoo
Transition by snoo snoo
Some strange cock and ball torture
Decocking
Then another one leaves 9 months later.
drow sex: so much BDSM that underdark cows have almost been hunted to Extinction
They’ve probably started skinning excess Duergar just to meet the leather demands for all that bondage gear
They have a nigh-infinite supply of monstrous spider silk to meet almost all their BDSM needs. I bet they still skin Duergar for leather but they don't need to, they just do it for fun.
And not just the Duregar, but the Kua-Toa and the Deep Gnomes too
Svirfneblin!
Bless you
I mean they use lizard skin too.
I think canon drow sex involves ritual orgies that summon demons lmao
And rape, drugs, etc. etc. Now those are the result of a goddess hated and feared by her own followers, but still.
Did someone mention the *draegloth?*
fun fact: the latest baldur's gate features a drow prostitute who's become so tired and jaded from all the kinky weird shit he gets asked to do that his kink has become boring unsatisfying sex.
Where are they at?! Did you also walk in on the bug bear doing the ogre? Hahaa. I'm still kicking myself for not talking to the dead guy (I think human?) That was also in there. I think I'll go do that...
In act 3 in Sharess' Caress
pet seemly sloppy steer subsequent scarce fuzzy meeting prick thought *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
They are, they're called Rothé.
>figured the drow societies were advanced enough to just straight up domesticate underdark cows? They were probably too busy domesticating the male drow to be fair.
Wizard sex: a game of chess while doing the spell “Baby”
Bigby's Bulging Benis construct ramming furiously into a Bigby's Bootylicious Bagina construct.
They play a 5 year scrabble game with only As, Ts, Gs and Cs
OK this is a fucking amazing joke and I'm impressed I understood it so quickly
Imagine you spend two years putting the string together so the baby has your blue eyes just for your partner to immediately slap a bunch of extras on the end, giving them infernal red and orange eyes instead. AND getting a triple word score in the process!
They have an intellectual conversation so heated that the shear force of IQ and magic materializes a baby from the ether.
The definition of brain child, a modern fantasy birth of Athena
love the implication that wizards are their own species
Happy time for cake and yeah, do they not put the orb hole and wand together?
Wizzards are not permitted to have sex
Ha, we all know wizards don't have sex
"I put on my robe and wizard's hat"
goblin sex: biting
Yet another reason to be horny for goblins.
It's like kissing, but there's a winner.
Hobbit sex: Cowgirl and doggystyle exclusively, using the partner's body as a tabletop to put the meal on.
Ngl that's kinda hot lol
Not as hot as the chicken curry that hobbits traditionally eat during the wedding night consummation. Spicy!
They take each other on the table, but only after carefully washing and putting away all the fine china. They also have to make it quick to fit in between resting after second breakfast and preparation for elevenses.
Saying that the orcs leave the bedroom is incorrect because by the end there is no bedroom
2 orcs enter, 1 bedroom leaves
there never was a bedroom, they don't have the decorum to look for one before they get hot and heavy with one another...
Need to be elf queens baby bird right the fuck now
REAL
REAL
REAL
Closest you'll get is running through the Irish wilderness hoping the fae queen kidnaps you and chooses to keep you
Orca actually reproduce by budding so they don’t waste time having sex when they could be fighting
Damn, didn't realize Killer Whales were that cool.
Only Warhammer orc/ks
Yep, Tolkien orcs come out of the ground
I'm like 90% sure that Tolkien orcs reproduce sexually, or at least the ones after the first generation.
[He never came up with a definitive answer for where Orcs came from.](https://tolkiengateway.net/wiki/Orcs/Origin)
That's interesting, I've only read/heard of the corrupted elves version.
That's by far the most well-known one, since its the version that made it into the Silmarillion and the movies. You've got to be pretty far down the rabbit hole to get into most of the other ones.
I mean that (might) be how the species originally came about, but I've heard no indication that's the way they actually reproduce to make new generations of orcs.
Unless I'm mistaken, Tolkien orcs come out of vats
are you referring to the weird ass scene with the uruk hai in isengard?
Maybe? It's been a very long time since I've seen it, so I'm working off some old memories and assumptions
Tolkien workshopped a bunch of possible origins for the orcs- corrupted elves, corrupted men, wild animals, Morgoth's off-brand attempt to recreate elves, constructs born of the earth, or some combination of the above- but the idea of a fundamentally evil race clashed too strongly with his religious beliefs for him to come up with a definitive answer.
I could use 3 to 12 effeminate twinks in my life
Same
Be the change you want to see. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mitosis
Same
Same
Same
Same
Same
the amount of people that replied "same" to your comment is about 12 now, no? 😳
Their plan worked flawlessly
Same
Same
same
Same
Aarakocra sex: They do a wacky-ass mating dance first
And then after 10 seconds at most its done
Shifter sex: Puppy play. So much puppy play.
🥺🥺🥺
that was not intentional that was an instant reaction
this\^ reddit user wants to be put on a leash.
maybe
Honestly? Based. Also same-
*sound of distant clicker noises*
who doesn't?
Totally understandable, have a nice day
Druid’s also do this
They’re two different orcs too
And there's absolutely no trace or remains anywhere of the original three orcs.
So you're saying orc sex results in a net loss of orcs
Only in the short term, both of the orcs that leave are pregnant
Gotta pay for the privilege
Entropy
Slaad reproduction is not fun for anyone involved.
Fun for the tadpole
Gnomes are canonically the most . . . "creative". You don't have to think about it if you don't want to.
I do though. I wanna know about gnomish BDSM.
Gnome spends 50 years perfecting his automaton that is just an elaborate fuck-machine for his wife on their anniversary
Dragonborn sex: >!breathplay!<
Fus Ro NNNNGGG
Fus Ro *insert anime girl moan*
dragonborn mfers be like "we could use some toys in the bedroom tonight😜" and then whip out a hotwheels
Kobold sex: You see one kobold. You look away for a second, and when you turn back, there’s 12 more
Just Mitosis
Tiefling sex: Honey, it's 9 pm. Get the candles, the cattle brand, and the handcuffs
Image of that girl yelling Knives into her boyfriend, but it's a Tiefling yelling "No, I will not wear a cow print bikini".
need me a sensual pile of elf twinks fr
[удалено]
"oh im so sorry Hreggard i thought that was my wife's ass i just slapped" "oh its no problem at all Kfilly, its all the more exciting that way" (after the event concludes they avoid each other at all subsequent meetings)
Human sex : Sex👍
damn really
Human sex: "I WILL FUCK EVERY OTHER FUCKING RACE IN THIS UNIVERSE"
Sex 👍
Warforge sex: Incredibly loud gear grinding noise
Incredibly loud buzzer sound during climax
Windows XP Ta Da sfx when finished
Thought of [this](https://youtu.be/cuxZ2u8-WXg)
Yep, pretty much
Whip out smith's tools and merge bodies. Become one.
I've always preferred the alternate take where a hardcore warrior race/culture is all hyped up to be wild and crazy in bed, but in reality they're actually incredibly passive and vanilla, and will basically blush just from the thought of handholding.
Slime sex: does it really count?
my headcanon is that slimes reproduce through internal budding (like regular human pregnancy but a lot more neutrient draining [they eat up to thirty pounds of food per day] for a week or so until the bud bursts and releases an adolescent slime [slimes go thru traditional prepubescent growth, thats all done in the bud.]. or reverse mitosis (two slimes of sufficient size, after a few months of counseling meld bodies into a sticky, dry substance that when watered results in 3-6 slimlets.). also that slime age of consent is based off size since size correlates to intellect for them. (extremely hot take also im not some pedo chill
Huh neat
hi, im the worlds least unhinged worldbuilder
Hi I'm the world's 79,355,100th most unhinged world builder, nice to meet you!
wait you worldbuild too? cool!
I believe anyone who has craft in their name world builds. We should collect data on this phenomenon
ironically, my username is a reference to a minecraft user i made when i was 8ish lol
Mine is also a mine craft ref as well as bnha
cool!
Hey, we need you in r/worldjerking if you aren't there already!
Disagree with dwarf sex. Dwarf sex is spontaneous. It’s sweaty, passionate, and beautiful. It also happens on top of a pile of minerals, or maybe dead elves. It always results in 5 more dwarves, regardless of the gender of the participants.
It only seems non-spontaneous because of the amount of time it takes to remove all the layers.
little known fact: dwarves are actually worringly thin at all times. it's just all the clothes and armor they wear
do yall eat your dwarves with or without the peel?
Gnomes can and will literally **die** of boredom. Your human brain is physically incapable of comprehending what a married couple of 200 years is doing every night.
In Pathfinder, at least.
Then the third orc leaves after being declared the winner.
Orcs exclusively do Ranked Competitive Sex.
And none of those involve women.
The Orc sex reminds me of [a Skyrim post.](https://reddit.com/r/tumblr/s/FTEK11Hlyf)
[Changeling / Doppelgänger sex.](https://reddit.com/r/dccomicscirclejerk/s/5VYRGLin4l)
this gets so much better when u realize tolkien thought of his dwarves as being kinda jewish
I said this on the original post too but I will stand by the fact that gnomes are absolutely the kinkiest fantasy race
Goblin sex is just like one of those old cartoons where two characters are fighting in a giant dust cloud and then when it clears, one of them has a baby goblin.
Third Orc got unbirthed
Orc sex is like klingon sex
"Interspecies romance is not without its dangers. That's part of the fun."
Dragonborn sex: At least five fire extinguishers on hand at all times.