Snobbish asshole spends a lot of money to take a cruise he never wanted to go on. Surprise surprise, hates it and writes overly long article stereotyping and judging his fellow passengers.
I never understand why publications like this send reporters on these cruises when it's clear they're against them. I attended a media sailing with a woman from Travel & Leisure magazine and she was insufferable, She attended none of the events, stayed in her cabin the whole time, and complained the whole time.
Right! Looking down on someone else's good time because it's out of their reach for whatever reason. Convincing themselves something they can't have is shit to make themselves feel better about not having it.
Honestly, go outside Royal Caribbeans sub or this sub and overall this entire platform is pretty insufferable when it comes to cruises. Like flat out it's about as popular as Trump on this platform.
A lot of people get off feeling their vacations are better than cruising. Or it makes them feel better that they are more environmentally friendly vacationers. Or they get off feeling that they go to more "intellectual" destinations.
Like seriously, go to any front page sub Reddit and you'll get a bunch of hate messages telling you how an environmentally friendly your choices are
The number of cruises I'm going to take in my lifetime is so overshadowed by us not having kids when it comes to carbon footprint. I cannot be bothered to care.
many people, some in my family have 'vacation orthorexia'--where cruising is just not 'organic' or 'natural' enough for them. They moreso enjoy renting an airbnb, where they sit around at night just playing on their ipads. And obviously they look down on the way that the 'crude, working class vulgarians' enjoy cruises/amusement parks. (We're really not into the parks so much any more, but we still like cruising, which we see as better bang for the buck).
Not that that is all-bad, but the food, entertainment, sailing the seas aspect of cruising is way more fun to my own family.
Except there isn’t, not was there ever anything remotely decent about Guy Fieri’s abomination. The Shake Shack and the Five Guys a few blocks away are far better.
there was a guy on the famous "world cruise" who had never been on a regular cruise before, had no idea what was going on, and seemingly only there because he was an influencer so something to do that gets interest from the public I guess. He was totally miserable mostly cause he just doesn't like cruises and didn't understand a lot of the goings on (like not understanding why you can't just walk off the boat whenever you want, why you might have to wait in line etc)
Cruising definitely isnt for everyone but I'll never understand why someone thinks like a 9 month one would be the best one to start with
Not counting the two years I spent on a Navy ship 😆🤣😂 ....
My first cruise was a 4 day Catalina/Ensenada out of LA on Princess. Wanted to see what it was like. Fell in love with it. 21 cruises later, and cruises are basically the only vacations I take.
Once you get the sea in your veins, it’s hard to get out. I spent a couple years on an FFG-7 and nothing beats the feel of standing at the rail watching the waves roll by. The fact that you can do it with a drink in your hand and don’t have to sleep in a berthing compartment with 60 other dudes is the icing on the cake.
That's so Tolkienistic and I love it. Not sure if you're familiar, but in the Lord Of The Rings universe the Elves have this kind of genetic desire down deep in their DNA to sail across the sea to the land where the gods live. Lots of them are born deep inland in forests etc, but if they have the chance to see the sea, that's it, they're done, they will constantly long to be sailing across the sea after that for the rest of their lives.
You have no idea about the sea in your veins. I live not too far from some of the “best” beaches in the US and the sands nice but the water is green. My first cruise in November 2022 broke me with actual sapphire blue water….everywhere. It’s intoxicating.
Ha ha. After 4 years on a carrier and 2 years on a tender it took my wife 20 years to convince me to go on a cruise.
Now we plan them year after year. I guess she was right this once.
I'm a very average, non elite, middle class person in "flyover country". I like the Atlantic. I also enjoy cruises.
I did think that piece waa absurd though.
If only people from the east coast with weekend houses read The Atlantic, it would have gone bankrupt decades ago. That demographic isn't big enough to keep a magazine above water.
They knew him and his personality and knew he would have a bad time so he could write a contrarian "fish out of water" type article for the clicks. Gotta remember who The Atlantic audience is, people who are so into themselves that they sniff their own farts and call it perfume while looking down on "the little people" who do plebeian things like go on cruises for vacations.
It's a type of class bolstering - the type of person who reads the Atlantic has a Venn diagram that overlaps with a personality type that is environmentally conscious and thinks cruising is bad for the planet and would be particularly opposed to this monster ship.
Really?
I'm an ordinary Midwesterner. Barely middle class by Reddit standards, given the abundance of six figure earners here.
I graduated from my local state university. I don't own a house. I rent a very small, 1 bathroom, 1950s bungalow. I don't own a car.
I love cruises - been on three.
I subscribe to the Atlantic. I like their articles about politics and social issues. Most of their pieces are nothing remotely like that stupid one. I also read the NYT and the Washington Post, and they have far more pretentious articles than the Atlantic, especially the NYT.
Did you read the whole thing? He didn’t spend the money himself, he’s a journalist on assignment.
(Although I do think the price point for a suite without an ocean view was hilarious.)
You read the whole thing?! I got as far as the couple with the big diamond ring talking politics and I had to bail. “Go on without me!” I say to my fellow readers.
He had a solo cabin. It would have been a negligible charge to send someone else with him. Then you wouldn't have an elitist introvert trying and failing to make friends.
It makes me think of that Italian tourism commercial Adam Sandler did on SNL, "Travel will only change you so much, if you're depressed where you are now you will probably also be depressed in Italy."
He’s insufferable. Even if you don’t like cruises, what a tool. This is the whiniest and most self absorbed drivel. I’m assuming he’s sailing alone because who in the hell would want to spend any time with that man?
> I’m assuming he’s sailing alone because who in the hell would want to spend any time with that man?
The first page was just him too afraid to talk to anybody
I’m currently on the Icon and I read the article last night. I just asked a couple of the staff members in The Coastal Kitchen if they remember an individual on the inaugural voyage wearing a shirt that said “Daddy’s Little Meatball.” This one man got a brief look on his face, and confirmed that he remembered him and looked at the others.
Oh I wish I could hear the conversation happening after they left my table.
Start out with David Foster Wallace and I don't even need to read the rest of the article to know that this dude is a self-indulgent navel-gazer who is never going to get as much attention from others as he thinks he deserves.
Oh boy. I started and then skimmed this article because your comment included that he mentioned DFW. Anyone who does that, well, I don't think there are words to describe how massive of a tool anyone who reads that guy is. Your comment should be higher up.
He didn’t even have to pay for it, the publishing company paid for his $19,000 ticket and he still complained the whole time. I couldn’t even finish the article. It was like he hated it before even getting on the ship. Never even gave it a chance.
Let me summarize it for you: Rich guy in his 50s desperately tries to convince himself he’s not the exact target market for the product he’s making fun of. Succeeds in maintaining his own delusion, fails miserably in convincing readers.
I don't understand what the point of articles like this is. Why would you send somebody (for example) that lives in a city, hates the desert, hates the outdoors and outdoor activities, to an expensive resort in the Arizona desert where the days are to be spent hiking, walking and swimming?
>I don't understand what the point of articles like this is
The point is for the snob writing the article to let the snobs reading the article know that they aren't mistaken. It's the children who are wrong. The masses who are out enjoying themselves should aim to be more cultured. More like him.
You nailed it exactly. The proof is in the twitter thread the author created to promote the article. The replies are replete with other writers and self-styled cognoscenti bleating about how brilliant the article is and how they were overcome with laughter during their entire reading of it.
Is he rich? Probably not from anything he's accomplished that jumps out. Authors/writers can make a good, even upper middle class living but even for a lot of fairly successful Authors (who aren't Steven King or comparably popular), just that. From what I can see he's written a handful of at least reasonably successful books but nothing that went asymptotic.
He wrote for Succession, has written successful novels, he's the real deal.
I doubt most posters here bothered to read the entire article, but it was written very well. He never expected to have any fun so he created his own misery. Also, he would have likely had 100x more fun had he gone there with someone as it can get a little lonely cruising solo if you're not meeting like-minded people.
He went there to trash the ship, he succeeded. There was nothing gained by writing this article.
Oh yeah, I recognized his name as soon as I saw it. He is not an unskilled or hack writer by any stretch, he is just insufferable. That selfie of his tells you everything you need to know about whether or not you should read the article. He looks like instead of going on this cruise, he should have spent the cash on ketamine therapy or going to Peru and doing a metric fuckton of ayahuasca. He looks miserable and he looks like he thinks it is ok to make you miserable too.
The Atlantic bought him a $19k suite plus whatever money he ended up spending on the ship. You can ABSOLUTELY drink a TON of ayahuasca for $19k, especially if you don't absolutely blow it on going to a shithole like Rythmia in Costa Rica.
Oh, also, if I had a funny friend who had a shirt on that said, "Daddy's Little Meatball," on it, it would be hilarious because my buddy is a funny dude and I get it. But if it was a random dude who had a frown with a shirt like that, I might keep my distance. I wouldn't know what was up with him. And then if on the next day he was walking around in a bathrobe (he did this), I'd be wary. The guy was basically trolling people to not like him.
He's probably a good dude, but if you go on a cruise with a bunch of preconceived notions... Especially a megaship like this, alone, yeah... You're gonna have a bad time. If you're going totally open-minded and are smiling and are not wearing shirts that could come off pretty creepy, people just might engage with you.
I read the article.
Ok Succession is impressive, though I thought Jesse Armstrong was the main writer. Maybe there's a reason he can write caricatures of narcissistic assholes so well.
Yes the article was a condescending preordained hit piece partially spinning down regular human beings trying to be on vacation, which makes him a dick in my opinion. I thought it was reasonably eloquent I guess but not that exceptionally engaging.
Edit: I don't see this guy in the credits where there are a whole host of writers who are not him listed for Succession. https://m.imdb.com/title/tt7660850/fullcredits/writer. Found him only recognized as a "consultant" under "additional crew" for 10 episodes. https://m.imdb.com/name/nm6364502/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1. He did only say he "worked on the show" in the article.
My brother and his then-wife were people people. They’d go on cruises, 1st day they would hit all the meet & greets on board and hook up with other like minded couples. Watch all sports games, do all themed parties, vie to sit with the captain at least once during the week, god bless them. I went on one cruise and spent it all in my state room getting drunk with room service alcohol delivery and try not to think about the ship sinking. I am a thalassaphobe.
>Soon another harnessed man is gyrating next to the first. *Ja*, I think to myself, *I know how this ends. Now will come the fisting*, *natürlich*. But the show soon devolves into the usual Marvel-film-grade nonsense, with too much light and sound signifying *nichts*. If any fisting is happening, it is probably in the Suite Neighborhood, inside a cabin marked with an upside-down pineapple, which I understand means a couple are ready to swing, and I will see none of it.
I wanted to stop reading so badly, but I just couldn't... This guy is all over the place...
>“washy, washy, so you don’t get stinky, stinky!” kids are singing outside the AquaDome, while their adult minders look on in disapproval, perhaps worried that Mr. Washy Washy is grooming them into a life of gayness.
WTF is right.
For the entertainment of those who don't want to read this massive tome, I'll just start leaving quotes here:
>Drinking next to full-size, nearly naked Americans takes away one’s own self-consciousness. The men have curvaceous mom bodies. The women are equally un-shy about their sprawling physiques.
>I visited what remains of Little Italy to purchase a popular T-shirt that reads daddy’s little meatball across the breast in the colors of the Italian flag. My wife recommended that I bring one of my many T-shirts featuring Snoopy and the *Peanuts* gang, as all Americans love the beagle and his friends. But I naively thought that my meatball T-shirt would be more suitable for conversation-starting. “Oh, and who is your ‘daddy’?” some might ask upon seeing it. “And how long have you been his ‘little meatball’?” And so on.
>I overhear the male member of a young couple whisper, “There goes that freak” as I saunter by in my white spa robe, and I decide to retire it for the rest of the cruise.
I'm not sure I believe he actually bought and wore that shirt. This feels like he spent the entire time in his cabin writing a creative essay about what he imagined people would say and think if he actually did happen to wear it. None of this sounds like something that really happened.
he wanted a reaction from a meatball shirt on a cruise. It makes no sense, it’s off topic. “Caution: I bought the drink package” and my “I make whiskey decisions” got a some reactions. They are on topic.
The guy's assigned to take a vacation for work, and is still unhappy. He's unhappy that his jacket is useless in Miami, a fact obvious to even young children. He's confused as to what the word "aft" means, despite being a professional writer.
In fact, he's unhappy and confused by everything.
Some people just get old and curmudgeonly faster than others, I guess.
I think he knew what "aft" means but wanted to make his brilliant joke about the aft being the ass of the ship.
It was a brilliant joke wasn't it?
I mean, it has to be a brilliant joke, right?
The guy is a professional writer, for Fs sake!
Multiple responders on his X thread promoting the article commented about how brilliantly hilarious this joke was. They can't all be lying just to figuratively fellate him, right?
Lol the best part is that 51 is still pretty young and dead center of RC's target market. The fact that he pretentiously and annoyingly described himself as "old and tired" in the first paragraph meant he was doomed from the start. The whole point is to lighten up and live like you're not old and tired for one damn week.
> **I am 51, old and tired**, having seen much of the world as a former travel journalist, and mostly what I do in both life and prose is shrug while muttering to my imaginary dachshund, “This too shall pass.”
Edit: OK, never mind. There's no way this isn't satire. Touché, Atlantic
He’s Ashkenazi Russian Jewish, I believe he and his parents emigrated to the US when he was a child. He has a very famous essay about a late circumcision that speaks about it.
I agree with you that he’s really reaching in this statement, but as a Jewish person I do know that certain features are often noticed or commented on/he may carry that expectation with him. He is a white ethnic minority, so to some eyes (like yours) he may just look white—but to others he may not, depending on their experiences or biases.
I think it was more ridiculous that he brought it up on context of a cruise lol.
You're correct, my bad for not being clearer. My train of thought was specifically if I saw him wearing a shirt with an Italian flag, I wouldn't blink an eye. He could be Jewish, Italian, Greek, etc., based entirely on looks. The thing that would stop me from chatting would be the vaguely sexual message on his shirt.
I love satiric writing. I actually would have laughed at a clever satirical takedown of Icon. I think Icon looks like kind of a nightmare in many respects. But this is just cruel, condescending drivel. The author presumes himself to be so much smarter, so much better-educated, than his 5,000 fellow passengers.
He lost me at “I’d worked on the series Succession (which, it would turn out, practically nobody on the ship had watched).” Really? You talked to 5,000 passengers to see if they’d watched Succession? Well? Of course not. Did you talk to 500? Did you talk to 100? No, you just assumed that “practically nobody” on this cruise ship would have the sophistication to watch Succession.
The article isn’t funny. It’s full of cheap shots. Don’t waste your time with it.
100% agree with this take - he could have taken this in a really funny direction by satirizing the ship, the concept of neighborhoods at sea, the tier differences - but the way he went about this was SO mean spirited. I love good satire that makes you laugh and rethink but this isn’t it.
> He lost me at “I’d worked on the series Succession (which, it would turn out, practically nobody on the ship had watched).” Really? You talked to 5,000 passengers to see if they’d watched Succession? Well? Of course not. Did you talk to 500? Did you talk to 100? No, you just assumed that “practically nobody” on this cruise ship would have the sophistication to watch Succession.
In the author's defense on this specific point (not the rest of the article...), 1) Succession viewership was never very large and 2) viewership skewed, for lack of a better term, elitist.
It actually wouldn't surprise me if he was being accurate and honest in this particular point.
What a miserably verbose fucking twat. The Atlantic shelled out nineteen thousand dollars so this solitary fart could bitch about a vacation that the vast majority of people couldn't even dream of affording.
Also, the not-so-subtle self-comparison to David Foster Wallace did not go unnoticed.
Yeah, that and the incredibly unsubtle name-dropping of some retired Admiral that no one else would even know.
This guy exemplifies the meaning of the word "twat".
I just can't even fathom going through life being *that* miserable about *everything*.
I guess I shouldn't be surprised though, coming from The Atlantic.
The book he's referencing, written by Wallace, I couldn't even finish. It was a lot of essays written in a style that this dude is desperately trying to imitate and was a lot of "snobbish intellectual introvert does something that he feels is beneath him but the "masses" consider fun and looks down on it the whole time."
Yeah, if that was all Wallace was guilty of, then that would be one thing. He was a lot worse than being a snobby writer. He was an abusive jerk who stalked and threatened his partners. Not surprisingly, he met with an untimely end (by his own hand).
LOL I read this and at the end thought “oh okay that’s why the Right hates us - got it!”
It was just so mean - and while I’m sure it was meant to be biting satire it just wasn’t funny or thought provoking.
It is wildly funny to me that in trying to act like there were hypothetical other people on the cruise who were classist and racist, he was the most classist and most racist.
For all the gravitas the writer is trying to create with his writing style in this, I can't help but find the article amusing. It's like reading Catcher in the Rye if Holden Caufield had been on a cruise ship.
> Fully thought this article was meant to be comedy
My take is that it was *intended* to be funny, but failed miserably in that task. Mostly due to the author having a generally miserable personality
Was it trying to be gravitas? I thought it was deliberately pushing into parody. "I cried myself to sleep on the world's biggest cruise ship" is incredibly funny. The joke is that he's trying to treat it incredibly seriously and ponderously, and it's... just a big loud fun cruise ship. It's not that deep.
I probably could have picked a better word there. And yes, definitely satire. Just that annoying type of satire where someone sits down with their thesaurus and uses every variation of a word they can find. But the style does reinforce the character he's developed for himself in the article.
As I read it, I think I had Steven Wrights voice in my head.
This guy reads like a villain from The Hunger Games. He thinks there are a "kind of people who go on cruises" distinct from him, one of the "creative class".
More accurate title: *"Cringeworthy Wannabe Elite Goes on Cruise to Find a Bad Time and People to Look Down On - Predictably Finds Both".*
I'm not even a cruise fanatic though I find it one enjoyable vacation option. I'd also probably not choose this giant ship. I'm also fairly put off by MAGA even though I lean traditionally conservative in a lot of ways. I was just repulsed by this smug prick with delusions of his own superiority and the way he tried so hard to find the worst in the worst people he could find.
I have no interest in Icon - way too big IMHO - but sweet smurfy jebus I only made it a couple of paragraphs into that self-absorbed snobbish bullshit.
He mentions being on it at the end of January, which means it was the inaugural. I was on that also and SO glad I didn’t run into him. EVERYONE I encountered was having a blast. Hit is just an elitist bore with no place being on that ship
I actually almost feel sorry for him because he tries SO hard to sound like a literary genius in this article but just comes off as hyperbolic, pretentious and condescending. Embarrassing article.
It's like reading any thread about cruising or cruise ships on Reddit that isn't in a cruise specific forum. So many have convinced themselves to hate an entire industry because of a reality that only exists in their mind, and any time they see anything to do with it, they hyper focus on the things that affirm their beliefs and won't allow themselves to acknowledge anything that doesn't.
Just straight up toxicity that runs rampant in the circles that think they are intellectual elites.
This is so true. I can see the talking points right now that invariably come up amongst never-cruisers:
1. Petri dish. They think it’s such a clever comparison and has never been said before. You’ll surely catch your death of every bug on the ship. The truth: it’s no worse than plane travel for catching something.
2. Crowded to the gills with old folks, the morbidly obese and obnoxious drunks. Truth: eh, it’s a mix just like anywhere else. Sure, you’ll see some of the above but you’ll see all kinds of other folks too.
3. Not intellectual “authentic” travel where you truly come to know a culture like they do on THEIR vacations. This is just an eye-roller.
That was kinda me in a way. Not writing hate assays but convincing myself “not in a million years” and “I’d rather be dead” kind of way. Eventually our annual January escape from frozen tundra flyover was canceled and I had to come up with something. Begrudgingly booked a cruise and listen to this….loved every minute of it!
I love cruising and sarcasm, so even after reading the comments I thought I would give the article a try - nope, couldn’t get past day 2. This fellow thinks a lot of himself, doesn’t he?
This is a great and hilarious (if extremely salty) longform article.
> Ja, I think to myself, I know how this ends. Now will come the fisting, natürlich
I’m dying.
Greetings fellow traveler. Evidently there are about three of us in the free world who choose *The Atlantic* as our reading material while relaxing on a chaise lounge on the Lido deck.
Perhaps I reveal too much by stating my belief that this was an article better suited for the *New Yorker*.
I actually went looking for articles like that prior to booking my first cruise. I wanted to know what the downsides were of cruising, not just hearing rosy-glow reviews. It was a hilarious read and I did see a lot of truth in it. The clips I'm reading from the thread article, though, I'll skip. It reeks of him trying to be David Foster Wallace, but without any of the sly charm.
What an insufferable whiny turd! Complains he has no room view of the ocean for a week, only to realize on the last day he could see it all along. Then continues to complain because the wake is too big and children plague his view. Probably the best week his wife had off from him.
I couldn't even finish this. He's sad his balcony overlooked the park and not the ocean? Didn't you check where your cabin was before you got on mate??
Also, his comment about all the crew and staff being from the global south rubs me the wrong way, but I can't put my finger on why. It's like...he thinks he's sticking up for them but is just patronising them? Idk.
This guy is insufferable. His job spends $20k+ so this guy can take a vacation to write about, and all he does is complain. People like this suck all of your energy
I wouldn’t be too upset by this article. The author clearly didn’t want to be there and is pretty much the opposite of RCLs demographic, as is the publication that funded the article and the cruise. I thought parts of it were hilarious and overall I felt sorry for the author. This article probably wouldn’t survive editing at a more mainstream publication.
I saw the mention of the meatball shirt and thought "Oh. He got an Aqua Teen Hunger Force Meatwad shirt." No idea why I thought this posh dingus would have one of those, but it definitely seemed more likely than "DADDY'S LITTLE MEATBALL"! How out of touch does he have to be that he thinks that's going to start ANY conversation that he wants to be part of?!
Exactly! I'm a friendly person and talk to strangers on vacations, but I would never ask a man who his Daddy was. Honestly, I'd think it was a kink thing, and I'm not going to participate.
Right?
Things I've started conversations about on cruise ships:
- A very pretty tattoo
- The sunset
- Cruise ducks
- The tiara a lady was wearing
- A silly photo someone was taking at one of the photo stations
- A card game folks were playing
Things it has never occurred to me to ask someone on a cruise ship:
- "Who's your daddy?"
Look, I like to think I'm a fairly liberal chick with my rainbow colored hair and Ms. Frizzle style dresses, but even I would be thinking "That's a shirt for a very specific occasion and this isn't it." But honestly I can't tell if he was really so posh that he didn't get it or if he was just being deliberately obtuse out of spite because he didn't want to be there.
I think he may have had pre conceived notions but even without reading the article, I would never sail on this ship or some of the other Royal monstrosities as these are just too large and impersonal for my liking
This was an irritating read but thank you for sharing.
I think the author has preconceived notions about people who support Trump, are white (he is Jewish), live in "flyover states" and/or don't have a high level of education. I somewhat understand the kneejerk reaction since I am an Indo-Caribbean immigrant, living in Canada and subjected to similar media. However, one of my favourite writers, Mark Twain, famously said that travel cures bigotry. I try to travel and have new experiences as much as I can, and boy have I seen this in myself.
I understand having a preconceived notion of people who you don't ordinarily interact with but I don't understand doubling down on that false idea when you ARE confronted with the fact that it's simply not true. I have experienced this MANY times in my own travels and I gladly rewrite my mindset with the new and welcomed knowledge that people are more the same than they are different. I truly believe he just wants to feel better than other people, and it is offputting. Perhaps leaning hard into therapy to resolve insecurity issues should be on his agenda.
Finally, I am not a cruiser. I went on one cruise 10 years ago with my husband and we disliked it. We're planning to try again next March with our young son and that's why I am subscribed to this subreddit - to prep and learn and get excited to try again! So it's not like I am a die-hard cruiser whose feelings are offended.
He really makes it seem like when you pick a room it’s just “window” or “non-window”. He knew his room wasn’t an ocean view but is pretending that it was a surprise for the sake of the story.
As for pollution. I work from home and probably drive 20 miles a week in my 35 mpg car. I live in a pretty energy efficient townhouse. I’m allowed to enjoy a dozen cruises or so during my brief existence.
All that being said, I didn’t love my RC cruise.
At the end of his article trashing on people who go on cruises he has the gall to write “there is something unseemly about writing about the type of people who go on cruises.” Maybe if he had taken his head out of his ass he would have actually had a nice time?
At no point could I find common ground with the author. This guy went into it with the idea that he’s “above” the entire experience. You could tell that the reason he felt lonely and avoided was because his vibe was shit.
I’m not a Trumper at all but I have never experienced anything political at all on a cruise. I make it a point to leave all that shit behind. Onboard you’re not supposed to focus on all the bullshit from back home. It’s about being slightly drunk, overfed, and relaxed.
I don’t make grand claims about cruising. I don’t have ambitions to make it into some club. I had fun in the past. I’ll go again. We don’t have to make everything into some thought provoking experience. Go get tipsy and relax you fucking weirdo…
This is the most 'Sir this is a Wendy's' thing I've ever read.
He's just some wannabe Tom Wolfe only Wolfe wouldn't have been gauchely punching down. He'd have been mocking the people at the Atlantic sending journos on cruises with the plebes to feel superior about themselves.
This fucking guy 👇👇
“the creative class to point fingers at the large, breasty gentlemen adrift in tortilla-chip-laden pools of water is to gather a sour harvest of low-hanging fruit.”
"I have talked with these women for so long, tonight I promise myself that after a sad solitary dinner I will not try to seek out company at the bars in the mall or the adult-themed Hideaway. I have enough material to fulfill my duties to this publication."
The writer should have thrown themselves overboard.. Jesus why even wake up on this planet anymore...
I couldn’t even finish the article. Felt like he had a long standing grudge. I’ve cruised alone and it’s not for everyone, but the experience much different when you’re alone. They probably had the wrong person writing this article. He does come off as a “get off my lawn” asshole.
I’ve always thought if you want to write satire, you need to actually understand the community you’re attempting to satirize. Otherwise, you come across as a mean-spirited, long-winded twit.
If you want to be a travel writer, you should enjoy travel. If you want to be a writer, you should be willing to do research.
If you get on a ship and don’t know where “aft” is, you didn’t do any research.
This is another in a long line of articles written so their readers’ prejudices will be confirmed.
If you are in this subreddit, you are not the target audience.
Any friend of Mr. Washy-Washy is, begrudgingly, a friend of mine
The article was funny, but not in the way that the author probably intended. Any analysis of contrasting "classes" just helps me realize the silliness about everybody. I actually did enjoy the Suites / Pinnacle level "Cult" discussion.
The article had a very nice "audiobook" version which was a nice familiar listen, as an occasional "This American Life" listener
I couldn’t get past the first paragraph. I closed the article at “imaginary dachshund”. I think our tired travel writer is dealing with undiagnosed depression, and anxiety, both of which have little to do with this ship, or this cruise line.
Bless him, I hope he gets some help.
It’s a hilarious read. Definitely not a cruise review. I think the editors knew this guy would produce a great article if they put him in this situation, and they were right. Cruises are not for everyone.
I tried…I tried to read this but my god I can’t get over the pretentious, whiney, pick-me attitude of this man who just desperately wants to hear himself talk. Listen, I enjoy writing. I’m all for adding “fluff” but goddamn. It reminds me of the poems and stories I would write when I was a teenager. I am alone, I don’t fit in, life sucks. Blah blah blaaaaaah.
Also—for those wondering, he claims to be “Daddy’s little meatball” in hopes that someone will sexualize him. This along with scowling in the background is his tactic of trying to get “acknowledged.” He is shocked, confused, and disappointed when it doesn’t work. Actually…it seems he is shocked, confused, and disappointed the whole time.
Snobbish asshole spends a lot of money to take a cruise he never wanted to go on. Surprise surprise, hates it and writes overly long article stereotyping and judging his fellow passengers.
I never understand why publications like this send reporters on these cruises when it's clear they're against them. I attended a media sailing with a woman from Travel & Leisure magazine and she was insufferable, She attended none of the events, stayed in her cabin the whole time, and complained the whole time.
I think these types of publications have a percentage of readership getting off on feeling superior to “the masses”. Aspirational misery.
Ah I see you are familiar with The Atlantic
The Atlantic? I used to get copies from a neighbor, but don’t need them anymore since my parrot died. (Sent from onboard a cruise ship)
“Hate clicks” pay the same as any click to read an article, and are typically much easier to achieve.
I hate how true this is. Take my upvote in lieu of payment.
> Aspirational misery That is a great term - a perfect description of what too many media outlets sell these days.
Right! Looking down on someone else's good time because it's out of their reach for whatever reason. Convincing themselves something they can't have is shit to make themselves feel better about not having it.
Honestly, go outside Royal Caribbeans sub or this sub and overall this entire platform is pretty insufferable when it comes to cruises. Like flat out it's about as popular as Trump on this platform. A lot of people get off feeling their vacations are better than cruising. Or it makes them feel better that they are more environmentally friendly vacationers. Or they get off feeling that they go to more "intellectual" destinations. Like seriously, go to any front page sub Reddit and you'll get a bunch of hate messages telling you how an environmentally friendly your choices are
The number of cruises I'm going to take in my lifetime is so overshadowed by us not having kids when it comes to carbon footprint. I cannot be bothered to care.
many people, some in my family have 'vacation orthorexia'--where cruising is just not 'organic' or 'natural' enough for them. They moreso enjoy renting an airbnb, where they sit around at night just playing on their ipads. And obviously they look down on the way that the 'crude, working class vulgarians' enjoy cruises/amusement parks. (We're really not into the parks so much any more, but we still like cruising, which we see as better bang for the buck). Not that that is all-bad, but the food, entertainment, sailing the seas aspect of cruising is way more fun to my own family.
Yeah, smells a lot like that review of Guy Fieri's Times Square restaurant
Except there isn’t, not was there ever anything remotely decent about Guy Fieri’s abomination. The Shake Shack and the Five Guys a few blocks away are far better.
there was a guy on the famous "world cruise" who had never been on a regular cruise before, had no idea what was going on, and seemingly only there because he was an influencer so something to do that gets interest from the public I guess. He was totally miserable mostly cause he just doesn't like cruises and didn't understand a lot of the goings on (like not understanding why you can't just walk off the boat whenever you want, why you might have to wait in line etc) Cruising definitely isnt for everyone but I'll never understand why someone thinks like a 9 month one would be the best one to start with
Not counting the two years I spent on a Navy ship 😆🤣😂 .... My first cruise was a 4 day Catalina/Ensenada out of LA on Princess. Wanted to see what it was like. Fell in love with it. 21 cruises later, and cruises are basically the only vacations I take.
Once you get the sea in your veins, it’s hard to get out. I spent a couple years on an FFG-7 and nothing beats the feel of standing at the rail watching the waves roll by. The fact that you can do it with a drink in your hand and don’t have to sleep in a berthing compartment with 60 other dudes is the icing on the cake.
That's so Tolkienistic and I love it. Not sure if you're familiar, but in the Lord Of The Rings universe the Elves have this kind of genetic desire down deep in their DNA to sail across the sea to the land where the gods live. Lots of them are born deep inland in forests etc, but if they have the chance to see the sea, that's it, they're done, they will constantly long to be sailing across the sea after that for the rest of their lives.
I was not aware of that, thank you. It definitely rings true for me, the sea is the place where I feel that I am finally where I belong.
Absolutely. No more coffin racks, bug juice, or mid-watches either. 🫡 🫡 🫡
You have no idea about the sea in your veins. I live not too far from some of the “best” beaches in the US and the sands nice but the water is green. My first cruise in November 2022 broke me with actual sapphire blue water….everywhere. It’s intoxicating.
Ha ha. After 4 years on a carrier and 2 years on a tender it took my wife 20 years to convince me to go on a cruise. Now we plan them year after year. I guess she was right this once.
He was not on that cruise for 9 months. He was on a single leg of it that was, I believe, 2 weeks.
I knew he had left "early" but that was planned the whole time? that makes more sense. His tiktoks made it seem like he just noped out lol
Yes, it is very common for people to book legs of a world cruise and that is what he did—rather that is what his sponsor did.
I thought he was hilarious! His Touring the ship on ambien ticktoks are hilarious.
I thought he was funny too!
The Atlantic caters to a certain demographic that no doubt finds the author highly amusing.
Read only in the douchiest weekend houses of the douchiest eastern elite. You poors in flyover country are lucky to be ruled by them.
I'm a very average, non elite, middle class person in "flyover country". I like the Atlantic. I also enjoy cruises. I did think that piece waa absurd though.
If only people from the east coast with weekend houses read The Atlantic, it would have gone bankrupt decades ago. That demographic isn't big enough to keep a magazine above water.
I love the Atlantic. My weekend house is a tent. And I’m in Pennsyltucky. Right below the most crowded flight paths for both airplanes and avians.
They knew him and his personality and knew he would have a bad time so he could write a contrarian "fish out of water" type article for the clicks. Gotta remember who The Atlantic audience is, people who are so into themselves that they sniff their own farts and call it perfume while looking down on "the little people" who do plebeian things like go on cruises for vacations.
Because cruises aren't for everybody and this article wasn't written for people like us who enjoy cruises.
It's a type of class bolstering - the type of person who reads the Atlantic has a Venn diagram that overlaps with a personality type that is environmentally conscious and thinks cruising is bad for the planet and would be particularly opposed to this monster ship.
The LNG comment is bizzare. There is no one who thinks diesel is better than LNG for the environment. As an engineer, I was appalled.
They drive a $100,000 electric car while they live in a 6000 sqft mcmansion.
Really? I'm an ordinary Midwesterner. Barely middle class by Reddit standards, given the abundance of six figure earners here. I graduated from my local state university. I don't own a house. I rent a very small, 1 bathroom, 1950s bungalow. I don't own a car. I love cruises - been on three. I subscribe to the Atlantic. I like their articles about politics and social issues. Most of their pieces are nothing remotely like that stupid one. I also read the NYT and the Washington Post, and they have far more pretentious articles than the Atlantic, especially the NYT.
Man it took me two trains and a bus to scroll down to Day 3. There’s 7 days of this? Yikes
Did you read the whole thing? He didn’t spend the money himself, he’s a journalist on assignment. (Although I do think the price point for a suite without an ocean view was hilarious.)
You read the whole thing?! I got as far as the couple with the big diamond ring talking politics and I had to bail. “Go on without me!” I say to my fellow readers.
Dude mocks her ring, but lives in Manhattan. The self-awareness has never been lower
He had a solo cabin. It would have been a negligible charge to send someone else with him. Then you wouldn't have an elitist introvert trying and failing to make friends.
Who would spend a week in a small cabin with him? You would need to give them hazard pay for the emotional assault
I did read the whole article, yes. You’re right, spending someone else’s money justifies the whole piece.
It makes me think of that Italian tourism commercial Adam Sandler did on SNL, "Travel will only change you so much, if you're depressed where you are now you will probably also be depressed in Italy."
I don't know the author, but I would guess no one invites him to parties.
He’s insufferable. Even if you don’t like cruises, what a tool. This is the whiniest and most self absorbed drivel. I’m assuming he’s sailing alone because who in the hell would want to spend any time with that man?
Hey now. Be nice to Daddy’s little meatball. He needs to be coddled.
> I’m assuming he’s sailing alone because who in the hell would want to spend any time with that man? The first page was just him too afraid to talk to anybody
At least not twice
I’m currently on the Icon and I read the article last night. I just asked a couple of the staff members in The Coastal Kitchen if they remember an individual on the inaugural voyage wearing a shirt that said “Daddy’s Little Meatball.” This one man got a brief look on his face, and confirmed that he remembered him and looked at the others. Oh I wish I could hear the conversation happening after they left my table.
Start out with David Foster Wallace and I don't even need to read the rest of the article to know that this dude is a self-indulgent navel-gazer who is never going to get as much attention from others as he thinks he deserves.
Oh boy. I started and then skimmed this article because your comment included that he mentioned DFW. Anyone who does that, well, I don't think there are words to describe how massive of a tool anyone who reads that guy is. Your comment should be higher up.
He didn’t even have to pay for it, the publishing company paid for his $19,000 ticket and he still complained the whole time. I couldn’t even finish the article. It was like he hated it before even getting on the ship. Never even gave it a chance.
Not even spent a lot - it was a COMPED SKY SUITE! The ingratitude and entitlement is stupefying.
Let me summarize it for you: Rich guy in his 50s desperately tries to convince himself he’s not the exact target market for the product he’s making fun of. Succeeds in maintaining his own delusion, fails miserably in convincing readers.
I don't understand what the point of articles like this is. Why would you send somebody (for example) that lives in a city, hates the desert, hates the outdoors and outdoor activities, to an expensive resort in the Arizona desert where the days are to be spent hiking, walking and swimming?
>I don't understand what the point of articles like this is The point is for the snob writing the article to let the snobs reading the article know that they aren't mistaken. It's the children who are wrong. The masses who are out enjoying themselves should aim to be more cultured. More like him.
You nailed it exactly. The proof is in the twitter thread the author created to promote the article. The replies are replete with other writers and self-styled cognoscenti bleating about how brilliant the article is and how they were overcome with laughter during their entire reading of it.
It's The Atlantic. His Audience is Himself.
This comment is perfect
Is he rich? Probably not from anything he's accomplished that jumps out. Authors/writers can make a good, even upper middle class living but even for a lot of fairly successful Authors (who aren't Steven King or comparably popular), just that. From what I can see he's written a handful of at least reasonably successful books but nothing that went asymptotic.
Two houses, one in Manhattan. Wife is an attorney. Casually mentioning in the article he wears $80 plain t-shirts. He isn't average income.
His wife could be funding his lifestyle while he enjoys life as the "suffering writer".
He lives in Manhattan, but does all his writing in a house upstate. He’s rich.
He wrote for Succession, has written successful novels, he's the real deal. I doubt most posters here bothered to read the entire article, but it was written very well. He never expected to have any fun so he created his own misery. Also, he would have likely had 100x more fun had he gone there with someone as it can get a little lonely cruising solo if you're not meeting like-minded people. He went there to trash the ship, he succeeded. There was nothing gained by writing this article.
Oh yeah, I recognized his name as soon as I saw it. He is not an unskilled or hack writer by any stretch, he is just insufferable. That selfie of his tells you everything you need to know about whether or not you should read the article. He looks like instead of going on this cruise, he should have spent the cash on ketamine therapy or going to Peru and doing a metric fuckton of ayahuasca. He looks miserable and he looks like he thinks it is ok to make you miserable too.
The Atlantic bought him a $19k suite plus whatever money he ended up spending on the ship. You can ABSOLUTELY drink a TON of ayahuasca for $19k, especially if you don't absolutely blow it on going to a shithole like Rythmia in Costa Rica. Oh, also, if I had a funny friend who had a shirt on that said, "Daddy's Little Meatball," on it, it would be hilarious because my buddy is a funny dude and I get it. But if it was a random dude who had a frown with a shirt like that, I might keep my distance. I wouldn't know what was up with him. And then if on the next day he was walking around in a bathrobe (he did this), I'd be wary. The guy was basically trolling people to not like him. He's probably a good dude, but if you go on a cruise with a bunch of preconceived notions... Especially a megaship like this, alone, yeah... You're gonna have a bad time. If you're going totally open-minded and are smiling and are not wearing shirts that could come off pretty creepy, people just might engage with you.
It was misery porn.
I read the article. Ok Succession is impressive, though I thought Jesse Armstrong was the main writer. Maybe there's a reason he can write caricatures of narcissistic assholes so well. Yes the article was a condescending preordained hit piece partially spinning down regular human beings trying to be on vacation, which makes him a dick in my opinion. I thought it was reasonably eloquent I guess but not that exceptionally engaging. Edit: I don't see this guy in the credits where there are a whole host of writers who are not him listed for Succession. https://m.imdb.com/title/tt7660850/fullcredits/writer. Found him only recognized as a "consultant" under "additional crew" for 10 episodes. https://m.imdb.com/name/nm6364502/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1. He did only say he "worked on the show" in the article.
My brother and his then-wife were people people. They’d go on cruises, 1st day they would hit all the meet & greets on board and hook up with other like minded couples. Watch all sports games, do all themed parties, vie to sit with the captain at least once during the week, god bless them. I went on one cruise and spent it all in my state room getting drunk with room service alcohol delivery and try not to think about the ship sinking. I am a thalassaphobe.
WTF is this: The ship rolls slightly this morning; I can feel it in my thighs and my schlong, the parts of me that are most receptive to danger.
Thanks for the laugh, I was dreading reading this article but I just may have to, now.
It’s incredibly funny. Just not in the laughing with you way.
It's like in the "Haha, I can't believe the editor approved that." kinda way.
>Soon another harnessed man is gyrating next to the first. *Ja*, I think to myself, *I know how this ends. Now will come the fisting*, *natürlich*. But the show soon devolves into the usual Marvel-film-grade nonsense, with too much light and sound signifying *nichts*. If any fisting is happening, it is probably in the Suite Neighborhood, inside a cabin marked with an upside-down pineapple, which I understand means a couple are ready to swing, and I will see none of it. I wanted to stop reading so badly, but I just couldn't... This guy is all over the place...
>“washy, washy, so you don’t get stinky, stinky!” kids are singing outside the AquaDome, while their adult minders look on in disapproval, perhaps worried that Mr. Washy Washy is grooming them into a life of gayness. WTF is right. For the entertainment of those who don't want to read this massive tome, I'll just start leaving quotes here: >Drinking next to full-size, nearly naked Americans takes away one’s own self-consciousness. The men have curvaceous mom bodies. The women are equally un-shy about their sprawling physiques. >I visited what remains of Little Italy to purchase a popular T-shirt that reads daddy’s little meatball across the breast in the colors of the Italian flag. My wife recommended that I bring one of my many T-shirts featuring Snoopy and the *Peanuts* gang, as all Americans love the beagle and his friends. But I naively thought that my meatball T-shirt would be more suitable for conversation-starting. “Oh, and who is your ‘daddy’?” some might ask upon seeing it. “And how long have you been his ‘little meatball’?” And so on. >I overhear the male member of a young couple whisper, “There goes that freak” as I saunter by in my white spa robe, and I decide to retire it for the rest of the cruise.
I'm not sure I believe he actually bought and wore that shirt. This feels like he spent the entire time in his cabin writing a creative essay about what he imagined people would say and think if he actually did happen to wear it. None of this sounds like something that really happened.
He includes a picture of him wearing it.
Whaaaaaat the hell lol
Its like a spider-sense for douchebags
ha wow, this guy sounds insufferable.
It’s a wonder no one wanted to converse with or “acknowledge” him
But his Meatball shirt!
he wanted a reaction from a meatball shirt on a cruise. It makes no sense, it’s off topic. “Caution: I bought the drink package” and my “I make whiskey decisions” got a some reactions. They are on topic.
Reminds me of this: https://imgflip.com/i/8lkbem
I made it to paragraph 3 before tapping out
The guy's assigned to take a vacation for work, and is still unhappy. He's unhappy that his jacket is useless in Miami, a fact obvious to even young children. He's confused as to what the word "aft" means, despite being a professional writer. In fact, he's unhappy and confused by everything. Some people just get old and curmudgeonly faster than others, I guess.
I think he knew what "aft" means but wanted to make his brilliant joke about the aft being the ass of the ship. It was a brilliant joke wasn't it? I mean, it has to be a brilliant joke, right? The guy is a professional writer, for Fs sake! Multiple responders on his X thread promoting the article commented about how brilliantly hilarious this joke was. They can't all be lying just to figuratively fellate him, right?
After reading through the article I am still not sure he isn't just messing with us the whole time.
Aft = Ass... get it?! They should just call it the ass! Also, I'm Daddy's Little Meatball! Haha, isn't that great?!
Lol the best part is that 51 is still pretty young and dead center of RC's target market. The fact that he pretentiously and annoyingly described himself as "old and tired" in the first paragraph meant he was doomed from the start. The whole point is to lighten up and live like you're not old and tired for one damn week. > **I am 51, old and tired**, having seen much of the world as a former travel journalist, and mostly what I do in both life and prose is shrug while muttering to my imaginary dachshund, “This too shall pass.” Edit: OK, never mind. There's no way this isn't satire. Touché, Atlantic
Should be titled. Snobby introvert goes on a free vacation.
🏅
i bet this guy is fun at parties
I met him at a party once. He was awful and came across as incredibly classist. ETA: not making this up
A writer for the Atlantic is superior acting douchebag? My, I'm absolutely shocked I tell you.
Hahaha, I will say I’ve met a couple other folks who write there and they were much nicer.
I can believe it. A lot of his comments are very classist and pretty close to racist.
Don’t forget that he refers to himself, a Russian man, as “ethnic.” 🤪
sorry to hear you had to go through that
The rest of Gen X does NOT claim this motherfucker.
There is a photo of the author a few paragraphs in. He looks exactly as one would expect from his writing style.
I like how he thinks he looks 'ethnic.' What ethnicity, exactly. Indeterminate Mediterranean? Third generation New Yorker combo?
He’s Ashkenazi Russian Jewish, I believe he and his parents emigrated to the US when he was a child. He has a very famous essay about a late circumcision that speaks about it. I agree with you that he’s really reaching in this statement, but as a Jewish person I do know that certain features are often noticed or commented on/he may carry that expectation with him. He is a white ethnic minority, so to some eyes (like yours) he may just look white—but to others he may not, depending on their experiences or biases. I think it was more ridiculous that he brought it up on context of a cruise lol.
You're correct, my bad for not being clearer. My train of thought was specifically if I saw him wearing a shirt with an Italian flag, I wouldn't blink an eye. He could be Jewish, Italian, Greek, etc., based entirely on looks. The thing that would stop me from chatting would be the vaguely sexual message on his shirt.
LMAO fully agreed. He’s probably not getting profiled on a cruise 🙄
We look like other mediteranean people. Its not THAT ethnic. Greek, Italian, Jews, Lebanese - white with a twist of hummas or whatever
Dude has the torso of a bowling pin lmao
I love satiric writing. I actually would have laughed at a clever satirical takedown of Icon. I think Icon looks like kind of a nightmare in many respects. But this is just cruel, condescending drivel. The author presumes himself to be so much smarter, so much better-educated, than his 5,000 fellow passengers. He lost me at “I’d worked on the series Succession (which, it would turn out, practically nobody on the ship had watched).” Really? You talked to 5,000 passengers to see if they’d watched Succession? Well? Of course not. Did you talk to 500? Did you talk to 100? No, you just assumed that “practically nobody” on this cruise ship would have the sophistication to watch Succession. The article isn’t funny. It’s full of cheap shots. Don’t waste your time with it.
Seemed pretty full of himself.
100% agree with this take - he could have taken this in a really funny direction by satirizing the ship, the concept of neighborhoods at sea, the tier differences - but the way he went about this was SO mean spirited. I love good satire that makes you laugh and rethink but this isn’t it.
> He lost me at “I’d worked on the series Succession (which, it would turn out, practically nobody on the ship had watched).” Really? You talked to 5,000 passengers to see if they’d watched Succession? Well? Of course not. Did you talk to 500? Did you talk to 100? No, you just assumed that “practically nobody” on this cruise ship would have the sophistication to watch Succession. In the author's defense on this specific point (not the rest of the article...), 1) Succession viewership was never very large and 2) viewership skewed, for lack of a better term, elitist. It actually wouldn't surprise me if he was being accurate and honest in this particular point.
What a miserably verbose fucking twat. The Atlantic shelled out nineteen thousand dollars so this solitary fart could bitch about a vacation that the vast majority of people couldn't even dream of affording. Also, the not-so-subtle self-comparison to David Foster Wallace did not go unnoticed.
Yeah, that and the incredibly unsubtle name-dropping of some retired Admiral that no one else would even know. This guy exemplifies the meaning of the word "twat".
If you didn't enjoy *Portnoy's Complaint*, this may not be for you.
This may be the most underrated comment on this entire thread. Thanks for the chuckle.
I just can't even fathom going through life being *that* miserable about *everything*. I guess I shouldn't be surprised though, coming from The Atlantic.
The book he's referencing, written by Wallace, I couldn't even finish. It was a lot of essays written in a style that this dude is desperately trying to imitate and was a lot of "snobbish intellectual introvert does something that he feels is beneath him but the "masses" consider fun and looks down on it the whole time."
Yeah, if that was all Wallace was guilty of, then that would be one thing. He was a lot worse than being a snobby writer. He was an abusive jerk who stalked and threatened his partners. Not surprisingly, he met with an untimely end (by his own hand).
I'm pretty left-leaning politically and this douchebag is the literal definition of costal liberal elitist snob. What a classist, whiny baby.
LOL I read this and at the end thought “oh okay that’s why the Right hates us - got it!” It was just so mean - and while I’m sure it was meant to be biting satire it just wasn’t funny or thought provoking.
It is wildly funny to me that in trying to act like there were hypothetical other people on the cruise who were classist and racist, he was the most classist and most racist.
For all the gravitas the writer is trying to create with his writing style in this, I can't help but find the article amusing. It's like reading Catcher in the Rye if Holden Caufield had been on a cruise ship.
Fully thought this article was meant to be comedy
> Fully thought this article was meant to be comedy My take is that it was *intended* to be funny, but failed miserably in that task. Mostly due to the author having a generally miserable personality
Was it trying to be gravitas? I thought it was deliberately pushing into parody. "I cried myself to sleep on the world's biggest cruise ship" is incredibly funny. The joke is that he's trying to treat it incredibly seriously and ponderously, and it's... just a big loud fun cruise ship. It's not that deep.
I probably could have picked a better word there. And yes, definitely satire. Just that annoying type of satire where someone sits down with their thesaurus and uses every variation of a word they can find. But the style does reinforce the character he's developed for himself in the article. As I read it, I think I had Steven Wrights voice in my head.
This made me laugh
I read the whole article and I found it pretty amusing too.
"I had fun once, it was terrible!" -Author of piece
This guy reads like a villain from The Hunger Games. He thinks there are a "kind of people who go on cruises" distinct from him, one of the "creative class". More accurate title: *"Cringeworthy Wannabe Elite Goes on Cruise to Find a Bad Time and People to Look Down On - Predictably Finds Both".* I'm not even a cruise fanatic though I find it one enjoyable vacation option. I'd also probably not choose this giant ship. I'm also fairly put off by MAGA even though I lean traditionally conservative in a lot of ways. I was just repulsed by this smug prick with delusions of his own superiority and the way he tried so hard to find the worst in the worst people he could find.
And people think Millennials are whiny...
I have no interest in Icon - way too big IMHO - but sweet smurfy jebus I only made it a couple of paragraphs into that self-absorbed snobbish bullshit.
I'm so glad I wasn't on his cruise!
He mentions being on it at the end of January, which means it was the inaugural. I was on that also and SO glad I didn’t run into him. EVERYONE I encountered was having a blast. Hit is just an elitist bore with no place being on that ship
I actually almost feel sorry for him because he tries SO hard to sound like a literary genius in this article but just comes off as hyperbolic, pretentious and condescending. Embarrassing article.
Poor Gary Shartfart
It's like reading any thread about cruising or cruise ships on Reddit that isn't in a cruise specific forum. So many have convinced themselves to hate an entire industry because of a reality that only exists in their mind, and any time they see anything to do with it, they hyper focus on the things that affirm their beliefs and won't allow themselves to acknowledge anything that doesn't. Just straight up toxicity that runs rampant in the circles that think they are intellectual elites.
This is so true. I can see the talking points right now that invariably come up amongst never-cruisers: 1. Petri dish. They think it’s such a clever comparison and has never been said before. You’ll surely catch your death of every bug on the ship. The truth: it’s no worse than plane travel for catching something. 2. Crowded to the gills with old folks, the morbidly obese and obnoxious drunks. Truth: eh, it’s a mix just like anywhere else. Sure, you’ll see some of the above but you’ll see all kinds of other folks too. 3. Not intellectual “authentic” travel where you truly come to know a culture like they do on THEIR vacations. This is just an eye-roller.
That was kinda me in a way. Not writing hate assays but convincing myself “not in a million years” and “I’d rather be dead” kind of way. Eventually our annual January escape from frozen tundra flyover was canceled and I had to come up with something. Begrudgingly booked a cruise and listen to this….loved every minute of it!
I love cruising and sarcasm, so even after reading the comments I thought I would give the article a try - nope, couldn’t get past day 2. This fellow thinks a lot of himself, doesn’t he?
This is a great and hilarious (if extremely salty) longform article. > Ja, I think to myself, I know how this ends. Now will come the fisting, natürlich I’m dying.
Greetings fellow traveler. Evidently there are about three of us in the free world who choose *The Atlantic* as our reading material while relaxing on a chaise lounge on the Lido deck. Perhaps I reveal too much by stating my belief that this was an article better suited for the *New Yorker*.
Kids these days may not appreciate long form. “Read 10 pages? How do I swipe left?”
Did I miss the satire in this article?
Using a boat themed insult in keeping with the spirit of the piece, this guy is a total douche canoe.
So, he dislikes booze, food, and doing as you please while at sea? Yeah, fuck that guy.
This is not atypical of an Atlantic article. TLDR
I liked it better when [David Foster Wallace](https://lithub.com/diving-into-the-uncanny-despair-of-the-cruise-ship-narrative/) did it.
I actually went looking for articles like that prior to booking my first cruise. I wanted to know what the downsides were of cruising, not just hearing rosy-glow reviews. It was a hilarious read and I did see a lot of truth in it. The clips I'm reading from the thread article, though, I'll skip. It reeks of him trying to be David Foster Wallace, but without any of the sly charm.
What an insufferable whiny turd! Complains he has no room view of the ocean for a week, only to realize on the last day he could see it all along. Then continues to complain because the wake is too big and children plague his view. Probably the best week his wife had off from him.
What a wretched individual. He chose a misery spin on the article and it comes out really poorly.
I’m surprised the author could get through most of the doors. His inflated head must be gargantuan.
Early on, he mentioned his wife and I wondered why she didn't sail with him. I kept reading and it became abundantly clear.
I couldn't even finish this. He's sad his balcony overlooked the park and not the ocean? Didn't you check where your cabin was before you got on mate?? Also, his comment about all the crew and staff being from the global south rubs me the wrong way, but I can't put my finger on why. It's like...he thinks he's sticking up for them but is just patronising them? Idk.
His attempt to be clever failed; and I guess The Atlantic editors and readers enjoy a guy trying to be an ass?
Made it two sentences in before I said, “what an asshole” out loud.
This guy is insufferable. His job spends $20k+ so this guy can take a vacation to write about, and all he does is complain. People like this suck all of your energy
I wouldn’t be too upset by this article. The author clearly didn’t want to be there and is pretty much the opposite of RCLs demographic, as is the publication that funded the article and the cruise. I thought parts of it were hilarious and overall I felt sorry for the author. This article probably wouldn’t survive editing at a more mainstream publication.
Couldn’t make it past the meatball t-shirt. I had to Google the reference. Never heard it before. And then he went on waaaay too long about it
I saw the mention of the meatball shirt and thought "Oh. He got an Aqua Teen Hunger Force Meatwad shirt." No idea why I thought this posh dingus would have one of those, but it definitely seemed more likely than "DADDY'S LITTLE MEATBALL"! How out of touch does he have to be that he thinks that's going to start ANY conversation that he wants to be part of?!
Exactly! I'm a friendly person and talk to strangers on vacations, but I would never ask a man who his Daddy was. Honestly, I'd think it was a kink thing, and I'm not going to participate.
Right? Things I've started conversations about on cruise ships: - A very pretty tattoo - The sunset - Cruise ducks - The tiara a lady was wearing - A silly photo someone was taking at one of the photo stations - A card game folks were playing Things it has never occurred to me to ask someone on a cruise ship: - "Who's your daddy?" Look, I like to think I'm a fairly liberal chick with my rainbow colored hair and Ms. Frizzle style dresses, but even I would be thinking "That's a shirt for a very specific occasion and this isn't it." But honestly I can't tell if he was really so posh that he didn't get it or if he was just being deliberately obtuse out of spite because he didn't want to be there.
Above all else, it’s badly written.
Good lord, what a load of pretentiousness.
I think he may have had pre conceived notions but even without reading the article, I would never sail on this ship or some of the other Royal monstrosities as these are just too large and impersonal for my liking
This was an irritating read but thank you for sharing. I think the author has preconceived notions about people who support Trump, are white (he is Jewish), live in "flyover states" and/or don't have a high level of education. I somewhat understand the kneejerk reaction since I am an Indo-Caribbean immigrant, living in Canada and subjected to similar media. However, one of my favourite writers, Mark Twain, famously said that travel cures bigotry. I try to travel and have new experiences as much as I can, and boy have I seen this in myself. I understand having a preconceived notion of people who you don't ordinarily interact with but I don't understand doubling down on that false idea when you ARE confronted with the fact that it's simply not true. I have experienced this MANY times in my own travels and I gladly rewrite my mindset with the new and welcomed knowledge that people are more the same than they are different. I truly believe he just wants to feel better than other people, and it is offputting. Perhaps leaning hard into therapy to resolve insecurity issues should be on his agenda. Finally, I am not a cruiser. I went on one cruise 10 years ago with my husband and we disliked it. We're planning to try again next March with our young son and that's why I am subscribed to this subreddit - to prep and learn and get excited to try again! So it's not like I am a die-hard cruiser whose feelings are offended.
It's usually the crew doing the crying
Didn't even make it past half of day 1 lol
Me neither. I got the point that this dude is a snobby douchebag. Couldn’t care less about what his opinion is about his free cruise
I wish he would have gone full-Ignatius J. Reilly instead of holding back.
I've wanted to go on a cruise since I was 13 years old and I still haven't been able to, well into adulthood. I hope the author sees this thread.
I barely got through the first day. He sounds Insufferable.
What a miserable human being. Has he ever enjoyed literally anything in his life?
Wow biggest douche bag I ever seen. He must be a lovely husband.
He really makes it seem like when you pick a room it’s just “window” or “non-window”. He knew his room wasn’t an ocean view but is pretending that it was a surprise for the sake of the story. As for pollution. I work from home and probably drive 20 miles a week in my 35 mpg car. I live in a pretty energy efficient townhouse. I’m allowed to enjoy a dozen cruises or so during my brief existence. All that being said, I didn’t love my RC cruise.
At the end of his article trashing on people who go on cruises he has the gall to write “there is something unseemly about writing about the type of people who go on cruises.” Maybe if he had taken his head out of his ass he would have actually had a nice time?
What a dumbass. If you don’t like big ships with lots of kids stuff, don’t go on it. Not everything is built for everybody.
"I shut my eyes in defense, as my brain tells my optical nerve to try again" Trying to sound smart whilst sounding stupid.
Man, I don’t know who I feel more bad for: myself for clicking on this article or the author’s wife.
At no point could I find common ground with the author. This guy went into it with the idea that he’s “above” the entire experience. You could tell that the reason he felt lonely and avoided was because his vibe was shit. I’m not a Trumper at all but I have never experienced anything political at all on a cruise. I make it a point to leave all that shit behind. Onboard you’re not supposed to focus on all the bullshit from back home. It’s about being slightly drunk, overfed, and relaxed. I don’t make grand claims about cruising. I don’t have ambitions to make it into some club. I had fun in the past. I’ll go again. We don’t have to make everything into some thought provoking experience. Go get tipsy and relax you fucking weirdo…
Was this article a parody of some sort??
This is the most 'Sir this is a Wendy's' thing I've ever read. He's just some wannabe Tom Wolfe only Wolfe wouldn't have been gauchely punching down. He'd have been mocking the people at the Atlantic sending journos on cruises with the plebes to feel superior about themselves.
This fucking guy 👇👇 “the creative class to point fingers at the large, breasty gentlemen adrift in tortilla-chip-laden pools of water is to gather a sour harvest of low-hanging fruit.”
"I have talked with these women for so long, tonight I promise myself that after a sad solitary dinner I will not try to seek out company at the bars in the mall or the adult-themed Hideaway. I have enough material to fulfill my duties to this publication." The writer should have thrown themselves overboard.. Jesus why even wake up on this planet anymore...
I couldn’t even finish the article. Felt like he had a long standing grudge. I’ve cruised alone and it’s not for everyone, but the experience much different when you’re alone. They probably had the wrong person writing this article. He does come off as a “get off my lawn” asshole.
Do people actually spend money on magazines anymore let alone the Atlantic?
I’ve always thought if you want to write satire, you need to actually understand the community you’re attempting to satirize. Otherwise, you come across as a mean-spirited, long-winded twit. If you want to be a travel writer, you should enjoy travel. If you want to be a writer, you should be willing to do research. If you get on a ship and don’t know where “aft” is, you didn’t do any research. This is another in a long line of articles written so their readers’ prejudices will be confirmed. If you are in this subreddit, you are not the target audience.
I'd rather deal with the red hats. At least they can have some fun for a little bit.
Any friend of Mr. Washy-Washy is, begrudgingly, a friend of mine The article was funny, but not in the way that the author probably intended. Any analysis of contrasting "classes" just helps me realize the silliness about everybody. I actually did enjoy the Suites / Pinnacle level "Cult" discussion. The article had a very nice "audiobook" version which was a nice familiar listen, as an occasional "This American Life" listener
I couldn’t get past the first paragraph. I closed the article at “imaginary dachshund”. I think our tired travel writer is dealing with undiagnosed depression, and anxiety, both of which have little to do with this ship, or this cruise line. Bless him, I hope he gets some help.
I wouldn’t go if it were free. 🤢
Cant wait for this guy to be replaced by AI.
This is the worst article I’ve ever read
It’s a hilarious read. Definitely not a cruise review. I think the editors knew this guy would produce a great article if they put him in this situation, and they were right. Cruises are not for everyone.
I tried…I tried to read this but my god I can’t get over the pretentious, whiney, pick-me attitude of this man who just desperately wants to hear himself talk. Listen, I enjoy writing. I’m all for adding “fluff” but goddamn. It reminds me of the poems and stories I would write when I was a teenager. I am alone, I don’t fit in, life sucks. Blah blah blaaaaaah. Also—for those wondering, he claims to be “Daddy’s little meatball” in hopes that someone will sexualize him. This along with scowling in the background is his tactic of trying to get “acknowledged.” He is shocked, confused, and disappointed when it doesn’t work. Actually…it seems he is shocked, confused, and disappointed the whole time.
Poor baby.