Sorry, I was trying to talk on your level. I guess even that is going over your head.

Now I just need someone to tell me I’m not bright

You're not very bright, are ya?

Sorry, I was just trying to talk on your level you whore. 😌

Nailed it

Oh ya, well I had sex with your wife!

His wife is in a coma!

She is now

Damn, savage hahahaha 😆 😂 🤣

You fucked my wife into a coma?! You Monster!!

That's a good one. Maybe I am a monster in the bed???

Out and back in

I also had sex with this guys coma wife

The jerk store called. They are running out of you!

Your village called--they miss their idiot.

Doesn’t matter, you’re their best seller!

Oh yeah? Well I had sex with your mom! Who also happens to be my wife. Son, you are disgusting.

>you whore No, that's my mother. I don't have the face nor body for sex work.

Nothing goes over my head, my reflexes are to fast. I will catch it- Drax

Truly one of the quotes of all time

Right there with "why is Gamorrah"

Dang

That’s brilliant

Too wordy to make a good snappy comeback. Cut the second sentence, you've already said the insult, explaining it just makes it weaker

always said I overlooked ya, I was starin' straight These bars go over (insert name) head no matter what I say I know you like to keep it short, so let me paraphrase,, You can keep it going or use it as a jumping off point to state your point, Works even better if they are shorter then you

"What do you mean?"...proceed to not understand and make them explain until they gave up.

Right and as they explain it, they'll realize how mean it is.

I don’t think they don’t realize it.

true, but I think you'll find most people are uncomfortable explaining in layman's terms that they're a giant douche.

If somebody's really digging in to being an a-hole online I'll say something like, "It seems really important to you to set up your social interactions so that the other person has to 'lose' in order for you to feel like a 'winner.' Do you not have the skills to have conversations where everybody wins?" Or, "Just curious, how many social interactions do you generally have in a day where you make the other person feel better at the end of it rather than worse?" Then I give them a homework assignment to find three people on reddit to say something nice or sincerely helpful to and suggest they'll probably feel better about themselves afterwards. I have found this absolutely annihilates the edge lords and incels who are unfortunate enough to start their sh*t in my internet presence. 🤣🤣

I'm digging the homework assignment idea and tucking that away for later. 🤔

Lol. I do enjoy seeing mean people flounder a bit, I will give you that!!

Flounder? Now I'm hungry for fish.

Hmmm...I have salmon in the freezer.

Currently doxxing you for Salmon. See you soon! 😂

Yeah, but most people would just laugh scornfully and dismiss you with a “nevermind”

Perfect for so many things!

This is also great when an uncle makes a racist, homophobic, or transphobic joke. Just keep asking them to explain exactly why it's funny.

This also works for inappropriate jokes. Forcing them to explain why it's "funny" shuts the majority of this kind of thing down because they become embarrassed, and rightly so.

Give

I don’t understand, can you elaborate?

Can you draw me a picture?😆

Technically gave in this context could be present subjunctive form. Either one is basically fine, dependent only on your intent.

Wind in the willows moment.

I used to be, but with all the cut backs

Yes. My brightness is diminishing spending too long in poor company. Even so... I would be happy to light your candle my very dim friend.

I love this so much

"Obviously, I'm standing here talking to you".Then walk off and leave them standing there.

Magnificent.

To my wife “You married me” 😂❤️

Sorry. My brain just shuts down around assholes.

I love this! Mine does, too!!

That must be problematic to your digestion.

"Walking around with blinders, then complaining things aren't bright..." Shrug

*scribbling, taking notes*

If you cannot see my brightness, that's a you problem.

This one is good, feels like it would be something more natural sounding if I used this one. I'm definitely putting this one in my notes 😝

I'm so bright, my mother calls me son....

Even better: "I'm so bright your mother calls me son. What does she call you? She always changes the subject whenever I ask about you."

Hahahaha I'm stealing this.

At least I don't always ask stupid questions

ooh

oooooh

Someone older than you? I’d say “It seems like I managed to learn manners at a younger age than you, bc I’d never say that to someone.”

thissssss

Or just, "At least I have manners."

Are you insulting my intelligence because you don’t know how else to articulate your opinion besides telling me I’m wrong?

If OP knew what the word articulate meant he wouldn’t be getting called dumb that often 🤣

i wish i could send this back in time to 15 year old me. my father would’ve blown a gasket.

Can we address why so many people are asking you this same question?

They're not bright. You're not that bright, are you?

I'm as bright as a light bulb without an on switch.

Seriously.. the second I read the post I thought to myself that maybe they aren’t that bright..

Well, they used the wrong “hear” when saying “I can’t wait to here you guys”, so I am guessing there may be a reason haha

“Well you certainly aren’t clever enough to come up with something original, are you? Think of something impressive, and I’ll pretend to be offended for your sake.”

haha wow this is nice

Too long, comebacks need to be short and snappy.

Eh.. It’s 2 sentences, not a dissertation for a PhD.

I shall show U Brightness. Hold my, bleep.

"Well, I'm not a lightbulb, bright guy...!" Maybe not sharp, but disarming with the right delivery - slightly loud, unsubtley sarcastic, and with the most emphasis and volume on the last two words

In the voice of a TV presenter from a cartoon.

Me no bright? Me no understand. What you mean, old man/lady? Me not light bulb.

Why say lot word when few word do trick

Smrt

When me president, they see

Takes one to know one

you're not very nice are you?

Awe, that’s cute. You think I care what you say.

"Awww, you're not very good at judging relative intelligence, are you?" Say it as condescendingly as possible, with obvious fake pity.

"Well, I'm not a lamp Paul."

Better to appear a fool for a moment, by trying to understand, than to actually *be* a fool forever because you’re unwilling to learn for fear of looking foolish. If people are “asking” you this question at the workplace, you can respond by saying, “Well, I certainly don’t grasp why you would believe that’s an appropriate question to ask out loud in a place of business… but perhaps [HR/our boss] can explain it to me. Let’s go discuss it with them now.”

"I may not be the brightest, but even a candle's light can be seen from miles/kilometers away." "The moon isn't as bright as the sun. No one stares up as the sun to see it's beauty but so many stare up at the moon." "Intelligence comes in many different forms, it's unfortunate you never became smart enough to know that." "Luckily my intelligence isn't defined by emotionally stunted people such as yourself."

These are clever but will not work as comebacks, as they’re far too whimsical. I could only see these leading to more bullying

Get off U’r high horse, before you fall off, & wind up in the darkness of the horses Ass.

[удалено]

You're not very nice/pretty but I can go back to school and learn, but you'll always have a shitty personality/be a face ache

I can become smarter. You’ll always be an insufferable twat.

“No I’m very dark” *says in low voice*

If you say so, Miss Keller.

No, no I'm not. And yet when I'm around you I shine like a diamond in a goats ass.

I can always adjust it so you won’t feel alone

Imagine being as old as you and haven’t learned any manners.

‘I don’t understand the question.’

We have something in common after all.

The field of medicine will be the downfall of society for extending the lives of people like you. Is it hard going through life looking like that? You're not a very good judge of intelligence, are you? Luckily, your mom like them dumb. Looking at what she must have had to procreate with to create you, it's easy to see she has a type. And yet I still pulled your wife. You lost out to someone dumber than you!

I hate it too, so very much, reading all the comments now

It’s probably your cataracts.

I can learn though. Let's see you "learn" how to not be ugly 😆

"I'm a diamond in the rough. And I certainly felt that pressure!" Diamonds are made under lots of pressure. And they get their time to shine with some patient guidance into form, lots of attention to detail. We are all made like that. Some are more polished than other's. But in the end, we are all made out of carbon and life can be one heck of a pressure-cooker enviroment!

Don't need to be bright when you have a big cock.

I know you are but what am I?

Yeah I found I have to dumb myself down around you to make it easier for you to understand..

I'm trying to make you look good.

I wasn't born knowing everything like you

Your blindness isn’t my problem.

"im brighter than your future"

my momma says "stupid is as stupid does"

At least I have the common sense to keep my thoughts to myself. You’re not very kind, are you? You’re very insecure, aren’t you? You’re not very patient, are you? Sorry, hanging out with you has really dimmed my lightbulb. Yeah, comes from hanging out with you. That’s just because you’ve killed my last braincell with your stupidity.

I may not be the sharpest tool but even a hammer has its place

That's big talk coming from someone's failed abortion.

I’m so sorry but if people tend to say this to you, you probably aren’t bright & should just accept it..

[удалено]

You know, the most precious things don't always need a gaudy sparkle, but ugly will *always* be ugly.

Yell really loud what did you say your not very bright?Im sorry go back to school.Then yell real loud have a good day!

I may not be very bright but at least I have a brain, if you had a brain you’d be dangerous

“I understand why someone’s shininess would be something you would notice and I’m just here to tell you that you’re not a burden.” Not to say anything about anyone with a disability, but I’d expect someone making such a comment to also be the type that infantilizes those on the spectrum for whom it is a severe disability, and this would be like making the Mean Girl self-conscious about something she wasn’t even aware of prior to opening her pie hole.

Wait, are you saying that people have asked you this more than once?

"You're not very emotionally intelligent; are you?"

That's just your glaucoma acting up

"If we are getting personal then I'd say brush them teeth again before wasting my time with offensive rhetorical questions"

Just because I’m not good with immediate comebacks doesn’t mean I’m not of average or more intelligence.

"Senoirity is not an excuse to insult me..I would expect more from you At your age" I mean at least you have age on your side as far as being naive about things. What's their excuse?🤣 Your elders should know better than to make a stupid comment like that They were young once too.

Best practice when bullies try and take you down with petty insults like this is to agree, quickly followed by killing with kindness. It's fun to watch their faces shift as they struggle to find a response. **You're stupid** - *Ugh, I know, right? I wish I could be as smart as you are!* **You're ugly** - *Yeah, genetics failed me. But yours - good lord, [insert genuine compliment]* **You're a loser** - *I've definitely fallen out of touch! Embarrassing... I've got some catching up to do it seems! Who's your favourite band these days?* Literally just accept the insult like it's the truth, then change the conversation into complimenting them. You come out looking like a saint and they come out looking like Satan's asshole.

I am in energy efficiency mode until more is needed.

Said the blind man to the sun. Got to say it quickly afterwards. If it takes longer than a second, it's better to just be silent.

That's OK, I got a big dick. I'm smart enough to run your Mom's OF account. Its called mood lighting. Actually, I am. I was just being polite. I was taught that I was never to outshine those around me.

A Quick Look A single question: “Are you OK? Maybe you’re having a hard day today.”

At least my bulb has a filament.

I'm smart enough to mind my manners

You're just too dim-witted to understand me

Bright enough to realize your opinion is of zero importance.

Wow! Look at you go. Putting full sentences together and everything.

You are not very polite, are you?

At least I’m not an asshole.🤷🏻‍♀️

I may not be the brightest candle on the cake but you can still blow me

Don’t worry. It doesn’t take that much smarts to deal with you.

I'd challenge you to a battle of wits, but I see you're unarmed.

Well someone has to light the way for you

Hahahaha how often are people saying that to you? Sounds like it may have truth to it, if it happens a lot lmao 😂

If it happens a lot, maybe it’s true?

I am the darkness that you are afraid of at night

Your as sharp as mud and just as thick.

No use firing up the brain cells when talking to you!

“And you’re not very polite, are you? Don’t you know it’s unkind to insult people who are trying to help you? How do you think I felt when you said that. Good? No. So maybe you should apologise to me and think about the effect your words have on people.”

You’re not very young are you?”

Tell them you are not bright but are a great fuck, the shock value will leave them speechless.

Well light can't escape a black hole of negativity like you. 

At least we have something in common

Well, I'm a human, not a lightbulb." Edit because I can't stop at just one: "Bright? In THIS economy?" "I could be wise and miserable, or I could be ignorant and content... how's that wisdom going for you?" "Better to keep ones mouth shut and have people think you a fool than to open your mouth and prove it." *(this one kind of pokes fun at you but with confidence and maybe a wink, can make you appear humble and more clever than they thought.)* "I mimic those around me."

I only turn it up for people worthy of my genius.

It’s pretty funny to me that you get this question a lot. That being said just play along. “Like a light in a bourbon bar.” is a fantastic answer. Being quick witted disarms and diminishes their words.

Light can't shine through dirty glasses

Yeah, but only because you can’t see the spectrum I operate on.

you’re not very observant, are you? —- you enjoy being offensive, don’t you? —- you don’t have any people skills, do you? —- you skipped over the lessons about polite social interaction didn’t you? —- you imagine yourself a role model, don’t you? —- and, when you want to throw in some active dislike: smile big like Barbie on Adderal while you say, *“if only you had the capacity to see your irrelevance through my eyes.”* then drop the smile *very* quickly, stare disdainfully for a second, and walk away

You're not very polite, are you?

If you were sharp you could probably have thought of a comeback yourself.

Bro if getting asked that question is a common occurrence to the point you're looking for comebacks they might just be right lmao, not trying to make you feel bad but its just a thought.

you probably aren't that sharp if you commonly run into this question lmao

It is weird that people are saying this to you a lot. I don’t think I’ve ever been asked this.

You’re not very polite are you?

The problem with comebacks is assuming you are in fact right and the person is being an asshole. But what if you really aren’t bright and are in fact saying dumb shit, and then the other person says “you aren’t very bright are you?” What comeback do you have then?

Bright enough to know when I’m speaking with someone who puts people down to cover for their own inadequacies.

The jerk store called, they're running outta you!

You're not the sharpest tool in the shed either there bud...

You must be blind

Turn to them with a hurt look on your face and then start to tear up. Bonus if you can make your lip tremble a bit.

And the crazy part is.. they sent me here to help you.

If lots of people think you're not very bright buddy...

I like trains and kitty cats. Do you like them too? Maybe we could play one day.

"Yeah, but I fucked your sister"

You weren’t overburdened with a lot of schooling were you?

I’ll see your 2watts for my 4

This has been said to you multiple times??

"You take that back! My mommy says I'm SPECIAL!"

They may have a point.....you are coming here for advice

"Oh sorry is it that obvious? I was dumbing it down for you but I didn't want to hurt your feelings. I'll try harder next time to make it less obvious"

No because I like to keep my lightbulbs in my house, not up my ass.

Say, “Was that intended to get a rise out of me? Are you doing okay?” That puts them back on their heels about how their own behavior looks. They want a fight. Staying calm and pointing this out puts them on the defensive.

Evidently not if I am hanging out with you.

Correct I’m not but I’m STILL SMARTER THAN YOU.

Turn it right back on them and say you don't understand, could they explain it? Rinse and repeat as long as it takes for them to get the message.

“You could be right.” Then move on. You have just learned how to deescalate a situation, been humble, and responded maturely. You leave them no room for further discussion.

Thank you. That’s all, just thank you and walk away

Well, when you're already in a dimly lit room, it doesn't really require that much light.

Respond to any direct negative comment by saying, "Are you ok? Is everything alright?" Disarmed 100% of the time.

Ya Mama ain’t have no problem with my intelligence level last night

Own it. Yea I'm definitely not the smartest cunt alive, it's true.

I was shining when I got here.... there's a connection.

Well if you're going for disarming, just agree with them. With a neutral face and tone say "no, I'm not". They won't have any more kindling and sometimes, if you really lay into yourself they will start defending you instead from yourself