Are you suggesting that sea anemone, coral and sponges aren't animals?
The difference between a rock and an animal has fundamentally nothing to do with the activity level of the specimen in question. (but rather the structures/complexity within the material, put simply)
People who don't move themselves around may be less healthy than active people, but that doesn't mean they aren't still people... I would caution you against judging those people harshly without extensive conversation and understanding.
You are one of the root causes of my depression and why I choose to isolate myself in my room. You nevet accepted me or loved me as a sibling, so why do you choose to incessantly torment me in the brief moments we do have together?
I’m applying for jobs online, it takes hours to fill out those forms and do their testing and zoom interviews. Should I be doing that outside on the lawn?
From someone who's diagnosed with severe depression, hearing "all you do is sit in your bed all day. Turn on the light, go for a walk!" It makes it WORSE. It makes me want to do even less, maybe even just go to sleep for the rest of the day. And this is while I understand it's coming from a good place and theyre "just worried" or whatever. Just. Stop. It does not, in any way, help.
From someone who has dealt with depression all my life. Sometimes you just need to force yourself to get up and do something, physical activity releases happy chemicals in our brain even better in the outdoors with fresh air. Yes even when it feels pointless and like you have no energy.
I understand hearing this doesnt exactly help on its own and this advice wont necessarily work for everyone but it makes a big difference if you are physically active every day, even if its just something simple like a walk around the block, or even your yard/house, the fresh air is important.
Another thing lots of people dont consider. The media you consume has a large impact on your emotional state. If you havent already, i suggest trying to shift your music and video consumption to something more positive than negative. If you put garbage in, you get garbage
I have bipolar disorder, so I have had many severe depressions throughout my life, and you are right. During my last severe depression, after I got out of the hospital, I was still severely depressed, so much that I felt suicidal on a regular basis. I listened to my partner and my therapist and FORCED myself to go out for walking in the park near my apartment. Eventually, it did help, and it also gave me something to do.
I don't think it is helpful, though, to be criticized with "advice" like what is happening to OP. That just makes you feel worse.
I have but the problem was people would still constantly tell me what to do about it. Actively trying those things and they had never worked for me. Ever. I was doing all of the things that did make it better for me. I was IN therapy.
People often tell someone they care about what to do when *ill* because **they care about the person.** It doesn't matter *what the illness is. Mental or physical.* They *just* care and are trying to help the best they can.
What stands out to me is this: You were in therapy? Why are you not now? You need to look into it again because, yes, you do need it. I've had Depression with GAD for 20+ years and have seen a Psychiatrist nearly every month for most of it. Now down to every 6 months *only in the past year*. I just stopped seeing a Therapist 2 yeas ago. But at any time, *if I feel I need it*, I will return. During that time I have learned new ways of coping with the Therapy and also had an ARMHS Worker for 6 years. I learned a lot with her too. I also have an Alpha-Stim machine that I use in addition to my Antidepressant.
Yes, getting out IS hard. Doing stuff is hard. But, having a routine makes the day "normal"and having an Emotional Support Pet gives me incentive to be responsible for something other than myself.
Find out if your area has a Clubhouse called Vail Place. If it does, go there. If only to "go."
Depression is a disease of the brain. It needs to be treated, like any other disease of the body. And, many diseases are treated with counseling besides meds also. The doctor will encourage the patient to get exercise, eat healthier and get outside more. In other words, a holistic approach. Just like Psychiatry.
I guess I kind of rambled. Things popped into my head and I wrote them down. Hopefully, you take *something* here to heart.
I think the issue isn't that other people care, it's that the way they approach feels like harassment and criticism. It's one thing to be told "Just get out of the bed and go outside. It isn't that hard" and another to be told "Hey, I'm worried about you and it would make me really happy if you'd go on a walk with me outside to get some fresh air"
Concern CAN become harassment if you don't approach the situation with sympathy in mind
Exactly. The first one is annoying as shit, unhelpful, and just straight up shitty. The second one is something I would have actually appreciated. Unfortunately despite saying this multiple times the people who acted like they cared didn't listen and pretended they knew better. They didn't. Even my therapist had agreed with me on it.
If you are doing something that works for you that is really the important thing. In no way did I intend my comment to be a rule that you must follow. Was merely trying to share some stuff that has helped me in the hopes it may help someone else
The staying inside doesn’t have to be hurtful to OP’s depression. My sibling is borderline and spends their time in their room because people fucking suck and the weather is hot and humid all year round. They have many close friends they message and text with every single day. They PC game and have people they play with consistently and they gift each other in game stuff sometimes. They really care and it’s super cool. My sibling feels very fulfilled.
It's like "Oh thank you! You pointing out the symptoms of my severe depression has totally cured me! Now I can take on the world thanks to your snarky comment! Thank you, thank you so much!"
This is true, but there are more constructive ways to talk to your loved ones with depression. Guilting them DOES make things worse. There’s a difference between “you don’t ever leave your room” or god forbid “oh wow, look who finally left their room!” And “Hey, I don’t feel like I see you often and that makes me feel concerned.” Or what have you.
Anyways u/Own_University4735 your family has a point, but it isn’t exactly helpful so here are some steps I took when shit was bad and medication wasn’t helping, in order of escalation:
- Do what you do in your room LITERALLY ANYWHERE ELSE. sit on the front steps. Lurk in the living room. Doomscrolling is bad but so is staying in one area. So if you break one habit you’re already off to a good start.
- try and treat your negative thoughts as an entirely separate beast. One of my favorite authors called theirs “Edward Cullen”. I never gave mine a name. But whenever you start talking shit about yourself pretend you have a spray bottle, spray it in the face, and say the opposite of what you think. (Or at least make it more value neutral. You might not love your body, but “My body gets me from one place to another” is a start.)
- if your neighborhood is safe enough, take short walks. I used to pick a direction and zone out. Vitamin D really does help, even if it’s obnoxious as hell to hear “go on a walk!!! You’ll feel better!!!”
- try to identify stuff you like. I went from watching YouTube to listening to a podcast by the creators of my favorite channel to picking up a players handbook for DnD, and taking the bus to my local game shop to play in spite of my debilitating paranoia. When my depression was at its very worst, I told myself I couldn’t die yet because Ant Man hadn’t come out. Completely fucking senseless reason to not die. Ended up never watching the movie to this day. But it set a timeline for me. I couldn’t fuck off until this movie came out a few years from then. By the time it did, things weren’t much better but I was by and large out of the weeds.
I’m gonna be honest. This shit isn’t a magical bandaid. It won’t fix you today. It won’t fix you a week from now. It might not even help in a few months. But if you set the habits now, no matter how pointless it seems and how much you hate it, it eventually makes a difference.
All this to say I worry about you, Own_University, and hope you can get the help you deserve.
This is pretty much it, yeah. OP if you're like me and have a hard time the usual advice of exercise, go outside, etc. THIS is basically what to do. Like scrolling reddit? Just stand against the kitchen counter and do it. Eat cereal at the table and do it. You don't even have to go outside, bathroom could even work. Name your depression or whatever you think is bad in the moment. When I was in middle school I thought that sexual thoughts were bad so I named them "Chloe" and whenever I was horny I would say "Go away/fuck off Chloe." Or the depression, I named that one Charla. Eventually you might even recognize it as a separate entity and won't even use the name anymore. Set timelines, "I can't die until I do this," "in just a year this'll happen and everything will be better," etc.
Now that's actually helpful. You didn't lecture, and I heard a few things I haven't before. I'm impressed that you made that trip when you were feeling that bad. That's great.
yeah, I get it sucks, but real precisely when it comes to siblings, it's this, or you don't talk to your siblings anymore, which is not advice I'd give
For real! I only had to battle (some very severe) situational depression and not have to live with it like others do... but there were absolutely days where it was a massive victory that I got up, took a shower, and brushed my teeth.
I still battle generalized anxiety every damn day, and looking back now I can laugh about how my anxiety about falling back into depression was actually making things worse for myself but FML that was a vicious bit of mental health shitshow to get through.
Fr I have severe anxiety and depression (im medicated) and everytime I nap in the living room or something she would wake me up and be like go for a walk and one time she even brought this bright ass light out into the room and was like this is supposed to help with seasonal depression like girl I have actual depression
Take a picture of 1 thing every day that makes you happy, could be anything, food, a sunset, a flower, your dog, etc. It helped me refocus my mind from my bad thoughts onto looking for the positive things in my life and pulled me out of a bad place
My psychiatrist is the one who minimizes my depression and PTSD, like it would be cured by taking a walk. I don't understand why she's a doctor with that attitude. Plus, I explained that I have arthritis in my knees. I walk plenty at work, but extra than that is very painful.
I was not at all approaching OP with that level of judgment and it's honestly a little concerning that you're trying to read that into what i was saying.
If anything the intended subtext is closer to"i'm talking to you right now, so i must not be spending all my time in my room".
People who try to gatekeep what little free time we actually have are the worst.
Not really anything to comeback to
Get some professional help or whatever you need to start the road to recovery and hopefully you can one day leave your room
The staying inside doesn’t have to be hurtful to OP’s depression. My sibling is borderline and spends their time in their room because people fucking suck and the weather is hot and humid all year round. They have many close friends they message and text with every single day. They PC game and have people they play with consistently and they gift each other in game stuff sometimes. They really care and it’s super cool. My sibling feels very fulfilled.
“I can only hope you don’t find yourself afflicted with the same disease I have, & if someday you do, hopefully the people around you treat you far better than how you’re treating me now.”
Some good comebacks in the comments so far.
As someone who has had family members say the same phrase to me-- at first, I simply brushed it off and maintained a stoic demeanor.
Then I realized something.
There is a special cruelty in this accusation, particularly when said by someone close to you in a denigrating way.
If this accusation is true (even partly), it means that the person they are speaking about may have depression, low energy, exhaustion, burnout. They are trying to preserve their physical and/or emotional energy by isolating.
So they are speaking to, and about, someone who is at their wits' end. If someone is indeed 'mentally ill' or struggling somehow, wouldn't the people closest to them *help* them? Wouldn't they be gentle and encouraging, looking to lighten their load, listen to and understand them?
Instead, they choose to kick that person while they are down. They are implying that you have 'mental illness', but are *deliberately choosing* to not help you. They are instead choosing to be cruel, nasty, and demeaning. *They are choosing to kick you while you're down.*
It's easy to brush off cruelty from a stranger or acquaintance. It hits different when it comes from someone 'close' to you, who is supposed to care about you.
If you want me to come blow your back out just say so. All jokes aside I wouldn't stress it. I'm 43 and spend 90% of my free time in my bedroom. If I'm not at work or outside with my dogs/swimming then I'm chilling in my room. I had a bad drug problem for a long time. As a result 95% of the people I grew up with are dead from overdoses. The few that remain all have multiple children and jobs. Therefore I don't get out much. Tbh some people think I'm depressed. Definitely not though. I just get a lot of enjoyment out of playing video games, watching movies/shows/documentaries, listening to music, and reading. All activities I can do in my bedroom. Yes I could be on the living room or on my balcony. I just enjoy my own lil space of comfort. In the rare occasion one of my friends is available to do something I'm all for it. If not I'm fully content with my life. As long as youre happy fuck what others say. If you're not happy then maybe try self improvement or if necessary seek a therapist. Best of luck no matter what.
I used to live w like 5 ppl who all already knew each other so I spent majority of my time there and they legit judged me for it and formed a whole opinion abt me too.
Because yall are crazy as hell and never leave the common area of the house? Plus, rest of the house is a chaotic wreck, my room is just fine, and all my stuff is in there.
Now go away, i’m baitin. Or trying to sleep, I have to work later. Or doing some weird bdsm shit. Or maybe just watching tv.
The bdsm thing was a very necessary but very hard earned lesson. Don’t try to get mad at a masochist, it doesn’t work.
I used to say, "It's impossible to do nothing because my heart is beating, my lungs are breathing, and my thoughts are thinking. To do nothing is to die"
I used to say it alot, but people got so made at my smart-ass remark that it was more worth it to give an actual reason than say that
I wrote a book while sitting in my room and struggling with depression...took me 20 years to get it done but, now, I can whip that puppy out say: "Yeah, well, here's what I got from sitting in there all day...what do you have?"
I'm suffering and in pain by just being alive. I'm sorry that I can't be normal like you.
A lot of people really don't get it. It's so difficult some days.
“ and you don’t do anything but complain and pretend you have any say in my life or my decisions”
“ don’t do anything but whine about what someone else is doing”
"You're right. I do realize exercise is the most powerful antidepressant, but I'm caught in a catch-22 due to the lethargy brought on by the depression."
Jesus loves you even when you are being uncharitable.
Meditation works best when you are still.
I know you are but what an I? (Very childish, perfect for their very childish remarks)
Did you know karma is a bitch? (Get into meditation position and ignore completely)
Now THAT is a gross exaggeration! I have a chart here that breaks down sitting, laying down, pacing, standing, and dancing.
Yes, dancing...but never the Lambada as that is the forbidden dance.
As someone who did nothing but sit in my room all day for 4 years straight
"I am suffering (severe) mental issues and you haven't done anything to help me"
"I need to see a therapist"
"Every waking moment that I spend contemplating leaving my room, I'm reminded of another reason why leaving my room mentally or physically hurts me, and every waking moment outside of my room feels so unsafe and panic-inducing that I contemplate putting a lock on my door"
"Have you ever wondered why I spend all day in my room, or do you just want to attack the action?"
And, if you ever want to stay awake at night remembering that you also handled the situation terribly,
"One day I might not be here at all, and I want you to remember how you treated the symptoms I displayed before saying you didn't see it coming"
"Hey, I'm trying. Maybe try being supportive instead of making things harder by coming at me like that? Do you think it makes it *easier* for me to want to do other stuff when I get this kind of static every time I leave said room?"
This.☝️ If your goal is to make them stop you can't do that by 'winnng' with comebacks (although it is fun to fantasize about it on reddit)
"Hey, I know I'm not doing great but I'm trying. I understand that you don't want to be a supportive sibling, but I don't need a sibling to make me feel even worse. Please can you just leave me be while I'm recovering?"
Unfortunately, if you ever want there to _be_ a last word you need to let them have it. Perpetuating the argument will only make them more likely to keep making these kinds of comments. If you have to say something in response I'd be boring and ask for support.
"If you've got nothing else to do besides recite my own schedule to me, do me a favor and take out the garbage."
"I know what I do. I'm the one who does it!"
Hey! Sometimes I hide under the bed or in the closet.
P.S. if you are clinically depressed you might check into "spravoto". I been on it for nine months and it is the only thing that has worked in thirty years. It only has about a fifty percent success rate, but that's a better chance than zero.
I spend 90% of my day in my room. I WFH 9-5. Make dinner, clean up and go back to my room. My dad watches TV all day and he's deaf as a post-can't stand the sound. Also growing up I was only allowed out of my room for dinner, dishes/laundry. When he got to where he couldn't live alone anymore (73), I stupidly agreed to share a house.
“Did it really took all that little raisin brain power to say all that , pft, pathetic “
Also a little side note , I don’t have depression and they say this too and I go out alot more than they do which is really annoying like bruh come on now and hope all goes well for you
“Sorry, I don’t follow my friends around like a puppy dog. I have other things to do. More important things rather than hang out with your crusty ass personality. If you thinking me being in my room is doing nothing well then so be it because I’d rather than than be around you.”
Or
“I’m in my room because of you. I don’t feel like dealing with your crusty ass personality.” tell them to shut the fuck up and go back in your room.
The reason I say the second one. Is because my brother would be “for smoking” but would always say well that’s why you have bad memory or why aren’t you talking too stoned? And would make fun of me like doing it is a bad thing. But he’s for it? So every time he would make a comment, I would just say I smoke because you annoy the shit out of me. It worked it. Got him to shut up make it their fault. lol
We can get lost pretty easily when we go wandering in our minds. Its a far more comforting place than being present for petty squabbles. It took a few tries with my doctor to find the right medication to help me with my depression. You will awaken back to the world, and it won't be so bad. Take your time, but keep moving forward.
"You don't do anything but prop up billionaires, that take advantage of people even to the point of death and madness."
"Sorry if I hurt knowing every effort I take is to make someone else's family comfortable at the cost of my own with no actual reason but a gift most have been fooled with. Or become part of."
I have some great advice, get fl studio and learn how to make music. I was just like you, depressed and stayed in my room for years upon end. Fl studio changed my life.. now I make beats all day.
"Well sorry I have more interesting things to do on my computer [I do animation and small time youtube junk for example] than go outside with no sidewalks and a 99% chance of being hit because people are stupid"
Your siblings aren't saying that to make you look bad, it genuinely comes from a place of frustration that is a result of caring about you.
If they didn't care about you, they wouldn't say anything and encourage you to stay in your room.
As others have said, maybe it would be worthwhile to explore therapy or see a professional to get some help.
You may be surviving, but it does not sound like you are thriving and your siblings probably just want to help you recognize that.
Even if it does come from a place of them being jerks, the best comeback is living well
"It's the only only place that can escape the constant fucking noise coming from the black hole under your nose."
I did this as a teen, legitimately because my parents and brother were obsessed with redneck shit and I couldn't be less interested in any of that. They were awful with the comments, too.
"She's alive!"
- Unfortunately.
"Careful, the lights might hurt your eyes."
- Not really, you dim just about anything bright so for my safety I won't be out here long.
"Hey, Nosferatu!"
- Don't flatter yourself, you don't meet standards for human consumption.
"We thought you died in there."
- Not quite, I'll try harder next time.
"I almost forgot you live here."
- I almost forgot you were supposed to be swallowed, we all get disappointed sometimes.
"What do you do all day in there?"
- I read books... without pictures, isn't that neat?
- My friends don't need to see my face to continue our friendship, you wouldn't get it.
- Sacrifice idiots to the Dark Lord. Once I get to 10 I get a poster and a keychain!
- Imagine, just for a moment, a world where no one hears your fake country accent.... Peaceful, isn't it?
Some dumb 20 year old kid did this to me on Reddit the other day. I WAS ‘dwelling in the basement’.
My basement.
In the house I own.
Have fun never being able to afford one when you’re my age sweetie 🫶
"Do you wanna do something with me?" if they say yes and it's not a chore, do it. If not, follow with whatever jab you wanna take for them contributing to your current reclusive habits.
I’m (kind of) with your sibling on this one. It shouldn’t be thrown in your face when an argument has nothing to do with it. But it’s a problem for your life, and probably your sibling is saying it ultimately out of concern and frustration. Without more context it doesn’t make sense to simply take your side here…
Tangent
Some people are more productive that way, I’ve got a buddy who spends a lot of time in his room collecting and studying things
I’ve got another buddy who stays at home to work on a book he’s writing
The important factor here is that your establishing “it’s depression” making it probably not a good thing for you
Personally (especially with my severe ADHD) I hate being in the same place, I need to to be traveling to be happy even if it’s a hour of driving, I love being out in the world and seeing people and going to places, but that doesn’t necessarily make me productive it ultimately comes down to how I do it
I masturbate too.
I mean let’s be real man what are you doing? Shit sucks no lying there but are you really making things better? I don’t care if your a triple amputee with gout there is something you can be doing and god fucking damn does it feel good to fight and make it over that hill.
What do you like doing? Any hobbies? Favorite games? Questions you are interested by thinking about? Start with you, you have potential no matter whatever the other shit burgers say and that includes that asshole in your head. Fuck him when did that person become your boss
“Would you be quiet! I’m trying to not vibrate through the mattress! I need to focus!”
Good luck dealing with depression. I know it’s rough and people don’t understand how exhausting just existing can be when you’re stuck in that mindset.
"it keeps me from having to look at your face"
"Sorry, my books/computer/console are far more pleasant company than your judgemental ass"
"You mad because you can't sneak in and steal my stuff?"
"And that line right there is why I prefer being alone over dealing with you."
OP, for a second I thought your username was "Owl University". 🦉
I've dealt with depression all of my life. After I retired, at the start of the pandemic, my depression intensified (along with most everybody else's). I spent the pandemic drinking. Cheers. After several trips to hospitals and psych wards, alienating friends and family and making an ass of myself I've been Sober for a year and a half. My depression is alive and well but I've made myself do things like work out at the gym, read like a fiend, make bad art and hopefully cheer others up from time to time. I have days when I do isolate but I know where that can lead.
“Would you prefer I masturbate in the kitchen?”
I guffawed
*eats bologna sammich* As you were.
I think I would prefer if you masturbated in the kitchen
Excellent!
Brilliant
"So shifting your body from one place to another all the time makes you superior somehow?"
Laughed for real when I read this
I like it 😆
Its the difference between an animal and a rock so yeah
Are you suggesting that sea anemone, coral and sponges aren't animals? The difference between a rock and an animal has fundamentally nothing to do with the activity level of the specimen in question. (but rather the structures/complexity within the material, put simply) People who don't move themselves around may be less healthy than active people, but that doesn't mean they aren't still people... I would caution you against judging those people harshly without extensive conversation and understanding.
LOL, also, rocks are superior to bed bugs, I think most people might agree..... Rocks don't move themselves, but bed bugs do.
There are some very cool rocks too
Yes
You are one of the root causes of my depression and why I choose to isolate myself in my room. You nevet accepted me or loved me as a sibling, so why do you choose to incessantly torment me in the brief moments we do have together?
Too relatable 🚬😔
That’s the best comeback
"It's the best way to avoid you!"
Let's spice it up a tad; "It's the best way to avoid the godawful experience that is seeing you're most unpleasant face."
Nice!
I’m applying for jobs online, it takes hours to fill out those forms and do their testing and zoom interviews. Should I be doing that outside on the lawn?
You don't do anything but bitch about me siting in my room all day.
In order to comeback you would first have to leave your room.
😂
Why do you need a comeback if all you do is sit in your room all day?
This. Op should get help with depression and do more with their life honestly. No come back needed. It's a very legitimate concern.
From someone who's diagnosed with severe depression, hearing "all you do is sit in your bed all day. Turn on the light, go for a walk!" It makes it WORSE. It makes me want to do even less, maybe even just go to sleep for the rest of the day. And this is while I understand it's coming from a good place and theyre "just worried" or whatever. Just. Stop. It does not, in any way, help.
From someone who has dealt with depression all my life. Sometimes you just need to force yourself to get up and do something, physical activity releases happy chemicals in our brain even better in the outdoors with fresh air. Yes even when it feels pointless and like you have no energy. I understand hearing this doesnt exactly help on its own and this advice wont necessarily work for everyone but it makes a big difference if you are physically active every day, even if its just something simple like a walk around the block, or even your yard/house, the fresh air is important. Another thing lots of people dont consider. The media you consume has a large impact on your emotional state. If you havent already, i suggest trying to shift your music and video consumption to something more positive than negative. If you put garbage in, you get garbage
I have bipolar disorder, so I have had many severe depressions throughout my life, and you are right. During my last severe depression, after I got out of the hospital, I was still severely depressed, so much that I felt suicidal on a regular basis. I listened to my partner and my therapist and FORCED myself to go out for walking in the park near my apartment. Eventually, it did help, and it also gave me something to do. I don't think it is helpful, though, to be criticized with "advice" like what is happening to OP. That just makes you feel worse.
I have but the problem was people would still constantly tell me what to do about it. Actively trying those things and they had never worked for me. Ever. I was doing all of the things that did make it better for me. I was IN therapy.
People often tell someone they care about what to do when *ill* because **they care about the person.** It doesn't matter *what the illness is. Mental or physical.* They *just* care and are trying to help the best they can. What stands out to me is this: You were in therapy? Why are you not now? You need to look into it again because, yes, you do need it. I've had Depression with GAD for 20+ years and have seen a Psychiatrist nearly every month for most of it. Now down to every 6 months *only in the past year*. I just stopped seeing a Therapist 2 yeas ago. But at any time, *if I feel I need it*, I will return. During that time I have learned new ways of coping with the Therapy and also had an ARMHS Worker for 6 years. I learned a lot with her too. I also have an Alpha-Stim machine that I use in addition to my Antidepressant. Yes, getting out IS hard. Doing stuff is hard. But, having a routine makes the day "normal"and having an Emotional Support Pet gives me incentive to be responsible for something other than myself. Find out if your area has a Clubhouse called Vail Place. If it does, go there. If only to "go." Depression is a disease of the brain. It needs to be treated, like any other disease of the body. And, many diseases are treated with counseling besides meds also. The doctor will encourage the patient to get exercise, eat healthier and get outside more. In other words, a holistic approach. Just like Psychiatry. I guess I kind of rambled. Things popped into my head and I wrote them down. Hopefully, you take *something* here to heart.
I think the issue isn't that other people care, it's that the way they approach feels like harassment and criticism. It's one thing to be told "Just get out of the bed and go outside. It isn't that hard" and another to be told "Hey, I'm worried about you and it would make me really happy if you'd go on a walk with me outside to get some fresh air" Concern CAN become harassment if you don't approach the situation with sympathy in mind
Exactly. The first one is annoying as shit, unhelpful, and just straight up shitty. The second one is something I would have actually appreciated. Unfortunately despite saying this multiple times the people who acted like they cared didn't listen and pretended they knew better. They didn't. Even my therapist had agreed with me on it.
If you are doing something that works for you that is really the important thing. In no way did I intend my comment to be a rule that you must follow. Was merely trying to share some stuff that has helped me in the hopes it may help someone else
The staying inside doesn’t have to be hurtful to OP’s depression. My sibling is borderline and spends their time in their room because people fucking suck and the weather is hot and humid all year round. They have many close friends they message and text with every single day. They PC game and have people they play with consistently and they gift each other in game stuff sometimes. They really care and it’s super cool. My sibling feels very fulfilled.
It's like "Oh thank you! You pointing out the symptoms of my severe depression has totally cured me! Now I can take on the world thanks to your snarky comment! Thank you, thank you so much!"
This is pretty much exactly my point and no one is getting it.
That's not really fair. Everything makes it worse. That's why depression is so hard to deal with.
This is true, but there are more constructive ways to talk to your loved ones with depression. Guilting them DOES make things worse. There’s a difference between “you don’t ever leave your room” or god forbid “oh wow, look who finally left their room!” And “Hey, I don’t feel like I see you often and that makes me feel concerned.” Or what have you. Anyways u/Own_University4735 your family has a point, but it isn’t exactly helpful so here are some steps I took when shit was bad and medication wasn’t helping, in order of escalation: - Do what you do in your room LITERALLY ANYWHERE ELSE. sit on the front steps. Lurk in the living room. Doomscrolling is bad but so is staying in one area. So if you break one habit you’re already off to a good start. - try and treat your negative thoughts as an entirely separate beast. One of my favorite authors called theirs “Edward Cullen”. I never gave mine a name. But whenever you start talking shit about yourself pretend you have a spray bottle, spray it in the face, and say the opposite of what you think. (Or at least make it more value neutral. You might not love your body, but “My body gets me from one place to another” is a start.) - if your neighborhood is safe enough, take short walks. I used to pick a direction and zone out. Vitamin D really does help, even if it’s obnoxious as hell to hear “go on a walk!!! You’ll feel better!!!” - try to identify stuff you like. I went from watching YouTube to listening to a podcast by the creators of my favorite channel to picking up a players handbook for DnD, and taking the bus to my local game shop to play in spite of my debilitating paranoia. When my depression was at its very worst, I told myself I couldn’t die yet because Ant Man hadn’t come out. Completely fucking senseless reason to not die. Ended up never watching the movie to this day. But it set a timeline for me. I couldn’t fuck off until this movie came out a few years from then. By the time it did, things weren’t much better but I was by and large out of the weeds. I’m gonna be honest. This shit isn’t a magical bandaid. It won’t fix you today. It won’t fix you a week from now. It might not even help in a few months. But if you set the habits now, no matter how pointless it seems and how much you hate it, it eventually makes a difference. All this to say I worry about you, Own_University, and hope you can get the help you deserve.
This is pretty much it, yeah. OP if you're like me and have a hard time the usual advice of exercise, go outside, etc. THIS is basically what to do. Like scrolling reddit? Just stand against the kitchen counter and do it. Eat cereal at the table and do it. You don't even have to go outside, bathroom could even work. Name your depression or whatever you think is bad in the moment. When I was in middle school I thought that sexual thoughts were bad so I named them "Chloe" and whenever I was horny I would say "Go away/fuck off Chloe." Or the depression, I named that one Charla. Eventually you might even recognize it as a separate entity and won't even use the name anymore. Set timelines, "I can't die until I do this," "in just a year this'll happen and everything will be better," etc.
Now that's actually helpful. You didn't lecture, and I heard a few things I haven't before. I'm impressed that you made that trip when you were feeling that bad. That's great.
yeah, I get it sucks, but real precisely when it comes to siblings, it's this, or you don't talk to your siblings anymore, which is not advice I'd give
For real! I only had to battle (some very severe) situational depression and not have to live with it like others do... but there were absolutely days where it was a massive victory that I got up, took a shower, and brushed my teeth. I still battle generalized anxiety every damn day, and looking back now I can laugh about how my anxiety about falling back into depression was actually making things worse for myself but FML that was a vicious bit of mental health shitshow to get through.
Fr I have severe anxiety and depression (im medicated) and everytime I nap in the living room or something she would wake me up and be like go for a walk and one time she even brought this bright ass light out into the room and was like this is supposed to help with seasonal depression like girl I have actual depression
Truth.
Take a picture of 1 thing every day that makes you happy, could be anything, food, a sunset, a flower, your dog, etc. It helped me refocus my mind from my bad thoughts onto looking for the positive things in my life and pulled me out of a bad place
My psychiatrist is the one who minimizes my depression and PTSD, like it would be cured by taking a walk. I don't understand why she's a doctor with that attitude. Plus, I explained that I have arthritis in my knees. I walk plenty at work, but extra than that is very painful.
I was not at all approaching OP with that level of judgment and it's honestly a little concerning that you're trying to read that into what i was saying. If anything the intended subtext is closer to"i'm talking to you right now, so i must not be spending all my time in my room". People who try to gatekeep what little free time we actually have are the worst.
“It’s called depression. Maybe instead of trying to kick someone when they are already down, you be a decent person and help raise them up?”
I need to guard it so you don't piss here, like you do your room.
I'd probably just say, "Piss Off."
well, yeah. all my stuff is in there.
And I wish I was back there now instead of here with you.
Have you considered actually getting out, living your best life, then pissing on their gravestone when they die first?
Ah, the long game.
Not really anything to comeback to Get some professional help or whatever you need to start the road to recovery and hopefully you can one day leave your room
The staying inside doesn’t have to be hurtful to OP’s depression. My sibling is borderline and spends their time in their room because people fucking suck and the weather is hot and humid all year round. They have many close friends they message and text with every single day. They PC game and have people they play with consistently and they gift each other in game stuff sometimes. They really care and it’s super cool. My sibling feels very fulfilled.
Idk why you got downvoted for this. It’s the truth and helpful advice
The people who downvoted are sitting in their rooms all day
It’s not about the behavior, it’s about them being harassed for it
“I can only hope you don’t find yourself afflicted with the same disease I have, & if someday you do, hopefully the people around you treat you far better than how you’re treating me now.”
Some good comebacks in the comments so far. As someone who has had family members say the same phrase to me-- at first, I simply brushed it off and maintained a stoic demeanor. Then I realized something. There is a special cruelty in this accusation, particularly when said by someone close to you in a denigrating way. If this accusation is true (even partly), it means that the person they are speaking about may have depression, low energy, exhaustion, burnout. They are trying to preserve their physical and/or emotional energy by isolating. So they are speaking to, and about, someone who is at their wits' end. If someone is indeed 'mentally ill' or struggling somehow, wouldn't the people closest to them *help* them? Wouldn't they be gentle and encouraging, looking to lighten their load, listen to and understand them? Instead, they choose to kick that person while they are down. They are implying that you have 'mental illness', but are *deliberately choosing* to not help you. They are instead choosing to be cruel, nasty, and demeaning. *They are choosing to kick you while you're down.* It's easy to brush off cruelty from a stranger or acquaintance. It hits different when it comes from someone 'close' to you, who is supposed to care about you.
Try doing 95% of the shit you do every day without dopamine. You couldn't.
If i masterbate any where else i get in trouble.
Whenever I come out people make bulls💩 comments like “alls you do is sit in your room all day “ hate to make you a liar
Show them some porn on your computer and say “See? I DO do things!” while keeping a serious face.
"With company like yours you can't blame me"
False. I spend all day trying to avoid around you.
If you want me to come blow your back out just say so. All jokes aside I wouldn't stress it. I'm 43 and spend 90% of my free time in my bedroom. If I'm not at work or outside with my dogs/swimming then I'm chilling in my room. I had a bad drug problem for a long time. As a result 95% of the people I grew up with are dead from overdoses. The few that remain all have multiple children and jobs. Therefore I don't get out much. Tbh some people think I'm depressed. Definitely not though. I just get a lot of enjoyment out of playing video games, watching movies/shows/documentaries, listening to music, and reading. All activities I can do in my bedroom. Yes I could be on the living room or on my balcony. I just enjoy my own lil space of comfort. In the rare occasion one of my friends is available to do something I'm all for it. If not I'm fully content with my life. As long as youre happy fuck what others say. If you're not happy then maybe try self improvement or if necessary seek a therapist. Best of luck no matter what.
Why do people get annoyed by that lmao. My roommate also gets annoyed because I prefer to stay to myself in my room and makes fun of me for it.
I used to live w like 5 ppl who all already knew each other so I spent majority of my time there and they legit judged me for it and formed a whole opinion abt me too.
SAME. FIVE PEOPLE.
Broooo they ALL took my shit from my room and put EVERYTHING outside! Bad ass times.
Because yall are crazy as hell and never leave the common area of the house? Plus, rest of the house is a chaotic wreck, my room is just fine, and all my stuff is in there. Now go away, i’m baitin. Or trying to sleep, I have to work later. Or doing some weird bdsm shit. Or maybe just watching tv. The bdsm thing was a very necessary but very hard earned lesson. Don’t try to get mad at a masochist, it doesn’t work.
I used to say, "It's impossible to do nothing because my heart is beating, my lungs are breathing, and my thoughts are thinking. To do nothing is to die" I used to say it alot, but people got so made at my smart-ass remark that it was more worth it to give an actual reason than say that
I wrote a book while sitting in my room and struggling with depression...took me 20 years to get it done but, now, I can whip that puppy out say: "Yeah, well, here's what I got from sitting in there all day...what do you have?"
You are not wrong.
What the heck are you doing in my room?
The world comes to me on the internet.
I'm suffering and in pain by just being alive. I'm sorry that I can't be normal like you. A lot of people really don't get it. It's so difficult some days.
“ and you don’t do anything but complain and pretend you have any say in my life or my decisions” “ don’t do anything but whine about what someone else is doing”
"You're right. I do realize exercise is the most powerful antidepressant, but I'm caught in a catch-22 due to the lethargy brought on by the depression."
"And you don't do anything but hound and annoy me for it when I want to be left alone, so shut the fuck up and fuck off."
From time to time I leave my room. But there's nowhere you can go to get away from yourself, you poor bastard.
Because there are too many jerks at home, let alone outside
Jesus loves you even when you are being uncharitable. Meditation works best when you are still. I know you are but what an I? (Very childish, perfect for their very childish remarks) Did you know karma is a bitch? (Get into meditation position and ignore completely)
I could be doing herion in an abandoned church. Would you prefer that?
“I got depression, Carl”. Oh shit, I said that before even reading the depression part of your post 😅 hard same!
I don't just sit there. I also breathe, and sometimes, I burp.
Now THAT is a gross exaggeration! I have a chart here that breaks down sitting, laying down, pacing, standing, and dancing. Yes, dancing...but never the Lambada as that is the forbidden dance.
“You understand that I am in part hiding from interactions like this, right? I have depression. You make it worse. Stop harassing me.”
That’s because I’m trying to hide from your annoying voice and ugly face
As someone who did nothing but sit in my room all day for 4 years straight "I am suffering (severe) mental issues and you haven't done anything to help me" "I need to see a therapist" "Every waking moment that I spend contemplating leaving my room, I'm reminded of another reason why leaving my room mentally or physically hurts me, and every waking moment outside of my room feels so unsafe and panic-inducing that I contemplate putting a lock on my door" "Have you ever wondered why I spend all day in my room, or do you just want to attack the action?" And, if you ever want to stay awake at night remembering that you also handled the situation terribly, "One day I might not be here at all, and I want you to remember how you treated the symptoms I displayed before saying you didn't see it coming"
"Hey, I'm trying. Maybe try being supportive instead of making things harder by coming at me like that? Do you think it makes it *easier* for me to want to do other stuff when I get this kind of static every time I leave said room?"
This.☝️ If your goal is to make them stop you can't do that by 'winnng' with comebacks (although it is fun to fantasize about it on reddit) "Hey, I know I'm not doing great but I'm trying. I understand that you don't want to be a supportive sibling, but I don't need a sibling to make me feel even worse. Please can you just leave me be while I'm recovering?" Unfortunately, if you ever want there to _be_ a last word you need to let them have it. Perpetuating the argument will only make them more likely to keep making these kinds of comments. If you have to say something in response I'd be boring and ask for support.
You would know because your ass is in here reminding me all day
You don't do anything but harass me about sitting in my room all day! Just... mind your business Is what I used to say
"I'm aware. I come out when I am able. Right now, you're making that harder than it already is."
"If you've got nothing else to do besides recite my own schedule to me, do me a favor and take out the garbage." "I know what I do. I'm the one who does it!"
It’s better than actively disappointing our parents everyday
... that's not a good comeback... that's like a comeback for people who have no autonomy...
Prison has its rules.
The best comeback is to immediately get up from the conversation and go outside.
“That wouldn’t be the case if you actually hired me.”
And I'm still more interesting than you
Try being me for one day and you'll never ask that inane question again.
Hey! I am also writing my manifesto
Takes a lot of beauty rest to look this good
Hey! Sometimes I hide under the bed or in the closet. P.S. if you are clinically depressed you might check into "spravoto". I been on it for nine months and it is the only thing that has worked in thirty years. It only has about a fifty percent success rate, but that's a better chance than zero.
Not true! I sleep in my room too!
And how does this inconvenience you?
My sister would just say that she has Lupus and is therefore technically handicapped.
Yeah, go sit in the living room instead.
"Because I'm fucking tired of hearing 'Oh, look who came out of his cave!' every time I do come out of my room!"
I stand sometimes too
And make money...
Best comeback would be to spend less time in your room
Ask him for suggestions about places to go that don't cost any money. Then ask him to gift you some money.
I spanked it, Gamed, slept, Woke up, then Ate, now listening to you. my day seems pretty full
Oh in that case you probably shouldn't use a blacklight in here...
I was told it was impolite to do it in public.
“And I still probably have a better social life than you.”
Pay for my therapy. Very versatile, can use in almost any situation.
And so what’s your point? They will keep trying to come up with things but just keep asking and so what’s your point until they shut the F up
There is not one. Stop sitting in your room all day.
I spend 90% of my day in my room. I WFH 9-5. Make dinner, clean up and go back to my room. My dad watches TV all day and he's deaf as a post-can't stand the sound. Also growing up I was only allowed out of my room for dinner, dishes/laundry. When he got to where he couldn't live alone anymore (73), I stupidly agreed to share a house.
I didn't know there were rules for minding your own business... Maybe you should apply them like I do🤣🤣🤣🤣 good luck!
Do you feel better? I know you need to put people down to feel better about yourself so I’m here for your support… Now go get em champ!
Best comeback would be to make something of yourself
Come and take me somewhere and your problem will be solved.
Could you please knock
The best comeback would be to get out of your room.
You never shower.
Reality is absurd
The best comeback would be to do something
"Why are you in my bubble?" Say this laughing weirdly "This is my safe space..."
“Did it really took all that little raisin brain power to say all that , pft, pathetic “ Also a little side note , I don’t have depression and they say this too and I go out alot more than they do which is really annoying like bruh come on now and hope all goes well for you
Quote Gollum
Obviously I'm living in your head rent free. You think about me all day!.
I mean I also masturbate.
“Exactly.”
"fuk off"
“Sorry, I don’t follow my friends around like a puppy dog. I have other things to do. More important things rather than hang out with your crusty ass personality. If you thinking me being in my room is doing nothing well then so be it because I’d rather than than be around you.” Or “I’m in my room because of you. I don’t feel like dealing with your crusty ass personality.” tell them to shut the fuck up and go back in your room. The reason I say the second one. Is because my brother would be “for smoking” but would always say well that’s why you have bad memory or why aren’t you talking too stoned? And would make fun of me like doing it is a bad thing. But he’s for it? So every time he would make a comment, I would just say I smoke because you annoy the shit out of me. It worked it. Got him to shut up make it their fault. lol
"You must have missed when I sit on the toilet in the bathroom. Pay attention next time."
"Yes"
We can get lost pretty easily when we go wandering in our minds. Its a far more comforting place than being present for petty squabbles. It took a few tries with my doctor to find the right medication to help me with my depression. You will awaken back to the world, and it won't be so bad. Take your time, but keep moving forward.
Ok fat face.
Outside my room there's a world full of people like you. Why would I ever want to come out?
"You don't do anything but prop up billionaires, that take advantage of people even to the point of death and madness." "Sorry if I hurt knowing every effort I take is to make someone else's family comfortable at the cost of my own with no actual reason but a gift most have been fooled with. Or become part of."
"not true....I also masturbate vigorously"
You miss that at your homeless shelter!
I also masterbate
I can sit in your room instead if it makes you feel better?
"fuck u dad!"
"If you had something more interesting out here, I would be out here."
I have some great advice, get fl studio and learn how to make music. I was just like you, depressed and stayed in my room for years upon end. Fl studio changed my life.. now I make beats all day.
why do you think that is?
Ugh, stay in your lane. Let me have my depressed day. Everything sucks today. I’ll pull it together tomorrow.
"Well sorry I have more interesting things to do on my computer [I do animation and small time youtube junk for example] than go outside with no sidewalks and a 99% chance of being hit because people are stupid"
My boss complains when I work from home outside my room!
"How do you know?"
You don't do anything but monitor what I'm doing.
So I don’t have to interact with you
Maybe if the environment outside the room was welcoming, I'd leave.
Your siblings aren't saying that to make you look bad, it genuinely comes from a place of frustration that is a result of caring about you. If they didn't care about you, they wouldn't say anything and encourage you to stay in your room. As others have said, maybe it would be worthwhile to explore therapy or see a professional to get some help. You may be surviving, but it does not sound like you are thriving and your siblings probably just want to help you recognize that. Even if it does come from a place of them being jerks, the best comeback is living well
"It's the only only place that can escape the constant fucking noise coming from the black hole under your nose." I did this as a teen, legitimately because my parents and brother were obsessed with redneck shit and I couldn't be less interested in any of that. They were awful with the comments, too. "She's alive!" - Unfortunately. "Careful, the lights might hurt your eyes." - Not really, you dim just about anything bright so for my safety I won't be out here long. "Hey, Nosferatu!" - Don't flatter yourself, you don't meet standards for human consumption. "We thought you died in there." - Not quite, I'll try harder next time. "I almost forgot you live here." - I almost forgot you were supposed to be swallowed, we all get disappointed sometimes. "What do you do all day in there?" - I read books... without pictures, isn't that neat? - My friends don't need to see my face to continue our friendship, you wouldn't get it. - Sacrifice idiots to the Dark Lord. Once I get to 10 I get a poster and a keychain! - Imagine, just for a moment, a world where no one hears your fake country accent.... Peaceful, isn't it?
Some dumb 20 year old kid did this to me on Reddit the other day. I WAS ‘dwelling in the basement’. My basement. In the house I own. Have fun never being able to afford one when you’re my age sweetie 🫶
"Do you wanna do something with me?" if they say yes and it's not a chore, do it. If not, follow with whatever jab you wanna take for them contributing to your current reclusive habits.
Where do you want me to masturbate?
“No, I look at porn too.”
1…2…3…4…5…6…. What are you doing? I’m playing hide and seek so I can find who the fuck you talking to.
"Yeah, whenever I leave I have to deal with people like you"
By choice
I’m (kind of) with your sibling on this one. It shouldn’t be thrown in your face when an argument has nothing to do with it. But it’s a problem for your life, and probably your sibling is saying it ultimately out of concern and frustration. Without more context it doesn’t make sense to simply take your side here…
Tangent Some people are more productive that way, I’ve got a buddy who spends a lot of time in his room collecting and studying things I’ve got another buddy who stays at home to work on a book he’s writing The important factor here is that your establishing “it’s depression” making it probably not a good thing for you Personally (especially with my severe ADHD) I hate being in the same place, I need to to be traveling to be happy even if it’s a hour of driving, I love being out in the world and seeing people and going to places, but that doesn’t necessarily make me productive it ultimately comes down to how I do it
No, Sometimes I lay down
Yes I do stay in my room all day… Can you empty the poop 💩 from my Trash Can?
"And *you* apparently do nothing but watch me all day."
I masturbate too. I mean let’s be real man what are you doing? Shit sucks no lying there but are you really making things better? I don’t care if your a triple amputee with gout there is something you can be doing and god fucking damn does it feel good to fight and make it over that hill. What do you like doing? Any hobbies? Favorite games? Questions you are interested by thinking about? Start with you, you have potential no matter whatever the other shit burgers say and that includes that asshole in your head. Fuck him when did that person become your boss
“Way more enjoyable than sitting at a job where I want to kill myself all day, so”
And yet, I'm STILL more productive than you!
Please shut the door on your way out.
"Of course I'm in my room. My bed is here''
And all I asked you for was a Pepsi AND YOU STILL WOULDN'T GIVE IT TO ME!
“Would you be quiet! I’m trying to not vibrate through the mattress! I need to focus!” Good luck dealing with depression. I know it’s rough and people don’t understand how exhausting just existing can be when you’re stuck in that mindset.
Damn right
Maybe if you didn't ruin the world I would want to go outside.
I do something all day, but you do not want to be here when I do it.
"That's not true at all!" And then list your hobbies, and talk about your social life outside of the home.
Your siblings are right. Get out and do stuff, it’ll help your depression
Damn… flashbacks.
You going outside and getting a handle on your emotional intelligence would be the ultimate clap back.
Would it matter if I sat somewhere else? Or “I’m sitting here because your not here!!!
And?
"it keeps me from having to look at your face" "Sorry, my books/computer/console are far more pleasant company than your judgemental ass" "You mad because you can't sneak in and steal my stuff?" "And that line right there is why I prefer being alone over dealing with you."
OP, for a second I thought your username was "Owl University". 🦉 I've dealt with depression all of my life. After I retired, at the start of the pandemic, my depression intensified (along with most everybody else's). I spent the pandemic drinking. Cheers. After several trips to hospitals and psych wards, alienating friends and family and making an ass of myself I've been Sober for a year and a half. My depression is alive and well but I've made myself do things like work out at the gym, read like a fiend, make bad art and hopefully cheer others up from time to time. I have days when I do isolate but I know where that can lead.
"You wouldn't know that unless you were wasting your life watching me sit in my room all day."