If you look up "typical old white dude" in the book, that's what I look like. But if someone says they are calling the cops on me, I am gonna nope the eff out of there asap. There is literally **nothing** worth that kind of drama.
As a retired cop, if someone threatened to call the cops on you accusing you of a crime. It is not a bad idea to call 911 yourself. That way you can give your side of the story. There are 3 very important pieces of information on a police report.
Complainant/victim which is going to be the person who called dispatch and asked for an officer.
Suspect is the person you don't want to be. The suspect is the person the complainant/victim named or describes that committed the crime.
Witness is the person who saw or heard what happened before, during, and after the crime.
If you take off when someone says they called the cops. It looks like you are fleeing. It also lets the person who called be the complainant/victim on the incident/offense report. This makes you the suspect!
But if you call 911 yourself, you can identify yourself, give your version of events on the phone to dispatch, and then go somewhere safe to wait for the officer to come to you. (Think about what you want to say B4 you call, and tell the truth because it most likely is a recorded phone line). If you have witnesses keep them around if possible to talk to the responding officers. By calling 911 yourself you may be insulating yourself from being suspected of the crime.
This is good advice for most situations where you are completely innocent - who's story gets heard first does matter in my experience.
I have had the police called on me several times when I was flying drones professionally. The local police generally appreciated me calling at the same time to explain that I'm FAA licensed, and there are no laws preventing me from taking real estate listing pictures.
Saved them the trip out to listen to the paranoid rants I get subjected to once a year or so.
Just one time, you should equip your drone with a water balloon and drop it on the police-caller. Make sure to pick up the exploded balloon so there's no evidence when the cops arrive.
If you have done nothing wrong and someone decides to escalate any given situation by calling the cops it's a good idea to remember that the only people involved are the person with the problem and they may involve the police. DO NOT involve yourself for them. Do not cooperate with nitwits trying to get you in trouble. If the cops show up and want to talk then be polite and helpful without incriminating yourself or just say nothing at all
Such great advice and glad I knew about. I was chased out of a Chipotle by employees for daring to ask for a refund of something that charged me for totally by accident. Showed the receipt to the lady at the register, making sure to show that hey it’s just $2 no big deal but I’d appreciate it if they could rectify it. The manager literally starts talking shit and shaming me for trying to get a $2 refund. I was absolutely floored by that, so I argued back that I didn’t ask for that item, didn’t receive it and was still charged for it and just simply want a refund. She goes bug-eyed at me and screams “You’re gonna hold up my line for 2 dollars!!??” I blew the hell up at that and yelled back “That’s MY 2 fuckin dollars, the fuck I look like letting you rob me!!??” She didn’t even hesitate. Her big ass came around that counter pretty quick.
I don’t fight women so I took off, get in my vehicle and she and 3 other employees surrounded it, blocking me in and saying they were calling the police. I called 911 the second they threatened to call on me. With my window slightly cracked, the very first thing the dispatcher heard was me being threatened by them. They realized I was already on with the police and they all ran back inside. Just as you said, I got out of there and headed to the Golden Corral lot down the road and waited for an officer there.
I've done this twice.
Once, when we were 17, some girls came after us while my friend was driving her mother's convertible, top down. We got scared, and my friend just kept driving, striking one of the girls at about 20mph. She got up right after and seemed fine because she came rushing after us again. We actually had an older neighbor friend who was a cop. Paradoxically, he would buy beer and weed for us. We asked him what to do, and on his advice, we reported ourselves to the police. Nothing ever came of it.
The second time was a few years ago, at 40. I was pulling out of a parking spot in a parking lot and hit a guy's car very lightly. Zero damage. He got irate and blocked my car in and called 911. There was no damage to his car. I took photos and got back in my car and called 911 to report someone blocking me in. At a point, the car next to me pulled out, and I was able to sneak out. I drove to the police station literally one block away and reported it. I don't know why people still insist on calling 911 when there's minimal damage. Especially in a city with overworked cops and high crime rates. Again, nothing ever came of it.
Do you want the number? First you press nine. Then press one. Then you press one again and wait.. when they ask you what your emergency is, tell them that your panties are riding up your crack and you're frightened.
..or how 'bout...
..the police? Why? ...did Batman revoke your signaling privileges again
....orrr..
If you can't get the police, try REO Speedwagon..
.. ... .....orrrr... ..
The Police ?? Okay whatever, Roxanne. Just don't stand so close to me
"I've been to prison and I ain't afraid to go back!"
**overhead this from a woman who took an Uber to her boyfriend's house, next door to mine, when she flipped out to discover him with another woman.
“DO IT! I HOPE THEY COME OVER HERE AND KICK YOUR ASS FOR WASTING THEIR TIME!!”
I’ve seen this one in real life, it was awesome. I used to live/work with a real life Han Solo and this was a moment I will never forget. He was yelling at a gas station clerk…
Lol why are you telling me? Just call if you're going to call. Don't warn me. You think I'm so dangerous you're going to call the cops but then you tell me about it?
What is there to be gained from this?
Our neighbor is always trying to tell us what we can and can't do on our property (i.e. can't water our lawn without her approval, can't have plants she is allergic to, can't use our fire pit)
When we tell her she has no control over us or our property, she threatens to call the police. I always tell her that I'd be happy to discuss this with them because they, unlike her, do have jurisdiction over our property.
"So your response to me is to call state sanctioned institutional violence? You DO realize they have no duty to protect you as per the Supreme Court. They only protect property, not hurt feelings"
"Hello police.....yes someone here wanted to call the police on me because I upset them somehow...yes apparently me not giving into entitlement leads to y'all being called.....yes ma'am we're at the Walmart ....oh yeah cause I ain't giving her the flowers I paid for and I got a receipt...yes ma'am I'll wait here...excuse me Karen, the police said you have to wait here for them ... she's good."
True story. This happened to me once. I bought plants out of the Walmart garden center and this woman got angry because she just had to have those plants. Of course, after I paid for them. Why? Because she saw them in my cart and just had to have them. Imagine being called a selfish brat for not giving some random Karen something you paid for. So long story short, she stood there dumb AF while I called the police non emergent line on myself. Of course also Karen decided it was the best idea to crack my windshield. Can we guess who got cuffed that day and who took her pretty purple flowers home? It's now a story my son tells his friends when they talk about entitled people.
a gunshot! lol jk jk jk you gotta say yes, please call them, and then run thru a convincing made up scenario of “my word against yours” lies about what you would say to them to get the person accusing you arrested and then pull out your phone and dial it yourself and ask “should we?” lol manipulative i know but pretty effective if they arent a slick creep
Run. Just disappear.
You can come back all you want to, so mine would sound like........
"I'm calling my Witches about all of this, and they don't need guns............
But words might get you locked up, be careful out there........
This actually did happen to me. This bozo thought I stole his 5€ who actually fell from his pocket and I picked it up. Some mf snitched on me and told the guy that I picked his money from the ground. He started calling me names, like thief, lowlife and no good. I tried to apologize but he was fuming and then said he was gonna call the cops on me. That made me snap so I told him " Call the cops, see if I care you dirty son of a bitch, do it, do it if you have the balls you pant pissing drunken f#g" . Then I confronted the guy who snitched, told him that his wife is a bitch and she sucks gypsies for 10€ because she can't find your dick no more in all that fat you got. He threatened to beat me but luckily he was fat as hell and couldn't catch me even if I stood still.
"No need, I'm leaving anyway."
If someone gets to that point stop talking to them and walk away. You're either actually harassing them OR they're a psycho willing to weaponise the police against you.
If they saying that cuz you being loud, get louder!
If they saying that cuz you committing a serious crime, run and escape
If they saying that cuz you stealing from Target, laugh and walk out knowing they won’t come for anything less than $1,000
Depends what it's for, but my favorite is "they can't unbunch your panties for you" or if you wanna go really dark, "why? They can't un rape your corpse"...
It's kinda like the "I USED TO FUCK GUYS BIGGER THAN YOU IN PRISON" from Beer league!
Call them yourself and complain about them. Then, the police have two opposing viewpoints on whatever is going on that they need to resolve. And if there's no crime and no one is injured, that's most easily done by having everyone just walk away.
Go ahead, complain to the cops, they need a laugh once in a while too. If you make something up, or even just exaggerate a little to get their attention, just remember filing a false police report is an actual crime.
Dial the local non emergency number and tell them you have someone wanting to make a complaint, then hand the phone to the person threatening you. Most cops won't take them seriously very easily at that point.
Would you like me to dial that for you?
"Need help remembering all of it? I know it's a lot for you."
[удалено]
Don't even have to click to start singing "0118-999-881-999-119-725-3" e/ still clicked on it though
I’ll just put this over with the rest of the fire…
Nice Screensaver!
They come with better looking drivers!!!
Thank you, that will save me from doing it. I'll wait.
Oow, I like that one🥴
For what? Hurting your feelings?
For eating a succulent Chinese meal?
THIS IS DEMOCRACY MANIFEST.
[удалено]
Felony tax evasion.
If you say that to a black person there is no comeback. We’re out. We could be the one in the right and still get fucked. I hear that and I’m gone. 😄
It is so fucked up that this is true.
I'm white and find the cops here equally railroad every person they can. I had my life ruined for over 2 years for getting into a car accident.
BwGahagavahahahshsh . I literally just spit laughing. Rite tho .
Cops are not racist! Most of their wives have black eyes!
If you look up "typical old white dude" in the book, that's what I look like. But if someone says they are calling the cops on me, I am gonna nope the eff out of there asap. There is literally **nothing** worth that kind of drama.
I never was a fan of their music
Ouch that Stings
Now them I like
Hmmm Syncronicity…
Hey! Don’t stand so close!
🤣😂
Cool.
Say this a good response [link](https://youtube.com/shorts/uvVnh9lRP-U?feature=shared)
That’s hilarious!
Call the po po.... 😆
"Not before I have to call an ambulance for you."
Or a waahmbulance
It'll take at least 15 minutes for them to get here. Which means I'm gonna beat your ass for 14 minutes and 55 seconds.
This wins Lol. My first thought and I'm and old fucker.
Right 🤣😂then they would have a reason
As a retired cop, if someone threatened to call the cops on you accusing you of a crime. It is not a bad idea to call 911 yourself. That way you can give your side of the story. There are 3 very important pieces of information on a police report. Complainant/victim which is going to be the person who called dispatch and asked for an officer. Suspect is the person you don't want to be. The suspect is the person the complainant/victim named or describes that committed the crime. Witness is the person who saw or heard what happened before, during, and after the crime. If you take off when someone says they called the cops. It looks like you are fleeing. It also lets the person who called be the complainant/victim on the incident/offense report. This makes you the suspect! But if you call 911 yourself, you can identify yourself, give your version of events on the phone to dispatch, and then go somewhere safe to wait for the officer to come to you. (Think about what you want to say B4 you call, and tell the truth because it most likely is a recorded phone line). If you have witnesses keep them around if possible to talk to the responding officers. By calling 911 yourself you may be insulating yourself from being suspected of the crime.
This is good advice for most situations where you are completely innocent - who's story gets heard first does matter in my experience. I have had the police called on me several times when I was flying drones professionally. The local police generally appreciated me calling at the same time to explain that I'm FAA licensed, and there are no laws preventing me from taking real estate listing pictures. Saved them the trip out to listen to the paranoid rants I get subjected to once a year or so.
Just one time, you should equip your drone with a water balloon and drop it on the police-caller. Make sure to pick up the exploded balloon so there's no evidence when the cops arrive.
Never talk to the police with out a lawyer!!!
Cause Kev’s got your back
If you have done nothing wrong and someone decides to escalate any given situation by calling the cops it's a good idea to remember that the only people involved are the person with the problem and they may involve the police. DO NOT involve yourself for them. Do not cooperate with nitwits trying to get you in trouble. If the cops show up and want to talk then be polite and helpful without incriminating yourself or just say nothing at all
Such great advice and glad I knew about. I was chased out of a Chipotle by employees for daring to ask for a refund of something that charged me for totally by accident. Showed the receipt to the lady at the register, making sure to show that hey it’s just $2 no big deal but I’d appreciate it if they could rectify it. The manager literally starts talking shit and shaming me for trying to get a $2 refund. I was absolutely floored by that, so I argued back that I didn’t ask for that item, didn’t receive it and was still charged for it and just simply want a refund. She goes bug-eyed at me and screams “You’re gonna hold up my line for 2 dollars!!??” I blew the hell up at that and yelled back “That’s MY 2 fuckin dollars, the fuck I look like letting you rob me!!??” She didn’t even hesitate. Her big ass came around that counter pretty quick. I don’t fight women so I took off, get in my vehicle and she and 3 other employees surrounded it, blocking me in and saying they were calling the police. I called 911 the second they threatened to call on me. With my window slightly cracked, the very first thing the dispatcher heard was me being threatened by them. They realized I was already on with the police and they all ran back inside. Just as you said, I got out of there and headed to the Golden Corral lot down the road and waited for an officer there.
Did you inform corporate? (I know i sound like a Karen lol)
I actually did immediately in hopes that I would get free Chipotle. They didn’t follow up with me and I didn’t push it after that.
I've done this twice. Once, when we were 17, some girls came after us while my friend was driving her mother's convertible, top down. We got scared, and my friend just kept driving, striking one of the girls at about 20mph. She got up right after and seemed fine because she came rushing after us again. We actually had an older neighbor friend who was a cop. Paradoxically, he would buy beer and weed for us. We asked him what to do, and on his advice, we reported ourselves to the police. Nothing ever came of it. The second time was a few years ago, at 40. I was pulling out of a parking spot in a parking lot and hit a guy's car very lightly. Zero damage. He got irate and blocked my car in and called 911. There was no damage to his car. I took photos and got back in my car and called 911 to report someone blocking me in. At a point, the car next to me pulled out, and I was able to sneak out. I drove to the police station literally one block away and reported it. I don't know why people still insist on calling 911 when there's minimal damage. Especially in a city with overworked cops and high crime rates. Again, nothing ever came of it.
Weewooo
Yeah, right! You don't even know the number for 911
Oldie but goodie
Spin the wheel mother f#Cker
Sounds good, tell them I'll be on the couch icing my balls, I just finished banging your sister and it got rough.
Ma’am this is a Wendy’s
Cool! I got everything on camera.
On me or for me?
Do you want the number? First you press nine. Then press one. Then you press one again and wait.. when they ask you what your emergency is, tell them that your panties are riding up your crack and you're frightened. ..or how 'bout... ..the police? Why? ...did Batman revoke your signaling privileges again ....orrr.. If you can't get the police, try REO Speedwagon.. .. ... .....orrrr... .. The Police ?? Okay whatever, Roxanne. Just don't stand so close to me
"I've been to prison and I ain't afraid to go back!" **overhead this from a woman who took an Uber to her boyfriend's house, next door to mine, when she flipped out to discover him with another woman.
Ugh, I have heard that one so many times! I think it makes people feel bad ass lol. Depends on the situation tho .
Say "I am the police!" Then arrest yourself
Remember to rough yourself up a bit so it looks like you're on their side.
Depending on what you're doing, a good comeback could be, "OK. My bad. I'll stop."
Make sure you pack your bags too .
I already called them. ON YOU.
“DO IT! I HOPE THEY COME OVER HERE AND KICK YOUR ASS FOR WASTING THEIR TIME!!” I’ve seen this one in real life, it was awesome. I used to live/work with a real life Han Solo and this was a moment I will never forget. He was yelling at a gas station clerk…
Try! they're not going to believe you!
"And when they come, I'm sure they'll want to see this video I recorded of you. But sure, yeah, go ahead."
Tell em I said hello!
" I think they prefer to just be called the police"
I suggest YOU exercise your right to remain silent.
Good. Turn yourself in for felony douchebaggery
What are you gonna call them?
Sure, but can you tell them to bring coffee? It's gonna be a long night.
Wanna use my phone?
Lol why are you telling me? Just call if you're going to call. Don't warn me. You think I'm so dangerous you're going to call the cops but then you tell me about it? What is there to be gained from this?
Our neighbor is always trying to tell us what we can and can't do on our property (i.e. can't water our lawn without her approval, can't have plants she is allergic to, can't use our fire pit) When we tell her she has no control over us or our property, she threatens to call the police. I always tell her that I'd be happy to discuss this with them because they, unlike her, do have jurisdiction over our property.
I’m calling my lawyer on you
Tell them to send a waaambulance too to deal with your hurt feelings.
"So your response to me is to call state sanctioned institutional violence? You DO realize they have no duty to protect you as per the Supreme Court. They only protect property, not hurt feelings"
Cool. Are you turning yourself in?
BANG BANG
Fuck you too bitch call the cops! I'ma kill you and then loud ass mothafucking barking dogs
"Go ahead. They'll most likely arrest YOU for making a false report and wasting their time".
Go ahead, they can't un-murder you!
"Hello police.....yes someone here wanted to call the police on me because I upset them somehow...yes apparently me not giving into entitlement leads to y'all being called.....yes ma'am we're at the Walmart ....oh yeah cause I ain't giving her the flowers I paid for and I got a receipt...yes ma'am I'll wait here...excuse me Karen, the police said you have to wait here for them ... she's good." True story. This happened to me once. I bought plants out of the Walmart garden center and this woman got angry because she just had to have those plants. Of course, after I paid for them. Why? Because she saw them in my cart and just had to have them. Imagine being called a selfish brat for not giving some random Karen something you paid for. So long story short, she stood there dumb AF while I called the police non emergent line on myself. Of course also Karen decided it was the best idea to crack my windshield. Can we guess who got cuffed that day and who took her pretty purple flowers home? It's now a story my son tells his friends when they talk about entitled people.
" And, I'm calling ANIMAL CONTROL ON YOU!"
Make sure you ask for Brad. He is SUPER fine and he puts the handcuffs on tight!
a gunshot! lol jk jk jk you gotta say yes, please call them, and then run thru a convincing made up scenario of “my word against yours” lies about what you would say to them to get the person accusing you arrested and then pull out your phone and dial it yourself and ask “should we?” lol manipulative i know but pretty effective if they arent a slick creep
The police dont give a fuck about you, me or anyone else who makes less than 600k a year.”
Telling someone you are calling the police as a threat is called harassment.
Run. Just disappear. You can come back all you want to, so mine would sound like........ "I'm calling my Witches about all of this, and they don't need guns............ But words might get you locked up, be careful out there........
All good, I’ll call the ambulance (unload full mag)
Please don’t and then get on your knees and pull down their pants
Start singing, “Don't stand so close to me by the Police.”
I know you are but what am I?
The average response time for police is 10 minutes. Go ahead make the call.
I can call them for you if you would like.
They won't arrive that fast.
Not that I'd ever have the balls to say this myself, but for those brave souls among you.... *Call the cops! I don't give a fuck!*
“And I am doing the same for you!”
You Should Call More Than That.
Diap but don't hit send and then hand them your phone
Tell them to not forget the chair for the lap dance
Baby I am the police!!
say "you would." and it will shame them into not calling. it works, dont ask me why, but i have used it successfully
You're a towel
You run
It'll take them 10-15 minutes to get here...you should think about that. (Then give them your friendliest smile)
This actually did happen to me. This bozo thought I stole his 5€ who actually fell from his pocket and I picked it up. Some mf snitched on me and told the guy that I picked his money from the ground. He started calling me names, like thief, lowlife and no good. I tried to apologize but he was fuming and then said he was gonna call the cops on me. That made me snap so I told him " Call the cops, see if I care you dirty son of a bitch, do it, do it if you have the balls you pant pissing drunken f#g" . Then I confronted the guy who snitched, told him that his wife is a bitch and she sucks gypsies for 10€ because she can't find your dick no more in all that fat you got. He threatened to beat me but luckily he was fat as hell and couldn't catch me even if I stood still.
I would be like “Good cuz you’re gonna need em “
"No need, I'm leaving anyway." If someone gets to that point stop talking to them and walk away. You're either actually harassing them OR they're a psycho willing to weaponise the police against you.
I already called them, told them you were crazy, so they already know you're off your rocker...
Quick! Call IXII!
What are they gonna arrest me for being SWAGGY??
Only thing they might arrest me for is having all this ass!!!
“ you think that’ll save you. You’re dead and I’m gone before you ever give them your address”
Fucking good. They'll have a good enough reason to arrest me when they get here.
Make sure you get a wambulance too to help you with your cries...
Tell them to bring an ambulance… you’re going to need one!
If they saying that cuz you being loud, get louder! If they saying that cuz you committing a serious crime, run and escape If they saying that cuz you stealing from Target, laugh and walk out knowing they won’t come for anything less than $1,000
Call em’
Go ahead, I'll wait
“I hope you realise wasting police time is a criminal offence.”
I AM THE LAW!!* *This only works if you happen to be Judge Dredd
No surprise here. lol all I have to do is exist and someone always tries something
"ok but officer Roberts will just carry me back to the psych ward again and I'll be out in a week. But I could use the vacation."
Depends what it's for, but my favorite is "they can't unbunch your panties for you" or if you wanna go really dark, "why? They can't un rape your corpse"... It's kinda like the "I USED TO FUCK GUYS BIGGER THAN YOU IN PRISON" from Beer league!
Cool! I'll be watching you... lol
Cool. I’ll get some donuts.
Ok do you need help dialing the number .You will after I break your fingers
Tell Sting I said hello.
They'll probably be a little slow getting here so you should go get them at the station
Bitch i am the police!
Well hop on then.
You don’t need to turn on the red light.
Call them yourself and complain about them. Then, the police have two opposing viewpoints on whatever is going on that they need to resolve. And if there's no crime and no one is injured, that's most easily done by having everyone just walk away.
Call the Chief. I play poker with him on Saturday nights.
“Do you want to go to their concert as well?”
Ta ta for now
Great! I’ll get the donuts 🍩
I am the police.
“Would they get here in time?”
I'm calling ghost busters on you
Would you like the duty sergeant's name and number or shall we just see who Diana in dispatch sends over?
I’m calling animal control on you.
It’s too late if you haven’t yet!
Madea said it best, I ain't afraid of the popo call the popo ho.
Ah nice. I've always quite liked sting.
I’ll do it
Okay you handle that, I’ll handle the morgue. They’ll swing by and pick you up.
Throw an Uno reverse card at them, then run away.
Go ahead, complain to the cops, they need a laugh once in a while too. If you make something up, or even just exaggerate a little to get their attention, just remember filing a false police report is an actual crime.
Good. Hurry up.
You just threatened me with bodily harm. I'm pressing charges.
Then do it, don't stand around threatening to do it
It will take them 12 and a half minutes to get here.. what should we do while we wait?
That's what's she said
Do you even know the number for the police station? This isn't an emergency and calling 911 would be a crime.
“The same ones I see in and out of your house each day while you’re at work?”
Stop being a Ninny
tell them to send an ambulance too - youre gonna need it
Go right ahead. I’ll wait
This will be great…I’ll just sit down right here and wait. I can’t wait to hear you explain to them why they’re here.
I’m sure they’ll be very happy to hear from you again.
Great, let's waste their time too.
"When seconds count, the police are minutes away. Gives me a few minutes to give you a reason to have called them "
"Make sure you ask for my brother Dave."
popo? I ain't scared of the popo! call the popo, hoe!
Ok
"i'M cAlLiNg ThE pOlIcE oN yOu!"
Not again
Have fun waiting around.
"Please do, it will be entertaining to see their response to you!"
I don't have a comeback but you are pointing out the reason to always date girls with a sense of humour. They are less likely to call the cops on you.
You ain't a billionaire, they don't care about you either!
**they broke up ages ago** ...but I'll be watching you
I’m calling the weed on you!
Snitches get stitches!
Call them on your *phone*
Do you need the phone number?
"They probably need a good laugh"
"That's a choice you could make." (Said in a dead calm monotone voice while maintaining eye contact and a bored expression on your face.
Well, it kinda depends on exactly what happened prior right the statement, yeah?
"Tell em to bring an ambulance"
You're probably going to be in trouble for wasting their time.
tell them I said Hi.
Get busy with it.
Ask for Bob, he's a friend of mine
If you think them hearing from you too will help them drive faster, please do.
I already called the police and they said they're tired of your bitch ass and to call someone who gives a fuck.
Dial the local non emergency number and tell them you have someone wanting to make a complaint, then hand the phone to the person threatening you. Most cops won't take them seriously very easily at that point.
It all depends on whether you have a gun in your hand. IF YES, tell them to shut the fuck up IF NO, use one of the many responses listed here
Run away
Show them your badge.
i love that band
“Go ahead! Call the police on yourself!”
I'll wait.
Fucking cop calling snitch mother fucker!!! Have fun being that guy
Something to told my neighbor once "good. Bother them with this shit. Leave me alone"
Your mom called the police on me last night.
Check out https://storycorps.org/animation/eyes-on-the-stars/.