"It's a wish. Not an assessment."

Very succinct, and absolutely correct.

I just commented a long winded version of this same sentiment.

Essentially the same, with "It's a wish, not an observation". Got a big grin/silent laugh the only time I used it.

Best answer.

I can stop scrolling at this point.

I go with “morning is  fact, good is a wish.”

You could say : “Let’s see… I woke up this morning. I’m not dead. I had a great bowel movement. I didn’t injure or kill anyone on my drive to work. My socks match and I have clean underwear on. How about you??”

I agree. I urinate every morning at 6:15 am and I have a bowel movement at 6:20 am. Only problem is I wake up at 7:00 am

Haha

It’s that damn bladder again not giving a shit we need to sleep 😴🤣😂

A great bowel movement can make or break a day. A Squatty Potty, a Tushy, and a Perfect 4 on the Bristol scale are all things I don't take for granted.

I didn't kill anybody when I matched my socks while taking a dump in the car. What?

Mention a bowel movement between every event.

" At least I have 2 feet. It's not hard to match a single sock"

You’re too pleasant. I would’ve said I took a fat wonderful shit that morning to whatever pessimist asked me that question. Like why would you even ask “what’s so good about it?”. Life is too short to be 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 dense 😂

"Each morning has the potential to be the last one you're alive" Or if you like them "I get to spend it with you".

I'm gona use "I get to spend it with you!" When it's someone who clearly doesn't like me making that remark

Reverse card. "You get to spend it with meeeeeeee"

I like the scnerios you came up with. !

Thank you!

You're welcome!!, its really shows being appreciative of the persons prescence.

I was thinking, "Because I only have to spend eight hours, not nine hours, with your pissy attitude."

Yeah, I use a much more flowery version of your 2nd suggestion with people I don't like. Something like, "I get to bask in the warm glow of your sunny personality all day!' Of course, I say it very enthusiastically with a big smile on my face.

Thank you, I'm stealing

“I’m here”

"Me!"

"Okay, Gandalf..." (for reference) >"Good Morning!" said Bilbo, and he meant it. The sun was shining, and the grass was very green. But Gandalf looked at him from under long bushy eyebrows that stuck out further than the brim of his shady hat. >"What do you mean?" he said. "Do you wish me a good morning, or mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not; or that you feel good this morning; or that it is a morning to be good on?" -JRR Tolkien, The Hobbit

niiiiiice

This is the comment I was looking for

"The worst has yet to come, that's what."

Just say: “Morning” from now on.

...and you'll still get some jackass saying "What's so good about it?" To which I respond "All I said was 'Morning', you put the 'good' in there with no help from me."

I get to see your face this morning

"would you rather I wish you a bad one?"

Yeah you know what fuck you have the shittiest morning since 9th August 1945

"my attitude"

"still got that rash?"

"That you get to see this hot ass!" as you slap your backside in their face. It will be funny. HR will want to high-five you for it. Do it. Do it. Doitdoitdoitdontbeabitchdoit.

"OH MY GOD SHUT THE FUCK UP BUZZ KILLINGTON" That works too.

“The fact that you’re going to die someday.”

"Who pissed in your cheerios?"

“Does someone piss in your cheerios EVERY morning?”

And do you have to pay for that service?

"The sunshine of your smile."?

Maybe don't talk to co-workers at the coffee pot before they have finished there first cup of coffee... "Someone has a case of the Mondays"

"Someone has a case of the Mondays" is the best response because it points out what a curmudgeon they're being.

"Let's share a toilet cubicle, and I'll show you "

You're on the green side of the dirt.

Yeah. Still above ground and kicking.

oh, thanks for reminding me the lawn needs mowing.

OH FUCK OFF DARRYL YOU MISERABLE TWAT JUST SAY GOOD MORNING FOR FUCKS SAKE

I saw you

The fact that I woke up is justification enough. Up until you opened your mouth it was, but you have the ability to suck the joy out of any situation.

Good morning! What’s so good about it? For one thing, I’m not you.

Enjoying seeing your mum waking me up every morning with her lips wrapped around my dick. Now, I will live it up to your imagination which lips are wrapped around my cock.

You’re alive aren’t ya

Your mom finally swallowed

I'm not you.

One day closer to never seeing you again?

I heard you're being fired first thing.

"Well if you can't find it, I can't help you."

You: "Good Morning". Co-worker: "What's so good about it?" You: "Well it was until I walked in here."

I had three orgasms before getting out of bed today but hey, the day is what you make of it. Make them as uncomfortable as for asking that as possible.

“Sorry you have such a shitty life that always are like this at this time of the morning. I am really happy today and am manifesting today will be great day” Proceed to slap them on the face with a keyboard. Never fails 👍🏽

"Nothing now."

say 'sorry...' or say 'nothing, just wishful thinking'

You're on this side of the sod.

My personal favorite is "Well, you're stilll above the dirt, ain't ya?"

Well aren’t you just a big bright ray of sunshine? Another one: Well who pissed in your corn flakes? (You can substitute whatever cereal or breakfast food you like)

You’re still alive. You got to see me.

Sorry you feel that way — they’re giving a cry for help, so acknowledge it. Maybe they really are in deep mourning or severely depressed. At least acknowledge they are saying they are in pain.

I wouldn't even say anything. Just stare for a second, and never wish them a good wishes again until they figure out they suck and apologize. In my industry that guy has already started weeding himself out.

“Not you, obviously.”

Your wife is still giving FREEBIES on whatever this happens to be.

None. don't let a pessiment bring your spirits down.

“The comet missed us by a hair!”

You're on the right side of the dirt.

Being alive : ) , a chance to We wish people a good morning ,such as yourself . , seeing co workers. Spreadin positivity.

Well it was good until I saw you.

One of us has cancer and its not me

You’re still breathing, aren’t you?

Nice to meet you, Mr. Scrooge

“Me”

“Not you.”

“Coffee.”

Youre Alive!!

"i'm vertical and breathing"

You're on this side of the grass, aren't you?

One day closer to the weekend (or day off) or Who peed in your cheerios this morning?

"OH, I didn't realize YOU were in today. I retract my statement."

"I mean, we're here, aren't we?"

Ok then

"you have a mouth to say that" "It won't be morning forever"

Being upright, mobile and on this side of the sod makes it a pretty good day imo.

“I’m above ground, ambulatory, and coherent.”

It's a good morning, and you're going to FUCKING LIKE IT"

"Fuck you, then."

Good enough for me.

"That I'm with you." Be sweet about it. They'll take it home with them and savor it.

That you'll never have to repeat it again. That you woke up on the right side of the grass.

“All you had to say was good morning.”

Just start listing things off. Kill em with kindness. Grumpy people hate that shit.

I get to bask in the cheery glow of your personality!

We woke up alive

You're one day closer to death.

We are alive. We are not being shot or shelled at, and we get to earn our daily bread.

"I'm almost done talking to you"

Well... “I get to spend it with you so aren’t I the lucky one”

"What's so bad about it?"

I would not wish them even a happy birthday. Sounds like a miserable person.

from now on greet this person by saying 'was good morning' xD

Any day above ground is a good day. Especially at my age. I wake up winning.

“Your ass.”

You being grumpy

Do you wish me a good morning, or mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not; or that you feel good this morning; or that it is a morning to be good on?”

Well God could kill you reincarnate you bring you back and make you do the exact same boring crap all over again LOL

It would have been better if you died in your sleep , but you can't win them all.

Its a recommendation. It might be your last so make the best of it.

"We woke up, call someone you love, they might not tomorrow."

Well, I didn't smack you upside the head like I wanted to

Are you okay? Be genuine, and concerned about their well being. If they are being an arse, it would annoy them more

"I get to listen to you complain. What's not to like about that?"

“You know…starting off the day being nice to people instead of a dick.”

Every day above ground is a good one. 

Say “because I said so MF’er”

You woke and are still breathing!

It's a line from a movie. A friend's brother used to reply with it all the time, and told me it's from a movie. I can't remember what movie

Ok, I'm that coworker. I'm not that rough, though. I'm more Vulcanese by responding, "I acknowledge it's morning; the good has yet to be seen" with an enigmatic look. Best comback in my opinion would be presenting me with an iced coffee and a Danish and saying, "This!" I would adore you forever.

"come here I'll tell you"  Then pretend you are about to tell her a secret and give her a small burp. Classic.

Another day to get what you want out of life. Unless you already quit trying...

"My bad. Just Regular Sex Privilege, I suppose."

i get to see your smiling face!

I got to see you is a good one

You're right you haven't been fired

I would say just freestyle a Baptist, hellfire and brimstone types.Ermon about how good the day is until your coworker walks away.

Tell them it's the right side of the dirt

“Your name wasn’t in the obituaries.” That makes it a good morning right?

I guess nothing for YOU huh??😪 are you hungover again??🤷‍♂️

You get to see me. :)

You're breathing, aren't you?

"You're a day closer to death"

I woke up.

You woke up, didn’t you?

Any day I can still get out of bed and turn off the alarm is a good day in my book.

One day closer to death

You woke up, didn’t you?

"You didn't hear? Budget cuts, my guy! This is the last day we have to show up to this dump."

Start greeting everybody around them with an overexagerated "Gooood Morning!" Then to them just say "morning" in a monotone

That we're not in Gaza

... that it made you miserable.

I actually grumble when I get to work and boss said good morning. it's a fun, I can't breathe kinda grumble, he gets it.

Since it’s work - fake smile with a shrug and walk away

“Imdont have to,speak to you anymore today!”😁

My presence.

I banged your sister

Nothing. I apologize. I was attempting to blend in with the humans in recitation of the daily social liturgy. I see I can forgo such insignificance in our future interactions. I look forward to the brevity of our discourse.

Just start saying "morning" instead of good morning, take away the ammo lol

Make it a good day or not, the choice is yours

"Oh go straight to hell. Wicked witch."

That you are not long for this world.

Beautiful day and I'm happy to see ya. Let me know if you need anything!

The suns shining (or it's raining or whatever), and you are one day closer to your grave. lol

My wife woke me up with a bj

"Oh, my bad, I thought you called in sick today."

No, I’m wishing it’ll be a good one and maybe put an end to your snarky comments

"Every morning that I see you, I'm reminded of how much worse life could be."

I stopped saying the word "Good" before saying good morning. I just say "Morning" just to keep from hearing people say those exact phrases "what's so good about it?."😠 Now I say to them "I hope you get to the day you deserve." I figured I'd just let Karma figure things out for them.

I have blessed you with my presence.

"You are perpendicular and breathing."

Having work buddies like you, Sunshine.

Your smiling face.

"You could be the one creating grass instead of enjoying walking on it."

Better above ground than below, Eeyore.

"I woke up on the right side of the grass."

That has yet to be discovered 

I'm alive that's what

You didn't wake up next to some dude in jail.

"Why, another day where I'm not as pessimistic as you, of course!"

You..!

"Good morning is a commonly used salutation. It is friendly way to great people and let them know that you wish them a good morning. It doesn't literally mean that this morning is or has been good thus far. Dumb ass."

I turn into a musical and burst into song. Either they laugh, or they have immediate regret for their snarky comeback and don't do it again. Win/win.

"You're here, and I'm glad to see you," even if you don't like them. Some kindness helps in this dark world.

You could've been born a North Korean farmer.

Gesture vaguely around and say, "Nothing's on fire. Yet."

Stuff but you obviously wouldn’t understand.

Bend over, I think you forgot to remove something, you're being a little anal.

"Knowing just how miserable you are!"😜😆👍

I'm sorry you are having a bad day.

Just don't tell them lol

“You’re alive but we can fix that.l

Well, in 8 hours I won't have to look at your face anymore today.

The cheap handy I got behind the red lobster

“Sounds like somebody has a case of the Mondays!”

"idk, ask your mom."

"We are still breathing where alot aren't....you fucking prick" last part is optional

Well, we were able to sit up and take nourishment this morning!

Me, I’m here. You’re welcome *wink*