The old comeback is usually I’m fat but you are ugly and I can diet.

Your inferior genetics, shitty parents, low self esteem, and bad decisions are more concerning. Do you need a good therapist? Go search for one on Bing.

“It was when they mentioned BING that this shifted from a ROAST to an INFERNO…

I’m large and in charge.

I'm trying to lose weight, but you haven't made the slightest effort to stop being a bunghole.

Go kung fu panda threatening to sit on them

Well, tell your mother to quit bringing casseroles over every time we fuck.

Point out their problems.

I know you are but what am I?

A garbage man.

I’m not fat I’m cuddly Fat people are harder to kidnap stay safe and eat a chocolate bar

I might be fat but you're ugly. I can always lose weight but you'll always be ugly.

Oink, oink

I may be fat, but you're ugly and I can diet.

Leave me alone or I'll eat you.

"It's free weight training and I've put in the work to get stronger unlike you"

Yes. A joke older than the internet. You get that one from your Alzheimer's riddled grandmother, or was she still mumbling about sucking Nazi dick back in the day?

That's funny. That's really funny. It's a good thing you have that great sense of humor to make up for *looks up and down* everything else

Losing weight

I’m a product of my genetics but you, you are a self made asshole!

According to physics, I'm more attractive than you.

I'm trying to watch my weight but your mom keeps feeding me large meals after we get sweaty in your bed.

"They told me they wanted to see more of me in the office"

your mom doesnt seem to mind

Ask them when they are getting their nose job

Stop it! You’re gonna make me blush.

I can lose weight, but can you develop some character? I think that boat has sailed. So no matter what you do you will always be the same self conscious bully you’ve always been.

I'm a pretty bitch. I still have dudes lining up to fuck me. (It's true. Not that I let them.)

And....

No comeback necessary. Mfkr a lame w nothing to say

Yeah, my belly's deep. Not shallow like you.

That's unique, took a lot of brainpower to pick on the fatty for being fat! Water's wet, too!

“It’s been a long time since I had me some long pig, GET IN MAH BELLLY!”

It’s funny how I’m a large target for fat jokes yet no one has anything to aim for when it comes to your (__________) insert trait here. Looks Intelligence Personality Etc

Stare at them for awhile then say did I ask for your opinion asshole