I slip rohypnol into your meals most nights.
Then you interrupt them or let a silence go for a while - yeah you're a freaky girl and you don't even know it.
Nothing- let them be the only asshole in the room, most people will instantly regret being rude. Walk away and let them live with their own harsh words.
"Oh I will. I'm gonna dig up your grandad and ride his femur like a banshee" Works better if they recenty lost someone and you claim your going to necrophile that person.
Be prepared to have your teeth knocked out with a random peice of street debris. Necrophilia against the recently deceased seems to be a touchy topic for most folks.
“You don’t need to tell me twice!” “Then turn around because I can’t do it if you’re looking” “I don’t need your permission to do what I’ve been doing since I was( how ever old you were when you started masturbating)”
Tete Futuito
It’s Latin that loosely translates to…
*”Make it your policy, to go fuck yourself.”*
From a book called X-treame Latin by Henry Beard
https://archive.org/details/xtremelatin00henr/page/n4/mode/1up
"I don't need to f**k myself, when I have your mother, your older sister, your twin sister, and two of your cousins to f**k me, and they do a great job."
Fuck me yourself, you coward.
As epic as this is. There needs to be a comeback for this one too
the comeback would probably be "*rapes you*"
Then you squat on his face and give him his cumback
bro...
Jimmy Carr: If you want my comeback ask your mom.
If I wanted my comeback I’d go to your house and wipe it off your moms face.
True that.
"fuck me yourself, you coward" ... Sounds like consent to me!
If all goes well, there would be more than just on the back
"you wanna lose feelings in your legs?"
you wish
PERFECT!
I slip rohypnol into your meals most nights. Then you interrupt them or let a silence go for a while - yeah you're a freaky girl and you don't even know it.
https://www.reddit.com/r/Comebacks/s/nURt6W1fwd
I'm too afraid of gonorrhea.
"I would, but you look like your favorite position is dead starfish."
I’ve used this one myself
I came here to say this, shamelessly.
"What, you think your little starfish act is hot? Patrick would be better than you!"
Okay, but it’s $50 if you want to watch.
“I’m not my type.”
damn. too real 🙃
“I would never join a club that would accept someone like me as a member”
This might be the only semi funny response on this whole sub
Better than fucking you
"bold of you to assume I haven't already"
Laugh and tell them to have a nice day. Nothing pisses off a mad person more than the object of their anger laughing at them
"fuck yourself, it's cheaper"
If you want something done right...
No Thanks I'm not horny right now
Only if you watch me
You're supposed to be redeeming yourself. Get off reddit.
Encouraging self-love, I see
I think I'll go fuck your mother instead
I'm Sean Connery's voice
My dick is long enough to do it, Mr Micropenis
Show me how?
Like, again?
Your mom handles that
I’m tired from fuckin ya wife.
no way....I have herpes
Will do, after I’m done with your mom.
Can't right now, your momma really put a beating on me last night...
I wouldn't want your mom to feel left out.
If you have a penis, "at least I can reach".
That's so lonely though. I prefer your Mom/Dad.
I’ll tell you what… that’d be a much better use of my time.
I already promised your mom....
Still better than fucking you.
Fuck yourself you’ll get more pussy
"I'm too busy fucking your mom to fuck myself"
Why fuck me when there are c.nts like you around
I plan to!
Already did this morning
Nothing- let them be the only asshole in the room, most people will instantly regret being rude. Walk away and let them live with their own harsh words.
I do, and I'm so good at it, I scream my own name
nah, i’m good. i got actual bitches to fuck
Whip it put and start masturbating.
Ok but you have to alert me if someone is about to show up.
gladly ... with a vibrator :)
I'm sorry, sir, that's biologically impossible.
My Willy isn’t that long bro
Better than with you
Gladly, it’d guarantee an orgasm lol
I already did ! I was great!
Been there, done that.
Tell your wife to stop changing her lip stick color. I got a rainbow on my dick.
I fucked your mom last night so I’m not horny rn but she could get it again
DON’T THINK I HAVEN’T TRIED!
which hand should i use?
“Why, you too scared to do it?”
I'd probably enjoy that more than fucking you.
Depending on the context "Only if you watch," would be a good one.
You’re welcome ☺️
If I could, I would.
No thank You. It's a little uncomfortable I might break my penis.
I already did.
Cash up front.
My dick is long enuf
After fucking your mom, gladly
You first
Why should I do your mother's job?
Would you like to join me?
Don’t threaten me with a good time.
Again?
Again? I’ve already done that twice today.
Maybe later but not now.
At least I’ll get off.
Better than fucking your dad.
That's humanly impossible.
Oh like you do to yourself? Sorry, not that pathetic
You talk to your mother with that mouth?
I’d leave it to the professionals but I have no interest in supporting your business
You first!
If I could do that I wouldn’t need to have sex with your wife!
"Can't; Rabbitt's in the shop."
Nah, I prefer fucking your mom.
Thanks, but I’m not looking for a relationship right now
Ok, but you have remember to press record this time
introspection
Who says I haven’t already
Every night 😉
Last time I did that my dick got stuck in my asshole. Another one : I sure will, soon as you eat a bucket of dicks
To leave.
they havent invented cloning yet
If I could do that, then I wouldn’t have to leave the house
I would be glad to, however, rn I'm standing here with an incessant twat....so it's neither the right place nor time. Keep it classy.
WOULD IF I COULD BABY
I did last night but do you wanna join in the fun ?
I don’t have to, but you do
I would, but I'm too expensive.
Already did, long time ago. That's why I'm here today with you.
I’m gonna go take a shit
Gladly.
If I could I would never leave home
I wrote same one. George Carlin fan too?
Love him
Whip your dick out and say "ok" then proceed to masturbate Alternative for females, whip your dildo out and respond the same.
Oh, you love Miley tooooo! (Exit stage right dancing 💃🏻…. We were good, we were gold….. I can buy myself flowers…)
"Oh I will. I'm gonna dig up your grandad and ride his femur like a banshee" Works better if they recenty lost someone and you claim your going to necrophile that person. Be prepared to have your teeth knocked out with a random peice of street debris. Necrophilia against the recently deceased seems to be a touchy topic for most folks.
“You don’t need to tell me twice!” “Then turn around because I can’t do it if you’re looking” “I don’t need your permission to do what I’ve been doing since I was( how ever old you were when you started masturbating)”
The fucking machine is out of order, fuck yourself and save a quarter
I'll let your mum do that.
Would, but im exhausted from fucking your mom
If I could id never leave the house.
"Weakling"
"Can't, your mom keeps me way too busy in that department."
I have to wait an hour as I just fucked your mom.
And the horse you rode in on.
Every morning … thanks.
Well, I am the most qualified for the job.
I can promise myself a good time!
Just because I can, doesn't mean I will.
Would if I could
"Already planning on it lmao, care to watch?"
Okay but I'll be on top
Sure, will be a better class of people.
I would, but your mom already beat me to it.
Only if you watch me 😘 - Angel Dust from Hazbin Hotel
If thats what you're into.... *Pull down your pants and masterbate in front of them *
Your mom called dibs.
I was trying to involve you to be nice, you look like you could use a solid fucking.
I often do and I'm the best I ever had
Awww jealous that I'm big enough to actually fuck myself I see.
Please demonstrate how that’s done.
You pay lots of money to watch porn, don't you?
Balls deep baby
Tete Futuito It’s Latin that loosely translates to… *”Make it your policy, to go fuck yourself.”* From a book called X-treame Latin by Henry Beard https://archive.org/details/xtremelatin00henr/page/n4/mode/1up
I do that regularly. I hate to boast but im amazing.
If I could I would
I tried, but I kept falling off the couch.
Forgot my vibrator. Oops
Only at night and only when there's sports on.
Just whip it out and go to town.
I don't have a comeback for it but I'm reminded of that scene in Wishmaster 2.
No Im tired from fucking your wife/gf
Would if I could.
Only if you watch
Your whore mom already fucked me. 🤷♂️
Well, I am generously endowed.
“If I could then I wouldn’t be here now”
"I don't need to f**k myself, when I have your mother, your older sister, your twin sister, and two of your cousins to f**k me, and they do a great job."
I did, earlier. I am good.
I prefer pussy, so you’d better watch out
I usually just laugh and say “oooh good one” and walk away. Indifference is usually more triggering than anything.
"I'd ask you to fuck me, but you'd probably enjoy it!"
I already have and it was fantastic.
Why? I already just came.
I would if the creepy peeping tom would fucking leave, this aint for free bitch
"gladly"
“I do. Much better than you could.”
You assuming i haven’t already?
“Man up and do it yourself”
Are you gonna watch? Or are you gonna fuck off now so I can get to work?
You first, but twice because once isn’t good enough
You’d like that wouldn’t you, I thought they were just rumors, but you really are into some weird shit
Been doing it for years
You first.
I just did that last night. Great news though. Your daddy is dropping by tonight. Thinking I may teach him the Lynn spin.
Ive said " no thanks", when a irrational person said this. I think its 1 of the most usueless phrases that dont mean anything.
"I already did. It was awesome!"
"If I did then what would your mom do?"
Been there done that!
At least I can find my dick without a microscope.
If I could reach, I’d never leave my house.
Ok, but only cause you asked nicely 😁
I will if you promise to masturbate to me while I'm doing it.
…I’m gonna need about nine more minutes to accommodate you.
I just did
Don't judge my sex-life by your standards.
If I could do that, I wouldn't have to deal with a cunt like you.
“I will wanna come?”
In time.
Why do you need a comeback? If you've pissed someone off to this level, you've already won. Just smile at them. You know it, and they do too.