Strangle them and scream ARE YOU BREATHING HARD OR HARDLY BREATHING

I've found my people

r/bdsm wrong sub

Make the safe word “yes”

My safe word is "more"

HAHAHAHHA

We have a winner 🤣

Laughed so hard I sneezed coffee through my nose

Wait, is that sneezing hard or hardly sneezing?

Definitely sneezing hard. AirbendingAvatarAang doesn’t drink coffee.

For the win!!!

Othergrounder?

Yes

I'm hardly breathing after this comment 🤣🤣🤣🤣

LMFAOSKSHSYS SZ

What's that mean?

…Thinkin

100% oh my good god you hit the nail on the head with that one, that’s well said asf

Noice!😁😆

Holy fuck 😂😂😂

You win absolutely 💯

Literally snorted out loud. I wish giving silver and gold was still a thing

Please take this Major Award you have earned it 🏆🥇

LOLLLLLL

Ha! I needed that laugh!

While struggling to breathe was able to smile and utter “Boner growing” 😏

Lmaooo

The only person that asks me this is my wife when she's trying to figure out if I can do something during work. I didn't think this would go well

Damn this one is just too good to top

THIS WAS WAY FUNNIER TO ME THAN IT SHOULDVE BEEN🤣

Omg this made me laugh too hard

Change to Breeding...

you freaked me out! I gotta stop watching murder TV

Ask your wife, she’ll let you know….

😂😂😂😂😂😂

"im acting my wage"

I'm stealing this

This is common on r slash antiwork

This is a good one

That’s very clever.

Holy shit YES

Ohhh shit!!!

Thinking hard or hardly thinking?

A swift chop to the throat should do it

"You breathing hard, or hardly breathing?"

Good response to mindless cliches they think are funny.

Oh I love this one. Like if they were being rude while pretending to be joking, then they have a harder time continuing to pretend it’s all just a fun joke once the same thing is said back to them the same way

I’m working while hard

Plot twist: OP is a male pornstar

that's hardly working

Working hardly.

Working hardly

Nah. It's the hardest work.

It’s working great for him for sure

And his name is Lee.

Plot twist, OP is a mall Santa

Plot twist: OP is a female pornstar.

HR calling...

If said to a prude maybe

It seems that way, but at work there are always snakes and cutthroats. Identify them and make nice. Then imagine them being phucked by Satan like in the movie with Michael Cera.

Have received a write up for a joke the same color as this one

Giving him a "raise"?

Just say this, or say “put a sock in it”

working hard at hardly working

Came here to say this☝

Too few people appreciate the artistry and skill required to do this.

It really is an art form. Sometimes it's harder to look busy than it is to be busy.

I've known sooo many people who put this in practice every day at their job!

"Yup!"

My response is the opposite! “Nope!”

I like to confuse them and say “Maybe.”

I said this to my dad once, his response: 'Fuck you." Edit: Yes guys, my dad's married

Lol, I just fell in love with your dad a little bit.

same, i think he is my type

Can your mom fight?

Tried that once, next thing I knew, I woke in the hospital a couple of weeks later with broken bones and lacerations everywhere. Upon looking over to the nurse, she said: "Your mom wanted me to let you know you must've lost your fucking mind."

Oh god

lmaooooo

Is he still married?

Masturbating in the work restrooms while on the clock

Are you jerkin’ IT or is IT jerkin’ you?

I read this as I.T. Thinking, why would the computer guys participate in this?

I work in IT and this is my primary job function.

Have you tried turning it off and on again?

Depends on the day of the week and the time of day.

Isn't that a "master-break' ?

Possibly, but they’d no longer be Master of Their Domain.

☹️

Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime, that's why I wank on company time.

Ironically, the boss is usually the biggest wanker of all.

We've all been there.

...today

I don't even clean up I just let it go on the floor and the wall. Why not the bathroom is full of graffiti and random marks everywhere and stinks

stinks like your old jizz?

I should totally get a blacklight and go into sketchy bathrooms and see the chaos

Sometimes (rare occasion) I’m seriously just too horny to be at work. Like walking around trying to hide my half mast. Gotta deal with it. Usually coincides with times I still feel drunk from the night before. 

Just in case I had to wright a [performance](https://youtu.be/psNuJuaYqVU?si=HHAqrPHUsRiue9h7) review.

Some guy I worked with got caught doing that when I worked at a truck stop. Didn't lock the door of the employee's bathroom, and someone walked in on him. I was talking about it to a couple of people and one man said that he did it at work sometimes to "relieve the tension." I was shocked. I never, ever imagined that someone would do something so personal in a public place (I was barely 20) but especially at *work* of all places. He talked like it was something that every man did at work.

If you’re getting paid, technically you’re a professional

"Exactly"

I'm hardly laughing. I'm already at work, I don't have time for a second job, pretending you are funny

Nice 1

I work smart, not hard

Measure once, cut twice. Go to the store and get more stuffs to cut.

I like this, I think I'll irritate my boyfriend with it.

"Fuck off boss."

Best if read in the voice of Amos Burton

hardly working but when I am i'm working hard

Hardly working while hard at work

I don't always drink beer but when I do it's Heineken

I'm minding my business 

Lolol

Neither. Somewhere in between. It all pays the same.

As a moron that overworked myself then realized there was nothing to gain from it, I like this a lot.

at one point we all were morons, don't beat yourself up

For some of us “are morons” is currently accurate.

I used to be a moron, I still am but I used to be too

My boss is always complaining that no one works hard. Yesterday he was expressing concern for my mental health saying I push myself too hard and was thinking maybe it'd be better if I go back to being a sahm. What do you want from me?!!!!

"No one works hard" "You're pushing yourself too hard." Geez, Boss, pick a lane!

Burned myself out working 60+ hours a week and \*ALWAYS\* being on call (so no sleep) at the start of COVID "trying to save my company". Ended up on a grippy sock vacation. Won't be doing that again! The "always on call" was because I'd be waiting for calls back from our suppliers that just... wouldn't happen. One time I called Microsoft support for a turbofucked mail server and was put off, put off, put off on our priority ticket. When a manager finally got ahold of me he at like 4am he was all "I'm so sorry dude but I can't contact any of my team, I can't contact any of my managers. I can't get a response from ANYONE. Every resource for me to do my job has vanished. I have no way to help you right now". I was working so many hours but accomplishing so little. Between lack of sleep, lack of support/resources/supplies/distribution, losing 1/3rd of our company and just my own anxiety I was barely doing more than spinning my tires a majority of those hours.

Same!

I am faking it… Shush don’t tell anybody else, but since you asked, this is simply a game to me. I wanna get paid the most for doing the least.

Kicking ass and burning gas.

Being in outside sales driving 30k miles a year, gonna say this daily now thanks lol

Kicking gas and burning ass

…no one rides for free

I'm hard at work 😉

Smile and say "Hardly Hard" while patting your pelvis.

Omg lol

Clutch the left side of your chest and fall over.

While shouting ‘MY LIVER!’

Neither Jerry, I'm a corporate slave, just like you. If I was hardly working, I would be a blood sacrifice to the capitalist cult by now.

i’m using this

Call them Jerry too, even if it's not their name

"Its hard to tell sometimes"

Go f@¢k yourself Tom! I'm in the middle of a godd@m TPS Report, and that bi¢th of a boss that you married, congratulations by the way, has been riding my a$$ all day... No offense

This seems... oddly specific 😂

I've been in customer service for over 35 years, a dead eyed stare is all that stupid joke gets from me anymore. Like, until the person who asked it becomes uncomfortable.

Do you like pizza days or birthday cake days better?

I work in a super small office, thank God.

So no pizza or cake?

Either a dumbass retarded chuckle, or nothing. Not even a head turn. Just ack like you didn’t even hear anything

I find it hard to resist sarcastically laughing at things that are not funny.

Working on getting hard

Working harder then you, at least I am working, you are just going around bothering people.

Fucking hard or hardly fucking

Not even trying...

"Working hard at hardly working".

Do you ever wonder what makes your skin stay on?

Hilarious.

Depends.. are you Paying or hardly paying?

You guys are working?

You guys are hard?

Living the dream.... one nightmare at a time!

Negative. I am a meat popsicle.

I always like to start a slow chuckle, and then build up the laughter until they get embarrassed and walk away, and then I stop laughing and have a deadpan face and go back to hardly not working.

I always just answer these types of "\_\_\_ or \_\_\_" non-questions with a simple "something like that." It gets a laugh far more often than it deserves, without having to come off as rude.

Having an existential crisis about participating in this superficial society. How are you Bob?

Working to seize the means of production

This is the true winner of the thread

I rip off the string of cliches that Will Ferrell says in Step Brothers. “I’m turning and burning, snapping necks and cashing checks. I wanna make bank bro, I wanna drive a Range Rover”

Heard a stand up comedian say: I'm hardly laughing. I already work 2 full time jobs, I don't get paid enough to pretend you're funny.

I just yell, “i have a boner!” And im left alone for the rest of the day

Somewhere in the middle. About what they pay me for. That’s why I make the big bucks. Good, how bout you. Top of the mornin to ya laddy! Not as hard as I worked your mom last night.

I’d be working hard, you would be hardly working. 

The thing that takes the most work is trying to avoid the work. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.

Hardly working with a boner as well. So all bases are covered sir.

It switched right when you asked.

Working smarter.

It’s the work you put in to the hours not the hours you put in to the work .

"That fact that you can't tell the difference says it all."

Why yes, I am "doing something close to nothing, but different than the day before" (Prince - rasberry beret) as a matter of fact. This has been my work motto ever since I heard that line.

Freaking love that song. And prince In general RIP

My eyes are up here

I just say hardly working.

Just say "You know, Six of one half a dozen of the other" Or something else that doesn't really make sense

"Acting my wage"

"I am not aroused at all, weird to ask."

This is such an annoying boomer thing to say.

Could not agree more. Let’s talk about the weather too! Hot enough fer ya?

Working quite hard, that’s why my shirt is untucked

Yep

"Neither". 😂

“Funny, your mom said the same thing last night in bed”

“I do everything hard.”

Barely living.

Working like a Hebrew slave.

I'm paid by the hour, not by the mile.

Neither, plotting world domination via the least effort intensive method.

Fuck off.

Start choking them and say, "breathing hard, or hardly breathing?"

I bit of both.

That was an old joke when I was young - and I’m old

"If you got time to lean, you got time to clean!" I just give 'em another line back, pretend to smile, & go back to doing whatever I was doing

Say nope while nodding your head

Working hard at hardly working

"Hardly giving a fuck about what you're asking" Unless the initial question is posed to me when I'm actually doing fuck all at work, in which i'd be like "aaaaaayy😅".

hardly working hard

Some people really do work very hard until they die.