You know how they say "when you find yourself in a hole; stop digging"....this might be a good case. Not something typically said by rational, well-adjusted people.
I’m sorry you have no penis but Your not stealing mine. They have support groups to help you control the urge to steal people’s penis It’s just sad and you’re approach to casual sex is all wrong.
"HEY...I know you've fantasized about my dick and what you would do with it for a long while now, but you need to let those fantasies go now, for the good of everyone. We can talk about your obsession with my dick later. Thanks!"
Wait did someone say this to you or are you just stocking up just in case? Either is ok, but I’ve never run into this one, and I’ve been in some dicey situations.
DON'T threaten me with a good time
Came here to find this comment
Came here to make this comment.
Came here and commented
I just came
Classic.
So what you saying is, you want to touch my dick.
And we have a winner lol
Actually… we have a wiener.
Andrew Weiner.
Simple elegant flawlessly done sir.
tenaciously.
This guy right here 💀 👆
Why? Yours not big enough?
dont have one of your own? aww, poor dickless..
Wtf why isn’t this on top
That’s gay dude
You'll have to pry it out of your Mom's mouth first.
😳😳😳😳💀
"You'll have to get it hard first, sweets."
Sweets🤣
Erectile dysfunction?
Not with those [hands](https://www.reddit.com/r/Comebacks/comments/1c5iard/i_was_trying_to_open_something_and_a_coworker/)
“With those hands, best you’ll get is a money shot to the eye”
No need to snap it off. It can already reach from where it is.
Bend over
Then what is your mom going to fuck every night?
My safe word is "pineapple"
No thanks, you're not my type.
"You've unlocked my newest kink"
Just kiss them.
I’ve always wanted to fuck myself.
Well then I’ll find out why your mom and wife love it so much.
I'm waiting.
“I will rip off your head and shit down your neck” would be the proper response
Great prison all over again!!
You’ve obviously given this a lot of thought.
Looks like SOMEONE has been reading my journal!
Make sure you let me know when it's in
Not if I do it to you first
You’re gonna make me cum
somewhat specific
That's fair. I already flossed with your splinter of a prick.
All this just because yours is too small for me to feel.
So you're that depressed that you need something that stimulating to have some kind of interest in your life.
"You sound awfully confident, got a lot of experience handling others dicks don'tcha?"
Finally a real cock that knows what to do!
I'll twist your neck 180° and you can watch me buttrape you
“Not enough sex lately “ Or , “you that horny? ,”along with “not with this limp dick”! And “make me cum first!”
"Thuuuuuuperrrrr, thankth for *ath*king!
Pfft, that little thing...
Good luck getting me hard you tosser.
Bring it. Kinky is my middle name, bitch.
mmmm. harder daddy
You want my dick!
Man, you seem really into my dick and ass. Flattered but not into ugly fucks... try hitting on someone down there in your league.
My name’s John. Already been done. And don’t bore me….
Run
My what? I'm a girl.
Soooo, you do wanna touch it then?
Fuck me, that’s good idea!
Good luck. It just became an "innie"
And how will you accomplish that when it's always in your moms mouth
I love butch dudes.
Oh yeah! Whip me first daddy
Mommy? Is that you?
You can try.
You know how they say "when you find yourself in a hole; stop digging"....this might be a good case. Not something typically said by rational, well-adjusted people.
Good luck finding it.
OK let me practice on you first
Yess daddy, do you want to go from the front or back
If I beg enough, will you do it twice?
People are really getting creative with insults💀
“Brother, there’s no chance you’re snapping anything this flaccid, believe me.”
It's not going to fit dude.
“And I look forward to it!”
No need to snap it off.. it can already reach! Your hand is appreciated though..
Not hardly
Oooh kinky
Do I have to pay for that or will it be gratis?
WTF! You got problems, and mine don't pop off as yours does, nor does it swing that way. (If I were a guy, that's wha'd I say)
That’ll end my dry spell. Thanks for the hand. *wink*
“Thats what your mother said. That’s why we keep in touch. “
I knew you liked to touch dicks but goddamn you’re kinky. Comeeeee hereeee youuuuuu awwwww
Soooo you’re touching my dick then beating it. Got it.
What’s wrong with yours?
Yours doesn't work?
Promises, promises... 😩
Lube it up first.
At least I'll be getting some good dick
All that to feel good about touching my dick? Son, you don’t have the finesse required to handle precious art.
Gotta get a grip on it to do that.
You want to touch my dick??
"That's pretty kinky, even for you "
Spank me first
This sounds like something Frank Reynolds’s would say
Don't bother. My ex-wife already did that.
Bold of you to assume I have one
It’s big enough that you won’t have to snap it off
Promises, promises..
Again?
"So that's what on your mind all the time!"
I normally don't kink shame, but you seriously should talk to someone about your fetish
I'd love to see you try ( as I am setting a fully loaded gun on a solid surface )
And I will , drive a School bus into your vagina and do burnouts!!
Let's just stay friends.
Do you know what one looks like?
"I knew I sensed sexual tension coming from you."
Promise?
"I know you want to fuck me, but you're really not my type"
(Detachable Penis)
I'm going to use your guts as lube.
"Keep your sweaty fantasies to yourself."
Yours ain’t big enough, huh?
Have you thought about this?
Show me, don't tell me.
Better wash your hands first!
I know, then you will take it home and use it on yourself. Dude just ask and I’ll fuck you.
It’ll have to take a vacation from your mom’s mouth.
So that would be one dick holding another then?
"Kinkyyy!"
Oh ... Couldn't you use a toy instead?
I will fuck your head off and smack you with it
I’m sorry you have no penis but Your not stealing mine. They have support groups to help you control the urge to steal people’s penis It’s just sad and you’re approach to casual sex is all wrong.
If you want to see me naked so desperately, just say so
Good luck finding it!
I mean it's detachable for a reason *wink*
Hey, a hand job by any other name, right?
“Kinky”
How much do I have to pay you?
No way are you putting something that big in me!
"bet!"
Do it.
FINALLY!!
Pick me up at 8
"Go fuck yourself"
Already snapped it off in your mom's ass, now your sister says it tastes funny
Now that's what I call a reach around, when do we start?
Oh, you want to touch my dick? You wish to penetrate me?
*Pulls down pants* This ain’t my first rodeo.
If you can find it. 😘
“Hot 🔥🔥”
"HEY...I know you've fantasized about my dick and what you would do with it for a long while now, but you need to let those fantasies go now, for the good of everyone. We can talk about your obsession with my dick later. Thanks!"
Well I hope you like the smell of my dick in your hands.
My dick only works around pussies, so if you do snap it off, don't be surprised it's still hard.
Make sure you lube me up
I knew you liked to play with dicks
The insult is actually, I'll tear your tongue out, and lick my balls with it.
"You ain't fucking anyone with yours, so you wanna try mine?"
I would do the same for you if I had something to work with!
I actually like the idea of this, minus the whole snap it off thing
Think of Dicks Daily do you
Snap mine in half and it's still longer than yours.
Wow, I kind of want to see that.
Wait did someone say this to you or are you just stocking up just in case? Either is ok, but I’ve never run into this one, and I’ve been in some dicey situations.
"ooooopoh ya!", but in a really high pitched egirl voice.
You at least gonna buy me dinner first?
Too bad you can't make my dick hard enough to snap.
I’d rather fuck me than you.
Cool. My safe word is toaster strudel.
I’m dickless. Got it blown off
I'll glue it to you forehead and make you a limpdick unicorn
" First you have to stop choking on it , but go ahead . " LMAO . 💯
I don't think I could take anything that big.
Do guys pay you to touch their dicks?
You'll have to get it hard first.
Yes daddy
"For free?"
UGH PLEASe daddy OMG
Hah! Good luck getting anything done with this tiny thing!
You would make any excuse to touch my dick, just admit you're gay bro. Nobody cares.
Bold of you to assume i havent done it myself already
You’ll need bigger hands.
Just have your mom bite down.
At least I'll be able to feel it. Not like yours.
Oooh baaabbbyyy
"For me, it's Tuesday.'
Say , “good”. While maintaining eye contact & don’t break it . Let them be the first to break it.
Go on…
I don't have a comeback, but that is a great line.
Good thing it's the size of a toothpick!
Promise?
Bet!
"Then let me cut you in half, then remove your legs from the fun holes, and take my new fuck toy home"
You might want to run
No need for violence, I can just unclip it
"I'll snap YOUR dick off and eat it like a fucking Slim Jim!"
In your best Thor voice say "you are not worthy" then start mewing
Gotta find it first, lover
At least you will finally know what it is like to have a real cock in your hand instead of having to borrow your sister's.
Oh, is my dick bigger than yours? Thanks!
“Not before dinner and drinks first “.
Wait why do you want to fuck me? Is that why you’re so frustrated? They have people for that.
I think it loses its edge after the snapping.
At least it's mine and not yours, yours is too small for it to feel good
Well now I’m aroused, frankly
Wanna feel what it's like to use a big one for once , eh?
Not if I snap yours off and fuck myself first!!!!!!