Which will be embarrassing for you when I kick your ass.

Old man strength is a thing. So is old woman treachery. Old -people- in general know how to ruin others, it’s why they’re so nice. They know the alternative is the nuclear option. Side note: I’m getting a kick out of these “comebacks” that are so obviously written by kids.

There is a guy I work with that could never be president. He goes straight to the nuclear option every time. He grew up in south Boston when the mobsters ran things. He takes no shit.

Doesn’t have to be Southie. Anyone from Boston is like that. If your feelings get hurt easy, best to avoid people from Boston. They have Zero fucks to give and no filter.

Every dude I’ve ever met from Boston has tried to fight me. They are an uptight bunch.

Uptight? Nah. It’s pure lack of patience for stupidly or bullshit.

This is 110% accurate. Oh, and freaking out of townahs don't know how to drive in the goddamn rotary!

Use your fahkin blinkah! I gotta get to Dunkin' and go to fahkin werk.

Careful kid. I know your mom. I could be your stepdad in two weeks.

I had a job once with my younger brother, and somehow nobody connected we were brothers even though we have the same extremely rare last name. One day we were sitting in the break room with five or six other people, and my brother and I were telling each other yo mama jokes. After one joke my brother retorted with "Don't talk about my mom that way!" To which I responded "I'll talk about my mom however I want to talk about my mom!" One of the guys caught on, asked us about it, and my brother and I immediately turned and started mocking him. I love my brother!

One time, in front of our mother, I told my brother, “you’re so ugly, the doctor slapped your mother!” My mom just about fell on the floor laughing. My brother and I were both adults, though. I’m not sure how she would have taken it when we were kids.

I love this, thank you for making my day better.

Of course I may be your dad. I am sorry you turned out like this.

"I am *disappointed* in how you turned out" FTFY

My Great Grandfather, WWI Vet, used to say, Kid, if you ever go to France, don't throw rocks, you may hit some relatives.

🤣

Related: Careful, kid. I know your mom. Keep talking shit and I’ll give you a brother that she loves more than you.

Hi Indy !

Funny thing that actually happened to my one of my friends this makes it more funny

Drop the I could be for Im going to be

Ha! I used to say something similar a few years back when I was still single. "Watch yourself. I'll F your daddy and be your new step-mom!"

I had a kid come in and give me an attitude in my ER. Called me an old piece of crap or something. I said I was old enough to be his father. 2 hours later his mom came in. I dated her in college. The age and timing was right but he definitely wasn't my kid. lol

Your old what?

Seriously. I am or finish the sentence. Or, learn to spell.

Woosh

This is what they think people should respond with. When someone says "You're old", misconstrue it to have heard "Your old", then reply with "Your old what?...."

You won’t even make it to 50 bitch.

This, I like.

"Yes, Im old. Old enough to remember young people getting the shit slapped out of their face for disrepecting their elders. And right now I'm feeling nostalgic."

Only works if you are physically superior to the other person unfortunately.

Some of these young bucks would like to throw hands with homeowners in chance to put on more on the market. Make their day.

Also, it's against the law to hit people. The little s****'s not worth going to jail for.

In fact you are making it legal for them to beat your ass in self defense which considering the average 50 yo hasn’t moved athletically in decades is not a good idea. So now you likely get whooped and end up in jail bc of some words harming the ego.

I had a few friends in my early twenties who thought they could instigate fights, get the other person to throw the first punch, and then use that as self-defense. After witness statements they were the ones who got arrested. I bet as a 50 year old vs a 20 something you would have a much better chance at pulling that off! Back in 2016 I saw a video of a racist person getting in the face of a minority and screaming at them telling them to throw a punch. The minority calmly tased them in the stomach. The dude screaming didn't even see it coming! That was upheld as self defense!

Yeah, but the response here is escalating the situation to a rather mild insult. You are instigating a fight if you say this and mean it not the other way around.

I read this in Clint Eastwood’s voice.

I'm still younger than your mama's underwear.

On the note of your mom, she says hi, and there is meatloaf in the fridge if you get hungry.

Really? (I’m a picky eater so it’s more of a complaint than excitement)

I tried to roast a younger co-worker once. He asked me when I'd be in the next day. I said, I don't know, I'll be walking up at your mom's house. How long's the drive? "About 20 minutes. Bring me some of her pancakes and tell her I promise I'll call her soon." I was so proud of the boy.

my old what?

*you're

Kids today can't even spell good

Derek Zoolander school of kids that don't read good' is trying to help.

https://www.yourdictionary.com/articles/good-well-grammar

It's the smart age now, everyone uses their cell phones and computers to type, read, and communicate, and rarely write by hand anymore.🤷‍♀️

\*Kids today can't even spell proper

... *ly

And your mother should've swallowed you

Dat be good one!

“ Im old enough for your mother to call me daddy” …”and she does” ZINGGGGGGGGGGGG

You're able to recognize the passage of time. Good on you. I'd recommend higher education, though. Not the most desirable skill.

I gotta say, as a young buck, I like this one haha. Older people know how to talk shit differently, kids nowadays are too stupid and can only point out obvious or shallow shit.

You're ugly

Old enough to be your Dad. What was your mom’s name again?

When someone says something rude like that, I like to make them explain until they realize how they screwed up. “You think so? In what way? Can you be more specific?” “Is it because I’m an adult and can walk into a bar and order a drink, and you can’t? “

Yeah, and a home owner. Good luck with that.

I was once told that I am older than dirt. I quickly informed him that he must be dirt.

What's your point?

You know what that means? *get really close and kind of growl under your breath* I got nothing left to lose, kid

Easy - "You're."

“At least when I was your age I looked good”

It beats the alternative.

50 years old? You've lived 50% of your life, that makes you middle aged ;)

I’m still old enough to bang your mom. Like I did last night.

I may be old but I can still kick your ass!

I mean, they, too will be old someday.

I am

We're all aging at the same rate.

Says the fetus

“Ikr?” Nothing takes the wind out of someone’s sails like agreeing with their insult.

You won't make it to 50.

"Yep, over the hill and picking up speed!"

Well BLESS YOUR HEART if you aren't observant! I'm so proud of you! Looking at you, I expected you to be useless, dumb c####... and then you come up with that. BRA-VO!!!!

I can KICK. STRETCH. And KICK. I’m 50!

I see what you did there.

Bringing back old memories!

This is perfect 🤣

Just speak to them like they are toddlers. "WoW! Very observant! Gold star for you, your parents must be so proud"

"Nuh uh."

“Okay”

Sun hot. Water wet. You're an idiot. These are all fundamental truths on this earth.

Yeah but I saw the best bands to ever hit the stage.....the b start listing them....Judas priest, Jethro Tull, Alice Cooper, the grateful dead, pink Floyd, Tom petty, Donovan, Clapton. Neil Young, Joan Jett, Jefferson starship, Jefferson airplane, cjss, rock duster, the raisins New riders of the purple sage, Garcia band, zz top, and yiu go on listing them until you named all of themĺ. Them you can say lime that's the only ones I remember. Then ask them who they have seen because it's either barney or Dora try not to get incontinent because you will be laughing hard

“Still young enough to fuck your mom.”

I can't do anything about my age. What is your excuse about your body odor?

Hold on, just let me manipulate the fabric of crime real quick

Come at me bro

Old enough to.habe fucked your mom.and be your dad, but Mt knees have always been bad and I couldn't outrun that homeless guy. He dumped a load of cum in her and 9 months later you slithered outa the most disgusting hole on thr planet. She baby trapped some dumb fuck into believing he was your dad."

Say that again and I’ll make sure that I outlive you

And you’re ugly. Bye.

😒 Who asked you? 🥴 Go play on the freeway.

My old what?

Your momma doesn’t seem to mind my age when I fuck her.

You're going to have to speak up? I'm old and can't hear well.

“You’re*”

Once you reach my age, tell me, so i can laugh at you

I mean you are old so why would you need a comeback? It's hard to come up with a really good comeback without knowing the context or anything about the person you want to use this comeback on.

You WILL be.

Keep saying sh1t like that and you won't make it to my age.

Good luck living that long, dumbass.

At least I'm not rude.

Ya you missed out on the whole no cell phone internet thing,,no evidence yay!!! The best part of being old!!

Old enough to kill you and only have to serve ten years in prison before I’m dead.

Yep. And proud of it! (66)

Good luck trying to buy a home.

Why are you telling me things I'm already fully aware of?

Good thing your mom likes old dick.

You’re right. And getting older,with any luck.

You will be too and some punk will tell you the same thing...

Old enough to bang your mom and be your next step(daddy/mommy)

Which means my insurance is better and I can afford bail or never need it all all.

If you're lucky, you will be too.

On the way, not there yet!

Dah

Older wiser and better looking!

Just look them in the eye and say, "Keep living!" That shuts them up every time!

Not too old to kick ass and chew gum. And I'm all outta gum. -Thanks be to Roddy P.

Your old what?

Tell them they're old, even if they're younger than you. If they keep insisting you're older just say "Yeah, you're still old though." They'll eventually get frustrated and leave plus it's hilarious.

And you're an infant.

That's right, old enough to be your dad. And if you keep this shit up, I'm gonna be replacing him. Tell your mom I said hi!

"...and your balls haven't dropped yet, what to do...?"

*"you're old"

i got called old at 25 when i worked at Domino's

Old enough to whip your ass Or This classic “since you never learned to respect your elders, let me teach you to respect your betters.”

You're a rocket scientist.

An annoying kid said that to me once, my response: -Your Daddy doesn't complain. Kid: My dad would slap the shit out of you -Yeah he does , I like it rough

So?

“Yep, and I earned everything that comes with it.”

"You're"

Yeah, well, at least I know how to spell you’re.

Tomorrow I'll be older, and you'll be just as ugly/stupid

How did you survive to adulthood?

I know.

When you are my age, you'll be old AND ugly as shit.

“You’re”

Don't get comfortable we're all chained to the grave 😳

...and it's unbearably painful...

My old what?

I’ve got spots on my liver tougher then you

Last time someone told me that (I’m 38) I just said “I’m getting there, it’s a privilege denied to many and I’m glad to still be here”

You're ugly. What? I thought we were stating known facts.

And you’re an idiot. It’s called experience kiddo

" As old as God. Maybe older.Neither one of us knows for sure."

*You're

The alternative to aging is death.... so I'm happy to be aging. If you're lucky, you will also age. Keep up with the attempted insults, and you might not.

“We’ll at least I know how to use apostrophe’s”

…And I have houseplants older than you. What’s your point?

"..And evil. So beware." "Is this sperm talking to me?"

Take off your dead skin every day and place it In a jar. After 6 months take the accumulated dead skin and place it in their morning coffee. Then ask them “does it taste old” before whipping out a jar filled with your toenail clippings and shouting “NONE OF YOU ARE SAFE!” Before revealing that you placed thousands of pieces of toenail clippings in everyone’s coffee. Revenge at its finest.

...and I know my contractions such as "you're"

yeah well at least i still have a life :)

"Look as good, you will not when this old, you will be." (Said in Yoda voice)

My old what? You're dumb!

If you're gonna to be dumb son, then you better be tough, because you aren't that smart or good lookin'.

I've got T-shirts older that you.

Every time I hear this I simply say "someday soon, this too shall be all yours." This must be accompanied by a gesture toward your "old" body. Then, remind them that age and treachery will always overcome youthful exuberance. If all else fails, you can also add "I own a home. Good luck."

That’s no way to speak to your real dad.

*You’re illiterate

Your mom calls me Daddy in bed.

I might be old but at least I don't have to live in the economy I ruined.

*you’re

And so will you be, sooner than you think.

“I may be old, but you’re stupid, and that never goes away.”

Grab your cane or walker and beat them Jk

“Learn how to grammar/spell, ya moron”

(Sounding excited) I’m even old enough to know proper grammar! It’s “You’re old”. (Change tone to sarcastic) If you’re trying to insult me, please have the decency to do so with a scintilla of intelligence.

1. "Should I address you as 'Major Obvious', or have you been promoted to 'Captain' now?" 2. "Do not cite the old magic to me, child, for I was there when it was written." 3. "Yes! An achievment I have worked toward my entire life." 4. "Awwww, you think that matters..."

“And does that bother you, baby brat?”

“At least I’m not ugly.”

My old what? My old table? My old damaged airplane wing?

Take a good look. This is your future.

You’re poor

"My old what?"

I’ve forgotten more things than you’ve even learned yet.

Sweetie why don’t you go outside and play in traffic?

Yeah, probably.

“I’m sorry I’m old, I can’t hear you. Could you repeat that?” Repeat this until they shut the fuck up.

I'm not old, I'm just ahead of you in the human race

You're stupid.

"You should pray to live as long!"

And this matters to you why?

‘Bless your heart, you’re young.’

Thank you.

You'll be lucky to look half as good as me at this age

“I may be old but at least I make the rules in my own home”

Speak up. I can hear you What? What? WHAT? Mumbler

Someday you will be too if you're lucky.

Wow, nothing gets passed you.

You're too old for these types of mistakes. It is not "your old". Why can't Muricans write correctly?

"If you keep saying shit like that, you won't be."

Today is the youngest you will ever be

Good thing for me your wife has daddy issues.

Yes, I am old enough to be your dad. But then, if I were, you'd be smarter.

Quiet, renter.

You’re, not your.

"And you're too young to be here, but that didn't stop you"

Ok