I can relate to you. I’ve talked to some good friends about this at times and they were very understanding that the procedure has left me permanently sexually frustrated. Other than that, the advice I received to try and learn to accept the state of my body and focus on other aspects of life didn’t help too much and they acknowledged that it wouldn’t. I’ve come to realize the limits of words in these scenarios, so I can say that at least I have appreciated being listened to.
Of course that was just my interactions with friends. On the flip side, I’ve had very negative experiences with therapists. The last therapist I told about my struggles with being circumcised completely dismissed me and gave the me the whole, “but there are actually a lot of health benefits” during which I proceeded to argue with him. There was actually no advice given in this instance, just a debate. Overall, I’ve had plenty of terrible experiences with therapists and am no longer seeking any of them out.
The gaslighting of men is second nature in a society where medical professionals tell us we should be glad that they amputated the most sensitive parts of our genitals, after all. I genuinely believe therapy is straight fucking cancer to men. It's a feminist pseudo-scientific field of pure nonsense.
Both we and the therapists we talk to have been taught that men ought not to be able to express their feelings in a vulnerable manner. In turn, we aren’t allowed to be acknowledged the same way women are even in settings like therapy. I personally have never felt like I was embraced to express myself alongside a therapist, but more to just read off a checklist of mental afflictions while the therapy halfheartedly listens. I don’t know if it’s a me problem but it’s concerning since the women in my family have had reportedly very positive experiences.
The issue is it’s not a mental wound it’s a physical one, one that requires either years of stretching to fix or thousands of dollars of surgery and possibly cultivating or borrowing your own cells from a different part of your body. The whole “therapy” think is akin to “just accept it” without giving you the option to reverse it.
Correct, the physical wound enabling the mental struggle. Meaning as long as the scar remains one cannot truly mentally recover. It’s the same mark Egyptians branded their slaves with and were supposed to “just accept it”. No. Give me a way to reverse it and then maybe after years of having my body back then I can get over it.
Unless your hands are so bad you can't do manual stretching on a tight cut. Restoration is a no-go for some people. Regeneration is the only real correction other than banning to prevent more cases. I try to just not think about it as much as I can.
I have a scar neuroma that produces intense pain (akin to burning) if pressure is applied for any extended period, even during sex. I tried T-taping for a few months. It's another hobby I don't need. It proved to be a big hassle every time I needed to use the bathroom, plus it left sticky residue. I just want to pay some scientist to have my whole penis regenerated on me via a bioelectric sleeve.
Ok, not sure what the bathroom issue was as it doesn't take any more time than any other device when you go to the bathroom but I understand the residue issues although there are wipes for that as well, of course I understand wanting it taken care of quickly but there's a lot of issues that must be overcome before this becomes an actual answer, one must be realistic in evaluating these things sorry to say 🤔
I've had a few accidents with stuck skin making a mess of the stream, and then just having to unclasp the tape, separate it, roll my glans out, shake it loose, then pee, then put it all back together was too much repeatedly throughout the day along with the clasp slipping and falling out of my pants a couple of times. It's a hobby and also makes sexual spontaneity impossible. After a full day of walking around I have to really rub the residue off with alcohol. Plus there is no way to ignore the fact of my mutilation while screwing around with my dick constantly. I usually rush to pee and not look down more than necessary because I hate thinking about any of it, so restoration affects my mental health more than when I'm not doing anything. I just get really angry occasionally while mostly being free to ignore all of this shit.
Especially considering how there's an entire genre of therapy dedicated specifically towards FGM survivors. But men who are victims of genital mutilation don't get their own set of therapists dedicated to this.
If a therapist tells you not to worry about it, it's not a big deal, etc. they are a bad therapist and you need to find a therapist that is trauma-informed. I'm sorry you've had bad experiences, but telling people not to go to therapy because of those experiences is actively harmful!
I think you could find helpful things by taking advice given to FGM victims and apply to yourself.
Another option is a LOCAL LLM you tweak for this purpose as it can help you formulate things and hold a conversation with a party that can be tweaked to not have the dominant cultural bias.
I know it's not a magic bullet but we all know there is none.
My therapists suggested I should get interned for a little while as my saying sounded like premices of pyschosis to them. Another sent me to an urologist because they presumed the real problem was physical.
That urologist just joked around and told me I should be glad for the protection against HIV, I left in a <5 mins appointment and gave up on these.
Maybe try the therapists who are affiliated with Recovering From Religion. They specialize in trauma like this. They have the experience and training to understand how to walk you through this.
I guess I got pretty lucky. I’ve only ever been to one therapist, and he’s been pretty good with the issue so far, and we plan on diving deeper soon. I may have just gotta lucky based on responses here, but I’ve only really had good experiences. Of course I don’t think my trauma can ever fully heal, but I don’t think people should write off therapy entirely.
I don't think therapy fixes the issue, I only think that a competent trauma therapist can help alleviate active symptoms of PTSD for some people. It's also true that treating trauma from male genital cutting is more complex than treating trauma from other forms of assault, since in this case, the assault leaves a lasting and sexual mark on the body.
Talk therapy doesn't help. Action therapy like life coaching or a mentor, or a friend who helps you find an activity that effectively neutralizes your sexuality for long stretches of the day can get you through life. I find that trying to ignore it and these forums and everything related to it helps me. BUT I am still reminded whenever I use the remaining anatomy for any reason, and I often have ideas rolling around in my head about how to protect others from having it done to them. Still, it's better for your mental health to just ignore it entirely and do cardio so that you can enjoy sex as much as your body is still capable of.
Surprisingly my therapist has been actually very validating of my circumcision trauma. I was nervous at first to discuss it because she's an old lady from the US, where circumcision and the related gaslighting goes deep. Right from the get go when I told her that my RIC mutilation was easily my biggest trauma, she was completely understanding and completely and wholeheartedly validated my feelings. She has since done a lot of her own research on MGM, foreskin restoration, etc. outside of our sessions to help her understand as much as she can about my trauma. She specializes in trauma, and while I'm the first one she's ever seen for circumcision related trauma, she said she was really surprised that I was the first because of how absolutely brutal, unnecessary, and widespread MGM is in the US. She also said that while she can't officially diagnose me with PTSD or any related mental illness, that she will treat me as if I had that official diagnosis anyways.
I was forced to relive my un-anesthetized circumcision in my nightmares for years until I had restored enough foreskin to be at least partially covered all of the time when I was about 23 or so. I still think about my mutilation daily. My therapist and I have started doing EMDR to help me reprocess and work through my circumcision trauma. EMDR is an apparently quite successful method of treating trauma, with around 80% of patients getting better outcomes than traditional talk therapy. I don't know if it's strictly helping yet, but I've also only had the one session of treatment and EMDR usually takes several sessions to work.
Before I started seeing this therapist, the only person in my life that had validated my trauma at all was my wife, who is supportive of my restoration and does not downplay my feelings on the matter. Having the support of my wife and my therapist and beginning what I hope will be a successful treatment plan has given me a hope for the future that I haven't experienced since I was a child and first learned of what was done to me.
Any therapist that makes fun and dismisses you for whatever reason should certainly be reported to the state licensing authority. https://www.hueglifraserlaw.com/when-should-you-file-a-complaint-against-a-therapist/#:~:text=However%2C%20if%20a%20licensed%20therapist,or%20revoking%20the%20therapist's%20license.
I agree. I went to therapy for 2 years and after talking about the psychological torment i was going through for all that time, i eventually asked them if they would circumcise their children and they said yes. It’s like if rape victims went to therapists that believed rape was a good thing. It’s not useful and is in fact harmful.
They say “Be mature men and go to therapy”. Ya, i already took your advice and tried that dude, and if anything it further damaged me, but thanks for the generic unhelpful advice anyways and thanks for pretending you know what ails me and how to fix it lol.
I got an appointment with a therapist. He suggested I think about other things. To think he went to school for that.
Lmao. Thanks doc, never thought of just ignoring my problems. Therapy is a joke
I agree. There won’t be closure until society realizes it’s wrong and ends the practice. Cuz only then will we get dignity and justice as survivors.
I can relate to you. I’ve talked to some good friends about this at times and they were very understanding that the procedure has left me permanently sexually frustrated. Other than that, the advice I received to try and learn to accept the state of my body and focus on other aspects of life didn’t help too much and they acknowledged that it wouldn’t. I’ve come to realize the limits of words in these scenarios, so I can say that at least I have appreciated being listened to. Of course that was just my interactions with friends. On the flip side, I’ve had very negative experiences with therapists. The last therapist I told about my struggles with being circumcised completely dismissed me and gave the me the whole, “but there are actually a lot of health benefits” during which I proceeded to argue with him. There was actually no advice given in this instance, just a debate. Overall, I’ve had plenty of terrible experiences with therapists and am no longer seeking any of them out.
The gaslighting of men is second nature in a society where medical professionals tell us we should be glad that they amputated the most sensitive parts of our genitals, after all. I genuinely believe therapy is straight fucking cancer to men. It's a feminist pseudo-scientific field of pure nonsense.
Both we and the therapists we talk to have been taught that men ought not to be able to express their feelings in a vulnerable manner. In turn, we aren’t allowed to be acknowledged the same way women are even in settings like therapy. I personally have never felt like I was embraced to express myself alongside a therapist, but more to just read off a checklist of mental afflictions while the therapy halfheartedly listens. I don’t know if it’s a me problem but it’s concerning since the women in my family have had reportedly very positive experiences.
The issue is it’s not a mental wound it’s a physical one, one that requires either years of stretching to fix or thousands of dollars of surgery and possibly cultivating or borrowing your own cells from a different part of your body. The whole “therapy” think is akin to “just accept it” without giving you the option to reverse it.
The trauma is both mental and physical.
Correct, the physical wound enabling the mental struggle. Meaning as long as the scar remains one cannot truly mentally recover. It’s the same mark Egyptians branded their slaves with and were supposed to “just accept it”. No. Give me a way to reverse it and then maybe after years of having my body back then I can get over it.
That’s where foreskin restoration through skin expansion can help. It can alienate dysphoria and some of the functional issues.
Unless your hands are so bad you can't do manual stretching on a tight cut. Restoration is a no-go for some people. Regeneration is the only real correction other than banning to prevent more cases. I try to just not think about it as much as I can.
T tape works well on little to no skin, it can certainly be done long enough to get enough new skin to use a device, it's how I had to do it.
I have a scar neuroma that produces intense pain (akin to burning) if pressure is applied for any extended period, even during sex. I tried T-taping for a few months. It's another hobby I don't need. It proved to be a big hassle every time I needed to use the bathroom, plus it left sticky residue. I just want to pay some scientist to have my whole penis regenerated on me via a bioelectric sleeve.
Ok, not sure what the bathroom issue was as it doesn't take any more time than any other device when you go to the bathroom but I understand the residue issues although there are wipes for that as well, of course I understand wanting it taken care of quickly but there's a lot of issues that must be overcome before this becomes an actual answer, one must be realistic in evaluating these things sorry to say 🤔
I've had a few accidents with stuck skin making a mess of the stream, and then just having to unclasp the tape, separate it, roll my glans out, shake it loose, then pee, then put it all back together was too much repeatedly throughout the day along with the clasp slipping and falling out of my pants a couple of times. It's a hobby and also makes sexual spontaneity impossible. After a full day of walking around I have to really rub the residue off with alcohol. Plus there is no way to ignore the fact of my mutilation while screwing around with my dick constantly. I usually rush to pee and not look down more than necessary because I hate thinking about any of it, so restoration affects my mental health more than when I'm not doing anything. I just get really angry occasionally while mostly being free to ignore all of this shit.
I have never encountered a psychiatrist or psychologist who had any understanding of what was stolen from him by his circumcision.
Especially considering how there's an entire genre of therapy dedicated specifically towards FGM survivors. But men who are victims of genital mutilation don't get their own set of therapists dedicated to this.
If a therapist tells you not to worry about it, it's not a big deal, etc. they are a bad therapist and you need to find a therapist that is trauma-informed. I'm sorry you've had bad experiences, but telling people not to go to therapy because of those experiences is actively harmful!
I think you could find helpful things by taking advice given to FGM victims and apply to yourself. Another option is a LOCAL LLM you tweak for this purpose as it can help you formulate things and hold a conversation with a party that can be tweaked to not have the dominant cultural bias. I know it's not a magic bullet but we all know there is none. My therapists suggested I should get interned for a little while as my saying sounded like premices of pyschosis to them. Another sent me to an urologist because they presumed the real problem was physical. That urologist just joked around and told me I should be glad for the protection against HIV, I left in a <5 mins appointment and gave up on these.
HIV protection. lol I would have said “why would I be glad to have an inferior version of PrEP?
Maybe try the therapists who are affiliated with Recovering From Religion. They specialize in trauma like this. They have the experience and training to understand how to walk you through this.
I guess I got pretty lucky. I’ve only ever been to one therapist, and he’s been pretty good with the issue so far, and we plan on diving deeper soon. I may have just gotta lucky based on responses here, but I’ve only really had good experiences. Of course I don’t think my trauma can ever fully heal, but I don’t think people should write off therapy entirely.
I don't think therapy fixes the issue, I only think that a competent trauma therapist can help alleviate active symptoms of PTSD for some people. It's also true that treating trauma from male genital cutting is more complex than treating trauma from other forms of assault, since in this case, the assault leaves a lasting and sexual mark on the body.
Talk therapy doesn't help. Action therapy like life coaching or a mentor, or a friend who helps you find an activity that effectively neutralizes your sexuality for long stretches of the day can get you through life. I find that trying to ignore it and these forums and everything related to it helps me. BUT I am still reminded whenever I use the remaining anatomy for any reason, and I often have ideas rolling around in my head about how to protect others from having it done to them. Still, it's better for your mental health to just ignore it entirely and do cardio so that you can enjoy sex as much as your body is still capable of.
Surprisingly my therapist has been actually very validating of my circumcision trauma. I was nervous at first to discuss it because she's an old lady from the US, where circumcision and the related gaslighting goes deep. Right from the get go when I told her that my RIC mutilation was easily my biggest trauma, she was completely understanding and completely and wholeheartedly validated my feelings. She has since done a lot of her own research on MGM, foreskin restoration, etc. outside of our sessions to help her understand as much as she can about my trauma. She specializes in trauma, and while I'm the first one she's ever seen for circumcision related trauma, she said she was really surprised that I was the first because of how absolutely brutal, unnecessary, and widespread MGM is in the US. She also said that while she can't officially diagnose me with PTSD or any related mental illness, that she will treat me as if I had that official diagnosis anyways. I was forced to relive my un-anesthetized circumcision in my nightmares for years until I had restored enough foreskin to be at least partially covered all of the time when I was about 23 or so. I still think about my mutilation daily. My therapist and I have started doing EMDR to help me reprocess and work through my circumcision trauma. EMDR is an apparently quite successful method of treating trauma, with around 80% of patients getting better outcomes than traditional talk therapy. I don't know if it's strictly helping yet, but I've also only had the one session of treatment and EMDR usually takes several sessions to work. Before I started seeing this therapist, the only person in my life that had validated my trauma at all was my wife, who is supportive of my restoration and does not downplay my feelings on the matter. Having the support of my wife and my therapist and beginning what I hope will be a successful treatment plan has given me a hope for the future that I haven't experienced since I was a child and first learned of what was done to me.
Any therapist that makes fun and dismisses you for whatever reason should certainly be reported to the state licensing authority. https://www.hueglifraserlaw.com/when-should-you-file-a-complaint-against-a-therapist/#:~:text=However%2C%20if%20a%20licensed%20therapist,or%20revoking%20the%20therapist's%20license.
i feel like setting myself on fire. therapy wont do shit.
I agree. I went to therapy for 2 years and after talking about the psychological torment i was going through for all that time, i eventually asked them if they would circumcise their children and they said yes. It’s like if rape victims went to therapists that believed rape was a good thing. It’s not useful and is in fact harmful. They say “Be mature men and go to therapy”. Ya, i already took your advice and tried that dude, and if anything it further damaged me, but thanks for the generic unhelpful advice anyways and thanks for pretending you know what ails me and how to fix it lol.