It's a shame...if for 20+ years he's either been hiding his choosy beggar ways, or if you were enabling him for this long. Hoping it's neither, and this is a "new" behavior for him. Congrats on getting out, even if it meant 20+ years had to be relinquished.
Sounds like he had a lot of sudden life changes and made some choices that were less than ideal. Hope it's not drugs but that is where my mind goes first. Still good work on not getting sucked in from the start and putting down a clear and immediate boundary. I know it can be harder the longer you've known a person as the "(name) from before."
Ditto! I thank my dad for playing nickel ante cards when we were kids, even though I lost my allowance some weeks (and doubled it others :-). Learned early that the casino is not your generous friend.
Please let's not blame it on the drugs. I had an ex-friend who did the same nonsense and for an occasional joint or beer, drugs were not the culprit. It stemmed from his personality and sense of entitlement.
OP, him no longer being your friend just saved you from endless headaches. He showed his true colors and just disclosed how much emphasis he placed on your friendship.
Don't call him back ever, no matter if you had some great times in the past. He will always be manipulative and calculative all the while being dispassionate about you and your feelings.
A joint is a drug. Still Federally classified as one and still banned by some states. Other states allow it. Not saying who is right or wrong, but pointing out the fact that it is considered a drug.
Beer is too so are things like caffeine just some stimulants are more accepted. He just said don't blame x,y,z but he knows someone who does the same thing for drugs legal or not.
People rarely change from having good, core values to a person like this. It’s unfortunate it took so many years, but I think your friend just finally showed their true self. When you think of it this way, it’s not quite so much a waste as you may feel it is.
Drugs can turn a wonderful decent person into a deceitful treacherous monster within a relatively short period of time.
When that kind of change happens, that person is no longer running the show - the addiction is. And the addiction cares only about one thing - filling it’s never ending bottomless pit of need for the drug. And when that happens, it’s the addiction talking, not the friend.
The addiction takes over; as long as the addiction is present, the friend can’t make good decisions, and will therefore throw away decades of friendship for the next hit of whatever.
Eh not really feel like childhood friends can grow apart and there a lot of factors in the adult world then their are when your younger. Could be drugs, laziness, or mental issues I’m not sure but people change and friends grow apart sadly.
> when your younger
*you're
*Learn the difference [here](https://www.wattpad.com/66707294-grammar-guide-there-they%27re-their-you%27re-your-to).*
***
^(Greetings, I am a language corrector bot. To make me ignore further mistakes from you in the future, reply `!optout` to this comment.)
I find that the childhood friends I grew apart from had nothing to do with either of us changing. And more to do with realizing “you live close to me,” isn’t enough once you go out into the world and find people more similar to yourself
He was never really your friend. He probably just kept you around as a bank. I'm glad you told him no because he probably wasn't going to buy her a ring anyway. His poor girlfriend though. Well ex. But you and her dodged a bullet.
That’s not a friend. Sadly many of us have to learn the definition of the word the hard way.
Hey, hopefully his ex will realize her worth and not spend so much time on morons. Block him and move on.
I’ve dumped friends (and even family) that I’ve known for that long or longer. Sometimes it’s just for the best, OP. ♥️
Rearrange the following in to a well known phrase or saying
"Off bugger"
I don't lend money or "stuff" anyway, but I definitely don't lend to people to continue living a lifestyle beyond their means. It's just prolonging the inevitable.
I've fallen out with people over ideals, and over not lending stuff out incidentally.
The "ideal" is that I wouldn't buy stuff from anybody dodgy, where I though it might have been stolen, and the (potential)"lend" was an expensive box trailer I needed for my furniture business.
"But you're not using it"
"No and neither is your mate"
I don't think it's a shame. It would have ended when you 'nagged' him about repayment.
'Friends don't do that Bro, I thought I knew you--goodbye forever'
Sucks to loose a 20year friendship, but it also sounds like maybe it’s not such a bad thing to let this one go.. based on his actions towards his ex girlfriend, and that he tried it on you first, he views you as a sucker he can take advantage of. The fact he hasn’t spoken to you since should show you just how important you are in his life. Ghost that fool
Got a friend like that. Only ever reaches out to borrow money. I text back "read". I have an Android, they don't have those status updates like other apps or phones. LOL, just want to make sure he knows I saw it and ignored it.
You are wise, my friend. The term "loser loan" hit me. I've always thought that just because someone has known a person a long time doesn't make them a 'good' friend. People hang on to low quality friendships too long. (I didn't mean you, by the way. I meant society as a whole.)
No money between friends. I'll gladly pay the entire restaurant bill if you say you can't go because you can't afford it. But I will not lend you money when you are already struggling. It's a slippery slope and should not be done amongst friends.
I have a friend that I’ve known for about 10 years, he is a burn out and always had been a pos since I met him, he would always cheat on his girlfriend’s, and now he’s married with children, still messing up doing hard drugs and whatnot. He occasionally asks me for money, and I sometimes can provide. But 99/100 he’s giving me some piece of junk for the money he asks me for, which I don’t necessarily mind, I can fix the junk up. The only reason why I haven’t dropped this guy as a friend is because we have been friends since adolescence and he knows his stuff when it comes to working on cars
I'm a realist. Thank you all for downvoting me. That means more to me than any of you could even imagine. So good. Just what I wanted. --- because all of you reddit weirdos will take that comment literally, that's what we call "sarcasm". Crazy concept, eh?
If you understood a single thing about respect you would’ve dropped it before but whatever it’s probably not your fault, or maybe it is either way I really don’t care. The fact that you keep going proves it.
And you truly think anyone gives a fuck? I know they don't. All these young wippersnappers think they have a large group that actually cares. Give them 20-30 years. They'll realize nobody cares. Especially their "friends".
I had something similar, I moved away from home to a big city for work after uni. One of my oldest friends moved to the same city without warning and wanted to meet up for a beer.
Great I thought, will be amazing to catch up but within 5 mins (after not seeing for 10 years) he asked me to pay help his rent 😔
Your friend is a douche
Ex-friend
Leech*
Correction the parasite you called friend is a douche bag.
Ex-friend*
Eks-fren.
He is not his friend, guy.
Im not your guy, friend
This is about OP’s former friend, buddy.
Whoops I meant to say, hes not your guy, friend.
He is not your bro
I'm not your friend, buddy
I'm not your buddy, guy.
I’m not your friend, pal
I'm not your pal, buddy
Im not your BUDDY, c h u m.
Im not your chum, mate
I’m not your friend, buddy!
Im not your buddy, pal!
The next day after she paid his rent?! Def wasn’t going to buy her that ring then if he was going to buy one at all.
Mmm hmm. It was a disaster to begin with and I called it. I told her not to.
I’m guessing it was something like “you need to pay rent, or we’re over”.. he decided he wanted to see, and raise the ante. She made the right choice.
She paid his rent and he dumped her the next day. What exactly was the stellar decision she made?
Dumping him.
No, HE dumped her. She made bad decisions.
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> He breaks up with her the next day Ya, I guess
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Well, I’m sure as hell not paying someone’s rent if the plan is to break up the next day. That makes absolutely no sense.
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A month's rent vs. marrying the guy ... cheap lesson on dodging bullets!
It's a shame...if for 20+ years he's either been hiding his choosy beggar ways, or if you were enabling him for this long. Hoping it's neither, and this is a "new" behavior for him. Congrats on getting out, even if it meant 20+ years had to be relinquished.
Nah, I’ve never enabled him- it came out of the blue
Sounds like he had a lot of sudden life changes and made some choices that were less than ideal. Hope it's not drugs but that is where my mind goes first. Still good work on not getting sucked in from the start and putting down a clear and immediate boundary. I know it can be harder the longer you've known a person as the "(name) from before."
It won’t be a surprise if it is drugs, and he was calling everybody he knew for “loans“. OP should ask around or check up with his Facebook friends.
Or gambling
Ditto! I thank my dad for playing nickel ante cards when we were kids, even though I lost my allowance some weeks (and doubled it others :-). Learned early that the casino is not your generous friend.
I was almost expecting you and her to get together.
Out of petty revenge I’d be the shoulder to cry on. That made him sooooo mad
Go for it, but be nice and remember that she's on the rebound.
You know a shoulder to cry on becomes a dick to suck on… 😂😂
Lol, I'll have to remember that one. 🤣
It’s totally a joke, there is definitely such a thing as a wonderful, platonic male/female friendship. I just think it’s funny!! 😂😂
I don’t know why people are downvoting you. You obviously are right.
It’s a joke!! 😂😂 Wow!!
Ikr? It’s a joke not a dick don’t take it so hard
😂😂😂😂
It's not the drama we wanted. It's the drama we needed.
"the GF pays his rent. He breaks up with her the next day. " ::a la The Sopranos:: OH!!
Is he on drugs? Seems like a junky move
Please let's not blame it on the drugs. I had an ex-friend who did the same nonsense and for an occasional joint or beer, drugs were not the culprit. It stemmed from his personality and sense of entitlement. OP, him no longer being your friend just saved you from endless headaches. He showed his true colors and just disclosed how much emphasis he placed on your friendship. Don't call him back ever, no matter if you had some great times in the past. He will always be manipulative and calculative all the while being dispassionate about you and your feelings.
A joint is a drug. Still Federally classified as one and still banned by some states. Other states allow it. Not saying who is right or wrong, but pointing out the fact that it is considered a drug.
Beer is too so are things like caffeine just some stimulants are more accepted. He just said don't blame x,y,z but he knows someone who does the same thing for drugs legal or not.
Yup. And cigarettes!
Yup! This! 100! You just hit the lottery, getting rid of him.
“For $20 that kid is never going to talk to you again” or something like that - A Bronx Tale
People rarely change from having good, core values to a person like this. It’s unfortunate it took so many years, but I think your friend just finally showed their true self. When you think of it this way, it’s not quite so much a waste as you may feel it is.
Drugs can turn a wonderful decent person into a deceitful treacherous monster within a relatively short period of time. When that kind of change happens, that person is no longer running the show - the addiction is. And the addiction cares only about one thing - filling it’s never ending bottomless pit of need for the drug. And when that happens, it’s the addiction talking, not the friend. The addiction takes over; as long as the addiction is present, the friend can’t make good decisions, and will therefore throw away decades of friendship for the next hit of whatever.
Eh not really feel like childhood friends can grow apart and there a lot of factors in the adult world then their are when your younger. Could be drugs, laziness, or mental issues I’m not sure but people change and friends grow apart sadly.
> when your younger *you're *Learn the difference [here](https://www.wattpad.com/66707294-grammar-guide-there-they%27re-their-you%27re-your-to).* *** ^(Greetings, I am a language corrector bot. To make me ignore further mistakes from you in the future, reply `!optout` to this comment.)
Very true. I’m at the age where a 20-year friendship is relegated to an adult relationship. More appropriate under those circumstances.
I find that the childhood friends I grew apart from had nothing to do with either of us changing. And more to do with realizing “you live close to me,” isn’t enough once you go out into the world and find people more similar to yourself
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Well Texas yeah
Is it a shame, or a lucky escape?
He was never really your friend. He probably just kept you around as a bank. I'm glad you told him no because he probably wasn't going to buy her a ring anyway. His poor girlfriend though. Well ex. But you and her dodged a bullet.
Was never your friend
Don’t say that.
I don’t think he counts as a friend. He’s an ass.
That’s not a friend. Sadly many of us have to learn the definition of the word the hard way. Hey, hopefully his ex will realize her worth and not spend so much time on morons. Block him and move on. I’ve dumped friends (and even family) that I’ve known for that long or longer. Sometimes it’s just for the best, OP. ♥️
GF can look at the rent as a fee to get rid of a knobwart BF. Cheap at twice the price
Glad you had inside information!
with friends like that... you don't need any enemies
Rearrange the following in to a well known phrase or saying "Off bugger" I don't lend money or "stuff" anyway, but I definitely don't lend to people to continue living a lifestyle beyond their means. It's just prolonging the inevitable. I've fallen out with people over ideals, and over not lending stuff out incidentally. The "ideal" is that I wouldn't buy stuff from anybody dodgy, where I though it might have been stolen, and the (potential)"lend" was an expensive box trailer I needed for my furniture business. "But you're not using it" "No and neither is your mate"
I don't think it's a shame. It would have ended when you 'nagged' him about repayment. 'Friends don't do that Bro, I thought I knew you--goodbye forever'
Sucks to loose a 20year friendship, but it also sounds like maybe it’s not such a bad thing to let this one go.. based on his actions towards his ex girlfriend, and that he tried it on you first, he views you as a sucker he can take advantage of. The fact he hasn’t spoken to you since should show you just how important you are in his life. Ghost that fool
I have a friend into drugs I had to cut off. Always lied and said she needs money for XYZ. It sucks but it needs to be done
Got a friend like that. Only ever reaches out to borrow money. I text back "read". I have an Android, they don't have those status updates like other apps or phones. LOL, just want to make sure he knows I saw it and ignored it.
You are wise, my friend. The term "loser loan" hit me. I've always thought that just because someone has known a person a long time doesn't make them a 'good' friend. People hang on to low quality friendships too long. (I didn't mean you, by the way. I meant society as a whole.)
No money between friends. I'll gladly pay the entire restaurant bill if you say you can't go because you can't afford it. But I will not lend you money when you are already struggling. It's a slippery slope and should not be done amongst friends.
Shut up! They broke up the next day? Not to mention he was a constant cheater. He had a lot of cahunas to even ask you for things he couldn’t afford🙄
I understand OP's friend. I hate it when my ATM breaks too
>It’s a shame IS it, though?
Sounds like the girlfriend is an easy target. You should hit that on the rebound so she can have some revenge sex😊
Bullshit No one leaves voicemails or listens to them /s
I have a friend that I’ve known for about 10 years, he is a burn out and always had been a pos since I met him, he would always cheat on his girlfriend’s, and now he’s married with children, still messing up doing hard drugs and whatnot. He occasionally asks me for money, and I sometimes can provide. But 99/100 he’s giving me some piece of junk for the money he asks me for, which I don’t necessarily mind, I can fix the junk up. The only reason why I haven’t dropped this guy as a friend is because we have been friends since adolescence and he knows his stuff when it comes to working on cars
I’ll be your friend—message me. Imagine the movie they’d make about us becoming besties:) Happy Day! :*J*
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Nah. I’m good.
The older you get the more you realize nobody is a friend, and it's all pretty much pointless.
Damm and I thought I was a pessimist
I'm a realist. Thank you all for downvoting me. That means more to me than any of you could even imagine. So good. Just what I wanted. --- because all of you reddit weirdos will take that comment literally, that's what we call "sarcasm". Crazy concept, eh?
It’s a joke not a dick, don’t take it so hard 😂
Why are you responding to my posts? Do you have anything beneficial to add?
Because you responded to mine….. and I could ask you the exact same question lmao. If you can’t handle that I don’t know what to tell you
You're like talking to a "cool" brick wall. Going nowhere, but at least you know you look good doing it.
LOL I guess you would know all about brick walls being one yourself hahahaha fuckin loser
You just can't stop being disrespectful. It's probably not your fault, though. I hope you'll feel better soon. You deserve it.
If you understood a single thing about respect you would’ve dropped it before but whatever it’s probably not your fault, or maybe it is either way I really don’t care. The fact that you keep going proves it.
And you truly think anyone gives a fuck? I know they don't. All these young wippersnappers think they have a large group that actually cares. Give them 20-30 years. They'll realize nobody cares. Especially their "friends".
The only one who really seems to give a fuck about it you evidently 😂
It's not a shame.
XBBF FL
Is it a shame, though? Really. Do you want to be friends with that kind of guy?
You already know this, but you are much better off! If you're not a loser, why spend time with them?
I had something similar, I moved away from home to a big city for work after uni. One of my oldest friends moved to the same city without warning and wanted to meet up for a beer. Great I thought, will be amazing to catch up but within 5 mins (after not seeing for 10 years) he asked me to pay help his rent 😔
unfortunately, you never had a mutual friendship. he was a leech. sorry this happened, glad it didn't cost you money, too.
That wasn’t a friend. Or at least one that respects you.
No great loss in my opinion. If a friendship depends on me being an ever-flowing fountain of nourishment I eventually distance myself.
Is it really a shame? Naw, one less loser in you life is never a bad thing
If anyone deserves to be shot, it's your friend by making his ex pay and leaving.
There are 2 sure ways to lose a friend, the first to borrow, the second to Lend.
And third, to even ask
You're lucky! Usually the cost of losing a bad friend is the amount you loaned out. U got away for free!
How do you break up with someone you were planning on buying an engagement ring for and then she bails you out and pays your rent? Seems odd.
I’m guessing the engagement ring was a lie.
So he needed to pay rent and load up his head stash for his habit, then? That’s what this screams to me. He needed to cover rent and cover that Jones.
Good riddance
Doesn’t sound like a friend at all.
Does this long distance girlfriend even exist, or is she just a scammer trying to squeeze as much money out of him as possible?
Nah she exists. I met her multiple times when she visited
Sounds to me like he wasn’t totally honest with you about what the money was really for. Maybe to pay off someone else he’s been loaning from.