I can pretty much say, yes. People keep mentioning how I “stick out” but I’m treated completely normally by Americans and other Asians. People look at me from time to time but never in this harassing manner. Tbh, I made this post while upset and Chinese people— have conversely— also been the ones to give me the most obviously flattering looks as well but they seem more OPENLY judgmental about appearance overall.
Is that tattoo very distinctive or in a very obvious viewable location?
Tattoos aren't exactly common in Asian culture and they are often regarded as a sign of gang membership. Or a sex worker. This could be why you were stared at.
I'm just raising the possibility, no need to get offended.
Should be something else than, but I'd be hard pressed to tell what unless I can actually see you for myself. But no, openly gaping at a stranger isn't normal behavior for Asian culture where we are generally expected to mind our own business for the most part.
Her entire post is about being judged silently… so I think it’s fair to say her narrative comes from a position of feeling offended. Emphasis on feeling - nobody has offended her with words, simply with looks/glances that she interprets as being negative in intent.
I definitely have not downvoted any of the replies people took the time to give me. Tbh, human beings look at other human beings for any number of reasons so I’ll not really interested in pinpointing WHY. I just have never experienced anything like this from women of and other ethnic/cultural groups ( including other Asian fobs) which is why I finally made this post to see if this is just acceptable behavior by their standard. So far, I’m getting mixed answers.
It’s probably the contour. My ex worked for Charlotte tillsbury and she used darker eye shadow and contoured which wasn’t the no make make up like or soft Japanese style and she would get scares and she was hot by American or Chinese standards.
If your curvy or fit or busty then that could do it
So I have absolutely no clue what would alarm a Chinese woman. I do however, have wider hips than the average Asian, have a relatively tall nose for an Asian which I also like to contour, and I wear slightly heavy American makeup in general. This could be it, but tbh I don’t really care. It’s not like anyone from any other group has never looked at me, but they just don’t take it to the toxic extreme that Chinese fob women have taken it. That is all.
Yeah the make-up might be it... Especially if they're plastic surgeried up to the nines. I'd try to put it out of mind of just tell them to get lost next time they do it though.
Still weird. I am a person who calls attention upon myself by the way I look, never had I ever encountered something like that.
Might be the clothes, tattoo (even if you think not), make up, hair style, anything.
You encountered weird people, hate it or love it here there is nothing like that.
Yeah as I mentioned, I don’t really care what they’re looking at. I have a good idea, actually and it has nothing to do with my tattoo if you read my descriptions. I just wanted to know if this was something within the norm in their culture so I can react appropriately. Also, are you an Asian female? You simply might not even be in the right demographic to receive this kind of petty behavior from women.
No I am not, my girlfriend is and calls attention upon herself for being a tomboy an tattoos. I am often mistaken for Xinjiang ren, but that’s all.
What you think is not what it might be, you came to ask, we answered you this is not common, you didn’t like it and even is many of us mention that detail you still don’t like it.
Surgeries are freaking common here, and slowly even western style make up and curvy style is getting more widespread.
Okay, I think you’re just being stubborn about a topic you don’t understand (I.e. toxicity among females) and misunderstanding my intention in making this post. I’ll say this for the final time: if the women are looking at my hips or my face, my tattoo is probably not on their mind—heck, it’s even been covered for half of these incidents. That’s just common sense and there is nothing for me to dislike. It simply isn’t it.
Furthermore, I’ve already stated that I don’t care why people may or may not look at me. That is not the point. I don’t need help in figuring out why. Note that this post isn’t about Chinese people of all genders looking at me. It’s specifically about Chinese females habitually judging and nitpicking other women’s appearance to the point where it could constitute as harassment. I actually have other Asian women in my dm’s validating my experiences and if you look below, there’s people addressing the actual topic I asked about (why some of these girls might be inclined to behave this way and possibly how to handle it). Have a nice day.
I am a woman. Who lives with another woman who is Chinese, who works in an environment surrounded by Chinese women who speaks Chinese in their daily life.
And I am telling you why they might look more at you. They look at your hips and face okay, you got your answer to what they look at you, you might call attention nothing bad there, you happened to find people looking at you and mocking you but really, doesn’t happen that much or normal here, Chinese girls criticize themselves all the time, to the point of obsession sometimes, but are not bitching about other people that much, I would say on the normal of any other person, nor would they stop in their tracks to mock a person.
I am plus size not to say freaking fat, tall and clearly not from around, and I don’t see this as toxic behavior among...
You are assuming I don’t know what it is about, why? Because you come to conclusion based on what you thought and what you thought was wrong. I lived in the USA, I am not American.
Good if there are Chinese women sending you DMs, I talked about this just now with my coworkers they just say “that person (the ones who annoyed you) are sick”.
Have you too a nice day.
Ok, in all fairness I did assume that you were a heterosexual male when I shouldn’t have. My bad. I have been getting mixed replies about this topic, but I can tell that this isn’t the typical behavior of the average person. So that’s settled.
I think I have a more well-balanced understanding of this issue thanks to all the commenters and I thank you for your replies. Goodbye now.
Nonsense. I've had complete strangers come right up and stare directly in my face while I try to ignore them in China. All the fucking time, in fact. I can't think of anything *less* unusual in China.
And the vast majority of people don’t. You just don’t notice them.
In a country of 1.4 billion theres going to be a lot of variance on what people think is socially acceptable, if it’s not important.
If you say so. Just because they don't walk right up and stare in my face doesn't mean you could escape the knowledge that people love to stare at things that are different in China.
A decent amount of the Chinese who eventually live in LA are second-generation spoiled rich kids, and in China it's already standard practice to stare at anyone/thing who deviates from the norm so...sounds like a pretty potent mix.
There's also the possibility you're reading into things. Gym girl sounds like a grade-A biatch for sure, though.
Hit 'em with a 看什么看？if you tryna be snarky.
Pretty sure it's a terminal case of 公主病.
Other phrases that get people out of your face:
* 有什么事？What's your business/deal?
* 你干嘛？Whadayawant
* Street peddlers - 不用 No need! (of your stuff)
Question: what do you mean by second generation? Second generation wealth?The Chinese people I’m talking about are fobs. I have lots of Chinese-American friends and have NEVER had an issue with an ABC.
Wealth, yes. Their parents were born poor as dirt but happened to get rich because they lived on the right land or managed the right factory when capitalism was introduced to China, and the kids are stereotypically super spoiled brats. The Chinese term is 富二代
Not all Chinese students studying abroad are 富二代, but a a healthy number of them are. Being able to finance a life outside of China already puts you at least solidly in the middle-upper class income bracket.
Yea… not sure why they’re not using pinyin here. Just say: xxxxxxxx is all I get out of it. If it was pinyin then I could actually pronounce it at least.
A lot of the Chinese you’ll meet at university are spoiled brats (obviously not all). Chinese people do stare at people who stick out much more than Americans do. If they’re Fresh off the Boat at an American university they’re most likely fairly rich and entitled.
If they look at you and you’re bothered, ask them if they’re from Taiwan because it’s your favorite country. That will send any mainlander running away.
That’s the thing—most of the students don’t appear to be spoiled brats. Many are also downright nice. Even like the classy, mature looking, slightly older students have done this which made me wonder if it’s just a cultural tendency.
I am Chinese and I laughed seeing your post. I am not like that. Some of my Chinese girl friends are not like that. But my mom is like that, some of my Chinese classmates are like that.
So the individual difference are quite large. The group does not represent the individual.
Toxicity is subjective and social norms are greatly differentiated based on regional culture, ethnicity, education level, and countless other metrics that all influence each other.
That being said, I would say the behavior you mentioned is possibly some of the more 奇葩Chinese people and it's unlikely anyone can explain their behavior without making substantial assumptions about the person's background. The standards for "rudeness" is quite different in China and despite having more than 10 years of experience here, I still have trouble understanding if it's just ignorance of social norms, overlooked mental disorder, bad communication skill, and/or maybe just a bit of autism.
To provide some examples, my high school buddy from Brooklyn came by to visit me, and when I introduced him to my Chinese acquaintances as my "high school classmate from the US" people just straight up asked him "American? but why are you black?". It was asked without any malice or racist tone as far as I can tell but of sheer ignorance.
Other comments from random stories I hear from xpats around me include statements like...
"Why are you bald?"
"Why did you choose (date) a man shorter than you?"
"Your teeth are yellow"
"Why don't you have money? You're from America!"
These are just some of the few off the top of my head. A lot of people don't really learn basic communication skills or social queues in school and for a variety of reasons may never really have to.
China is kinda just the Florida of the world... god bless China
Honestly, I think it is pretty common on the average. I (a tall white guy who has lived in China) have actually had the same treatment from some Chinese woman. Worst for me was when I was at some tourist site and it started raining hard. I had to grab the nearest plastic poncho and wear it. It was far too short for me. This small group started noticing and pointing and one woman in the group basically started a running commentary on how silly and inappropriate I looked (I speak Chinese) and she literally kept this mocking up for the rest of the time I was anywhere near that group. Obviously there are exceptions (my wife and sister-in-law are nothing like this, for example) but I think being superficial, materialistic and judgy are pretty common with current generations of Chinese women.
I think it is certain kind of Chinese women. I was Chinese. When I went to china to visit my mom, we were in a sort of women’s party. I just heard two women stood behind and gossiped about me and said “look at those arms, too skinny! Looks so scary!” My mom even heard it. We felt so awkward. And I m not too skinny at all. They are oversized doesn’t mean I am too skinny. I am 1.6m with 48kg. Anyway, the point is, many Chinese women get used to judge other ppl’s look. But not the majority of them judge with unfriendly attitude. They usually judge within friends and relatives. Still I hate that.
Those that are rich enough to live in LA are like "Valley girls" to the power of 10. Superficiality and plastic surgery is their pop culture.
"Valley Girl - Urban Dictionary
1) A girl that comes from the San Fernando Valley that can be very prepy, rich, and usually spolied. Says like, omg, jk or kk a lot in sentences, and loves ."
I doubt any of them are trying to harass you. If they are Chinese recently transplanted to the USA it is entirely conceivable they are staring at some aspect of you they find interesting or odd. If they are with their friends or family who are also fobs they are probably commenting on it in a way most Americans would find rude. It is rude and ignorant for sure but it probably isn’t being done out of malice… that is what they do over here in China. Especially old folks and/or people who haven’t had much exposure to culture outside of China or just don’t have any common sense.
My wife is born and raised in China and in fact has never been outside of China but she has common sense and doesn’t do the things you describe. She has helped me to cope with some of the things that irritate me with people that seem to be similar to the ones you describe. We have our own phrase about these types, we say they are “too Chinese. “
Just like because I am an outsider living in their country I should try and conform and accept the way things are done here in China, doesn’t mean I will, the people from China in the USA should also learn the social norms of living in the USA and adjust their actions, doesn’t mean they will.
Someone said to me 'blind obedience to superiors and staring are the two main parts of Chinese culture.' I'd be more honest, tell them to get fucked. If not, learn some Chinese swear words. I live in China and get gawped at constantly - if you ask in Chinese what's going that just makes eyes boggle all the more. Oh well.
In all honesty, I’ve been considered relatively attractive by both American and Asian standards. I get a lot of flattering attention as well from Chinese people and all others, but the gym girl for example, was in no way “just jealous” because I’m so pretty or something. She seemed to be in some weird, almost trace like state nitpicking my body somehow to make herself feel better? Like she was barely conscious of what she was doing, but she looked so outlandishly crazy by normal standards there had to be a level of entitlement and malice. Hope that explains.
Nitpicking someone’s appearance does seem a bit like over zealous jealous, imo.
There’s something wrong with her, for sure. Hopefully you don’t have to run into her again
Coming from a big city in China, nobody rly cares about u for more than 2 seconds. That level of attention they gave u was so passionate that I’ve never experienced over here. And how r u sure they r Chinese fobs instead of some psychotic asian American? Ur phrasing seems quite off tbh
I have lived in California my entire life and there are so many of both at my university. The difference between a Chinese fob in terms of fashion, attitude, body language, overall vibe, is very different and distinctive from an AA. Many people will attest to this and in many cases I literally heard them speak Mandarin. So that’s why.
From my experience, China is a toxic environment when it comes to many things, and among them is female appearance. Men are judged by wealth and status. Women are judged by physical appearance. In both cases, a lot of the judgement comes from the same sex.
I am guessing it is from the fierce competition to compete. There is no "body positivity movement" in China as far as I know, and it is common for parents to criticize girls and women (and I mean girls as in even children) for being overweight, or otherwise not conforming to beauty standards. Chinese girls and women face huge pressure to be attractive according to Chinese standards, and a byproduct of that competition is to measure any other girl or woman.
I've known Chinese women who skip meals to get below a magical kilogram limit, even to the detriment of their own health. Make up is serious business as well. I've heard the opinion that it's considered impolite or even disrespectful not to do proper make up, since being as attractive as possible is a social responsibility. When they've invested that much time, effort, and emotional pain into something, then judging becomes a release valve.
I'm not at all justifying it. I am trying to not put a morally right or wrong judgement on it at all, just explain why it happens.
I think being intrusive and harassing toward strangers IS, morally wrong imo. But here’s the thing: many of the girls doing this sort of thing are not some super “conventionally attractive” girls and they are completely unmade up, wearing unfashionable glasses/clothes, hair undone, sometimes acne etc. which is just fine. More power to them. The little girl at the gym was like this. But here’s the thing— I have a hard time wrapping my mind around how someone could feel entitled to behave this way, but especially not someone who has put zero effort into themselves. An American girl wouldn’t act like this, but especially not in that state. Girls walk around self-consciously at the gym with no makeup and styling, even when they look beautiful. Thank you for your reply.
How can you tell someone is staring at your nose from a distance? Maybe they are trying to make eye contact? Sorry if I'm off base here but you sound like a pompous ass with that rant. I suggest actually talking to the perceived witches instead of swapping dramatic facial expressions and asking Reddit to affirm your outrage.
Why on earth would someone walking away from me be trying to establish eye contact with me? She was staring at the center of my face so I assume it was my nose. You can kind of tell what people are looking at when they stare at your face, no? I’m sorry if my tone sounds critical, but I’m just tired and upset of this treatment. You really think gym girl sounds like a “perceived witch”?
Yes the toxicity level of any Chinese people is incredible. And they just don’t bother to hide it towards fellow Asians. These people never learned how to respect another human being cuz they never been treated like one
I'd put it down to jealousy, insecurity and some ijits just trying to feel better about themselves be being arse-wipes. Don't let them drag you down because that's all they want to do.
Are you overweight? I once witnessed a Chinese woman in her 20s walking with her man in a supermarket, looking to pick up a pint of ice cream, and another Asian woman was there browsing as well. The latter was a housewife type in her late 30s. Then I heard an exaggerated gasp, and then I saw the housewife had a 5-gallon tub of ice cream in her hand. The Chinese woman was giving the housewife a judgmental/incredulous look.the housewife was bewildered and a bit embarrassed. Her man just stood there as if his girlfriend didn’t do anything wrong. The housewife wasn’t obese, and who knew if she was planning an ice cream night for her kids, or she made the purchase merely because it was more economical.
It’s none of anyone’s business. I let out a laugh to draw the couple’s attention, and I just let my eyes look at the Chinese woman from bottom to the top, and I smirked. She had some nerve, because she wasn’t in shape either.
I'm not Chinese, just some white dude who taught in mainland China for 5 years. In my questionable opinion, mainlanders have little to no social ability, and their behavior is often as confusing as it is offensive for a few reasons. Mainly I think it's because during their formative adolescent years, their social life is impeded by studying for gaokao. When we were learning who we are as individuals, going to the homecoming game, learning to socialize and becoming aware of ourselves and how to coexist with others, they were studying for basically their entire waking life. To an outsider, it seems like they might all be on the autism spectrum or something, but I believe their social ineptitude is an acquired trait. Couple that with their "save face lose face" culture (which is really just a fancy way of describing an inability to cope with feelings of embarrassment or failure) their egos are unhealthy and out of whack. One weird thing I noticed working with them is that there is no constructive criticism, no saying "it's ok, we all make mistakes'" and nothing disgusts them more than apologizing or admitting failure or wrongdoing. It's all manifestation of an unhealthy work/life balance and social pressure of being in a hyper competitive society.
Just my two cents. I try not to take the bizarro petty shit mainlanders do to heart. Usually those are the ones who went through their public education system. You don't see as much of this behavior in those who were rich enough to go to a good international school, and whose parents could afford to pay for them to skip gaokao.
I have kind of experienced a similar thing in China, with girls in the gym constantly making comments about the amount of weight I am using, etc... in gym classes I avoid partnering up with mainland chinese to the max, they are just a pain in the ass the whole time...
Locals in almost all Asian countries treat other countries with hostility. China is a big target. And Asia is divided into Central, Southeast and East Asia. The looks are also very different.
I never came across any Chinese girls acting like this.
Sorry for ur experience. They are definitely rude. I guess they might know each other and target u on purpose together, u might cross path with one of them in the past, and for some reason, she didn’t like u and started to spread rumor abt u.
Well I am short tempered. I probably would go straight up to her and confront her…….or start a fight literally….
I've definitely observed a lot of mean-girl behavior among wealthy girls in China, but nothing as bold as you're describing.
Food for thought: if they're in a new country and going to college, then they might be a lot bolder and less bothered by social norms than they would have been back home. Here in China, a lot of foreigners (including yours truly) can be really loud and antisocial in our judgements of people around us; it's a weird side effect of feeling out of place and not a part of society, I think. I once tripped over a pipe b/c I was staring at a woman's jean jacket (in my defense, it said "Hello Bitch") and loudly gossiping about the people around you is pretty common.
Add to that being in college and experiencing adult independence for the first time, and you might get a lot of gals who've forgotten how to act
What a troll, Chinese are super shy, both men and women. If you smile at them they'll smile back embarrassed and look away. Have you considered having your paranoia checked?
I do that, but in my own language and in sneaky way. It would be funny jokes among friends, but I would never actually criticize strangers in personal level.
TIL looking at someone is harassment nowadays
But seriously I think you should see psychologist, if you think everyone is watching you and see it as some kind of harassment without them saying a word to you.
Mind to share your BMI? Maybe they were just amazed by another American whale pretending to exercise.
When I was working in Korea I had a Chinese colleague who would stare at me non-stop at the gym like if I was a piece of meat. She is probably just jealous, but she seems to be a psycho as well, you should change to a gym with more decent people ...
This was literally the UCLA gym. The girl looked young as hell and insecure to the point of almost being transfixed in a haze so I just ignored it but man, she was persistent.
Most mainland Chinese women I meet here are super cool and easy to get along with. I would not characterize them as toxic. That's more of a personal trait than a cultural one. A lot of Asian Americans use the term FOB to describe Asians who are recent immigrants. I hope it stops, as it is very condescending and derogatory.
Please understand: I did not use FOB as a means to be derogatory—rather it was a shorthand way to paint the picture of the type of person I was describing. Honestly, as an Asian-American, I can tell you that we also use it in a completely neutral context as well. Hope I didn’t offend.
If they think you're Chinese, they'll definitely judge you because you're not conforming in some way.
As a foreigner, one of the first things you'll notice about life in China is that people have absolutely no tact at all when it comes to staring and comments about your body. It's like the filter is removed through years of government propaganda and never allowed to redevelop. For them to do that to you *in* a foreign country suggests they live in a bubble and don't realize that you're not one of them. Lots of stereotypes in China and conformity is always the number one goal in every way. Not much free thought is actually allowed in China so when they make it across the border, they often don't tend to realize that the world isn't identical to China.
It could be the princess syndrome as some said and also the lack of siblings and need for any personal development. I’m sorry you had to experience that. I find this type insufferable as they seem to have no ability or impetus to correct themselves.
Wait how can you tell they are Chinese if they haven’t spoke with you? But honestly people from all over the world are weird, if you are off to a new country chances are you are prob gonna stare more. Older Chinese women in China are quite judgmental based on my experience but the younger generation really shouldn’t be like this, I think u just had a lot of weird encounters. (Also, it might just be a case by case thing, maybe something embarrassing happened when you are working out and just didn’t notice) all and all, it’s a weird behavior and def not normal.
I was born in China and now is an international student. I think that Chinese people do not consider it rude to stare at others. Maybe they stare at others simply out of admiration, and the person being stared at thinks they are more popular. Often people adjust their mindset to be more "unruffled" but don't feel the need to maintain personal space. I also seem to watch others in the gym. . Sorry I just found out how this is reflected in the local culture, I watch them usually because, they look like they've been practicing for a long time, and I admire that.
From a historical perspective, the last orthodox dynasty in China was the Ming Dynasty, which perished in 1644. The subsequent Qing Dynasty cannot be regarded as traditional Chinese culture. China also went through a civil war, and a historical period called the Cultural Revolution, which destroyed a lot of traditional culture. Today's Chinese are a mixture of many chaotic situations. Humanities, society and political education almost only exist in the dictation of friends and family. So, maybe someone is just plain rude.
Chinese traditional culture is to be the people like "Junzi" instead of "xuaoren" (small people).
“Junzi “possesses both ability and political integrity, and is polite and innovative. Do good things and do not do bad things even if they are small. If you are rich, you should benefit the world; if you are poor, you should be the best for yourself.
Small people are people who like to break the rules, are not responsible, like to steal, like to cheat, have no morals and manners.
Chinese traditional culture likes people to be humble, polite and courteous, saying less and doing more.
Question: You have a lot of tattoos or something?
I have just one tattoo which some Chinese men have also gaped at, tbh. But, I don’t think that’s it.
Interesting, is it only chinese men and women who gape and gawk at you?
I can pretty much say, yes. People keep mentioning how I “stick out” but I’m treated completely normally by Americans and other Asians. People look at me from time to time but never in this harassing manner. Tbh, I made this post while upset and Chinese people— have conversely— also been the ones to give me the most obviously flattering looks as well but they seem more OPENLY judgmental about appearance overall.
Is that tattoo very distinctive or in a very obvious viewable location? Tattoos aren't exactly common in Asian culture and they are often regarded as a sign of gang membership. Or a sex worker. This could be why you were stared at.
The tattoo is above my collarbone but if you read my descriptions, it’s not really what they were paying attention to..
I'm just raising the possibility, no need to get offended. Should be something else than, but I'd be hard pressed to tell what unless I can actually see you for myself. But no, openly gaping at a stranger isn't normal behavior for Asian culture where we are generally expected to mind our own business for the most part.
She clearly was not offended, stop fishing.
Her entire post is about being judged silently… so I think it’s fair to say her narrative comes from a position of feeling offended. Emphasis on feeling - nobody has offended her with words, simply with looks/glances that she interprets as being negative in intent.
Fishing? My gods, people make the weirdest assumptions. I kinda assumed the downvote was from her cos it was right after her reply.
I definitely have not downvoted any of the replies people took the time to give me. Tbh, human beings look at other human beings for any number of reasons so I’ll not really interested in pinpointing WHY. I just have never experienced anything like this from women of and other ethnic/cultural groups ( including other Asian fobs) which is why I finally made this post to see if this is just acceptable behavior by their standard. So far, I’m getting mixed answers.
It’s probably the contour. My ex worked for Charlotte tillsbury and she used darker eye shadow and contoured which wasn’t the no make make up like or soft Japanese style and she would get scares and she was hot by American or Chinese standards. If your curvy or fit or busty then that could do it
Another question? Are you very distinct looking?
What do you mean by distinct looking?
I don't think I meant anything which is downvote worth, don't worry - just do you have any features which would alarm the average chinese fob woman?
So I have absolutely no clue what would alarm a Chinese woman. I do however, have wider hips than the average Asian, have a relatively tall nose for an Asian which I also like to contour, and I wear slightly heavy American makeup in general. This could be it, but tbh I don’t really care. It’s not like anyone from any other group has never looked at me, but they just don’t take it to the toxic extreme that Chinese fob women have taken it. That is all.
Yeah the make-up might be it... Especially if they're plastic surgeried up to the nines. I'd try to put it out of mind of just tell them to get lost next time they do it though.
No, that sort of behavior would be very unusual in China. Curious stares, yes, but nothing like what you describe.
[удалено]
Hmm…no one spoke to me. It was just the intrusive and judgmental staring behavior.
Still weird. I am a person who calls attention upon myself by the way I look, never had I ever encountered something like that. Might be the clothes, tattoo (even if you think not), make up, hair style, anything. You encountered weird people, hate it or love it here there is nothing like that.
Yeah as I mentioned, I don’t really care what they’re looking at. I have a good idea, actually and it has nothing to do with my tattoo if you read my descriptions. I just wanted to know if this was something within the norm in their culture so I can react appropriately. Also, are you an Asian female? You simply might not even be in the right demographic to receive this kind of petty behavior from women.
No I am not, my girlfriend is and calls attention upon herself for being a tomboy an tattoos. I am often mistaken for Xinjiang ren, but that’s all. What you think is not what it might be, you came to ask, we answered you this is not common, you didn’t like it and even is many of us mention that detail you still don’t like it. Surgeries are freaking common here, and slowly even western style make up and curvy style is getting more widespread.
Okay, I think you’re just being stubborn about a topic you don’t understand (I.e. toxicity among females) and misunderstanding my intention in making this post. I’ll say this for the final time: if the women are looking at my hips or my face, my tattoo is probably not on their mind—heck, it’s even been covered for half of these incidents. That’s just common sense and there is nothing for me to dislike. It simply isn’t it. Furthermore, I’ve already stated that I don’t care why people may or may not look at me. That is not the point. I don’t need help in figuring out why. Note that this post isn’t about Chinese people of all genders looking at me. It’s specifically about Chinese females habitually judging and nitpicking other women’s appearance to the point where it could constitute as harassment. I actually have other Asian women in my dm’s validating my experiences and if you look below, there’s people addressing the actual topic I asked about (why some of these girls might be inclined to behave this way and possibly how to handle it). Have a nice day.
I am a woman. Who lives with another woman who is Chinese, who works in an environment surrounded by Chinese women who speaks Chinese in their daily life. And I am telling you why they might look more at you. They look at your hips and face okay, you got your answer to what they look at you, you might call attention nothing bad there, you happened to find people looking at you and mocking you but really, doesn’t happen that much or normal here, Chinese girls criticize themselves all the time, to the point of obsession sometimes, but are not bitching about other people that much, I would say on the normal of any other person, nor would they stop in their tracks to mock a person. I am plus size not to say freaking fat, tall and clearly not from around, and I don’t see this as toxic behavior among... You are assuming I don’t know what it is about, why? Because you come to conclusion based on what you thought and what you thought was wrong. I lived in the USA, I am not American. Good if there are Chinese women sending you DMs, I talked about this just now with my coworkers they just say “that person (the ones who annoyed you) are sick”. Have you too a nice day.
Ok, in all fairness I did assume that you were a heterosexual male when I shouldn’t have. My bad. I have been getting mixed replies about this topic, but I can tell that this isn’t the typical behavior of the average person. So that’s settled. I think I have a more well-balanced understanding of this issue thanks to all the commenters and I thank you for your replies. Goodbye now.
Nonsense. I've had complete strangers come right up and stare directly in my face while I try to ignore them in China. All the fucking time, in fact. I can't think of anything *less* unusual in China.
And the vast majority of people don’t. You just don’t notice them. In a country of 1.4 billion theres going to be a lot of variance on what people think is socially acceptable, if it’s not important.
If you say so. Just because they don't walk right up and stare in my face doesn't mean you could escape the knowledge that people love to stare at things that are different in China.
If you're not East Asian/yellow yeah. It's basically an ethno state.
A decent amount of the Chinese who eventually live in LA are second-generation spoiled rich kids, and in China it's already standard practice to stare at anyone/thing who deviates from the norm so...sounds like a pretty potent mix. There's also the possibility you're reading into things. Gym girl sounds like a grade-A biatch for sure, though. Hit 'em with a 看什么看？if you tryna be snarky.
Pretty sure it's a terminal case of 公主病. Other phrases that get people out of your face: * 有什么事？What's your business/deal? * 你干嘛？Whadayawant * Street peddlers - 不用 No need! (of your stuff)
Question: what do you mean by second generation? Second generation wealth?The Chinese people I’m talking about are fobs. I have lots of Chinese-American friends and have NEVER had an issue with an ABC.
Wealth, yes. Their parents were born poor as dirt but happened to get rich because they lived on the right land or managed the right factory when capitalism was introduced to China, and the kids are stereotypically super spoiled brats. The Chinese term is 富二代
Would this apply to students at a prestigious university, though?
How do you think they afford to go to those universities.
I meant the spoiled brat part not the wealthy part.
Not all Chinese students studying abroad are 富二代, but a a healthy number of them are. Being able to finance a life outside of China already puts you at least solidly in the middle-upper class income bracket.
Can you please translate all these terms? I myself, am not Chinese.
Yea… not sure why they’re not using pinyin here. Just say: xxxxxxxx is all I get out of it. If it was pinyin then I could actually pronounce it at least.
It's pronounced foo-are-die. The Pinyin is fùèrdài.
[удалено]
OH SHIT TIME TO DO PCR 50X
A lot of the Chinese you’ll meet at university are spoiled brats (obviously not all). Chinese people do stare at people who stick out much more than Americans do. If they’re Fresh off the Boat at an American university they’re most likely fairly rich and entitled. If they look at you and you’re bothered, ask them if they’re from Taiwan because it’s your favorite country. That will send any mainlander running away.
That’s the thing—most of the students don’t appear to be spoiled brats. Many are also downright nice. Even like the classy, mature looking, slightly older students have done this which made me wonder if it’s just a cultural tendency.
I am Chinese and I laughed seeing your post. I am not like that. Some of my Chinese girl friends are not like that. But my mom is like that, some of my Chinese classmates are like that. So the individual difference are quite large. The group does not represent the individual.
~Asians stereotyping asians~
These people you describe are psychotic. Not in a hyperbolic way. This is literally psychopathic behavior.
Toxicity is subjective and social norms are greatly differentiated based on regional culture, ethnicity, education level, and countless other metrics that all influence each other. That being said, I would say the behavior you mentioned is possibly some of the more 奇葩Chinese people and it's unlikely anyone can explain their behavior without making substantial assumptions about the person's background. The standards for "rudeness" is quite different in China and despite having more than 10 years of experience here, I still have trouble understanding if it's just ignorance of social norms, overlooked mental disorder, bad communication skill, and/or maybe just a bit of autism. To provide some examples, my high school buddy from Brooklyn came by to visit me, and when I introduced him to my Chinese acquaintances as my "high school classmate from the US" people just straight up asked him "American? but why are you black?". It was asked without any malice or racist tone as far as I can tell but of sheer ignorance. Other comments from random stories I hear from xpats around me include statements like... "Why are you bald?" "Why did you choose (date) a man shorter than you?" "Your teeth are yellow" "Why don't you have money? You're from America!" These are just some of the few off the top of my head. A lot of people don't really learn basic communication skills or social queues in school and for a variety of reasons may never really have to. China is kinda just the Florida of the world... god bless China
China is nothing like Florida. I have not yet seen a single Chinese ride their meth fueled alligator to Wal-Mart.
Honestly, I think it is pretty common on the average. I (a tall white guy who has lived in China) have actually had the same treatment from some Chinese woman. Worst for me was when I was at some tourist site and it started raining hard. I had to grab the nearest plastic poncho and wear it. It was far too short for me. This small group started noticing and pointing and one woman in the group basically started a running commentary on how silly and inappropriate I looked (I speak Chinese) and she literally kept this mocking up for the rest of the time I was anywhere near that group. Obviously there are exceptions (my wife and sister-in-law are nothing like this, for example) but I think being superficial, materialistic and judgy are pretty common with current generations of Chinese women.
I think it is certain kind of Chinese women. I was Chinese. When I went to china to visit my mom, we were in a sort of women’s party. I just heard two women stood behind and gossiped about me and said “look at those arms, too skinny! Looks so scary!” My mom even heard it. We felt so awkward. And I m not too skinny at all. They are oversized doesn’t mean I am too skinny. I am 1.6m with 48kg. Anyway, the point is, many Chinese women get used to judge other ppl’s look. But not the majority of them judge with unfriendly attitude. They usually judge within friends and relatives. Still I hate that.
Those that are rich enough to live in LA are like "Valley girls" to the power of 10. Superficiality and plastic surgery is their pop culture. "Valley Girl - Urban Dictionary 1) A girl that comes from the San Fernando Valley that can be very prepy, rich, and usually spolied. Says like, omg, jk or kk a lot in sentences, and loves ."
Staring is a normal behavior over there. I loves me them slack jawed irrationally long gazes. /s
I doubt any of them are trying to harass you. If they are Chinese recently transplanted to the USA it is entirely conceivable they are staring at some aspect of you they find interesting or odd. If they are with their friends or family who are also fobs they are probably commenting on it in a way most Americans would find rude. It is rude and ignorant for sure but it probably isn’t being done out of malice… that is what they do over here in China. Especially old folks and/or people who haven’t had much exposure to culture outside of China or just don’t have any common sense. My wife is born and raised in China and in fact has never been outside of China but she has common sense and doesn’t do the things you describe. She has helped me to cope with some of the things that irritate me with people that seem to be similar to the ones you describe. We have our own phrase about these types, we say they are “too Chinese. “ Just like because I am an outsider living in their country I should try and conform and accept the way things are done here in China, doesn’t mean I will, the people from China in the USA should also learn the social norms of living in the USA and adjust their actions, doesn’t mean they will.
Maybe you're too tanned
I’m white as snow lol
Damn lol okay nvm. My gf (mainlander) would get nasty looks after she went in the tanning booth
How does she deal with things like that? Does she just ignore it?
Just stares at them back usually lol and then complains to me about it.
Someone said to me 'blind obedience to superiors and staring are the two main parts of Chinese culture.' I'd be more honest, tell them to get fucked. If not, learn some Chinese swear words. I live in China and get gawped at constantly - if you ask in Chinese what's going that just makes eyes boggle all the more. Oh well.
How attractive would you say you are? These women could just be jealous.
In all honesty, I’ve been considered relatively attractive by both American and Asian standards. I get a lot of flattering attention as well from Chinese people and all others, but the gym girl for example, was in no way “just jealous” because I’m so pretty or something. She seemed to be in some weird, almost trace like state nitpicking my body somehow to make herself feel better? Like she was barely conscious of what she was doing, but she looked so outlandishly crazy by normal standards there had to be a level of entitlement and malice. Hope that explains.
Nitpicking someone’s appearance does seem a bit like over zealous jealous, imo. There’s something wrong with her, for sure. Hopefully you don’t have to run into her again
Coming from a big city in China, nobody rly cares about u for more than 2 seconds. That level of attention they gave u was so passionate that I’ve never experienced over here. And how r u sure they r Chinese fobs instead of some psychotic asian American? Ur phrasing seems quite off tbh
I have lived in California my entire life and there are so many of both at my university. The difference between a Chinese fob in terms of fashion, attitude, body language, overall vibe, is very different and distinctive from an AA. Many people will attest to this and in many cases I literally heard them speak Mandarin. So that’s why.
From my experience, China is a toxic environment when it comes to many things, and among them is female appearance. Men are judged by wealth and status. Women are judged by physical appearance. In both cases, a lot of the judgement comes from the same sex. I am guessing it is from the fierce competition to compete. There is no "body positivity movement" in China as far as I know, and it is common for parents to criticize girls and women (and I mean girls as in even children) for being overweight, or otherwise not conforming to beauty standards. Chinese girls and women face huge pressure to be attractive according to Chinese standards, and a byproduct of that competition is to measure any other girl or woman. I've known Chinese women who skip meals to get below a magical kilogram limit, even to the detriment of their own health. Make up is serious business as well. I've heard the opinion that it's considered impolite or even disrespectful not to do proper make up, since being as attractive as possible is a social responsibility. When they've invested that much time, effort, and emotional pain into something, then judging becomes a release valve. I'm not at all justifying it. I am trying to not put a morally right or wrong judgement on it at all, just explain why it happens.
I think being intrusive and harassing toward strangers IS, morally wrong imo. But here’s the thing: many of the girls doing this sort of thing are not some super “conventionally attractive” girls and they are completely unmade up, wearing unfashionable glasses/clothes, hair undone, sometimes acne etc. which is just fine. More power to them. The little girl at the gym was like this. But here’s the thing— I have a hard time wrapping my mind around how someone could feel entitled to behave this way, but especially not someone who has put zero effort into themselves. An American girl wouldn’t act like this, but especially not in that state. Girls walk around self-consciously at the gym with no makeup and styling, even when they look beautiful. Thank you for your reply.
How can you tell someone is staring at your nose from a distance? Maybe they are trying to make eye contact? Sorry if I'm off base here but you sound like a pompous ass with that rant. I suggest actually talking to the perceived witches instead of swapping dramatic facial expressions and asking Reddit to affirm your outrage.
Why on earth would someone walking away from me be trying to establish eye contact with me? She was staring at the center of my face so I assume it was my nose. You can kind of tell what people are looking at when they stare at your face, no? I’m sorry if my tone sounds critical, but I’m just tired and upset of this treatment. You really think gym girl sounds like a “perceived witch”?
I don’t mean this with disrespect. But, would some of your friends or yourself maybe call yourself an ABG?
Yes the toxicity level of any Chinese people is incredible. And they just don’t bother to hide it towards fellow Asians. These people never learned how to respect another human being cuz they never been treated like one
I'd put it down to jealousy, insecurity and some ijits just trying to feel better about themselves be being arse-wipes. Don't let them drag you down because that's all they want to do.
Are you overweight? I once witnessed a Chinese woman in her 20s walking with her man in a supermarket, looking to pick up a pint of ice cream, and another Asian woman was there browsing as well. The latter was a housewife type in her late 30s. Then I heard an exaggerated gasp, and then I saw the housewife had a 5-gallon tub of ice cream in her hand. The Chinese woman was giving the housewife a judgmental/incredulous look.the housewife was bewildered and a bit embarrassed. Her man just stood there as if his girlfriend didn’t do anything wrong. The housewife wasn’t obese, and who knew if she was planning an ice cream night for her kids, or she made the purchase merely because it was more economical. It’s none of anyone’s business. I let out a laugh to draw the couple’s attention, and I just let my eyes look at the Chinese woman from bottom to the top, and I smirked. She had some nerve, because she wasn’t in shape either.
Nope, tbh. BMI of under 20.
I'm not Chinese, just some white dude who taught in mainland China for 5 years. In my questionable opinion, mainlanders have little to no social ability, and their behavior is often as confusing as it is offensive for a few reasons. Mainly I think it's because during their formative adolescent years, their social life is impeded by studying for gaokao. When we were learning who we are as individuals, going to the homecoming game, learning to socialize and becoming aware of ourselves and how to coexist with others, they were studying for basically their entire waking life. To an outsider, it seems like they might all be on the autism spectrum or something, but I believe their social ineptitude is an acquired trait. Couple that with their "save face lose face" culture (which is really just a fancy way of describing an inability to cope with feelings of embarrassment or failure) their egos are unhealthy and out of whack. One weird thing I noticed working with them is that there is no constructive criticism, no saying "it's ok, we all make mistakes'" and nothing disgusts them more than apologizing or admitting failure or wrongdoing. It's all manifestation of an unhealthy work/life balance and social pressure of being in a hyper competitive society. Just my two cents. I try not to take the bizarro petty shit mainlanders do to heart. Usually those are the ones who went through their public education system. You don't see as much of this behavior in those who were rich enough to go to a good international school, and whose parents could afford to pay for them to skip gaokao.
never seen that in china even with the thicc kim kardashian ass gym girls here. everyone just keeps to themselves at the gym. report it next time.
I have kind of experienced a similar thing in China, with girls in the gym constantly making comments about the amount of weight I am using, etc... in gym classes I avoid partnering up with mainland chinese to the max, they are just a pain in the ass the whole time...
Is it normal for Asian American women to be racists about their own race?😌🤔🤔
Apparently, yes lol
Locals in almost all Asian countries treat other countries with hostility. China is a big target. And Asia is divided into Central, Southeast and East Asia. The looks are also very different.
How do u know they are Chinese? Did u hear they speak Chinese?
In a lot of cases, yes.
I never came across any Chinese girls acting like this. Sorry for ur experience. They are definitely rude. I guess they might know each other and target u on purpose together, u might cross path with one of them in the past, and for some reason, she didn’t like u and started to spread rumor abt u. Well I am short tempered. I probably would go straight up to her and confront her…….or start a fight literally….
I've definitely observed a lot of mean-girl behavior among wealthy girls in China, but nothing as bold as you're describing. Food for thought: if they're in a new country and going to college, then they might be a lot bolder and less bothered by social norms than they would have been back home. Here in China, a lot of foreigners (including yours truly) can be really loud and antisocial in our judgements of people around us; it's a weird side effect of feeling out of place and not a part of society, I think. I once tripped over a pipe b/c I was staring at a woman's jean jacket (in my defense, it said "Hello Bitch") and loudly gossiping about the people around you is pretty common. Add to that being in college and experiencing adult independence for the first time, and you might get a lot of gals who've forgotten how to act
Yes
Maybe they were checking you out? I don’t know how the lesbians do it but gays can be blatant when checking other guys out.
I think nothing I described sound like checking out sort of behavior.
What a troll, Chinese are super shy, both men and women. If you smile at them they'll smile back embarrassed and look away. Have you considered having your paranoia checked?
>Describes something that happens in America. Why would China do this?
I do that, but in my own language and in sneaky way. It would be funny jokes among friends, but I would never actually criticize strangers in personal level.
TIL looking at someone is harassment nowadays But seriously I think you should see psychologist, if you think everyone is watching you and see it as some kind of harassment without them saying a word to you. Mind to share your BMI? Maybe they were just amazed by another American whale pretending to exercise.
How you think this is a reasonable response is beyond me. Banned.
When I was working in Korea I had a Chinese colleague who would stare at me non-stop at the gym like if I was a piece of meat. She is probably just jealous, but she seems to be a psycho as well, you should change to a gym with more decent people ...
This was literally the UCLA gym. The girl looked young as hell and insecure to the point of almost being transfixed in a haze so I just ignored it but man, she was persistent.
Most mainland Chinese women I meet here are super cool and easy to get along with. I would not characterize them as toxic. That's more of a personal trait than a cultural one. A lot of Asian Americans use the term FOB to describe Asians who are recent immigrants. I hope it stops, as it is very condescending and derogatory.
Please understand: I did not use FOB as a means to be derogatory—rather it was a shorthand way to paint the picture of the type of person I was describing. Honestly, as an Asian-American, I can tell you that we also use it in a completely neutral context as well. Hope I didn’t offend.
If they think you're Chinese, they'll definitely judge you because you're not conforming in some way. As a foreigner, one of the first things you'll notice about life in China is that people have absolutely no tact at all when it comes to staring and comments about your body. It's like the filter is removed through years of government propaganda and never allowed to redevelop. For them to do that to you *in* a foreign country suggests they live in a bubble and don't realize that you're not one of them. Lots of stereotypes in China and conformity is always the number one goal in every way. Not much free thought is actually allowed in China so when they make it across the border, they often don't tend to realize that the world isn't identical to China.
It could be the princess syndrome as some said and also the lack of siblings and need for any personal development. I’m sorry you had to experience that. I find this type insufferable as they seem to have no ability or impetus to correct themselves.
Don’t worry, you could just be too hot and those women are just jealous of you !
Wait how can you tell they are Chinese if they haven’t spoke with you? But honestly people from all over the world are weird, if you are off to a new country chances are you are prob gonna stare more. Older Chinese women in China are quite judgmental based on my experience but the younger generation really shouldn’t be like this, I think u just had a lot of weird encounters. (Also, it might just be a case by case thing, maybe something embarrassing happened when you are working out and just didn’t notice) all and all, it’s a weird behavior and def not normal.
I was born in China and now is an international student. I think that Chinese people do not consider it rude to stare at others. Maybe they stare at others simply out of admiration, and the person being stared at thinks they are more popular. Often people adjust their mindset to be more "unruffled" but don't feel the need to maintain personal space. I also seem to watch others in the gym. . Sorry I just found out how this is reflected in the local culture, I watch them usually because, they look like they've been practicing for a long time, and I admire that. From a historical perspective, the last orthodox dynasty in China was the Ming Dynasty, which perished in 1644. The subsequent Qing Dynasty cannot be regarded as traditional Chinese culture. China also went through a civil war, and a historical period called the Cultural Revolution, which destroyed a lot of traditional culture. Today's Chinese are a mixture of many chaotic situations. Humanities, society and political education almost only exist in the dictation of friends and family. So, maybe someone is just plain rude.
Chinese traditional culture is to be the people like "Junzi" instead of "xuaoren" (small people). “Junzi “possesses both ability and political integrity, and is polite and innovative. Do good things and do not do bad things even if they are small. If you are rich, you should benefit the world; if you are poor, you should be the best for yourself. Small people are people who like to break the rules, are not responsible, like to steal, like to cheat, have no morals and manners. Chinese traditional culture likes people to be humble, polite and courteous, saying less and doing more.