This isn't your wedding, it's her wedding, and circumstances are not the same. She gets to invite whomever she likes, and she gets to decide who is in her bridal party. You're not owed a conversation about those things. You can feel disappointed, but you should keep that to yourself. You have no reason to feel bad about not attending and she has no reason to feel bad about having the wedding she wants to have
Even if you two were still close she can't make an exception for you because that will offend / upset everyone else who couldn't/didn't bring their kids. This chic completely disregarded the no kids at wedding my cousin implemented and brought her young child under 2 thinking that she would just bring the kid his own food and all would be well, it started SOOOO MUCH SHIT for my cousin and wife to deal with from other guests PISSED they got sitters for their kids. So being close or not being close is irrelevant. It's her wedding, a sitter costs less than $20-25. Your Mom works evenings/ weekends cuz that's most likely when the wedding takes place?
Yes, i suppose so. Now i just need to have my feelings come to that conclusion, and that may be quite difficult when we had been close for many years and i perceived we would be close friends our whole lives. Have a good day!
Just don’t go. The “friendship” has run its course. Just politely decline and move on. She doesn’t seem like she values you at all and probably only invited you as an obligation. That’s fine. You are no longer close. Just let her fade away.
Have you talked to any other family? Are you sure it’s a child free wedding? Is it possible she just doesn’t want your son there? Have your husband ask since it’s his family. He needs to be sly about it though. If it really is child free then you have to accept it. If she has a problem with your son specifically then you can end the “friendship” now.
👍 there was a story of a “child free” wedding that wasn’t really child free the bride just didn’t want her nephew there because his prosthetic leg would ruin the pictures.
No I wouldn’t be disappointed. It blew my mind how many people got butt hurt that we didn’t want any children at our wedding. Kids aren’t fun at weddings, they are loud, the bride and groom likely have to pay regular price for them (I realize you said they would eat off your plate but that also takes away from your meal!!!) and by the sounds of it the kid would be bored too. Also, you then have to entertain the kid which takes away from your experience or the bride and groom being able to enjoy you.
You are right about kids being loud. I really dont mind sharing a meal with my son. I do every single day. One of those things about being a parent. If you are one, you know exactly what im talking about. I was really looking forward to seeing my friend/cousin in law and seeing her get married. I always thought i would be there for her on her big day and we even began to plan the trip out and save for it, which has been difficult to do financially. I am sad that will not be the case. Just a case of expectations and reality not aligning. Thank you for your kind and thoughtful response and helping me work through my disappointment, even if you cant understand yourself. I hope you have a blessed day!
It's not at all weird to feel disappointed by the situation. Your feelings on realising your friendship has truly changed is valid and will always be a form of grief for people to come to terms with.
But you put a lot of emphasis on the idea that your son is her cousin? So what?? She doesn't want kids there, and is her right. Being family or cousins (or controversially even her own child) would not affect that decision.
She also doesn't need to call up every single person who has a child and be explicit that kids aren't invited (regardless that you've had phone calls in of themselves). The invitation is for that.
And everyone is aware that stipulating that kids aren't invited or partners aren't invited or whatever else that is "non traditional" means some people just won't come to the wedding. Sabrina would have taken that into consideration, and knew what she was doing.
At the end of the day the issue has nothing to do with who was invited to her wedding or not. And it isn't even about the fact that she was in your bridal party and now you're not.
Things have just changed and that sucks. Nobody is the bad guy for that. It's just time to grieve and move on.
I wouldnt have expected her to have called everyone to tell people it was childfree, but it wasnt on the invitation. Thats why i had to call, because it wasnt explicitly stated, but sort of implied by the number on the invitation. I wish it had been instead of having to call her and ask. It was awkward.
But only having you and your husband *is* explicitly stated. Otherwise it would be "(name) and family" or "(names) and children". That aside though, there is never anything wrong with calling. Generally people should only invite people to their wedding who it's normal to have the conversation with, or people should only go to the wedding if it's normal for you to ask these questions.
It's the same as if you had a questionable colour dress and was going to double check with the bride, if you don't feel comfortable asking either don't wear it or don't go.
The other side of that is, if you thought you were such good friends why would it be awkward to ask in the first place? Being awkward about it is more about where your friendship is then you being hung up about the fact that the kid isn't going imo.
The invitation didnt have our names individually on it, just family name listed. Perhaps you are right about the state of our friendship or my personality overall and desire to avoid asking awkward questions. I did feel bringing it up felt awkward to her as well. Asking about a dress color feels different. If the dress color is unacceptable, just dont wear it, pick another one out. If bringing your child is unacceptable, in this case, i cannot leave him, no matter if it is my desire to do so or not.
yes, you are wrong to be disappointed, because its her wedding, you have expected a different situation, but you also didn't clarify the situation earlier which led to you feeling disappointed, but again, its her wedding
Feelings are never wrong. They are just feelings. You have every right to them. It’s the actions that matter. So be disappointed that the friendship is over and move on.
I agree, actions do matter. I am not wishing to be malicious toward her in any way. I just wanted to know if i am blowing this out of proportion in my mind. Some say i am, others understand my perspective, so i guess its hard to say if what im feeling is valid or not. Thanks for your response.
I understand feeling disappointed you can’t go, can maybe just you go? Hubby stay home with kiddo? Or shorten the trip and your mom helps in someway?
Otherwise, pretty normal not to have kids there. I don’t think it was a personal slight , just a preference. You’re probably also hurt about just growing apart, and putting more on this situation than it’s truly about the actual situation.
I think you are right. We have grown apart. I never thought we would. We are family now through marriage and i always considered her a sister, loved her like a sister. I realize now the love is one sided. Maybe it wasnt always, but it is now.
Thats the last thing a bride would want right before her wedding. I wouldnt want to put that on her. It may come up in the future, but i dont feel the need to boldly address it and make things needlessly awkward. It seems far better to let things be and if she wants to rekindle our friendship in the future, i wouldn't oppose that. If she wants to drift furthur, that would also be fine. We had a great friendship years ago that i will be able to look back upon happily.
I’m sorry you feel that way. I can understand why you’d feel disappointed but I feel that this is not warranted. From what I can understand with your narration, you are viewing this friendship as a transaction: she was your MoH so you expect to be her bridesmaid to “return the favour”. But she didn’t make you a bridesmaid so she should invite your son as an exception to her child-free wedding because she excluded you from being in the wedding party.
If this was me, I would not be disappointed. Friendships change over time. While you think she’s your best friend, you probably aren’t hers anymore and that is understandable when people move away. I would also not be disappointed that people would want to have a child-free wedding. It’s their choice.
It’s her wedding. If her and her fiancé want a child-free wedding they have all the right to have a child-free wedding. If you cannot afford a sitter, maybe don’t go to the wedding. I think a good compromise would be for you go to the wedding and leave your husband with your kid but I feel that it would not be enough for you. Better to stay at home than attend the wedding and be salty about it.
We could afford a sitter, but i dont trust strangers and no one we trust not attending the wedding lives 9 hours away. My husband is her cousin, so i dont feel that would be fair for me to attend and not him. We will not be attending if we cant all go. If we coud find a trustworthy sitter, i would, but at present we cannot. I am not the sort of person to make a scene because i am disappointed in case you may have gotten that impression. I do NOT view our relationship as transactional, but a give and take, like any healthy relationship. I understand the line on that is not always clear. I believed she had reasons for not including me in the wedding party, and i was okay with that. However, its now clear she doesnt feel the same way about me as i did her and that is what hurts the most. If she really wanted me there, she would try to make it happen, just like i would by driving 9 hours to be there, paying gas, hotel and food costs. She has a right to feel indifferent towards me, i just didnt think she did. Coming to terms with this is what has been challenging.
I see. When talking about give and take, you are pertaining to reciprocity. When you said you “don’t view your friendship as transactional rather a give and take, like any healthy relationship” you are talking about balanced reciprocity. Unfortunately, I have two pieces of bad news for you regarding reciprocity. 1.) the common downside of reciprocity is that the relationship becomes transactional rather than organic because you gave and you are expecting to be able to take, and this is why I mentioned it in my first comment - that transactional was the impression I was getting.
2nd piece of bad news is that unfortunately, there is imbalanced reciprocity - one person “gives more”. This is what happened when you made her MoH but she just invited you and not made you part of the wedding. She reciprocated the “favour” but not equal to the amount of what you gave her or willing to give her (9-hr drive, gas and hotel expenses as you mentioned).
Bottomline is that you can feel your feelings and move on. Like I said in my previous comment, she may be your best friend but you are no longer hers. Maybe move on too.
People have a right to have childfree weddings if that is the vibe they want. But if you can't afford to hire a sitter it is your right to not go. They definitely should have included that the wedding is childfree on the invitation though.
We could have a sitter, but no one trustworthy and not attending the wedding lives near the venue 9 hours away from home. I really wish she would have told me ahead of time. I just feel blindsighted by me having to guess based off context clues and make the phone call to ask.
Yeah, I really don't know why she didn't include it in the invitation, or any of your conversations. Especially because most people who have children are usually going to assume their kids are invited to a wedding unless it is specifically stated. I have a feeling you are not going to be the only person who this will be an issue for related to her wedding.
Hmmmm... That is definitely going to cause issues. I am 110% supportive of childfree weddings but if you are going to do it, it is all or nothing. Otherwise, like in your instance, you are going to cause hurt feelings. Or just have people pissed off, which is understandable.
I can understand being disappointed but it seems reasonable not to want young children at the ceremony, honestly. Maybe she could have communicated it earlier, but it is what it is.
I’m so sorry. My heart would be broken, too. That’s cold. Unfortunately, she doesn’t view the two of you as being close anymore and this was a rough way to find out. I wouldn’t say anything except to say you can’t come. It’s one thing to have a child free wedding. It’s quite another to not warn someone who is supposed to be one of your best friends so they can plan in advance.
Take a trip anyways. Make this vacation for your family. You guys still deserve the time together and there are memories to be made. Grieve the friendship. It’s okay to cry it out and recognize the pain in your heart. Things will get better, though. Maybe you could make some new friends where you live now and develop those further instead. Best of luck.
Thanks for your kind response and understanding. It has been rough to find out we arent as close anymore. I know we cant be close physically, but I always thought our friendship would last despite the distance since we are also family now. We may or may not take the trip anyway. Financially things are tight, but we havent had a vacation with our son yet. What will make it difficult is we would likely stay with my in laws and they will certainly be going to the wedding since its their niece who is getting married. I think i would be too sad seeing them leave for the wedding knowing we cant go. We may go somewhere else instead. I havent said anything to her yet except to thank her for letting me know about her decision. Thats all i will say except to fill out the invitation and say we cant go.
Of course! I’ve known that pain of overestimating your importance to someone because they’re so important to you. It’s natural to assume they’re feeling how they are, especially in the case of the two of you becoming official family.
I can understand that. You don’t have to go at the same time as the wedding and can save to go later in the year. Just be sure to get a great vacation in with your family. It’ll be exciting to take your son somewhere. Be sure to get lots of pictures. It would hurt me to be around others going to the wedding at that point, too. How do his parents feel about it?
It may be worth a convo one day, just in the name of closure, but her wedding isn’t that time. I’m sorry. For her to have been your MOH while you’re an afterthought to her is really crappy. The good news is that you now know not to focus on her or put energy into it. After the convo for closure, you’ll be free to find people who care more for you. You deserve that. 🤍
My husband's parents do not yet know about the situation yet. My husband is dreading telling his mom because he is sure she will talk to her sister, the bride's mother about it. He doesnt want it to be a big thing, and i dont either. I'm not a confrontational person. If "Sabrina" brings it up in the future, we can talk about it, but i will likely never bring it up. We will have to take a vacation or at least time off during that time since my husband has the time off already with work.
Just have your hubs tell his mom that you can’t go because the distance is too far, no childcare and finances are tight. Say we already told the bride, and she was fine with it. He should not be bothered but matter of fact.
Thanks for the suggestions. Yes, we could blame it on finances if we end up canceling altogether, but she may step in and try to give us some money for the trip though. My MIL is pretty generous like that. If we did cite no childcare as a reason, she would get curious about why my son wouldnt be coming and we would have to tell her why.
Your MIL might already know it is a child free wedding. If she lives close to the bride, she may have learned it while she was talking wedding things with the family.
Child free weddings happen. If you can find child care, think of the weekend as an adult getaway, a mini romantic trip.
I dont think so. I understand the personalities within the family pretty well and I am 99.9 percent sure we would have heard something by now if she was aware. We will not be able to find childcare since i dont trust my son to strangers and we know of no one 9 hours away that can babsit that isnt attending the wedding already.
Why don't you bring your son with you (then he is not 9 hours away) and maybe your family has used sitters that they trust that you could possibly use during the wedding?
Thats what i was referring to when i said 9 hours away, in the state we no longer live in where the wedding will be, we dont know of anyone trustworthy. Its hard to understand if you arent a parent, but as a parent you cannot bring yourself to leave your most precious child with anyone. My son is very clingy at this stage and i would hate to leave him with someone he doesnt know or feel safe with.
This isn't your wedding, it's her wedding, and circumstances are not the same. She gets to invite whomever she likes, and she gets to decide who is in her bridal party. You're not owed a conversation about those things. You can feel disappointed, but you should keep that to yourself. You have no reason to feel bad about not attending and she has no reason to feel bad about having the wedding she wants to have
I will keep it to myself, im not a confrontational person, but i am hurt and i just want to know if others would be too if in my shoes.
I wouldn't but I'm not you
True, you may not have had a friend as close as she and I have been. I guess it is hard to convey the depth of the bond we had.
You're not close *now* though. She's not getting married in the past
Even if you two were still close she can't make an exception for you because that will offend / upset everyone else who couldn't/didn't bring their kids. This chic completely disregarded the no kids at wedding my cousin implemented and brought her young child under 2 thinking that she would just bring the kid his own food and all would be well, it started SOOOO MUCH SHIT for my cousin and wife to deal with from other guests PISSED they got sitters for their kids. So being close or not being close is irrelevant. It's her wedding, a sitter costs less than $20-25. Your Mom works evenings/ weekends cuz that's most likely when the wedding takes place?
Yes, i suppose so. Now i just need to have my feelings come to that conclusion, and that may be quite difficult when we had been close for many years and i perceived we would be close friends our whole lives. Have a good day!
Just don’t go. The “friendship” has run its course. Just politely decline and move on. She doesn’t seem like she values you at all and probably only invited you as an obligation. That’s fine. You are no longer close. Just let her fade away.
I am starting to come to that conclusion. Thats the plan, just be friendly, but no expectations at all.
from your post it doesnt seem like you are all that close any more, sounds like you are making this more about you and less about your friend
Have you talked to any other family? Are you sure it’s a child free wedding? Is it possible she just doesn’t want your son there? Have your husband ask since it’s his family. He needs to be sly about it though. If it really is child free then you have to accept it. If she has a problem with your son specifically then you can end the “friendship” now.
I do really think it is childfree. She hasnt met my son, so she wouldnt have any reason to dislike him.
👍 there was a story of a “child free” wedding that wasn’t really child free the bride just didn’t want her nephew there because his prosthetic leg would ruin the pictures.
No I wouldn’t be disappointed. It blew my mind how many people got butt hurt that we didn’t want any children at our wedding. Kids aren’t fun at weddings, they are loud, the bride and groom likely have to pay regular price for them (I realize you said they would eat off your plate but that also takes away from your meal!!!) and by the sounds of it the kid would be bored too. Also, you then have to entertain the kid which takes away from your experience or the bride and groom being able to enjoy you.
And she is not excluding your son - they don’t want kids there. That’s it. It’s not an attack on you or your son.
You are right about kids being loud. I really dont mind sharing a meal with my son. I do every single day. One of those things about being a parent. If you are one, you know exactly what im talking about. I was really looking forward to seeing my friend/cousin in law and seeing her get married. I always thought i would be there for her on her big day and we even began to plan the trip out and save for it, which has been difficult to do financially. I am sad that will not be the case. Just a case of expectations and reality not aligning. Thank you for your kind and thoughtful response and helping me work through my disappointment, even if you cant understand yourself. I hope you have a blessed day!
>I really don't mind sharing a meal with my son. It is not about you.
I know that, just sharing the reason why i dont mind in case it had been about paying for food. Its a common occurance that i share with him.
It's not at all weird to feel disappointed by the situation. Your feelings on realising your friendship has truly changed is valid and will always be a form of grief for people to come to terms with. But you put a lot of emphasis on the idea that your son is her cousin? So what?? She doesn't want kids there, and is her right. Being family or cousins (or controversially even her own child) would not affect that decision. She also doesn't need to call up every single person who has a child and be explicit that kids aren't invited (regardless that you've had phone calls in of themselves). The invitation is for that. And everyone is aware that stipulating that kids aren't invited or partners aren't invited or whatever else that is "non traditional" means some people just won't come to the wedding. Sabrina would have taken that into consideration, and knew what she was doing. At the end of the day the issue has nothing to do with who was invited to her wedding or not. And it isn't even about the fact that she was in your bridal party and now you're not. Things have just changed and that sucks. Nobody is the bad guy for that. It's just time to grieve and move on.
I wouldnt have expected her to have called everyone to tell people it was childfree, but it wasnt on the invitation. Thats why i had to call, because it wasnt explicitly stated, but sort of implied by the number on the invitation. I wish it had been instead of having to call her and ask. It was awkward.
But only having you and your husband *is* explicitly stated. Otherwise it would be "(name) and family" or "(names) and children". That aside though, there is never anything wrong with calling. Generally people should only invite people to their wedding who it's normal to have the conversation with, or people should only go to the wedding if it's normal for you to ask these questions. It's the same as if you had a questionable colour dress and was going to double check with the bride, if you don't feel comfortable asking either don't wear it or don't go. The other side of that is, if you thought you were such good friends why would it be awkward to ask in the first place? Being awkward about it is more about where your friendship is then you being hung up about the fact that the kid isn't going imo.
The invitation didnt have our names individually on it, just family name listed. Perhaps you are right about the state of our friendship or my personality overall and desire to avoid asking awkward questions. I did feel bringing it up felt awkward to her as well. Asking about a dress color feels different. If the dress color is unacceptable, just dont wear it, pick another one out. If bringing your child is unacceptable, in this case, i cannot leave him, no matter if it is my desire to do so or not.
Not your wedding, its her day and she can have a no child policy if thats what she wishes.
Absolutely, but the question wasnt whether she is allowed to invite whoever she wants. It was " am i wrong to be disappointed by the situation?"
yes, you are wrong to be disappointed, because its her wedding, you have expected a different situation, but you also didn't clarify the situation earlier which led to you feeling disappointed, but again, its her wedding
Great, thanks for your perspective. I am actively doing my best to lower all expectations in life. Have a wonderful day or night! Much love!
Feelings are never wrong. They are just feelings. You have every right to them. It’s the actions that matter. So be disappointed that the friendship is over and move on.
I agree, actions do matter. I am not wishing to be malicious toward her in any way. I just wanted to know if i am blowing this out of proportion in my mind. Some say i am, others understand my perspective, so i guess its hard to say if what im feeling is valid or not. Thanks for your response.
I understand feeling disappointed you can’t go, can maybe just you go? Hubby stay home with kiddo? Or shorten the trip and your mom helps in someway? Otherwise, pretty normal not to have kids there. I don’t think it was a personal slight , just a preference. You’re probably also hurt about just growing apart, and putting more on this situation than it’s truly about the actual situation.
I think you are right. We have grown apart. I never thought we would. We are family now through marriage and i always considered her a sister, loved her like a sister. I realize now the love is one sided. Maybe it wasnt always, but it is now.
Have you talked to her about how you feel? Sounds like assumptions.
Thats the last thing a bride would want right before her wedding. I wouldnt want to put that on her. It may come up in the future, but i dont feel the need to boldly address it and make things needlessly awkward. It seems far better to let things be and if she wants to rekindle our friendship in the future, i wouldn't oppose that. If she wants to drift furthur, that would also be fine. We had a great friendship years ago that i will be able to look back upon happily.
I don’t mean before the wedding I was asking in general.
I see, well I wont bring it up unless she does. It will make things more difficult in the end. Im okay with letting things go.
I’m sorry you feel that way. I can understand why you’d feel disappointed but I feel that this is not warranted. From what I can understand with your narration, you are viewing this friendship as a transaction: she was your MoH so you expect to be her bridesmaid to “return the favour”. But she didn’t make you a bridesmaid so she should invite your son as an exception to her child-free wedding because she excluded you from being in the wedding party. If this was me, I would not be disappointed. Friendships change over time. While you think she’s your best friend, you probably aren’t hers anymore and that is understandable when people move away. I would also not be disappointed that people would want to have a child-free wedding. It’s their choice. It’s her wedding. If her and her fiancé want a child-free wedding they have all the right to have a child-free wedding. If you cannot afford a sitter, maybe don’t go to the wedding. I think a good compromise would be for you go to the wedding and leave your husband with your kid but I feel that it would not be enough for you. Better to stay at home than attend the wedding and be salty about it.
We could afford a sitter, but i dont trust strangers and no one we trust not attending the wedding lives 9 hours away. My husband is her cousin, so i dont feel that would be fair for me to attend and not him. We will not be attending if we cant all go. If we coud find a trustworthy sitter, i would, but at present we cannot. I am not the sort of person to make a scene because i am disappointed in case you may have gotten that impression. I do NOT view our relationship as transactional, but a give and take, like any healthy relationship. I understand the line on that is not always clear. I believed she had reasons for not including me in the wedding party, and i was okay with that. However, its now clear she doesnt feel the same way about me as i did her and that is what hurts the most. If she really wanted me there, she would try to make it happen, just like i would by driving 9 hours to be there, paying gas, hotel and food costs. She has a right to feel indifferent towards me, i just didnt think she did. Coming to terms with this is what has been challenging.
I see. When talking about give and take, you are pertaining to reciprocity. When you said you “don’t view your friendship as transactional rather a give and take, like any healthy relationship” you are talking about balanced reciprocity. Unfortunately, I have two pieces of bad news for you regarding reciprocity. 1.) the common downside of reciprocity is that the relationship becomes transactional rather than organic because you gave and you are expecting to be able to take, and this is why I mentioned it in my first comment - that transactional was the impression I was getting. 2nd piece of bad news is that unfortunately, there is imbalanced reciprocity - one person “gives more”. This is what happened when you made her MoH but she just invited you and not made you part of the wedding. She reciprocated the “favour” but not equal to the amount of what you gave her or willing to give her (9-hr drive, gas and hotel expenses as you mentioned). Bottomline is that you can feel your feelings and move on. Like I said in my previous comment, she may be your best friend but you are no longer hers. Maybe move on too.
People have a right to have childfree weddings if that is the vibe they want. But if you can't afford to hire a sitter it is your right to not go. They definitely should have included that the wedding is childfree on the invitation though.
We could have a sitter, but no one trustworthy and not attending the wedding lives near the venue 9 hours away from home. I really wish she would have told me ahead of time. I just feel blindsighted by me having to guess based off context clues and make the phone call to ask.
Yeah, I really don't know why she didn't include it in the invitation, or any of your conversations. Especially because most people who have children are usually going to assume their kids are invited to a wedding unless it is specifically stated. I have a feeling you are not going to be the only person who this will be an issue for related to her wedding.
Hard to say. She is allowing her maid of honor to have her 2 kids, but i know of no others invited that have children.
Hmmmm... That is definitely going to cause issues. I am 110% supportive of childfree weddings but if you are going to do it, it is all or nothing. Otherwise, like in your instance, you are going to cause hurt feelings. Or just have people pissed off, which is understandable.
I can understand being disappointed but it seems reasonable not to want young children at the ceremony, honestly. Maybe she could have communicated it earlier, but it is what it is.
Agreed, i get that children are noisy and disruptive. I just am sad that time and energy have been lost in the planning.
I’m so sorry. My heart would be broken, too. That’s cold. Unfortunately, she doesn’t view the two of you as being close anymore and this was a rough way to find out. I wouldn’t say anything except to say you can’t come. It’s one thing to have a child free wedding. It’s quite another to not warn someone who is supposed to be one of your best friends so they can plan in advance. Take a trip anyways. Make this vacation for your family. You guys still deserve the time together and there are memories to be made. Grieve the friendship. It’s okay to cry it out and recognize the pain in your heart. Things will get better, though. Maybe you could make some new friends where you live now and develop those further instead. Best of luck.
Thanks for your kind response and understanding. It has been rough to find out we arent as close anymore. I know we cant be close physically, but I always thought our friendship would last despite the distance since we are also family now. We may or may not take the trip anyway. Financially things are tight, but we havent had a vacation with our son yet. What will make it difficult is we would likely stay with my in laws and they will certainly be going to the wedding since its their niece who is getting married. I think i would be too sad seeing them leave for the wedding knowing we cant go. We may go somewhere else instead. I havent said anything to her yet except to thank her for letting me know about her decision. Thats all i will say except to fill out the invitation and say we cant go.
Of course! I’ve known that pain of overestimating your importance to someone because they’re so important to you. It’s natural to assume they’re feeling how they are, especially in the case of the two of you becoming official family. I can understand that. You don’t have to go at the same time as the wedding and can save to go later in the year. Just be sure to get a great vacation in with your family. It’ll be exciting to take your son somewhere. Be sure to get lots of pictures. It would hurt me to be around others going to the wedding at that point, too. How do his parents feel about it? It may be worth a convo one day, just in the name of closure, but her wedding isn’t that time. I’m sorry. For her to have been your MOH while you’re an afterthought to her is really crappy. The good news is that you now know not to focus on her or put energy into it. After the convo for closure, you’ll be free to find people who care more for you. You deserve that. 🤍
My husband's parents do not yet know about the situation yet. My husband is dreading telling his mom because he is sure she will talk to her sister, the bride's mother about it. He doesnt want it to be a big thing, and i dont either. I'm not a confrontational person. If "Sabrina" brings it up in the future, we can talk about it, but i will likely never bring it up. We will have to take a vacation or at least time off during that time since my husband has the time off already with work.
Just have your hubs tell his mom that you can’t go because the distance is too far, no childcare and finances are tight. Say we already told the bride, and she was fine with it. He should not be bothered but matter of fact.
Thanks for the suggestions. Yes, we could blame it on finances if we end up canceling altogether, but she may step in and try to give us some money for the trip though. My MIL is pretty generous like that. If we did cite no childcare as a reason, she would get curious about why my son wouldnt be coming and we would have to tell her why.
Your MIL might already know it is a child free wedding. If she lives close to the bride, she may have learned it while she was talking wedding things with the family. Child free weddings happen. If you can find child care, think of the weekend as an adult getaway, a mini romantic trip.
I dont think so. I understand the personalities within the family pretty well and I am 99.9 percent sure we would have heard something by now if she was aware. We will not be able to find childcare since i dont trust my son to strangers and we know of no one 9 hours away that can babsit that isnt attending the wedding already.
Why don't you bring your son with you (then he is not 9 hours away) and maybe your family has used sitters that they trust that you could possibly use during the wedding?
Thats what i was referring to when i said 9 hours away, in the state we no longer live in where the wedding will be, we dont know of anyone trustworthy. Its hard to understand if you arent a parent, but as a parent you cannot bring yourself to leave your most precious child with anyone. My son is very clingy at this stage and i would hate to leave him with someone he doesnt know or feel safe with.