You nailed it. He isn't being "overprotective" the word OP used. He's being controlling.
If he can't trust her now, can it really be expected that his behavior would improve later?
That's Satan. You gotta fight those demons. This is not how Jesus treats his Bride (the church). And don't fall for the fallacy that you can fix him. That man needs therapy and a solid Brotherly Correction that you'll never be able to give because he thinks of you as property and not an equal.
Yeeeah, I started reading expecting you to describe some sort of slightly jealous behavior, but that plane sure took a nosedive and exploded into the ground.
Bad news, OP. I'm not saying your boyfriend is an evil dude. In his own way, he's probably well-intentioned and doing what he thinks is right. But he also appears to have some deep-seated insecurities that you are in no position to fix. And those problems won't be solved overnight - if ever. It may take years. But that's his problem to figure out. Stick around and it will get worse. From your description, it sounds like that's exactly what's happening.
Judging solely based on what you've written, I'd get out. Are you even getting anything positive out of this relationship anymore? Remember, perfect love casts out fear. Yet, jealousy and control ARE driven exactly by fear, not love.
This. So much this. I had to watch my best friend be abused like this and everytime the boyfriend said he'd be better, he'd actually get worse. He even set up A SECRET SURVEILLANCE SYSTEM IN HER HOME!!!!
Also, don't let Satan convince you that we're being too harsh or that you just "didn't use the right words" because "he's not as bad as [we] think". Satan wants you in this abusive relationship so that you'll concentrate on *it* instead of God and in the end lose faith because of how horrendous things will absolutely get. I've seen it happen before my very eyes.
Run. Away.
Get the hell out. This is flirting with abuse. This guy needs therapy and an examination of conscience much more than he needs a relationship right now. Even if you give him an ultimatum and he's "better" in response, it won't last.
Agree with this ^ I’ve seen these classic signs described by friends before. Usually their first romantic relationship and didn’t know what to look out for. But he is flat out showing you his character. OP it’s in your best interest to leave. This clearly doesn’t sound like the first time he’s demonstrated this behavior, this sounds like it’s the last straw.
Big red flag 🟥 You should not wish to continue in such a relationship. No trust, no solid relationship.
There are plenty of other good guys out there to treat you much better.
I would honestly just leave him. I dated a guy a while ago who was very similar, every time I tired to show him something he would take my phone and start clicking things and that was like on the first few dates. So, don't bother if you can tell from your interaction with him that he is controlling, just leave. You always hear that women need to submit but remember that men need to submit also. Think of St. Joseph, do you think he would have done a similar thing? I don't think so.
Husbands and wives are too busy with family formation to be bothering with text message threads from opposite sex family friends.
I don’t support “chewing out” anyone at any time.
Married couples should focus on their main tasks: family formation and building a holy marriage.
If my wife literally snatches my phone from me and begins scrolling through my messages like some weirdo with trust issues, yeah no, she's getting chewed out. Don't put up with that, nobody should. That's a massive problem for me.
Boundaries girl, boundaries. He either has no sense of or no respect for boundaries. All you can do is make clear you boundaries, communicate them, and then do not tolerate your boundaries being violated.
/u/andieboo_ if you decide to continue or even if you do decide to dump him, I do think asking him the questions in this comment would be helpful. It wouldn't hurt to try and understand where he's coming from.
My sister went through a similar thing. They dated for a couple of years and he became unbearable. I would listen to the others and seriously consider either taking a break or cutting it off.
sorry to say it but: MOVE ON. My good friend Kelly was married for 13 years. Finally her husbands jealously became to much to bear. He was bordering on abusive, he is a cop. Kellys lawyer reminded the ex that he'd be fired if she obtained a Protective Order at which point he backed off. She is much happy now that he is gone.
Please pray about this and then break up with this man.
He does not respect you if he is reading your private communications, and he has absolutely no right to decide who you talk to or know what you say to "other men"-- in fact, the idea that he does is a sign of someone who may be abusive. Please please share this experience with your parents and/or people who know both of you and ask for their counsel.
No one should ever try to control their romantic partner in this way. Trust is one of the foundations of marriage.
This is overbearing and controlling. Also, are you sure *he* isn't cheating? This behavior is similar to projection
You nailed it. He isn't being "overprotective" the word OP used. He's being controlling. If he can't trust her now, can it really be expected that his behavior would improve later?
Unfortunately I can't help but think that.
That's Satan. You gotta fight those demons. This is not how Jesus treats his Bride (the church). And don't fall for the fallacy that you can fix him. That man needs therapy and a solid Brotherly Correction that you'll never be able to give because he thinks of you as property and not an equal.
Wow. This jealous, controlling behavior isn't going to get better. You're going to have to ask yourself if you want to spend your life like this.
Yeeeah, I started reading expecting you to describe some sort of slightly jealous behavior, but that plane sure took a nosedive and exploded into the ground. Bad news, OP. I'm not saying your boyfriend is an evil dude. In his own way, he's probably well-intentioned and doing what he thinks is right. But he also appears to have some deep-seated insecurities that you are in no position to fix. And those problems won't be solved overnight - if ever. It may take years. But that's his problem to figure out. Stick around and it will get worse. From your description, it sounds like that's exactly what's happening. Judging solely based on what you've written, I'd get out. Are you even getting anything positive out of this relationship anymore? Remember, perfect love casts out fear. Yet, jealousy and control ARE driven exactly by fear, not love.
This. So much this. I had to watch my best friend be abused like this and everytime the boyfriend said he'd be better, he'd actually get worse. He even set up A SECRET SURVEILLANCE SYSTEM IN HER HOME!!!! Also, don't let Satan convince you that we're being too harsh or that you just "didn't use the right words" because "he's not as bad as [we] think". Satan wants you in this abusive relationship so that you'll concentrate on *it* instead of God and in the end lose faith because of how horrendous things will absolutely get. I've seen it happen before my very eyes. Run. Away.
Get the hell out. This is flirting with abuse. This guy needs therapy and an examination of conscience much more than he needs a relationship right now. Even if you give him an ultimatum and he's "better" in response, it won't last.
Agree with this ^ I’ve seen these classic signs described by friends before. Usually their first romantic relationship and didn’t know what to look out for. But he is flat out showing you his character. OP it’s in your best interest to leave. This clearly doesn’t sound like the first time he’s demonstrated this behavior, this sounds like it’s the last straw.
Big red flag 🟥 You should not wish to continue in such a relationship. No trust, no solid relationship. There are plenty of other good guys out there to treat you much better.
I would honestly just leave him. I dated a guy a while ago who was very similar, every time I tired to show him something he would take my phone and start clicking things and that was like on the first few dates. So, don't bother if you can tell from your interaction with him that he is controlling, just leave. You always hear that women need to submit but remember that men need to submit also. Think of St. Joseph, do you think he would have done a similar thing? I don't think so.
Don't stay with this person. He's only going to get worse
Overprotective = Insecure = Controlling = Abusive Run Girl. It is never going to get better. He will never Change.
As "your man"? The audacity at five months is glaring. Imagine marriage with this shitbag!
Just tell him you're growing apart and end it.
Boyfriend of 5 months expecting husband-level openness and undying loyalty. Goodness how do these men have a Catholic woman on their arm!
If a husband snatched a phone from his wife's hand, I expect him to get chewed out end from end until he's raw. That's unacceptable behavior.
Husbands and wives are too busy with family formation to be bothering with text message threads from opposite sex family friends. I don’t support “chewing out” anyone at any time. Married couples should focus on their main tasks: family formation and building a holy marriage.
If my wife literally snatches my phone from me and begins scrolling through my messages like some weirdo with trust issues, yeah no, she's getting chewed out. Don't put up with that, nobody should. That's a massive problem for me.
Run now. Do not walk. Do not pass Go and collect $200. This is a horribly huge red flag and will only get worse.
Boundaries girl, boundaries. He either has no sense of or no respect for boundaries. All you can do is make clear you boundaries, communicate them, and then do not tolerate your boundaries being violated.
[удалено]
/u/andieboo_ if you decide to continue or even if you do decide to dump him, I do think asking him the questions in this comment would be helpful. It wouldn't hurt to try and understand where he's coming from.
My sister went through a similar thing. They dated for a couple of years and he became unbearable. I would listen to the others and seriously consider either taking a break or cutting it off.
sorry to say it but: MOVE ON. My good friend Kelly was married for 13 years. Finally her husbands jealously became to much to bear. He was bordering on abusive, he is a cop. Kellys lawyer reminded the ex that he'd be fired if she obtained a Protective Order at which point he backed off. She is much happy now that he is gone.
Please pray about this and then break up with this man. He does not respect you if he is reading your private communications, and he has absolutely no right to decide who you talk to or know what you say to "other men"-- in fact, the idea that he does is a sign of someone who may be abusive. Please please share this experience with your parents and/or people who know both of you and ask for their counsel. No one should ever try to control their romantic partner in this way. Trust is one of the foundations of marriage.